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For the longest time, Zhang Haixia had known that if he stuck together with Zhang Haiyan, he would be safe from drowning. Although there was no logical basis for this conviction, he didn’t find it odd in the least.
Besides, there were plenty of bizarre ways to die around Haiyan.
“Haixia,” the plague god whispered. “Are you awake?”
Zhang Haiyan could make out indistinct shapes in the mist. Stumbling and crawling, they appeared twisted and monstrous. He knew they were only people infected with the plague, stranded on the reef with them. He wished they would have been ghosts. Humans were far more terrible.
Haixia made a vague sound in reply. His gaze was stuck on the creases of Haiyan’s tattered coat. Haiyan shook him gently by the arm to get his attention. Haixia’s skin was clammy and crusted with salt, too warm to the touch. Dried blood stuck to his cracked lips like a rust stain. Haiyan resisted the urge to brush it away for fear of opening the scab.
Haixia managed to swallow a mouthful of water from the soot-covered flask Haiyan offered him. Without Haiyan’s knack for finding fresh water, they might have perished already.
“Are they going to eat us now?” Zhang Haixia asked calmly.
He had never been overly sentimental. The most sentimental thing he had done in his life had been following Haiyan to Malacca. Now he couldn’t move, his back was flayed open, and pain and fever blunted his thoughts. His head was resting in Haiyan’s lap, something he should have vehemently refused. But he could still smell the rot and chemicals of the ship’s hold, the stench of burning flesh and scorched metal. He would rather have died than admitted that the pungent smell of tobacco which clung to Haiyan like a curse was a comfort.
Zhang Haiyan peeked out of the depression in the dune where they were holed up. “Probably,” he replied.
Haiyan took a tiny sip of water, counting the blades in his mouth with his tongue. He didn’t dare move Haixia recklessly anymore. Wreathed in mist, the gruesome wounds didn’t look so bad. But once the fog lifted, everything would be revealed. They would be found. “I’ll take care of it.”
“You’ll kill them all?” Haixia coughed, smothering the sound with his fist. “In that case, leave me a blade.” It wasn’t hard to guess his meaning.
“You think I can’t do it?” Haiyan said, sounding annoyed. The tension in his body betrayed him. Not the relaxed readiness before a burst of action, but the anxious vibration of a trapped moth.
Weariness descended on Zhang Haixia, overwhelming as the tide. “I don’t know. You’re hurt but won’t complain, so it should be bad. I don’t want us to die together. Just don’t leave me to them.”
Haiyan covered Haixia’s mouth with his rough and sandy palm. Usually it was Haiyan who needed to be quiet, Haiyan whose teeth left indents on Haixia’s hand. Thinking of sharp teeth digging into flesh wasn’t so pleasant now.
At least Haiyan should understand that. Some of the memories they shared really weren’t worth remembering.
“Shut up. Stop saying such unlucky things. You tried to die for me already, you’re not getting a second chance,” Zhang Haiyan snapped. Despite the words, his palm trembled a little. He withdrew his hand and rummaged for something in his pocket.
“It’s fine,” Haixia said. He couldn’t see what was happening, only heard the uneven footsteps circling closer. Still some distance away. “I always thought you would be the death of me, anyway.”
Haiyan cursed under his breath. “Why are you so talkative now? Do you think I wanted to know that? Zhang Haixia, it’s no wonder you’ve never had many friends.”
The corner of Haixia’s mouth twitched, cracking open the scab. “I am fine with the one.”
He heard Haiyan sigh but couldn’t make out his expression, because what stared down at him was a dragon mask. Haiyan had used those when cultivating the myth of the plague god, the cheap kind sold at the street stalls. Someone might have taken the sight for a fever-induced hallucination, but not Haixia. That Haiyan had managed to hang onto this useless thing through fire and water didn’t surprise him much.
Through the mask’s dark eyeholes, Haiyan’s eyes seemed to ripple like water. He brushed away the hair from Haixia’s forehead. It fell right back, weighed with blood and salt. “I will be back. Trust me, Shrimp.”
With his head resting on the bundled-up coat, Haixia watched him descend the short incline and walk into the tidal waves without hesitation. The fog was starting to clear. He saw the waves crashing against Haiyan, who spread his arms like a child to welcome them. An iridescent ripple of light played on the water.
