Archive of Our Own

“Do I look like I suck at giving head?” 

Nicholas gives Maki a once over, rolls his eyes then tells him very slowly: “Open your mouth.”

And Maki, in a lapse of judgement combined with the fact he was expecting literally any other answer but this, does open his mouth. Tongue lolled out and everything. Nicholas smirks and mouths good boy.

It takes Maki a few seconds to realize how he probably looks like right now. A few more for Nicholas’ words to sink in. His mouth snaps shut so quickly, he barely misses biting down on his own tongue and bleeding to death.

“I hate you.” Maki mumbles, sides burning.

“You’re the one who asked me if you look like you suck at sex.”

“At giving head.” Maki corrects him as if it makes any difference.

“Same thing. Giving head is the best part of having sex, anyways.”

“That’s not true.” Maki’s not exactly arguing back because he believes the opposite, it’s just his default setting when it comes to Nicholas. He blinks and a murky memory emerges. Harua opening him up for twenty minutes yesterday only to not fuck him. His devilish smile as Maki kept begging him for something, anything. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t just a reflex. Head is great but whatever Harua was doing in between his legs yesterday is better.

“Why’re you asking me this? You had this one boyfriend, what was his name?”

“Jo.”

“Right, Jo. Wouldn’t he have told you if you were bad at it?”

“That’s not the point.” Maki huffs out and it really isn’t. He has a gag reflex and limited experience, sure, it’s the fact that Harua didn’t let Maki go down on him. Or do anything for that matter. They were tipsy but not drunk, the more Maki tries to recall last night, the more he realizes Harua didn’t let him touch him at all. Maki’s pretty sure that he stayed dressed the whole time. So the only logical conclusion is that he looks like he’s monumentally terrible at sex.

“Look, just tell me what happened, I’m not psychic.” Ouch, Maki thinks. 

Nicholas never beats around the bush and Maki usually is the same, that’s why they get along so well. But this is kind of a big deal. It’s Harua. And Maki can’t be casual about him. 

If he tells Nicholas what happened he’s afraid of the answer he’ll get. Again, Nicholas is not mean but he is in tune with everyone’s feelings to the point of it coming off as prophetic. That is to say Maki’s nervous that Nicholas will foretell something terrible, like that Harua doesn’t find him attractive enough to get hard. Which is clearly the scariest thing in the world. 

“So yesterday, right.” Maki trails off. He’s afraid alright but he also hates getting into a headspace more than anything else. 

“What about yesterday?”

“I might have, you know, slept with Harua. Or something.”

Nicholas nods.

“Or something?” Whether he’s asking for a confirmation or mocking Maki is up for debate.

“Or something.” Maki nods sagely, playing with his rings nervously. They’re not his rings. Most of them are Nicholas's, the one on his thumb is Euijoo’s, the one on his pinky Taki’s. 

“Congrats?” Nicholas is clearly trying and failing to connect the two things which, okay, fair. Maki has been pretty adamant that he’s over Harua and that it was always just a puppy crush, nothing more.

Maki puts his face in his hands and makes an undignified noise.

“Was he drunk? Was it bad?”

“No.” Maki whines. It was in fact too good. Addicting like everything Harua is. “It was.. Great.” He makes a thumbs up with one hand, face still buried in the other.

“Oh.” Nicholas makes a noise when it finally clicks. “He didn’t let you go down on him.”

“Yeah.”

“Did you ask him why?” Leave it to Nicholas to ask all the questions that make perfect sense. Maki should’ve gone to Fuma instead. He always gives terrible nonsensical advice. Why did he have to go to one guy who has his life together and gives actual good advice?

“Well no. He wasn’t exactly there when I woke up, so.”

“Okay. And you have his number.”

“I do have his number.”

Nicholas rolls his eyes for the fifth time in the span of a conversation that’s been going on at most for at most three minutes. 

“Dude, just ask him. Maybe he was too drunk to get hard, or he doesn’t like getting blown. There’s like a million logical explanations to this whole thing.”

“Who doesn’t like getting blown?” 

“Are you being for real?” 

“Ugh, I’m sorry. I realized how stupid I sounded after I said it.” Nicholas huffs but his eyes soften. Maki feels something funny in the pit of his stomach.

“It’s just – fuck. It isn’t even about not letting me suck his dick, I didn’t touch him at all. I tried to but he’d swat my hands away and give me this stern look, which, yeah, was kind of hot but that’s not the point. I wanted to make him feel good too, you know?”

Nicholas thinks about it for a minute and Maki is almost expecting him to suddenly receive a sign from the universe, some wisdom, which in the perfect case scenario, would coincidentally align with what Maki is expecting as an answer.

“Maybe he’s a stone top?” 

“He’s not a lesbian.”

“Okay, whatever the gay man version of a stone top is. Some guys just don’t like to be touched.” It makes sense, it just so happens that it’s the exact opposite of the answer Maki was hoping to receive.

“Have you been with guys who don’t like it when you touch them?” Grasping at straws isn’t what Maki is doing, more so distracting Nicholas from getting back on track.

“No, not really. You know I mostly top, anyways. That doesn’t matter though, just ask him. Maybe we’re reaching and there’s another perfectly normal explanation.” So much for distracting him. Maki wishes Nicholas wasn’t so in tune with his emotions and gave shitty advice instead of making perfect sense almost all the time. This is all Byun Euijoo’s fault somehow.

“Maybe I should ask Yuma.” Nicholas gives him a look and Maki winces. He should’ve left this one as a thought. Nicholas can’t judge him about something he has no knowledge of. 

“And why would you ask Yuma about it?” 

“Because he used to sleep with Harua last year?”

Nicholas’s expression is the definition of not sad, just disappointed.

“Do whatever you want, you’re entitled to making all the wrong decisions in the world but don’t come crying to me afterwards.”

“You’re supposed to have my back.” Maki tries for a pout but he’s no longer fifteen so it doesn’t work on Nicholas anymore.

“I am. That’s why I’m telling you – this is a stupid idea. Yuma has nothing to do with your relationship with Harua.” 

“Fine, okay. You’re right. I’ll call him or text him, I don’t know. I’m just nervous.” Maki feels Nicholas’s hand patting his shoulder in reassurance.

“You still like him don’t you?” 

“I do.” Maki nods and Nicholas cooes. 

