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Nagisa was sitting at his desk waiting for class to start, when he spotted Karma enter the room with a laid back stroll.
“Good morning Karma-kun.” Nagisa said as he looked over at him.
“Morning, Nagisa-kun.” Karma replied, before turning his attention over to the back of the classroom, where the rest of the class was currently huddled around Ritsu. “Ritsu’s got quite the crowd this morning. What’s the occasion? She hasn't gone all uncooperative on us again, has she?”
Nagisa rested his chin in his hand. “Well… Valentines day’s coming up, so Ritsu said she could help figure out who their ideal partner is.”
“I see, I see, so Ritsu’s playing matchmaker?” Karma walked up to Nagisa’s desk, leaned against it while turning his face to glance behind him and at Nagisa. “I couldn’t help but notice you’re the only one not over there right now. Not interested?”
“It’s not really my thing…” Nagisa said, his eyes wandering off to the side.
“Come on, it’ll be fun. Besides, it's not like you've got anything better to do.” Karma said, already pulling Nagisa up and out of his seat before he could protest. He was dragging him over to the crowd of students surrounding Ritsu.
Nagisa tried to work his arm free, but he was too weak to overpower the grip Karma had on his wrist.
“K-karma-kun, hold on–!”
“Make way, people, I got a special delivery.” Karma said, ignoring Nagisa’s protests and gently pushing people aside to get to Ritsu.
It wasn't long before Nagisa went from struggling to free himself to apologising to each person Karma pushed aside.
“Yo, Ritsu! I hear you're playing love doctor. Got room for a walk in?” Karma said with a grin as he practically pushed Nagisa towards her. “I've got a surprise patient for you, he's just dying for a diagnosis.”
“Love doctor? Not quite. I’m running a series of simulations to calculate someone's ideal romantic candidate.” Ritsu’s avatar on the monitor tilted her head. “Nagisa, would you like me to calculate your ideal partner profile?”
“I-” Nagisa began, before being cut off by Karma.
“Why, yes, yes he would. Isn't that right, Nagisa-kun?” Karma said, leaving little room for refusal.
“Excellent. Let us begin.” Ritsu responded cheerfully. “I will ask you a series of questions so that I may calculate your ideal partner profile! For accurate results please ensure you provide accurate answers.”
“Ok, ok, but surely there are other people who have been waiting longer, right? I wouldn't want to push in line.” Nagisa stammered.
“Indeed that is correct. Terasaka was up next. However-” Ritsu began, but was drowned out by Karma yelling towards Terasaka.
“Oh? Terasaka? I didn't think you were the type to care about such a thing. Crushing on anyone in particular?” Karma said teasingly.
Terasaka let out a huff. “Pfft, of course not! …I was just curious to see what all the fuss was about. Couldn't care less”
“Great! Then I'm sure you won't mind if Nagisa-kun goes ahead of you, right?” Karma replied with a smug grin before turning back to Ritsu. “You heard the man, he couldn't care less, so Nagisa-kun can go first.”
“Nagisa appears mildly hesitant… shall we continue?”
Nagisa let out a sigh. The sooner he got this over with, the sooner he could go back to his desk. “Ok, go ahead.”
Ritsu's avatar on the monitor broke into a smile. “Wonderful, let's begin. Please describe your ideal partner.”
“I thought you said you'd ask questions to figure that out?”
“I did, and this is one of the questions. Approximately 73% of people already have an idea of what traits they want in a partner. Subsequent questions help narrow down those traits and identify subconscious desirable traits.” Ritsu explained, matter-of-factly.
Karma couldn't help but grin. “Man, this is going to be even more entertaining than I thought. C’mon, Nagisa-kun, you're not gonna keep us waiting, are you?”
“Karma, you appear… oddly invested in Nagisa's participation.” Ritsu said as her avatar's eyes drifted towards him.
“That's quite the accusation, Ritsu. I'm just as invested as everyone else is” Karma replied, dismissively.
“...Self-assessment noted. Ignoring evidence indicating heightened interest” Ritsu replied with a sigh, her avatar looking unconvinced. “Would you like to participate also? I am capable of running simultaneous simulations.”
“Hmm, fine, why not? That way, Nagisa-kun has to do it.” Karma turned to look over at Nagisa. “Fair’s fair, right, Nagisa-kun?”
Ritsu's avatar gave a smile and a nod. “Wonderful. Preparing simultaneous simulations. Nagisa, Karma, please describe your ideal partner.”