Haixia blinked his dry eyes. Thick clouds still blocked the sun. His sight was fading, taken over by pinpricks of black. He fought it, unwilling to let go. Haiyan was a small shape in the vast expanse of gray. It was hard to predict what he would do, what he thought he could still do.
This strange brother of his never explained anything, only expected Haixia to be one step ahead.
But some things were truly inexplicable.
The mysteriously faded plague sores on the insides of Haixia’s wrists.
The flask that didn’t run out of fresh water; the sparks he imagined between Haiyan’s palms as he held the metal bottle; the thin wisp of sea salt that floated out and landed on Haiyan’s tongue.
The times when the pain and the burning fever receded, when he saw Haiyan grimace and dig his nails deep into his thighs, when he senselessly told him to stop.
There were many mysteries Haixia wouldn’t be able to solve. This left him deeply unsatisfied.
His waning consciousness wandered over the dunes and towards the sea.
He couldn’t see Haiyan anymore.
﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌
A pearlescent glow shot through the waves like an arrow, searching for something. Zhang Haiyan was surrounded by a ghostly luminescence. It would draw every manner of creature to him like a signal flare. He hoped it would. Distant noises from the reef registered faintly. His attention was on the water, the shifts and currents, the half-understood whispers. Often they were an annoyance like the overheard half of a telephone call. Now he waited desperately for someone to answer.
“Come on,” Haiyan said crossly. “Hurry up, will you?” Water rushed into his mouth like it wanted to silence him. The wave dragged him to his knees, yet laughter escaped him in bubbles. Being underwater did not faze nor silence him. “Your grandson tried to be polite, but we are on human time here. I’m only a bastard in who knows what generation, so maybe I’m not worth your attention anymore, but I won’t shut up.”
The underwater glow filled his lungs and lit up his veins; he must look like a lanternfish. Half-instinct, half-memory, Haiyan felt the hook of his arrow snag onto something. “And I know how to do this, too.”
The next instant, he was snatched into deep water, roiling and sunset-red, circled by a presence so vast it was beyond comprehension. A booming consciousness threatened to crush him, indignant and demanding. He felt himself shrink into something very small and human and ordinary. He hadn’t even left Haixia a weapon. Had only touched his forehead in parting as though that could ever be enough.
No. Haiyan gritted his teeth. Even if it was this once, even if this was the last time, he couldn’t afford to be human or ordinary. The pressure in his lungs eased a little. “Ao Feng, we count as childhood friends. Well, I was a child, and you were a water-snake caught in a puddle. I wouldn’t dare claim you owe me anything, but I could really use some help here.”
He tilted his head to listen. “What, do you want me to pray? I can do that. But do you really want your relative to get eaten like a carp?”
A huge eye glared at him, clear and crimson in the tumultuous water. Haiyan flashed a grin, a show of teeth. “No, I’m not safe here, because I will return to that beach for my partner, and you’ll have to eat me yourself to stop me.”
Haiyan sensed a shiver of disgust from the enormous creature; humans were not to its taste. He felt a flash of fondness, and memories flooded through him, old burnished gold on water. It would have been easy to get lost, even if he lacked the skill to drown. He pricked the inside of his cheek to clear his head. The cloud of red billowing from his mouth made the dragon blink slowly.
“It has been a long time, Ao Feng. I learned some new tricks. But I have done all I can, and it’s not enough.” He stared at his hand, the fading silver glow. “Will you help me? I promise to give you anything I have – aside from him.”
I do not share your obsession with this human, a voice rumbled in his head. But your rash promises amuse me still.
I see what it is you want, little troublemaker.
Very well. Now you owe me a favor.
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Zhang Haixia awoke to someone picking him up. His fingers scrabbled for a stone, but he recognized Haiyan’s scent before his eyes cleared. The smell of the ocean was particularly sharp. There was something else, something beyond ordinary, but he couldn’t make sense of it. When he glanced up, it looked like the dragon mask was painted on Haiyan’s face, wet black lines and shimmering reds, like when they were children practicing disguises.
Haixia’s awareness of the environment was hazy. His sense of danger refused to connect with reality. Being carried felt like floating. He was not in pain. It was all disconcerting. A sheen of silver clung to Haiyan’s skin. A cool river flowed into Haixia’s ravaged flesh wherever they touched.
