Chapter Text
There was no label for what existed between you and Tamsy. You weren’t dating, had never slept together, you hadn’t even shared a kiss, but there was certainly a… tension between the two of you. He was much more of a flirt than you thought he would be when you first met. His cool demeanor lent itself well to slipping through the cracks of the carefully constructed walls people put up—walls meant to defend themselves from people like him—and that silver tongue of his was perfect for teasing out information.
Over the past several months, there was obviously something going on between you two. Tamsy always found a way to slither his way next to you in the car or at the cafeteria table. His skillful hands frequently grazed across your arm, or sometimes your thigh, light enough to go unnoticed if you weren’t painfully aware of his presence.
Even his words sometimes rivalled that of the serpent who invited sin to the garden in the east. Sickly sweet and dripping with appeals to your deeper desires, perfectly adept at getting what he wanted.
Every interaction left a buzz in your heart, and, for some foolish reason, you thought he felt the same. But now, looking at him across the bar as he lazily leaned into the woman by his side, raising his hand to gently brush her bangs away from the eyes he was looking into with such longing—the way he looked at you…
How did things end up like this?
It had been a relatively idle day compared to most, and you and several other Cleaners had made plans to pop into the local bar. You all intended to head over together, but as you approached the entrance, you found Semiu scolding Enjin for some error he made in his report.
This was not a shocking scene. What was shocking was when she turned to you with the same stern look in her eyes.
“You too,” she shot, though her tone was considerably less severe.
Your face must have conveyed your confusion, and given the fact that Semiu never caught an error in your reports before, she wasn’t surprised that you were caught off guard.
“You both made errors on your last mission reports,” she said, nodding her head over toward the forms that sat atop her desk. “Fix them.”
The look in her eyes told the two of you very directly that you were not leaving until the changes were made. Thus, Semiu, Tamsy and Gris made their way over first. Tamsy threw you a sly look as he trailed behind the others.
Damn. You couldn’t believe you made such a simple mistake it would leave you in the same boat as Enjin. You must have been getting careless lately.
Unfortunately, due to the nature of your mistakes, both reports had to be restarted from the beginning. Luckily for you, that wasn’t too hard of a task. Enjin on the other hand—whose face was currently face down on the desk—was not having as easy of a time. You don’t even think you saw him pick up a pen yet.
You weren’t cruel enough to take the only remaining car and leave him to walk to the bar, so you waited for him to finish. It took much longer than you had hoped, but with a few encouraging words he managed to fill the form out correctly, releasing you both on your merry way.
You spotted Semiu first when you finally made it to the bar. She and Gris were occupying a table along the far back wall. You instantly noticed the absence of the third member of their party causing your eyes to wander as Enjin made his way directly to the bartender.
That’s when you saw him.
You felt a pain in your chest. First it was the shock of seeing the man who you’d grown close with over the past few months treat a woman who you were sure he hadn’t known longer than an hour no different than how he treated you. Then it was the realization that you really were no different from that woman who gently splayed her hand across his chest, dipping ever so slightly downward. You were both all too eager to bite the apple.
You watched as he leaned in close to her, his lips grazing her ear as he whispered words you were sure you’d heard before. The woman hid her face, a blush clearly evident across her cheeks. Tamsy brought his hand down the side of her face and let it brush along her neck, then her arm. He didn’t even try to hide the smirk that formed, proud that he emerged victorious from the conquest he created in his head.
You knew it would be foolish to act on your pain right now. After all, Tamsy wasn’t yours to begin with. He had every right to entertain whomever he desired, no matter how it may hurt your heart.
You were willing to leave it at that. To just go join the others in a drink and try to find some joy yet from this torturous night. You thought back on earlier in the day when you remembered feeling excited by the prospect of having a night out with the man you were now watching with someone else. You could have left it all behind. That was until you saw Tamsy’s gaze flicker to you. He had that same look on his face from early—cunning, crafty, knowing.
