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The noise from the living room had died down some time ago. Kris wished for nothing but the mercy of sleep but there was too much going on in their brain. They were painfully bored from trying to pass out for hours. They could feel a black pit of self resentment gouging its way through their gut; they knew they would need the energy for tomorrow.
They ended up lying on their back, scanning the room as if there could be some new observable thing they hadn’t seen a thousand nights before. Their eyes passed quickly over the covered bird cage in the corner, praying not to will its tenant into becoming conscious of their attention.
Asriel’s computer sat in the opposite corner, humming softly.
Photos on the wall of Kris, Asriel and all of his friends.
They purposefully skip over his pristine bed; they couldn’t look at it for too long without feeling tears form in their eyes. Even the stupid trophies he kept on the wall over his pillows made their heart skip a beat.
The room was illuminated by a pale blanket of moonlight pouring in from the window. As they expected, simply looking around the meager room for the millionth time didn’t bring them any closer to sleep.
Time crawled by.
If someone had told them it had been years, they might believe them.
They faded in and out of lucidity; repeating the observational routine until, eventually, sleep or something adjacent to it swallowed their consciousness.
- - -
Their bed frame creaked. A painfully light sleeper, Kris stirred into waking unsure if they even heard anything in the first place.
What was rapidly becoming unmistakable however was the weight that was slowly pressing into the mattress and onto their body.
Kris softly mumbled the first and only thing that came to mind.
“Asriel?”
Kris felt his snout and cold nose push into their neck as they embraced. Asriel enveloped Kris in his arms and Kris wrapped their arms around his neck, tangling their fingers in his fur and pulling ever so gently. The monster spoke into their hair.
“It’s me.”
Kris let out a racking sob dredged from the bottom of their being, and dug their fingernails into his hide. After a painfully frustrating afternoon, after every stupid little thing they’ve been dealing with, month after month after burning month of loneliness, being in Asriel’s embrace was the only thing that could make them feel like everything was going to be okay.
The aching, ever-so-rare, intertwined pulse of relief and happiness burned in their veins.
“Shhh…” Asriel whispered into their hair.
Kris felt the light in their chest flicker slowly to life. A shadow of cynicism crept in right behind it. They thought about how unreal this seemed. There’s no way Asriel would show up in the middle of the night, therefore refusing his mother the ability to throw her usual spectacle over his return.
But Kris could feel his fur, his horns, his ears, pressing into their skin. Kris could feel the heat of the monster’s body encompassing their bed.
He had to be real.
He was bigger than they remembered. Laying atop Kris like a large white blanket, wrapped all around.
“I’m so happy to see you…” He spoke quietly into their ear. “...college is hell; I’m having fun, but I think about you every single day.”
Kris remained quiet, their breathing shallow. Asriel shifted to lay on his side, one arm underneath Kris as he nuzzled his head into their neck. Kris could barely make out the features of his face even in the moonlight.
“Didja miss me?” He said.
Stupid beast, Kris thought, staring at the ceiling.
Of course I did.
Of course I do.
Their heart was doing back flips in their throat, beats racing faster as every second passed. Asriel was back, in their arms, it was the one thing they wished for above all else.
But they would die before admitting that candidly to his face.
The answer to his question should have been obvious. If Kris spoke any further they were sure the illusion would shatter and they’d wake up from this fantasy.
Without responding, eyes shut tight, fingers tightly gripping Asriel’s arm, Kris’ mind wandered. This wasn’t the first time they’d dreamt of their brother.
Dreamt? He’s real. He’s right here.
Kris shook their head ever so slightly, hoping Asriel wouldn’t notice.
He’s. Right. Here!
“Well…” He sighed. “I missed you. If you couldn’t tell.”
Asriel’s words echo through Kris’ head. A mantra rings out from the dark layers of their memory, aided by their borderline delirious exhaustion.
Something they had repeated to themself over and over but had since lost in the time that Asriel had been away.
“Just don’t think about it too much.”
One of the things Asriel said the first time he crawled into bed next to them.
