Chapter Text
“It took you 2 weeks to contact me and my best friend was in a coma!” Stacey yelled at a shrinking Suki. She was beyond angry. Even the sunken eyes of Suki’s weren’t enough to stop her tirade. She looked through the glass, into the room where Eve was in bed.
She had been in a coma for 2 weeks, and Suki had only contacted her two days ago to tell her what happened.
Her ‘sister’ had been on the brink of death, and no one had contacted her. She had already given Lily, Jean and the other Slaters an ear full for not calling her.
“I know Stacey!” Suki lifted her chin, attempting to gather the strength to fight back, but it left as quickly as it came. There was no excuse except she was exhausted and had been for months.
Her and Eve’s marriage had been on the rocks. The businesses, a moody teenager and a clingy child were taking its toll on the bond they shared.
Navigating parenthood with Eve had proven difficult to say the least. Eve had risen to the occasion like Suki knew she would, but it had been far harder for her to change her ways than she imagined.
Vinny was constantly tutting at her, the teenager was constantly pushing her, and the child wouldn’t let her breathe.
She had been walking a tightrope for months. Eve had done her best to guide, counsel and console her. The peace just never lasted long. There was soon another battle for Suki to fight whether it be with the teenager or with businesses.
With everyone back in the house, it was a lot to handle. Suki was busy raising the girls, taking care of the Minute-mart, the call center, properties that Vinny was supposed to look after. She was helping at Walford East because staffing was low and Ravi’s missteps. She was up before everyone and the last to go to sleep. She cooked breakfast and dinner every day, got everyone out the door in the morning and to bed on time. There were contracts that had to be signed, checks to go out, inventory coming in and she had no help. She was stuck doing it all herself.
She was constantly lashing out at Eve. She could handle everything. She could manage it on her own like she always had. But she wasn’t. The cracks had begun to show, everyone would be tense when she entered the room. Things were falling through and their relationship was suffering because of it.
The kids loved Eve more, even Avani and Nugget. Even Vinny sought out Eve’s advice now.
It grated her. Nish’s little voice got louder and louder everyday.
It was simply she was jealous. Eve was easy go lucky. She had to be the disciplinary. Set the rules and stick to them.
The teenager only rolled her eyes when Suki spoke. The child clung to her leg until Eve arrived.
So, they fought frequently because Suki was never good at admitting she was drowning, not even to Eve, who would ask every day what she could do to help. Instead, it all came bubbling out in heated arguments or in quiet moments when she couldn’t hold the words back.
But Suki never believed anyone could help, they hardly knew what it meant. She could hardly tell them what help would look like.
This argument had gone too far. Suki had let Nish and Eve’s mom speak through her lips and hurt Eve. Hurt her more than breaking her heart, because of Vinny or Nish. She had cut deep mentioning Erica because Eve had mentioned Ash. More than mention, she had talked to Ash without telling Suki the news. Ash was pregnant and no one had told Suki. She had to hear it from Eve by accident. Ash said she didn’t want Suki anywhere near her child.
As soon as the words rolled off Suki’s tongue, she was reaching for them before they got to Eve ears.
As always, she was too late. Those beautiful blue eyes teared instantly. The gasp that left Eve’s chest was audible. Eve had stumbled out of the door without a looking back.
After Eve’s mother’s visit they agreed on one hour to cool off. After there would be a check in if more time was needed. Eve always came home after the hour, even if she didn’t want to talk. She always came home.
That night Suki sat waiting and calling. She called the Vic, The Albert and every watering hole she could think of. She called everyone Eve considered a friend except Stacy.
It was the next morning when she got the call. Eve had been attacked and brought into the hospital with a serious head wound. She had brain surgery and was in an induce coma. The police came everyday asking questions Suki didn’t have the answer to.
They didn’t know if she would make it, but Suki sat but her side day in and day out.
Eve never left her side after the wedding, and neither would she.
But the shame of her words kept her from calling Stacey. She had promised to take care of Eve. After the nightmare that was Eve missing and the cover of Keanu’s killing, they had gotten closer, all because they wanted to protect the one person who linked them.
They were committed to protecting Eve at all costs. She meant the world to both of them. Even more after the near-death experience.
But she had failed like she did at everything she attempted to protect. She failed and failed again. Until the one thing she was protecting died at her own hands.
Yet she could never stop her fingers from closing around those things. Crushing it herself.
And now, now Eve had barely made it and still her hand was closed tight.
