Chapter Text
Eijirou looked at his watch again and sighed, wrapping his coat more snugly around himself to ward off the chill of the mid-October air. I should’ve brought a scarf, he thought while suppressing a shiver.
He’d been waiting for Naoe for more than an hour. He knew that standing in front of the restaurant was useless now – they’d lost their reservation, which he’d had to make a month in advance because of how in demand this restaurant was, so there really was no chance that they’d find another table here. Or anywhere, actually, since it was now past nine on a weeknight and most kitchens were already closed.
He took his phone out of his coat pocket. He had a few texts from his family and friends wishing him a happy birthday, but still no reply from Naoe. He opened their text thread and read through the last messages.
Eijirou
i’m here! i’ll wait for you outside, text me when you park ❤️
✓ delivered at 7:45 pm
are you still looking for parking?
✓ delivered at 7:54 pm
babe we’re gonna be late, where are you?
✓ delivered at 7:58 pm
i went in and asked them to keep the table for us, idk how long we have though
✓ delivered at 8:06 pm
naoe where are you? please call me back
✓ delivered at 8:15 pm
we’ve lost the table
there’s a nice izakaya nearby though
should we meet there?
✓ delivered at 8:32 pm
Naoe hadn’t even read the texts, so sending another one would probably be fruitless, but Eijirou wasn’t about to go home without telling his boyfriend he was leaving. What if he got to the restaurant and Eijirou wasn’t there?
He decided one last message wouldn’t hurt.
Eijirou
i’m going home. you can meet me there if you want
✓ delivered at 9:11 pm
Eijirou sighed again, then started walking towards the nearest station.
He hadn’t taken his motorbike tonight because he thought he’d drink some wine to celebrate turning twenty-four. Plus, Naoe was going to drive to the restaurant after work, and they were supposed to go to Eijirou’s place together after dinner, so there wasn’t a good reason for them to take two separate vehicles – think about the environment, people.
Except now, Eijirou was really regretting his past self’s choices as he waited for the train that would get him home – or, as close as it could, which meant he was in for an additional fifteen-minute walk when he got off. Maybe he should’ve checked how far his place would be from public transport when he moved, but he rarely needed to take it, so the thought hadn’t really crossed his mind back then.
It was fine. He loved walking! His salary allowed him to live in a nice area of the city, so he would be okay walking home alone. Also, he was Red Riot, the Sturdy Hero – it wasn’t like villains would be dumb enough to attack him. Not if they looked at him and realized who he was, at least.
When he got off the train, half an hour later, he tried to enjoy his walk. He really did. He looked around at the people on the streets, greeting the ones he knew and coming up with quick stories for the ones he didn’t, as he liked to do – his heart wasn’t really in it, though.
He’d left it somewhere between a sidewalk and unanswered text messages, across from half-hearted conversations, right next to endless nights spent alone.
He sighed in relief when he finally entered his complex, a modern new building that had attracted his best friend as soon as he’d seen the plans for it outside the construction site. It had taken him very little to get Eijirou to agree on getting two apartments near each other. He had developed mean puppy-dog eyes that could rival Eijirou’s own after all the years they’d been friends, and the redhead had yet to learn how to say no when he pulled those out. Not that he ever really wanted to, anyway.
He greeted the doorman with a smile. “Good evening.”
“Good evening, Kirishima-san. Happy birthday.”
Eijirou felt his heart sink to his feet, but managed to keep his smile from following it. “Thank you!”
He hurried to the elevator and pressed the button, hoping it would arrive quickly.
He slumped against the wall when the doors closed behind him and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He could barely recognize himself – he looked tired, cold, and very much sad. He despised the man looking back at him.
It was his birthday! He was twenty-four now! He should be out celebrating, making a fool of himself in front of friends and strangers alike, not sulking in the hallway of his apartment building at ten o’clock.
He almost dropped his keys because of how cold his fingers were, but he managed to open his front door in the end.
His hopes of going unnoticed by his neighbor went up in smoke, as a foot jammed itself between his door and its frame right before it could close.
“Back home already?”
Eijirou’s body didn’t know how to react. On one hand, he wasn’t really in the mood to explain why he was home when he was supposed to be at dinner. On the other hand, though, he felt his heart start beating again at the sight of his best friend.
“Naoe got caught up,” he said curtly. “Didn’t make it to the restaurant on time.”
Katsuki hummed. “And where is he now?”
Eijirou’s shoulders tensed. “Uh– he’s probably on his way here.”
