Chapter Text
Alec Kim could barely grasp the remaining strand of his patience from all the noise coming from his neighbor. Tangina, dalawang oras na ‘yan, he thinks as he stares at his cream-colored wall. Nagpapasalamat na lang siguro siya na kahit papaano, makapal ang semento at tanging langitngit lang ng kama ang nambibingi sa kanya. Mabuti na rin siguro tahimik ‘yung kalaguyo ngayon – kasi kung may kasama pa sigurong ibang karumaldumal na ungol, baka hindi na siya nakapagpigil at hindi nag-atubiling kumatok sa kabilang unit at manigaw na lang na kung pwede – kung pwede ba, Diyos niyang mahabagin – magpatulog naman sila.
He wasn’t against any of the sexual proclivities from his neighbor. Kung gusto nila, gew! Buhay nila ‘yan eh.
Pero ang kanya lang naman – ang natatanging hiling lang naman ng isang Alec Kim, ng isang sleep-deprived, underfucked, underkissed, underloved, at honestly going through it Alec Kim, ay makiramdam naman sana sila.
Alec wasn’t particularly acquainted with his neighbor. He’s only seen him thrice within the first year since he moved to the condominium building. The first time was when he moved in — just a quick eye-to-eye moment when he was hauling his stuff inside his door. Alec remembers seeing him wearing a blue jersey shorts and a black top carrying a Jollibee paper bag. The neighbor only gave him a nod.
Alec had his arms full of boxes then. Sayang, isip niya – he was about to wave – a means to say ‘hi’. Cute eh.
The second time was in the lobby. Kakukuha lang ni Alec ng mga sandamukal na parcel niya dahil nga bagong lipat at may mga essentials pa siyang kinailangan. Pasakay siya ng elevator noon. Chinecheck niya lang naman ang mga waybill ng mga package niya habang naghihintay sa harap ng elevator. Sakto lang na pagbukas ng pinto ay naroon rin ang kapitcondo niya. Mabilisang eye-to-eye contact lang ulit, but at least Alec had acknowledged his neighbor first – nodding, just like how his neighbor did the first time they saw each other. And as much as the neighbor looked confused at first, it seemed to Alec like his neighbor’s memory had caught up to him. He nodded back.
He briefly recalls the stupid jokes his friends have made months before he moved in. “Baka diyan mo na makilala ‘yung magiging boyfriend mo, Lec,” they have said.
And maybe Alec is just a bit too romantic to even think about that as he pressed the button to their floor. Pagpasensiyahan niyo naman na – ganoon yata talaga pag hopeless romantic – a simple glance, a simple nod – medyo may halong kaba na talaga para kay Alec. Plus! Pogi rin naman kasi ang kapitcondo niya. Chinito, matangkad, nakasalamin – sino ba naman siya para hindi mapogian?
Plus, base sa mga chika ng mga ate at kuya sa lobby, his neighbor was a single guy – almost his age – probably a bit younger than him. Alec would be lying if he didn’t find his neighbor at a tiny bit hot – because he was – is – hot, annoyingly so. And if he had a chance, then why not, ‘di ba? Pasok naman ang lalaki sa mga tipo ni Alec.
But alas, people are not perfect. He’s just the same as everyone.
That was when he met the guy the third time.
Wow, he thought as he rode the elevator with said neighbor at 10 in the god damn evening one time. As they stood just meters away from each other, Alec couldn’t help but think about how some dudes in glasses just look good. He also realized as he stood there stealing glances at the ink dancing on the guy’s bicep, he also might have had a thing for tattoos, too.
Sobrang pogi, Alec’s brain had chanted then. Ang pogi lang talaga! He supposed he had a small crush on the guy.
But that wouldn’t last long. Because the moment they reached their floor that night, Alec heard him speak for the first time.
“Alam mo, dinig sa unit ko ‘yung sigaw mo minsan,” he says. “I don’t know why, and I don’t really care, but can you keep it down?”
Maggwapuhan na sana si Alec sa boses ng lalaki kung hindi lang siguro siya nainis nang kaunti. It would’ve been nicer if the guy just asked him nicely – or at least, ease him into it.