There were footsteps, running, closing in on them. He felt the swell of Haiyan’s chest and heard the quiet intake of air. No other disruption, only bodies falling to the ground as the blades found their targets. Nothing slowed down Haiyan’s steady march towards the sea.
“You look like a real plague god,” Haixia murmured.
Haiyan’s mouth quirked. The red on his chin might have been blood. “Stealing my victim away in the night.”
Haixia felt the water when it reached his waist. The waves had already drenched them by then. Haiyan’s footing was sure despite the pull of the ocean. He kept walking. They were both at home in the water, so perhaps this was fitting. It wasn’t what Haixia wanted, he wanted Haiyan to go home, return to Xiamen... But that might be impossible no matter how hard he tried.
A wave broke over his head and he choked a little. “Is this how we’re going, then?” Haixia asked, catching Haiyan’s eye. He was calm; the last time he had felt panic was on the ship. “I thought you’d want to take down a few more enemies first.”
Haiyan smiled, the glint in his eye like moonlight reflected off a blade. “What are you talking about? I’m going to take down all of them.”
Haixia frowned. He saw Haiyan’s features through the painted mask, the odd conviction and the familiar wildness. It had always drawn Haixia to him against common sense. He answered the smile. Even if the words were empty, it was a lovely sight.
Then a huge wave crested over them, and they were dragged away from land and pulled under. Haixia’s fingers remained crossed behind Haiyan’s neck, Haiyan’s hands tight at his waist. He kept his eyes open, unwilling to let go in any way.
Otherwise Haixia would have missed the nacreous glow which intensified underwater, the play of the currents in Haiyan’s hair, the revelation that his partner had no trouble breathing. Haixia’s lungs were aching when Haiyan pulled him closer by the back of his neck. He thought Haiyan was saying something against his lips. Haixia couldn’t make out the words. There was the stray thought that Haiyan still had blades in his mouth. No kissing with blades, that was a rule Haixia had set, but it hardly mattered now. They were already kissing, soft and wet under the waves.
Water rushed into Haixia’s mouth as Haiyan parted his lips with his tongue. He let it happen, let the dangerous rush of one more bad decision take over. Haiyan was insistent, sealing their lips together like he wanted to give Haixia the gift of his last breath. His tongue curled in Haixia’s mouth, hot and agile against tender flesh. It brought back a flash of sweltering nights and tangled sheets, sticky and disgusting and sickeningly sweet. His consciousness was drifting, escaping Haiyan’s anchoring hands.
Then something rolled from Haiyan’s tongue onto his – an object round and smooth like a pearl. Haixia closed his mouth on instinct, and Haiyan pulled him closer still, speaking into his ear.
“Bite.”
The word rang crisp and clear underwater. The urgency dragged Haixia back, used as he was to reacting to Haiyan’s cues. He bit down hard. The pearl burst into fine powder between his teeth, prickly on his tongue. Unable to hold his breath, he swallowed the grit with salt water. Unexpected warmth spread down his throat, collided with the burning in his lungs, replaced it. The pain melted away.
“Breathe.”
Haiyan’s voice in his ear again, unnecessarily loud. Haixia drew a careful breath, and the current flowed in. The ocean existed around him and inside him, yet he was no longer drowning. Breathing in the deep water, he pushed at Haiyan until he could look him in the eye.
“How..?” Haixia found that he could speak, though the words echoed and warped.
Haiyan grinned at him, boyish and open like every time he thought he had done something very clever. His death grip on Haixia eased a little, but it was still tight enough to hurt. At least Haixia could feel that.
“You’re glowing,” Haiyan said unhelpfully, twining a strand of Haixia’s hair around his finger. A faint light did surround him, and when Haixia moved his hand the light moved with him, swirling in the water. It wasn’t as noticeable as Haiyan’s fish-scale gleam, but entwined as they were, they were both caught in a cocoon of light.
It’s true, Haixia thought. He is a plague god and it’s contagious.
“Zhang Haiyan,” Haixia said as clearly as possible, “what did you do?” His mind felt bruised, but he was very clear on this. Haiyan had done something, and Haixia needed to know what so he could fix things when they inevitably spiraled out of control.
“I asked for assistance. Shouldn’t the plague god of the South Sea have some connections?”