The blond closed the door behind him and walked into Eijirou’s kitchen like he owned it. Which, he didn’t. Eijirou was the owner.
That wouldn’t stop Bakugou Katsuki, though. He always walked into places with so much confidence, you’d think he’d been given the keys to the city with a big red bow and a thank you.
“Well, how about I cook you something while we wait for him?” he was saying now. He’d posed it like a question, but the pans and ingredients already scattered on the counter told Eijirou that it wasn’t really up for debate. “I’m making gyudon; go get something comfortable on.”
Eijirou looked at his best friend, at the natural way he moved inside his kitchen, prepared one of his comfort dishes because he knew he was upset even if he hadn’t said anything about it, and his body slumped in defeat and relief at the same time. He felt so lucky, getting Katsuki like this. “Alright. I’ll be back in a minute.”
Katsuki shot him a glance. “Take your time and get a warm shower, while you’re at it. You’re shivering.”
The redhead nodded – the cold really had seeped into his bones, and no matter how warm his apartment was, he was still shaking. Trust Katsuki to pick up on that with just a look, too.
It was his birthday, so he decided to indulge a little in comfort, since his best friend had told him not to rush. He took a long, hot shower, massaging his scalp and getting rid of all the gel in his hair, then wrapped himself in a warmed-up towel and made his way to his bedroom.
There, perfectly folded on his blankets, sat a pair of black sweatpants, a soft red hoodie, and his favorite Crimson Riot t-shirt. He huffed out a strained laugh – Katsuki knew him so well, and for some reason, that notion made his eyes sting.
Naoe hadn’t done something this thoughtful once in the year they’d been dating.
He put on a pair of fluffy socks and finally made his way to the kitchen, clad feet making soft noises on the wood flooring, but he froze in the doorway at the first look around the room.
His table was fully decked out. Two plates, glasses, a bottle of his favorite red wine, even the tablecloth his moms had gifted him when he moved here – everything was bathed in the warm light of the scented candle he rarely lit because Naoe didn’t like the smell of it. That little detail made his heart start beating loudly in his chest, so when he glanced up at Katsuki walking to the table, two plates of perfectly spiced gyudon steaming in his hands, he couldn’t keep it in anymore. The tears burst out of him with a sob he tried to stifle, but that ultimately made it out of his throat painfully.
“Ei,” came the panicked voice of his best friend.
Eijirou heard the muted noise of ceramic being placed on fabric, but everything felt far away – he’d screwed his eyes shut, his shoulders shaking wildly while his chest contracted around silent sobs, and he couldn’t bring himself to stop. When Katsuki’s arms came around him, he just started hiccupping more, clinging to his best friend like he was the only solid thing in the world.
“Fuck,” the blond said, voice strained, “I’m gonna fucking kill that asshole. What the fuck is his problem, bailing on you, on your damn birthday?”
“Please,” Eijirou said between soul-shaking sobs, “don’t. He– he was just late, he–”
“Eijirou, stop making up excuses for him. It’s not the first time he’s done something like this; he doesn’t deserve your grace.”
“That’s not– he just– It’s my fault, really. I shouldn’t have expected so much; it’s a weekday, and he has been working late–”
“Oi,” Katsuki interrupted gruffly, the gentle way he took Eijirou’s face in his hands a damning contrast to his tone, “stop that.”
Eijirou was powerless in his hands. Their eyes met, red on red, and he shivered at the intensity in Katsuki’s gaze. He tried to speak, but his friend shook Eijirou’s head softly, somehow pulling a half-hearted, amused huff from his lips. “He didn’t show up, even though I know you’ve reminded him every day for at least two weeks. That’s a shitty fucking move, Ei, and the fact that he’s your boyfriend makes it even more neglectful.”
“Um.” Eijirou shook his head a little, but Katsuki’s firm grip didn’t let him move much. “He– look, it’s not a big deal, I’m just being dramatic.”
“No, you’re not. You’ve never been dramatic a day in your life.”
Eijirou pouted. “I so have. Remember when the heating system broke in our dorms and I clung to you all night because you run warmer than me? It was fixed in two hours, top.”
“Of course, I remember.” Katsuki frowned at him. “Don’t change the subject.”
Eijirou hadn’t noticed them moving, too lost in his own churning thoughts and Katsuki’s determined eyes to take note of anything else around them, so it took him a bit by surprise when he found himself in his living room. When Katsuki sat on the sofa, he actually whined from the loss of contact–God, how pathetic–but it wasn’t for long. His best friend guided him to sit so close to him that Eijirou was basically in his lap.
