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Buck had been in hospital waiting rooms for all kinds of disasters.
From burns to blood loss and broken bones, he’s used to the hospital waiting room. Most times he was on the other side, such as his coma or the emergency tracheotomy he doesn't like thinking about because he gets a lump in his throat every time he remembers it. He’s even been here for Eddie before and even though the shooting was so many years ago now, it always felt too fresh when someone mentioned it.
Sometimes Buck can’t even stomach the glimpse of scarred skin he sees in the locker room, choosing to look away before his eyes can catch on it and they end up in a long overdue conversation that Buck isn’t ready for. So, yea, Buck is used to hospitals and waiting rooms. What he isn’t used to is being in one for something as ridiculously mundane as wisdom tooth removal. Which is why he’s sitting in a surgery center waiting room at 3pm on a Thursday, flipping through a boring magazine that was definitely written for house wives who don’t know how to actually cook.
He couldn’t help thinking it was almost unfair how cute Eddie had been about the whole thing leading up to the surgery. He was stoic and frustrated, grumbling that he wasn’t nervous even though he very visibly was. Buck even caught him Googling percentages one day about how many people die on average under anesthesia. It was ridiculous. The man was a veteran, had almost died in a war zone, and faced down things that would make most people run for the hills. Yet, a run of the mill surgery for wisdom teeth turned him into a nervous wreck.
Buck had just confiscated the phone and told him he wasn’t allowed to research anything regarding death statistics for the next 24 hours. The look Eddie has flashed him was absolutely adorable. But, Buck would rather let the rig run him over than admit that he thought Eddie was adorable.
Now Buck sat in a cold plastic chair with his knee bouncing, and sipping a lukewarm coffee he’d gotten from the shop across the street who definitely didn’t give him the almond milk he’d requested. The hum of dental equipment droned faintly behind double doors, and every so often Buck caught himself smiling like a fool when he thought about Eddie and the fact that he was even here. The fact that Eddie had trusted him out of everyone else they know to not just sit here but to take him home after the appointment.
“I want you there,” is what he had said, fingers mutilating a Pop-Tart box at the kitchen counter when he had asked. And Buck had said yes. Because of course he did. It was Eddie and when Eddie asked for something, was vulnerable and sincere, who was Buck to deny him?
He checked his watch for the hundredth time.
“Mr. Buckley?”
He looked up so fast he nearly spilled the coffee balanced on his knee. A dental tech, wearing scrubs decorated with tiny little cartoon teeth, gave him a sympathetic smile.
“He’s done and in the recovery room now. You can come back now if you’d like..”
Buck stood before the words were even fully out of her mouth, heart thundering way more than the situation called for. It wasn’t like Eddie had been in mortal danger or anything. This was routine. Normal. Expected. It wasn’t like they were removing a bomb, it was just his wisdom teeth. But this was Eddie, and Buck never really knew how to be normal when it came to his best friend. He wonders if they were ever normal or if they’d always been… whatever they are.
As they walked down the hall, the tech paused a bit and smiled, kindly trying to inform him of what they were about to walk into. “Just so you’re prepared, he’s been, uh…very affectionate.”
Buck blinked. “Affectionate?”
“Very.”
Oh God. Oh no.
They reached a curtained alcove, the tech pulling it back to reveal Eddie, slumped in a large leather recliner and a blanket tucked around him almost like he was a human burrito. His face was swollen, eyes glassy and barely open. He didn’t even notice when Buck walked in, too distracted by his own hand, staring at it like it had somehow done something to offend him.
“Eds?”
Eddie’s eyes got a small spark of recognition, his head looking upwards as if he was living in slow motion, meeting Buck’s own eyes with a squinty expression. But, the second the recognition hit him, it was like Edie lit up. It was like someone had plugged him into an outlet, the lights absolutely beaming.
“BUCK!” Eddie announced, extremely loudly considering he had gauze stuffed in his cheeks. “Buuuuck, ‘s you.”
Buck tried not to laugh. Tried and failed. Because this was just–it wasn’t what Buck was used to. The Eddie he knew, the one who felt he had to be sturdy and strong and never show a single moment of struggle; that Eddie was nowhere to be seen.
“Yeah, buddy. It’s me.”
Eddie reached out, fingers opening and closing like a toddler trying to grab at a snack. Buck stepped closer automatically, taking Eddie’s hand so he wouldn’t topple out of the chair while trying to reach him.
Eddie wrapped both arms around Buck’s forearm and pressed his face haphazardly into it.
“You came for me,” he mumbled, cheeks still stuffed full.
Buck’s heart did a somersault. “Of course I did.”
“‘S ‘cause you love me.”
The matter of fact way it spilled from him made Buck’s mouth drop open. The tech covered a laugh and slipped out with a polite, “I’ll get your discharge papers.”
Buck swallowed. “Uh. Eddie–”
But before he could gently redirect, Eddie tugged him closer until their foreheads bumped. His breath smelled faintly like mint and the copper tang of blood.
“You’re so pretty,” Eddie told him earnestly, eyes soft and pleading. He gazed, like they were the only two things in the room and Buck couldn't stop the helpless noises it drew from him.
