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“Hey. Killua?”
“Mm?”
“Would you come to my funeral?”
Killua stopped in mid-flip of his page. He looked at Gon, who gave him a sunny smile, then back down at his book.
“Why?” Killua asked over the shrill cry of seagulls. “You planning on dying anytime soon?”
Gon hummed thoughtfully as he bent his legs back and forth. He kept his gaze on Killua’s hunched form and said, “No. I don’t think so, at least.”
“Then that’s a pretty stupid question.”
“It’s not!” Gon puffed his cheeks out- which was kinda hard to do while he was lying stomach-down on the floor of an open car trunk.
It was a Wedesnday. They had taken (stolen) one of the vans from Killua’s house in the early hours of the day and left without telling anyone. Aunt Mito was away visiting some distant cousins and Killua’s parents worked during the week, so no one had any idea of what Killua and Gon had done. If they wanted to, they could drive forever and never go back.
They’d finally stopped somewhere along the coast hours away from their little town. Gon had never been to a beach before but he’d always wanted to visit one. He liked it a lot more in person then in the pictures.
The very first thing he did was run head first into the ice cold water, dragging Killua in by the hand. Killua had screeched for Gon to stop but he lost to Gon’s abnormal strength. He had his payback, though; he shoved a handful of seaweed down Gon’s shirt. After they got out and left their shirts to dry in the sun, Gon ran off to buy sandwiches and Killua pulled down the back seats so they could lay out for a bit and relax.
That had been an hour ago, though. Killua had settled down cross-legged with a book, leaving Gon bored. And when left with nothing to do, Gon’s mind tended to wander.
Gon rested his chin on his folded arms. He said honestly to Killua, “I’m just curious.”
Killua turned another page. “You get curious about the weirdest things.”
Gon waited patiently but Killua didn’t say anything else. He pouted. “Killua. I’m serious.”
Killua sighed heavily and dragged his eyes from a paragraph to Gon. Gon felt his stomach twist under the focus of that intense blue gaze-
“You’re really not going to let this slide, are you?”
“Nope!”
“And you really want to know?”
“Yeah, of course! I wouldn’t ask, otherwise.”
Killua sighed again. “Fine, whatever. The answer is no. I wouldn’t go to your funeral.”
Gon’s grin froze. “Wha- why?!” Something like disappointment, but mixed oddly with confusion, bubbled up somewhere deep inside him.
Killua raised an eyebrow. “Why does it matter?”
“I-” Gon stopped. He didn’t know why, he just wanted to know…
“Is it because it’s your birthday? Is that where this is all coming from? I know we’re seniors and our last year as high schoolers is coming to an end and everything, but I’m pretty sure that we agreed no sad thoughts are allowed on birthdays.”
Gon frowned. Was that it? He hadn’t been thinking about his birthday or graduation at all, just happy to spend the whole day with Killua uninterrupted. But he guessed it could be related.
He never really thought about death, either. It was always there, dancing on the edge of their crazy dares and bloody fights. But being only eighteen, the concept was too far away in the future for him to give it any real attention.
No, the question had just popped into his head, like almost everything else. And like everything else, the first thing he did was talk about it with Killua.
Killua shut his book with a slap, startling Gon. The silver-haired teen set it to the side then leaned forward on his crossed legs.
He said, “Listen, Gon. Funerals are just- they’re sad, lonely places, okay? People do it to remember and honor the dead but instead it just ends up focusing on the single, obvious fact: the person you love is gone. And there’s nothing anyone can do about it.”
Gon gazed at his friend with wide eyes. He asked after a pause, “Is that why you won’t come to my funeral?”
Killua gave him an incredulous glare. “Do you even hear yourself, sometimes?”
“Just answer!”
Killua made a face but answered, “No, that’s not why I wouldn't go.”
“Then why not?!” Gon burst out, frustration making him raise his voice.
“Because,” Killua said slowly. “The only way you’re getting a funeral is if I have one too.”
Gon muscles locked in place. He stared at Killua, chest tight and cold at the same time, and Killua looked back impassively.
“N-no!” Gon stuttered after a moment.
“No, what?”
“I mean, no, you’re not going to die so you can’t have a funeral!”
Killua leaned back against the side of the car. “Everyone dies, Gon. It’s part of the circle of life and all that bullshit. Didn’t you watch The Lion King?”
He had watched The Lion King. And he’d cried for days after he saw the scene where Mufasa was crushed by the stampede. But that wasn’t the point.
Gon pushed himself up on all fours. “But you- you can’t die. I won’t let that happen!”
Killua’s cheeks darkened to a light shade of pink. “You can’t stop it. Life doesn’t work like that.”
Gon leaned forward into Killua’s personal space, ignoring the mortified expression that appeared on the pale teen’s face, and said adamantly, “I can try! I don’t want anything bad to happen to you ever, so it makes sense I wouldn’t let you die.”
Killua scoffed but the slight smile and affectionate look in his eyes spread a rush of warmth through Gon’s body.
Killua said gently, “And that’s why I wouldn’t go to your funeral. I don’t want anything to happen to you, either. And if it does, I want to be by your side so I can protect you and help you fight whatever it is that’s hurting you. Do you understand?”
And just like that, Gon did.
Killua wasn’t talking about giving up on life just because Gon wasn’t there anymore. He was saying that he was always going to be by Gon’s side, laughing and running and fighting because no matter what challenged him, they would be together.
Gon could feel his face growing uncomfortably hot. His eyes pricked and his throat burned.
Abruptly he threw his arms around Killua’s neck- ignoring Killua’s squawk of surprise and the awkward way he ended up sprawled across Killua’s lap- and squeezed tightly.
“Gon?” Killua asked gently after a slight pause.
He screwed his eyes shut and didn’t answer. Instead he focused on Killua; his smell, the rise and fall of his bare chest pressed to Gon's, the cool temperature of his pale skin and the soft locks of silver hair.
No one could replace Killua, no matter what happened down the line. Killua was his most important person. Now and forever. Nothing could change that.
Killua let out a long breath and reached up to brush long fingers through Gon’s dark brown spikes.
“You’re such a baby,” Killua’s voice was a murmur in his left ear. “You’re the one who asked, remember?”
Gon hummed. “I know.”
They fell into a comfortable silence, still embracing. Gon could taste the salty tang of the ocean on his tongue. The sound of crashing waves wafted in through the open trunk. Somewhere in the distance, there was a peal of children’s laugher.
He wished they could stay here and exist in this moment forever. They wouldn’t have to be scared about the future, or Killua’s parents, or what their plans were after school was over. It could be just him and Killua, living and breathing with their hearts beating in time like they were two halves of one whole.
“Killua?” Gon spoke quietly.
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad you’re here with me.”
Gon felt Killua’s smile against his forehead. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
Gon’s chest swelled. The warmth from earlier spread all the way to the tips of his ears and down to his toes.
If happiness existed in any form, Gon had found it with Killua.