Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

As I bask in the morning glow seeping through the bed curtains, my eyelids drift apart. I hear the distant sounds of the port of the capital city of Alexandria, as well as muffled sounds of attendants preparing for the second bell, when we're supposed to get up. I stretch out my arms, and glance to my left, where I find Ferdinand already awake, reading a book, while waiting for his attendant. It's a common sight now, but it hasn't been this way from the start.

The first days after our Starbinding, he woke up at first bell and exited the bedroom very soon after, waking me up in the process. To think that, this is the life he lived, while I was made to wait for second bell even back then in my temple days. I had do it because I had to wait for my attendants to get ready for the day, but Ferdinand seemed to spare no such consideration—waking up, going to his office, working until second bell, and only then having breakfast. Not that I myself am purely doing it for my attendants—this precious time before the day properly starts is, on busy days, the only time I have to read a book. I knew he was a very busy man, but now that life in Alexandria has stabilised, and he had more spare time, he has no excuse. Several days of him waking me up way too early persuaded him to stay in bed until a bit before second bell.

I glanced at the book in Ferdinands hand—the latest of Ehrenfest exports. Unsure of what to do with his new free time, he intended to read documents, but I could never allow work to taint the sanctity of our bed with work, and made him copy me instead. Of course, this lead to a personal bookshelf in our room, at which he frowns to this day. 'How greedy can you be? You have a whole library to yourself, and still ask for more?' he said.

Of course, that's not the same! First of all, you can't be greedy with books—I understand if it were money or rare materials, but desiring more books and book storage is a virtue, and thus, greed is not applicable. Second of all, this is a necessary process for new books! I first have to read them to know how to categorize them using the Myne decimal system, so all new books are put in my personal bookshelf for me to read before anybody else! Ehehehe...

"I can see you are thinking about something foul," I heard, bringing me out of my thoughts. Ferdinant was watching me with suspicion, to which I smiled and scooted over to him, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Just happy to see you join the book club," I said, at which he sighed and wrapped his free hand around me, his gaze softening. I knew he would want to get out of bed as soon possible, but our time spent together in the morning was really precious to me, so—not to let him go that easily—I hugged him or rested on him soon after my waking. He cherished this contact, and this small push was enough for him to reconsider.

"I had hoped your coming of age would change something, but you still only have books on your mind, I see," he scoffed, brushing my long hair with his hand.

"Do I even have to say anything?" I smiled, wrapping my hand around him, at which he sighed and planted a kiss on top of my forehead. Had I not changed, I would have picked a book up straight away and given him no thought, but, obviously, that wasn't the case anymore. I used to consider him just family, but lately, being close to him made warmth spread in my chest. Is this what true romantic love is? I wanted him to be happy and to keep him safe for a long time, even before our engagement, but this feeling is definitely new. It makes me want to be with him, and hug him tightly, and have him caress my hair, and right now, all of it is happening, and I feel fuzzy and happy.

"Squeeze!" I grinned, wrapping my hands around him and hugging him tightly, as he groaned.

"What in the world are you doing?" he stared at me, furrowing his brows, "Did something happen?"

I shook my head. Many times before when I hugged him, it was because I needed him to console me. Being touch starved in noble society made it hard for me to fare well when I have life with my commoner family as a reference point, where touch and hugs and familial love was so matter of fact.

"No, I'm just happy, and I want to hug you because I'm so happy. Maybe because we sleep in the same bed now, that, when I wake up and see you beside me, I feel like it's spring, despite it being summer."

Ferdinand put his book away, in thought, as he unceremoniously unwrapped my hand from around him, and poured some mana into me, which went into me with no resistance whatsoever. He sighed, troubled, "Our mana is mixed, somehow."

I tilted my head in confusion, "And? We're a married couple now, aren't we?" He furrowed his brows and flicked my forehead with his finger. "Ouch! What was that for?!" I complained, rubbing my forehead.

"Fool. Mixing mana is a deliberate process, done on the night of. I know that when you used up all of your divine mana, I poured my liquid mana into you, but the fact that it has not changed back, after all this time, and instead mixed, is unusual. Although, you do bear the mark of Ewigeliebe... Good grief. Nothing is normal with you, as usual."