“Suki!” Stacey yelled.
“I know, I’m sorry. But they are going to wake her up today. And I wanted you to be here. So, you can have a go at me after she wakes up.” Suki pulled at her earring. Her hair in a messy bun, far from her usual hairstyle. She didn’t have time to put on makeup.
She had had a rough morning. There was always a fight to get the kids off to school. Priya wasn’t any help. Vinny was still sleeping from a long night of playing music. Ravi left early to do field interviews, without cleaning his dishes.
She had gotten everyone off, cleaned the kitchen, the shared bathroom and living room before she could even think about arming herself for the day. In the end she was too exhausted to bother with her hair or put on a suit. So, she grabbed a sweater and jeans and walked out the door for another day of sitting with Eve and paperwork.
“Fine, but I swear to you.” Stacey left it at that before walking into the room.
Suki followed behind. She blinked back the tears that fell every time she came. The bruising on Eve face was fading. No longer black and blue, but yellow and purple. The patch on the back of Eve’s head as still angry and red. The glue and staples held the skin together.
She wanted to run her fingers through Eve hair. It always bought comfort, but she had been so scared to touch her. When she came out of surgery her head had been wrapped like a mummy, now there was only a large bandage covering over the incision.
Suki was still scared. Scared to touch anything besides her hand.
They waited in silence while the nurses and doctors worked. They said it would take a while for the sedation to wear off.
20 minutes later Eve groaned, her eyes moved behind closed eyelids.
Stacey moved first, taking Eve’s hand. “I’m here. Eve, we’re right here.”
Eve groaned again, this time kick starting Suki. She took Eve’s other hand. Running her thumb over the palm, trying not to disturb the IV.
“Water.” The request was a whisper, Eve’s voice like sandpaper.
Stacey filled the cup with water before placing the straw to Eve’s lips.
She took a small sip grimacing in pain.
“Take it easy, sweetheart. You’re in the hospital.” Suki pushed the words out as they tried to stick in her throat. She wanted Eve to open her eyes, to apologize for the hurtful words. The weeks of agitation and jealously that had controlled her.
The only answer was another groan before Eve fell back to sleep.
She looked to Stacey who was shooting daggers at her. “I’m going to call Mum, and when I get back me and you are going to have a serious talk.”
------
Two more days passed before Eve opened her eyes properly.
Stacey was by her side, Suki had left to get her family settled for the night, promising to return with clothes for Eve.
“Stace.” Eve groaned before her heavy hand lifted to her head. It was pounding and her vision blurry.
“I’m right here.” Stacey moved closer leaning over the rail of the bed. “How you feeling?”
“Like a train had its way with me.” Eve cracked a smile.
“You silly cow.” Stacey still chuckled; glad the surgery hadn’t changed Eve personality. “How are you really? Everyone has been so worried about you.”
Eve took a sip of water offered by Stacey. “I guess I’ve had better days.” Eve blinked as her vision began to clear. Her thoughts were all jumbled like a jigsaw puzzle. The effort to try to slide pieces into place was tiring her already. “Am I still sexy?”
Stacey snored a laugh, feeling the weight slowly lift from her shoulders. “Like you said you’ve seen better days.”
Eve smiled then frowned. “Don’t worry I’ll still sort Ruby out for you. I’m just glad to be on the outside with you. Must’ve had one hell of a coming home party.”
Stacey frowned with her eyebrows knitting together. “Eve?”
“Yea?” Eve rubber her head again, the pain slowly intensifying. She felt the large bandage on the back of her head in confusion.
“Who’s your wife?”
“You are silly.” Eve blinked, the noise in her head getting louder, still muffled, like a movie playing in the background.
Stacey gasp holding her hand over her mouth. “Just wait, I’m going to get someone.”
--
When Suki finally arrived, she was surprised to see Eve sitting up in bed talking to Stacey.
“Why didn’t you tell me she was wake?” Suki dropped the duffle bag and dumped her purse on the chair sitting on the side of Eve’s bed.
“Um, well there has been a lot going on. Maybe we should talk out there.” Stacey pointed to the hallway.
Suki ignored her, taking Eve’s hand. “I was so worried.” She was so relieved she didn’t notice Eve flinch at her closeness. The tears threatened again, this time of joy.
Eve’s eyes jumped in amusement between Stacey and Suki.
“Suki…” Stacey started, trying to warn her.