“Then don’t be stupid. He fucked you, didn’t he? Maybe you have a chance.”

“Just because he fucked me it doesn’t mean that he likes him.”

“Just because he fucked you doesn’t mean that he doesn’t not like you.”

Maki snorts: “What does that even mean?”

“Nothing. Just go with the flow. What’s the worst case scenario?”

“He laughs at me and tells me we only hooked up because he was drunk.” It sounds almost rehearsed, the speed with which Maki shoots it out.

“Is Harua that kind of a person?” Nicholas’s hand goes from his shoulder to his neck, massaging gently at the tenseness there.

“Well, no.” He isn’t. Maki’s crush is not just based on looks, he knows Harua. Well, it doesn’t hurt that he has a face like that. Besides the point.

“Even if he does laugh at you and tells you all that, you just move on. You’re nineteen, Maki, the world won’t come to an end just because one guy doesn’t want you. You’re smart and funny. Hot.”

“You think I’m hot?” Nicholas gives him a look.

“Yes, Maki. I think you’re hot.”

“You’d let me go down on you kind of hot?” Nicholas snorts, then leans in closer, smiles at Maki. 

“I’d let you go down on me kind of hot.” Maki flushes as if he wasn’t the one to bring it up in the first place. Still, he’s not one to back down.

“Promise?”

Nicholas laughs throatily: “If it doesn’t work out I’ll let you hit it raw and missionary.” 

Nicholas means it as a joke, probably. But it sounds kind of hot in all honesty.

“Weren’t you going out with that one guy from our Advanced Linguistics class?”

“Broke it off. I’m as free as a bird.”

“Got it.”

Maki doesn’t text Yuma.

He types in the message, then remembers the weird fall out they all had when he broke up with Nicholas a few months ago and deletes the message. Fuck.

He opens his chat with Harua. Their last message is dated three days before the whole thing went down. Harua had sent him an address to someone’s apartment and Maki had replied with a thumbs up. He doesn’t remember whose apartment it is but they probably went to pre-game there. He scrolls up and feels his stomach twisting. Him and Harua were never exactly the closest but they were in the same friend-group for a little while. It hurts to see proof of how little he actually spent in Harua’s company. None of the messages are longer than a few words. Most of them ask where they’re meeting up, or if someone who got black-out drunk made it home safely. There’s a few TikToks here and there but everything else is surface-level.

Maki hesitates. Thinks back to Nicholas and Yuma. Is it considered breaking the bro code if he gets it on with Nicholas’s ex’s ex? 

Maki types in a short message. Can we talk? Then deletes it. He does that a few more times. Eventually he turns his phone off and flings it on the bed. It bounces and almost falls on the ground. Maki cheers quietly when it doesn't.

He decides to give himself a few days to calm down, think it through, maybe ask for Nicholas’s advice again though he’s almost certain Nicholas has said his piece and will only repeat the same thing over and over again. Maybe he should just tell Nicholas he got rejected and ask him nicely to uphold his end of the promise. Some dick is better than no dick, Maki thinks as he tries to convince himself this whole thing is about sex.

He never ends up sending the message because he runs into Harua not two days later. It’s so clichè, Maki almost expects the soundtrack of Teen Beach Movie to start playing in the background any second now. Of course, he’d somehow accidentally avoid Harua for months only to run into him twice in the span of the same week.

“Maki,” Harua’s voice is high and cheerful. Like he’s greeting someone close and not the guy who he fucked the other day, only to sneak out in the morning. Maybe this is normal hook-up culture etiquette and Maki is just overthinking it. 

“Harua, hey.”

“It’s so good to see you, how are you doing?” Did Maki hit his head particularly hard or is Harua acting like nothing has happened between them?

“I’m good, you know. Exams are over and everything.” Harua nods in understanding.

“Yeah, finally. I barely passed Classic Chinese Literature.”

“Tell me about it.” Maki is starting to develop a different theory and it’s that he got so drunk he mistook whoever it is that he hooked up for Harua because what the fuck?

“Sorry for leaving so early the other day. I was hoping we could catch up but Yuma locked himself out of our apartment and I had to go help him.” Okay, so Maki neither hit his head, nor did he hallucinate Harua pinning him against a wall and then against the bed. Noted. He did, however, forget that Yuma and Harua live together. You know, Nicholas's ex and Nicholas’s ex's ex. Freaky.

“Yeah, no, it’s fine. I figured something had come up.” Musical theatre was not so useless after all. Not to toot his own horn but he’s pretty sure he just came off as super chill, nonchalant even.

“Promise you’re not mad?” Harua looks at him so sincerely. Big eyes, bigger smile. Nervous but still a smile. Something in Maki settles.

“Of course not.” Harua breathes a sigh of relief.

“Are you free now? We can go grab a coffee or something?” Maki has to meet up with one of the upperclassmen from his club to hand him in a report with the expenses from last semester but Harua is here in the flesh, asking him to grab a coffee, catch up, maybe even talk about it. Surely Yudai will understand.

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s do that.” Maki can feel his hand shaking so he shoves it inside the pocket of his jean jacket. “Where do you want to go?”

“Z Jazz Room?” It’s small and intimate, they’ve hung out there a few times. Back then there were other people. Maki stops in his tracks and tries to think if they had actually ever hung out one on one before. Without Yuma’s or Nicholas’s or anyone else’s shadow eclipsing them. Maki comes up empty. Why had he never asked Harua out for coffee?

“Yeah, sure.” Maki can tell his answer is a tad delayed. Harua gives him a once over but says nothing.

The sun is setting when they finally get there. There’s only two other people besides them and the music in the background is just loud enough to give a sense of privacy without it feeling overpowering. “Boy, boy, boy” by Sentimental Swingers sounds through the gramophone and Maki feels like the universe is having a ball at his expense.

“I’m sorry.” Harua says after their coffee arrives. He is sipping on it, looking serene and beautiful as ever. Maki almost doesn’t hear him initially. 

“What for?”

“The other night. I feel like I came on too strong. You just looked really good and I was kind of tipsy.”

“No, it’s, umm, it’s fine. You didn’t come on too strong or anything.”

“Yeah?” Maki nods. He can't believe he's the one reassuring Harua. If he pinches himself it would be too obvious, so instead he bites down on the inside of his cheek. He doesn't wake up. Strange. “Okay, good.” 