He glanced at the engagement feystone on my bedside table. That and close contact is probably why our mana has mixed by itself.

"Am I in trouble?" I asked, worried.

He sighed, "No. Some people practice mixing early, so it's not a big deal. But, there is a process to it."

I nodded, "I see. So, what 'day of' are you speaking of? When are we supposed to mix our mana?"

His expression tightened, and he shook his head, unraveling my hands from him and getting up from the bed, "When winter comes. Ask your attendants." His attendant Lasfam entered the bedchamber, getting Ferdinand ready for the day.

HUUUUUUUHHH?! When winter comes?! It means sex, right?! Ugh. I remember I didn't know what that euphemism meant, and embarrassed myself in front of my attendants and lady Egnaltine, but now there is no question about it. I guess mana mixing is usually done on 'the day of' as part of some tradition. With the rediscovered rituals proving that there are reasons to do things the old way, there is doubtless some merit to mixing mana on 'the day of.'

Ferdinand left the room, and I dwelled on it, as I waited for the second bell.

Mixing mana is required to bear a child. Will we bear a child and become parents? Do I want to do it?

I grasped my chest and sighed. Obviously, I thought about it several times before. I looked back on Kamil, and Dirk and how tiny and cute they were when they were babies (they are still absolutely cute, but in a different way). I was also asked about a successor several times, and while I didn't give a concrete answer back then—changing the topic to Leticia and her education—now, when I thought about it, I felt blood rush to my face and my body temperature rise. I realise now how much I want to be a mother. I remembered Mom and her love, I imagined how our baby would look based on baby Kamil - golden eyes, light blue and soft straight hair, cute fat cheeks - and felt my mana surge.

Is this normal? Ferdinand said I am anything but.

I opened a drawer in my bedside table, grasped an empty feystone with a bit of hesitation, and sighed, cooling myself as I drained my mana. I then distracted myself with a book until second bell.

Soon, Lieseleta and Gretia entered the room and started getting me ready for the day. As I bathed, and Lieseleta was washing my skin with a sponge, I asked her the question that was weighing on my mind, "Lieseleta, is there some kind of special tradition for mixing mana between married couples?"

I felt her falter, as her hand stopped for several seconds, but she asked me calmly, "What motivates you to ask that, Lady Rozemyne?"

She really does maintain her composure at the hardest of moments. I couldn't be more proud of my attendants!

I felt blood rush to my face, as I sighed, "I am thinking of becoming a mother. I know that involves mixing mana with my partner, but I don't know what else that entails."

Lieseleta nodded, "Ah, you mean that. Unfortunately, I don't have the experience in this area, but I know that couples usually conceive on Earthday. They spend the whole day together, and retreat to their chambers at 7th bell. There, they drink the Mana Synchronization potion, and meet winter together."

So, a date? A date! So cute! It makes sense for nobles to go on a date before they spend the night in bed together. With so many political marriages, a morsel of romance was the bare minimum nobles needed for their night together to be satisfactory.

I got out of the bath and we continued our conversation, as I was getting dressed and had my hair done. Gretia was helping with the outfit.

"As for couples who mixed their mana early, is anything different?" I asked.

Lieseleta thought for a bit. "Not much is different. You just don't have to mix at the end of the day. It's out of order, and not how things are done usually. Often this happens in happy compatible couples," she smiled, "You and Lord Ferdinand are indeed very close."

I sighed, "I just worry, that I would get carried away with my emotions. When I thought about it in bed, I got so excited that I had to drain my mana."

Lieseleta glanced at Gretia and she exited the room. "We will carry additional empty feystones in case that happens, so worry not, Lady Rozemyne."

My attendants are just the best in the whole wide world!

