Archive of Our Own

The fact that Jungwon’s heat falls on a Saturday should already be vile enough. The fact that Jungwon’s heat falls on Valentine's Day feels like a personal crime. The fact that Jungwon broke up with his boyfriend of three years just a few months ago feels like the end of the world right now.

Jay was lovely. A sweet, caring alpha. Everyone in Jungwon’s friend group loved him, to the point even where Jungwon got so angry once after their breakup, when someone said but he was so perfect! that he screamed at them to go and date him if he was so perfect!

Nothing about their relationship had been perfect by the end of it. Nearing the end of their twenties together, it felt like they were holding each other back rather than pursuing life together. Stagnation had long settled in and broken them in a way that was seemingly irreparable.

Both of them busy with their jobs and finding life paths that actually made sense to them, they somehow lost each other in the constant push and pull of going out with friends, being roped into after work drinks and trying to be good partners.

So breaking up was the most reasonable next step in their relationship. Moving plans scratched, leases renewed and exchanging things they kept at each other’s apartments was their new reality. The only thing that truly seemed to make sense when fighting for their relationship became too exhausting.

Reasonable, was what they thought it was. Quite the opposite of what Jungwon was doing right now. 

Because he had plans. Valentine’s plans to be exact. And he would not let his heat knock him out. It was his first Valentine's Day after years of being in a happy relationship after all. He was supposed to go out and get drunk and maybe go home with a stranger. And do absolutely everything in his power to forget that he had left the love of his life behind just three months ago.

So, painkillers for his cramps it was. A looser fit to hide his bloated belly would have to do. Heavy perfume, despite Jungwon’s hate for intense scents, was his companion for the night just to give the impression of having a proper scent. Because the scent patch he wore to mask his heat scent would otherwise kill all and every evidence of a scent.

"Hell no." Sunoo says the moment he steps into Jungwon’s apartment and smells his pheromones. Jake trails behind him slowly.

Sunoo sniffs him again, takes in his fit and then shakes his head vehemently. "You are in heat. I won’t take you anywhere tonight." 

Jungwon looks at Jake, who to his defence always was more Jay’s friend than his and Jungwon to this day, has no idea why Jake stuck around. But then again, maybe he is also sticking around Jay and Jungwon doesn’t know about that.

Either way, Jake just shrugs as if to say just ignore him and then pulls out his phone. Probably texting his boyfriend, because it’s unfair that he is holed up with a miserable omega in heat on Valentine's Day rather than spending time with his own boyfriend.

"I wanna go out. This is my first Valentine's Day in years where I get to go out and kiss strangers." Jungwon protests. "Also, nobody knows this is my heat scent. I’m wearing a scent patch too and four layers of cologne. If your name is neither Sunoo nor Jay nobody will know what this scent means."

Ha… Yeah. Jay. If they were still a thing he would be over by now, cooking them a romantic dinner, probably massaging Jungwon’s swollen feet and then making love to him all night, heat or not didn’t matter when it came to their love life. Maybe this would even be one of the rare times where their cycles aligned, so they could have double the fun without getting as tired.

Jungwon wills the memories of past cycles spent happily together away and instead focuses on Sunoo who looks fucking torn.

"See. Even you want to go out. So let’s just get it moving. If there is anyone who could be interested in me ever again, I will not find them by staying home. Heat or not." Jungwon declares, puts his shoes on and grabs a coat.

Seoul is icy for early February. But hey, at least no snow. So, a win is a win. Jungwon popped another heat suppressant in the taxi, so his head stays blissfully clear and his fever stays manageable. 

They grab a taxi to the bar simply because it’s easy and convenient. Sunoo had advertised tonight as the ultimate singles event. Yet when Jungwon sees the rest of their very not single friend group waiting by the street corner he knows this was just a fluke. 

Sunoo and Heeseung? Fucking mated since the beginning of time. Sunghoon, Ni-ki and Jake? Always coming out of heats and ruts with marks so dark and purple Jungwon has to take a closer look just to see if there are teeth imprints too. Sunoo and him even have a bet going on, when it’ll finally happen.

Jungwon says they keep their alpha teeth’s to themselves until Jake has his PhD bagged, while Sunoo is absolutely fucking sure they are one more whiny omega plea for a baby away from mating Jake and possibly knocking him up while they’re at it.

Either way. They are all fucking happy and in loving relationships. And then there is Jungwon fucking unhappy with his life and his decision to split because after everything was said and done without screaming and overly exaggerated emotions, he felt the true emptiness of life.

No one to call and share random nonsense with, no one to kiss and laugh with in a silly way, no lover to come and pick him up from company dinners after one too many soju shots.

At the end of the day, the grass on the other side wasn’t greener. It was fucking burned.

The bar they are going to tonight, is one they frequent quite often. The drinks are well made, the prices are okay, they sell good wine. But today it looks like the epitome of Jungwon’s personal single hell. To be honest he would rather be on an episode of singles inferno right now and get roasted by Sunoo, than to be here.

The bar collaborated with a few young and upcoming cooks for a joint Valentine's Day event. And while everything is tastefully decorated, Jungwon feels like it’s suffocating him. He doesn’t know if he can truly pull off a whole evening surrounded by the theme of love after breaking up with his own not too long ago.