There's a brief silence. Maki summons all the guts he has, which are mostly for show but sometimes do help him get through situations like this.

“Can I ask you something?” Harua nods almost immediately. “Why didn't you let me touch you? I wanted to make you feel good too and I know I probably don't look it but I'm pretty good with my mouth. Ask Nicholas.”

“Nicholas?” Harua raises an eyebrow in amusement. Maki mentally slaps himself over the face. He should have just texted Yuma. Bro code be damned.

“Please forget I said that.”

“Slip of tongue?”

“Sure.”

“Are you and him–”

“No.” Harua nods but the corners of his lips stay upturned. He’s able to hold it for a few seconds but suddenly his laughter, light and resonant like a chimebell, fills Maki’s ears.

“You’re all so mean to me.” Maki whines but it’s half-hearted. He missed hearing Harua’s laughter so even if it is at his expense he’ll take it. “Nicholas I get but you? Not only did you refuse to actually fuck me, now you’re making fun of me!”

“Maki.” Harua calls him once he calms down.

“Harua?” 

“You know I'm trans, right?” He says it plainly. Maki is aware of that fact somewhere in the back of his mind. 

“I know.”  

“And you're fine with that?” Harua doesn't look the least bit insecure as he says it, oozing confidence instead. He's simply asking a question, waiting patiently for Maki’s answer.

Is he okay with it? Maki is actively trying not to think about how his legs wouldn't stop shaking for a few minutes after Harua made him cum the other night. How he couldn't stop jerking off to the memory of Harua’s fingers, small but practiced and how quickly they'd found all his weak spots. Of course he's okay with it.

“Why wouldn't I be?” Theatre school. Poise. He needs to come off as smooth and normal so Harua would want to fuck him again and soon.

“Well, I don’t exactly have a dick to fuck you with. Most gay guys are not into that.” Right, Harua doesn’t have a dick. Maki can work with that. He still very much wants to go down on him.

“I don't care about that. I just thought you didn't find me hot enough that's why you wouldn't let me touch you.” Harua chuckles, lips stretched wide. The low light reflects off the little gems glued to his canines, making them look sharper, more dangerous. Maki wants Harua to sink them somewhere, anywhere. His neck, his nape, his thigh. He's not picky.

“Maki, do you own a mirror?” 

“Yes?”

“You're so stupid.” Maki frowns, which makes something soften in Harua’s otherwise mirthful stare. “You're like one of the hottest people I know.” Harua spells it out for him. Maki beams.

“Then why?”

Harua sighs as though he's getting braced for something.

“I didn’t fuck you because I didn’t have anything to fuck you with.” Maki nods. So it was situational, they just need to be prepared next time. 

Harua hesitates for a second then adds: “I'm also kind of picky about getting off. Most of the time I don't like it when other people do it for me. I like doing it to others, it feels less constricting that way.” So Nicholas had been pretty much spot on. 

“You don't like to be touched anywhere?”

“I don't mind most places, just not my.. dick? Or, well, sometimes I'm okay with that, too, but I have to be in the mood. I usually don’t get turned on physically when I have sex, if that makes sense.” Maki nods thoughtfully. He wants to ask more questions but he's not sure if he'll come off as insensitive. “I'm sorry, I know I'm a bit difficult.”

“No, no, no.” Maki had taken too long to answer apparently and now Harua is apologizing which is ridiculous. “Why are you apologizing? It's fine.”

“Reflex, I guess.” 

Another short lived silence. Maki can leave it like this. They've cleared things up, Harua doesn't owe him anything more.

“So it's fine as long as I don't touch your dick?” His mouth, as always, works faster than his brain. Harua smirks. It's awfully charming. He looks like the lead of a romance drama. 

“Yeah, it's fine.” Harua confirms, eyes burning Maki alive. How is he so calm and collected and Maki is out there losing his mind?

“I'm sorry, I just can't stop thinking about it.” Maki goes for the truth and imagines Nicholas patting him on his back for being so brave and open about his emotions. “Like, it's been the only thing on my mind since it happened.”

Harua giggles and Maki feels his cheeks flush. He's not quite embarrassed, just feels all warm and sticky inside. 

“I mean, we could always do it again since you can't stop thinking about it. Maybe in my bed instead of Yuma's this time.”

Maki takes a big breath: “Please don't tell me we slept on Yuma’s bed.”

“I won't not tell you we slept on Yuma’s bed.” 

Maki’s eyes widen but before he can start freaking out he regains his wits and remembers that he very much woke up in his own bed.

“You're pulling my leg.”

“I am. I was wondering how long it would take you to call me out.” Maki breathes a sigh of relief. They did not fuck on Harua’s ex’s bed. Small victories.

“Don't get so worked up.” 

“I'm not.” Maki tries to fight back but he is, in fact, worked up. It's always visible on his face, the way it melts. On his body, the way it starts moving without his permission.

“You are.” Harua reaches over and puts his hand on Maki’s thigh which is bouncing nervously. Maki stiffens up even more if that's even possible, which makes the smile on Harua’s face that much wider, meaner.

“You can come back to my place after we're done here. Yuma is having a sleepover with his girlfriend of the week.” Harua pauses, moving his hand further up Maki’s thigh. What the fuck. “Only if you want to.”

Only if he wants to? Harua is straight up groping him and making his brain melt out of his ears. There’s very little Maki wouldn’t do in that moment if Harua were to issue the command.

He nods, not thrusting the kind of words or noises that would come out if he opened his mouth.

“You have to tell me, Maki.” Harua emphasizes as he moves his hand even further up. He’s basically palming him at this point. “With your words.”

“I want to.” Maki manages to grit out and it almost sounds even in cadence, voice betraying him only at the very end. The slight crack seems to amuse Harua greatly. Perfect.

“Good.” 

“You don’t actually fuck people with that one, do you?” Maki asks, pointing at something which looks as thick as his forearm. 

“I do but it’s mostly a kink thing so, rarely.” Maki is torn between feeling shy and concerned. How does something the size of a forearm even fit inside someone? Surely it cannot feel good. 

“Doesn’t it hurt?” Maki asks, curiosity getting the better of him.

“Not if you do the prep right, but it takes a while. I’d have to finger you for an hour if you wanted to try it.” Maki feels the back of his neck sweating. He doesn’t want to try it. It sounds kind of hot in theory but he cannot even begin to imagine something this size inside him.

