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It had been a pleasant day. I’d woken up on time, finished my missions early, and submitted the bare minimum of required paperwork Jenna had assigned to me. Still, I sighed contentedly as I sank into my freshly made bed as if I’d survived a grueling day.
I scrolled aimlessly on my phone, refreshing the feed in hopes of seeing Xavier post something. However, I knew it was futile as the elusive Hunter rarely used social media. I had to steal his phone and add my account as a friend since he seemed reluctant to do it on his own. His updates were sparse and clipped, but I reread each one anyway, imagining his expression, the way his fingers must have moved across the screen of his phone. There were no pictures of him I could stare at, his profile picture set to an image of a sleeping moon. I combed through my photo album, staring at one picture where I managed to catch a bit of his bare elbow in frame. Eventually, I sighed and set my phone aside.
I had been partnered with Xavier for several months now, and it was obvious I had an intense, one-sided infatuation with my gorgeous colleague. We had several missions where we spent every waking moment and night together, and that childish infatuation had deepened into something dangerously close to a real connection.
I found he was surprisingly funny, although I think he didn’t always mean to be, goofy yet calm, and possessed an unshakeable sense of devotion to his duty that continuously inspired me. And beyond his obvious beauty, the most alluring thing about him was how he lightened my burdens without being asked. He always made sure I was safe and comfortable, sometimes at his own expense.
It had been nice to be cared for, even if he only saw me as a colleague, and I found myself continuously thinking about him when we were apart. Especially at night when I missed falling asleep to the sound of his steady, deep breathing as I had done this past week when we were tracking a dangerous wanderer through a No-Hunt zone. I clutched the pillow to my chest, trying to dull the slight ache I felt there.
To distract myself, I checked my Hunter’s watch. After a moment’s hesitation, I pulled up Xavier’s vitals.
My eyebrows furrowed when I read the number of his heartrate: 130 bpm.
I had teased him endlessly about his unnaturally low heart rate, which usually sat around 40 bpm. The number I was reading was definitely cause for concern. His location showed he was in his apartment.
Was he hurt? Under attack? I moved before I could think, grabbing my Hunter’s weapon from my nightstand and running out my apartment to his door.
I raised my fist to knock, hesitated, and then decided to open the door with the fingerprint reader he had installed to let me in his place. If there was an attacker, I reasoned that it would be better to have the element of surprise.
Xavier’s apartment was dark, silent. I slipped in, heading to the hallway to his bedroom.
Then I heard soft grunts, low and strained, from his bedroom. My heart slammed painfully against my ribs, pain twisting in my stomach as I imagined him being hurt.
Gritting my teeth and keeping my composure, I drew my weapon and stalked silently to the entrance of his bedroom, keeping my back against the wall.
Then, I heard him say my name, his tone reverent.
I froze. He didn’t sound like he was in pain.
“Need to be inside of you,” Xavier continued, his voice a hoarse, pained whisper. “Please, need to fuck you finally, can’t wait anymore. Miss you so much.”
Aside from his low voice, I heard something else, the sound of rhythmic friction.
I peeked my head from the edge of the door.
Xavier was on his side facing me, dressed from the waist up in his usual white hoodie, with his face buried in a pillow clutched to his torso. From the waist down, however…
The sight of his pink cock as he thrust desperately into the pillow in his arms made me gasp, nearly dropping my weapon.
Xavier’s head snapped up, his expression wrecked.
We stared at each other for a few tense moments.
“Fuck, I’m sorry-“
“I’m sorry, I thought you were being attacked-“
We spoke at the same time.
Xavier’s face flushed a deep, consuming red and I was certain mine matched it. He pressed the pillow into his lap as if he could hide what I’d already seen. His hands were shaking. Despite myself, I looked at him more closely and saw something that sent thrills up my spine.
The pillow he held tightly in his arms was encased in something familiar, something I thought I’d lost in our last mission.
“Did you steal my shirt?” My voice was high and trembling.
“Wait, I can explain, I-“ He scrambled upright, clutching the shirt-wrapped pillow over himself. He paused to breathe, the sound unsteady.
“Yes.” His voice was quiet. “I shouldn’t have. It is inappropriate.”
The shame was bald in his voice, and something about it hurt more than it should have.
“I thought you were in trouble and came to help.” My mouth was dry as I stared at his bare legs, his hoodie had crept up enough to expose his chiseled stomach.
“I am in trouble. I can’t seem to control myself and l stole from you.” He wouldn’t meet my eyes and shifted uncomfortably.
“I tried to ignore it,” he continued when I kept quiet, his voice low and strained, “I told myself I was doing my duty as my partner to protect you, to help you, and that’s all there was between us. But the reality is, you haven’t left my mind since the first time we met.” He finally looked at me, his gaze ardent. “You instilled your trust in me to work by your side, to protect you, and look what I’ve done with it.”
