Chapter Text
The first time she activated her gift was in response to Ryujin’s death.
Sayeon had been staring at the hole in Ryujin’s forehead, watching her body fall like a puppet with no strings, wishing more than anything she could go back. Back to when Juni told her they weren’t going to the warehouses. She would have given up if she knew it was going to cost Ryujin her life.
“I’ll never kill anyone,” she had said to Samin. Only for her to stare at the body of someone whose death rested solely on her shoulders.
It was divine luck that her gift activated then.
Ryujin might not have been the first to notice, but she was the first to say something.
“By the way, you’re fucking weird, you know that?”
It shocked Sayeon. Weird? Was she? A little odd, certainly, but that came with being an undersocialized academic.
“The way you were scheming in that match… it’s just not normal behavior.”
Well. Being willing to make the ends justify the means shouldn’t be abnormal. Sayeon might have defended herself, because for some reason, she cared about Ryujin’s opinion of her. She wanted her approval — no, she wanted her trust. Maybe more than that.
Unbridled loyalty.
Min and Iseul seemed willing enough to follow her plans without much question. Why did Ryujin refuse?
Do you even know what I did for you? She wanted to ask. Would you like me more if I told you?
At the time, she had already exhausted her essence. She instead decided that whatever ends she got from Ryujin as a response wouldn’t have justified the means of coming clean about her gift.
Sayeon hated that Ryujin wouldn’t use her gift. She wanted to force her hand. She wanted to be the reason Ryujin decided to use her gift.
The first time she felt guilt was after she stomped on Ryujin’s hat.
“This cap seems awfully important to you. Was it a gift from someone you love?”
Ryujin, who at first burst with anger, then said, “But why?” Sayeon didn’t have a response. Ryujin's expression squeezed at her heart. “Why did you do that?”
It replayed in her head, over and over. The look on Ryujin’s face. It wasn’t supposed to matter, it wasn’t supposed to stay like that — she should have been able to rewind, to undo it, because of course Sayeon would never do something that horrible, it was supposed to be a different timeline—
Juni was telling the four of them something, but she wasn’t listening. She looked to the side at Ryujin, who seemed to feel Sayeon’s gaze, because their eyes met.
Sayeon quickly looked back to the front. Shame and guilt. She had finally placed the feelings in the pit of her stomach.
How could she say something so cruel to the person who awakened her gift? To the person whose death she cared about so deeply, it awoke the ability to turn back time? To the delinquent that reminded her of Jaeil, also unwilling to follow the rules? To one of her own team members, who seemed to be able to truly see Sayeon, for better or worse?
And that ability to see her, it unnerved Sayeon; she needed to control that variable, needed Ryujin to not care if she was lying, because she’d do whatever Sayeon asked anyway. Jaeil, who knew her before she was an Aberrant, would have trusted her. She needs all of them to trust her, of course, but maybe it was something deeper than that—
Really, Sayeon could spin it any number of ways. But it came down to How could I be so cruel?
How could I be like Samin?
Then, Ryujin was the first to realize — or at least, to say — what Sayeon’s true gift was. Sayeon could try to pretend the look on Ryujin’s face didn’t hurt a little bit.
“I’ve watched you die. I had to go back and get you.”
She meant for the tears to be part of her theater, but against her will, she realized they were genuine.
“So, your real gift is that you can see the future?” Ryujin asked. Then her eyes widened. “Or that you can go back—”
“Oh,” Sayeon said, and the sudden clearheadedness visibly shocked Ryujin. “I didn’t expect you to get it so quick. Let me try that again.”
And she snapped her fingers, taking it back before Ryujin can say anything.
It happened again. The two of them, alone on a scouting mission that Sayeon felt was a waste of time.
“I’m really impressed,” she said, holding her fingers up. Ryujin seemed to understand, in the split second before Sayeon’s fingers snapped, what Sayeon was about to do. Her mouth opened, her hands started to reach out, and then they were right back where they had been before Sayeon said anything.
Ryujin, by luck or some natural instinct, could see through Sayeon’s lies. She didn’t have control of that variable — yet. For now, the fact that Ryujin could see through her was for the worse.
It made Sayeon sick.
Ryujin refused to use her gift. Refused to even say what it was. Sayeon couldn’t gauge her strength. Wasn’t that her responsibility? To maximize her cell’s efficiency and ability?
It drove her insane. Min and Iseul seemed to have no issue following her lead. They weren’t so goddamn stubborn. Some nights, after Ryujin and Cell 3 went to sleep, Sayeon would lay there, staring at Ryujin’s face in the moonlight. As if she was trying to telepathically communicate to Ryujin that she should just listen to Sayeon.
Sayeon prided herself in her control over her emotions, but sometimes it got to her. Once, when they were jogging.