Parang suplado ah, Alec thought. But Alec just nodded. He was willing to let it go — tutal, he wasn’t really the confrontation type of guy. And to be honest, he’s kinda intimidated by his neighbor. Hindi niya alam kung dahil ba mukhang masungit ang lalaki, o dahil ba sa mga tattoo nito sa braso, o dahil rin ba halos magkatangkaran lang din sila. Basta, may vibe.
And okay, maybe he was a bit loud.
“Su—“
Before Alec could finish his sentence the hot neighbor just cuts him off. “Good, thanks sweetheart,” he says with a sweet smile painting his face, before shutting his own door. Loudly.
He even gave Alec a wink. A fucking wink.
“What the fuck?” Alec just found himself asking.
And then, a couple weeks later, the sex noises came.
The first time it happened, Alec was unsure of what he was going to do. Gusto niya sanang katukin eh – kaso ewan, nahihiya siya. “It’s just sex noises – it’s not like palagi ‘yan,” he said. So he let it go.
But then, another day came — and so did another voice. And then another — sometimes, the same voice comes back.
“So iba-ibang tao?” ani niya lang nang marinig ang ingay sa kabilang unit. He just shook his head. He should’ve known – pogi eh. And it wasn’t like they were too loud – so learns to live with it. He just turns on his TV or sometimes he puts on his headphones to listen to some music.
But it gets to a point rin, no? Lalo na kung halos linggo-linggong nangyayari at sa tuwing dis-oras pa talaga ng gabi.
Alec doesn’t know how or why it came about, but what he did was play ‘Baby Shark’ on his speakers, point it directly at his neighbor’s wall, and turned the volume up to the max.
Miraculously, the creaking stopped.
So when Alec feels cheeky and vengeful, he does that – nursery rhymes, Willie Revillame’s songs, budots – you name it.
It’s funny everytime the creaking stops.
“‘Kala mo ah,” Alec quips.
Alec sometimes finds himself repeating what his neighbor had said: “Alam mo, dinig sa unit ko ‘yung sigaw mo minsan?” Alec recites in a snotty and snobbish tone. “I don’t know why, and I don’t really care, but can you please keep it down?”
The fucking audacity, is what Alec thought. Coming from someone who regularly hits their walls with his bedframe, fucking someone loudly as if he was a fucking animal in heat? Na para bang siya pa talaga ‘yung mas madalas mag-ingay — which was literally just from his frustrations from watching two ice hockey players go around their feelings or sometimes from a game with Ace — siya pa talaga!
Hello? Ang kapal lang ng mukha? Oo na masagana na sex life mo pero kailangan talagang ipangalandakan?
And so Alec had sworn to never interact with him again. Fuck him, ani niya.
And despite the relentless noises of the girl who was probably having the best orgasm of her life, Alec couldn’t help but groan from tiredness. Gusto niya mang tumayo at ayusin ang uswal niyang gawain, masyado lang siyang pinagod ng araw ng today. He can have his payback next time. He was too tired today to even stand up.
“Ugh,” ungot niya sa kumot niyang gusot-gusot sa daming beses ba naman niyang ikot sa kama. Kuha niya na ‘yung antok niya eh – mga tatlong tupa na lang siguro, tulog na siya. “Bwisit, bwisit!” sambit niya na lang dahil sa inis.
Alec
‘Di ako makatulog
Kingina, nagjujugjugan na naman ‘tong mga to
He presses send without even looking at the contacts.
Aki
Wow
Kawawa ka naman
Kinatok mo?
Alec
Hindi
Alas dose na ayoko na lumabas
Masaksak pa ko
Aki
Napaka-OA, Alec?
Alec
Kasi naman kailangan ba talaga sa madaling araw magkantutan?
