Chapter Text
You’d been known as many things throughout your life. For a while, it was fun watching so many theorists propose ridiculous theories that would change within a couple of months or be forgotten, lost to the endless void.
In reality, there was no simple answer. It really just depended on the day and your mood.
You’ve always just felt…off. Like you were different.
It also doesn’t help that social norms weren’t something you were in tune with. It simply never clicked in your head and frankly, you don’t bother much with it. People are so picky and bossy with norms. Really, some make zero sense. But, whatever keeps you from being outcast, you suppose.
It was hard. It didn’t help that you lack social skills and you don’t have many friends. You’re silent and only ever really speak when spoken to. It’s just easier that way, you tried for years to fit in, but that mold never fit. You could never tell if you were making someone uncomfortable or if they were fine.
Your mother would understand you perfectly. She taught you so many things and loved you for who you were. You didn’t need to try and explain yourself, she understood what you were trying to convey.
‘We're both different mije, don’t let that deter you. Keep your head up and keep looking forward.’
That also didn’t mean she didn’t have her struggles too.
She always talked about wanting to be able to experience feeling normal. About how she wanted to walk in the open and not feel fear. To not bend over in pain from the hunger that was etched into her very being.
To be able to provide you with a proper meal and not see you starve as she had.
Plus, normal people don’t eat meat raw. People don’t hunt on all fours with their own hands and twist into something horrifying.
Into something inhuman.
It also doesn’t mention how hard it is to remember your face. The face your mother gave you.
How could you forget something so important? How useless are you? Was he truly right?
No.
You are better than such filth. The only time you willingly accept what you are. It separates you from what he is and what you are. He was the first and last time someone will ever get close.
You don’t want to hurt again.
People are greedy. They are selfish things that put no one but themselves first. They don’t care about consequences. They are filled with so much greed it taints their whole being rotten.
Nobody came to help your mother or you. Both of you were forced to suffer. She was forced to suffer until the very end. By the hands of who she loved and thought would love her no matter what she was.
How wrong she was.
He was rotten. You’d seen how much anger a person could hold. It was horrifying. It was disgusting. How could a person do such things without guilt? Without mercy?
He got to walk away scot-free each day and go about his life, leaving you to aid her with what you had available to you. The healing process was gradually reduced from what it would have been because she lacked nutrients and there were barely any resources to use. The house was always bare.
And yet, she always had just enough energy to comfort you. To tell you stories of brighter days, of a future she hoped you both would have. One that was brighter, better, and free.
You hated seeing her face scrunch up in pain, knowing you couldn’t do anything. All you could do was tell her to save her energy and rest. You could never do anything. You were just a leech. A leech that couldn’t even help the one person they cared about.
Mom had to pay for something she never asked to be.
You have to pay for surviving.
———————————————————————
The alarm was blaring again. What a pleasant way to start the day. Another day of work and exhausting customers.
Now, not all customers were bad, some were pleasant and actually understood that you were just an overworked barista. Then, there were the other customers. The not-so pleasant ones.Those ones were never satisfied no matter how you acted. They always had complaints, and because the customer is always right, you can’t say anything.
Why would you anyway? The pay isn’t that great to really care. It's enough to keep a roof over your head and maybe some food on the days you were feeling peculiar.
Once you hastily finish your routine and throw half a bagel in the toaster, you turn the tv on. The news is playing, and it’s talking about something with…disappearances? Eh, not something you need to worry about. It’s not your problem. Out of sight out of mind.
You glance at the time and- HOLY SHIT.
You’re running late!!
No time for that bagel, you think miserably. You fumble your shoes on and sprint out the door. You should get a medal for that, pretty speedy given the time crunch you’re on. Poor bagel though, left to be cold in the toaster…what a waste.
Money wasted as well.
It wouldn’t have really satisfied you anyway.
It never does, you’re always so hungry.
Nope, not right now. You’ve got to get to work asap. When you first leave your apartment complex you notice there are flyers everywhere. You grab one off the ground. A….circus? Circus of horrors?Since when did circuses pass by here? When was the last time you had been to a circus anyway?
As you round the corner you hear commotion. At this hour? In the distance a crowd of people is gathered around, all clearly displeased at something. Or someone.
You push your way through the foul smelling people. Once through, you're met with the sight of a….clown? Coated and adorned in red, black, and yellow. He’s tall, but he looks so small on the ground.. The poor thing looks like a kicked dog, on the floor with papers scattered about. Then you register that a man is yelling at him.
Oh hell no.
People really just do anything nowadays. The entitlement is insane.
The familiar hotness runs through your veins, the familiarization of this exact scenario.
Your mouth moves before you can think.
“Hey! Leave him alone!”
With that, you shove the man back and stand in front of the clown. You don’t let him get close. You won’t give him the chance. The urge to sock him in the face overwhelms you, it’s tempting, but not tempting enough. One, because hitting someone in public isn’t exactly gonna de-escalate the situation. Two, the cops would definitely be called. You really don’t need that…..
So, you settle for making the man unnerved.
You shift your features, feel them twist slightly. They morph into something deemed unnatural
The man keeps talking.
“This has nothing to do with you! He’s a freak!! Ever since that damned circus came into town people have gone missing!!”
Good grief. He really can’t take a hint. It’s always the ones that are miserable with their own life that harass others.
“That doesn’t mean it’s the circus’s doing?! Leave this dude alone! He’s just doing his job and you’re over here harassing him!! If anything, you’re the freak for assaulting him.”
If that doesn’t get this piece of shit to understand…you really might have to reconsider not socking him.
To really finalize the nail in his coffin, you shift your position to a basic fighting stance. Now, were you a pro fighter or anything like that? Absolutely not. But, it seems to do its job cause he backs away, muttering profanities and disappearing into the now dispersing crowd.
You turn back towards the clown.
“Are you okay? Here let me help you up.”
You offer your hand and pull him up. He jolts at the sudden strength but otherwise has a giddy smile. He seems generally fine, other than the small injury he had on his cheek. Speaking of which, you do have a Band-Aid! Yay me for being smart.
Scrounging through your pockets you finally find the bandage you were looking for, and motion for the clown guy to lean down. Gosh is he tall indeed.. once he does you gently apply the band-aid.
Crisis averted! You did pretty damn good if you say so yourself.
The clown guy returns to his full height. Speaking of which….You really should think of a nickname since calling him ‘clown guy’ won’t suffice. Uhhhhh…you know there’s probably a proper name from what he’s dressed as, but you were never interested in it. Dang, I really should’ve paid more attention…..
How about jingles? Yeah, that sounds about right given the bells that hang on the end of his hat. Look, he’s giddy already.
Oh shit.
The time!!! You glance at your phone and nearly drop it. 30 minutes late….oh kill me now.
With a newfound task, you look back at Jingles way.
“I’m sorry for how you were treated, sad to say but a lot of people are like that because they are miserable with their own lives. Just…keep your head up and stay near more populated areas. Don’t be afraid to come by the cafe if you’re being harassed again! Oh! And before I forget you should get that checked out just in case!!”
You motion towards his cheek and give a small smile. He seems really content and pleased with that as his face turns a darker shade of red. He nods and with that, you give a quick two-finger salute and start jogging to the cafe.
Boss is definitely gonna be on my ass…oh jeez.. BUT, it was worth it though!
Little did you know that a familiar silhouette hovered by the nearby alleyway, watching your form grow smaller and disappear around the corner.