Harua bumps him with his shoulder: “I’m not gonna fuck you with this one, stop looking so worried. I told you, it’s a kink thing. I had a boyfriend who was into it and I’ve not used it on anyone since.”

Maki breathes a sigh of relief.

“Come on, you’re the one who wanted to see my dicks. Which one do you want me to use?” The choice isn’t exactly difficult. Taking the obvious one out of the equation there are only two others left. Maki points to the shorter one. He’s never been a fan of big dicks, which is perhaps presumptuous to say, considering the fact that he’s had exactly one boyfriend and has hooked-up with one other person besides Harua but he digresses.

“Not a size queen then?” Harua jokes, trying to lighten up the mood.

Maki shakes his head no: “I don’t really like it when it goes too deep, so..”

Harua nods in understanding. He trails one of his hands from Maki’s shoulder down his spine, stopping at the small of his back.

“You’ve been working out more?” Harua asks appreciatively. Maki nods, finally in familiar waters. He’s wearing a tank top so he flexes for Harua who whistles, hand going back to squeeze at his biceps.

“I like it.” He says with a gleam in his eyes. 

“Thanks.”

Harua feels him up a bit more and Maki starts getting worked up. It feels nice. He’s expecting Harua to lean down any moment, press his pretty lips against Maki’s, eat him alive.

“Do you want to take a shower?” Harua asks sweetly, breaking the tension that had started to build up. 

“Yeah.” 

Maki was afraid it would have all fizzled out by the time he’s back. That Harua would have suddenly realized this is all a mistake and he doesn’t want to entertain Maki anymore. But once he returns, hair damp, a towel hanging low at his hips, Harua gives him one look and Maki knows he’s done for. 

Maki has half the mind to bend down when Harua gets closer, to make the kiss easier, but Harua simply snakes a hand around his nape and yanks him down. There’s an urgency to Harua’s actions that wasn’t there two days ago, or maybe it was and Maki was too tipsy to feel it, but he does now. There’s a smoothness to everything Harua does, from the way he steals the breath from his lungs, to the way his hands, soft and sure, manage to press into all the right places.

“Relax.” Harua whispers and it’s not a command but it’s also not not a command. It’s spoken almost sweetly but Maki’s body feels out of control, everything that Harua tells him, it follows dutifully.

Maki relaxes and Harua works a second finger inside him. It stings a bit but Harua’s lips walk a trail from Maki’s red ear down his neck, his spine and Maki melts. He feels full but not overwhelmed. Harua is moving his fingers around slowly, relaxing his walls, but never going too deep, just like how Maki had asked him. 

When Maki starts drooling against the sheets, Harua pats his hip, signals for Maki to roll over on his back and he does. Harua is still fully dressed but Maki can tell from the blush on his cheeks and his eyes, big and dilated, that he’s feeling it too.

“Can you take your clothes off? Please?” 

Harua smiles, radiant. The bedside table lamp makes his skin look shiny and beautiful. Maki is losing his mind already. When Harua takes his shirt off he knows he won’t survive the night. Thankfully, Maki texted Nicholas so there would be someone to come collect his body after Harua is done with him.

“Can I touch?” Maki asks, begs. Harua smiles shyly and nods. Maki lets his fingers trail down Harua’s collarbones, over the small tattoo he has under his left clavicle, his nipples, his stomach, his happy trail. Harua bites down on his lip and it makes Maki feel all tingly inside. He brings both his hands up and cups Harua’s tits, hides them in his palms, thumbs massaging gently over the nipples. 

He looks up at Harua, trying to gauge how he feels. He’s still looking down at Maki with glee but his lips are not parted around a gasp like earlier. Maki looks confused.

Harua smiles apologetically: “I don’t really feel anything here.” he nods down to his chest.

“Do you want me to stop?” Maki asks. He tries not to show hurt but it must have bleed through, regardless.

“Maki.” Harua coos.

“Harua.” he mumbles.

“You don’t have to feel bad, okay? You can touch me if you want, it just doesn’t turn me on like that.” Maki nods at his words, tries to internalize them. “Think of it as a game, you have to find the places that actually make me feel good.” There’s a gleam in Harua’s eyes, a challenge. Maki feels his mouth go dry. He nods like a stupid dog.

“Can’t you show me?” Maki asks, nice and proper.

“Where’s the fun in that? Come on, we have so much time.” He smooths his own hands over Maki’s chest, and feels him stiffen up immediately. Harua’s nails, long and manicured, scratch over his nipples and Maki jerks like he’s been burned.

“Just because you’re sensitive everywhere, it doesn’t mean we all are.” Harua taunts and Maki wants to fight back but it is true. He is sensitive. There hasn’t been a place Harua has touched that hadn’t made him squeeze his eyes shut, nails digging into his palms.

“Touch me, Maki.” Harua whispers and Maki’s body obeys. 

Maki sits up, kisses along Harua’s thin neck, licks over his tattoo and almost cums in his pants when Harua finally makes a breathy, almost moan of a sound. Maki wants to hear more so he continues trailing down. His tits are no go or not exactly no go but they're not an erogenous zone apparently. Maki tries to get creative with it, trails his kisses closer to Harua’s armpit, bites down lightly and hits jackpot. He goes further, nestles his face in Harua’s pit and inhales deeply. He can feel Harua trembling.

Harua doesn’t shave, Maki notes as he licks over coarse hair, but he doesn’t mind it. It’s hot. Maki likes feeling smooth all over, but he kind of loves that Harua doesn’t get rid of it. 

Once Maki’s mouth moves down to his tummy, Harua stiffens for a little but wills his body to relax. Maki looks up at him, waiting for directions.

“Undress me, but don’t touch.” He says and Maki does just that. He takes off Harua’s jeans and looks up for further instructions when there’s only his underwear left.

“Those too, come on.” Maki nods and carefully peels the boxers off. 

Maki bites down on his lip, taking in the sight before him. Harua is so hot. Teeth gems, blue nails, pubic hair, chest heaving. He’s a dream come true.

“Like what you see?” And for the first time it’s half-teasing, half asking for reassurance.

Maki nods eagerly.

“Love it.” He has to bite down the love you, that was threatening to escape right after.

