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You were seated at one of the low tables with your siblings and a couple of other clan members you knew, blowing into your cup of tea. You gazed at the sea of people that had come together for yet another clan gathering between your own, the Zenins, and Kamo.
They had been pushing these clan gatherings more often. This one had to be maybe the fifth of the year so far. Something about ‘unity,’ your parents had been saying. Whatever, not like you cared. Your parents made you and your siblings attend, so you did.
You felt a nudge in your side, and you turned to see your sister elbowing you, a sly look on her face.
“Did you see him yet?” She asked with a guileful grin spread across her face.
You rolled your eyes at her impertinent question. Ever since the frequency of these gatherings had picked up, it meant you had been seeing one person in particular more often. Jinichi Zenin. He’d been around since you and all your siblings were kids, him and Toji, before he left the clan.
He had a few years on you, meaning you two never really hung out much growing up. Only the occasional tease or bicker. He was closer to your big brother if anything. But as you two grew older, you began to notice certain things. Lingering glances across the room, sitting nearer to you at the grand table during dinners, him “accidentally” brushing your shoulder as you pass each other in the hallway.
You thought nothing of it, figuring these instances were merely chance. He wouldn’t deliberately be choosing to sit across from you, right? The fact that you kept making eye contact with him across the room was just an accident - all of them. And surely his shoulder kept brushing your own just because he was a burly man. That’s all there was to it.
But your sister thought otherwise, and sometimes you regretted even telling her because of how embarrassed you got when she pointed things out.
“No. I haven’t.” You replied tersely, avoiding eye contact with her. “Just forget it, please? You always bring him up when it’s literally pointless to do so.”
“Because you need to stop acting like it’s nothing!” Your sister quipped with a scrunch of her nose. “He clearly likes you. I’ve seen it with my own two eyes!”
You regarded her words for a moment, heeding them through. Even if he did like you, you didn’t have much hope it’d go anywhere. From what you’ve seen and heard so far, Zenin men weren’t the most promising. The last thing you’d want is to end up with a man like Naoya. God, that sounded hellish.
But Jinichi seemed different, or at least that’s how it appeared. He was quiet when the men around him were boisterous. Calm when others were raucous. You never really saw him drink, and when he did, he always knew his limits. He never became obnoxious like the many others you had observed.
Though you knew you couldn’t put anything past him. He was a Zenin man, after all. However, he did seem a little more deserving of grace than his clansmen.
Just as you were in the midst of your thoughts, your thoughts were broken as Jinichi himself padded over to the low table, taking the empty seat directly across from you. He greeted everyone, easily falling into conversation with his kin. Though you knew just what your sister was thinking when she pinched your arm beneath the table.
When taking a seat at the table, he’d always sit covertly close to you. Perhaps the seat diagonal, or one person down. This is what allowed you to be firm in your belief that it was all a coincidence. But lately, he’d been taking his seats directly across from you, even right next to you once at the last gathering.
Was he getting bolder in his advances? Trying to be more straightforward about things like your sister was insisting? No, no way. Everything was just a coincidence. Although true to your sister's beliefs, you and Jinichi made eye contact several times while seated at the low table. It was easier for it to occur with him sitting directly across from you - at least, that was what you told yourself.
You always had a thing for rugged-looking men like Jinichi. You don’t know what it was, maybe the scruff along his jaw, or the thick eyebrows. Possibly the extreme musculature of his form that often had your eye wandering shamelessly. Whatever it was, you were attracted to Jinichi Zenin, undoubtedly.
You tried your best to avoid his eye, not wanting to come off as rude. But it was proving to become more and more difficult as the low timbre of his voice filled your ear. You couldn’t keep your eyes away from the sight of his corded forearms peeking through the sleeves of his yukata. Or the way in which he dramatically dwarfed the people around him. Hell, you were even attracted to the scar on his forehead.
All of this trying not to look at Jinichi was proving to be too much, so you got your sister and the two of you left. Of course, Jinichi’s eyes tracked your movements like a hawk.
✳✳✳
Jinichi sat rigidly at the table, ostensibly in conversation with the people around him. He had really come here to get a better look at you. You were wearing a different colour kimono than usual, and he wanted to see it up close. Gosh, you were so pretty. He had always wished you two were closer, but he never knew how to go about it without making a fool of himself.
Would you even like a brute like him? Practically everyone his entire life had labelled him as a kind of barbarian. Maybe it was because of his looks, maybe because of his clan. Maybe because of both, he had no clue. But either way, he was taught from a very young age how he was supposed to act with women; how they were apparently supposed to act with him. He didn’t subscribe to any of that. It was vacuous, first off, and also entirely energy-consuming.
He knew how he was supposed to act in public to appease his elders, the inhumane, oppressive beast he was trained to be his whole life. The occasional punch to the wall when someone said something that sounded like it was meant to aggravate him, the aloofness he had to maintain when he listened to his uncle go on yet another drunken rant about how women are beneath men.
It wasn’t who he was deep down, though. Not on the inside.
His little cousin, Naoya, had seemingly taken these heedings fully to the heart, adopting a raging misogynistic personality. The thought of it made him shudder. Ugh, he had to get out of this clan. And take you with him. Would you even want him, though? These doubts always managed to creep through his mind, tiptoeing through his thoughts and attacking his deepest desires until they were nothing but distant feelings.
He didn’t realize he had been staring at your hand holding your teacup until you set it down, standing to leave with your sister. He pouted slightly, watching you go. Goodness, that kimono really did look amazing on you. The deep emerald truly complimented your undertones perfectly, your eyes–
“Are you staring at my sister?”
His eyes snapped over to your brother, Jiro, who was sitting next to him, one eyebrow raised in suspicion. He was caught.
“Uh- no. Well… not like that-” He stammered, trying to come up with a viable reason for being busted red-handed.
But Jiro just smiled knowingly, patting him on the shoulder.
“How long have you liked her, Jinichi? It feels like, as far as I can remember, since we were little, you were always different towards her.”
It took a moment for him to respond. In truth, he was trying to figure it out himself. How far did his feelings go back for you? Jiro was right. Jinichi had always been different towards you, because he had liked you from back then. Since you were the snotty-nosed kid he used to chase around the gardens, he always had a soft spot for you.
“Since we were small, I guess. Don’t know the exact age or anything. I just always found her… interesting.” He murmured hesitantly, glancing at Jiro from the corner of his eye. This was too vulnerable for his liking. He had never spoken of his feelings for you aloud, let alone to your brother.
“Why haven’t you said anything to her yet? You know how the clans are. If she doesn’t find a partner of her own soon, she’ll be married off to someone else.” Jiro paused for a moment, thinking, taking a sip of his tea. “I think you two would make a good couple! You should go for it.”
Jiro was beaming, seemingly elated at the prospect of you and Jinichi being together. Meanwhile, Jinichi was sitting there dumbfounded, jaw slack as he tried to make sense of this revelation. This was your brother. He knew you and your siblings were close; therefore, your brother likely knew of your preferences and whatnot. Did this mean he had a chance? Would you actually like him?
“She- would she like a guy like me?”
“Yeah! Why not! You have a beard, she likes those… I think. Just talk to her! We’re all close, anyway. Not like it’s weird.” Jiro shrugged, glancing back down at his tea like this was the most normal thing in the world.
But Jinichi, on the other hand, was internally panicking. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, the tips of them warm. If this was what Jiro was saying, he didn’t want to waste any more time. He stood from the low table without a word to Jiro or anyone else, low eyes immediately seeking you out.