After getting ready for the day, I had breakfast with Ferdinand and Letizia—our adopted daughter. At this point, I have exhausted my knowledge of recipes that include fish with this worlds ingredients—so my chefs were experimenting. They knew my taste well and their new dishes were delightful! Hartmut was filling me in on my duties for today as I was eating: I had to sign some documents, visit the workshop in the orphanage, and attend a meeting in the temple with the Gutenbergs, Plantin and Gilberta companies. Alexandria was getting ready to receive merchants from other duchies, but we would start slow, accepting only Ehrenfest and Dunkenfelger merchants. Despite the loss of trade from Lanzenave, we couldn't rush it, even if our duchy demanded it. As I was contemplating it, Ferdinand was giving Letizia tasks to do for the day. Despite what she had done to him over in the past, he still treats her relatively nicely. I smiled warmly at the sight and encouraged her to work hard.

After breakfast, I went to my office with my retainers, and began work, signing documents and reading the reports. I glanced from my seat to the window, which would've given me a nice view of my library—had Angelica not been standing in the way. I sighed. Some time ago I asked my desk to be moved, so I could have the view of my dreams as I worked. Of course, I didn't tell my retainers that, but Hartmut saw right through me, and told Angelica to stand in front of the window, as he said, 'With such an open view from the outside directly onto you, Lady Rozemyne, we have to place a guard there!'. And, of course, he picked Angelica. She can't work with documents, and she very much values her duty of standing guard, so, no matter how much I racked my brain, I could not find an excuse to move her out of the way.

As I worked through the pile of paper, my thoughts drifted to this morning.

Earthday is the day after tomorrow, so would I and Ferdinand do 'it' then? I would need to talk to him today, then. I can't imagine preparing for the date would be easy, and having it this Earthday could be much too sudden. Although, the thought of waiting for the next Earthday makes me melancholic for some reason.

As I was deep in thought, Hartmut called out to me, "Something on your mind, Lady Rozemyne?" He looked at me inquisitively, and I averted my eyes.

I couldn't bear the thought of Hartmut knowing about our date and mana mixing. He has the tendency to sing praise about anything I do, and the vision of him exclaiming his prose, about how divine I would be at making babies, made the blood drain from my face.

No way!

"Nothing important, Hartmut." I answered. Nevertheless, I took a small break, and summoned my Gruttrissheit to look into what nobles did to have children. I wish I could've asked Elvira, Florencia, or Ottilie for advice, but they were in another duchy, and I didn't know any other noble mothers in Alexandria, whom I could ask this personal question.

The search gave me several results. Apparently, nobles of the past prayed to Beischmacht—the god of child-seeking. They went to his shrines on Earthdays and prayed with their partners. This prevented miscarriages, gave the child a more firm link to the divine, and ensured a pleasant night together for the couple, whatever that means. I couldn't help but blush.

So, this is where the tradition for dates came from. Praying got lost through the ages, but bringing it back wouldn't take too much effort. I know, that pregnant women aren't supposed to spend mana or give blessings, so the last one for the god of child-seeking seems reasonable. I wonder if there is a Beischmacht shrine in Alexandria?

I didn't know who I could ask this question, and I didn't trust Hartmut, so I elected to continue my work instead. Some time later, I heard a knock on the door and Justus came into the office with some papers. He glanced at Angelica in front of the window and nodded assuredly, then turned to me. "I apologize, Aub Alexandria, but you have to sign this. It's budget related."

I accepted the papers and signed them. Casting Entwickeln several times to build the city was necessary at the time, but it also gave everyone more work in the long run. At this moment, I realised that Justus might be the perfect person to ask about the shrines—he always knew the most surprising information about the most random topics. I gave him a sound blocking feystone, as I glanced at Hartmut, and Justus gave me a curious look, taking it in his hand.

"Justus, do you know of any Beischmacht shrines in Alexandria?"

He raised his eyebrows and gave me a knowing smile, "Yes, there is one East of the city in the central district, near a farming town. Do you intend to visit?"

I hesitantly smiled, not sure if it was right to tell him before Ferdinand, "I am hoping to spend this Earthday together with Ferdinand and go there at some point then. I haven't consulted him on this yet, so please don't tell him about it. I want to do it myself."