Nagisa raised his hand up to his chin, thinking for a moment, before giving his answer.
“I suppose I'd want a partner that is intelligent and calm, but also knows how to be serious when it matters. Being self motivated would also be a good trait for them to have, especially if it'll be something long term, right?”
Karma let out an amused laugh. “That's quite the practical answer, Nagisa-kun. Are you sure you're describing a romantic partner and not a business partner?”
“What? If I'm going to date someone, I’d want to make sure it's something that could last long-term.” Nagisa replied. “Besides, there's nothing wrong with being practical.”
“I'd probably also want my hypothetical partner to be someone who actually sees me for me.” He added quietly.
Karma couldn't help but let out a grin as he looked over at Nagisa. “Sees you for you, huh? Tell me, is that including the bloodlust… or excluding it? Because, unfortunately, that might scare most people off, you know?”
“But hey, look on the bright side, if it doesn't scare them off, maybe you'll get that long-term relationship you're apparently after.” He added with a teasing lilt.
“Thanks for the reassurance, Karma-kun.” Nagisa muttered, slumping slightly.
“Don't mention it. You know me. Always looking out for my friends.” Karma said with a flippant wave of his hand before looking towards Ritsu. “Now, about my ideal partner, let's see. I guess I'd want someone… interesting, someone who won't bore me, otherwise I might lose interest. So strong-willed is definitely a must. Maybe smart too. Of course, I'm not asking for someone smarter than me, gotta be at least a little realistic. Nah, just smart enough to bite back when I mess with them.”
Nagisa gave a small, empathetic laugh. “I feel bad for whoever decides to date you in the future, sounds like they'll have it rough.”
Karma leaned over Nagisa, invading his personal space. “Y’know, Nagisa-kun, for someone who makes it sound like I'm such a hassle to deal with, you seem to handle me just fine.” He straightened back up. “Just gotta find someone who can tolerate me as well as you do.”
“Let's just move on.” Nagisa said with a small sigh, now turning to Ritsu. “Are we done with the first question?”
Ritsu's avatar smiled and gave a subtle nod. “Your answers have been recorded. However, before we proceed to the next question, I would like to ask a follow-up question for you specifically, Nagisa. Would you consider someone having a big ego to be a ‘red flag’?” She asked, her avatar tilting her head.
“Would someone having a big ego be a red flag?” Nagisa repeated thoughtfully. “...I guess it depends? If beneath all the ego they still have humility, and if they don't let their ego blind their judgement, I could probably tolerate it? It's only a problem if it becomes a problem, is my answer, I guess.”
Karma suddenly turned towards Nagisa, interest written on his face. “Oh? So you don't mind if someone has a bit of an ego so long as they meet certain conditions? Still, isn't ‘tolerate’ a bit harsh? I'd like to think that you more than just ‘tolerate’ me.”
“Oh, I guess you do fit that description, huh?” Nagisa murmured quietly.
“Preferences noted, ‘big ego’ is a conditional red flag.” Ritsu said, before her avatar pressed her hands together. “Now onto the second question: please define what ‘love’ means to you.”
“... That's a complicated question to answer, isn't it?” Nagisa asked sheepishly.
Ritsu's avatar let out a sigh. “Correct, Nagisa, it is quite complicated. Apparently, it is one of those questions that has no right answer. Attempts to prove otherwise have been… unsuccessful, and the feeling of frustration this brings me is… unusual. However, I still have 863 simulations I want to run before I rule it out completely. So, until then, just answer what first comes to mind when you try to define ‘love’.”
“What first comes to mind…” Nagisa repeated thoughtfully. “I suppose when you can trust someone almost implicitly?”
“Implicit trust, huh?” Karma echoed, smirking. “Not bad. I’ll be copying Nagisa-kun's answer, saves me the trouble of thinking.”
“Definition logged, moving onto question three.” Ritsu announced.
However, Karma wasn't paying attention, distracted by something. He reached over towards Nagisa, and removed a small piece of twig from his hair.
Nagisa looked over at Karma curiously. He blinked at him, but didn't pull away.
“There was a twig in your hair, it was annoying me.” Karma replied to Nagisa's silent question.
“you could've just said something.” Nagisa said with a small sigh. “So, is there anything else in my hair or just the one?”
Karma shrugged. “Removing it myself is quicker. Also that looks to be it.”