Something he said the first time his paws dragged across their torso.
Something he whispered the first time he slipped his cock into them.
Something Kris said to themself when they questioned their own feelings for Asriel.
It’s not like it's something they can just talk about with anyone.
Their mother.
Their father.
Noelle.
Not even the myriad of therapists they’ve cycled through in the last god-only-knows-how-long.
None of them know how Kris really feels.
So they
just
don’t think about it too much.
They love Asriel.
That’s all there was to it.
They knew how everyone would react. They could see the hypothetical future as clear as day.
The two of them would be separated and it’d be years and far too much hassle before they could see each other again.
Their mother sobbing at the kitchen table, unable to look them in the eye. Assuredly feeling like a failure that her children couldn’t be “normal.” Kris begging for her forgiveness.
Their father blisteringly angry, unable to find an easy way to “fix” his kids or his marriage. Letting his family down even though there wasn't anything he could have done.
Kris wasn’t afraid of their father. They weren't even sure if he had ever even actually attempted disciplining either of them. After so many years of misbehaving, Asgore was still pitifully, pathetically, merciful to his children.
Kris was simply playing the cards they were dealt.
They were always told to listen to their own feelings and follow their heart.
And so, it was Asriel.
It was always Asriel.
Until he left.
Then Kris felt alone. More alone than they ever had before. Kris was too young to remember the time before the Dreemurrs adopted them, but they were sure the loneliness was not as bad as that first month that he was gone.
Asriel’s warm voice brushing across their mind brought Kris back from an all too familiar precipice.
He repeated, “I missed you so so much. I….I didn’t think it’d be this bad…but…I think about holding you every night.”
Kris’ world spun. They felt dizzy. Orange star bursts pinging between neurons. He brought his arm up and cupped Kris’ face with his massive paw, his thumb pad stroking the soft skin under their lidded eye. Kris wanted to press their lips into his palm. Place their nose in the space between his fingers and fill their lungs with the scent of the fur there. The fur that somehow always smelt of firewood smoke.
“It can’t be sooo bad here without me, right?" He said, poking. Kris could tell he was stifling a smile, Asriel knew exactly how bad it could be.
"Make any new...friends I should know about?"
He pulled his paw away from their face gently. Kris could feel his eyes burning into their soul but they still wouldn't return his gaze.
The nagging voice in their head whispered, If he was REALLY here there's no chance in hell he would be acting like this. If you ignore it, it'll go away.
Asriel’s hand swiftly breached the bottom of Kris’ shirt and dragged his claws up their skin, tracing their ribcage. Kris trembled at the sensation of his pointed nails. Any additional amount of force would easily pierce their flesh; they both knew from experience. Asriel’s breathing hitched when he whispered again. “I-oh…your skin is so soft. I could just eat you up.” He covered Kris’ legs with one of his own, latching onto their body. He slowly nuzzled his forehead into their jaw.
“What, are you asleep?” He teased. “You mad at me or something? Talk to me…I've been away and you’re not gonna say a single thing?”
If Kris was in fact dreaming, it didn’t seem to be going away.
Asriel shifted into his best, most pathetic, puppy face and mumbled, “I could just go sit at my desk and play games or something.”
Kris finally snapped their eyes open and turned to press their forehead tightly against their brother’s. They lock eyes.
“There you are.” A grin slowly spread across his face. His disposition shifted almost imperceptibly. “Kris…” His splayed out paw covered their entire chest. He squeezed, digging his nails ever so slightly into the soft skin at the base of their throat.
Intentionally or not, Asriel had Kris pinned to the bed. His stature made Kris feel even smaller than they were. Kris knew what he wanted. Kris may have been unable to move but they knew they had him hopelessly at their mercy. Asriel could act like a brat all he wanted but Kris held the final say like a blade over his head. They enjoyed having power over the disproportionally large beast.