“And who are you?” Eve smiled. There was familiarity about the woman in front her, but she couldn’t place it. The fuzziness around her brain whispered that she knew the brown skinned goddess but from where it wouldn’t say.
Suki tensed at the question. It didn’t sound like a joke. The confusion in Eve’s voice was hard to miss.
Eve retracted her hand but gave a warm smile.
“Um, Eve. This is your wife.” Stacey introduced them.
“Tell me you’re joking?” Suki spoke to Stacey but kept her eyes on Eve.
They told her there could be permanent brain damage. Eve might not walk, talk, or remember anything after the swelling. It was all a waiting game. And once again she has lost.
“The doctors said take it slow with her memory, that it could all come back one day and not to overload her with information.” Stacey was still angry it took so long to call her, but she also fell a twinge of sympathy for Suki. They had been through so much to be together, and it was all gone from Eve’s mind.
“Hey come here.” Eve reached for Suki as a sob escaped. She pulled her further onto the bed. “It’s ok.” Her cold hand rubbed the side of Suki’s face before swiping at the tears. “If Stacey says you’re my wife, I believe her.” Eve gave her a once over. Even in her solemn it made Suki heart race. “I always said I would have a fit wife.” Eve joked, trying to get Suki to smile.
Suki blushed, leaning into Eve touch. “You really don’t remember me?”
“I’m sorry.” Eve took her hand, examining the wedding ring. “What I can say, if you got me to settle down you must be one hell of a woman.”
This time Suki did laugh. Of course, Eve would say that. She would say Suki was perfect, she did no wrong that she wasn’t forced to do. That had always been far from the truth. Suki had made a lot of unforced mistakes. Starting with marrying Nish.
“I’ll leave you two to get to know each other, grab a coffee. Suki?” Stacey gathered her things.
“No thank you.” Suki’s mind was whirring. How quickly Eve could trust her and Stacey. How she always knew what to say to calm Suki’s mind, even if the stillness never lasted.
Eve waited for Stacey to leave. She gave the smaller woman in front her another once over. She had done good for herself. The woman in front of her was beautiful, glowing under the harsh light. Her eyes deep brown like mahogany. She almost got lost in them.
But her head started to hurt more as she tried to place the sad eyes. The muffled noise got loud until she had to blink back tears.
“Eve, what’s wrong?” Suki moved her hand, almost on instinct to the back of Eve’s neck feeling the edge of the bandage.
“I’m fine just a headache.”
“You’re not fine.”
Eve’s face had turned a bright shade of red, her eyes watered and redden. She grimaced as it felt like someone was poking her brain through the bandage.
“I’ll get the doctor.”
“No.” Eve held tight to Suki’s hand to keep her on the bed. “The medicine will make me sleepy.” She reclined back on the bed. “Can we just sit here, just me and you?” Eve doubled over to the side as the words boomed through her head, they repeated and repeated until the scene unfolded behind her eyes.
Suki sat next to her on someone’s couch. Suki leaning into her as she tried to comfort her.
As quickly as it came, it left her with a splitting headache.
Suki panicked as Eve’s nose started to bleed. The machines started beeping wildly. Suki hurriedly pushed the red button by the bed trying to hold Eve upright.
When Stacey returned the nurses were leaving. Suki was holding Eve’s face between her hands.
“What happened?”
“I remembered something.” Eve frowned, then smiled at Suki.
Suki smiled. The nurses had assured her Eve was okay and the headaches were normal. But she was even more happy that Eve had remembered something.
“Yea? What was it?” Stacey stood by the bed. There was the unmistakable shine of love in Eve’s eyes as she looked at Suki.
It had always been there, no matter how she told Eve to fight it. It warmed her that even in trying times and memory loss it never left Eve’s eyes. There were times when she believed Eve to be crazy for putting up with Suki.
Still at the end of the day it gave her hope. If Suki, Ice Queen of the square could find someone to love her unconditionally, anyone could.
They spent the rest of the night relaying some history to Eve, leaving out big parts that might upset her.
If by a miracle, each story Eve finished it, with a few details missing.
Each memory came with blinding pain.
When she fell asleep in Sukis’ arms, Stacey made her exit.
Suki laid in the cramped bed with Eve resting on her shoulder. Her phone had started to ping about 10 minutes ago, but she ignored it.
She knew it was Vinny or Priya complained about the children not listening.
Tomorrow she would have to tell Eve about the children, about Nish, the wedding, Ravi and every other bad thing in between.