They had to place a reservation in advance for tonight and Jungwon has to laugh when he sees seven instead of six chairs around their table. Sunoo must have temporarily forgotten about the fact that they were no longer three couples. Instead they were two couples and an awfully heartbroken single on his cycle.

Jungwon blames the need to cry solely on the fact that he is emotionally unstable and on two different medications to manage his heat. Yet he pulls through, bites his lip and follows them to the table.

They choose their seats around the table and Sunghoon is kind enough to pull out Jungwon’s chair for him. The alphas take their coats to the cloak room which gives Jungwon the time to properly look around. The tables are clothed in muted shades of pink, hearts are dangling from the ceiling and neat flower arrangements decorate each and every table.

And then there is the fact that everything about this bar reminds him of Jay. 

Wall by the old record player in the corner? First kiss. The bar? So many shared drinks. Piano on the little platform where they play live music on the last weekend of the month? Jay used to joke that he should learn how to play the piano so he can woo Jungwon with a piece once.

Jungwon sighs.

The alphas return.

Music turns melancholically soft. 

Jungwon closes his eyes for a moment.

In the past months he had been sad more than once and blamed their break up solely on the fact that they had not been able to find a better solution for their very normal and very widespread problem among couples. But the sadness that had inherited his body so heavily had never felt this crushing before. 

Sometimes feelings don't matter as much as one might want to believe.

Sometimes the make and break point of a relationship was not how highly one valued themselves or their partner, but rather what felt like the best outcome for the future. And that night on Jay’s couch breaking up had felt the best. The most right.

Now everything feels shit and Jungwon wants to kick his past self in the shin before he can open his mouth and say but have you ever thought of breaking up?

Goddamn.

Jungwon opens his eyes.

Jungwon looks around.

Jungwon sees Heeseung gently brushing Sunoo’s curled hair behind his ear.

Jungwon sees Sunghoon kissing Ni-ki lovingly.

Jungwon sees Jake protesting and leaning over to get a kiss too.

Jungwon sees Jay walking through the door.

The world stops. Even if it’s just for a moment, he is sure everything comes to a screeching halt. Because what on earth is Jay doing here?

With panic Jungwon looks around the table and painfully realises the last open seat is beside him. Then he keeps looking. Maybe, just maybe, there is still space at another table and this is just an ugly, painful coincidence. 

But as Jungwon looks around the room, searching for a petit omega waiting for their strong, muscular alpha date with calloused fingers and fresh, neatly cut hair, he finds nobody. No one is single here. 

Except for him.

Except for Jay.

Jungwon wants to cry out and maybe also flip the water in his glass into Sunoo’s face. Because he is so sure that Sunoo is the culprit. That Sunoo set them up just to get them back together. It had to be him… Of course it had to be.

Jay leaves his coat by the door and approaches their table. He strolls slowly, looking around the room as if he is unsure who he is even looking for and then their eyes lock. And suddenly Jay seems way more determined in his step.

They broke off amicably. No argument, no tears, just an agreement and them returning their things to each other. And Jungwon hates how therefore this situation shouldn’t be much of a problem. But somehow it is.

Jake is the first one to get up and greet Jay when he finally weaves his way through the room. Then Sunghoon, then Ni-ki and then Jay just makes his round around the table. Heeseung and Sunoo too and then he suddenly stands beside Jungwon.

And it’s so clear he is not expecting anything. He just says hi and takes his seat. And now it’s up to Jungwon to question himself why he feels detachment settle harshly in his chest, or why he feels sad that Jay is not leaning in for a kiss just to greet Jungwon.

Jungwon is left to wonder why he wants something, that he told himself months ago he didn’t want, didn’t need, yet now, more than ever, needs so desperately.

For a while Jungwon just stares at the glass in front of him. Before Jay arrived at their table the waiter brought out sparkling water for everyone and Jungwon now stares at the bubbles rising to the surface.

He is acutely aware how good Jay smells. No scent patch on, wearing a cologne instead that matches his scent well and Jungwon is left to wonder if Jay can smell that he is in actual fucking heat. On a Saturday. On Valentine's Day. During a dinner with his friends and his ex boyfriend.

Jungwon wants to cry. And get up. And go home. And— Actually, he wants to do none of that if he is truly honest with himself. Because now that Jay is close, Jungwon can soak up his warmth and his scent and treat his heat symptoms the normal way. They way he is very much used to. 

Because at the end of the day this is the reality of his new life as a single. He is back to horribly painful heats and an irregular cycle. While life with Jay was blissful. Not only did he take the absolute best care of Jungwon during his heats, he also looked out for him in very subtle ways. 

Restocking his favourite snacks, cooking curry for him on a regular basis, making sure that when he had a shit day at work, he would be there as a quiet presence making jokes about setting the office on fire for him. 

Jungwon’s eyes follow one of the bubbles in his glass. How it slowly makes its way up until it pops at the surface. And it’s as if something he had buried for a long while, slowly makes its way to the surface too.

He is about to turn to Jay and say something, when a waiter brings the first round of wine for the night. Something sweet, something crisp, something light. Yet Jungwon feels like the glass in his hand is way too heavy to lift it from the table to join the cheers of his friends.

