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After the cleanup, the Z-Team throws a party at Robert’s place.
Invisigal even tells Herman to come, but he assumes it’s more of a pity invite than anything else. Which is still more than he usually gets for these kinds of things! He’d had fun at Robert’s housewarming, but looking back on it, it was kind of embarrassing too, what with the puking and the silly dancing he’d done. He’s sure they’ll have a better time without him, so he figures he’ll skip this time, maybe stay home and watch a movie with his grandma or something.
But right as he’s clocking out of his shift, there’s a warm hand tapping his shoulder.
“You’re coming to the party, right?” Robert asks.
Which… is how Herman ends up here, nursing a beer in the corner of Robert’s kitchen.
He doesn’t even like beer, but Malevola magicked a ton of it from the rec room so no one really bothered to bring anything else. Herman finishes the rest of his bottle anyway and grabs a new one from the box on the counter, wincing at the taste. He's still chasing the feeling from the last party, when he'd had a few too many and everything went a bit fuzzy around the edges. The world had seemed a little less scary that way.
Herman had stuck to Robert's side a bit more at the last party, but he's nowhere to be found at the moment. Which… well. In any case, he figures should probably try getting better at socializing with the others. Prism notices Herman standing to the side and drags him out to the dance floor, so he tries his best to relax, have fun, and not drip too much water on the floor. The stuffy warmth of the apartment eventually starts getting to him, though, so he stumbles out of the living room and makes his way to the balcony.
He doesn't notice Robert leaning on the railing until he's already slid the door open.
"Oh!" Herman says. "Sorry, I didn't see you there, Robert — sir. I don't have to — I can just —"
Robert laughs. "Don't sweat it, kid, there's enough room for both of us."
He shifts over to the side, patting the railing to his left. Herman hesitates for a moment before he steps outside, closing the balcony door behind him. The cool night air is a relief on his clammy skin, and Herman lets out a little sigh.
"You doing okay, Herm?" Robert asks, his voice low and gentle as always. "The guys aren't giving you too much of a hard time in there, are they?"
Herman jumps. "No, no they're fine! It was just — getting a little hot. And loud." God, he's still not used to Robert calling him by his first name.
"Okay, good," Robert smiles. "I'm glad."
It's only then that Herman notices the joint in Robert's hand, smoke curling out from the end. Robert raises it to his mouth as Herman watches, the lit tip glowing even brighter as he takes a drag.
"You smoke?" Herman blurts out.
Robert holds the smoke in his lungs for a long minute before he blows it out in front of him, careful not to get it in Herman's face. Herman catches a whiff of it anyway, earthy and a little skunk-y, but he doesn't mind it much.
"Yeah, sometimes," Robert answers. "It helps me relax."
"Oh," Herman says. "Cool."
Robert glances over at him. "What about you? Ever tried getting high?"
Herman blinks. "Me? Oh, no I — I can't really smoke. I tried before, with — with a cigarette, but you know. I just get it wet."
Robert makes a thoughtful noise. "Huh, yeah. I guess that would make it pretty hard."
It's quiet again as Robert takes another pull from the joint. Herman fidgets with his hands, trying his best not to drip water onto the railing. It's a futile effort, of course, but he tries anyway.
Robert idly turns the joint over in his hand as he exhales the smoke. "You wanna try anyway?"
"Huh?" Herman's confused. "I — I just told you, I can't —"
"There's more than one way to get high, kid," Robert says, amused.
"R-Really?" Herman furrows his eyebrows.
Robert laughs. "Just lean down for me, will you?"
Herman obeys without really thinking about it, mind still stuck on Robert's last point. "I mean, there's ed— edibles I guess, but I thought —"
A warm hand lands on his cheek, and Herman's mouth snaps shut.
Robert's face is close, so much closer than he remembers it being. Even closer than when he tied his tie for him back on his first day at SDN. His thumb grazes over Herman's mouth, gently pressing down on his bottom lip.
"Remember to breathe in, okay?" Robert says. His voice is a little huskier than before, maybe from all the smoke.
Before Herman can formulate even a semblance of an answer to that, Robert turns his head to the side and takes a long, deep drag from the joint. He comes back, holding the smoke in his mouth, and it finally clicks in Herman's head.
Oh god, is this really happening?
He's frozen in disbelief, but the first brush of Robert's lips against his own makes him gasp. Barely a touch, but it's enough to send a shudder down his back. Fuck, he's so close.
Robert holds him steady, then slowly exhales the smoke into his mouth.
The acrid warmth burns his throat but Herman swallows it all down, just like Robert told him to, their shared breath mingling together in the sliver of space between them. The smoke swirls in his lungs, hot and heady, and he tries to hold it in as long as he can.
Robert doesn't move away, even when he's done shotgunning the smoke. His calloused thumb carefully strokes over Herman's cheek, and Herman's eyes slide shut of their own accord.