He mulled over the new information for a bit, "My apologies, Lady Rozemyne, but I must refuse—it would be in both of our interests for Lord Ferdinand to know as soon as possible. Planning a date takes time."

I know that it takes time! But I couldn't bear Justus out all people telling him about it! Fine, if he needs to know as soon as possible, I will compromise. I wanted to go to the library after work until fourth bell, and I know he is at the castle today, so I will forego my visit and wait for him on the balcony here, closer to his office.

"How about I and Ferdinand have lunch together at fourth bell on the main balcony of the castle? That would be early enough, right?"

Justus tapped his chin and nodded, "Sure, Lady Rozemyne. I will inform him of the change of plans." He gave back the sound blocking feystone and exited the room, and I informed my attendants about lunch and the meeting.

As soon as I finished work, I headed to the balcony and waited for 4th bell. In the meantime, I continued the embroidery of his cape, as the sunlight made it especially easy to see my hands. I looked at the reference drawing on a board and started embroidering yet another magic circle. It was a grueling task for me—who didn't enjoy embroidery—but it was something I wanted to do. Today, surprisingly, it went by particularly easily. My hands seemed to move fluently, and the process was somewhat satisfying. The threaded needle felt like an extension of my body.

Am I improving so much? I knew that motivation speeds up improvement, but I didn't know it played such a huge part.

I soon finished the magic circle. Confused, I looked around and saw Lieseleta look at me with great interest. It usually took me several bells to finish a circle, but if I did indeed do it, lunch must have passed already. "Lieseleta, did I miss lunch?"

She shook her head, "No, Lady Rozemyne, it is not 4th bell yet, and Lord Ferdinand is not yet here. I must say though, you worked really hard on embroidery today."

I didn't know what to say in response. Would 'it's because of love' really explain my progress?

I shrugged, "No use thinking about it. I improved through sheer effort and that is that."

As I puffed out my chest, Lieseleta tilted her head, "That’s not the most surprising thing. When embroidering today, you haven't once looked at the Alexandria library."

As I sat there, contemplating, 4th bell rang. Soon, Gretia rolled a cart with food and a tea set to the table, and Ferdinand came here as well. He sat in front of me by the table, not looking very amused, "So, what did you want to talk about?"

I didn't know where to start the conversation, so, checking that Hartmut was not present, I decided to show the progress of my work first. He accepted the cape and looked over the magic circle. "I finished it today," I said, puffing out my chest, "I expect at least a 'very good' for my dedication!"

His gaze softened, and he nodded, "Yes, very impressive for a woman with your lack of talent and attention."

I crossed my arms and puffed out my cheeks, "Ferdinand, did you really have to mask a compliment with an insult?"

He gave the cape back to me as plates were set and tea was poured, "I only spoke the truth. Now, I assume this isn't the topic you intended to discuss today."

Geez, I understand that 'very impressive' is the highest praise he can give, but he didn't have to also be so rude about it!

I drank some tea and sighed, dropping the topic, "How do you feel about having children?"

I looked at him as he tightened thr grip on his utensil, and furrowed his brows. He went silent for a bit, tapping the fork against the plate, "So soon? Our Starbinding was just this Archduke Conference."

I reminisced on our Starbinding. We dressed in similar outfits to our engagement, but my hair was up and my skirt was down to my feet, signifying my coming of age. Everyone complimented me on how stunning I was, although, Hartmut was weeping about how with my hair up, I didn't resemble Mestionora as much as I did before. I didn’t see a problem with that, as she brought me so much trouble in the past. Zent Egnaltine oversaw the ceremony, adorned in the robes of a High Bishop, and the Crown of Light and Cape of Darkness she wore lifted up into the air, as she chanted the prayer, turning it into a dazzling display of divine beauty. I performed a similar ceremony myself, but being on the receiving end felt so, so different. I clung to Ferdinand, as the divine blessing rained down on us, and sighed with happiness. Many people, who helped me in the past, were there: Sylvester, Florencia, Charlotte, Hannelore, Melchior (who was finally old enough to attend), Elvira (she in particular lost her mind, and I fear she would base many a scene in her books on our Starbinding), and even Bonifatius. He still did not fully accept Ferdinand as my husband, but whenever I looked at him, he had that proud and happy look on his face. It was one of the happiest moments of my life, and I still feel traces of that happiness in my daily life with Ferdinand.

