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“Madre de dios–! Ow, dude! What the fuck!”
“I am kissing you, Julio.” Shatterstar explained, his arms around Rictor enough to stop the other man from getting away from him.
“You bit me! And why the fuck are you kissing me!” Rictor’s eyes were wide and wild, like a prey animal cornered by a predator, which was not Shatterstar’s intentions at all. Blood beaded on Rictor’s bottom lip from where Shatterstar had sunk his teeth into the skin, as he had seen Rahne do weeks ago. Rictor had been startled then, but not necessarily adverse to it.
“You’ve been gone, and I am happy to have you returned to me,” Shatterstar explained. Rictor planted his hand on Shatterstar’s shoulder and pushed, and Shatterstar allowed himself to be held at arm’s length, but his hands stayed firmly on Rictor’s waist. “I understand that there is a taboo around two men being affectionate towards one another openly, so I waited until we were somewhere private.”
Rictor swiped the back of his hand over his mouth, eyes bugging at the blood smeared over his knuckles. Shatterstar had perhaps bitten too hard, but he had been thinking about this moment since he had first seen Rictor take the girl Rahne into his arms and kiss her, so perhaps he had been over zealous.
“Dios nos ayude…” Rictor said under his breath, the hand on Star’s shoulder moving to pat him on the chest. “Look, dude, I’m happy to see you too, but this isn’t how friends greet each other, okay? Friends don’t kiss each other.”
“I am aware,” Shatterstar said evenly, unwavering in the face of Rictor’s confusion. “Julio, I am by no means an expert on the subject, but I am not completely ignorant to the more intimate relationships that can occur between two people. In fact, on my homeworld, for a time… I thought there was someone I had grown very close to. I was mistaken, then. I do not think I am mistaken now.”
“Wha– wait– you had a boyfriend on Mojo?”
“No. There was a woman,” Shatterstar explained bluntly. Rictor was slowly starting to relax in Shatterstar’s arms, though kept the distance between them, one hand on Star’s chest and the other resting on the arm wrapped around his waist. For now at least, his curiosity had gotten the better of him.
“Windsong…? Your, uh, wife?”
“No. I never met Windsong, only watched her vids. I never had any feelings towards her. There was another– I do not wish to talk about it.”
“Star… I mean, this is kind of big, don’t you think?” Rictor said. The alarm was leaving his expression, instead replaced with the soft sadness that Rictor often looked upon Shatterstar with. It could have been pity. Others probably saw it as such, but it didn’t feel like that to Star. “I thought you said you’d never… you know! You totally freaked when that girl got handsy with you at the club!”
With reluctance, Shatterstar looked away from Rictor, his hands slowly going slack so that he was no longer holding him in place and Star started to turn away. He stopped when Rictor caught his hand, but did not turn to face him.
“Hey, c’mon man… I said I’d help you with this stuff, right?” Rictor coaxed gently. His lip was still bleeding, but he let it be, even as it rolled down his chin. “Talk to me, man.”
“I have already spoken my piece, Julio.” Star said, watching Rictor from the corner of his eye. “It appears I have made another mistake.”
“N– Star,” Rictor let out a deep sigh, sinking down onto his bed and raking his hands through his hair. “You know, sometimes I wish I saw things as black and white as you do, amigo. You really do just follow your heart, huh? If the TV hadn’t told you that two men being together was wrong, this would’ve happened even sooner, right?”
“Shortly after I first met you,” Shatterstar confirmed, stepping forward and crouching down in front of Rictor. Rictor’s hands trembled slightly and he flexed his fingers over and over. “I am used to seeing beautiful people. In Mojo World, being aesthetically pleasing is very important for ratings. You must appeal to the audience in every way possible; I was praised for the way I was built, my face and the color of my hair. I understand that by human standards, I am also considered handsome. A… pretty boy, as Tabitha says.”
“Are you gettin’ at something, ‘Star, or just bragging?”
“I have a point. I was designed to be aesthetically pleasing, a practice that I know is deeply frowned upon here, which means, Julio, that you are beautiful purely by chance. When you were born, Za smiled upon you and blessed you with this beauty. I have admired it from the moment I saw you.” Shatterstar explained, daring to reach out and touch Rictor’s hair, carefully brushing it back behind his ear- he had seen this gesture many times in the vids that Tabitha liked to watch, but more than anything, he simply wanted to feel Rictor’s dark, glossy hair run between his fingers at least once. “Your mother tongue is like music to me. You have been kind to me. When we are apart, I feel like I cannot breathe deeply until you return to me.”
Rictor was quiet for a long time, his hands resting on his knees, curled into tight fists. Then, rigidly, he reached up to take one of Shatterstar's braids and ran it between his fingers, twisting the ends around his fingers. When Star leaned in, he didn’t move back. This close, Star could smell sweat and earth on Rictor, and saw how hard he shook the closer Shatterstar got. He startled when Shatterstar rested his fingers under his chin and carefully licked away the trickle of blood on Rictor’s chin and lip.
“Julio.”
“J-just… Just be quiet for a moment, man.” Rictor murmured. Shatterstar felt Rictor’s hands moving, tracing lightly over his collarbones, along his throat. Shatterstar stayed still; his throat was a vulnerable place to allow someone to touch, but he trusted Rictor and his non-reaction would prove that. He closed his eyes as Rictor stroked his fingertips over his cheek bones, following the lines of his tattoo with the edge of his nail. “Lo siento, esto tiene que quedar entre nosotros... Soy un cobarde.”