"You can breathe it out now, Herm," Robert murmurs.
Herman doesn't — want to turn away, not yet. But it's not long before the pleasant burn in his lungs becomes too much, and he breaks away to cough over the side of the balcony. Robert pats him as he wheezes out the smoke, rubbing soothing circles against his back.
"That was good for your first time," Robert says encouragingly.
Herman bites his lip, suppressing a shiver. God, does he have to say it like that?
Robert hands him the beer he'd forgotten on the balcony railing, and Herman takes it gratefully, gulping it all down to soothe the stinging in his throat. He sets the empty bottle to the side, wiping his mouth.
"So, what'd you think?" Robert asks with a smile.
Logically, Herman knows there's no way he'd be able to feel anything yet. But even so, there's a strange, floaty sensation winding its way around his head, one he's sure he hadn't felt before. Maybe it's just all the beers catching up to him.
"Uh," he says intelligently.
Robert chuckles at that, eyes crinkling up on the sides. He's got such a nice laugh, low and gentle. "If it wasn't enough, we can try it again."
Herman thinks about it. Thinks about warm smoke and Robert's face right beside his own, his lips so close to where Herman's always wanted them. So close, but just out of reach.
And look, Herman's not an idiot. He's had a stupid little hero crush on Mecha Man long before he became Robert, and it's no surprise that working with him hasn't really helped things. He'd worked hard to keep those… feelings under control, but— but —
Robert brings the blunt to his lips, like he's getting ready for a second round, and Herman's moving before he even realizes it. Gloved hands fist into Robert's collar and drag him upwards, knocking the joint to the floor.
It's the last thing Herman sees before he smashes their lips together.
The kiss, if you could even call it that, is a mess, their teeth clacking uncomfortably against each other. Robert's mouth is slack with shock, and it only takes a few seconds before Herman comes to his senses, rearing his head back like he's been burned.
"Oh my god, I-I'm so sorry!" Herman squeaks. "I don't— I don't know what got into me, I was just—"
"Herm," Robert tries.
"I'm so sorry, that was so inappropriate!" Herman panics. "God, please don't fire me, I'll— I'll do anything, I'm—"
"Herm!" Robert says, louder this time. "It's okay, I'm not mad."
That gets Herman's attention. "Y-You're not? Really?"
"I promise," Robert assures him. Then, "Mind putting me down now?"
"Oh!"
Herman hadn't realized it, but he'd lifted Robert a few inches off the ground when he'd grabbed him. He sets him down quickly, smoothing down the parts of his shirt that he'd wrinkled with his grip. All that does is get Robert's shirt kind of wet, though, so he gives up after a few tries.
"Jesus, you're stronger than you look, huh?" Robert says. He sounds a little breathless, but Herman might be imagining that.
"Th— Thanks?"
Herman fidgets nervously, avoiding Robert's gaze. Even if he's not mad at him, Herman figures he's probably just thinking up a way to let him down gently. Robert's nice like that. It's one of Herman's favorite things about him.
"Was that your first kiss?"
Herman nearly jumps out of his skin. "What?"
Robert leans back against the railing, smirking ever so slightly. "You heard me."
"No, I— well—" Herman tries to deny it, but then he sighs, hanging his head. "Is it that obvious?"
"Well… maybe."
Herman slumps over, embarrassment flooding his body. God, of course it's obvious! Why would he think otherwise?
Robert hums. "If you want, I can give you a few pointers."
Herman must not be hearing that right. "Pointers on… on kissing?"
A hand flashes out and grabs Herman by the collar, pulling him forward, and Herman yelps as he stumbles into Robert's warm body. Robert's other hand reaches up to cup Herman's cheek, a mirror of what he'd done only a few minutes before.
"Come on, Herm," Robert murmurs. "What do you say?"
Herman swallows hard. "O… Okay."
There's another smile from Robert. "Good."
A hand slides into Herman's hair, tugging him down a little lower. Herman's own hands twitch at his sides, unsure of where to go. Robert notices it, of course, and guides one of Herman's palms onto his own face.
"Ready?"
All Herman can do is nod, his eyes fluttering shut all on their own.
This time, when their lips touch, it's… soft. Herman's mouth falls opens easily under Robert's touch, warm and pliant. He tastes like smoke and lukewarm beer, and Herman melts into the sweet feeling. But as slow as it starts, it doesn't take long for Robert to tilt his head up, sliding a hot, teasing tongue into Herman's mouth. A high whine escapes out of the back of Herman's throat, and he fists his hands into the front of Robert's shirt again, yanking him in even closer. He wants more.
It's — messy, and hot, and wet. All things Herman has had a lot of experience with, but it's never been—
Robert kisses him deeper, and Herman moans, hips rutting thoughtlessly against Robert's hip.