“Oh boy.”
“No, no,” Eddie insisted, poking Buck’s chest with his free hand. “Listen. You’re- you’re like. Like the moon. And a big tree. And also the ocean.”
Buck blinked at him. “Those are… three very different things.”
“‘S all the important ones,” Eddie said sagely.
Buck should not be flustered. Eddie was high as a kite. It didn’t count. It was also bad. It's not like his best friend was truly coming onto him. It was the drugs. It wasn't like it counted, not the way Buck wanted it to. Eddie wasn't sober. Eddie couldn't control himself. It wasn't fair for Buck's traitorous, ridiculous heart to take advantage of that.
The tech returned with paperwork and instructions. Eddie ignored her completely, choosing instead to stroke Buck’s face with his fingertips like he was memorizing him. And Buck had to bite back a groan and fight down the blush that threatened to creep up and heat his cheeks.
“You’re warmmm,” Eddie whispered, delight etched into the fabric of his voice.
Buck, choking internally, signed the forms and handed them over to the very amused tech, who took them with a sympathetic smile.
By the time they got Eddie to the car, he was clinging to Buck like a koala. Buck buckled him in, adjusting the seatbelt, while Eddie squinted at him intensely. Almost like he couldn't quite place where he was or how he'd even gotten there, still far too hopped up on painkillers to understand much at all.
When Buck finally closed the car door, Eddie jumped slightly, face concerned and eyes misty.
“BUCK!!! Don't leave me!”
Buck scrambled into the driver's seat with a roll of his eyes. Shoving himself into the seat and all but banging his head against the steering wheel. “I’m not leaving! I’m literally right here.”
Eddie blinked, a haze settling back over his future. His eyes knit together as if he wasn't quite sure who he was really looking at. “You’re Buck?”
“Yup. Still me.”
He seemed skeptical. “Prove it.”
Buck sighed. “I know your favorite cereal is Honey Nut Cheerios even though you pretend it’s Raisin Bran so that you can get Chris to eat healthier. He doesn't have the heart to tell you that he figured that trick out when he was like ten.”
For a few moments Eddie seemed to settle after that. His head lulled against the window as Buck began to drive, sniffling as the tender part of his mouth banged against the window. They were just pulling out of their parking spot when he suddenly shot upright, gasping as he turned towards Buck.
“Buck.”
“Yeah?” Buck questioned as he turned in his seat, expertly backing out of the space and into the flow of the lot.
“I love you.”
Buck gripped the steering wheel hard. It was everything he wanted, just not in the way that mattered. Eddie was high. He was high and he felt safe. He wasn’t always the most verbal or physical with his affection, but Buck knew that he cared, that Eddie did love him. It just wasn't in the way he wanted. And hearing those words, no matter how platonic they were, made his heart jump in ways he wasn’t proud to admit even to himself.
“Okay,” Buck said weakly, trying to keep his voice level. “Let’s get you home.”
They barely made it out of the parking lot before Eddie attempted, with the determination of a man climbing Everest, to turn toward Buck, only for the seatbelt to hold him in place so he rotated sideways like a slow, confused rotisserie chicken.
“Do you know,” Eddie said solemnly, “that you’re my hero?”
Buck snorted. “I very much do not know that.”
“It’s true,” Eddie insisted. “You’re–you’re like. A big golden retriever. But hot.”
Buck nearly swerved into another lane.
“Jesus, Eddie!”
“What?” Eddie demanded. Then, mournfully, “Are you mad at me?”
“No! No, no, never.” Buck reached over and squeezed Eddie’s arm gently. “Not mad at all.” A crying, devastated Eddie was the absolute last thing he needed right now.
Eddie melted instantly, eyes going soft and glossy as he realized that buck wasn’t lying to him. “Okay. Good. You’re so good to me. I wish you were mine.”
Buck forgot how to breathe.
“You have no idea how much I wish that,” he whispered before he could stop himself.
Eddie perked right up. “You wanna be my Buck?”
“I am your Buck.”
Eddie exhaled happily at that. “Yeah. Yeah you are.”
There a few moments of silence, before soft sores started to fill the car. Buck relaxed for just a moment, exhaling deeply. There was something about all of this that made him… question. That made him think. Sure, Eddie was on anesthesia. He was high out of his mind. But, he thought back to the say he’d heard time and time again throughout his life. ‘Drunk minds speak sober thoughts,’ and he couldn’t help but wonder if this was the same. If high Eddie just meant Eddie without boundaries, meant Eddie without a filter of guilt or the pressures of his family and society pressing down on him. His ability to reflect, however, lasted only about a good 15 minutes in LA traffic before Eddie’s eyes popped back open. He still seemed a little out of it, but his eyes didn’t seem as wild as before.
“I should marry you.”
Buck choked. Okay. Still out of it. “We are not discussing marriage while you’re on anesthesia.”
“Why not?”
“Because–” I’m your best friend. You’re straight. I might be in love with you, but you don’t see me like that. “Because I’m afraid you’ll propose using a paperclip or something,” he attempted to joke.
