Work Text:
"Are you sure you don’t need anything before we go, Sora-kun?"
“Yes, SoRA. There’s nothing that you could ask for that would be too much of a burDEN.”
Sora pouted and turned around in bed, letting Natsume and Tsumugi’s colors leave his gaze. He stayed still for a bit before softly kicking his legs under the bedsheets. “Sora will be fine. Good luck today, Senpai. Shissou.”
Natsume holds his arm and looks visibly upset. Tsumugi strains a smile and responds “Okay, then. We’ll be heading out.” before sliding their dormitory room door open. The two of them can’t help but turn around and study Sora one last time before leaving. Expecting to see the lump of Sora’s back through the bed sheets, Natsume and Tsumugi are shocked to see Sora’s tearful expression turn towards them as the door closes and separates them completely.
For a while, Sora just laid there, holding his Natsume and Tsumugi plushes in his hand as he struggled with what to do next. His chest felt so heavy. He could feel the tension in his jaw hold his face in place as his thoughts stewed in his mind. How did he want to solve this? How did he even want to feel? Was this situation his fault? Sora felt paralyzed. He laid in bed, quietly lost in thought before being snapped back to reality by his cell phone buzzing from across the room. He couldn’t see the notification from here - even getting close to it on a day like this felt like too much - but turning around to look at the rest of the room revealed the time to him. It was 2:35 PM. That much time had passed? Sora didn't want to stay in his bed all day. If he wanted to prepare something for Valentine’s Day, he had to start now. Sora let out a deep sigh before turning around and climbing out of bed. He fixed his clothes and moved towards the door. Even if he couldn’t completely capture his feelings, he decided that he would do his best.
“Huhu~! Sora's finished!” A wave of pride swept over Sora as he stared proudly at the three trays of chocolate he had just finished making. Each tray had chocolate of varying designs and types. But, each tray of chocolate had a particular flavor note. Sora couldn't decide what kind of chocolate to give to Natsume and Tsumugi, so he made all of his ideas come true. Even if he didn't give them all the kinds of chocolate, he could at least give them the one he liked the best.
Sora surveyed the first tray. He picked up a gumball-shaped piece of chocolate he had decorated with streaks of white chocolate. Trying it, he was immediately hit with a wave of bitterness that swept across his mouth. The intense flavor of the chocolate jolted him in a way he wasn't prepared for; it was almost like his entire body reacted to the flavor. Sora grimaced a bit while the complex flavor of the chocolate melted on his palette. As he contemplated the gumball chocolate’s flavor, he noticed his mind unconsciously drift towards his recent conversations with Tsumugi and Natsume.
Sora was so upset with them. For what felt like the umpteenth time in three years, Sora couldn't help but feel like an outsider in Natsume and Tsumugi's story. Sora had thought that he couldn't have been the only one of their class to not know about the war. Surely Tori, or Midori, or Tomoya or anyone else hadn't known what Sora didn't know. But, it turned out that Sora was the only one of his class at Yumenosaki that had never been told what had transpired four years ago. And today, of all days, Sora had to be left on his own while Fine-O and Altered (or, as everyone else knew them, Ex-Fine and the Five Eccentrics) reunited on stage for the first time since OO for one of many upcoming collaborations. Sora tightened his fist as anger kindled in his heart. It didn't matter how he felt. The world had decided that this was Natsume and Tsumugi's legacy, what they were meant to be known for. Sora isn't a part of that story. And all of this time, Natsume and Tsumugi hadn’t even told him about something so important, either. Why was this always happening? Why are they always so focused on this thing that it made it okay to leave Sora behind?
Sora took a deep breath, fighting back tears. If he was being honest with himself, he doesn’t even really care about what happened during “The War.” He just feels intensely jealous of the bond those two share because of it. He feels jealous of the barrier that he feels like he will never be able to cross. All of this time, he had followed Natsume and Tsumugi because he felt like they would create a world where he could be himself too. But on days like these, it just felt like he was, once again, just looking at the world by himself. Sora shook his head. No. He shouldn’t think about his Shissou and Senpai like this.
He needed to let this go.
Quickly, he picked up a piece of dark chocolate from the second tray and popped it into his mouth. His tongue immediately tingled from the chile peppers he had mixed inside. The sensation once again rocked his body and his mind as the sweat that formed across his forehead brought with it a wave of regret and shame that crept across his whole being. It’s a lesson they all had learned several times: Avoiding your problems never does you any good. So many times in the past, the members of Switch had been forced to address the distance between them. And every time they did, they would grow closer.
Sora used to think that Natsume and Tsumugi were the ones who would keep their distance from him. But in reality, Sora did the same thing, didn’t he? He would hold himself back during important conversations, or make himself small when the both of them prepared their schemes. Sora thought about the dolls he held earlier and let out a quiet scoff. How long did he spend imagining Natsume and Tsumugi’s comfort instead of just directly seeking it? How hard was it for him to intrude on their world? No matter how Sora looked at it, he felt like he had to admit that he often did nothing to change things either. How many opportunities did Sora have to speak up? How many chances did Sora let pass by?