"To love." Sunoo says but his eyes are not on Heeseung, they are on Jungwon.

And as Jungwon mutters sure he realises that they are all looking at him.

All of them.

To no one's surprise it’s as always. As if no breakup ever happened. Jay chats with everyone and everyone chats with Jay. They laugh together, share pics of what they recently did and Jay talks to Heeseung about the new guitar he bought just last week.

Then, despite himself trying his absolute best not to listen in to all of their conversations, Jungwon can’t stop himself. He needs to ask before he bursts open like a spoiled nut "How did you name it?"

Because that’s logical. Because that’s Jay. All of his 12 guitars may not have space in his apartment, but they all have a name. Because Jay is attached to everything he touches. Because he is compassionate and gentle.

Fuck. Jungwon should not remind himself of all of that. And neither should he show interest.

But it’s too late, Jay is already looking at him and says "No name." When Jungwon doesn’t react, way too unsure if this is a joke or not, he clarifies, "The guitar has no name."

For a moment the air seems so tense, neither Jay nor Jungwon say something. This is unheard of, to the point where it stunts him. 

The silence drags on, they keep eye contact and Jungwon gets acutely aware of the music, the conversations happening around them, the sounds coming from the open kitchen. Because this is his body's fight or flight reflex. If he doesn’t know how to act, he zones out and focuses on literally everything just not the topic at hand.

Jake makes a joke, Ni-ki laughs. Sunoo coughs, probably to mask the awkward silence and Heeseung leans in to fuss over him. Someone at the table behind them spills wine and a waiter rushes over with a towel. Then the music picks up, an upbeat love song plays and it gets all too much.

Something so small, so impersonal breaks him to a point of what feels like no return. Before he can do something about it, he smells the spike in his own scent. 

Hook, line, sinker. He just gave himself away in a way nobody at the table knows how to interpret except for Jay.

Jay, lovely, sweet, compassionate Park Jongseong with a degree in finance and still making bad financial decisions on a daily basis, who knows him better than his best friend across the table, reads him like an open book.

But what he does next, surprises even Jungwon.

Instead of asking why it seems to be such a big thing for Jungwon that his guitar has no name, he says nothing. Just turns back to his glass and takes a sip of his wine. Then he looks back at Heeseung and picks up their conversation as if nothing ever happened.

Jungwon wants to cry.

It’s a Saturday, he is in fucking heat and it’s Valentine's Day and to top it all off, Jay, fucking ex-boyfriend Jay sits beside him and… doesn’t care. For the first time in seven years he doesn’t care about Jungwon. For the first time in four years he doesn’t question him. For the first time in three years he doesn’t push for answers. For the first time in three months Jungwon feels immense pain wrecking him.

His eyes dart around the room, wet, unsure, unable to hold on to something. They went their separate ways in agreement. There was no bad blood, now, Jungwon almost wishes there would have been, so he could say something now, that would lead to an argument.

Instead he asks "Why don’t you call it love? You love music after all" Quiet, so quiet he is sure Jay didn’t even hear it over the music.

But he answers, surprisingly. "I love music, but not in the way I love the person who holds my heart. So how could I give that pet name to something else so easily?"

 Jungwon nods, just to signal him he had heard his reply. But he doesn’t answer. Because Jay admitting to him he already has someone else? Painful, yes, worth a reply, not really. After all he deserves happiness and maybe someone else would be less demanding about life and give Jay the freedom he was seeking.

"I’ll quickly go to the bathroom." Jungwon mumbles and gets up while the waiter brings out their appetisers along with a second round of wine.

He needs to get away from Jay’s scent. It makes him too melancholic.

Hiding had never been a thing Jungwon liked to do. He was open and upfront with his feelings in a considerate manner. And maybe that was also the reason why his and Jay’s relationship, despite being happy and on the very way to mating, ended eventually.

They had more bad days than good ones. More days of I don’t want to talk about how I feel right now rather than I’m feeling sad for no reason can we maybe talk about it days. When Jay came home late day after day because of working overtime or company dinners, Jungwon started to resent him instead of sitting with him and just holding him close for a moment because he knew all along Jay hated being roped into these endless nights away from home just as much as Jungwon did.

And Jungwon could tell by the end, that Jay too, was looking at Jungwon with a kind of resentment, not for him personally but for the way they lived their life as a couple.

In front of the bathroom mirror Jungwon can’t hide his true feelings any longer. Now that he has seen Jay again… Cheeks full, eyes bright, hair perfectly styled, it’s so very obvious that the face that looks back at Jungwon from the mirror is not tired because he is in heat and had barely slept last night.

The face that looks back at him from the bar bathroom mirror, is the face of someone who realises he should have been fighting more. Harder. Longer. Given it more time, because they had both been so willing at one point— 

Their journey didn’t have to end the way it did and yet Jungwon feels like he is the only one shaken with regret over their joint, amicable decision to end it and go their separate ways.

As he steps out, he is hit by the strong, protective scent of an alpha. Cologne mixed with a clear message wrapped up in tiny molecules, don’t come closer.

"Why are you standing here like a bodyguard?" Jungwon asks, his hand still on the doorhandle.

