Work Text:
She stared in between the tiled cracks of the bathroom floor. Her uniform was dirty now, so she had to wash it. She didn’t want to. It’d just get dirty all over again. Her knees rose to her stomach as the aching pain drifted away, the emotional hurt never leaving. She didn’t feel like getting up to get knocked down again. She didn’t want to do anything.
A loud slam from the bathroom stall door made Muu look back. Was someone overhearing all of this? Would they even help her? She shook her head while thinking of the answer. No one ever did. A dim embarrassment resided within her as she clenched her fists. She had no energy to run out and hide her face. Her head lifted to catch a glimpse of whoever witnessed this. A tiny hope that should’ve been killed long ago prayed they’d save her. One day, she’d wake up and find she’d been having a horrible nightmare. She’d see a reality where that girl didn’t exist. Where-
“-Rei?” The words automatically dropped out of her mouth. Her pupils grew wider as her stomach twisted into knots. That short brunette-purple hair, hazel eyes that glared only at Muu, and the same school uniform every other girl wore. She swallowed.
Rei scoffed like it meant absolutely nothing. “How many times do I need to tell you? Don’t call me Rei. We aren’t friends.”
Her eyelids drooped with disappointment, but her voice remained sickeningly sweet. It had a layer of misery Rei hadn’t seen on Muu before. She resisted the urge to vomit again. She had to say something, she couldn’t let her leave again. She’d never get another chance like this again. Not with what she had tucked in her pocket. Rei really had no idea the power she held in a few words. Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me. “It’s a shame…” She murmured, trembling. Her fingers snatched and hung onto the edge of Rei’s skirt.
“‘Cause in the end, all Muu wanted was to be friends.” Her pupils finally relaxed as Rei turned around. The tension in her body strengthened as she rambled on. “Muu can’t understand why you hate her so much. It isn’t fair at all.” She wasn’t able control her own shaking breath. She wasn’t able to control anything anymore.
The girl rolled her eyes, “I didn’t even hate you at first. You’re just annoying when you think you deserve special treatment because you’re a little pretty.”
Muu had almost flinched at that for some reason. It’d been so long since she’d gotten a compliment from one of her peers. Her eyes widened as she smiled against her will. The internal critic which had never been so loud began to scream at her. You look crazy. You’re horrible. Just give up. All Rei had to do was start talking and it would be drowned out. She had to make her speak.
“Rei—“
“Ugh!” Rei threw Muu’s fragile body into the wall. The piercing thud could probably be heard in the bathroom next to it, too. She was stunned by her own force, glancing between the girl who yelped and her hands. Rei brushed her fingers against her own skirt like she was stained by touching her alone. She didn’t intend to do that, her impulses got the better of her for once. One simple boundary Muu couldn’t follow, like she couldn’t follow any other commands. Stupid.
She heaved with adrenaline. Rei couldn’t quite grasp the mental state of the girl before her. A weird concoction of emotions was brewing as her face switched from startled, to weeping, to dejected, to numb, to something unidentifiable all within a couple of seconds. Her arms wrapped around her stomach. The heavy panting escaping her mouth increased its pace. A rose tint warmed her cheeks. Embarrassment? Humiliation? Good. If Muu truly can’t understand all these things happening to her, she should’ve had this lesson a long time ago. Rei didn’t take pride in using force or physical violence, but-
“Rei… Hah…” Muu pitifully twitched as she tried to form another smile at the edges of her mouth. They twitched in pain like the rest of her body. Her knees shook as she pulled herself up from the floor, her hand slipping off the wall. “Do you… Do you forgive Muu now?”
Rei’s tough exterior finally broke. An overwhelmingly bitter taste flooded her mouth. “What?”
Muu suddenly gripped Rei’s uniform. “Say it! You forgive Muu now!” She demanded, the tears beginning to stream down her face. She was staring through Rei’s soul. “What else could you possibly want from Muu?!” Her voice cracked. Her head was going to explode. Her chest was being crushed by the weight of what she couldn’t comprehend. “I-Is Muu just stupid? Is Muu in the wrong?! Why won’t anyone explain anything to her..?”
How ironic, Rei thought.
“Muu is sorry for being an idiot! She can’t figure it out, she- she knows that!” She desperately insulted herself as a plea. “Muu can fix everything if she just knows why!”
