Work Text:
Ilya woke up to being the talk of the town again, it felt like a constant echo changer of “who can suck Rozanov's dick more.” It was irritating now, Shane woke him up at 10AM; their routine, Rozanov steps on the cold hard wood floor sliding into the white house slippers Shane has them wear around the house. Stepping out of his bedroom following his husband who is dressed and has his blender making a loud grating noise. Anya, the small Australian Shepherd, jumping up and down, tongue wagging, out at Ilya. Ilya is trapped in thought about how domesticated he is, how happy he is, and how he could never picture a world more beautiful. Kisses the orthodox cross, something he does when he is grateful. Shane turns to him snapping him out of his thoughts of gratefulness.
“This week's social media debrief is about you again,”
Ilya rolled his eyes, ‘seriously? was the first thought to pop into his head raising his eyebrows. To tell his husband to continue, he wondered what it was this time. ‘Overstepping his husband's boundaries? Queer baiting? Promoting Russia by being Russian- that one was the most confusing? Sleeping with Jackie Pike? Fucking Yuna Hollander? Sleeping with David Hollander? Having a mutt dog? Promoting unhealthy body image by being hot? Or his favorite Queer Baiting?’ Shane chuckled “You're too cocky, boisterous, prideful, presumptuous, high and mighty.” Ilya let out a groan as his husband walked up to him slowly grabbing his waist, hands warm on his cold skin, grazing a mole on his hip.
“Am I?” Ilya murmured leaning into his husband's face, “You are-” Ilya pressed a quick chaste kiss. “You’ve earned it” Shane said deepening the kiss and Ilya deepening it, whimpering into his mouth as Shane pulled away. “You're just too good” Ilya and Shane often got off on how talented they were. Quickly distracted by the buzzing of their phones, ‘Ottawas SINNERS’ a text from Lapointe
OTTAWAS SINNERS
Lapointe: “Rozy are you gonna ignore this or respond?”
Ilya and Shane rolled their eyes, they begged the rookies to stay off social media for as long as they can but they were on top of everything.
Rozy: “Idk ask my husband”
Shane hit the man in front of him in the chest. As he began to type to defend his husband's sovereignty.
Hollzy: “he can do whatever he want”
Bood: “Good morning”
Bood: “What's going on?”
Haas: “Twitter.com///userhuntersbottom//6383920182830303020”
Why is #he so cocky…
Barrett: “Harris says don't do anything drastic”
Dick-stra: “he just encouraged him to do something”
5 laughing emojis come in, it was a shock majority of the team was up at this very moment. Ilya only ran two social media platforms, Twitter & Insta the other ones such as Snapchat, Facebook, and Tiktok was his management. They either dated him or were simply too young for him. Ilya could do something, but Shane had walked away by now having to go to his parents as his father had some relatives in town. Ilya sat down on the couch man spreading, and thought of the funniest thing ever. Scrolling through the thread Luca sent, playing with his bush. Stumbled upon a comment,
@LOSANOVENDER
Okay, but Losanov is such a weirdHO off the ice. Parties, drinking, and idk why people keep him around.
The tweet had 150 likes, if it weren't for lexapro and the fact that his husband's saliva was fresh on his lips this would hurt his feelings, he screenshots it with quickness. Chuckling — no way someone thought this, with all their bones and lips. Their pants had to be on fire, this discourse was everywhere on fuck ass podcast, Insta reels, getting tagged. Rozanov had to say something, so he made an Insta post the cover was the tweet. The song in the background is ‘Ego by Beyoncé’ the first picture in response was the Pike kids holding a large white sign “ROZANOV #1”, with smiles with missing teeth. The poor penmanship was clearly written by the kids.
The second photo had Shane knocked out, he on Ilyas bare chest while he was shirtless. Screenshot of Ilyas CFS the text on the image saying #putemtosleep. The third image is a photo of Holmberg's phone in the rookie group chat talking about how they can't believe they're playing with Rozanov. The fourth, image shows two drag queens standing next to Ilya; Trixie and Kath met him at a bar star-struck. The fifth is a photo of Ilya at 12 #1 Junior Hockey player in the entirety of Russia, The sixth is of him with the number two place in the MLH but a red circle around Shane's name and the text says #1 SHANE “HOLLSY” HOLLANDER-ROZANOv, The seventh is a photo of him and three old Russian women in a grocery store, the eighth was just a mirror selfie is his large home gym that many couldn't dream of affording.
Ilya sat there caption ideas bouncing in his head but he settled on “Lol. 👎” When someone swipes they'll just see how loved Ilya is with the lyrics in the back.
It's too big (big)
It's too wide (wide)
It's too strong (strong)
It won't fit (fit)
It's too much (much)
It's too tough (tough)
He talks like this 'cause he can back it up
He got a big ego
Such a huge ego
I love his big ego
It's too much
He walks like this 'cause he can back it up
It went viral so quickly that he couldn't even understand, 50K likes in 4 minutes comments making his Instagram crash.