Chapter Text
Seeing his people celebrate the return home was filling the grandmaster’s heart with both gratitude and pride. He was fully aware of the sacrifices each individual had made in order to be stationed in Nod-Krai for so long. Maybe that’s why he took on the role of being the sober and responsible one for the night, listening with a clear mind and an aching heart to his knights talk about partners, homes, and lives they had left behind. In a few days they would start their journey back to all of those things.
As loud and merry as the Knights of Favonius camp was getting late into the night, Varka needed a bit of silence. He was the outgoing and outspoken type, yet he shared the same longing and sadness each knight was recounting in different words.
From the seat at the empty table where he could see the entire camp with the bonfire in the middle and the people singing and drinking around, Varka’s ears were deafened to the noise and his eyes unfocused, staring blankly into empty space. In his hand, a pen he kept fidgeting with ever since he sat down and in front of him an empty piece of paper.
He would write a letter to Jean, the acting grandmaster in his stead, to let her know the expedition was finally coming to an end. Yet, he decided he would do that tomorrow. Right now, though, his fingers ached to fill the paper in front of him with different words. So he began writing.
“My love,
I’m coming home. Initially, I wanted to keep it a surprise but I found myself unable to. Ever since the events in Nod-Krai have come to a conclusion and I decided it was time to wrap this expedition up I haven’t been able to think about anything else other than you. Don’t get me wrong, you’re always on my mind. However, I am able to do my job usually, unlike the state I find myself in these days. I feel both excited and irritated for some reason. Impatient. It hasn’t been long since your last visit, I know, but a visit is still a visit and this camp is nowhere near as welcoming as our quiet and warm home.
I want to see all the trinkets you bought during your trip to Inazuma. I want to waste my days listening to all the stories you didn’t have the time to tell during your visits. I want to go through your scrapbook of dried pressed flowers, see the living room furniture you assembled on your own last spring. Maybe you could also teach me some calligraphy skills you picked up and finally improve the way my signature looks (I still don’t see anything wrong with it but if you insist I suppose it needs some shaping…)
I could go on about all the things I want to catch up with but I’m afraid we’re short on paper at the camp, so I’ll try to squeeze and fit the rest of my letter on the other side of this piece. After all, the only thing I truly wish for is a few weeks of you and me locked inside our home with no one else to disturb us. (maybe you could convince Jean, she can keep the role a few weeks more). I want to see only you, hear only you, smell only you, feel only you. I was even thinking of sending Diluc as an envoy to the Fontaine administration with an absurd amount of wine as a gift (though I still have to come up with a convincing reason) just so the celebration of our return would be postponed a couple of weeks due to lack of booze. Maybe you’ll come up with a better excuse, since you’ve always been better at sneaking around than me.
When I first embarked on this journey I couldn’t understand why you were so eager to travel as much as you did the past year. After all, my girl is a homebody adventurer (hahaha, even after all these years this nickname of yours is still funny). Why would she go to every corner of the world just for fun when she’s got books, swords and friends within an arm’s reach in Mondstadt? Well, I think I understand now. You never wanted to say the words to me so I wouldn’t feel guilty. Home is not home without me there. But I know now, because I feel the same. You know me, I’m always out and about, meddling in people’s businesses, fighting some, befriending others. At the end of the day though my tent is still empty and quiet. I’ve never told you before, but the first few nights after you left I much preferred the night watch to your absence. I guess I’d rather not sleep at all than without you in my arms. Don’t worry, I did catch up on sleep eventually. I miss you so much I have to let it out through words on paper like this. I hoped it would ease the strain on my chest even in the slightest but it only made it worse. Now that we are finally returning, I don’t even understand how I was able to live without you for so long. Sure, you visited but… It’s never the same.
Tonight we are celebrating the return home. Everyone shared stories of home and people they hold dear. I had to take a step back and come here to write this letter to you because their stories only made your absence unbearable. I miss leaving you asleep when I go to morning instruction and coming back with breakfast for both of us. I miss your warmth, your touch, your patience. I miss ending the day with a terrible headache (can you believe that??) and laying my head on your lap as you play with your fingers in my hair and convince me it’s better to have tea rather than booze before sleep. (by the way we are also running out of dandelion wine)
You would reprimand me for acting like a spoiled whiny brat since you’ve just been here only a few weeks ago, though I know you feel just the same as I do. But what I miss even more is not having to sneak around all the time. I miss holding you for no reason. Caressing your skin just so you know I’m there. Telling you how beautiful you are. Of course, I would do these things in front of other people too, though I know you do not feel as comfortable, and to some extent I understand. I just like to show off I suppose. Not to mention, the tents are also thin and you can get quite loud (yes, yes, me too, don’t get mad). It is not the cosiest of places and quite cold sometimes. I can’t remember the last time we had the chance to lose track of time together. I always rush (and you’re quite desperate sometimes, can’t deny it) but I miss the slow and gentle sex we used to have before in the quiet of our home. You’d think that after being away from you I’ll find it somewhat hard to control myself and I apologize if you’d rather have it that way (I had no idea Yae Publishing House sells such lewd books you read). You know I’ll always give you anything you ask for. But after you left last time I realized we’ve been fucking like bunnies, rushed in any corner we could find. I like that quite a lot, don’t roll your eyes at me. Yet I feel like I haven’t made love to you in quite a while. Yes, I think this is what I wanted to say with all these clumsy words, jumping from one topic to the other, gathering my scrambled thoughts. I want to make love to my wife.
I hope you didn’t tell anyone we got married at the edge of the world with a moonchanter officiating the union and the honorary knight as your flower girl. I want to see the people’s faces when I tell them Barbatos himself summoned a wind so warm and sweet it made the trees at the Frost Moon Scions glitter in the moonlight like stars just for my bride. Seamus insists we have a ceremony at home too though I don’t really know what to say about it. I think what we had here is more meaningful, yet with my status and the blasphemy accusations he throws at me sometimes… I always brush him off but if you want a wedding in Mondstadt too we’ll have one. I’d marry you in every nation if you wished for it.
I’m running out of paper so I won’t tell you when exactly we’ll depart so you won’t be able to predict the places we might be reaching on a certain time of day. I know you won’t be able to stay still and patiently wait for your husband to come home. You’ll start the journey on your own, eager to surprise me halfway. Well, my dearest, I shall surprise you this time around. I’ll march at the back of the group as always, though I’m sending the people in waves so you’ll have to wait a little more for me. Take care.
Your husband,
Varka
(I love the way it sounds, why didn’t we get married sooner??)
P.S. If you just wait at Wangshu Inn to see us arrive from a distance you’re not surprising me. It’s cheating. I win.