She stayed up half the night trying to figure out a way to break it to her.
---
When Stacey returned the next morning, she watched Suki and Eve curled around another.
As much and she wanted to hate it, it melted the ice around her heart for Suki. The woman was at her core wicked; she was sure. Whether it was due to nature or nurture, Suki couldn’t help but fall back to her controlling ways.
She embraced the darkness too quickly for Stacey’s liking. When she and the other women had their backs against the wall, Suki was the one coming up with an escape plan.
For that she was grateful, it kept them free, but it scared her for Eve. When Suki felt trapped, she lashed out with cunning quickness that left her captor spinning in place. And Suki’s captor always appeared to be anyone who disagreed with her over the smallest of issues.
Eve had been a victim of it with the whole baby debacle. Suki moved people with her words and manipulation like chess pieces.
Stacey had been surprised by the move. How could Suki not know Eve would gladly sacrifice herself for her Queen. If Suki asked, Suki would receive, at least from Eve. She was always too busy trying to maintain control over Eve that she missed Eve giving it up willingly if she was given the truth. Suki and the truth were polar opposites. They bounced off each other never having made contact.
Stacey knew she didn’t have much of a leg to stand on. She had done things in the past, helped bury a body and went along with the plan. Still Eve was her sister that she had promised to protect even if it was from her own wife.
Suki awoke first slowly getting out of bed. She checked her phone. She had 15 missed calls from Vinny. It was Saturday morning, so she knew she had time before she needed to get home and get it in order.
“Mornin’” She groaned stretching her legs and arms.
Stacey only nodded in response.
They sat quietly until Eve began to stir. They stood by her bedside as she opened her eyes.
Eve yawned smiling at Stacey. “Top of the morning to ya.”
Stacey smiled, tipping an imaginary hat. “How ya feeling?”
“Like I tried to make out with a moving bus.” Eve smiled, turning her attention to Suki. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Suki whispered trying to control her emotions. She wanted to cry every time Eve opened her eyes, even when she just blinked. She had come too close to losing her wife.
Eve turned back to Stacey. “Who is she?”
Suki’s legs almost gave out at the question.
“Your wife, remember?” Stacey put a hand on Eve’s forehead. No fever.
Eve slowly nodded, giving Suki a heated once over. “I always said I would have a fit wife.” She grinned leaning forward to peek behind Suki. “Very fit.”
Despite the heavy weight in her heart Suki smiled.
Eve held her hand out to Suki. “I’m Eve Unwin.”
Suki took her hand. “Suki Panesar Unwin.” Suki’s face crumpled.
“Hey, what’s this?” Eve pulled her onto the bed.
“I’m sorry.” Suki tried to shake Eve loose.
“Hey, come here.”
Suki stopped fighting moving onto the bed. Eve was always her comfort place. Her arms were her shelter where she could lay down her arms, take off her armor and rest.
Eve felt the warmth of the smaller woman’s body soak into her cold skin. She hated hospitals ever since they sat in the quiet room waiting for a doctor to tell them Erica didn’t make it. She avoided them at all costs. It was always unwelcome news, never congratulations.
“I’ll get the doctor.” Stacey patted Eve’s legs as she left.
Eve rubbed small circles on Suki’s back. There was something tugging at the corner of her brain. She knew this woman, there was no doubt. How? She couldn’t remember but if Stacey said she was her wife, she believed her. Stacey had no reason to lie.
To be honest she felt it. Was it love or lust? Eve couldn’t remember the last time she felt the body of another woman pressed against hers. The attraction was definitely there but there was something else. A fierce protectiveness swelled in her chest. She was sure she would die for the woman, a woman she didn’t know. But she had to know her.
Suki tucked her head under Eve’s chin. She let the tears fall soaking Eve’s hospital gown.
This was her punishment. She was sure of it. Marrying Nish knowing she didn’t love him, the way she treated her own children, Kheerat’s prison sentence, disowning Ash, Keanu, even Nish. Her punishment, losing the love of her life every morning.
When Eve fell asleep last night, she was sure she saw love in her eyes. The way Eve unconsciously reached for her, the lop-sided grins, and self-deprecating jokes.
They fell asleep with Suki recounting their first and second kiss. Eve joked how the slap couldn’t have hurt due to Suki’s small hands. She joked how the hand on her throat was probably sexiest thing she had experienced.
