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Ten missed his old life. He missed his friends, his old apartment, his roommates, and the world outside there. He missed it so much that ten felt like he could go insane in every minute he thought about it.
It has been a year, and ten couldn't help but felt impress over himself because he's still sane despite of the crazy situation he's going through.
It has been a year, and ten was still inside of this place johnny called home, but ten called a cage. A hell.
Johnny Seo, the guy ten loved with his full heart, the guy ten thought was a gentleman, the guy everybody called a perfect, is actually a fucking monster.
"no ten you don't understand, i'm doing this because i love you,"
That one magical sentence that always lingered around inside of ten's head, — johnny always said that everytime ten asked why?
"yes i can't and will never understand you!"
If ten was lucky, johnny will only slap him hard on the face to shut his mouth from spitting more hurtful words toward the older.
But usually he wasn't that lucky.
There was one time when ten said something he shouldn't, something that made johnny totally lost it. He still clearly remembered how johnny fisted his shirt and threw him across the kitchen, making the smaller boy landed against the kitchen counter with a loud and painful thud. Things that were placed neatly on the kitchen counter scattered messily to the floor. Ten honestly thought that was the end of his life, as he could feel every part of his back cracking. A bone-crunching sound penatrated the silence, followed by his loud wail of cries when he felt the pain piercing through his skin, making the younger felt like he's dying right then and there. But thankfully, he didn't.
It hurts alot but what hurts the most was his heart.
Ten loved johnny, alot actually. Even after what he'd done to ten. If he could be honest to voice out his opinion, what johnny did wasn't something ten could forgive. Didn't even stand a second chance but ten was an idiot and he admit that. He's so angry with himself because he still love that monster even after what johnny did — changing ten's entire life.
It has been a year, ten live a life that he thought wasn't worth anymore.
He lived like a doll, been treated like a doll, like a toy, like a pet.
Sometimes he wanted to shout at johnny's face and tell the older that he's also a human that has heart and feelings.
But he couldn't. Even to just voice out things he wants, it was banned.
Johnny locked ten inside of his condo for a year already. The thai boy never stepped out from the house for the whole year, that he probably already forget how the sunny afternoon and breezy evening feels like.
He was known as an outdoor person back then when he was still in highschool. Only the weak loves staying indoor — ten stick with this logic until the day johnny snatched all the freedom in his life.
Ten was supposed to be mad at johnny, he should scream, yell, swears at the older but he never really did all that. True, that sometimes he exploded but not to the point he crossed the line johnny had set.
Sometimes he just sat there and cried silently over his pitiful fate, forcing himself to bite back his whimpers.
Ten couldn't stop questioning himself what sin he did in the past that he had to go through this, to have the one he loves doing this to him. It hurts alot.
As time flies, ten tried his best to understand why johnny did all this. Why johnny cut all of ten's ties with his friends, cut his social life, took his phone away, cut his freedom, kept him away from everyone, from the society, — ten tried to understand these but he couldn't.
"i don't want anybody to get near with you, not even sparing a glance at you because you're mine and only for me."
Ten was so tired arguing with johnny everyday about why why and why. He'd never get an answer that made sense enough for him to brain all these. Ten already gave up and didn't want to throw any questions anymore because it will lead to a fight and their arguments always ended up with ten getting bruises all over his face, and body. Fresh scars and wounds made its way onto his skin everytime.
It hurts alot that sometimes ten thought he's so closed in losing his sanity.
At the end, ten finally gave in and let himself get treated like a lifeless doll.
Everyday johnny would wake him up, shower him, wear him clothes, comb his hair neatly, feed him, and ten couldn't do anything more than just stayed there motionless, like a doll.
That's the first time ten felt so worthless.
Ten's eyes peeled themselves opened, waking up from his nap. The boy's gaze searched for the clock, to see what time was it.
12:30 AM.
Oh shit. It was supposed to be a short nap but he overslept. Ten groaned as he rubbed his face, realising he's gonna be wide awake till hours later.
Ten spent few minutes sprawling on his bed, staring on the white ceiling thinking about nothing. It was midnight now and johnny was supposed to be sleeping beside him at the moment or atleast wake him up when he arrived home from work but the older was nowhere to be seen.
Ten finally get out from his bed, making his way outside to the living room.
There he was, the guy that snatched all the freedom in ten's life. The said man was curling up on the couch, still in his work outfit - button up white shirt with loose tie around his collar and his wrinkled slack. Looking totally worned out.
Ten made his way to the couch, crouching down to be on the same level with johnny's face.
The younger examined his boyfriend's face, his stunning features, that looked so peaceful, so relaxed, so gentle, so innocent.
Ten let his index finger traced johnny's sleeping face, — from his eyebrows down to his pointy nose and ten stopped when his finger reached johnny's plump lips.
"even after what you've done to me," ten traced johnny's lips gently, "you still manage to make me love you," ten whispered, tears were brimming in his eyes.
you're so pathetic and dumb, ten!
There's an ugly voice was screaming the thought over and over again inside of ten's head and he honestly thought he's gone nuts.
leave him.
The voice whispered, it echoes inside of ten's head, haunting him for a moment, "no i can't.." ten's voice cracked at the end. He hastily wiped his tears that seemed to fall continuously.
Ten hugged his knees, resting his chin on top of his knees. The crying boy closed his eyes, biting his lower lip hard, — trying his best to suppress his sob that's threatening to slip out.
Johnny heard and felt everything. He just watched silently as the younger cried, looking just as broken as how the glass shattered into pieces when it falls to the ground.
It hurts a little bit to see ten cried because of him. Honestly, it was insane how he could feel like that when he hurt the smaller almost everyday.
Johnny stretched out his hand, gently caressing ten's hair and he could feel ten tensed up under his touch. Ten opened his eyes and quickly wiped his tears using his long sleeve.
"I'm sorry." Johnny said half-whispered, voice hoarse and rough.
Ten wanted to say "its okay," or atleast shook his head to deny any insecurities from johnny but that's ridiculous because everything wasn't okay. He stayed silent and motionless, locking gaze with the man infront of him. Ten swore he caught a glimpse of affection mixed with guilty in johnny's eyes.
But johnny's sorry never bring the situation any better even though the older meant it.
Johnny wiped ten's tears that seemed to continue trickling down his pretty face, before he straightened the younger's bangs.
"I love you too. Alot."
Ten always said to himself that he wouldn't forgive johnny over everything he'd done. Lies.
At the end of the day, ten would forgive johnny.
At the end of the day, johnny would envelope ten into a loving hug and tell the smaller how much he loved him, how much he's scared of losing ten, as johnny held him close like his life depending on it.
At the end of the day, ten would drop and forget about everything the taller had done to him because ten loved johnny. Alot.
Love is scary.