"We may not have been married for even a season, but we have been engaged for quite some time. Personally, I think it's the perfect time to try. The politics have calmed down, and not much is happening for the first time in a while. Also, I realise now that I want children," my voice trembled as I said the last part, a storm of emotions brewing inside of me, as I looked at him, "You... Well, would you also want to have children? I couldn't possibly impose..."

Ferdinands eyes widened as he took an empty feystone from Lieseleta and touched it against my skin, cooling my mana, "Calm down, your mana is out of control. Good grief," he sighed, "I do want children. But not now. We are about to open our border gates to the merchants, and there is still a lot of work to do. Also, consider the foundation. The archduke family consists of you, me, and Leticia. You will not be able to replenish the foundation while pregnant, so your responsibility will fall on us. If you are so intent on having a kid, we could adopt someone into the family—like you were, and how Drewanchel does it—so the strain is not so tough on us. I spent some time looking for the candidates, although, I haven't found many viable ones."

I gripped the hem of my dress, faced with the reality of being a female aub, and looked down at my feet, "I mean... Adoption sounds fine, but that's not what I meant..." I looked at him, "When do you suggest we have a kid?"

He sighed, pressing another empty feystone against my skin, "We could announce the adoption during winter socialising at the earliest, and we will have a lot of work to do during the season when Leticia will be at the Royal Academy, so spring would be a good time, even with the Archduke Conference on the horizon."

A sudden feeling of melancholy washed over me, "That’s so far away, though..."

Ferdinand shook his head, putting the full feystones away, "It's nornal for archduke couples to wait this long."

But I am anything but normal.

We spent the rest of our lunch in silence.

When we finished, I intended to go straight to the temple on my Pandabus, but Ferdinand came up to me and wrapped his arms around me, looking at me, concerned, and asked, "You care about it a lot, then?"

I nodded.

He caressed my back and sighed, "This came out of nowhere, as usual with you. But, what motivated this?" I caressed his chest as I thought to myself.

It really was a combination of many things that culminated today. The Starbinding, our life together, the fact that I already considered him family. The thoughtful things he does for me all the time, to accommodate me. I felt bad about potentially putting a mountain of work on him and Letizia.

"The thought came to me this morning. My love for you has been accumulating all this time, and I guess it all finally surfaced today."

He couldn't caress my long hair anymore, which was braided and wrapped around the back of my head, so he grasped my face in his hands, "I see. We can't rush with these things, can we?

I shook my head.

I often cause trouble unintentionally. Doing it during a bad period of time would endager me more than ever before, if I was pregnant. I won't be able to pray and defend myself if something happened like I usually do.

"No, we can't," I admitted.

He planted a kiss on my forehead, as I calmed down, and said, "No promises, but I will see what I can do." He went back into the castle, and I sighed, resolved to push my worries down."

In the temple, I met up with Philine. She and Damuel were engaged, but whenever anyone asked them about their Starbinding, their faces went red and they made countless excuses about the busy takeover and what-not. I tried not to tease them, although, fruitlessly, as the game of talking about their relationship without them realizing it was just too entertaining. I visited the orphanage workshop, and was given the report. There were several printing presses now, and the kids worked hard for their education. They were now almost on the level of the Ehrenfest orphans. Fran and Zahm were particularly good at teaching them manners, and recently they also started teaching etiquette at the Alexandria public school.

As I sat in the orphanage directors chambers, tea was poured, and Benno and Mark, as representatives of the Plantin company, Tuuli and Corinna from the Gilberta company, and Josef—one of my Gutenbergs—came in. We exchanged greetings, as the Alexandria scholars watched us—they had to learn how to interact with commoners, or our industries would fail.