They talked about what happened after Ranveer went missing, how Eve was the only one who really saw she wasn’t ‘fine’. She told Eve, not in detail, how she was always by her side. Never left her alone to fight a battle alone. Even when she felt alone in the cold world, in the back of her mind she knew if she just asked Eve would suit up and stand at her side even in a losing battle.
Eve joked how she was always there for damsel in distress.
That joke had come with another blind head pain, but with it came the partial memory of the conversation in the police van.
There was so much to go back over and still so much she needed to tell Eve. Their adopted children were priority. They wanted to visit. The teenager, Annabelle, started an argument with Suki before she left. She wanted to visit Eve.
Anna was becoming a real sore spot for Suki.
She hated Suki. Not just teenage angst. Suki was sure she wanted to break her and Eve up.
She sneered at Suki and would turn around and smile at Eve. Nothing Eve asked was too much, but a word from Suki would set the girl off.
The six-year-old was easier for Suki to handle. The younger child was easier to mold and persuade.
She was used to clingy children. All her children were clingy when Nish was around, his harsh words pushed them into her arms. Vinny, still clingy, took it the hardest. She couldn’t move a finger before Vinny was at her side asking where she was going.
Violet was the same. She clung to Suki, followed her without pause.
She actually clung to Suki’s leg making it hard to move around the kitchen or anywhere. She needed Suki.
But even Violet loved Eve more. While she clung to Suki for protection and comfort, she easily moved to Eve when she came home. Eve played silly games, played pretend shop keeper, and café. Violet would often spend time at the shop with Suki after school. It made her laugh when she would repeat the happenings of the shop in pretend play. She repeated Suki conversations, and habit of straightening already organized shelves.
Eve had to remind her imitation was the sincerest form of flattery. Eve had tried to convince her the kids loved her too. She just had to try hard to make a connection. It just came so easily to Eve, Suki was often envious.
It didn’t help that Anna and Violet had blue eyes and dark hair. She finally felt what Eve had tried to convey to her when she first moved in. She felt like an outside in her own family.
Before the adoption, they had spoken of how Eve felt sometimes. The conversation happened one night after a family outing. They had entered the cinema together. Suki had handed the man all the tickets, but the man stopped Eve who was the last to enter and asked for her ticket. Suki had to tell the man Eve was with them.
He looked at her family then Eve.
Eve’s face had turned red as he didn’t relent until Ravi came to hover over his shoulder.
They hadn’t gone out looking for children that resembled Eve. They hadn’t went out looking for siblings. They had agreed on one child. At one of the visits to center Violet had taken Suki’s hand and didn’t let go for 2 hours. Her eyes had bored into Suki without saying a word. Suki had sat quietly with Violet for 2 hours as they drew and colored. She colored with one hand and held Violet’s in the other.
Violet had laughed at her coloring skills. Violet was holding her writing hand and Suki herself didn’t want to let go. Eve had watched them while playing with other children with a wide grin. The process went rather smoothly even when they found out Violet had an older sister. They couldn’t split up siblings.
Still the process was smooth. Anna was distant but cooperated when the social worker was around. She played nice for her sister and a stable place to stay until she turned 18. Suki could handle the detachment but not the constant arguments and rebellion. Her children had never rebelled too much until they were adults. She could always get then in line with a harsh word or threat until they moved away.
This go around, she was trying to be better, it worked for a while. They got along great. Something changed a few months back. Anna started pushing all of Suki’s buttons. Suki would battle back with harsh words. Eve was always there to get her tongue back in line. Make her apologize for anything that slipped out, be there to mediate.
Suki was sure she could get Anna in line, but reverting meant repeating the past. They had agreed to do things differently. Her past ways had led to a dead son, a son in prison, a daughter who still refused to speak more than pleasantries and Vinny.
“Where did you go?” Eve’s voice cut through her musings.
“Vacation.” Suki joked wiping her eyes.
Eve laughed moving her hand into Suki hair. She scratched her scalp.
Suki couldn’t help but moan, her eyes rolling back.
“I’m guessing that’s a sound I love to hear.” Eve joked and Suki chuckled. Eve squeezed Suki and Suki melted further into her embrace.
That’s the way the doctor found them.
He said a lot of things, but all Suki heard was ‘it could be permanent like that Adam Sandler movie’.
Suki had almost fainted at the words, but Eve just joked she wasn’t as cute as Drew Barrymore to be so much of a problem.