“I don’t get you.”
Ryujin laughed. “That makes two of us. I don’t get you, either.”
“What would it take for you to use your gift?” Sayeon asked, ignoring the jab. She figured a direct approach may be best at this point.
“A lot,” Ryujin said shortly. “Nothing you could accomplish.”
It felt like a challenge. “I can accomplish a lot.”
“Yeah, like getting us all to red ties?” Ryujin snorted. “We’ll see.”
“What if one of us was going to die unless you used your gift?”
The question made Ryujin stop running and stare hard at Sayeon. “And when would we end up in that scenario?” She asked, and she smirked. “Wouldn’t your instinct make sure that never happened? Or are you saying you might not have an ironclad plan all the time?”
Sayeon pursed her lips. Instead of replying, she snapped her fingers. They ran in silence.
Another time, they were sparring. Ryujin, at first, immediately sat down.
“I yield,” she said.
Sayeon almost stamped her foot in frustration like a toddler. She wanted to grab Ryujin by her shoulders and shake her until she was lobotomized by concussion, and would just do what Sayeon fucking wanted her to do.
“You can’t do that,” she said, even though it felt childish.
“Yes, I can, and I am,” Ryujin said, and she laid down. “You saved my life, once. I don’t owe you anything beyond that.”
“Your hat looks stupid.”
“Not doing this again,” Ryujin says, pulling the hat over her face like she was planning to nap right there on the pavement. “Your aura isn’t in it, either. Try something else.”
“Don’t you want to hit me?” Sayeon stood over Ryujin, but she didn’t touch the cap.
Ryujin moved it slightly to the side, so she could peek up at Sayeon. “Yeah,” Ryujin said. “But you also want me to hit you, so I’m not going to.”
It was true. Sayeon did want Ryujin to hit her. She kicked Ryujin’s side, but not very hard.
“Don’t you want to hit me back?”
Ryujin laughed. Laughed at her. “Nah.”
Sayeon snapped her fingers. She didn’t want something embarrassing like that exchange to be permanent.
Why couldn’t she just do what Sayeon wanted? She wanted to scream at Ryujin, to grab her by the throat, to strangle her until she had no other choice but to use her gift. But she didn’t. Ryujin could beat her in a fight with just essence, anyway.
Then, Ryujin was the first to mention the change in her behavior.
“What’s going on with you, Lee?”
Not Glasses. “…Pardon?”
“Ever since that day we went drinking. Now, it’s like… you’ve just been…”
“Been what?” Sayeon asked, poker faced.
“Nothing,” is the word Ryujin settled on. “You’ve been nothing. Lifeless. No outbursts, no psycho shit, going along with the Corps. It’s unnerving. I know you didn’t just… become normal.”
Sayeon just stared, which seemed to prompt Ryujin to keep going.
“It’s like your aura is… sick.” She waved her hand. “Decaying, almost.”
There was a brief pause, and then Sayeon’s face crumpled. “You wouldn’t understand. Nobody does. My best friend is missing. I think the Aberrant Corps killed him. My mother was Sara Lee. My sister is the leader of whatever the fuck the ‘Crimson Society’ is—”
“Sara Lee—?”
Sayeon stepped forward, and Ryujin stepped back. Sayeon took pleasure in it, slamming her hand on the wall behind Ryujin’s head. For once, she felt more powerful than Ryujin.
“So why are you still working for them?” Sayeon said in a high-pitched tone. “That’s what you’re going to say, right?”
Ryujin’s eyes narrowed. “Are you trying to pick a fight with me?”
Sayeon grinned. “Would you hit me if I was?”
That made Ryujin stop short. “You’re still on about that?”
“Would you hit me if I was?” Sayeon repeated, stepping even closer, trying to goad Ryujin. “When I stomped on your hat, honestly, the more I think about it, the more glad I am that you knocked my lights out. It feels like retribution. I wish you’d hit me again. I want to know your gift, and I want to know how strong it is. I can be your target. You’re the only person I can say this stuff to.”
“You’ve never said — what the fuck?” Ryujin looked alarmed. “Are you—?”
“I’m running out of time to go back,” Sayeon said, even though that wasn’t true, and she snapped her fingers.
Then, “Decaying, almost.”
Sayeon wondered for a moment how she wanted this one to go. “I’m grieving for my best friend. He was the only person in the world I felt like I’d be able to come clean to. You remind me a lot of him. Refusing to go along with what I say. Maybe that’s why I’m so obsessed with you.”
“Obsessed with me?” Ryujin wrinkled her nose. “What are you talking about?”
“You hate my guts,” Sayeon said, and she stepped forward again. She knew she was smiling in the crazy way she does, when she gets like this with Ryujin, but it wouldn’t matter in another 90 seconds. “So did he, at first. You were the catalyst for me discovering my gift, too. Maybe that’s why I can’t seem to get you out of my head.”