"You are an omega, in heat, where else would I be?" Jay asks in return.

And Jungwon hates himself for the way his heart flutters at the possessive undertone, the way Jay’s scent spikes for barely a second with determination. Jungwon’s instincts whisper he waited for us, his mind answers he would wait for anyone. And then Jungwon steps past him.

"Thank you, but I’m a blackbelt in taekwondo. Even in heat, nobody could sweep me up and just take me away." He is not cocky, just trying to state a fact that gets proven wrong a moment later.

Because Jay sweeps him up in one gentle, yet strong move. He steps back through the door and sets Jungwon down on the vanity. The door falls shut with a quiet click. Then Jungwon is face to face with Jay. 

Still the same strong jaw, the prominent nose so perfectly shaped and his eyes sharp. So sharp they feel like glass ready to cut. Jungwon whimpers unintentionally as he is caught under Jay’s gaze. He looks away, or tries to at least, but Jay’s hand is immediately on his cheek, then his forehead, then he leans in a little closer.

Jungwon closes his eyes and begs heaven and earth for Jay to back up before he does something stupid like begging for a kiss. 

As he is caught under Jay, Jungwon has to face three very pivotal truths. He is still very much in heat, Jay’s scent still has a calming effect on his body and Jungwon feels himself slick up at the memories the mix of their combined scent brings.

He knows now is not the time to dissect his feelings in light of his current situation, but he can’t help himself. Too fast beats his heart to ignore it, too much twitches his fingers with the itch to touch Jay, too heavy are Jay’s pheromones in their response to Jungwon’s scent that’s trying desperately to reach out.

"Jungwon," Jay says slowly, his forehead landing on his shoulder with a thud. "I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I thought I was ready to see you again, but I’m not."

And he sounds so much like he prepares himself to run away, turn his back on Jungwon once more and leave him. The thought sits sour and unpleasant with Jungwon. So much even, that he wraps his arms around Jay’s shoulder despite his better judgment.

It’s his heat brain, Jungwon is sure, or why else would he act so irrational after going through weeks of talking, tossing and turning, and eventually deciding that they should break up, when in the end all it takes is meeting Jay again on a not so random Saturday, to make him second guess everything.

"You should have stayed home too. You’re in heat after all." Jay says eventually as he tries to lean back. 

Jungwon doesn’t give him free, he tightens his arms around him and asks instead "Why?"

"Why what? I want you to be at home? Because you’re in heat, Jungwon. I know you think people won’t be able to tell because they don’t know your scent. But trust me, everyone can tell." Jay says, tries to get out of Jungwon’s embrace really.

He only holds on tighter. "No, why did you come? When… you clearly don’t want me again."

Jay stills against Jungwon’s chest and it’s as if he can feel a panic attack rising up between his ribs. Jungwon doesn’t know why he asked. Has no idea what he is even doing here right now. But their breakup feels wrong for the first time and just the whisper of doubt in Jay’s voice, in his actions, gives Jungwon hope that he belatedly feels the same about the way they ended.

"Jungwon…" Jay says slowly and seemingly gives up the fight in holding back. His arms gently curl back around Jungwon’s middle.

"You know we didn’t break up because we fell out of love. When we walked away from each other… We agreed to do so, because it was easier than always holding space for each other and putting ourselves on the back burner just so neither of us would feel like they’d have to take the back seat." Jay’s voice is measured, but the teeny tiny molecules that make up his existence give him away.

His scent is thick with longing, reaching out in a way only Jungwon can tell is Jay’s desperate cry for his return. And they shouldn’t break up, just to get back together the next best chance they get, but holding onto Jay like this feels more right than any late night crying session in Sunoo’s arms.

"But ever since we did that—" Jungwon breaks off with a quiet sniffle, then he takes a deep breath and continues "I felt miserable."

"It just takes time to get used to being alone again." Jay offers gently.

Jungwon hates how he tries to console him. He shoots back immediately.

"No." Vehement, strong, a little too loud. Jay immediately tries to calm Jungwon down with gentle back rubs.

"I tried and I don’t want this free trial anymore. Cancel my membership—" Jungwon is desperate, his scent thick and sticky as if in hopes that when it rubs on Jay he will be branded as Jungwon’s for the rest of his life.

"Okay." Jay says slowly, his arms just that tad bit tighter around Jungwon now. "So… we get back together, then what? How can we make it any different this time?"

It’s an honest, important question. But all Jungwon and his heat raddled brain can come up with is "Let’s mate."

Simple, easy, one line hook sinker. Because that’s the single thing they never discussed in all their break-up talk. What if a mating bond, the one they both very much wanted but never got, would have helped in solving their problems?

The deep connection that would bind them together forever, that bond that allowed them a glimpse into the emotions of their partner at all times. Better than words, clearer than pheromones. What if all of that would have stopped them from feeling like holding back, like waiting on each other was pointless?

A knock interrupts them before Jay can answer him. "Excuse me? Are you okay?" It’s a waitress, quiet, polite, checking in on them because they have been blocking the bathroom for god knows how long at this point.