He promised more images to see the extent of damage. They would start therapy if needed. While his words were optimistic his eyes held sympathy for Suki.
Suki spent the morning like last night. She gave Eve an overview of the past few years since she came to the square skipping over the hurtful part. She heard Stacey scuff a couple of times when Eve had asked a question and Suki had talked her way out of revealing too much. She glossed over Kheerat catching them in bed, almost everything involving Nish, the Christmas cover up, the wedding (at least the finale), and recent conflicts.
Eve had scoffed when she mentions children.
“I never wanted kids.” Eve pointed out.
Stacey had raised an eyebrow challenging Suki to paint a pretty picture of how they agreed on kids.
Suki took a deep breath. She had moved to the chair beside the bed. “Well, it all started when Avani told me she was pregnant and I convinced myself it would be better for everyone if we raised the child.”
“Your stepson’s daughter’s child?” Eve chuckled. “Oh, you’re serious.” Eve sat confused for a second.
“Yes, and we did have a little bit of a conflict about it.” Suki’s eyes darted to Stacey as she sarcastically laughed. “And in the end, you did the right thing a took her to get the abortion she wanted and told her parents.”
“Wait, you didn’t tell her parents, what was your plan?”
Suki squirmed under Eve’s gaze. Usually, it made it squirm for different reasons. In the here and now, Eve barely knew her and she had to reveal her faults and mistakes before she could fall in love again.
“I didn’t have one. I was being selfish.” Suki confessed looking at her hands in her lap, her body tight with shame.
Stacey scoffed again.
Eve dared to look at her former cellmate. “Well, I’m sure you had your reasons.”
Suki felt the tension leave her body in one fell swoop. Why should now be different just because Eve didn’t remember their life. Since she had met Eve, she had been making excuses for Suki’s behavior. Starting with Kheerat having a go at her in the shop, telling the kids about Nish, getting back with Nish and everything in between.
“I did, but they were selfish anyhow, we agreed on adoption and we adopted 2 girls, Anna, 16 and Violet 6. They’ve been with us for a year. They just adore you.”
“Well, who wouldn’t.” Eve smiled but it was tight and Suki could see it. “So, where are they now?”
“Home with the family.” Suki pulled out her phone showing Eve a recent picture of all of them eating dinner. It looked like two different families were meeting up with Suki at the head of the table.
Eve took the phone examining the picture. “East.” She whispered.
“Yea Walford East.” Suki smiled hoping Eve would regain her memory again.
Eve kept looking at the picture, Suki was at the head of the long table. Eve was to her right followed by the teenager and child.
On the left of Suki were two men, a woman and two teenagers. Suki pointed out and named each family member.
Eve just nodded, the names didn’t bring back a memories.
“I can go get them.” Suki hesitantly suggested.
“Yea that would be great.” Eve handed Suki back her phone. “Um...” Eve started then stopped looking down at her blanket covered lap.
Suki stood up sitting on the side of the bed. “What is it Love?” She found her hand on the back of Eve’s neck fingering the edge of the bandage.
Eve sighed trying not to purr at the movement. “I know I’ve been out for a while, but it doesn’t feel like it. I was wondering if the transition would be easily with a group shower.” Eve grinned.
Stacey burst out laughing slapping her knee.
Suki retracted her hand, her mouth agape.
Stacey stood up still laughing. She remembered their first conversation in the square and Eve’s humor constantly on display. “Don’t worry Suki, we’ll get her cleaned up for the kids.”
Suki stood up, the green-eyed monster trying to break out her chest. She pulled her lips into a tight smile before squeezing Eve’s hand. “I’ll be back in no time.”
“I miss you already.” Eve’s mouth was moving before her brain even noticed. Her eyebrow knitted together at her words. Did she miss Suki already? Yes, she decided. The thought of the woman leaving left an ache in her chest. It made her stomach turn.
What if she didn’t come back? What if a month later she decided it was too hard reminding Eve every day of their shared past. People always left. At least they left her. Erica had left her at the party and left her life without so much as a goodbye or fuck you. Every relationship she had had failed and it had been her fault. Her parents hated her. They hadn’t spoken in almost 30 years. She couldn’t even be sure they were still alive. Who would contact her if one of them died? Not her racist, homophobic aunt, not her cousins.
The only family she had were the Slaters and her family with Suki. So, if Suki did decide it was too much, she would have no-one but Stacey and her family and what if they decided the same. Then she would be back in the world alone and angry.