Di ba pwedeng hapon na lang ganun o kung wala ako
Ace
HAHAHHAA
Tangina baka may trabaho rin sila tulad natin
Ngayon lang may time
Hahaha iba na naman ba tunog
Alec
Medyo ok tong inuwi, di masyadong maingay. Di katulad nung last week kulang na lang kumanta sa sarap
Buti naman
Bwisit kayo wala na di na talaga ko makakatulog
Andrei
HAHAHAHHA TANGINA MO
At least di ba
Walang ‘Ah, fuck me, baby!’ na kasama tangek
Alec
TALAGANG TINYPE MO TANGINA
Balahura ka
Andrei
HAHHAHAHA
Kung binawian mo e di tapos
Maghahanap ka lang naman ng jowa o fubu
E ikaw naman tong ayaw
Organic encounter ka pa jan
Mauuna pang maging organic yang bulbol mo
Alec
Talagang ginawa mo pang damo tong bulbol ko
BAKIT BA
Bawal bang maging romantic ngayon
Ace
HAHAHAHAH go Lec buhay mo yan
Kaso taena pano ka magkakaroon ng organic encounter
Di ka lumalabas, subsob ka pa sa trabaho
No homo ah, pero gwapings ka naman eh
Ikaw lang talaga yung may ayaw
Andrei
Makinig ka jan kay Ace di ba Bumble master
Mukhang road to forever na sila ni Iah
Alec
Bwisit naghanap lang naman akong karamay, napangaralan pa ko
Aki
Yaan niyo na yan
Organic bulbol
[Aki set Alec’s nickname to Organic Bulbol]
Organic Bulbol
Kuya Aki akala ko pa naman mahal mo ko
Awa na lang sakin
Pero wait
Bumabagal na yung tunog shet finally finally
Ace
TANGINAAA AKI HHAHAHAHAHAH
Jusko Lec hindi ko ba tinitigasan diyan
Organic Bulbol
Tangaks tulad mo ko sa’yo kadiri
Tangina ito na lapit na talaga
Ok tapos na sila
Good night nagreklamo lang talaga ako
Ace
WOW HOY HINDI AKO GANYAN
Aki
Bastos niya ahh
Ace
Dedma bahala kau
Good night, Lec
Kami naman ng bebe ko :P
Ayaw mo ba makisama samin
Ok lang naman kay Iah ng isa pa
Organic Bulbol
TANGINA NAMAN ACE
Ace
HAHAHAHHAAH tangina DI MABIRO
SI IAHBABES KASI SABI ASARIN KA
Taena mo Lec subukan mong pumayag
Aki
TARANTADO KAYONG MAGJOWA HAHAHAHAHA
Andrei
HAHHAHAHAHA TANGINA
MAGBUMBLE KA NA LEC OR GRINDR PAKITAAN MO YAN SI ACE
Aki
Totoo Lec pls lang
Twice the opportunity na nga ayaw mo pa
Organic Bulbol
BWISIT KAYO LABO NIYO
GIOD NIGHT TAPOS NA SILA
Alec shuts his phone off. “Sa wakas,” ani niya lang habang inaayos ang higa sa kama. Hinila niya ang kumot hanggang sa baba niya, at pinikit na ang mga mata. He reveled in the warmth of his blanket against the chill from the AC, breathing slowly and softly like he didn’t just get pissed off to town. He enjoys the new-found peace and quiet.
Except, he couldn’t sleep.
He tossed and turned, flipped on his back and on his stomach, then laid with his back straight as he counted sheep – even turning his pillow over just to feel the cold cotton on his cheek – and yet, he still couldn’t get to dreamland.
He did that for 10 minutes.
“Fuck,” Alec huffed in frustration – his face scrunched up on the cold side of his pillow. He then adjusted his position – his back straight against the soft mattress. For a moment, Alec just stared at the darkness – blinking his eyes rapidly as he took in the nothingness – hoping that his eyes would get tired eventually. But it doesn’t – his mind is still so alive.
He groans in frustration. He thinks about rubbing one off – mabilis lang, pampaantok. But the thought of jacking off right after hearing your neighbor fuck left a bitter taste in his mouth. Fuck that’s kinda disgusting, isip niya. It just reminded him of how – at the age of 27 – he still hasn’t had a boyfriend or a girlfriend; that he still hasn’t fucked anyone – and worse: that he hasn’t had his first kiss yet. Ever. He wasn’t traditional of any sorts – saka hindi naman siya babae na restricted sa societal norms and expectations (which he believes should be abolished because fuck the the societal expectations set up by the religious sects and patriarchy).