It’s easy after this. Maki watches hungry as Harua puts on the strap belt, fastens it and lubes up his dick. He’s gentle with it but firm. Maki covers his face with his hand as Harua enters him. It’s too much. It’s not enough. Once Harua is all the way in, he tickles Maki until Maki jerks under the touch, removes the hand that’s hiding his face.

“Does it hurt?” Harua asks sweetly, leans down and kisses the corner of Maki’s mouth.

“Please.” Maki whispers, legs wrapping around Harua’s hips, trying to bring him in closer. Sweat rolls down Harua’s forehead, his bangs plastered to his forehead. Maki wants to lick it clean.

“Tell me where it feels good.” Harua urges as he starts thrusting in shallowly. And, okay, maybe he was right. Maybe Harus was spot on, in fact, and Maki is sensitive everywhere, or maybe everything feels good when it’s Harua doing it to him.

“Here?” Harua asks and snaps his hips experimentally. Maki whines, unable to produce any words. It’s better than last time, so much better.

“There.” He whines eventually. Harua smiles and leans down to kiss him. 

Maki cums embarrassingly fast. Harua doesn’t even have to wrap his hand around him. Before Harua is even able to find a proper pace, Maki looks at his face, then down at where Harua is disappearing inside him, and he cums. Shakes throughout the whole thing.

“Easy, baby.” Harua says into his neck as Maki finally calms down. His left leg is still twitching and his stomach is sticky with cum. Maki closes his eyes and tries to take a deep breath as Harua pulls out. 

A minute passes. When Maki finally regains his wits he can see Harua unstrapping the belt. 

“Do you want me to–” Maki opens his mouth, tongue out and everything. He wants Harua inside, but Harua shakes his head no. 

“Not today.” Maki nods, snaps his mouth closed. 

“Was it good for you?” He can’t help but ask, insecurity eating away at him.

“It was perfect, made me feel so good.” Maki nods and blushes even deeper at the answer.

“Good.”

“You can use your fingers to rub me like this but don’t put them in, okay?” Harua shows him by rubbing his own fingers over the hood of his dick. Maki nods.

“You don’t like people fingering you?” Maki asks curiously. 

“Not really, it just doesn’t feel like anything. I’m not even all that sensitive here.” Harua points his eyes down to where he’s touching himself.

It’s been a week since Harua fucked him for real. Maki didn’t expect they’d end up in his bed again so soon but here he is, in between Harua’s legs, face to face with his cunt and his dick. Maki had spent the last fifteen minutes watching Harua warm himself up. It was extremely hot. Every once in a while he would open his palm and tell Maki to spit in it, then he would go back to jerking off, and Maki had to be normal about it.

“I’m sorry for taking so long.” Harua breathes out as he finally removes his hand and gestures for Maki to come closer. 

“It’s okay.” Maki tries not to sound like an eager puppy and fails. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Harua asks, a hint of uncertainty etched into his features. 

“Are you?” Maki asks back and that seems to seal the deal. Harua nods, fingers weaving into Maki’s hair, pulling involuntarily. Maki gasps, lips parting slightly. Everything Harua does to him is a turn on. He never thought getting bossed around and getting his hair pulled would be this hot, but apparently it is.

“Come on,” Harua says, a note of impatience bleeding through. “You said you wanted to make me feel good. Get on with it.”

Maki places a kiss over Harua’s hip, then uses his thumb to pull back the hood of his dick and brings his mouth closer. Harua’s not exactly wet yet but he did spend quite a while getting himself worked up so he’s almost there. Maki flatters his tongue against his dick, swirls it around experimentally. Harua’s hold of his hair tightens so he takes it as a good sign. 

Maki has never eaten someone out so at first he mostly focuses on Harua’s dick, sucks it into his mouth until Harua’s grip becomes painful, then pulls back and licks over him.

When Harua relaxes more, Maki dares to go down, tongue teasing over his entrance, licking over his lips. He accidentally lets his tongue dip inside for a second and Harua stiffens.

“Not there.” he pleads and Maki immediately pulls back.

“Sorry.” Maki kissing over his thighs then goes back to sucking him off. Harua’s thighs clamp around Maki’s head, keeping him in place and Maki almost cums untouched. 

At some point Maki’s mouth goes tingly, his tongue numb. Harua can probably tell from the way he slows down because he pulls him back. Maki tries to dive back in but Harua’s hold is unforgiving.

“It’s okay. That’s enough.” Harua tries to reassure him but all Maki feels is something dark and tacky in the back of his throat, at the pit of his stomach.

“But you haven’t cum, yet.” Maki whines softly.

“I know, I’m sorry.” Harua looks genuinely apologetic which snaps Maki out of his horny haze. “I thought I would be able to but.. I promise it’s not your fault.”

Maki gets up and looks at Harua straight on. Holds his gaze for a while then leans down and kisses him. Harua hates kissing with tongue so Maki tries not to get too drooly with it. Kisses him soft and sweet, bites down gently on his bottom lip.

“Don’t say that. We’ll just try again next time, or not. I just want you to feel good, okay? If that means I never get to touch you again I’m fine with that.” Harua smiles shyly, kisses the corner of Maki’s lips.

“Thank you, Maki.”

“Do you want to fuck me?” Maki asks, trying to take Harua’s mind off things.

“Sure.” Harua smiles. His small hand goes down from the apple of Maki’s cheek to his hip, then his ass. Squeezes tightly, makes Maki gasp.

“I wish I could get as easily riled up as you.” It’s mostly a jab but Maki hears the wistfulness creeping. He desperately wants to lay Harua’s worries to rest.

“It’s okay.” Is all he’s able to muster up as Harua’s fingers wrap around his dick, jerking him off quickly, fist too tight. Maki collapses into him, breathing labored and stunted. It only takes a few strokes for him to spill into Harua’s fist, which he regrets almost instantly because that means Harua won't fuck him after all. He has to beg him, convince him that he's not too sensitive or tired, that he can take it. Eventually Harua gives in.

“You’re paying.” Nicholas says as a matter of fact shortly before he orders the most expensive coffee on the menu and an avocado toast. Maki grumbles but promptly swipes his card at the register, smiling sweetly at the cashier because he has manners unlike a certain someone.

Nicholas dragged him to have brunch at this place that recently opened up called The Old Lady. The prices, like most brunch places, are ridiculous but Maki forgets all his complaints as soon as he bites down into the club's switch he ordered, the side of sweet potatoes paired with the sauce makes him moan around each bite.