So Jay carefully peels himself out of Jungwon’s arms and helps him down. They apologise to her profusely. Citing bad heat side effects as the cause of occupying the bathroom for so long and as they make their way back to their table, Jungwon can’t tell if the hand on his lower back is to make their lie more plausible to her, or if it’s Jay’s true desire to be with him again, showing in a comforting physical touch.

At their table they find everyone amicably talking among themselves as if Jay and Jungwon had not been missed one single bit. As if nothing about this situation was out of the ordinary. When in reality following your ex, who also is very much still in heat, to the toilet and not return for a hot minute was normal.

Sunoo is the only one who actually acknowledges their return. He lifts his wine glass, sips from it and looks directly at Jungwon. Jungwon in return, has to avoid eye contact at all costs because he knows Sunoo reads him like a book. After all, they have been best friends since university. 

"Here, have some of this." Jay says, ripping Jungwon out of his thoughts. "It’s delicious."

Sunoo mouths it’s delicious back at Jungwon as their eyes meet again by accident and Jungwon blushes deeply. Damn this heat and how sensitive it makes him. Damn Sunoo for knowing exactly which buttons to push. Damn Valentine's Day and these tacky double foiled hearts that dangle from the ceiling all around.

Jungwon also wants to lean in and kiss Jay the way Jake kisses Ni-ki off to his right. And Jungwon wants to hold Jay’s hand and play with his fingers the same way Heeseung does with Sunoo’s right now. 

But instead of doing any of this, he takes the appetiser in front of him apart and shovels the thinly sliced kimchi and beef carpaccio into his mouth. Jay put the perfect bite onto his plate. Kimchi and meat neatly stacked, a piece of pickled pear on top for a tangy little extra that melts on the tongue like ice cream.

Jungwon thinks back to the way Jay hugged him in the bathroom. Open and vulnerable, at the same time so tight it seemed like he never planned on letting him go ever again.

Jungwon thinks about the way they parted that fateful night their relationship ended for good. How Jay had not turned away once, keeping his eyes on Jungwon until he was back inside of his apartment, making sure for the last time he would get home safely.

Jungwon thinks about the warm hand on his lower back earlier. Sturdy, guiding, protective. He is sure it was not for show but Jay’s honest feelings showing in a single touch.

It feels like thinking won’t get him very far anymore in life. It’s almost as if whenever he tried to think things through till the end, map out all possibilities and routes, things always took an unexpected turn anyway.

Jungwon looks over at Jay, the appetiser on his plate long forgotten. In the low light of the room, he sees the real Jay. Park Jongseong with cheeks not as full as they appeared before and eyes which don’t reflect as much light as they did back in the bathroom. His hair is a little shaggy now that Jungwon actually pays close attention.

He looks like someone who pushed through sleepless nights telling himself it was for the best. He was doing the right thing. He was doing the thing Jungwon wanted.

Jungwon no longer wants any of that he realises now.

He wants Jay. Just Jay. In all his imperfect glory. And he wants him in ways that… 

"Does your offer still stand?" Jungwon asks quietly after the main course and another two glasses of wine. He no longer feels the side effects of his heat. All he feels are the ways he craves Jay.

His arms rest lax in his lap, his posture a little sunken in. Not even when Jay looks back over at him, he finds the energy or will to sit up a little straighter. He is done pretending he is fine. Because tonight made him realise he is not.

It feels like the room falls quiet around them despite the bustling of waiters, the laughter from couples on different tables, even their friends. It all falls away when Jungwon looks at Jay. And it’s not his heat demanding the closeness of another body or him just having a fickle mind. 

He asks, because he needs to know if what Jay said to him that random night in June, in a hotel room across the globe, after a long day out on their feet, was still true to him. If there was still only place for one person in Jay’s heart.

And that space was shaped like a cat bathing in the sun. Lazy, outstretched, relaxed. And if someone would call Jungwon’s name, the cat would flick an ear as if to say I’m here, I’m listening.

"My guitar can never be named love, because that’s what I used to call you and never plan on calling anyone else." Jay says slowly after he has mustered Jungwon for a long moment.

Jungwon nods. He understands. Actually, he does more than that.

Jungwon thinks back to the way Jay waited for him. Both that night and earlier too. Always keeping him safe no matter what. Not even budging when Jungwon turned his back to him.

And then, Jungwon stops thinking. He surges forward with his hands reaching for Jay’s cheeks, bringing him close so they can meet in the middle. And for a long moment, they just kiss. 

Jungwon isn’t rushing it. He keeps himself steady while Jay holds onto Jungwon’s hands which are still clasped around his cheeks. And this feels right, feels like coming home after being caught in an endless downpour. A warm towel, a hot cup of tea, a kiss and a laugh and suddenly Jungwon is crying.

"Let’s try again?" Jay asks as Jungwon breaks away.

Jungwon shakes his head and for a moment he can hear their friends gasping. Sunoo is already out of his seat, Jungwon can tell from what he sees in the corner of his eyes. But before he can even remotely get to say something, Jungwon speaks up again.

"Let’s get mated." Jungwon says eventually, looking at Jay with so much hope in his gaze. "No more if’s and sacrifices and cut corners." Jungwon makes sure to put weight onto his words as he speaks.