Sadyang hindi niya lang talaga makuha ang amor ng mga relasyon noong mas bata siya. At mas lalong hindi niya rin makuha ang amor ng casual dating. He gets the thought – he respects the practice – pero ewan, hindi niya lang talaga siguro makuha-kuha ‘yung amats ng mga taong engaged sa ganoong tipo ng relasyon.
Alec sighs again – bakit ba kasi napunta ‘yung utak niya roon. Jusko, mga naiisip talaga tuwing pumapatak na ng ala-una ng madaling araw.
So Alec just laid there – tired and frustrated from being awake and being reminded of how single he is. Well don’t get him wrong, he loves being single. He loves independence. He loves having complete control of his life. He loves getting home late without having to think about a partner worrying at home. He loves it all!
He thought na baka avoidant and wala siguro siyang interes sa usapang pag-ibig – but no!
Because, at the back of Alec’s mind – he craves for it. He craves for romance. He craves for connection. Gusto niya rin ‘yung may nagtetext sa kanya ng ‘good morning’ no matter how stupid and corny it sounds. Gusto niya rin masubukan ‘yung may hahawak ng kamay niya sa sinehan. Gusto niya rin namang masubukang ma-cuddle – whatever that is. He wants to be kissed and to kiss, as well. Fuck, he wants someone to go home to. He loves that he is warm enough for himself; but he sometimes thinks about how nice it would feel to share it with another.
And the goddamn Tik Tok trends – gusto niya ring masubukan! Gusto niya ring mang-soft launch! Ano pang saysay ng North ni Clairo kung wala rin namang siyang mapaglalaanan?
Alec shakes his head at the thought – yearning hours lang siguro dahil disoras ng gabi. Willing to distract his already spiraling mind, he grabs his phone by his bedside table – scroll lang sa Tik Tok baka lang makatulong.
For the first few scrolls, Alec found himself laughing at a cat trying to catch its own tail; then cooing at a videoclip of a tiny puppy falling over its little legs; then to another cat…then another puppy…then another cat.
Then, Alec doesn’t understand how or why it even came to this certain video.
“Hey bestie, if you’re reading this right now…love is about to come your way…”
Napatawa lang si Alec sa babaeng lila ang buhok na para bang kinakausap siya. “Of course it will,” he replies sarcastically — but he kept listening.
“Before you dismiss the thought, makinig ka sa’kin bestie. Nafi-feel ko na talaga that the love that you have been waiting for is already close by. I know you your doubts, probably because of bad experiences or, myabe, dahil hindi mo lang naisip dati. Maybe you have reservations about love before — pero alam ko, you have also done your time — you have also been doing the hard work: waiting, working, building yourself up,”
Jusko po mukhang nababaliw na yata si Alec dahil pakiramdam niya talaga kinakausap lang siya ni madam — bakit parang tumpak lahat at pasok sa banga ang mga pinagsasabi niya? Oo, siya na ‘yung may reservations with love! Oo siyang-siya rin ‘yung waiting, working at nagbibuild ng sarili niya!
Napanuntong hininga lang si Alec.
“And all that work has been paying off, bestie. All that work is slowly giving you the type of connection you have been looking for. The stars are aligning already, bestie. Someone is out there already waiting and wanting — very eager to finally meet you. All you have to do is take the leap. Maybe do something you haven’t done before, maybe try to explore what you haven’t dared doing before. Because that’s what’s been holding you back,”
“Huh,” hindi sinasadyang sagot ni Alec, hindi napansing taimtim na talaga siyang nakikinig sa sinasabi ng babae sa telepono niya.
“I know it probably sounds overwhelming — probably even scary — to do things you aren’t used to. But, take a leap of faith. Maybe your friends have been suggesting stuff that you can do — it’s important that you listen to their advice,”
“What the fuck,” Alec whispers incredulously. What does she know about me, isip niya nang marinig ang mga kataga. What does she know about the stupid advice my friends have been giving? He turns up the volume, eager to know what this user has to say next. Alec thinks about giving her a follow.
“Love is on its way to you. You just have to open your heart out, and let the path come straight to you. There is nothing wrong about treading love with caution; there is nothing wrong about being judicious about who you let into your life; but best believe that the universe has already worked in your favor; you just have to try and let it in,”
Alec raises one of his brows. “So anong gagawin ko?” he asks – as if the girl will answer him directly. Alec adjusts his head on his pillow, trying to get more comfortable – already hooked and ready to listen. Okay, maybe she was right – maybe his friends were right.