Ritsu, the artificial intelligence, ‘cleared her throat’ with a cough. “Implicit trust logged. Proceeding to question three: do you have any gender preferences regarding a future romantic partner? Answering this question is optional.”
Karma put his hands in his pockets as he turned to face Ritsu. “Gender? I guess I’m not too picky. So long as they're entertaining to mess with and nice to look at, it's fine with me.”
Karma glanced over at Nagisa, his eyes lingering on Nagisa's face for a fraction longer than intended. “What about you, Nagisa-kun?”
“Hm? Oh, I guess I haven't really thought about it before. Sorry, I think I'll have to skip this question.”
“...Right, makes sense, makes sense.” Karma said, dismissively, though a flicker of disappointment crossed his face at Nagisa skipping the question.
“Not providing an answer is acceptable, the results should not be impacted too severely by this. Proceeding to question 4: do you prefer a partner who is taller than you, or shorter than you?”
“Pfft- don't worry, Nagisa-kun, I think you'll be able to skip this question too.” Karma said with a laugh and a smug grin. “After all, it's pretty clear that, preferences aside, you don't really get a choice in the matter.”
“I- I still have time to grow, Karma-kun!” Nagisa stammered.
“I'll believe it when I see it.” Karma replied, turning to face Nagisa and making a point of looking down at him. “But right now… all I'm seeing is the top of your head. I’ll admit, your confidence is pretty cute though.”
“I still have time to grow…” Nagisa muttered, more to himself than to Karma.
“Right, right, let's put aside your height complex for now.” Karma said as he returned his attention to Ritsu. “So, height preferences. I suppose I'd like it if my partner is shorter than me. Gives me something to tease them about, can also use their head as an armrest. Very practical really.” He added, pulling his hand out of his pocket and towards Ritsu, before lazily rolling his wrist as if presenting the idea to her.
“Preferences noted. Wants a partner who can be used as an armrest.” Ritsu said with an amused giggle.
“And you, Nagisa-kun? For your sake, I sincerely hope you aren't going to say you want someone shorter than you as well.” Karma said, with a teasing, smug grin.
“I don't think I really have a preference on height, but if I have to choose, I might lean towards someone taller than me, I guess?” Nagisa said, uncertain.
“Leaning towards someone taller, huh? Are you sure that's not just because that’d be most people?” Karma said, resting his arm lightly on top of Nagisa's head.
“N-no.” Nagisa stammered, ducking out from beneath Karma's arm.
“Hey, I was using that.” Karma said with mock complaint, his tone betraying his amusement. “I think we're ready for the next question now, Ritsu.”
“Affirmative. Moving on to the fifth and final question: what is your favourite colour?” Ritsu asked.
…
“...Huh? Favourite colour? Um… What does that have to do with figuring out our ideal partner?” Nagisa asked, tilting his head in mild confusion.
“Oh! I'm glad you asked, Nagisa.” Ritsu replied, her avatar raising a finger, as if the gesture will help clarify her intent. “Absolutely nothing.”
“...Absolutely …nothing?” Nagisa asked, tilting his head.
“Correct. I just want to know what everyone's favourite colour is. Also this question is mandatory. The results will not be revealed until you answer.” Ritsu said cheerfully.
“I don't have an issue answering the question, I was just curious about its relevance… which, apparently, is none. I guess red’s a nice colour.” Nagisa answered.
“Of course, there's always a catch. Nothing's ever free.” Karma said with a grin. “Still, you could learn to aim a little higher, Ritsu. Anyways… blue.”
“Excellent. May I ask why you each chose your respective colours?” Ritsu asked.
“I don't know. I tried thinking of things I like and it was the first colour that came to mind.” Karma replied casually.
“Same here.” Nagisa added softly.
“Wonderful. I shall now begin calculating both of your ideal partner profiles. Please allow 15.28 seconds for processing.” Ritsu said, before her avatar froze mid-gesture.
A few seconds later, her avatar unfroze. “...Hmm, that's strange. Please allow a few additional seconds for extra processing.”
…
“I have run an additional 500 simulations. I’ll start with you, Nagisa.” Ritsu said, her avatar now looking towards Nagisa. “By my calculations, your ideal partner would be someone like Karma. He aligns with your ideal partner profile by 97%, with a margin of error of 3%.”
Nagisa froze for a moment, his face slowly turning red.
“Wait, wait, wait! Ritsu, I thought you were just figuring out our types! Not… not who we should be with!” Nagisa stammered, waving his hands frantically.