"This time, we will do it the right way. No more waiting, no more pushing things off until it’s too late and we’re just frustrated because life is stagnant. This time we will make a change because we put ourselves first." Jungwon bites his lip, suddenly so very nervous for Jay’s eventual, final reply. Because what if he no longer wants Jungwon that way?

"Yes, okay, let’s get mated." Jay says a little breathless, an unbelieving laugh ready to tumble over his lips. 

They kiss again, long, drawn out. Yet it’s so slow and unhurried that it’s clear at one point they have long forgotten about their friends sitting there with them. 

"I cannot believe your plan worked." Sunoo says eventually, body turned to look at Jake, Jake who smiles innocently.

"I just thought… It would be nice if we could all have a nice Valentine's Day. Filled with the people we love. I didn’t quite think they’d go as far as to declare their plans to mate." Jake replies with a little nervous chuckle.

"And yet here we are. Back with our insufferable couple." Sunoo says around a sigh, because Jungwon and Jay are still kissing, holding hands under the table like high schoolers that just declared their love for each other.

"Good thing I didn’t tell my mom that we broke up…" Jungwon comments with a chuckle as he eventually pulls away from Jay and his addicting kisses. "Otherwise it would be really hard to explain why I suddenly came out of my heat mated."

Jay’s eyes widened as if he just realised something very, very crucial. "You want to do it today?!" He asks, more like he hisses but Jungwon laughs either way.

He kisses Jay again and whispers no more stalling, Jay just whines.

For the rest of their dinner, Jay and Jungwon are actually inseparable. Kissing, holding hands, feeding each other the chocolate mousse and strawberry tiramisu with a pistachio crust, getting not only their lips dirty, but also their hands.

In all honesty, it feels a lot like they never broke off in the first place. Too attuned to each other are their actions, too openly vulnerable their kisses. It makes all of their friends groan to the point Jungwon asks if they already regret getting them back together.

Surprisingly, it’s Jake who hugs him tight and says no, they don’t. It’s also Jake who says he is very happy that after three long, cruel months, they finally figured out that the grass was never greener on the other side.

They part ways after dinner and Jungwon takes Jay back to his apartment. And it’s surprising that they managed to keep their hands to themselves on their way home. Because the second they get out of the taxi and through the door of Jungwon’s small apartment, Jungwon is all over his boyfriend.

"Wait a moment—" Jay asks between kisses, his hand already reaching out to peel Jungwon’s scent patch off. "You know wearing these for a longer period of time during heat is bad for your health." 

It’s a gentle reminder, no condescending tone, no admonishment in his voice. Just Jay looking out for Jungwon the way he always has. And this feels so right. Jay back in a place where he belongs, where his small acts of love and adoration make the biggest impact.

Jungwon invades Jay’s personal space, pushes him up against the built-in closet in the entry way and kisses him. It’s not as heated as before, but it’s clear in the way it sends a message. Jungwon is serious about them, about this second chance they got. But something nags him, a little voice of reason at the back of his mind.

"Are you sure?" Jungwon asks eventually, his forehead resting against Jay’s collarbones. "About us?"

Jay’s lips press gently against Jungwon’s forehead, a tender touch to assure him. "I am." No but no if just two words that determine the rest of their lives without hesitation.

"I don’t want to rush you." Jungwon mumbles, his emotions slowly taking over his mind.

"We talked about this extensively before." Jay says and carefully hoists Jungwon up. "About what we expect from a mating, how we want to raise our kids later. What a proper life together could look like."

Jay carries Jungwon to his bedroom, finds a messy nest that speaks of the distress of the past months and is in no shape or form made to support Jungwon in heat. Jungwon clings on tight, searches out Jay’s scent and finds it tenderly already waiting to be embraced.

With his back gently lowered onto the mattress, Jungwon stares up at Jay who smiles at him.

"Yes, technically we ended things but that didn’t mean I fell out of love over night, or pulled all our pictures together off my walls." Jay sounds honest as he speaks, his scent an open invitation for Jungwon to reach out and get more of his calming pheromones.

"I want to be with you again. Forever this time. No if’s and but’s and breaks in between. Just us and an honest effort to be a family." Jay sounds final in his declaration. Jungwon whines quietly.

"Let’s get mated then." Jungwon says to which Jay leans in to scent Jungwon tenderly.

And from there on, the rest is muscle memory. They just strip off their clothes because they were never a fan of slowly uncovering skin while they went at it. What surprises Jungwon though, is the fact that Jay pulls him down into his nest and covers them with a blanket. 

Warm arms wrap around him and a moment later Jungwon finds himself in Jay’s embrace, his head gently cradled close to his lover’s neck.

"It’s only your first day of heat." Jay explains quietly, his chin rubbing softly against the crown of Jungwon’s hair. "In this state a mating bite will only be painful and I think we had enough pain lately, we don’t need to willingly add more to it."

Jungwon groans but snuggles close nonetheless. "But saying you got mated during Valentine's Day would be sweet." 

He sounds pouty, he knows that. And it’s not like they planned this and he has any right to be sad about not pulling through on their plan now. But he can’t deny that ever since dinner earlier, he was more than excited. He was looking forward to the way Jay’s teeth would sink into his neck and claim what’s rightfully his.

