Chapter Text
Sirius was slowly getting better. Which was absolutely wonderful. Since he ran away from his parents he started eating more, smiled more often, sometimes even talked loud and bold like he used to, some years ago. James was really proud of him. Of course there where still some bad days. Days when he would refuse to come out of bed. Days when nothing could cheer him up. When he felt guilty about leaving Regulus alone. Basically giving him up. Regulus wasn't in danger, he'd always been the precious son. But without Sirius around, he wouldn't resist their parents influence and be easily dragged completely to the dark side. But if Sirius hadn't left, he'd be dead now and no help to Regulus either.
Last year, when he was at his worst, Sirius sometimes wouldn't eat at all for days on end. No matter how hard James had tried to convince him. Sirius had turned to skin and bones in front of his eyes. That could never happen again. James made sure that Sirius always ate his three meals per day. The school year started again, classes resumed, meals at the great hall became a routine. And it worked, he started to gain some weight back. James had figured out, that it helped Sirius to eat with others, so he would feel less guilty. James wanted to support him.
But over time, slowly, there were these thoughts creeping into his brain. If Sirius gained weight, and he ate the same amount, he would also gain, right? And he needed to stay slim for Quidditch. As a seeker he had to be quick. But Sirius had taken to model his portions after James's. To regain a feeling of what was a normal portions size. So James couldn't just eat less. For some time, he desperately thought about what to do. When he looked at himself in the mirror, he looked so huge in comparison to Sirius. He pinched his side, his thighs, that he felt had become so soft in the last weeks.
He resolved to working out more. That way he could make up for the extra food. He started running. Usually in the morning before anyone else was awake. Sirius always used to be the first one up in the morning, impatient for them to join him, but since the stress of his parents hovering was gone, he actually managed to get proper rest. Leaving the time for James to slip out of the dorm unnoticed. He made a habit of going down to the great hall early, drinking coffee and then pretending he already ate when the others showed up. He always made sure, Sirius had his full meal though. For lunch and dinner it was more difficult. He tried having smaller portions but Sirius immediately clocked him.
“What are you doing?”
“I'm having a salad. It's healthy, you know?”
“No. You're having 5 salad leaves. That's not enough.” His voice was shaking ever so slightly.
“I'm just trying to stay fit.”
Sirius eyes bore into his. Silently. Searching for the real reason. James gulped. He didn't want to worry his best friend. Quickly piled some other veggies and chicken on his plate. But for the days afterwards, he felt that Sirius observed him more closely. His eyes analyzing his plate. He made sure to eat properly. Not that that was difficult. He was always hungry these days. Still he tried to focus on more vegetables on his plate, always refused dessert.