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Shane was pacing back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. It was making Ilya anxious as he watched it occur even. Shane making little frustrated noises, pulling at his hair, his lips, and his clothes. Ilya has surprised Shane tonight, their home game was in the afternoon and he took the two hour drive to watch it from the Montreal apartment.
He wonders if that was the mistake that lead to the anxiety or if it had been brewing all day. Hell, knowing Shane, it could have been brewing all week. He turns sharp on his heels again, Ilya is pretty sure he’s muttering in French.
“Shane.” He tries to cut off the panic.
“Not now Ilya.” They could just have sex, he could suggest it, but he doesn’t. Something is wrong, he’s wound too tightly and even sex won’t help this. Shane can keep it together around other people. His Shane though? He likes privacy for his anxieties and break downs.
“Shane, drink some water.” He tries to direct, to get something to shock his senses back to reality.
“Not thirsty.” It isn’t about being thirsty. It’s about the fact Shane can’t seem to calm the hell down.
“Okay, a snack?”
“You can go to bed. I’ll be up later.”
“Ouch, Hollander. You think so little of me?”
“I didn’t know you’d be here.”
“I’m sorry, I won’t surprise you again.” Shane usually likes the surprise visits. “I’ll call next time.”
“No, it’s fine, it’s fine. Go to bed.”
“I’m not leaving you like this Shane.”
“It’s all so fucking loud, Ilya. So loud. It’s overwhelming and I want the noises to stop!” He’s back to pulling on his hair. Ilya stands up slowly, like he’s approached an injured animal. He holds his arms open, hoping to be non threatening.
“мой ребенок, come here.” Shane looks offended, rejecting the open arms.
“Don’t call me that right now.” He walks away again.
“You’ll make hole in floorboards.”
“I don’t think my team likes me anymore.” Shane admits, leaning on the counter, having emotions come to a head.
“What makes you think that?”
“Just, it feels wrong and I can never feel when something is wrong! Maybe it’s just me again.”
“Shane…”
“No, just, I don’t know. I don’t know anymore and I want to know. I want to know so goddamn badly.” Shane’s voice breaks, Ilya moves to be on the same side of the counter as him. A gently hand grazes his back.
“You are not wrong. I will never think that.”
“What if I say centaurs are better than Montreal?”
“I’ll take you to hospital, clearly there is brain bleed. You never know though, the guys are getting good.” Shane at least huffs a little laugh at that.
“Just, I’m so tired.”
“Then let’s lay down мой ребенок.” He offers and Shane sighs, deciding to take him up on it. They climb the steps slowly, not like they’re rushing to get to the main event. It’s slow as they find clothes and it’s even slow as they crawl under the covers. Shane making noises of displeasure and discomfort.
“Night Ilya.”
“Goodnight Shane.”
“I love you.” Shane sounds scared of the answer which makes Ilya feel awful.
“I love you so much.” Ilya feels sleep coming for him, but also he feels Shane trying his best to alligator death roll. Then he’s flopping around like a rotisserie chicken.
“Baby. Please. Let’s close eyes.” Shane groans when Ilya says it.
“I’ll go wait it off downstairs.”
“You’re too tired.”
“No, if I was tired I wouldn’t have to move.” Shane complains but Ilya sits up to stare at him in the moon lit room.
“Come here.” He says softly, opening his arms once Shane is standing.
“What?”
“Just, come here, come sit on my lap.” Shane sighs, but leans against him none the less. Shane doesn’t even look up at him. Ilya sighs, the day Shane Hollander did anything the easy way would be the end of the world. It would be one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. He pulls him closer and manhandles his legs up so he can hold him some.
“What are you doing?” He asks, clearly a little annoyed. Ilya digs through the nightstand and holds paci in front of Shane. “I’m not soft.”
“Well let’s try to sleep, please?” Shane opens his mouth and accepts it. Ilya gathers as much of Shane as he can before he starts rocking slowly. Back and forth, side to side. He’s thinking it’s the best core workout he’s had in a long time even, slow and precise more. He pats his hip softly and repeatedly, slowly down with Shane’s pacifier sucking. Trying to keep him firm and steady in his arms.
“Blankie.” Is muffled behind the pacifier. Ilya shifts both of them to hand blankie to Shane, who promptly starts rubbing his nose and face with it. Ilya continues rocking, listening to Shane’s breathing, and listening to his rhythmic sucking.
“You can close your eyes. I’m here.” He tells him and Shane shakes his head no.
“Couple more minutes.” Ilya is happy he picked the right thing to do.
“Okay.” As they rock more and Ilya watches the weight of the world slip from him. Half lidded eyes, soft facial expressions, peace. “Next time you’re too tired tell me.” Shane informs him. Shane nods sleepily.
“Didn’t know.” His wrist is getting tired from supporting him and patting his hip, but he doesn’t care. He could do this all night if it meant Shane would sleep peacefully.
“I know. Is okay. Just, you can sleep. I won’t stop for a while.” Shane gives him a look as if to see Ilya is telling the truth. When he has decided he is, sleep slips quickly and peacefully. He keeps rocking, keeping his promise for another five minutes before tucking Shane into his front to Kay down together. “You’re perfect.” He whispers and kisses Shane’s temple one more time before falling asleep himself.