Rei’s stature remained frozen as the gears in her brain resumed. It was difficult to feel sympathy for one who showed none for her. All the hitting, shoving against walls and doors, snickering, photos getting taken of her, the times when she felt hopeless. Muu’s vision was blinded to only seeing the effects it had on her life, as always. If nothing changed, Muu’s apology was words alone. How long would this chase go on for? Rei hesitated. Of course, she wouldn’t get in trouble if she were never directly involved. Be the bigger person, right? Could she teach Muu? Was that her newfound responsibility?
A rough grunt came from Rei’s throat. “You’re pathetic.” She looked down on Muu as if she were scum. No longer nothing in her eyes.
“Right!” Muu exasperated, “So help and she will do whatever you want!”
She blinked. Rei must be imagining things. “Do you seriously not- God!” Rei hit her again. She wasn’t supposed to. She should’ve done exactly what Muu did; sat, watched, and did nothing, so she could justify it the same as her. But the level of arrogance it took to ask for help was pissing her off. Muu couldn’t be helped. Not when she and Rei lived in two entirely different worlds.
Rei began to yell, silently hoping nobody else was in the building. “You wanna know why no one is helping you?! Name one time when you helped anyone!” Her teeth bared, tone strengthened with determination. “You never did!”
Muu squealed as the force of the hit settled in. “Muu… Muu helps people who are nice to her… Why should Muu have to help mean people?”
“When the hell did anyone treat you badly?”
The girl paused. She couldn’t articulate a response. So many things she couldn’t do. There was no option other than for Rei to be right. No matter how much Rei disrespected her every time she declared her evident disinterest, even if she shunned her away when all Muu wished for was for her to understand… It was supposed to be for her own good. Rei was such a nice girl, and it’d be horrible if she were ruined by messing around with people above her. Can’t she comprehend a social hierarchy? Those thoughts were just excuses. She wanted to slap herself again for her own stupidity. All because of thoughts like that… there was no way she deserved having to beg like this. Her grip on Rei’s skirt loosened until she broke free, taking a step forward. If she agreed with her, maybe…
“No, wait!”
Muu shouted at Rei, her fingers rushing to grab another piece of her clothing. Her palms fell onto the ground. She wiped away the tears from her eyes on instinct, regretting it within seconds. Rei needs to see how much she’s willing to give up for something as easy as a conversation! She cried, “Don’t walk away from me! Why can’t you listen to me?!”
“It’s like you’re asking me to hit you more.” She mouthed the word ‘please’ with no noise to back it up. “Let it go.”
“No! You need to listen—“
This time, Rei roughly grabbed onto Muu. She knocked her down and kept a hand pressed down to trap her.
“What, do you still think you’re the queen bee? Above everyone else? You think I need to do anything you say?!” Rei’s fingers laid on Muu’s carotid artery. She pulled the pressure from high to low upon seeing her reaction. This was messed up. Sick. She shouldn’t be doing this. “T-That’s not how it ever was. And it won’t change. So arrogant.” Her teeth bared as her subconscious led her hands to wrap around her entire throat. The memories rushed through her mind again. Her morals labeled her “disgusting”, so she remembered when Muu’s friends labeled her ‘disgusting’. Her senses told her to back off, and she remembered when teachers told her to back off from the situation. The aggression fueled itself and just happened to pour onto the perpetrator. Any victim would naturally take the opportunity, of course. This can’t be as bad as she’s making it out to be. It’s temporary. She won’t kill her.
Muu let out a silent gasp when Rei’s hands tightened. Her view was dazed and blurry and doubled. She repeatedly attempted to inhale while her headache became unlike anything she’d experienced before. There was no way to communicate “stop.” If she died right here- no, Rei wouldn’t do that. Yet the aggressive, manic glint in her eyes caused Muu to shove herself back to the best of her ability. With Rei on top of her and no strength to do so, it was more of a weak convulsion. Tears coated her eyelids as black spots began to block her vision. There was a sore burning in her throat. It took a second to process that Rei set her free. She was still above her, a vacant expression taking place of the hostility. Muu tripped over her own breath, slouching back.
Rei had to gain control of her breathing too. She glanced at her own shaking hands like it was all Muu’s fault. “You… Is that still the way you feel?”
The tears welled back into her eyes. “No, I can’t be like that anymore…” Was she never that way?
Rei wanted to strangle her again after that comment.
This was good for her. Muu had never understood the appeal of dangerous things until now. With the ringing and pulsing of her heartbeat, she couldn’t hear the nasty thoughts. If nobody loved her, like Rei said, she’d have to take whatever she could get. Sometimes warmth came in the flavor of blood.
Muu wanted her attention again.