“Xavier…”
“But if I couldn’t have you, I just needed to pretend. I need to keep pretending because if I did have you-“ his voice fractured.
“What?”
“If I did have you, I will never let you go.”
The silence was heavy as we stared at each other, and beneath it simmered something dangerous. I stepped forward, and he retreated until his back hit the headboard. I met his burning gaze, which averted when I reached the edge of his bed.
“You think I don’t feel it too?”
His expression flickered between devastation and hope.
“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.”
I reached for the pillow, but he caught my wrist instinctively.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t.” I had never been more sure of anything in my life.
“You don’t know that,” his grip tightened. “When I want something, especially when it concerns you, I don’t stop at halfway.”
My pulse skipped. “So don’t.”
He swallowed as I leaned closer to his face.
He was still, his breath coming out in hot pants between his parted lips. His eyes searched my face. He leaned closer, and I closed the distance easily until our lips clashed.
He was shy at first, barely puckering his lips until I slid the tip of my tongue against the seam. The effect was immediate, he pressed forward until his mouth nearly encased mine, like he’d been thinking about this for months. I climbed onto his lap, straddling him, resting on the pillow that still separated us. His hands hovered at my waist before gripping tightly as if testing whether this was real.
“Tell me to stop.” His whisper was quiet and broken against my lips.
“I can’t,” I admitted, and he pulled me tightly to him.
Every touch was deliberate, memorizing how I felt in his arms.
“You don’t understand,” he breathed against my neck as he kissed his way down. “I think about you constantly. On missions. When we’re apart. When you smile at someone else.” The jealousy was raw in his voice, and he grazed his teeth at the sensitive skin below my jaw at some memory.
I shivered in his arms.
“Touch me. Finish what you interrupted.” He shoved the pillow off his lap, letting his cock jut between us.
My hands trembled as I reached down to grasp him, the skin burning and damp with his pre-come. He let out a breathy moan, raising his head to kiss me again. We devoured each other as I slowly stroked him, and I drank in every gasping sigh whenever I rubbed my thumb over his dripping tip.
“This feels one-sided.” I could feel my wetness threatening to soak through my shorts, and I inadvertently rubbed myself against his thighs for some relief.
In one fluid motion, he flipped us, lowering me onto the mattress. He pulled off his hoodie and I tugged my shirt over my head. I then raised my hips so he could slide the fabric off my thighs. I was sure the thrill I felt looking at his bare body was reflected on his face as his eyes drank me in. His hands ran over my breasts, my nipples immediately peaking under his touch.
“Beautiful,” he whispered as he lowered himself over me. “So beautiful.”
I was squirming beneath him, desperate for more contact.
“We can stop,” he said quietly, misreading me. “If you want.”
I was shaking my head before he finished his last sentence and grasped his cock to press it at my soaked entrance.
He chuckled breathlessly before groaning as I rubbed him against me. “You’re already so wet,” he marveled.
“Need you,” I mumbled, the sheer desire making my head spin.
When his tip caught at my needy hole, I wrapped my hands around his biceps. He stared at me as his hips slowly tipped forward. The stretch was immense, and I tried hard to relax as he entered me.
“Hurts?” He whispered when I winced.
“A little,” I admitted.
He started drawing away and I wrapped my legs around his waist to keep him still. “No, just go slowly.”
He bit his lip as he continued, his body trembling in my arms from restraint.
I was so full, it felt like I was stretched to my limit. I looked down between us and saw how much of him was left. I let out a soft whine.
“I know,” he murmured, burying his face in my neck. “Only halfway. It’s so tight, you’re pulling me in.”
“More,” I insisted breathlessly, tugging him closer with my legs.
His breath only came out in soft, pained groans as he pressed forward once again. The slight pain was finally giving way to the pleasure I felt being filled with him.
“Xavier, you feel so good,” I whispered in his ear.
He paused for a beat before his hips snapped forward, completely burying himself inside of me.
I yelped at the sudden intrusion, my hands gripping his back. He was pounding into me frantically now, barely giving me time to adjust. He held me like he was afraid I’d disappear, as if he would never get another chance to be this close to me again.
“I’m sorry,” he moaned desperately, his face buried in the crook of my neck. “You feel too good and I’ve waited so long…”
I let out wordless cries as his relentless pace pushed me into the mattress. He raised himself up on his arms, his eyes roaming over my face and my breasts as he fucked me hard.
“…better than any dream.” I could barely hear his soft whispers as he stared at me. “So good, made for you. Perfect. Beautiful.”
“All for you,” I managed to whisper back as I looked up at him.
Something broke inside of him, his eyebrows furrowing, and his thrusts becoming more shallow, wilder.
“For me?”
“Yes, all for you. Yours.”