“No eres un cobarde,” Shatterstar assured him before their lips met again. It was a much more gentle kiss, a shy glance of lips before Rictor cupped the back of Shatterstar’s head and pulled him closer. His scalp buzzed under Rictor’s trembling hand, but he was not worried. There was always a tell when Rictor was truly engaging his powers, a snap of electricity in the atmosphere, the very air around him warping and glowing. This was simply nerves, as Shatterstar felt them too.
The kiss was clumsy as it deepened, a clash of tongue and teeth as Shatterstar chased sensation over technique. He swallowed Rictor’s gasps and moans more urgently than he’d ever consumed food, climbing onto the bed to pin Rictor under him until Rictor grabbed him by the hair and pulled his head back.
“Dude,” Rictor panted, his lips ruddy and kiss-bruised. Star wanted to bite them again, but resisted the urge. “Take it easy, I gotta breathe a little more often than you!”
“I apologize,” Shatterstar said insincerely. Rictor rolled his eyes, but his hand betrayed him as it gently caressed the side of Shatterstar’s neck. “This is the first time I have… Initiated something like this. I was overzealous.”
“Damn, your girl on Mojo had you whipped, huh?” Rictor said, a dark flush raising in his cheeks. Shatterstar’s gaze lowered as he considered that, before nodding minutely.
“She enjoyed my body, though often told me that she was giving me her body. I never asked for it. Our coupling was… confusing. We fought side by side, but it did not bring me joy the way fighting with you does. I did not… long for her as I do for you.”
“Wait…” Rictor pushed himself up onto his elbows, his brow creasing. “Star, did she make you do things you didn’t want?”
“I am warrior born. I am always in control of myself.” Shatterstar rebuffed, sitting back in Rictor’s lap. “My body reacted accordingly to the stimulation she provided.”
“That’s…” Rictor sighed heavily, pressing a hand over his eyes, dragging it down his face. “Amigo, just because your body responded doesn’t mean you wanted it. Do you understand? Like… At the club, when that girl touched you and you had those stirrings– you didn’t want them, right? It was involuntary?”
“... Yes,” Shatterstar replied in a whisper, something strange and uncomfortable swelling in his chest. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling like what he felt when he watched Rictor from across the room. This feeling was bitter and he didn’t want to linger on it, his body shuddering like he could physically reject it.
“Hey, hey,” Rictor called softly, reaching out to catch Star by the arms, his hands firm and warm on his biceps. Rictor squeezed gently and it was a sensation Shatterstar could focus on instead of the feeling in his chest. “It sounds like what that lady did to you was wrong. She made you do something you didn’t want to, Star. She took advantage. That’s not okay, dude, no one should ever make you do something you don’t want to, especially something like… that.”
“But my body felt pleasure.”
“Yeah, and I’ve had wet dreams about fucking Cyclops, dude, our bodies aren’t always honest. With… stuff like that, you know, sex… You gotta be into it. Excited about it, you know?”
“I am excited at the idea of intercourse with you.” Shatterstar replied frankly, and Rictor went red right up to the tips of his ears.
“Dios mío, dude, you can’t just say stuff like that.” Rictor huffed, his hands squeezing Shatterstar’s arms a little tighter. Shatterstar’s gaze lowered when he felt something hard pressing against him, the strain in Rictor’s trousers not unfamiliar.
“This is an involuntary response to my interest in intercourse with you?”
Rictor let out a strangled sound, reaching down to cover up his arousal. “Y-yes.”
“Then I am also forcing you to do something you do not want to…?” Shatterstar frowned, swallowing hard as the feeling in his chest seemed to lurch and churn. Rictor was still holding his arm, shaking him gently.
“Whoa, space cadet, take a breath! It’s different. It’s different, I promise.” Rictor spoke in a rush, licking his lips as a nervous tick. It broke the clot over the bite on his lip, blood welling up again. He scratched at his hairline, his eyes darting around the room. “Okay. I can see how this is confusing… But like, see how I, um, reacted without you having to touch me…? It means that I’m excited.”
“Julio, you are mumbling.”
“It’s embarrassing, dude!’ Rictor groaned, flopping back onto the bed with his hands buried in his hair. “Okay, okay. Look, that means I’m interested in sex with you too, okay?! You didn’t have to like, touch me to make me respond like that. Do you understand?”
“... I think so,” Shatterstar nodded, “in fact, I am also having this reaction at the thought of intercourse with you. Should we…?”
“No!” Rictor yelped, and now Shatterstar really was confused but he remained open to hearing Rictor out, moving out of the man’s lap when Rictor patted the spot beside him on the bed. Shatterstar gingerly lay down next to him, on his back with his head turned to look over Rictor’s handsome profile. “Sorry. But I’m not ready for that yet, okay? Kissing and stuff is fine, but… I’m not ready to go that far yet. Understand?”
“Yes, entirely.” Shatterstar nodded, and Rictor’s expression gradually relaxed, his brow smoothing and his lips curving in a faint smile. “Am I allowed to kiss you now, Julio?”
“Yeah. Si. We can make out.” And in fact it was Rictor who rolled over and kissed Shatterstar, but it was not like when Gringrave put her lips to his. With Julio, Shatterstar wanted to chase the feeling. He pushed his hands into Rictor’s hair and pulled them in so they were chest-to-chest. The scent of sweat, earth and blood was a heady mix that aroused him, but because Rictor had said he was not ready, Shatterstar did not pursue the feeling. Instead he kissed him until they had lost track of time, and their lips were bruised and when they finally broke apart, Rictor had his head resting on Shatterstar’s shoulder like it was the safest place for him to find rest. And while Shatterstar would like one day to have sex with Rictor, listening to his breathing slowly turn soft and even as he slept in Shatterstar’s arms was far more gratifying than anything he had ever done with Gringrave.