Chapter Text
"Are you okay?"
A soothing voice asked. Kanade.
The question came out of nowhere during the making of Nightcord's next song. It didn't bare any relationship with the work they were doing, nor was it relevant to the lyrics she was making. It must be about her... self.
Mafuyu had to think, fast. If she replied she was fine, that would be typical of someone who wasn't fine. She was fine, really. She was.
But she couldn't be slow either. Too long of a pause meant she had to think--
"What do you mean?" Mafuyu said.
--and thinking means you're in doubt.
How do you make someone believe you're okay, without showing you're okay, but making them believe - and feel - that you're okay? She knows it's possible, she's done it before, but for some reason in this moment she blanked.
"Hmm... how are you feeling, that sort of question. I know you usually stay quiet during Nightcord sessions, but I wanted to check up on you."
"Oh..."
How was she feeling...? She felt nothing. Maybe a constant minor jabbing in her heart, but otherwise, nothing.
She can't avoid the question, nor can she say what she really feels. Both are bad. Avoiding the question means she has some response to it. Saying the truth would mean she'd get worried. Both can't happen.
She can't show any signs that she's struggling either. Any sign. Even the slightest hitch of breath, an icon mute, a pause, the wrong tone in her voice... Kanade would notice. She'd just have to...
"Actually... the juniors in the Kyudo club have been struggling lately, so I was worried thinking about how to help them. Sorry if my lyrics aren't good today."
... pretend to care about something she doesn't.
Just to quell her worries.
Just so she doesn't worry about her.
"Oh. I see. That's good."
I'm sorry. I can't trust anyone, not even you.