It made little sense, yet there was no reason to lie. Haixia’s sigh emerged as a string of bubbles. “What will it cost you? You shouldn’t have done it for my sake.”
Haiyan pulled Haixia to him tightly. The water around him pulsed with an angry, green radiance. “That’s exactly why I should have done it – why I did it. You have no idea how expensive you are, so don’t you dare die and waste my efforts.”
Haixia had to smile faintly. “I’m not allowed to die?”
“Never,” Haiyan said, his eyes washed a furious silver. He grabbed the back of Haixia’s neck and kissed him with biting abandon. Haixia gave back what he could; though he felt weak, in this in-between state he wasn’t sick or in pain. He held Haiyan’s face between his hands, thumbs brushing the painted mask that wouldn’t come off at all, and directed the kiss the way they were used to. Everything he had belonged to Haiyan, anyway. What was one life, likely to be cut short? Haixia was fiercely, feverishly glad that Haiyan demanded it of him. His eyes fell closed.
The churning, dark water around them broke the spell. At last Haiyan let go, only keeping a hold of Haixia’s arm. He gestured towards the surface.
“Let’s go. I want to see what happens next.”
You always do, Haixia thought but didn’t bother saying. He let Haiyan pull him up from the depths towards the dim light above.
It was night. The fog had dissipated, revealing the ink-spilled sea and the hazy light of the moon. The reef loomed before them, dark and foreboding.
The waves rose around them, black and cold, crashing and biting. An anomalous wind whipped the sea into a frenzy. Haiyan had wrapped his arms around Haixia’s waist, and Haixia gripped his forearms with what strength he had. Amidst the ocean’s fury, they were spectators suspended in a spot of unnatural calm.
The waves grew taller than the tallest clocktower. They hit the reef like the lashing tail of a giant creature. The roaring of the waves drowned any human sounds. The faint light painted everything black and silver. Dark shapes scuttered on the beach like ants; then they were gone. The unfeeling waves blocked the reef from view.
Zhang Haiyan was laughing. Haixia could feel it, held as he was against Haiyan’s chest. The wild and unrestrained echo passed through him like underwater speech. Glancing back, Haixia saw the mad delight in Haiyan’s eyes – not new but more. He felt a stab of anxiety at not knowing his partner well enough.
“They’re gone,” Haiyan said, lips brushing the cold shell of Haixia’s ear. “Every last one of them. It’s just us left now. Are you listening?”
There should have been something terrible about that, but Haixia couldn’t grasp it. Everything slipped through his mind. The weariness from before threatened to drag him under, the agony of the past days bloomed anew. As his consciousness faded, the waves took on a crimson tinge.
“Good,” he said or thought he said. He felt Haiyan’s rapid heartbeat, heard Haiyan’s frantic words like an incantation, was aware of being carried towards land.
The night rushed at him without mercy.
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Six months later.
When Zhang Haiyan and Zhang Haixia were picked up by a fishing boat, there was no one else on the barren reef. They offered no explanation as to how they had managed to survive for such a long time. As to other survivors, their report stated that everyone else had been claimed by the sea – not an unreasonable conclusion. An unseasonal storm had ravaged the area for days. Given their skills, it was no wonder that the South Sea operatives were the ones to survive. It was an acceptable miracle, better left unquestioned.
Zhang Haiyan leaned against the wall in the corridor, staring out the arched window. The day was particularly bright, the ocean a brilliant blue. He felt an indescribable ache, like someone had scraped his bones hollow. These days the sight of the ocean made him sad. He twisted the strand of gray in his hair, thoughts somewhere far away.
“I always thought my hair would turn gray because of you,” Zhang Haixia said. He was sitting in a wicker chair by the window, seeming to enjoy the breeze. “But don’t you have gray hair because of me?”
Haiyan scowled. “Why would that be? Do you think I worry about you that much?”
Haixia gave him a sharp look. “I believe you gave up things you shouldn’t have. Do you think I remember nothing? That I would dismiss evidence because there’s no rational explanation? I know I should be dead.”
“Shut up!” Haiyan leaned down, his grip on Haixia’s shoulders maddeningly light. Their eyes met, no flash of anything other there. “Stop cursing yourself. If you were dead, what would be the point of me?”