Kris slowly tilted their head and pressed their lips into Asriel’s. He hungrily kissed back without hesitation. Their heart was going to burst through their torso. Kris parted his lips wide with their own and slid their tongue against his. Familiarity with the layout of his mandible returning to the forefront of their mind like an old friend. Short, hot breaths and small whines passing back and forth. Asriel had begun pushing his hips against Kris’ thigh. Kris could feel the pressure of his girth growing rapidly against their leg.
His utter desperation sated them.
Kris slowly pulled their face away, a thin strand of saliva connecting the two. Asriel, eyes still shut, let out a pitiful moan.
“I killed a titan today.” Kris mumbled, their eyes almost lost in his.
“Pfft-” He scoffed, wiping his lip. “You killed a- no way. I can’t believe you still play that game we made up. What, are you and Noelle friends again?”
“Something like that. I’m…I’m so tired. I’m sorry I…” Their anxieties had melted away, soaked into Asriel’s coat, none of it mattered.
If he spoke again Kris didn’t hear. Asriel’s warmth, the pressure of his heavy limbs, and the fleeting weight of his tongue in their mouth were enough to make their brain pour a warm static into their consciousness, and they faded to sleep.
- - -
They awoke, yet again, and it was still the middle of the night.
The hot ball of anger forming in their stomach over being unable to get a full night's rest was promptly cooled by the memory of what their earlier dream had been. Except
Asriel was still there.
Though groggy, they realized their shirt was pushed all the way up to their chin, small parts of their skin exposed to the air, the rest still covered by their brother’s limbs. They turned their head slightly and gently bumped into Asriel’s snout. His eyes slowly opened, moonlight flashed into the goat monster's wide emerald irises. Kris felt heat crawling up their face, staring into his eyes dredged up memories of the pleasant days before he left.
The eyes they would carefully admire every morning when he stretched in the sun as he got ready for school.
The eyes that saw through each and every wall Kris ever put up, every lie, every avoided emotion, every choked down word.
The eyes that Kris lost themself in every time their parents fought.
“Hi.” He whispered. His eyes flicked to their chest. “Uh…sorry. About your shirt. It feels really nice to be fur to skin and I couldn’t help myself.” Kris exhaled a soft laugh. Asriel pressed his nose into their armpit and spoke nasally, “And I like the way you smell.” Kris shook slightly, the cold of his nose made them giggle.
Kris could feel Asriel’s erection forming again, a thrumming heat on their side; his length running parallel to their thigh.
They pushed Asriel’s shoulder and he relinquished his heavy limbs from their body without protest. Kris continued pushing and rolled him over onto his back, kicking a leg over his waist into a straddle, setting their weight on his stomach just above his groin. They put their hands on his shoulders and swiftly brought their face an inch away from his. “Kris…” He whined. “Kris, please.”
“You said you thought about ‘holding me every night.’” Kris whispered, almost mocking him,
“How often are you thinking about fucking me?”
Asriel smashed his face into a grimace, like he’d just been caught stealing. A smile briskly spread across his lips. A sharp toothed smile that only a wild animal could make.
“Every goddamn day.”
They kissed furiously. Again and again. Wet and forceful, pushing into each other back and forth. Kris held him down as much as they could, drinking in desperation through his maw. Relishing in the heat of his breath.
Kris broke from his lips, shifted down, and began grinding roughly against him. Leveraging their weight against his armpits, digging into the skin under his fur, pushing their hips down as hard as they could against his crotch. The thin fabric of their boxers just barely held either of them back. Kris’ breathing became jagged, letting soft moans slip as they slid heavily back and forth against him.
They moved their hands off of his shoulders and dragged them up to hold his face tightly, pressing their sharp elbows into his sternum. His arms free, he latched his hands onto their hips without hesitation. Thumbs clasping across their stomach, his fingers groping tightly. He bleated a moan between clenched teeth. He bucked his hips up, using his strength to push Kris harder against him. Kris pried his mouth open, pulling his lips and pushing their fingers against his sharp teeth.
They thought of how bad the boy’s oral fixation was when they were growing up. His eyes were closed in bliss, he suckled and whined on Kris’ fingers, covering them in his spit.