I and Benno discussed the new plant paper workshop that Lutz and Gil were working on in the province of Vulkatag, which was a mountanous region with a lot of trees. It bordered Illgner, so much research that was done on fey paper came in handy. We also discussed the soon approaching merchants from Ehrenfest and Dunkenfelger. The local merchants were hit hard with the lack of trade with Lanzenave, so this was bound to balance things out.

Josef gave the report on research Heidi was doing. Many new ingredients for dyes were found, and I gave them more time and money, at which he exhaled, relaxed, and thanked me for my consideration.

Lieselta discussed new clothes I was purchasing from Corinna, and then Tuuli put a small box on the table. She smiled at me, and I smiled back. We could interact at least once a season when I teleported to their placs, but seeing her more always put me at ease.

"Would you like to see our newest hairpin, Lady Rozemyne?"

I nodded, and she opened the box gracefully, showing off her work. It was beautiful, and the use of Ahrenbach thin fabric for ribbons was novel.

"It was made in the colors of summer."

I nodded, satisfied, "I would like to purchase it here and now."

"Would you like me to put it on straight away?"

I nodded and turned around.

As Tuuli was putting the hairpin in my hair, Josef looked at her, murmuring to himself, "So, you too, huh..."

I cocked my head at him in confusion. He faltered, trying to find correct words to say, "Uh... Sorry, Lady Rozemyne, my wife is pregnant, so..."

HUUH?! Heidi?! Again? How many kids does she have already?! One, two?

"... and I noticed your hair seamstress is pregnant as well, so... I spoke without thinking." He hung his head, ashamed, but I wasn't paying attention to him anymore. I turned to Tuuli, who was covering her mouth with her hand, blood rushing to her face.

Tuuli?! She's pregnant?! HUUUHHHHH?!

Now that I looked at her closer, she was, in fact, wearing lighter clothes, and her belly was slightly larger. It wasn't big enough to notice at a surface glance, but now that I was looking at it, it was clear. The devastated expression on her face was a dead giveaway, too.

I turned to Josef, planning to unleash the thunder for his blunder, but Benno was ahead of me, "Not only did you speak out of turn, you also spoke of something that should not be discussed at meetings like this."

The ravenous glare of his red eyes, and the look of Josefs soul leaving his body, really calmed me down.

I really do get emotional when it involves my sister. Thanks, Benno!

I turned to Tuuli, who composed herself and nodded, "Yes, Lady Rozemyne, his observation is correct. Although, it's a shame. I didn't want anybody to notice during this meeting."

She wanted to reveal it at our next get-together, when Lutz would be back from the paper workshop! Curse you, Josef!

I congratulated her. I was overjoyed at sharing this moment with my sister, although, some unpleasant feeling persisted in the back of my head and weighed down on my heart. It remained for the rest of my day, as I practiced my harspiel, and only sorting books in my library and reading was enough to distract myself fully.

During dinner, the archducal family talked about their days. I chose to omit some details, and as a result, was less talkative than usual. I didn't want to worry Ferdinand with the topic of Tuulis pregnancy, given how relevant it is. And also, I wasn't supposed to find out, and as he is family, he isn't supposed to find out either!

I laid in bed for some time. No matter how tightly I shut my eyes, I couldn't fall asleep. A feeling of longing was heavy on my heart, and envy corroded me from the inside. As I recalled her bright embarrassed happy smile, and tried to overwhelm these feelings with our shared joy, Ferdinand touched my neck, feeling my temperature. He jolted away, as I felt my stirring mana enter him without resistance.

"Rozemyne," I heard him say, as he drained my mana with empty feystones, "Did something happen today?"

His voice was tinged with worry, and I felt myself calm down and my mana settle, "Well... Josef mentioned his wife is pregnant."

Ferdinand sighed, "It's one thing after another with you. Was this knowledge enough to disturb you so much?" I nodded slowly. "Do you think you could be fine if he didn't mention it again, or if you didn't interact with him again?"

I fell silent.

Even if I didn't see him ever again, I would inevitably see Tuuli. And if I didn't see her for a long time, it would be even worse.

"... Tuuli too," I said hesitantly.

