Chapter Text
sunghoon ran both hands through his hair as he paced around his room anxiously, the same way he had been for the past fifteen minutes. he had a tendency to overthink and build things up in his mind until he disassociated, but he kept telling himself that this time, it was warranted. the staff had just announced that enhypen would be the first group invited to participate in the return of the pepero game—a mostly harmless competition game where pairs of two members bite the ends of a pepero stick in an attempt to leave the shortest amount remaining, all without touching lips.
while the rest of the members had been celebrating since the news broke—the game was popular and exciting in korea, not only for idols, but at parties and social gatherings, as well—sunghoon couldn’t share the sentiment. he had absolutely no idea what to expect. they’d been told that for the return of the game, they were allowed to choose their own teammate, at least. under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t hesitate to ask sunoo to be his. he loved teasing the fox no matter the setting, nevermind if the staff or a few cameras were watching. and besides, they had agreed before that if enhypen were ever invited to play, they would surely find a way to be partners.
but things with him and sunoo had been…rocky at best lately.
sunghoon had spent the last fifteen minutes reliving the horror of the golden disc awards afterparty in absolute agony.
⧫ ⧫ ⧫
it was already past eleven pm by the time the awards concluded, and sunghoon was exhausted. the group had just performed a challenging set to conclude the show, all with live vocals, and most of them wanted nothing more than to go straight home and climb into bed. unfortunately, attendance at the afterparty was mandatory. important hybe producers and managers often showed up to congratulate idols on any awards won or to critique their live performance, and they were expected to graciously accept the feedback. sunghoon had sighed as he climbed into the company limo behind ni-ki, falling heavily into his seat.
he propped his head against the freezing glass of the window, thankful for the chill on his burning temple. he could feel a beginnings of a headache coming on and tried to breathe through it.
just then, sunoo had entered the cab, his entire face aglow with a bright smile as he praised them for the night’s success—they had won album of the year, after all. sunghoon couldn’t help but smile at sunoo’s raw emotion. the fox truly always had a way to lift everyone’s spirits. even heeseung, who had undoubtedly given the most to their performance that evening and was clearly feeling his efforts, sat up to pat sunoo on the shoulder.
“we should be proud!” sunoo insisted, “the crowd was deafening for our whole performance.”
jungwon, always the supportive leader, nodded vigorously in agreement. “i couldn’t hear my own vocals,” he joked. jay and jake chimed in then, offering their own amusing accounts from the performance. their words jumbled together as they laughed at wardrobe malfunctions or moments when they couldn’t hear the backtrack while singing until everyone was joking along, certainly in better spirits. but sunghoon’s eyes hadn’t left sunoo.
a faint smile still plastered to his face, sunghoon took in every detail of sunoo’s elated expression until he thought he might jump out of his seat just to be closer to the fox.
the two boys had been wrestling with their feelings for one another since their days in i-land, as was no secret to them or even the others. but it had become harder to ignore lately. the longer they lived and worked together, the more comfortable they became—and the more bold. sunghoon no longer hid his prolonged smiles or longing stares, and sunoo no longer pretended to be annoyed at sunghoon’s teasing when he secretly enjoyed it.
it was entirely too obvious how they felt about one another, now it was just a matter of who would make the first move. everyone seemed to think it would be sunghoon. sunghoon mostly disagreed.
sunoo had just caught him staring across the cab as the limo began rolling to a halt. sunghoon felt his cheeks reddening, but he still couldn't pull his eyes away as sunoo’s playful chuckles melted into a knowing smirk at having caught sunghoon in the act. the fox’s narrow eyes traced him up and down—and sunghoon realized he would definitely need a drink when they got inside.
the seven of them filed out of the backseat onto the busy sidewalk, just outside the entrance to an unfamiliar building. the building sat on the corner of the street and stood at least a dozen stories tall, with lights on in the windows of every floor despite the late hour of the night. another limo pulled up at the rear of their own then, and several members of the staff joined them on the sidewalk, leading the way inside.
sunghoon adjusted his tie as they entered the dim lobby; he glanced around as they were signed in. this floor was quiet and unoccupied apart from a few passersby—he relished it while it lasted. after a moment, an escort led them to the elevators, and they were carried up to the party. music and chatter roared in their ears even before the elevator doors slid open. “enjoy yourselves, and remember to always make a good impression,” a member of the staff forewarned just as they reached their floor and were let into the clamorous event.
they lingered by the door for a moment before deciding where they would end up. jake cleared his throat, asking, “wanna grab a drink, hoon?”