Maybe all he has to do is to really let it in; let love in – in all its forms.
He holds the phone above his face, watching the bright pixels of his screen moving against his tired and bleary eyes. Alec thinks it's embarrassing enough to give some sort of attention to horoscopes, tarot readings, and whatnots on Tik Tok; and to him, it’s even more embarrassing to even consider the possibility of full-on listening to the readings on his supposed fate.
And yet he’s glued; was he really that desperate to find love? Alec shakes his head – ano bang mali roon? He thinks defensively.
In the middle of the night, when the world is quiet and when he is all alone with his thoughts; when no one is watching; he lets himself feel the smallest pang of loneliness setting in. Alec lets himself become honest.
So he listens. Attentively. With rapt attention. With nothing else in his mind other than the words echoing inside his room, even if the lightest bit of sleepiness has started to show.
“All you have to do is –”
“What? Anong gagawin ko bhie?” he questions at the buffering screen.
But the words never continued. Nawala si purple haired girl. Alec unintentionally swiped his thumb down on his screen. He refreshed his damn feed.
“Ugh,” he groans. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” he mumbles. He closes his eyes and locks his phone.
He’s back to where he was – staring into the nothingness of his ceiling.
“All you have to do is take the leap. Maybe do something you haven’t done before, maybe try to explore what you haven’t dared doing before,”
Alec hears the words again. Baka dahil medyo nararamdaman niya na ‘yung antok kaya’t kung ano-ano na lang din ang naiisip niya.
“Maybe your friends have been suggesting stuff that you can do — it’s important that you listen to their advice…Love is on its way to you. You just have to open your heart out…”
Alec thinks about it, despite the sluggishness of his brain. He thinks of the words as if it was one of those pre-school activities where you’d have to connect the dots together to draw a picture.
“Best believe that the universe has already worked in your favor; you just have to try and let it in,”
Alec blinks slowly, as if trying to make sense of everything – slowly but surely tracing the imaginary line between the thoughts. Alec sighs again, half in resignation; half in understanding.
He thinks he’s connected the dots – hopefully, it’s the right thing to do.
He picks up his phone again. He squints his eyes from the glare. He presses a few buttons – he downloads the incriminating app.
In ten minutes, Alec Kim – the hopeless romantic, organic encounter-craving Alec Kim, is unexpectedly making a Bumble account.
Ang lala talaga ng mental gymnastics kapag madaling araw na.
“Bakit ang dilaw?” he questions as the app loads. He confirms his number, his age, and starts to fill up the fields you were supposed to answer. Alec finds it a bit strange as he types in ‘Lec’ as his name on the app.
“I’m looking for…” Alec recites as he reads the options: long term relationship, fun and casual dates – unsure. Alec contemplates for a moment – he could just opt to pick long term relationship – ‘yung rin naman hanap niya; and yet a part of him thinks that going long isn’t what he needed at the moment; unsure is too vague.
He picks fun and casual dates. “Dates lang naman,” he says. “Or…something to get some experience?” he surmises. Just so he could be prepared when the real thing comes. He can always just delete the app or walk away from a date if ever.
The app went on to ask him more and more questions than what he’d ever been asked throughout his entire career. Yes, he was looking forward to dating men and women; yes, he graduated college; yes, yes, yes. So many yeses.
A part of him was a bit freaked out about writing down his educational background and his height on the app – even more so when he was picking out the causes he supported and the hobbies that he had. Then the pictures — the goddamn pictures. He’s not sure what type of pictures he should put out on display — should he choose something cute? something formal? something that shows his hobby? something with a bit of skin? He settles choosing one for each.
The cute photo is the one where he was with Bobpul; the formal one was when he was wearing a dark blue suit for an office event; then a picture of him fiddling with a camera; and finally, a ‘relatively’ sexy one when he was surfing.
“Okay na ‘yan,” he just mumbled, his eyes getting tired from looking at pictures of himself.