"Sh-Shit, sorry!" Herman gets out, but Robert just grins.
"Eager, aren't you?" he says, syrupy and low.
Herman whimpers. "I'm — I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"
Robert's hand presses down onto the crotch of Herman's suit, and Herman chokes out a gasp.
"R-Robert!"
"Wow, this hard already?" Robert teases. "Guess I should help you out, huh?"
Herman shudders. "I— but— anyone could see us!" he argues, even as his hips twitch forward into Robert's touch.
"So?" Robert's other hand trails up Herman's chest, toying with his suit's zipper. "Let them watch."
Herman lets out a strangled noise, hands tightening in Robert's shirt.
"Oh," Robert says slowly, a dangerous look in his eye. "You liked that."
Herman flushes bright red. "N-No, I didn't!"
Robert grabs the zipper of the suit and slides it down, skimming his fingers over Herman's bare chest. "No? You don't want everyone to see how good you are for me?"
Herman can't help the moan that spills out of his mouth at that, his dick twitching under Robert's hand.
"That's what I thought," Robert says, satisfied. He wastes no time fully unzipping the suit, eyes raking down Herman's body. "Christ, you go commando in this thing? All the time?"
Herman squirms under Robert's heavy gaze, fighting the urge to cover his crotch with his hands. "It's — I have to, if I wore underwear it would, you know —"
"Get wet," Robert finishes for him. He laughs, shaking his head. "Jesus, Herm, you're gonna kill me."
Before Herman can ask him what he means by that, Robert pulls Herman's dick out of the suit, wrapping a warm palm around the length of it. Herman jerks at the sudden touch, grabbing hold of the railing behind Robert just before he loses his balance.
"So wet already," Robert says, eyes dark. He fists Herman's dick, spreading the leaking precum over the already wet skin. Herman groans, squeezing his eyes shut.
Robert sets a quick, brutal pace with his hand, but it's good, all slick pressure and rough friction from Robert's calloused palm. Pumping bass music vibrates out from the other side of the balcony door, but Herman can't be bothered to care about anything other than the hot line of Robert's body pressed up against his. Somehow, his face ends up nestled into the crook of Robert's neck, and he mindlessly mouths at the warm skin peeking out from under Robert's collar.
Robert's hand makes a deft twist around the head of Herman's cock, and Herman lets out a high whine.
"God, just look at you," Robert pants. "So pretty."
"Robert," Herman whimpers.
"It's okay, I got you," Robert soothes. His other hand slides into Herman's hair. "I got you, baby."
It doesn't take much more than a few firm strokes before Herman's orgasm hits him like a truck, gasping as he comes all over Robert's hand. Things go a little fuzzy after that, Herman leaning into Robert's hold as he catches his breath.
"You good, Herm?" Robert asks. A gentle hand cards through Herman's hair, and he lets out a soft sigh.
"Y-Yeah," Herman says. He pulls away quickly, busying himself with zipping his suit back up. Suddenly, he can't bring himself to meet Robert's gaze again.
Robert looks down at his hand, covered in… in Herman's cum, and makes to wipe it off on the balcony railing.
"W-Wait!" Herman says before he can think better of it.
He summons water up from the back of his throat and coughs it out onto Robert's hand. The stream of water washes away the worst of it over the side of the balcony.
Robert blinks down at his hand. "Oh. Um. Thanks…?"
"S-Sorry," Herman mumbles. "Was that weird?"
Robert looks down at his hand, then back up at Herman, biting his lip like he's trying to hold back a laugh.
"Maybe a little," he concedes. "But it's okay. I like weird."
That pulls Herman up short. "Y-You do?"
"Wouldn't have jerked you off if I didn't," Robert says, wry.
Herman lets out an embarrassing squeak. "Don't— Don't say it like that!"
Robert chuckles lightly, and Herman looks away in an attempt to hide his flushing face. But as he does, he catches sight of Robert's pants, straining at the zipper.
"Wait —" Herman says in horror, the realization dawning. "Oh my god, I didn't — do you want me to— I can get you back!"
"What?" Robert says, then glances down. "Oh, it's fine, don't worry about it."
"But —"
"Save it for next time," Robert says with a smile.
Herman's eyes widen. "N-Next time?"
Before Robert can reply, the sound of shattering glass cuts the loud music from inside the apartment. The two of them jump at the noise, swiveling around to look for the source.
"... Waterboy?" Golem's muffled voice calls out from somewhere inside the apartment, a little sheepish. "Where are you? I need help some help."
"You better get back in there, kid," Robert says, patting his back.
"R-Right!" Herman checks to make sure his suit doesn't look too rumpled, then steps back inside the apartment.
He spends the next few minutes helping Golem clean up the mess of beers he'd accidentally knocked off the kitchen table. But as he's picking up the shards of glass, he can't help but think of Robert's words.
Next time.