Still, he has to remind Nicholas of his older brother's duties so he pretends to hate it and asks him around a bite: “Why am I the one paying, again?”

“Because my amazing advice finally got you a boyfriend.” Maki chokes on a fry, coughing loudly enough for the people on the second floor to hear.

“Boyfriend?” He asks in bewilderment.

“Harua?” Nicholas sounds genuinely confused, which is sweet but Maki has to break it down to him sooner or later. 

“We’re not boyfriends?” He doesn’t mean for it to sound like a question but that’s exactly how it comes off. Nicholas smirks.

“We’re not.”

“You’ve not spent a night home in days.” Nicholas points out which, fair. But that still doesn’t mean he’s dating Harua.

“We’re just, you know..”

“And don’t tell me you’re just sleeping together, you don’t do casual, Maki.”

“I could.” Maki tries to argue back but it falls on deaf ears. Nicholas, unfortunately, knows him better than that.

Nicholas raises an eyebrow and that’s all it takes for Maki to succumb under the non-existent pressure.

“Okay, yeah. I can’t.” Nicholas smiles kindly. He cuts down a piece of his avocado toast and offers it to Maki, who bites down greedily. 

“So.” Maki starts, seemingly gearing up for a confession.

“So?” Nicholas probs, curiosity and headfulness mixing together. 

“You were right.” Maki fesses up and immediately feels a sense of relief. “I talked to Harua and he just doesn't like being touched all that much.”

“I’m always right.” Nicholas nods and Maki doesn’t have to meet his eyes to know he’s looking at his hickey-riddled neck. Harua did a number on him yesterday and Maki let him. Big deal.

“Can I ask you something?” Nicholas nods for him to go on. “I don't want you to be weird about it, please.”

“What is it?”

“He let me go down on him once like a week ago, but I've only been with cis guys before, so.. I don't think I made him feel very good.” Nicholas nods thoughtfully.

“Did you ask him about it?” Maki makes a face. Of course, Nicholas’s answer would yet again be some iteration of Just ask him or Just tell him how you feel. Which okay, fair, it worked last time, but Maki can take so much honesty and proper communication in such a short period of time.

“Sort of?” 

“What do you mean, sort of?”

“He told me it's not my fault and that he just doesn't get easily aroused.”

“So he told you what the issue is and you're still asking me if it's somehow your fault?” Nicholas can be so judgy. Just because therapy worked for him and now he's all healthy communication and trusting what everyone tells him at face value doesn't mean Maki is the same way.

“I know he said that and I trust him but.. I can't help it, okay? Maybe if I gave better head I could have actually, you know, made him cum.” 

“Okay, I get where you're coming from.” Nicholas sighs. “So what, you want tips in case he asks you to eat him out again?”

“Yeah.” It's embarrassing to ask not because it's sex but because it's Harua. Maki is once again losing his mind. It's becoming an addiction.

“Look, I know you don't want to hear this but it's different with everyone. You know where the clit is right?”

“Of course, I know where the clit is, what the hell?”

“Calm down, Romeo. You'd be surprised how many guys don't know where it is.” Maki nods. His cheeks are turning red. He's becoming tired of his face burning up constantly. “It's supposed to be the most sensitive part but I don't know how Harua is. He's on testosterone, right? I know some guys get less sensitive and stop getting wet after taking it for a while, so like, be careful if you finger him?”

“He doesn't like being fingered.”

“Right.” Nicholas takes a sip of his coffee. “I don't know what else to tell you. Talk to him, it could be a mental thing right? Because he's not comfortable with you, yet or something.”

“But what if he gets annoyed or, like, thinks I'm being too pushy?”

“I'm going to punch you.” Nicholas threatens, stealing a fry from Maki’s plate. “If you want to keep sleeping with him you have to, like, actually talk about it. He'll be able to tell if you're not there mentally because you're too busy worrying about stuff.”

“I know. I just.. I like him.” Maki confesses to no one in particular. He just wants to say the words out loud.

“I know and this is another thing you need to talk to him about if this keeps happening.” 

“I'm never asking you for advice ever again.”

“Sure.”

“It’s bothering you, isn’t it?” Harua sighs as he cleans Maki up. Maki is actively trying not to think about the fact that Yuma is in the other room. He tried to keep quiet at first but as soon as Harua got him on all fours, Maki knew it was a losing game.

“What is?” Maki’s still twitchy from his orgasm but he can tell by the tenseness in Harua’s jaw that something is bothering him.

“That you couldn’t make me cum last week.” Maki goes silent for a second, trying to figure out what gave it away. When he comes up blank he starts thinking of a way to blame this whole thing on Nicholas. Maki refuses to believe Nicholas can be right about everything all the time, so the logical explanation is that he’s a medium and he spoke this moment into reality just to fuck with Maki.

“It’s not.. not bothering me?” Great, Maki thinks. Now Harua will see how stupid he is and won’t want to sleep with him ever again.

“Maki.” Harua says softly and Maki braces himself. “I promise it’s not you. Most of the time I don’t cum even when I’m jerking off by myself. But I really like what we’re doing. It feels good even if I can’t show you proof of it.”

Maki looks to the side. He’s debating bringing it up because he does trust Harua but like Nicholas said, maybe it’s better to just get it off his chest.

“I know and I trust you when you say this. I just.. I’ve never been with–” The sentence dies down halfway through. Maki feels ridiculous for reasons he cannot explain.

“You’ve never what? Been with someone who’s trans?”

Maki nods.

“It’s like, I feel like I don’t know how to make you feel good because I’ve never eaten anyone out before.”

“Oh. Okay, I get it now.” Maki is still looking to the side. Harua’s hand cups his cheek and taps him softly until he gets the hint. “Listen, I didn’t want to bring this up because some people can be weird about it but.. We can use a vibrator?”

Maki thinks about it. He’s never used one on himself before because it takes very little for him to cum. But it could be fun.

“Will it help you cum?” He asks, kissing Harua’s palm. Harua smiles sweetly and nods.

“You have to be patient though. It would probably still take me a while.” Maki nods eagerly. “And please, don’t get upset if I’m still not able to cum.”

“I won’t, promise. Just want to take care of you.” 

“Okay.”