Jay groans softly and Jungwon only now realises it’s because his scent spiked. Not with disappointment, but with an invitation.

"You know… If you’d just fuck me that would definitely kickstart my pheromone production." Jungwon says innocently. 

He has all the power, he knows that, he just needs to act on it. But it’s a little scary, it’s something he has never done before. Because with Jay he usually never needed to play up his pheromones to get his way.

"You know my willingness to fuck you is not the problem here." Jay says with a quiet groan.

And it’s true, Jay’s dick has been plump and hot ever since he pulled his briefs off earlier. Jungwon thinks he must have had a hard time all evening with how close he was to Jungwon and his heat laced pheromones. 

Although damped by the scent patch, to someone like Jay who had spent every heat with Jungwon in the past three years, it’s a scent he knows all too well and could probably pick up on in a room filled with people.

"Okay, maybe one round then and we’ll see how much that spikes your heat."

It doesn’t end at one round. It never did before either. Yet they tell themselves time and time again just one more round.

Once Jay’s fingers slide into Jungwon’s wet warm heat, just waiting for Jay, begging him to have him, it’s as if they both forget themselves a little. Jungwon moans over two fingers like it’s the best feeling in the world.

And to him, it is. Because his own fingers never reach in that deep, no toy ever feels right the way Jay does when he fills Jungwon out. It doesn’t matter if it’s his fingers or his cock, Jungwon will always want Jay more than anything else.

And from there on, it’s one giant downward spiral of lust. Because as they quickly realise, they missed this. Missed each other in such a carnal way that it would have been impossible for anyone else to ever take their spot.

As Jay presses Jungwon into the mattress, as his lips and teeth draw marks onto Jungwon’s back, it gets more and more evident that Jungwon loses himself in his own pleasure. His mind is clear but his body craves more.

Jay makes Jungwon sit on his face at one point, eating him out until Jungwon’s thighs are shaking and Jay’s chin is wet with his own release dripping from Jungwon’s slick rim. Because when Jay had asked about condoms before, Jungwon had just shut him up with a kiss and settled on his dick instead.

"Just eat me out later." Jungwon had mumbled against Jay’s lips and well, who was he to deny Jungwon’s request?

Exactly. No one. So he makes sure that Jungwon’s rim is spotless by the time he is done eating him out. He can’t say the same for Jungwon’s dripping cock though, so Jay without further ado, makes sure to clean that up as well.

Being together like this is so easy. They laugh and kiss and tell each other how much they love being back in the arms of their lover. And it feels like for the first time in three years they are truly on the same page.

"Maybe we needed a break." Jungwon says, resting heavily on Jay’s chest. 

His boyfriend is lazily fingering him, fingers slightly curled, slow drawn out motions. Just the way Jungwon likes to be fingered by him. 

"What makes you come to this realization?" Jay asks in reply, his cock already kicking in interest with the way Jungwon’s smell is so thick and irresistible now. 

"It’s hard to explain but, before we broke up, the stagnation in our relationship felt painful. Like we were not getting anywhere in life. But then we broke up and even after weeks, after a month or two, it felt like it was not getting any better. The pain and heartache was still there." Jungwon answers honestly. 

Jay hums, slows down his movements and eventually pulls his fingers out altogether. The intention is clear, he wants to focus on Jungwon. And despite the lack of stimulation, it’s a welcomed action, because it shows Jungwon how much Jay values him and his feelings. Giving him all of his undivided attention.

"But now…" Jungwon leans up to kiss Jay, "It feels like we’re more aligned than ever. It feels right being together like this, deciding to face the future together head on. I couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone other than you."

Jay appears weirdly emotional over the admission. So much so that he presses Jungwon back into the mattress, and cages him in under his broad frame. His lips are on Jungwon’s a moment later. Not demanding, just a tender press with so much emotion.

Jungwon whines quietly into the kiss. He holds onto Jay like he is his lifeline. And in a sense that’s true. Because ever since Jay had stepped into his life, way before they became a couple and were just friends for the longest time, life had just been so much better. 

And Jungwon wants to hold onto that dearly. Mating had always been the right next step to take and Jungwon now more than ever, cusses at their past selves for dragging it out for so long.

"Jongseong," Jungwon says and Jay’s eyes light up with delight at the intimate way Jungwon calls out his name. "I think it’s time for you to claim me."

Jay flicks his eyes over to the clock on Jungwon’s beside table and thinks they can still make Jungwon’s wish come true. 

"You have to promise me though," Jay says as he sits up just so he can spread Jungwon’s thighs for easier access "That you’ll share my rut with me… And claim me right back."

Not as if he’d have to worry about that, truly. If it were up to Jungwon he would bite him right now. But that’s not how it works. The one to receive their bite has to be on their cycle, with pheromones heavy in the air and their mind solely focused on their lover.

Jungwon chuckles and spreads his thighs a little wider. "I will and until then, I’ll mark up your neck every day, just so everyone knows you’re mine."

Jay smiles tenderly at him, not animalistic, not amused. Just pure affection in his gaze. Jungwon feels so loved. So, so loved. And then he feels full with the way Jay slides his hard cock back into him. He can’t remember if he took his contraceptives this morning. But at this point, it doesn’t matter anymore anyway. 