Alec never realized how methodical dating is until now — not that he had an idea about it anyways. But it was; you present yourself in such a way that’s carefully curated whilst still trying to keep your own personality — hoping that someone might like everything that’s in there. To him, it’s as if you’re saying, ‘Hey! I like this or I support this! Like me!’
Alec brushes off the thought. Dito rin naman nagkakilala si Ace at Iah.
Maybe, he might find someone, too. Maybe, the universe might be truly working him for him already; that after some careful deliberation on his likes and dislikes; and after putting ‘🕺👊 is this fun and punchy enough?’ in his bio, someone might be interested and match with him.
“Tangina, ano bang pinaggagawa ko,” he says as he starts swiping at the profiles showing up on the app. It’s already half past 1 in the morning and here he was, on Bumble, swiping away to his heart's content. Na para bang wala siyang trabaho kinaumagahan?
There was a certain thrill when he saw profiles of potential matches — especially when they had something in common. He gets to see what people were looking for; what sort of relationship they wanted to have. And when he sees that they both like ‘Dogs’ or ‘Coffee’ a part of him feels a bit giddy.
And to Alec, it was kind of comforting. They share some sense of vulnerability of wanting to find some sort of a connection.
“Maybe this isn’t so bad,” he thinks as he swipes further.
He was about 10 swipes in when he saw a familiar face.
“Wax, 29, works IT,” he reads out loud. In Wax’s main photo, he had his hair cut short; he was wearing a brown leather jacket — his glasses running a bit higher on his crunched up nose. Cute, Alec almost thought.
He scans the profile of his neighbor.
“‘Not looking for anything serious,’” Alec reads out loud. “Sure, obviously,” he comments. He reads on, “Cancer, Loves playing videogames…’” he continues.
In Wax’s next photo, he had slightly longer hair. He was wearing a suit and he was wearing glasses.
“Very corporate,” Alec comments.
Alec almost laughs at the prompt on the profile.
“‘Two truths and a lie: I use my tongue quite well, I have a dog, I love seafood,’” Alec reads. “The fuck?”
The next photo in Wax’s profile was him sitting down against a wall, wearing a striped top — broad shoulders and tattoo on display.
“Hm,” Alec only hums.
Alec ignores the warmth on his cheek when he reaches Wax’s final photo.
It seemed like it was from a photoshoot. It’s just a black and white photo. Wax was smiling wide with his abs on display — his shiny jacket and necklace barely covering anything.
“Oh no,” Alec mumbles. He has more tattoos, mungkahi ng utak ni Alec. So this is how he finds that the tattoo on his arm extends to chest? And that he had another tattoo on his hip? And that he looked so fucking good when he grins?
“E ‘di kuhang-kuha na na—“ Alec shuts his mouth before he could even say it, recalling their encounter on the elevator then (plus the unholy noises coming from the the unit beside Alec’s). "Hindi siya masarap, Lec," ani niya sa sarili niya, para bang turon ang nakahain para hindian.
Pero shet, isip ni Alec.
“Wax pala pangalan mo ah,” ani niya lang. Nakatitig lang si Alec sa profile ng lalaki. “Mas matanda pala ‘to sa’kin,” he thinks, scrolling up and down, seemingly unsure with that he was going to do.
Should he swipe left or right?
He knows the obvious answer. He must know. They’re neighbors. He was fucking someone else. He’s fucking hot. He looks like he was just going to ruin Alec’s life just for the fun of it all. They didn’t even have anything in common – except photography.
Alam naman ni Alec ang dapat. Alam naman ni Alec ang gusto niya. He wants stability. He wants connection. He wants love. At alam niyang hindi naman kayang ibigay ni Wax ng lahat ng ‘yun.
And yet he does the opposite thing. The demons won.
“It’s not like we’re going to match,” Alec just says. “Test lang.”
He pays it no mind. It’s not like they see each other that often anyways. Alec thinks that Wax probably hates him too – being a cockblock and all.
He swipes right to another 3 people before he feels the same familiarity from the heaviness of his lids.
And just like that, Alec Kim sleeps. He doesn’t dream of anything. He slept soundly, almost like a baby — no Bumble matches in his mind, no tarot reading girl, and definitely, no tatted-up neighbor occupying his dreams.
You have 3 new matches!