You felt a spark light in your core. The realization hit you hard.
You knew you would never make such a simple mistake on your report.
His gaze flashed back to the woman before him just as quickly as it fell on you. It was him.
All it took was that one look for you to understand what was really happening. He was trying to hurt you. That realization lapped the other two and you felt the pain in your chest ignite from a somber flame to a raging fire.
Your heart was not unfamiliar with forgiveness. But for anyone who finds it that easy to hurt you—who takes pleasure in it—you’d sooner watch the world burn than let them know that side of your heart.
For some people, that type of blazing passion was exactly what they were looking for in a woman. Unfortunately for Tamsy, you weren’t going to let him reap what he sowed.
You diverted your attention away from the two lovebirds at the bar and instead opted to make your way to the opposite end where Enjin sat. He somehow was already on his second drink. How long had you been staring at them?
“Not that I’m complaining,” he said as you took your seat, “but I wasn’t expecting your company tonight.”
“That makes two of us,” you replied, waiving the bartender down to order whatever Enjin was sipping on. If there was one thing you could count on your leader for, it was a potent beverage that probably tasted like death but was good at keeping the sadness away. In fact, it was probably good at drowning out every emotion known to man. It was reckless to try and drink away your feelings, but in that very moment, you couldn’t think of anything else you’d like more.
You kept your gaze fixed down at the bartop, not wanting to see any more of whatever was happening on the other side of the room. A messy jumble of drab emotions and thoughts swirled around your head. You prayed the drink would come quickly.
As the bartender brought over your drink, you told him to just add it to the blond’s tab.
“No need,” he said. His voice was gruff. “This one’s paid for.”
You and Enjin both looked at him, wondering why you were getting a free drink while he was still nursing his paycheck away. Without a word, the bartender directed his gaze down the bartop. You followed his eyes. Several seats down sat a gentleman in a neat overcoat and dress shirt. That type of attire was foreign on the Ground. He must have some big friends in high places.
He took a sip from his glass as his eyes connected with yours over the rim. He then brought his glass away from his lips and raised it slightly in the air, tipping his head your way. You could tell from the way he carried himself that he was a high class man. These bars attracted all sorts of people, but his type—they were a rarity.
Your face heated up as you finally put the pieces together. This was new. You’d never had a stranger buy you a drink before. It was… nice.
You bowed your head, hoping to show your gratitude for his kindness. Truthfully, you weren’t sure what to do. Should you go talk to him? Was this his way of inviting you over?
Luckily Enjin chimed in to redirect your attention.
“That’s it?” he said, a smile cracking on his face. “That man just bought you a drink and all you give him is a nod?” He was laughing at you.
“What,” you said, trying to disguise your embarrassment as confidence. You didn’t ask him to buy it. It’s not like you actually owed him anything.
You set your gaze back toward the man, but your eyes fell on someone beyond him. Someone who looked like he had the intent to kill.
Tamsy, from the far end of the bar with the woman still attached to his hip, was drilling holes into the back of the man’s head who bought your drink. You’d never seen him look so angry before. It was unsettling. For a moment you almost let yourself forget the way he had set you up tonight. When the memory came back, you felt a small sense of pride linger in your veins.
You weren’t interested in a game of cat and mouse with a man that so clearly didn’t mind hurting your feelings, but you couldn’t deny the satisfaction you got seeing that same man experience jealousy when you threw it back in his face. As a matter of fact, this wasn’t even intentional. You had no idea who this man was that bought your drink.
The whole scene gave you a new sense of courage.
“He looks like a capable man,” you said to Enjin, finally bringing your drink up to your lips. “If he wants something else I’m sure he knows how to use his words and ask.”
The smirk found its way back on his face—proud as he watched you walk over to the table to join Semiu and Gris. You were starting to feel a little more optimistic about the night. You made it about halfway to the table when you felt a presence approaching you from behind.