The fire in Kris’ chest spread hot prickling tendrils through their nerves. Asriel wanted them this bad. Asriel, who could have anyone he wanted, and knew that. Pressing his shaft into their aching clit through thin fabric with a fervor they couldn’t imagine him getting over his own shame enough to do with anyone else.
His so-called “first kiss”, years ago, sent him into such a panic he didn’t talk to anyone for a week.
Funny, he didn't act like that after the two of them kissed.
Never even acted like that after they fucked.
With Kris it was like he was a different person.
Kris pulled their fingers out of his mouth and closed his jaw. They held it shut while vigorously shifting their hips back and forth against his, head collapsing to his chest.
Asriel’s eyes were shut tight while sucking in breath through snarled lips.
They released him and slammed a fist down onto his chest. Their movements slowing. Panting, Kris slowly spoke;
“Of course I fucking missed you, dumbass. How dare you think I didn’t.”
In one swift movement Asriel exerted strength Kris could never imagine being able to compare to. He lifted Kris off of his waist with one hand clasped around their stomach, moving them up towards his head. At the same time his other hand peeled their boxers down and Kris pulled one leg up and through. They kicked their boxers across the room. He gently placed Kris so they straddled his face.
Snidely Asriel bleated, “Will you ever forgive me? How can I make it up to you?”
Kris rolled their eyes and buried their fingers deep into the fur on his head. They pressed down onto his mouth and met his warm lips. Quickly meeting the tempo they were grinding on him moments before, he eagerly rocked his jaw and met their rhythm. His wet tongue fit perfectly between their legs. Kris threw their head back, panting out breath after breath, squeezing his head with their thighs like a vice. Asriel moaned desperately into them. The fire in Kris’ stomach spiraled up and through their veins unleashing in a choked shout. They crumpled down, embracing his head, out of breath.
Asriel scooped Kris up with both hands like they weighed nothing. He stood from the bed, their legs naturally wrapping tightly around his torso. Foreheads pressed together again, Kris’ fingers tangled tightly around his face.
“You taste like heaven.” He said, catching his breath.
“Okay I forgive you, just, never say that to me again.” Kris shot back, panting harder. They pushed their lips into his, their tongues brushing roughly.
Asriel broke away. He dropped Kris onto the bed and rolled them over. Deftly spreading their legs and propping their hips into the air, pulling their hands between their knees, posing them easily, like a toy. With one heavy paw he shoved their head down into the mattress and held it there. He dragged his other hand across Kris’ groin and circled a heavy finger just inside of them. Kris let out a long muffled mew.
Pushed into the mattress Kris’ vision was black, but they could feel Asriel’s energy radiating off of his body. Kris knew presenting in his favorite position was making him lose what little self control he still had.
He pushed his finger deeper into them and any further thoughts fizzled into nothing. They instinctually eased back onto his hand, mouth wide open with a silent exhale. He found Kris’ rhythm with ease.
Kris shifted so they could see his face through his fingers. They relished in his expression, a mixture of tightened focus quickly giving away to animalistic lust.
They locked eyes. Asriel grinned. He slowly slid a second finger into them and Kris effortlessly pushed back, their eyes rolling into their skull. Asriel raised his tempo, Kris synced their hips.
Kris gripped the mattress and bucked back on to him wildly, barely squeaking out,
“A-Asriel….”
Just as Kris was about to reach their apex, Asriel stopped thrusting his hand. He pulled his fingers back slowly. Kris felt starbursts across their mind again as he released them. Their hands slowly relaxed the sheets as their brain tuned back into a channel of conscious thought. The first thing they could conjure up;
“No…” Kris whined into the darkness through their panting breath.
Asriel’s grin from moments ago flashed in their mind. They knew he’d be ecstatic that they were asking, practically begging, for him.
Their channel of consciousness was, as expected, spiked with a prick of anxiety. This pulling feeling in their gut. This need they felt for Asriel, that came with an ice cold splash of guilt.