“Mine,” he replied, resting his forehead on mine.
“Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,” he continued babbling.
My pleasure was peaking as he continuously hit a spot within me with devastating precision. Although I had never been able to come that way before, I easily recognized the signs I was about to climax.
“Xavier, gonna come,” I pleaded, clamping down on him hard.
“Fuck, yes, come on me. Let me feel it, please, fuck, please.”
My vision was tunneling on his blushing, beautiful face, my body tightening up like a coil before I suddenly released, pleasure coursing through my body like a rubber band snapping.
“Fuck, I feel you,” he groaned, collapsing over me. I felt his body shudder with his own release, his cock throbbing inside of me as hot, wet heat spread through my belly.
We laid in each other’s arms, catching our breath for a minute or two. Then he withdrew from me with a slight hiss and pulled me into a hug on our sides. I traced patterns in his sweaty, warm skin and he slowly trailed his fingers over my upper arm.
The silence, which had been comfortable immediately after making love, was now thickening as time passed.
His heart was still racing beneath my ear, his embrace tightening as if the space between us would restore the boundaries he’d just destroyed.
“Do you regret it?” I asked quietly.
He paused for a long time, his hand sliding up my spine deliberately.
“No,” he said finally.
“What is it then?”
“I’m afraid,” he confessed softly. “You don’t understand what this means for me.”
“Then explain.”
“Do you remember our mission in Moonveil Bay?”
My throat tightened. It was a mission where we had been ambushed by a hidden explosive set by the protocore smugglers we’d been hunting. I had been pinned beneath debris for thirty-two seconds too long.
“I couldn’t find you.” His fingers pressed harder into my back now. “Do you know what I felt in that moment? What it did to me?”
I remembered his expression when he pulled me out. The way his hands had shaken after. I’d thought it was adrenaline.
“I’m afraid of what I’ll become if you’re mine. I’m afraid of what I’ll do to keep you by my side.”
I finally raised my head and cupped his face.
“Xavier, I love you. I’m not afraid of it.”
His breath caught, and he closed his eyes as if he couldn’t bear it. “I’ve tried for so long to not cross this line with you. I was terrified for so long of scaring you off. And at first, I managed. It had been enough to simply be near you, to watch you smile. I told myself I was only looking out for you, it’s what a good partner would do.”
“And now?”
“Now,” he said, voice dropping. “If anyone else touched you the way I just did… I don’t know how calmly I would respond.”
“But I wouldn’t let anyone else.”
His hand slid to my hip, firm and possessive.
“I don’t want to control you. I want to keep you alive and protect you. And when I see your attention focused on someone else, I tell myself it doesn’t matter. That you’re free to choose anyone, even if it isn’t me. No matter how much it hurts. Yet I can’t help it.”
His other hand stroked my cheek.
“I’ve already chosen. And if you somehow decided to choose me, I would give you every part of me. It’s all yours.”
Words had escaped me, I could only press my lips against his. We kissed slower this time, his lips gentle and reverent.
“I choose you,” I was finally able to whisper against his skin. “I’ll always choose you.”
The heat between us began to build, and he guided my hips to straddle his. His cock was already hard again, brushing against my trembling thighs. I brushed the tip against my entrance, still wet with his come.
When I slowly sat down on him, the stretch was less intense this time. The grip he kept on my hips loosened, letting me use him how I wanted. His eyes never left my face, even as my breasts swayed from me bouncing on him, my pleasure proof of the depth of my feelings that words could never convey.
And when I whispered “all for you,” he didn’t unravel wildly this time.
He pressed his forehead to mine as I continued chasing my pleasure.
“For me,” he repeated, but his voice was soft and awed.
I was able to rub my clit against the base of him, my legs trembling from exertion and the pressure building up in me.
“I love you.” His eyes sparkled in the dim light, and I finally broke.
He embraced me as I came on him again, groaning softly at his own release.
His heart gradually slowed beneath my ear this time, but his hand never stopped roaming my body, over my spine, my shoulders, my arms. Grounding himself.
Eventually, I glanced up to find him already watching me. He smiled softly and drew me closer.
“I guess I should walk in on you more often, huh?” I teased, poking the tip of his nose.
“Only if this is how I’m allowed to apologize.” His voice was low, suggestive, and I felt a thrill shoot up my spine.
“I forgive you for stealing my shirt, I suppose,” I sighed and laid my head back on his chest to listen to his steady heartbeat.
“Do you think it’s weird that I took your shirt?”
“Yes,” I responded honestly. “But I don’t mind. I’ve been sniffing your clothes when you weren’t looking.”
He laughed, unguarded and warm, then nuzzled his face to the top of my head. “Then we can be weird together.”
I hummed in agreement and closed my eyes, resting my ear over his heart and listening as it settled back into its steady, familiar rhythm at 40 bpm.