“Excuse me.” The voice was unfamiliar, but pleasant. You swiveled your face back to find the man from earlier. He was quite tall, shoulders broad, giving you the impression he stood out easily wherever he went. He was undeniably easy on the eyes. You thought his voice suited him well—elegant and refined, but not overbearing.
“I had hoped I might introduce myself,” he said, eyes meeting yours again. You got a better look at them now. They were soft, contrasting against his otherwise sharp features. You realized now that he was a bit older.
The corners of his mouth turned upward as he told you his name. “I was at the bar,” he said, never breaking eye contact while tilting his head back toward where we both came, as if you may have forgotten. He had a charm about him that made you not want to look away.
You couldn’t help but mirror his smile, drawn into the allure of another pretty boy giving you attention. You once laughed at the naivety in the Garden of Eden as if you had not descended from it.
The man offered you a seat at a nearby table, pulling the chair out like a proper gent practiced in such acts of chivalry. You took it gladly, trying to hide your bashful nature as he made his way around to the other seat. His gaze lingered on your face.
The way the two seats were situated positioned the man perfectly in the line of sight of Tamsy, blessing you with reprieve from his blatant attempts to provoke you. Failed attempts, you remind yourself. Because right now, while you were being pursued by a man of more tasteful inclinations, the yellow-eyed snake was trying to slither his way out of the trap he set for you, not realizing he fell for his own bait.
The night was turning out much better than you had expected. Even if you had spent your time chasing after Tamsy’s shifty attention, it would have paled in comparison to this. You were having an actual conversation with a man who truly seemed to want to talk to you. Every question was flipped back around, allowing you to speak about yourself, sometimes even more than he did. And he wasn’t being elusive with his responses either, letting you to get to know him—to see him for who he really was. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt this… seen.
You weren’t sure how much time had passed, but you were on your second or third drink, courtesy once again of the gentleman before you. You tipped your head back in laughter as he cracked out another quippy remark, well suited for the story he was telling, like it all came so naturally for him.
When he tilted his head back, sharing in your contagious joy, you noticed that Tamsy was no longer at the bar. You did a quick scan of the room and found that neither he nor the women on his arm were anywhere to be seen. You couldn’t deny the slight ache in your heart at the thought of what they were getting up to right now. It made you angry—the fact that something that felt so authentic could be eclipsed by a cruel hoax.
The time went unchecked until you heard Semiu calling your name. You looked over to see Gris at Enjin’s side, one arm slung under his shoulder in an attempt to keep him upright. You didn’t want to think about how much he must have had tonight. And you almost ended up right there with him.
You reluctantly said your goodbyes to the man who flipped your whole night around. With promises to meet again at the same spot another night, you finally made your way out the door with Semiu. You noticed that both of the Cleaner’s cars were still out front, meaning your missing party member either walked home or couldn’t have gone far.
“Do any of you know where Tamsy is?” You were hesitant to ask, but you figured you might be the only one with enough sense at the moment to notice his absence.
You heard some grumbling from Enjin as Gris tried his best to get him safely into the car. Semiu just shook her head while getting into the passenger seat.
“Nope,” she said, “and I don’t plan to stick around to find out.” You didn’t blame her. The drinks were starting to catch up to you too and it was already late. All you wanted to do was get back to HQ.
Finally satisfied with their leader’s arrangement, Gris got into the driver seat. He’d had his fair share of drinks, but was definitely the most sober of the three of them.
“Do you want to ride with us?” he asked you, starting up the car.
You did, but you had the keys to the other car. If you took off with them, you’d be leaving Tamsy stranded. If you were being honest with yourself, part of you relished in the thought of it. If you weren’t worried about the car getting jacked, you’d just leave the keys inside.
You were still collecting your thoughts to respond when another voice chimed in.
“That’s alright.”
You hadn’t heard that voice for a while. You whipped your head around to the source. Behind you, reclined against the wall of the bar’s exterior, was the man himself. Tamsy’s eyes were locked on you, the intensity not matching the easy smile on his lips.