“It would be a pretty paperclip.”
“Oh my god.”
The rest of the drive passes with relative ease, Buck only having to extract himself from Eddie's koala-like grip twice more. Once the car finally moved free of the LA traffic, the other man managed to fall asleep, giving Buck a reprieve.
Once they pulled into the driveway, getting Eddie from the car to the couch was a whole event, one Buck had not anticipated being as difficult as it turned out to be. Eddie kept trying to lean his entire body weight on Buck, murmuring, “You smell so good,” and “Don’t drop me, Buck, I’m fragile,” which was hilarious considering Eddie weighed as much as a compact refrigerator and was built like a Greek God.
Buck got him settled with a blanket and some water without too much hassle and Eddie watched him with pure adoration as he set some painkillers on the side table and went to set up the TV.
“You’re my favorite person,” Eddie whispered. His fingers reaching towards Buck's that we're gripping the remote.
Buck froze, a little unsure of what to do once again. It was words he wanted to hear, wanted to take to heart. But it felt…wrong. Like Buck was somehow taking advantage of his best friend's altered state for his own gain.
Then Eddie added dreamily, “in the whole universe. Even more than Captain America.”
“I should hope so,” Buck muttered, trying to hide the obvious blush he could feel climbing his cheeks.
As the afternoon progressed into early evening Eddie wanted to hold Buck’s hand. Then both hands. Then Buck’s face. Buck gently pried the fingers away each time–mostly because Eddie was swaying like a drunk toddler. But also because it was a specific kind of torture. His own personal saw trap. It was like giving him everything he's ever wanted when he knew it would be torn away the moment Eddie sobered up and realized with embarrassment what he had done. The least Buck could do is help him keep his dignity in tack…mostly.
Eventually, Eddie dozed off completely, cheek squished against the couch cushion and drool starting to dampen the blanket. Buck smiled and brushed hair from his forehead, fingertips running through soft, dark strands and ghosting over Eddie's forehead.
“You’re gonna kill me,” he murmured fondly. Because really, there's no once else in the world he'd do this for. There's no one else he'll ever love like he does Eddie, even if the other man might never feel the same. There's something about him that's always made Buck feel safe. Wanted. Loved. And even if he's forced for it to only ever be platonic, Buck thinks he can live with that, as long as he gets to keep him. Gets to love him, even if it has to be so quietly that it makes his very bones ache.
Hours later, Eddie stirred awake, groggy and confused. Obviously in pain at the way his hands flew immediately to the sides of his jaw.
“Buck?” he croaked, blinking at the harsh overhead lights as Buck rushed over from the kitchen.
“Hey, man. How you feeling?”
Eddie blinked slowly, taking stock. He looked at Buck then around the room, as if trying to recall the events of the day. Then his face drained of color.
“Oh no.”
Buck raised a brow. “Oh no?”
“Did I-” Eddie swallowed, throat obviously dry. “Say anything stupid?”
Buck sat on the couch beside him, biting back a smile.
“Hm. Define stupid.”
Eddie groaned and threw an arm over his face. “If I said anything embarrassing, just–just let me die. It’s fine.”
Buck gently pulled his arm away so he could see him. “Eddie,” he said softly. “You didn’t say anything stupid. Promise.”
Eddie squinted suspiciously. “I didn’t?”
“No,” Buck murmured, leaning in as his heart pounded against his ribs. Now or never. Now or live forever with the idea of what might have been if he hadn't been a coward.
“You said things I’ve been wanting to hear for a long time.”
Eddie froze.
Then, carefully, almost cautiously, “Yeah?”
Buck nodded.
“And I’m gonna show you exactly how much I liked hearing them.”
Before Eddie could answer, Buck kissed him. It was soft and warm. Cautious. Eddie made a tiny, shocked sound before curling a hand into Buck's shirt, attempting to pull him closer. Buck placed a hand gently on the side of his face, keeping the kiss chaste and gentle, an attempt to not jostle the tender area of Eddie's mouth that was still recovering, where gauze was still packed into the back part of his mouth. It wasn't exactly everything Buck had dreamed of but then they finally parted and Eddie's eyes were soft and wide, and clearer than Buck had ever seen them, he knew this would be the first of many kisses he'd get to enjoy.
“So,” Eddie whispered, breath warm against Buck’s still parted lips. “I said I loved you?”
“You said I was the moon and a big tree and the ocean.”
Eddie groaned. “God.”
“I don't know, I kinda liked that part. It wasn't as funny as your attempts to cuddle me in the car, though. Infuriating at first, but looking back, it was cute.
Eddie sighed, leaning his forehead against Buck’s. “I do love you, you know. Not just– not just drugged me.”
Buck’s chest felt too full and so he answered the only way he knew how, with a soft whisper. “I know. I love you too.”
Eddie smiled at that. “Good,” he murmured. “Now can you help me sit up? My face hurts.”
Buck laughed, helping him gingerly.
“You’re lucky you’re cute.”
Eddie smirked. “And yet you're the one who's in love with me. Funny how that works.
Buck kissed him again just to shut him up.