“When?” Maki tries not to sound too eager but fails spectacularly as always.

“I mean, we can try now if you want. I’m feeling it a little so it’ll probably work.” Maki nods. He grabs Harua and pushes him so he’s the one lying down. Harua laughs at him.

“Easy, baby. I need to actually get it first.” Harua escapes from underneath Maki who’s still very naked and probably a few careful touches away from getting hard again. 

He rummages through a drawer opposite the bed until he finds what he’s looking for. When Harua gets back on the bed Maki takes a closer look at it. It’s smooth, not too big and like most sex toys Maki has seen – bright purple. Harua shows him how to switch it on and how to change the speed, then puts a pillow against the headboard and leans back on it.

“Can I still use my fingers and mouth?” 

“Yeah, sure. Just don’t put them inside.” Maki makes a small salute, which successfully breaks the tension. Harua gives him a small laugh and seems to relax.

Maki takes his underwear off, using both hands to spread his thighs as wide as possible. He tries to remember how Harua had warmed himself up last time and though he wants to prove to himself that he’s gotten better since last time, he doesn’t immediately go in with his mouth, uses his fingers instead. The first touch is gentle but when Harua doesn’t move an inch, Maki presses down a bit harder, using his thumb to make small circular movements over the hood of Harua’s dick. He moves his fingers around to both sides instead of only focusing on the top and tries to hide a smile when he finally gets a reaction.

Maki focuses on the left side which seems to be more sensitive. It takes a while but eventually Harua gets hard. Maki leans down and takes him into his mouth hungrily, tongue swirling around the head.

“You can spit on it.” Harua tells him calmly. Or he tries to but Maki can hear the slight tremor in his voice. 

Maki pulls back, gathers saliva in his mouth, then opens it and lets it drip over his dick. Harua gasps softly at the feeling. He has one hand over his mouth, the other fisting the bedsheets. Maki misses the feeling of a firm hand in his hair, craves it. He also kind of wishes Harua would push him down, rub himself all over Maki’s face. He can be rough when they fuck but somehow when Maki is between his legs he gets a little hesitant, holds back.

Maki takes the hand that’s gripping the sheets and puts it where he wants it.

“Please,” he whines, nose against Harua’s dick, mouth going down to lick over his cunt. 

“Don’t–” Harua tries to warn.

“I know, I won’t.” Maki reassures him, keeps dragging his tongue over the folds without dipping it inside.

He pulls back and looks up at Harua. There’s light blush dusting his cheeks and Maki feels on top of the world. He cant his hips into the sheets, rubbing himself to hardness. 

“Can you like, hold me down?” Maki pleads, voice sticky and thin.

“Hold you down?”

“Yeah, like, use your hand to push me down and hold me there.” Harua raises an eyebrow, eyes darkening. Oh he likes that, Maki thinks smugly, imaginary puppy tail wiggling in satisfaction.

“Please?” He feels Harua’s hold in his hair tighten and then he’s unable to breathe. Harua holds him down alright. Maki feels his dick leaking precum against the bedsheets. He doesn’t even have to ask Harua for more because he must be able to read Maki’s mind. Harua starts moving against his face, bumping his dick against Maki’s nose, who’s too busy drooling. At some point Harua yanks him back, brings him up and makes him take his dick in his mouth again. 

Harua is making these little cut-off noises and Maki can’t get enough. When his thighs close around Maki’s head, making him feel surrounded from all sides he almost cums, but Harua yanks him away suddenly.

Maki looks up with teary eyes and can see him trying to catch his breath, chest heaving, teeth sunk into his bottom lip. 

“I’m getting close. Can you use the vibrator, please?” Maki hears the words loud and clear but he’s too busy drinking in the sight in front of him. He can’t tear his eyes away from Harua’s face.

“Maki?” Harua giggles, patting Maki’s face softly. “Are you here?”

“Mhmm.” 

“Can you use it? Please, baby.” Maki nods, trying not to show how much Harua calling him baby is getting to his head. He takes the vibrator, switches it on to the highest setting and presses it against Harua’s dick.

“Shit.” Harua curses, leg jerking from the sudden intensity. The hand in his hair remains there but Harua uses his other one to grip Maki’s shoulder, nails digging into his flesh, marking him subconsciously.

Harua’s breathing picks up, sweet moans spilling from somewhere deep inside. Now that Maki is not buried in his cunt he can actually watch him fall apart and it’s probably the hottest thing in the world.

“I’m close.” Harua warns. Maki nods, keeps pressing forward until Harua’s legs close around him again and he finally finishes. It comes in waves, Harua shakes like a leaf through it, eyes shut tightly.

When it finally comes to an end, he slowly peels them open and looks down at Maki, dopey and satisfied.

“Thank you.” he mouths, squeezing Maki’s neck, then letting his nails trail up and down slowly.

“Come here.” Harua beckons him into his lap. Maki barely fits but he likes sitting there, likes riding Harua even more. “Let me get you off.” Harua whispers into his neck as he wraps a hand around Maki’s leaking cock. He’s so strung up it only takes a few strokes for him to spill. Harua brings his hand up to his lips and makes Maki clean up his own mess and if Maki hadn’t already cum a second time, he’d probably be getting hard again because what the fuck. 

“Is this okay?” Maki asks for the fifth time in the last two minutes. Harua tries not to look annoyed but Maki can see it laced in his eyebrows and jaw.

“Maki, I told you it’s fine. Just.. keep going.”

And, okay, maybe Maki is going a little overboard, but they’re doing this for the first time, so blame him for being anxious. Not only are they doing this for the first time, it’s something Harua had explicitly told him he’s not into.

Maki three fingers deep inside Harua, whose face hasn’t shifted once since they started. Maki uses his thumb to rub at his dick but even that doesn’t seem to be getting much of a reaction out of him. He can’t help but wonder if Harua even likes this. 

Harua texted him an hour ago to come over and bring condoms so, naturally, Maki ran over to his place, not before taking a shower and douching, only for Harua to spread his legs and tell Maki to get him prepared.

“I haven’t done this in a long time, so be gentle.” Harua had warned him. 

Maki couldn’t help but wonder what brought on this change but he didn’t want to upset Harua so here he is. He’s using even more lube than Harua usually uses on him and it’s making this squelchy sound every time he trusts in and out. Harua had scolded him briefly for being wasteful but Maki has been at it for ten minutes now and Harua’s still tight, so Maki doesn’t regret making a mess.