“yes, please,” sunghoon blew out a breath as he tried to adjust to the noisy setting. “anyone care to join?” his eyes scanned the group, falling on sunoo last. he needed to loosen up before making any more clumsy moves tonight. sunoo’s eyes revealed nothing as he and jungwon politely declined the offer. “&team was at the show tonight, so they must be attending the afterparty as well, right?” jungwon thought aloud.
sunoo gasped with excitement, “that means taki, k-hyung, and the others must be here!”
“we should go find them,” jungwon agreed with a smile, dragging jay along with them. sunoo gave sunghoon a final look—something between a grin and a smirk—and disappeared into the crowd. sunghoon tried to return the look without overthinking what the hell that meant, and let jake lead the way to the bar, heeseung and ni-ki opting to join them.
sunghoon ordered a beer for himself and did his best not to scan the room for sunoo every two minutes. apparently he was failing. “sunghoon, you’ll see him again later, just enjoy yourself,” jake was speaking into his ear, throwing an arm around his friend’s shoulder.
sunghoon sucked air in through his teeth awkwardly, waving off jake’s remark. “i know, i know. it’s just overwhelming, all of this,” he gestured around the room as he leaned back on the bar top.
“well, if we have to be here, we might as well make the most of it, right?” jake said, drawing heeseung and ni-ki in with a wide smile.
“hey, sunoo was right earlier,” heeseung said, and sunghoon almost flinched at the name. “we won a bonsang! we should be proud.” he held up his small soju glass in a toast.
ni-ki shook his head with a chuckle, raising his own drink high.
“alright, alright,” sunghoon gave in, joining in as heeseung spoke:
“to tonight, and the new year. may they both bring unexpected surprises.” sunghoon’s throat tightened as he swallowed a drink of his beer.
⧫ ⧫ ⧫
it was always easy to tell when sunghoon was drunk—he became a completely different person. he spoke without thinking, and with that he gained a certain confidence in himself. a confidence that he definitely shouldn’t have, but that he also couldn’t contain once he acquired it.
“i think we should go dance,” he was saying to jake, his words sounding off, like they were floating around his head. jake was also a few drinks in, so he quickly agreed.
before they could slip away, however, heeseung stopped them short. “are you sure that’s a good idea? the staff said to make a good impression, remember?”
jake sighed and rolled his eyes. “we probably won’t even meet anyone, they’re all over there, see?” he threw his arm up to indicate the far end of the room, away from the bright lights and sweaty bodies, where all of the important guests were gathered as they engaged in professional conversation.
heeseung pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. “i can’t believe i let you two drink this much.”
“even i’m not that wasted,” ni-ki said with a laugh.
“we’re not ‘that wasted,’ we’ll be fine,” sunghoon insisted, not listening to any more arguments. he heard heeseung and ni-ki calling their names as they left the bar, but he felt too assured to care.
as soon as they reached the dance floor, however, sunghoon realized he had made a mistake. everywhere he turned, he was colliding with another body; it was starting to make him dizzy. and the music was too loud to dance to—he couldn’t even find a beat.
he attempted to stick close to jake, who didn’t seem so fazed amidst the confusion, but the crowd was shifting and they were suddenly being separated. “jake–” sunghoon started, but it was no use. he turned again to look for a path out of the crowd just as a stranger to his left swung her arm out, her elbow catching him right in the gut.
a wave of nausea overtook him and he doubled over, hardly even hearing the girl as she began to apologize. he just wished everything would go quiet.
he started as a gentle hand gripped his shoulder, his first thought being that it was the girl, but as he lifted his head, relief washed over him at sunoo’s image swimming into focus. concern was written all over the fox’s face. “hey, hey—sunghoon hyung, look at me,” his voice was echoing, unclear, and his mouth wasn’t synced with the words he was speaking.
sunghoon blinked, not knowing how to respond. instead he grunted, “bathroom—feeling sick. it’s too loud.”
sunoo nodded and immediately took his hand, moving fast. sunghoon tried to keep pace, but he was dragging behind, not able to maneuver as swiftly as sunoo could. he heard sunoo ask an unfamiliar man for the restroom, and sunghoon suddenly felt embarrassed. what if the man was important? what if any of these people were important, and here he was looking like a fool in front of them when he was supposed to be making a good impression. his drunken confidence was slowly ebbing.