They weren’t good enough for him, he could have anyone he wanted.
But…this is just a fantasy, isn’t it? Why are you so worried about getting in trouble?
It’s just a dream after all.
Don’t think about it too much.
Asriel grabbed Kris by the waist and pulled them to the edge of the bed, standing he pressed his undressed form tightly against their hips. Kris’ anticipation silenced the hazy pain in their heart. They pushed their hips back against him and whined again into their blankets,
“Asriel…”
He hadn’t spoken but Kris knew the look that would be plastered across his face. A crooked smirk crawling along his lips while he savored every second of Kris’ desperate grinding.
He whispered, “What? You want something, little puppy?”
His arrogance was almost enough to make Kris snap but they could afford the boy some lenience. Their need for him was overwhelming the urge to tease.
“Please…” Kris whispered, “Please I need-“
Their words hitched as Asriel slowly, finally, pushed his way into them, just barely breaching their warmth. Their eyes rolled back into their head.
Kris had thought about it almost every day since he left but they had forgotten how it felt to take him, even just his head, and their mouth hung open in a silent gasp. Asriel’s strong grasp on their hips kept them from going anywhere.
“Oh, Kris.” A whining tone tailing their name, as if Kris was the one keeping him from plunging deeper.
He slowly pushed himself forward, watching as Kris gripped their bedsheets tighter with each passing inch.
Kris found their voice again and let out a long mew just as Asriel bottomed out. A low rumbling growl from deep within his chest, as if just the sight of Kris taking him entirely was enough to be satisfied.
“Wow.” He breathed, pushing his weight down onto them to ensure they took him completely. Their small form was quaking and they were as tight and hot around him as he could remember.
Kris’ brain was short circuiting, Asriel’s full girth made them feel like they were bursting at the seams. They desperately threw one hand back into the darkness in an attempt to grasp his fur and found purchase at his thigh to catch his attention. They conjured their voice to just barely cut through the warm air.
“If you don’t stop staring and fuck me right now, I swear on your life I’ll-”
Another deep growl. He pulled out, almost completely, and swiftly plunged back, using his weight to his advantage, instantly shutting them up. He repeated the action, pulling out and pushing himself all the way back in one swift motion. Kris melted around his cock, taking each thrust easier than the last.
Each time his length filled them, every inch pushing Kris open, the doubts in their mind got quieter and adoration for their brother shined through like a flashlight in the deep forest.
This is exactly what they needed.
Asriel’s tempo grew. Kris let out a squeak with every pump. They were tearing at the bedsheets now, their only anchor against Asriel’s quickening pace. As he pounded, Kris felt saliva dripping onto the sheets from their open mouth. Letting him have their way with him, all they could think about was how to never let him leave.
Between his thrusts Kris choked out;
“Don’t leave me again.”
Just as they suspected, this put him over the edge. An animalistic rumble bubbled up from his stomach. He slammed into them, bottoming out one more time, and released. Dumping his load while letting out a long, low, roar. Letting out every ounce of stress he’d built up over the last however many months at school. He held his position, trying to catch his breath but not ready to part. Kris drew long ragged breaths, twitching softly around him.
Slowly, Asriel withdrew, staring down, proud of his work. Kris felt their mind dialing back from light years away, the ability to move their limbs still lost to the cosmos. They fell flat onto the bed, Asriel followed shortly after.
Breathing heavy, Asriel was like a space heater while taking up most of the mattress. His arm draped lazily across Kris’ back. Eyes closed, he panted lightly into their ear, “I’ve missed you sooo much.”
Kris lost track of time. The specter of their consciousness pleasantly floating ever so slightly above their tangled bodies.
Seconds or minutes or hours could have passed but eventually they opened their eyes again, slowly, only able to make out the top of Asriel’s head from their position.
They dragged their arm up and placed it on his cheek, lightly brushing his coat with their thumb, soaking in the warmth.
“You’re pathetic.”
Kris’ eyes shot open, a sharp bolt of fear laced down their spine. The words came from Asriel but it sounded like multiple different voices speaking at once, none of them his.