“What?” Ryujin asked, and this time she sounded truly incredulous. She was a little pink, too, which did something to Sayeon that she didn’t recognize. “Are you trying to pick a fight with me or something?”
Sayeon abruptly stepped back. “Not this time. I don’t have enough essence to do it again.”
Ryujin’s eyes followed Sayeon’s fingers as she held them up, activating her essence.
Maybe Ryujin would have realized Sayeon’s gift again — she seemed that perceptive — but her fingers snapped, and they were back to standing in front of the bathroom sinks.
“Decaying, almost.”
“Ah,” Sayeon said. She adjusted her glasses and gave Ryujin a small smile. “Sorry. I don’t know how to fix that.”
And then she walked past Ryujin, because she didn’t have any other excuses.
She really came for me.
Sayeon’s vision went black around the edges, but even unfocused, she could see Ryujin. Standing between her and death by Begonias.
I was counting on it, of course, but I really started to think I had miscalculated. She wondered if Ryujin would be forced to use her gift. She hoped that she looked close enough to death that Ryujin would feel as though she had no choice.
“Are you fucking dying?” Ryujin shouted over her shoulder. Normally, Sayeon would’ve said she didn’t need to be so loud. But her ears were ringing, so she appreciated the volume.
“No…?”
I’m so relieved I could die, though.
“Lee!”
Not Glasses. Sayeon thought she might have been smiling.
“Lee! Stay awake! Hey!”
Sayeon’s eyes fluttered shut. The last thing she remembered was an angel shouting her name.
Of course it was Ryujin who ripped her away from the Godling’s deal.
“Why did you wake me up?” Sayeon tried to keep her tone measured, but it came out angry and loud.
“You were crying in your sleep! I thought you were having a nightmare!” Ryujin said defensively. “Sheesh, next time I’ll let you sob all you want!”
This is humiliating. Sayeon tried to stop them, wiping her cheeks. At least it was just Ryujin, who had already seen her shatter, even if it was in timelines that don’t exist anymore.
“Never mind,” she said. “What happened to those guys from the Begonia Group?”
“Are you sure you want to go over this now?”
“Yes. I’m fine.” I need something else to think about.
“Well, they ran off.”
“They just… ran off?”
Ryujin flexed her jaw. “Yes. Which was lucky, because that bullshit you said about texting the others? Them being on their way? It’s really impressive that you made up a lie like that while blacking out.”
“Oh,” Sayeon said. “Thank you.”
Ryujin gave Sayeon the most confused and disgusted look. “It wasn’t a compliment. You put yourself — and me — in danger. You’re smart enough to know that.”
Sayeon didn’t respond to that one immediately. It was her plan, after all, wasn’t it? Put them both in so much danger Ryujin would use her gift? But once again, Ryujin had weaseled her way out of it. “I’m sorry.”
“Not even a rebuttal?” Ryujin looked up at the ceiling and dragged her hands down her face. “You really did get fucked up in there. God, I thought you might have actually kicked it.”
It felt familiar. Once again, Sayeon was laying on a hospital bed, and Ryujin was there for her when she woke up.
“Do you think I’m a bad person?” Sayeon asked quietly. “Or just a weak one?”
Ryujin did not answer immediately. For a moment, they sat there, Ryujin seemingly studying her, and Sayeon considered snapping back to before she asked.
“Well, it’s all relative, isn’t it?” Ryujin finally said. “From the Aberrant Corps’ perspective, you’re a perfect soldier made of dalgona and rainbows.”
Sayeon let herself fall back on her pillow. “Ha. Sure. I just lost horribly to two guys from the Begonia Group, and I have nothing to show for it.”
“Not nothing,” Ryujin said, and Sayeon saw her smirk. “I don’t know what the fuck you were doing before I got there, but they’ve collected proof in an evidence bag that you fought them off.”
“So we did get points?”
It wiped the smile off Ryujin’s face and she glared at her. “You almost fucking died and all you can think about is your red tie?”
“Our red ties,” Sayeon corrected her. She said, in her most determined voice, “I am going to get us all there. I swear it.”
Ryujin rolled her eyes and leaned back, putting her feet up on the edge of Sayeon’s bed. “You know something crazy, Glasses?” She let out a short laugh. “I really do believe you.”
It made Sayeon giddy. “You… trust me to do it?”
Ryujin squinted at her, like the phrasing is odd. “I… do,” she said hesitantly. A sigh. “Yeah. I guess I do.”
It’s not good enough. Sayeon wanted a yes, an absolutely, a with my life.
I’ll get it from you eventually, Sayeon thought to herself. I promise.