“here we are,” sunoo was saying, leading sunghoon through a swinging door. sunghoon heard the lock click and the piercing overhead light being flicked on, and he and sunoo were alone. he slumped against the door with a groan, still holding his stomach. “sunghoon hyung, what did you do to yourself? it’s only been half an hour–” half an hour? it had felt like three.
“ughh, it was only a few beers–”
“a few?? hyung, you’re such a lightweight.”
sunghoon swatted at sunoo playfully. “you’re a lightweight,” he retorted.
“okay, okay,” sunoo sighed, stopping sunghoon’s hand. “you’ll fall over if you keep that up.”
come to think of it, sunghoon did feel like he was swaying. at least he didn’t feel dizzy anymore. sunoo’s steady grip on his arms was helping with that. now that he was up close, sunoo didn’t look quite so blurry. he just looked…pretty. really pretty. his suit fit his lean frame in all the right places, and sunghoon liked that he had chosen a bowtie over a regular tie for his outfit tonight. it suited him.
sunoo’s face was even prettier. he was wearing eyeliner, winged perfectly at the corners of his fox eyes, and his bangs were tousled across his forehead. his lips were shinier than usual—he always wore more lip gloss when he wanted to make an appearance. sunghoon began to wonder who he was always trying to make an appearance for.
“hyung, you’re staring again…”
“mm. let me stare. you’re pretty,” sunghoon slurred.
sunoo glanced away shyly, his cheeks heating up. “you’re drunk…you don’t even know what you’re saying.”
“how can you be so sure?” sunghoon asked, hoping he would get a real answer.
sunoo hesitated before meeting sunghoon’s eye again. they held each other’s gazes, as though they were studying one another. sunoo opened his mouth to speak, but quickly cut himself off with a huff of laughter. “i’m sure you’ll be thinking a lot more clearly in the morning,” he said at last, dropping his hands.
“sunoo-yah, i–”
“if you’re feeling better, we should go find–” but sunoo never got to finish. he was cut off by sunghoon’s lips meeting his own in a single—if not clumsy—motion. a startled sound left the fox’s throat, but he didn’t pull away. sunghoon’s chest could’ve exploded with the speed his heart was pounding, but the way sunoo’s lips slotted perfectly between his own was even more intoxicating than any of the alcohol in his system. for one single, fragile moment, they held the kiss—neither daring to move an inch. but reality quickly shattered the facade.
it was sunghoon who pulled away first, as it fully dawned on him the immense mistake he’d just made. his expression was rigid with shock as they broke the kiss. “sunoo, i’m– i’m sorry, i don’t know why i did that–” but sunoo wasn’t listening; he wouldn’t even make eye contact now.
sunghoon’s mind was reeling again, and the nausea from earlier was returning. it was impossible to decode the expression on sunoo’s face—furrowed brow and glistening lips slightly agape. he couldn’t stand not knowing what was going on in the fox’s head for another second. “sunoo…” he prompted, “please say something.”
“let me out.”
“sunoo-yah, wait–”
“i said let me out! please.”
sunghoon staggered away from the door as if sunoo had stabbed him in the gut, not knowing what to think. the roar of the party grew and faded as sunoo left sunghoon where he stood—disoriented and alone, and feeling like he had lost something.