Ferdinand furrowed his brows, "Now it all makes sense. You could never just forget that your sister is pregnant, and we will meet soon as well." He tapped his forehead, "I did some digging. Mixing mana and close relationships are not a correlation. When your body senses someone who you mixed mana with, it slowly prepares itself. For women, it gets ready to receive. You can probably feel it."

I hesitantly nodded. I did feel many things all at once, but they could, indeed, vaguely be described as 'getting ready to receive': I was clingy, it felt good to be around him, he was on the forefront of my mind as I embroidered his cape. But also, there was a need that I couldn't fulfill.

I asked him, "And as for men?"

He glanced at me and looked away, "Men get the 'urge to take', or, 'devour'."

I felt a shudder run through my spine.

He feels this about me? He has the 'urge to devour' me? It makes him feel like a wild beast, and yet he shows so much restraint and consideration for me. This makes me feel that much happier around him, and much more guiltier for my sheer weakness to control myself.

I stayed silent, thinking this through.

So, do I really love him? Or is it all just mana making me act unlike myself? I already had the influence of gods make me act different, so is it the same? The possibility that my love might be fake, after I told him I loved him, really made me anxious.

"So... Ferdinand, is my mana mixed with yours because I love you, or do I love you because our mana is mixed?" I asked anxiously.

He blinked as he looked at me, "What is love, anyway? You say it like you know what it is and what it isn't, but I only know familial love you taught me. What I feel now is lust."

I sighed, tasked with another barrel of information to unload.

Is it love, or is it lust? More importantly, what is love, anyway? I remember hearing back in my Urano days, that love is just chemicals in your head. Is lust also a bunch of chemicals? Does mana in this world, in a way, act as the chemicals that make people feel love and lust? I know I love Mom and Dad and Tuuli, and I treat Ferdinand the same as them, so, while I was denying that I loved him, was I trying to explain lust? I don't really get it, but the picture feels more clear to me.

"Maybe it is lust. But now I realise that when I said I loved you, I was correct, regardless of definition. And maybe when denying that I did, I was just rejecting the truth. Just maybe..."

Ferdinands gaze softened, "Good to know."

I asked him, "So, this is happening because our mana got mixed, but has my mana not been the same as yours from the get-go?"

He shook his head, "It was very similar, but the infinitesimal difference from my hastely brewing liquid mana made it different nonetheless. Our mana became easier to mix, and when it did, it became one and the same."

I nodded and stared at him for a little while, looking into his eyes, "So, what do we do now?"

"Now? We do nothing. We will have to change our plans and spend the Earthday togeher sooner rather than later. Our mana is so similar now that it flows in-between us with no resistance. It's not unpleasant, but... makes it harder to control myself."

I sighed somberly understanding his perspective. It was hard for me to control myself as well, "Sorry for putting you through so much trouble."

He shook his head, "It's my fault for dyeing your mana too early. Had I known, I would have thought of something else."

I smiled, "Don't apologize for being my savior. You didn't know it would remain dyed for so long and get mixed so easily. If we're doing apology (olympics), I'd have to apologize for loving you too much."

Ferdinand groaned and covered his eyes with his hand, "I don't even know what you just said, and I have no intention of knowing it. I will plan our date for this Earthday. Good night." He turned away from me, and I could see his ears flushed red, even in the moonlight.

I mused about Flutrane watching us at this moment, and tugged the bed curtains shut, "Remember to include a trip to the shrine of Beischmacht. I found that people in the past prayed to him on the 'day of'."

He glanced back at me, "Beischmacht? The god of child-seeking?" he shook his head and turned away, not giving me a moment to respond, "Understood. Just, please... don't say anything else."

I silently stared at his back for some time.

I know it's for the best now to do it, but to think that he would go through so much trouble for me and spend this Earthday with me... I can't feel guilty about it. Lust, love, no matter. Whatever it is, my heart only has place for one emotion at this moment.

I stared lovingly at him as I drifted off to sleep. My dreams were happy and light, and nothing at all troubled me. And each and every one of them included him.