“We can ride together,” he said, lifting off the wall to approach you, never once wavering.
You don’t know if it was the alcohol inhibiting their judgement or pure ignorance, but his answer seemed to satisfy the others who pulled out of the lot with a chorus of ‘drive safe’ and ‘see ya later.’
And then you were alone.
Thinking back on the past few months and the way he had so shamelessly strung you along like some toy, you suddenly didn’t want to waste any more of your time entertaining him. Certainly not after the enchanting night you’d just had with that complete stranger.
You decided to make your way straight to the car. As soon as your hand reached out for the handle you felt his hand latch onto yours, spinning you back around and yanking you in close to face him. His other hand quickly came under your arm to rest against your back, forcing the proximity between you two. You felt his breath against your cheek. Surprisingly, he didn’t smell of liquor in the slightest.
“Now where are you going off to?” His voice was low, the remnants of his anger didn’t seem to have dissipated at all over the course of the past few hours. If anything, it seemed to have strengthened, moulding into something more potent.
You didn’t want to be played for a fool again. Not when he’d made you feel so low only a few hours before.
“We’re going home,” you replied. Short and to the point. He didn’t deserve anything beyond that.
The hand on your wrist came up to your face, his thumb gently sliding underneath your eye as if to catch a tear that was falling and moved to cup the side of your head, caressing you like a lover.
“What’s the rush,” he lulled out. You felt his hand at your back creep lower. You weren’t sure what game he was trying to play now but you knew you didn’t want to participate.
“I’m tired,” you shot out apathetically. You wanted to make a sharp remark about how he should have stayed with the woman at the bar, but didn’t want to stoop to his level. It would have only fed his ego.
“You didn’t seem tired in there,” he tilted his head toward the bar entrance which was still within sight. Anyone could walk out and see the compromising position he had you in.
“It’s easy to stay awake with stimulating company,” you said, finally looking him in the eye. That seemed to have struck a nerve. You were coming to the realization that Tamsy did not like competition, especially when the prize was something he felt already belonged to him.
He pressed his entire body further into yours, pushing you both back against the car. This was a side of the Giver you’d never seen before. He was stronger than he looked, his frame firm but entirely hidden under that enormous outer coat.
“I can be stimulating too,” the words left his mouth as his eyes dropped down to your lips.
He then dipped his head in closer to your neck and trailed his lips up to your ear, ever so lightly dragging along its shell and whispered, “let me wake you up.”
You felt your thighs squeeze together involuntarily. He pressed a kiss to the lobe of your ear. Once, then again closer to your jaw. You felt like you were on fire.
He continued to trail his lips further along your neck and you were doing nothing to resist it. In fact, your head was falling back, blinded by the bliss, and making it all too easy for the snake to tighten its grip on you.
Tamsy, who was always so cool and collected, was showing his true colors to you now in the middle of this rundown bar parking lot. He had a hunger that possessed his every move, needing more. Craving each taste of you as his lips continued to make their way down your neck—slowly, but insatiable.
You heard him mutter something against your skin, but the words didn’t make it to your ears over the heavy breaths that were crawling up your throat. He said it again, louder this time.
“You belong to me.”
The moan that ripped out of your mouth next was pathetic. Your past self would have been ashamed of the sight playing out right now. But the you in this moment wanted nothing more for him to keep going, keep making you feel good.
You almost let yourself cave—beg him for more—until you heard the door of the bar open behind him, voices trailing out into the open air. You were immediately pulled from the moment, remembering exactly where you were and what you were doing. You tried to move away from the man attached to your neck, desperately wriggling your hands out of his hold to push him away, but he didn’t seem so keen on the idea.
His hands became even more mobile, brazenly exploring your body like you were the only two people in the world, let alone the parking lot. He pulled you even closer to him as you were desperately trying to move away, not wanting to get caught in such an indecent act.