“I’ll wash your sheets for you afterwards, promise.” Harua had sighed and let him keep at it.

“That’s enough.” Harua speaks up suddenly, giving Maki a look he can’t quite decipher. “You can put it in.”

“Are you sure? You’re still kind of tight?” Maki keeps his fingers still waiting for Harua’s verdict.

“It’s fine.” He mumbles. Maki is still unsure but pulls out. He’ll just have to go extra slow.

“Let me put it on.” Harua grabs one of the condoms from the bed side table, opens it and quickly rolls it over Maki’s dick. Then just to be mean he strokes him fast and tight a few times. Maki whines, hips buckling without his permission.

“You’re so easy.” Harua jokes.

“Am not.” Maki grumbles. He so is.

“But you are.” Harua smiles, lying down again. “That’s what I like about you.”

Harua spreads his legs: “Come on.” he beckons Maki over.

Maki takes a deep breath. He fists his cock a few times, then lines it up to Harua’s entrance. He pushes in slowly, watching Harua’s face the whole time for any sign of discomfort. He’s barely able to fit the head in. Harua is tense all over, his face scrunched up. Maki tries to push in a little bit further but Harua whines, his walls squeezing him too tight, not letting him move one bit.

“Relax.” Maki whispers. He massages Harua’s hip with his hand, uses the other to rub at his dick, but no matter how he tries to distract him from the pain Harua doesn’t seem to be able to relax.

“Tell me what to do.” Maki pleads.

“Just– just wait.” Harua barely gets the words out, a pained noise escaping through his lips no matter how much he bites down in an attempt to stop them from spilling. “Ah, can you kiss me?” 

“Of course.” Maki tries not to move too much as he leans down and captures Harua’s lips into a slow kiss. Maki licks over his bottom lip, bites down gently how Harua likes it. Harua’s arms wrap around his shoulder, nails digging into the soft flesh so hard Maki can’t help but hiss. He wouldn’t be surprised if he finds blood under Harua’s nails later when they’re cleaning up.

“You can move.” Harua breathes into his mouth eventually. He still looks a bit tense but when Maki moves his hips experimentally the resistance is no longer there. He still goes slowly but eventually his hips meet Harua’s. Maki moans softly. It feels good. He’s only topped a handful of times but each time has been more overwhelming than the last. Maybe it’s because it’s Harua but Maki already feels close to the edge.

“Does it hurt?” He asks, Harua’s face betraying very little.

“A little.” Harua admits, voice barely audible. “It’s okay, you can move.”

“Are you sure?” Harua nods.

Maki pulls back halfway and trusts in experimentally. Harua makes a noise. Maki still can’t tell if he’s actually enjoying this. For both their sakes he goes as slow as possible, building a steady rhythm, never pulling out all the way. Harua relaxes around him and Maki feels a sense of relief. He picks up his pace after a minute. Harua is so warm inside, Maki’s doing his very best not to bust from the get go. He closes his eyes, succumbing to the pleasure.

When he opens them he stills completely. Harua is crying. 

“Why did you stop?” Harua hiccups.

“You’re crying?” Harua tries to hide his face in the pillow but Maki is having none of it. “What’s wrong, tell me.”

“Nothing. Can you just keep going?”

“Harua.” Maki’s voice is loud and stern, it makes Harua flinch back. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing, tell me, please. Does it hurt?”

“Yeah.” 

“Do you want me to pull out?” Harua nods, still refusing to meet Maki’s eyes.

Maki pulls out carefully, ties the condom and throws it in the trashbin by the door. By the time he returns to the bed Harua is curled up in a ball, sniffling into the pillow. It makes Maki’s heart squeeze painfully. He’s not sure how to go about this. Harua didn’t give him much to work with. All he knows is that Harua is crying and he wants to soothe him somehow.

“Can I hug you?” Maki asks quietly as he lies down on the bed behind Harua.

“Sure.” Maki scoots closer, wraps his arms around Harua’s waist and brings him close to his chest. Close enough that Harua can probably feel his heart beating rapidly like a drum. Maki kisses the back of his neck, breathes him in.

A few minutes go by before Harua stops shaking.

“I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“I thought I could do it but.. it just felt kind of awful. Sorry that you didn’t get off, I can blow you in a bit if you want.”

Maki feels sick to his stomach.

“Don’t say that. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t get off, what the hell? You were sobbing. Why didn’t you tell me to pull out?” Anger is bleeding through. Maki is upset but somehow it’s irritation that colours his words.

“I wanted to like it. I thought..since I like you so much it could work.” Maki can’t see the kind of face Harua is making, can only guess from the way his voice trembles, dying down at the very end.

“Harua?” Harua hums to let him know he’s listening. “I like the sex that we have. You fuck me four times a week, I spent the other three thinking about it and rubbing the skin off my dick while I jerk off to the memory of it.” Harua makes a noise that could be a laugh, Maki’s not sure.

“We don’t have to change it. If you want to try new things or things you’ve done before that you didn’t like, I’m fine with that. But you don’t have to force yourself for my sake.”

“I know.” Harua eventually musters up the courage to turn around in his arms and look Maki in the eye. “I know, I just.. It’s you and things always feel good with you so I thought I might be okay with it.” 

Maki feels something spread through his whole body.

“Hey, can I take you out on a date?” Now’s as good a time as any Maki thinks. These feelings are too big to keep them bottled inside. It’s scary but he wants Harua to know.

“All of a sudden?” Harua smiles. It eases Maki’s nerves a little. Even if he says no he won’t be mean about it. Maki can live with that.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while.” he confesses and watches Harua’s face turn even more beautiful than usual. He’s radiant. The way joy sits on his face cannot be put into words. It looks so natural.

“You want me even though I have snot all over my face?” Harua teases. Maki leans down and kisses his cheek. Harua’s eyes turn big and round. 

“Especially because you have snot all over your face.” Harua punches his chest softly.

“You suck.”

“So?”

“Sure. Let’s go on a date.” Maki smiles, leans down and kisses him on the lips. It only lasts a second. He goes to pull away but Harua yanks him back, kisses him until there’s barely any air in his lungs. When they pull apart Maki is gasping. He’s pretty sure he wants to spend forever like this.