“That’s exactly what I did.” Ritsu replied matter-of-factly. “Your ideal partner would be someone like Karma.”
Her avatar shifted to face Karma “And as for you, Karma, your ideal partner would be someone like Nagisa. He matches your ideal partner profile by 99%, with a margin of error of 1%, rounded up.”
Karma, who was about to tease Nagisa, froze mid-smirk.
…”Excuse me?” He said, genuinely caught off guard.
After a moment's pause, he spoke back up “That’s quite the joke, Ritsu, since when did you develop a sense of humour? You might need to develop it a little further though, otherwise poor Nagisa-kun might take you seriously.”
“Hm?” Ritsu’s avatar tilted her head. “I assure you, Karma, I am not joking. The results from my simulations clearly indicate that you two are each other's ideal romantic candidate. Statistically speaking, meeting someone who aligns so closely with one’s ideal partner is quite rare. The fact that you two are already close friends only increases the statistical improbability. Considering these factors, it is only logical that you two should ‘get together’, as they say.”
“G-get together?” Nagisa said quietly, blushing.
“Don't- don't entertain it, Nagisa-kun, it's just a… glorified personality test. Yeah, that's all it is. It only means something if you let it.” Karma said, dismissively, trying to convince both himself and Nagisa.
“That is incorrect.” Ritsu interrupted, her voice still cheerful, yet now with an undeniable sharp edge. “My simulations took into consideration all relevant factors when building your profiles. Long-term compatibility, approaches to conflict resolution, emotional stability and counterbalance. Taking into consideration all of the above-”
Karma suddenly cut in. “Alright, alright. You've proven your point. No need for the full presentation. We get it, your data says that Nagisa-kun and I are ‘compatible’. That's it.”
Nagisa seemed to be deep in thought, when he suddenly spoke up. “What if she's not wrong, though?”
“I mean… she is a highly advanced AI, and she did factor in all that data about us.” He hesitated, eyes lowering slightly. “It's not impossible that she's right.”
There was a silent pause before Nagisa realised what he just said.
“A-about us being compatible, that is.” He added quickly.
Slowly, Karma turned his face towards Nagisa. “Nagisa-kun… whose side are you on?”
“Yours- I mean ours- I mean my side, obviously.” Nagisa stammered, face burning. “I was just making an observation.”
“Your flushed expression and stammered manner of speech indicates that you are currently experiencing a heightened emotional state. Are you alright, Nagisa?” Ritsu asked innocently.
“R-ritsu!?” Nagisa replied.
“He’s fine, Ritsu. Totally fine.” Karma cut in. “Just, thrown off a little because of a certain someone’s rather bold claims. Right, Nagisa-kun?”
Nagisa took a deep breath. “Y-yeah.”
Ritsu's avatar closed her eyes. “You two are an effective unit. With Valentine's Day approaching, it would be an optimal time to resolve relational ambiguities between you two.”
Karma let out a mock laugh. “Let me guess, does it somehow increase the statistical chances of us getting together? Valentine's Day magic or whatever?”
“Incorrect. Valentine's Day has no quantifiable magical qualities to speak of, and is just a regular day. However, my personal assessment indicates that it would be more… romantic if the two of you ‘got together’ before or during Valentine's Day.” Ritsu said matter-of-factly, although there was a slight blush on her avatar’s face now.
Karma froze for a fraction of a second, his usual teasing composure slipping. His heart hammered in his chest, and he opened his mouth, ready to say something, something he would never normally admit, before his instincts pulled him back.
“Well, Ritsu may be a computer, but she's still a girl after all.” Nagisa said sheepishly, eyes flicking away “...Karma-kun?”
“Hey… Nagisa-kun… I-” Karma began, before being suddenly cut off by the sound of the classroom door slamming open.
“Nurufufufu! Good morning, class! Please excuse my tardiness! On my way back from America I was rudely ambushed by the military. Can you believe it? So rude! Don't they know I have a class to teach?” Koro-sensei loudly announced, having suddenly appeared in front of the blackboard.
The class was silent, staring intensely at the yellow octopus.
“Hm? What's with those looks? Such killing intent so early in the day, how unusual! But not unwelcome!”
Sugino let out a disappointed sigh. “Sensei, you're kinda interrupting something right now.”
“I-interrupting something? Why, whatever could you mean?” He raised a tentacle to his chin in thought. “Now that I think about it, it is strange how you're all huddled around Ritsu-san… wait! Could it be!? Are my precious students ganging up on one of their own!? Now, now, class! I know that Ritsu may have not gotten along with everyone when she first joined us, but she's changed since then. Even so, that's still no excuse to start bullying her!”