This was all part of his game, you thought. He wanted to get caught—touching you, kissing you, marking you.
And despite it all—all of that big talk before about not letting him have the satisfaction of playing you again, despite the way he willingly cradled your heart of glass only to smash it on the floor—you liked it.
You liked the way he was holding you tight. You liked how his lips felt against your skin and his words declared your submission to him. You didn’t want him to stop. You weren’t embarrassed at the idea of being caught—you were excited by it.
The realization caused another moan to leave your mouth, this time in the form of his name. You were beginning to hope the patrons were too drunk to even notice your rendezvous and just walk by without a hitch when suddenly Tamsy was pulling away from you neck and moving back up to your ear, caressing the other side of your head to keep you close.
“ Get in the car,” he breathed out hard. It wasn’t a request, it was a command. And you were all too eager to play the compliant thrall.
He gave you just enough room to spin around, hands planted firmly on your hips now, as you reached for the door handle again. He was leaning in close, face buried in your hair, breathing in your scent. As you began to pull it open, you heard him growl.
“Not there.”
His hand slammed against the car door you were opening, forcing it shut.
You felt so flustered. Between the alcohol and his mouth, you couldn’t think straight and he was growing impatient. He moved you down along the side of the car and opened the backseat door, shoving you in.
You get in the car quickly. As he crawled in after you, you found yourself wondering again: how did things end up like this?
Tamsy’s hands had you flipping over before you finished dragging yourself into the car, forcing you to pull yourself backward on your elbows and push the heels of your feet into the cushions to make space for the Cleaner crawling in after you.
He had a look in his eyes that sent a shock to your core. You had never taken Tamsy to be the jealous type. He always seemed so sure of himself. He had a subtle confidence that boasted of self-assurance in everything he did. But the way he dragged his eyes over you… it wasn’t just possessive, it was desperate.
You heard him whisper those four words again.
“You belong to me.” Except it came out different this time. It was no longer a fact. It was a plea, like he was trying to convince you.
“Say it,” he whispered. The next word never came out, but his eyes said it loudly: Please.
There was a deep ache in your core that was so willing to be obedient. To just give him exactly what he wanted. But the other part of you, the part that still wasn’t ready to let go of your resentment, remembered how that exact path is what led to his actions earlier tonight.
Your upper back was pressed against the door now, practically lounged across the full seat, as he hovered in front of you, one knee positioned between your legs, the other beside your left. The door behind him was still wide open, inviting anyone around a front row seat to your position.
“I won’t,” the words came out shaky, but determined. You saw his eyebrows furrow, his bottom eyelids tensed under his pretty eyes, dissatisfied by your response. Then his brows turned up slightly in the center as he realized you weren’t going to give into his whims as easily as you used to.
He dropped his head down to your stomach, allowing his back to dip down while wrapping his arms behind your hips, hands spread out flat against your back. You felt him nuzzle his face into your flesh, rubbing back and forth, like a kitten with its mother.
“I need you,” he pleaded into your skin. You’d never seen him look so pitiful. His suave nature seemed like nothing more than an illusion now. “I need to feel you, to make you mine.”
You felt a fracture begin to form on the face of your moral compass. The culmination of the entire night—no, the past few months—were crashing down into you at this one moment in time. The climax of your complicated relationship was presented before you as a fork in the road: one path leading to your deepest desires, the other to the more sensible conclusion.
You heard more voices from behind him. People were leaving the bar in droves now. They must be closing for the night and you could tell the voices were drawing nearer. You didn’t have a lot of time to make a decision. Your head was spinning.
“Tamsy,” you called his name, strained. He tilted his head up to look in your eyes. They were brimming with sin and torment. “We shouldn’t stay here.”
Your words made no mention of where you should go nor did they make promises of what you would do when you got there, but the neediness of your tone was enough for him.
“Stay here,” he said definitively, moving off of you and out the door. “I’ll drive.”
Fuck it, you thought. Let the world burn.