There were many things Haixia could have said but none Haiyan wanted to hear. “You should have more than this. Is it really worth it, taking care of me, stuck in this place?”
Haiyan’s fingers trembled. “How do you know I don’t want it? Do you know how hard I worked to get us here?”
Haixia let out a long exhale. “I would have a better idea if you told me. But even if you don’t, I will find out eventually.” He reached out to run his fingers down Haiyan’s spine, slipping on the sweat-drenched shirt, all the way to the blooming butterfly scar. It matched the scar on Haixia’s back, albeit the size of a handprint and already healed. It shouldn’t have been there. Haixia pressed his chin down on Haiyan’s shoulder. Haiyan moved easily to accommodate him, so ready to figure out how they might fit together. It was beyond frustrating.
“This wasn’t caused by the explosion,” Haixia said, tracing the outline of the mark. “You didn’t have it on the reef… not at first. And the doctor told me the same thing: by all rights, I should be dead. Now he can’t even say whether I might walk or not because my case is too strange. Didn’t you see how spooked he was when he left? You might have to find another one. Again.”
Haiyan grumbled against the side of his neck. “What a pain. These professionals have a weak stomach.”
“Or they don’t like the thought of magic.” Haixia breathed in Haiyan’s smell. The stench of tobacco was light, there was a faint whiff of orange and no trace of sea salt at all. The latter had always belonged to Haiyan, no matter the disguise. “Whatever else you did, you gave something away for me. Don’t tell me it was a dream. Looking at you, I can tell something is missing. I know I’m not the only one who’s hurt.”
Haiyan’s breath hitched a little. “Then don’t you dare waste my efforts. If you want to hear another long-winded story, I’ll tell you, but let’s save it for a rainy day. That will make for a better setting. And it’s all in the past, anyway. For now… I suppose there’s no more plague god of the South Sea.”
Haixia drew back a little, searching Haiyan’s eyes. “Then I was lucky to see him. He was striking, I remember that. But it’s you I want here with me if I am to stay.”
Upon hearing that, Zhang Haiyan smiled slowly. Ever since they were rescued from the Flower Reef, he had felt like someone had peeled off his scales and poured him full of grief. On that cursed island, he had known what to do. But afterwards, he was more afraid than ever. Most of all, he feared that Haixia had not wished to be saved. He had given his all, but that didn’t mean Haixia wanted to live. He had been afraid he’d only bought them more misery.
And now Zhang Haiyan heard his partner, the person he loved most in the world, say: I want you here with me.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Haiyan said. “Did I say I wanted to leave? It’s got to be the two of us, otherwise no place is any good.”
He heard again the faint hum of the ocean, and it sounded like a goodbye. Or maybe it was simply the rush of blood in his ears because Haixia was touching him again. Slender fingers caressed Haiyan’s cheek, and it had been so long. Haiyan leaned into it helplessly, parting his lips in a gasp as Haixia’s thumb stroked the corner of his mouth. He went down on one knee without conscious thought. It seemed like a good place to be.
Haiyan looked up at Haixia and kissed his palm with a gentleness bordering on reverence. Haixia frowned at him, clearly thinking too much, so Haiyan bit the thin flesh between thumb and forefinger instead. Haixia’s other hand, carding through his hair, suddenly gripped tight. The burst of pleasure was unexpectedly strong. Haiyan hissed, looked up with narrowed eyes and saw the smile hiding at the corner of Haixia’s mouth.
“Here,” Haixia said, guiding Haiyan’s hands to his waist. “You can touch me.” Don’t treat me like I’m fragile was what he didn’t say – he didn’t have to.
At night, Haiyan dreamed of Haixia’s broken body on the reef, the monsters haunting them in the fog, and dealings with forces strong enough to shatter him. He knew exactly how fragile they were.
But Haixia’s skin was warm through his shirt. None of the ocean’s chill remained. His palms covered Haiyan’s hands, a demanding pressure. It was soothing to return to the ways they worked together. Haiyan was dragged away from the haunted beach to the sun-beaten room where his partner expected things of him.
Zhang Haixia was still looking after him, the way he had always done.
In this world of chaos, there were touchstones and constants.
Things that resisted change.
The slow secrets of the ocean. The quick burn of human passion. The way two precarious lives intertwined over the years.
Always better together, never to be separated.