⧫ ⧫ ⧫
so sunghoon had kissed sunoo. while he was fucking drunk.
they’d hardly spoken since that night. it had been almost a month, and they couldn’t so much as acknowledge each other’s presence unless they were in forced proximity—it was too painful for the both of them. the pepero game was two days away now, and as much as sunghoon wanted to ask sunoo to be his partner for the game, he physically couldn’t bring himself to face the potential rejection. it was torturing him.
as he spun around to retrace his pacing for the hundredth time, he heard a notification chime from the nightstand. he practically dove for his phone.
it was a text from jake: practice rooms in 10? sunghoon could’ve fainted with relief. he quickly sent back a confirmation text, grabbing the closest pair of shoes he could find and rushing out the door.
the dance studio was about a ten minute walk from the dorms, meaning jake must’ve gotten a head start. nevermind, sunghoon was enjoying the walk undisturbed, savoring the cool breeze on his overheated skin. the sidewalk was empty—a rarity for a day like this. the sun was beginning to set in the distance, melting behind the downtown city skyline into a blend of pink and orange and gold.
sunghoon took a right down a narrow side street, a shortcut he had discovered with sunoo several months back when they were running late for an early morning rehearsal. they had lost track of time that day as sunoo worked tirelessly to tame sunghoon’s morning bedhead. sunghoon still remembered how close sunoo had stood, delicately tugging a straightening iron through clumps of his hair. orange blossoms and vanilla had lingered on sunoo’s skin from his shower, and sunghoon had set his body rigid to keep from shattering the frail illusion. he wished he could go back to that day now, before he made things complicated between them.
he made a left onto the main street once more, the dance studio looming into view up ahead. forcing all final thoughts of sunoo to the back of his mind, he scanned his private access keycard and entered the spacious, deserted lobby. enhypen’s designated practice rooms were on the third floor, right side of the building. sunghoon took the staircase two steps at a time, finding jake and jay already in the middle of a run-through inside the first available room.
he shut the door softly to avoid disturbing them, leaning against the wall until they were finished. by the time the music came to a pause, they were both out of breath, sweat dripping from their temples. “trying to get ahead of me?” sunghoon quipped, arms crossed over his chest.
“aish! this one’s difficult, hoon,” jay panted, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. “have you gotten it down yet?”
sunghoon shrugged, half-frowning. “not entirely,” he admitted. “the chorus is…intense.”
the song was off their newest album, and they had been working vigorously on choreography for comeback performances and events. with a new music video releasing later this week, they would be expected to debut the new choreo soon after. everyone was feeling the pressure settle over them like storm clouds.
jake took a gulp of water and reached for his phone to reset the music. “we should run through it again and hit the worst sections. ready to jump in, hoon?” sunghoon nodded, once again grateful for the distraction for his troubled mind.
they rehearsed until their limbs were giving out and sunghoon thought he would surely be retreating to bed early tonight. at least they were more confident in their performances now, they all agreed as they sprawled out across the floor to catch their breath.
“the footwork is the hardest part of it,” jay was saying.
“mm,” sunghoon hummed in agreement. “i guess we better get used to it. surely this song makes it into our regular performance setlist.”
jake groaned, rolling onto his stomach. “the staff will have to drag me offstage when i pass out after each performance, then.” jay gave him a light whap on the shoulder, faux-scolding his complaints. as they pretended to wrestle with one another, sunghoon sat up to check the time on his phone. almost seven o’clock. no wonder he was starving.
“ah, i think i’m gonna head back and get something to eat. you guys coming?”
jake immediately got to his feet, pushing jay off him with a victorious look on his face. “absolutely—i haven’t eaten in ages.”
“actually, i’m gonna stay back,” jay said, still sitting cross-legged on the ground. his eyes were locked on his text screen now as he briskly typed out a message. “jungwon is coming to meet me here soon.” jake and sunghoon swapped a half-knowing glance, gathering their things together.
“don’t stay out too late, then,” sunghoon called as he and jake slipped out the door, waving jay a final goodbye. the sun had completely set outside and the temperature had dropped several degrees in the past couple hours. sunghoon suddenly wished he’d brought a jacket along with him; he quickened his pace as a gust of wind picked up.
jake cleared his throat a couple minutes into the walk and sunghoon turned to him, taking the hint that his friend had something on his mind. “hey, so…” jake began dubiously, “one of the reasons i asked you to come rehearse was because i assumed you were still in your head about the whole thing with sunoo…and i guess i thought you might need a distraction. since, you know, the game is a couple days away now.” his sentence fell off in a nervous laugh at the end—jake had never been great with confrontation.