Tears formed in his eyes. Maybe this situation was his fault, after all. He was so afraid of losing them, of opening a box that could never be closed again if he were to let all of these feelings go that far. He didn’t want anything he did to come between the three of them. All he ever wanted was for Switch to find eternal happiness. If talking about “The War” made them sad, Sora didn’t have to ask. But Sora could see now that not learning more about the past that so deeply affected Natsume and Tsumugi was a mistake. Was it too late for them? Would it be possible for Sora to learn the truth about the past and for Switch to keep moving forward? Was there a place for Sora in a future where Natsume and Tsumugi’s trauma was brought to the forefront? And more than anything, does Sora deserve a place in the light where the both of them currently shine? Maybe this sting of regret was the only feeling Sora should share with his Shissou and Senpai.
Sora sniffled and hesitantly looked at the last tray of chocolate. He held his left arm and bit the inside of his cheek as he shifted his body away from his Valentine’s creations. Anger, sadness, guilt, jealousy: all of these feelings mixed inside him as he thought about everything they had been through to get here. There was a part of Sora that screamed at him to throw it all away; That said Sora doesn’t deserve to be a part of the story they had tried to weave together. Another part of Sora’s mind felt so hurt - as if Senpai and Shissou confirmed for Sora what he had always believed about himself. After so many times caught up in this cycle, maybe Sora should do the right thing and finally be the one to break it.
Despite thinking that, Sora couldn’t help himself. Maybe it was a wish. Maybe it was the “magic” he had been told he always had. But, without thinking, Sora picked up a heart-shaped chocolate from the last tray and ate it. The sweetness of the milk chocolate shell enveloped him as the caramel from the chocolate’s core melted in his mouth. The feeling overwhelmed him; This time, Sora couldn’t help but cry.
This feeling. This is what magic felt like.
Sora thought about all of the times it had seemed like Switch wasn’t going to survive. The lonely days and nights before the Star Spirit Festival. The hectic times surrounding Wonder Game and Tsumugi’s graduation. Tsumugi’s dismissal as the Vice President of NewDI. Every time it felt like Switch was going to go their separate ways, they always found their way back to each other. Even if it was a lesson they kept having to learn. Even if the growth wasn’t always linear. It would always be okay if they all tried their best for each other.
Sora remembered what it felt like to grasp Senpai’s and Shissou’s hands during Magic Lantern Fest. The feeling of embracing the light with them after spending so long grappling with the dark. That day, Sora realized that if they held each other’s hand and went together, there wasn’t a darkness they couldn’t navigate. Maybe it’s normal for the clouds to grow again as they all navigated life. Maybe it’s hard for people to accept the light when we know the darkness lurks around every corner. Even then, Sora can be there to grab their hands and help through all of the hard times together. After all, that’s what Senpai and Shissou did for Sora. Sora wiped his eyes and sighed. Finally smiling, Sora remembered the words he said to himself on that shining stage.
“And if we drop something, we can pick it up quickly. Isn't that right, Master? Senpai?"
A chill had set in as midnight approached on the cold February night. Sora sat on a bench opposite an imposing steel door with two brightly decorated bags of chocolate in each of his hands. The large dome overhead cast a perpetual shadow on the alleyway, but a streetlight just above Sora’s head cast an orange glow on the street ahead of him. Experience has taught Sora that this was the door that Natsume and Tsumugi liked to use when they had concerts here. Especially since it meant that Switch could sneak away for a private adventure instead of using the car service ES often has set up for them. Even though Sora wasn’t with them today, he could feel in his bones that the two of them would still come this way.
Sora fidgeted in the darkness and tightened his grip on his Valentine’s Day gifts. The dark scared him, but he did his best to focus on the illuminated door that sat in front of him. He could feel his heart beat out of his chest and his throat tighten as he waited. He had just begun to steady his breathing when the metal door suddenly opened. As Sora had predicted, Natsume and Tsumugi both emerged from the venue, their conversation cut abruptly short as they came face to face with Sora. Sora couldn't see their faces in the darkness. But, from their murky colors, he could tell both Natsume and Tsumugi were struggling to find the right words.
“SoRA! It’s so good to see YOU!” Natsume said, slightly shifting his weight as he strained a smile and moved closer to Sora. “I reached out earliER, but I didn’t expect that you…you would COME...”
Tsumugi was next. His voice sounded the same as always, but Sora could tell from Tsumugi’s colors that discomfort sat in his soul too. “Sora-kun! What a pleasant surprise! It’s so nice to see you here. Did you enjoy the concert?”
Sora look ashamed. “Sora…Sora didn’t watch it. Sora is sorry.”