Because if Jay would have truly minded a possible outcome of their coupling… Jungwon knows he would have insisted on a condom before. Because that’s how Jay is, always making sure Jungwon can trust and rely on him.

Even with a child.

With his eyes closed, he relaxes back into the sheets, keeps his legs spread and just allows his body to sink into the pleasure of having his heat needs met thoroughly. Not like he ever had any complaints before when it came to their sex life. But it feels, like especially today, Jay’s touch has a quality to it, that speaks of his utmost devotion.

"Come closer please." Jungwon says between breathless gasps.

Jay follows his wish immediately. He cages Jungwon back in under him, keeps him safe and warm and tightly held. Their kisses grow hungry again, desperately asking for more along with their bodies.

Jungwon is so wet, every measured, deep thrust from Jay makes an obscene sound. But neither of them mind, they did worse before. And Jungwon is not opposed to recreating some of the things they tried in the past three years.

He encourages Jay to keep the angle consistent, just little pleas of yes, yes and like that, so deep, so good. It has Jay losing his mind, that much is clear. 

With his eyes closed and his hands keeping Jungwon’s hips steady, Jay fucks in so deep, Jungwon feels like he is definitely touching places he never reached before. And he likes it, enjoys the way he feels owned in the best way possible. 

But even for him it eventually gets too much. And it’s surprising that the need to get bitten is stronger than his need to come, but here he is, keeping his neck stretched out, exposing his throat to Jay’s sharp alpha teeth and…

Jungwon whines when Jay doesn’t immediately follow the invitation. 

His pheromones flood the room needier than before, he gets even more wet, his hands curling desperately around Jay’s thick biceps. If Jungwon wasn’t so busy right now trying to be absolutely delicious and inviting, he’d note with a joke that Jay must have hit the gym a lot to combat their breakup.

"Just a little more." Jay says with a growl, yet buries his face in Jungwon’s neck already. "Gonna knot you first and then…" He bites Jungwon with blunt teeth in lieu of finishing his sentence.

It leaves no mark but it’s enough pressure so Jungwon clamps up, going rigid under Jay in a way that has never happened before. He wants the bite so bad, he is close to begging. Because if Jungwon is anything, he's never too proud.

He would do anything at this point to be Jay’s. 

Anything.

Yet he doesn’t even have to think about ways to make Jay crumble. Because just a few thrusts later, he can already feel the faint outline of Jay’s knot growing. It quickly catches against Jungwon’s rim and he chants with ecstasy over the pleasure that it adds to every thrust.

Jay’s dick is long and thick, just enough to give Jungwon a hard time blowing him, but whenever he feels him inside, encompassed in his wet heat, it’s never thick enough. Jungwon would never say he is greedy, but when it comes to Jay and their sex life he definitely is.

So a knot catching on his rim is nothing if not downright pleasurable and it has Jungwon crying out Jay’s name with delight. His lover's lips get more and more insistent on the side of his neck as well. As if in trance, Jay is mouthing along Jungwon’s scent gland. Pushing and prodding and clearly getting drunk on Jungwon’s scent.

Jungwon calls Jay’s name with a broken cry as the knot settles warm and heavy inside of him. And it’s the single best feeling in the world. Pleasure floods his body and it’s as if he has no longer any control over his own orgasm. He just follows Jay’s lead down the abyss of absolute bliss. 

His cum splatters warm and milky against his chest, his hands scramble to hold onto Jay tighter and then… With a single love confession, Jay sinks his teeth into Jungwon’s skin.

This time his teeth are sharp and bite with intent. He leaves a lasting mark, draws blood to the surface and moans in tandem with Jungwon as his knot thickens further. Jay comes again, thicker this time and Jungwon loves how it feels so different from the way he usually fills him up.

Sunoo was right, the way an alpha mates their omega is meant to ensure the omega becomes wholly theirs. It’s a claim that’s meant to get their omega pregnant and start a family of their own. And Jungwon loves the thought of it. 

He tightens his hold on Jay and allows the bliss of being reunited with the love of his life to carry him.

Jungwon must have fallen asleep afterwards. Because when he opens his eyes again, he is back on Jay’s chest. His neck is cleaned up, cooling creme applied to the bite mark and the nest freshly made.

It doesn’t smell like lust anymore, not like before at least. Instead his own heat scent is more muted, calling for something different now. His body no longer wants a bite, he wants a baby. But what truly stands out to Jungwon, is Jay’s scent.

Warm, a little spicy too in a way that just tickles Jungwon’s nose. Oh, he thinks. Because this is how Jay smells when he is in the early stages of his rut. Jungwon smiles to himself and buries his nose in Jay’s neck.

It won’t be too long until Jay is in full on rut and Jungwon will be able to claim him right back. If there was any doubt left in him that mating could have been the wrong decision to make, he can be assured now that it was not.

Emotions are one thing, but nature and instincts are something wholly different. Sometimes the body knows way better what to do, or what one needs, than the mind does.

So, Jungwon closes his eyes again, snuggles closer and just waits for Jay to wake up, so he can rightfully claim him back. Until then, he enjoys the warm bond with his lover, that’s filled with so much love, it positively keeps Jungwon awake until sunrise.