They’d been best friends for eight years, and they’d become even closer after the war ended, but something Naoe always repeated made its way into his brain and out of his mouth. “We’re too close.”
Katsuki frowned. “What?”
“Naoe says,” Eijirou gulped, his heart beating wildly, “he’s always going on about how we–you and I–are too close.”
“We’ve been close since we were dumb sixteen-year-olds.”
“I know, but– this?” He gestured at their position, with Katsuki’s arms tightly wound around Eijirou, the redhead now actually sitting in his lap, when had that happened– “He doesn’t like this, says it makes him uncomfortable.”
“Does it make you uncomfortable?” Katsuki asked, all seriousness in his voice.
“No,” Eijirou’s heart almost jumped out of his chest at that idea, “of course not!”
“Well, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable either. This is about the two of us, about what brings us comfort; if he doesn’t like it, he can look away.”
The redhead tried to gather his thoughts. It was hard, though – he was tired, and hungry, and even just thinking about this made his skin crawl. “It’s just. I know I’m very casually touchy, I like contact, but this? I don’t do this with anyone but you, not because I don’t want to–I do! But… Fuck, I’ve tried cuddling with Naoe so many times, but he’s not big on physical touch, so we either sit next to each other or lie on different sides of the sofa and tangle our legs, but that’s it. We don’t do this.”
“His fucking loss, then.” Katsuki was getting more frustrated, and Eijirou could see it in the wrinkle between his eyes. “I’m not the biggest fucking fan of physical contact either, but it’s different with you. I would never deny you this comfort, because I know you love it and it soothes you.”
Alarm bells rang in Eijirou’s head, loud and shrill and so tinny the imaginary noise almost made him nauseous. “Are you– Am I too clingy?” His voice came out as a whisper. Now that he’d thought about it, he couldn’t think about anything else.
“What the fuck are you going on about? You know I don’t put up with things or people I don’t like.”
“You said it’s different with me, though.”
“Because you’re my best friend, you idiot, not because you force me to cuddle you!”
Oh. Eijirou shuddered, and new tears sprang to his eyes. He was wound too tightly – the whole day, he’d been looking forward to enjoying a nice romantic dinner with his boyfriend, to celebrate his birthday with him, to go home and relax with him. Instead, what he got was cold air seeping into his soul as he waited for someone who’d never show up.
Who never had, and never would.
“Katsuki,” he said, his heart shattering in his chest, “What is wrong with me?”
Katsuki stiffened, his arms immediately tightening around Eijirou. “The fuck are you talking about?”
“He,” Eijirou paused, searched for the right words, “Naoe has said it before, that I’m too loud, too busy, too much.”
Katsuki was quiet. His words rang loud in the silence, echoing off the walls full of pictures of people Eijirou loved, people who loved Eijirou in return.
His heart gave a pitiful tug when he realized that not one of them had Naoe in it. He’d tried to get his boyfriend to take some photos, but he always said he didn’t like them, except for one that Naoe had posted on his social media.
“No,” Katsuki spoke at last, “you’re not any of that. Oh, I’m so gonna kill that bastard for making you feel like this.”
Eijirou’s body moved with the big breath his best friend took – air filling his lungs to the brim, then leaving them in a loud exhale that moved his red hair from his face.
The thought that he should tie it up crossed his mind, but he didn’t have any strength left in him to move.
“Eijirou,” Katsuki said, voice and posture determined, “you’re amazing. You’re funny; you make me laugh the most out of all of our idiot friends, and they all do fucking dumbly hilarious stuff. You’re always smiling, even when life sucks, and work is awful. You’re the most loyal person out there. And,” one of his hands took one of Eijirou’s, “you’re not too much. Yes, you can be loud, and you have busy days sometimes, but you always make time for everyone, even when you’re tired and the only thing you really want to do is get into bed and not move until next month.”
Katsuki had learned to be softer after the war, especially with their group of friends, so it didn’t surprise him when his free hand came up to clear away Eijirou’s tears. He was crying silently, now – all his strength had seeped out of his body, leaving him too bone-tired to make much noise at all. He shuddered at the gentle touch, then talked in a whisper, his voice broken. “Then why isn’t he here?”
Katsuki sighed. “I don’t know, Ei. I’m not in his head, but I know this: he’s an asshole, and he’s been treating you like shit for months now.”
“He’s been stressed.”
“I don’t care,” the blond snapped, “he’s still a piece of shit that doesn’t deserve you, much less your love.”
Eijirou’s breath caught in his throat.