“You disgust me.”
Kris slid back to the wall, attempting to shove Asriel away but hindered by his heavy arm. His green eyes unfocused and staring blankly into nothing. Jaw hung open as the voice’s words poured out, siphoned like mercury directly into Kris’ mind.
“You called for ME! You begged for MY help! Cast your reel into the unknown and caught ME on your hook!
But all you want is Him.
What makes you so special? Like you have any clue what he wants. You know nothing, child. He’s mine.”
Kris slammed their eyes shut and pulled their arms to their chest, clasping a vice grip around their face, digging fingernails into their skin. Cornered between the bed and the wall.
This fathomless fear was not unfamiliar.
Asriel’s presence slipped off the bed into the dark leaving a vacuum behind, taking all of the oxygen from the atmosphere.
Their chest tightened. Their heart thudding violent quakes through their body. They slowly opened their eyes.
When did it get so dark?
The light from the moon had been switched off. They were paralyzed.
They felt a weight press into the foot of their bed once again but it was impossible to see even their own hand in front of their face.
The weight began to move up the length of their bed quickly
too quickly.
Kris yelped, scared into motion, throwing themself under their blanket and curling up into a fetal position.
Through the thin fibers of their covers,
through their closed eyelids,
a disembodied face is launched through the choking darkness like fire, scorching their retinas.
A terrifying face, one not dissimilar to their own, framed by long brown hair.
The skin on the face began to boil, sloughing down in sheets as it started to laugh.
A horrible, cruel, indiscriminate laugh.
The melting skin forming waterfalls of viscera, pouring down into the infinite void of their subconscious.
Kris shouted, loud, straining their throat, against the heavy darkness.
They violently kicked and punched, their fists hitting nothing but empty air. The weight on their bed dissipated. The face was gone so quickly they questioned if they had even actually seen it.
The pitch blackness that enveloped the room only moments before had quickly waned into the first flecks of sunrise
They sat up. On the verge of hyperventilating, clutching their bare chest. Eyes wide, scanning the room back and forth.
They were wide awake, they still didn’t feel like they had ever been asleep in the first place.
If they were younger they would be expecting their mother to be rushing into the bedroom to investigate the shouting, but they knew Toriel either hadn’t heard them or was simply ignoring the noise.
It’s not like it was uncommon for Kris to yell in their sleep.
It’s not like she would be able to do anything anyway. They stopped taking their mothers actions personally a half a dozen incidents ago.
Kris pressed their fists into their eyes so hard flowing rainbows filled their vision. They fell back hard into their pillows. Their heart rate returning to a steady rhythm, they groan.
A rare, pleasant fantasy book ended by a nerve shattering nightmare. The harsh roller coaster of emotion their brain subjected them to felt like a prank. Some kind of sick joke that someone at school would play.
Like a punishment.
Maybe they deserved it.
Kris screwed up their face in a pained, desperate grimace.
Not because of what they had just dreamt, but because the feeling of him was gone so quickly they couldn’t fall asleep comforted by even the thought of his fur coat.
They ached for more. They ached for something real.
They pulled their legs up to their chest and wrapped their arms tightly around so they formed a ball. Squeezing tightly. Tighter and tighter and tighter still, hoping to condense so hard they implode and create a black hole in their bedroom that sucked all of Hometown up into nothingness. Destroying every useless little knickknack and trophy and memory that Asriel left behind.
They became aware of the clock on the nightstand.
Susie’s words from yesterday evening flashed in their mind. Kris really hoped today wouldn’t be the same as yesterday.
They felt ragged, a doll that had been dragged through the dirt.
A doll with a never-ending void where their soul was supposed to be.
The birds outside had already begun warming up their morning melodies. Kris stretched their legs off the side of the bed, groaning the frustration out into the empty room. They slowly slumped to the floor and crawled on hands and knees to the window.
Resting their head in their hands on the sill, eyes half lidded, they stared into the grey dawn.
The trees lazily swayed in the wind.