sunghoon cleared his own throat, suddenly feeling a bit awkward. he shoved his hands further into the pockets of his sweatpants. for a moment he contemplated playing it off, but something got the better of him. maybe it was the sheer weight of all the anxiety he’d been carrying lately that forced the words to flow right out of him.
he told jake everything—from the little details he hadn’t mentioned about the afterparty to the fact that he and sunoo had hardly talked for the torturous three weeks since. jake’s eyes grew wider at every detail, but what shocked him most was sunghoon’s desolate text chat with sunoo, which truly hadn’t been used since that hellish night. “jeez, hoon—i noticed that you two weren’t talking in person, but not even texting?? you’re in deep shit.”
sunghoon scoffed, feeling hopeless. “well, thanks for all the encouragement.”
jake threw his hands up as a show of surrender. “well, you can’t be completely doomed yet. just– hand me your phone.”
sunghoon did the exact opposite, pulling the device out of jake’s reach with a suspicious look. “for what?”
“aish, would you just trust me? i’m not gonna do anything stupid!”
with a final begrudging look, sunghoon handed over his phone, attempting to survey over jake’s shoulder as he drafted a text in the message box. sunghoon could feel himself sweating now despite the cold. jake’s thumb was hovering dangerously close to the send button.
by the time jake finished typing, they had reached the dorms again, rushing inside for the warmth. they passed jungwon on his way out the door, and as he turned to greet them, his brow raised in confusion at the sight of sunghoon chasing after jake for his own phone.
“er…what’s this about?” he asked.
“nothing!” they said in unison, making a beeline for the kitchen. jungwon shrugged and left without further inquiry.
“let me see it already!” sunghoon exclaimed, straining to grab his phone.
“someone’s eager,” jake said as he slid it across the kitchen island at long last. sunghoon snatched it away.
hey sunoo. i know we haven’t really talked in a while. i just wanted to say that—
“‘i miss you’?” sunghoon cut off with a bewildered look. “it took you that long to write this?”
“well it’s true isn’t it? you might as well be honest! but you haven’t even finished yet, keep reading.”
sunghoon shot jake a glare but continued. we don’t have to talk if you’re not ready, but i was wondering if you’d still be my teammate for the game in a couple days. just let me know. he stared at the message blankly, mulling it over again and again until his vision blurred. jake began making ramyeon for them; sunghoon still hadn’t decided whether he should send the message or not when their meals were ready ten minutes later.
“what’s the worst that happens?” jake asked genuinely. his cheeks were stuffed with noodles.
sunghoon rolled his eyes as though it were obvious. he held up a hand, counting the possibilities on his fingers. “let’s see: he says no, he says yes out of pity and it’s even more painfully awkward than it already has been, or he doesn’t respond at all.”
“hoon, it’s sunoo. he’s not your enemy just because you had a fight.”
“you should’ve seen his face that night. after i…you know.”
“look, either you send it and face the slight possibility he says no, or you sit out of the game while heeseung and i take down the other members, never knowing what could’ve happened. your choice.”
sunghoon read the message again. unfortunately, jake did have a point. it was exactly what he’d been wanting to say for weeks, finally put into words. in sunoo’s text message box. ready to send. with the little blue send arrow only an inch beneath his thumb. half an inch. what was the worst that could happen? several things he was well aware of, but he guessed they didn’t matter much now. in a flash and before he could talk himself out of it, the message was sent, occupying the empty space at the bottom of the screen.
sunghoon silenced his phone and quickly ate what he could of his ramyeon, jake giving him an encouraging pat on the back but saying nothing else.
they soon retired to their rooms, and sunghoon refused to check the message the entire hour he was preparing for sleep. he settled into bed with a book he was too distracted to read, and when the not knowing finally got the better of him several minutes later, he flipped his phone over.
hidden beneath various social media alerts, a text notification from five minutes ago stood out prominently. from sunoo: i’d still like to be your teammate. how else would we kick the other members’ asses?
sunghoon’s breath caught in his throat, relief suddenly making him feel giddy. he was busy pumping his fists in the air excitedly when a second text came in: and i’ve missed you too.
sunghoon smiled at the notifications until he drifted off half an hour later.