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Michael had never been the kind of person that cared about his sexuality. He considered himself to be a fairly open person, hinting about his interests without ever actually saying the words ‘I like men.’
It wasn’t a big deal. He didn’t need to ‘come out’, so to speak. He was happy with the way he was. His bandmates didn’t care that he was clearly interested in the same sex. They didn’t question it, or demand a proper explanation. They let him do his thing, expressing his love for boys whenever he saw fit.
The thing was, the longer time went on, Michael wanted someone to say something. No one ever asked him. It didn’t matter, and he knew that. But no matter how many times he drew attention to his attraction to men, no one ever called him out on it. For once he wanted someone to just ask him, ‘do you like boys?’
For once he wanted to be able to say ‘yes.’
He knew that he should be grateful. Not being asked about his sexuality was probably a blessing. So many people that were attracted to the same gender were constantly pressured to come out. Michael never had that problem. Perhaps it was because he was so open about, so no one ever bothered to ask. But deep down, he wanted to be able to admit it, to say the words out loud without any jokes behind it.
***
Luke had been curious about Michael for ages. The older man was constantly talking about boys, bringing attention to the men in the crowds at their shows. He named his guitars after men, referred to them with male pronouns, and then talked about how sexy his instruments were. And then there was the whole swan thing in Bali. Michael was unashamed and open – but still, Luke was curious.
He knew that it wasn’t a requirement for Michael to come out. In fact, a part of him already considered Michael to be ‘out’, even though he’d never actually said the words out loud. However, sometimes he wondered if all that hinting was him begging for someone to just ask.
It was a tricky subject, and Luke wasn’t sure how to go about it. He wasn’t even sure if he should go about it. It wasn’t any of his business who Michael wanted to fool around with, or fall in love with. No matter what, he loved Michael.
But he wanted to make sure Michael knew that.
***
They were on the tour bus when it finally happened. Calum and Ashton had gone off exploring, always taking advantage of the privilege they had to see the world.
Michael was laying in his bunk, playing a game on his phone and wishing it could compare to his Xbox back home. Luke was trying to take a nap, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what he should say to Michael. If he should say anything at all.
The last thing he ever wanted to do was make Michael uncomfortable. But the second last thing he ever wanted to do was have Michael feel alone, and Luke worried that by staying silent he would be leaving Michael on his own.
“Michael,” Luke said, sitting up in his bunk. He turned to face Michael who was still staring intently at his phone.
“What,” Michael mumbled, tapping his fingers rapidly.
“Can I ask you something?” Luke asked, crossing his legs and laying his hands on his thighs.
“Sure,” Michael said, still not taking his eyes off his phone.
“It’s kind of personal,” Luke clarified. “Like, it’s none of my business, and it doesn’t matter either way. You don’t even have to answer if you don’t want to.”
This got Michael’s attention. He paused his game and sat his phone down, rolling over onto his side and propping his head up on his hand.
“Okay,” he said slowly. “You’re making me nervous.”
“Sorry,” Luke muttered. “I was just wondering, if…”
He paused, second guessing his decision to bring it up. It wasn’t his place, and he didn’t need to know. But he was already dipping his toes in. He figured he might as well jump.
“Do you like boys? Romantically?” Luke asked, rushing out his words so quickly even he would have trouble understanding them.
“What?” Michael asked, sitting up on his bed.
“Do you like boys?” Luke asked again. “Like I said, you don’t have to answer, and I don’t care either way. It’s just, you always hint at it, and no one ever just asks. Maybe you don’t want anyone to ask. I’m sorry. Forget I said anything, okay? It isn’t my place.”
Michael didn’t say anything for a while, staring at Luke with wide eyes. After a few minutes he started to laugh, bursting out into loud giggles and squeezing his eyes shut.
Luke stared at him, watching his friend tip his head back. “What’s so funny?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
“Fuck,” Michael said, panting as he tried to stop laughing. “Sorry, it’s just, it took you this long to ask. How long have we known each other?”
“Forever,” Luke said, not bothering to count the years. It felt like forever. Michael knew him better than he knew himself. They were best friends.
“Yeah, I like boys. I love boys,” Michael said. “I’m surprised this is the first time anyone’s asked me.”
“I didn’t know if you wanted anyone to ask,” Luke admitted. “I mean, it doesn’t matter either way. But I started wondering if all of the hinting was you trying to like, come out or whatever.”
“Not everybody ‘comes out’,” Michael said, getting up from his bunk. He walked the short distance to Luke’s bed and sat down beside him.
“I know that,” Luke said, turning his head to look at Michael. “But I just thought that maybe you wanted someone to notice. Or like, admit that we notice. ‘Cause I mean, it’s pretty hard not to with you.”
“I know,” Michael said. “I guess you’re right. It’s like, I know that you guys know. You totally knew before you asked me that the answer was yes. But yeah, no one’s ever just outright asked.”
“Yeah, I knew,” Luke admitted. “You don’t have to like, walk around shouting out your sexuality, but you don’t have to joke about it all the time if you don’t want to. You’re allowed to talk about it seriously. It doesn’t have to be like, a game of whether or not Michael likes boys. You can be honest and open about it without worrying that it’s suddenly gonna be weird if you don’t crack a joke after.
“I know it’s none of my business,” he continued. “You don’t have to act a certain way or anything. But like, if you like someone, like, really like someone, you can talk to me about it. If you want to.”
“I appreciate that,” Michael said. “I knew you guys would be okay with it. We’ve talked about it indirectly, but like, it’s different. ‘Cause it’s me. And I guess it’s easier for me to joke about it because it doesn’t have to be real. Like, if there was a chance that you guys would judge me, it can be ignored, since I’m always just kidding around.”
“I can’t speak for Calum and Ash – even though I know that they’re with you no matter what – but you’re allowed to like, make it real. It can exist without you worrying that we’re gonna judge you. We won’t,” Luke said. “We might ask you who’s the hottest out of the three of us, but we’d never judge you. Not for something like that.”
“Stop it, I’m getting misty,” Michael joked, pretending to wipe away a tear. “And it’s Calum, by the way.”
“What?” Luke asked, scrunching up his face.
“The hottest of the three of you,” Michael said. “It’s Calum.”
“That’s bullshit,” Luke said, pouting his lower lip. “It’s me.”
“Okay, Luke,” Michael laughed, throwing an arm around his friend. “It’s you.”