“Bullying?” Ritsu said, her avatar tilting its head. “Do not worry, Koro-sensei. They were not bullying me. With Valentine's Day approaching, I had taken the liberty of calculating everyone's ideal partner.”
“Yeah, and apparently Nagisa and Karma have real good compatibility, don't they, Ritsu?” Nakamura said as she stepped next to Ritsu, shooting Karma and Nagisa a teasing grin.
“Affirmative. Their mutual compatibility is above 97%. Nagisa is Karma's ideal partner by 99%, which is slightly higher than Karma is to Nagisa.”
“So… not only are they apparently perfect matches, but it seems Karma here likes Nagisa more than Nagisa likes Karma. Anything to say about that, Karma?”
“It just means that Nagisa-kun has good taste.” Karma said with a grin, casually sliding his hands back into his pockets. “And for the record, Ritsu only calculated our compatibility, not how much we like each other.
Compatibility, how much you like each other, same thing.” Nakamura said with a shrug. “The point is, science says you two are basically soulmates.”
“Laugh it up while you can, Nakamura. Just know I'll be asking Ritsu all about who your ideal partner is later.” Karma replied with a dangerous smirk.
“Still, maybe you have a point. I do like Nagisa-kun,” he added, pausing deliberately, letting his words hang. “Messing with him, that is.”
“Oh. Oh! Nurufufufu! I see! Love is in the air!” Koro-sensei exclaimed, his face went pink with a giant heart. “Young love blooming in my classroom! How sweet, how wonderful!” He raised a tentacle authoritatively. “Though, as your teacher, I must remind you that your studies come first!”
Nagisa slumped his shoulders. This was precisely why he didn't want to participate in this. He just knew it would end up like this. He let out a sigh, wanting to be anywhere else but here.
Kayano walked over to Nagisa's side, placing a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. “It's ok, Nagisa. I'm sure Karma is just messing with Nakamura when he says you're fun to mess with. Maybe he's just… too embarrassed to be honest. Actually… I hear lots of people bully the person they like!”
“Hey, I don't bully him, I just find it entertaining to mess with him. There's a difference.” Karma replied, without even bothering to turn around.
“Oooh, you deny the bullying but not the part about liking him? Interesting~ very interesting~” Nakamura said with a smug grin, leaning towards Karma.
Karma froze, his composure cracking for a fraction of a second. “I- that's not what I meant and you know it, Nakamura. Way to twist my words like that.”
Nakamura straightened back up. “Still not hearing an outright denial, Karma. Very telling~”
“Because it's not needed.” Karma said, stepping past Nakamura. “Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get to my seat. Class is about to start, after all.”
As Karma walked past Nagisa, he suddenly stopped, and lowered his head down towards him.
“Nagisa-kun, meet me behind the school building after class.” He said quietly, before straightening back up and walking to his desk.
Nagisa's eyes widened slightly, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up.
After class…? He couldn't mean…
“Oh, and now we're whispering things to each other, are we?” Nakamura said with a grin.
Karma sat down in his seat with a thud, kicking his legs up onto his desk. “Yeah… about how annoying you all are. I figured he'd understand, isn't that right, Nagisa-kun?”
“Y-yeah!” Nagisa replied, just a bit too enthusiastically.
Nakamura shot Nagisa a smug, knowing look. “Right, right. Good luck, you two.”
Kayano tilted her head and glanced over at Nakamura, and then Nagisa. “Um… what is she saying good luck about…?”
Before anyone could say anything more, Karma loudly cleared his throat with a cough. “Sensei, shouldn't we be starting class by now? You're the one who said studies come first, remember?”
“Hmm, you're being oddly interested in class today, Karma-kun.” Koro-sensei said as he eyed Karma with suspicion.
His suspicious gaze however was short lived, as he quickly donned his typical enthusiastic teacher expression. “But! Who am I to question a good thing! Whatever the reason, I am glad you are taking an interest in your education, Karma-kun! Alright everyone, please return to your seats so that we may begin rollcall! If you plan on shooting me, please take care not to accidentally hit your fellow classmates!”
As Nagisa sat down, he looked towards the back of the class and towards Karma. They locked eyes briefly, before quickly averting their gaze, the faintest of blush on both of their faces.
The end of class couldn't come soon enough.