The somber “color” that surrounded Natsume and Tsumugi turned more mixed and gloomier as they stood there. For a second, all Sora could do was stare. A part of him couldn’t process that they were there. But once Sora had heard their voice, Sora knew that his destiny lie ahead of him.
He stood up from the bench and moved his full hands behind his back. With a taciturn expression, he looked at them both as they turned red and scrambled to address him. “I’m sorRY! I should have told you more about what happenED! I-”
“Sora-kun! It was so much, and so long ago." Tsumugi said. "Natsume-kun and I…we felt like we needed to-”
Sora softly pouted and turned his head. Tsumugi abruptly stopped speaking and both Natsume and him directed their full focus on Sora. Sora felt so complicated; a part of him wanted this, for the both of them to acknowledge the pain and loneliness he had felt during all of this time. But, Sora also wanted nothing more than for the both of them to feel the love that he had for Switch and the love he had for them.
Still pouting, Sora slightly turned his head back to the pair. “Hold out your hands.” He commanded. Natsume and Tsumugi, thoroughly confused, shot brief glances at each other before doing as instructed. Sora quickly moved his hands from behind his back and placed the two bags of candy into his Senpai and shissou’s hands. Looking at the brightly decorated bags and then at Sora, Natsume and Tsumugi both tried to make sense of the situation. Sora wringed his hands in front of him as he anxiously tried to keep it together.
Tsumugi spoke first. “Oh! Right! It’s Valentine’s Day. I’ve been so busy with the Reminiscence Festival that I didn’t have a chance to plan anything, but-”
Sora crossed his arms and puffed his cheeks before fully turning away again. Tsumugi started to panic. “Uwah! Was it because I mentioned the Reminiscence Festival!? I’m sorry, Sora!”
Natsume couldn’t help himself from shooting his senpai an intense scowl. “You dumMY! Stop talking about IT! Can’t you see that you’re making things WORSE?”
Sora, still facing away but looking thoroughly embarrassed, simply responded “Sora wants Shissou and Senpai to try the chocolate.”
Natsume and Tsumugi both exchanged glances before untying the knots that closed their candy bags. Natsume removed a gumball shaped chocolate from his bag while Tsumugi removed a square piece from his. As they placed their respective pieces in their mouths, Sora turned around to watch both of their reactions.
Natsume’s face tightened as he reacted to the bitterness of his chocolate but softened as he appreciated its finer flavor notes. “SoRA, did you make this chocoLATE? It’s bitTER…but has a soft complexity to IT. I like IT.”
Tsumugi whined as he digested his piece. “Uuu! Sora-kun! My piece of chocolate was a little spicy! It was delicious, and the milk chocolate and smoky spice taste good together! But, I can’t say I was ready for the spice! Even so…” Tsumugi continued as his face relaxed into a soft smile “I feel like it warms me up on this cold day.”
Sora was silent for a bit as he contemplated his emotions. After a couple of seconds, he responded to them. “Sora wants Shissou and Senpai to try a heart-shaped chocolate next.”
The both of them complied and found a heart-shaped chocolate to try from their bags. Natsume hesitated at first before placing the chocolate into his mouth. Tsumugi stared at the chocolate for a fraction of a second before quickly eating his piece. The both of them visibly relaxed and smiled as they chewed on their piece of milk chocolate and caramel.
Natsume smiled. “Fufu, Sora, this is deliCIOUS. I can taste the love and the heart that you embedded into this chocoLATE. It’s sweetness reminds me of YOU.”
“Yes! Sora-kun, your chocolate is such a nice treat.” Tsumugi said. “It feels extra like you wanted to spoil me again today.” Tsumugi reassured Sora as he stepped slightly closer to him, finally exiting the darkness and coming fully into the light. “It makes me feel so happy that you gave this gift to me today.”
Natsume's smile faded as he took a deep breath and did the same. “I know the past couple of weeks have been TOUGH. Sora, is this your way of letting us know how you FEEL?”
Sora hesitated. He could feel the darkness all around him settle on his shoulders like a blanket. There was a time when it felt like only Sora could see the parts of the world that others wanted to ignore. His body tensed at the thought of once again being left behind, stuck in a place where he was left to navigate the murkiness of the world on his own. But his heart ached knowing that, now and forever, there would always be someone there to navigate all of life’s colors with him.
Sora had found partners who wanted nothing more than to see those parts with him. After all, both his Senpai and Shissou were now fully in the light. All Sora had to do was find the courage to trust them with everything he had. With tears in his eyes and a warm smile on his face, Sora slowly stepped forward and grabbed Natsume and Tsumugi’s free hands. Free of the darkness that enveloped the area, they could all now see each other clearly for the first time. This was it. Sora decided that, from now on, he was going to let all of his emotions show.
Sora smiled. “Can you see me? No matter what, Sora is right here. So don’t go anywhere without Sora, okay?”