He’d known, deep down, that Naoe didn’t love him the same way Eijirou loved him. That wasn’t his fault – Eijirou loved with all of his being, and it had always been like that, even with the two boyfriends he’d had before Naoe. Those relationships hadn’t been as long, nor had they ended well, but he really wanted this one to work out.
He didn’t know how many more failed relationships his heart could go through before finally giving up.
“I do, though. Love him, that is.” Eijirou cuddled closer to Katsuki. His best friend reached a hand to the fluffy blanket on the back of the sofa and covered them both. “Or I did, maybe. I haven’t felt the same in a while, but I thought that if I worked really hard on our relationship, we could go back to how it was in the beginning.”
“People fall out of love, Ei,” Katsuki’s voice was gruff, but gentle. “It’s not your fault. It wouldn’t be his either, if only he’d told you instead of treating you like crap. Seriously, who the fuck stands their boyfriend up on his birthday?”
Eijirou shrugged, too drained to argue anymore. They stayed silent for a while, then Katsuki huffed a laugh when the redhead’s stomach grumbled. “Hungry?”
“Famished,” he replied. “Sorry I made you wait to eat.”
“It’s fine, Red.”
Eijirou stood up first, stumbling a little – he’d worked the morning shift, which added to the hours spent outside to go to, stand in front of, and come back from the restaurant, really had taken a toll on his body.
He didn’t even have the day off tomorrow, damnit.
He sighed when he sat at the table, Katsuki already back in the kitchen to reheat their dinner, and Eijirou took a moment to think to himself.
He’d loved Naoe, he knew he had. Those first few months had been amazing – nice dates, thoughtful gifts, a lot of time spent together just laughing and enjoying each other’s company. He couldn’t really pinpoint when everything had changed; he just knew it had, and now he was left at a crossroads: keep going and hope without hope that their relationship could be saved, or break it off and get his heart broken for the third time in five years.
The plate being placed in front of him startled him back to the present.
He watched silently as Katsuki put his own plate down, then smoothly opened the bottle of wine before Eijirou could protest. “I work tomorrow morning.”
“What, have you suddenly become a lightweight?” Katsuki teased with a smirk. The tension still lingering in the air immediately loosened at the return of that cocky smile. “I saw you drink three margaritas and not even stumble over your words once, and that was less than two weeks ago. I think you’ll be fine with a couple of glasses of wine, you fucking giant.”
Eijirou’s heart felt so much lighter when a laugh made its way out of his own mouth. “What about you, though?”
“Are you calling me a damn lightweight?”
The redhead hummed. “Maybe.”
“How dare you, you fucking–”
The wine was temporarily forgotten as they playfought a little, both of them obviously trying to rein in their laughter without much success. They separated soon enough, though – they’d already reheated the food once, and it would just become soggy if they had to do it a second time.
They clinked their glasses, Katsuki smirking over his, ready to take a sip. “Happy birthday, Ei”.
Dinner passed easily between recounts of their day and playful banter. Eijirou didn’t have to choose his words carefully around Katsuki, and he was grateful for it, especially when he was so exhausted. He liked how effortless spending time with his best friend was.
When the table was cleared, they sat back on the sofa, each with their last glass of wine. The food had been amazing, the company even better, but Eijirou couldn’t stop thinking about their earlier conversation, a question spilling from his lips. “Has it really been that bad, even from the outside?”
He didn’t have to clarify what he was talking about. Katsuki always knew. “Yeah. Everyone’s noticed; they were just hoping you’d realize on your own.”
“And you? Why did you decide to talk to me about it now?”
Katsuki paused. Eijirou could see the cogs spinning inside his mind, even hidden under all his unruly blond hair. It looked especially fluffy tonight. “Because you’re my best friend, and I know you deserve so much better than half-hearted dates and the loveless relationship you’ve been trying to make work all by yourself.”
That hit him like a punch to the gut. Eijirou had known, really, that Naoe wasn’t good for him, not anymore – however, having it said so plainly, so openly, by someone who wasn’t part of the relationship, kind of really fucking hurt.
He brought his glass to his lips and took the last sip, the rich flavor barely registering in the midst of his churning thoughts. “Oh.”
Katsuki took both glasses and placed them on the coffee table in front of the sofa. “Ei, you should really think about this. I know the others have some things to say about how you’ve been treated lately, too, and you should listen to them when you can. The bottom line is, it’s your choice. Just–” he groaned, evidently trying his best to find the right words, “be careful with your heart.”
Eijirou sighed, his shoulders slumping, but he nodded.
Yeah, he thought, I should really take care of it more.