But instead of telling Suki she was scared she wouldn’t come back she joked about showers. Instead of telling Suki she was scared she would never remember her, she joked about the sexy noise she made.
So, when the words came out without permission, Eve flinched at how needy she sounded. Her survival had depended on not needing anyone. Then they couldn’t leave. Staying with Stacey was supposed to be temporary. Just until she was off papers. Then she could be a lone wolf again. That was what her destiny was to be. So how was it that she had remarried and adopted kids?
Somehow without remembering she had found a stable home, a loving wife and children. Erica would be pleased. Eve was sure. Her sister must have been guiding her. Otherwise, there was no way she would have accomplished any of it.
There were so many questions she had. So many things swirled around her head that refused to be caught in the net.
The air caught in Eve’s chest as she looked at Suki smile. The woman was a perfect specimen. Eve was never vain, so every imperfection was perfection when it came to her new wife. When Suki had rolled up her sleeves earlier, Eve instantly rubbed a finger over a faded burn mark.
She wanted to ask how she got the mark. She wanted to smooth away the hurt in her eyes. Reassure her with a lie she would remember every moment they shared. But she didn’t dare lie. She didn’t want to start a new foundation on a lie.
So, if she didn’t remember she would tell Suki even if it hurt the see the hurt reflected.
Suki leaned in kissing Eve on her temple. She whispered, “I missed you.”
Eve jerked as lightning struck her suddenly. She heard the words revert through her head. A fuzzy scene started. A man handling her a bottle of alcohol, Suki staring at her across a room full of people, a child’s bedroom with her and Suki.
Her and Suki standing in the middle of the room wrapped around each other.
“I miss you,” She felt her lips ghost over Suki’s neck. She vaguely heard a countdown. Maybe New Years? The feeling of relief washing through her.
When the pain had subsided Suki was holding a napkin up to her nose. Eve looked at her with watery eyes. Had she lost Suki and the relief was getting her back? Had she done something stupid to drive the love of her life away?
Was Suki the love of her life? Or did she just tolerate her?
Eve took the napkin from Suki as she fought through the residual pain. “What did I do?” She felt Stacey’s hand on her back. Had Stacey known? Had Stacey helped her get Suki back?
“What?”
“Um, New Years?”
Suki froze with fear. Every single one of their New Years had been marred by incidents. Ash had spent the first one with Eve and was under threat of a white nationalist, the second Eve passed out, the third was in the shadow of Keanu’s death, and the last was eclipsed by Nish’s attempt to murder them.
She didn’t want to relive either one, and Eve had never been in the wrong. So, her question was jarring. Stacey was staring at her. Suki tried not to shrink under both of their gazes.
She squared her shoulders and stilled her racing thoughts. “What do you remember?”
“Um,” Eve shook her head and wiped her nose. The memory was fading faster than a dream. The sands of it slipped through her finger. ‘I miss you.’ She repeated the words in her mind trying to make the memory stay but it left like everyone else. “I can’t remember.”
Suki visibly relaxed. “Love you haven’t done anything.”
Eve nodded. The napkins finally mopped up the specks of blood. “Well, if I did we have a clean slate now, right?”
Suki finally felt like something good could come out of this situation. Eve was right, they could have a clean slate. Erase all the hurt of the past. Eve could live without the undeserving guilt of not being able to help Suki. She could live without the heartbreak Suki had inflicted. Suki could rewrite their history make it a happy story not just a happy ending. It could be what it would have been if Nish hadn’t come back. If Kheerat hadn't barged in. If Vinny hadn't put her in a corner. If Ravi hadn't tried to take her soul away.
Eve could live without the dark past constantly hanging over her head. She could look back on their wedding with joy and forget they ever spent their honeymoon in hospital beds. Avani’s abortion would become a faded memory. Suki could live with the guilt of their story alone and Eve could have the life she deserved if only in false memories. She would do that for Eve; she could give her that sense of security and love she had never had. She would make Eves’ life perfect.
“Yea, a clean slate.” Suki repeated.
“I’ll get her cleaned up and you go grab the kids, I’m sure they are itching to know she’s ok.” Stacey clapped her hands. “Can I talk to you outside?”
Suki kissed Eve forehead before meeting Stacey outside the door.
“I know what you are planning on doing and I won’t let you.” Stacey pointed her finger at Suki. “You can’t lie to her.”
Suki worked her jaw feeling her muscle tighten with tension. Stacey was the last person to lecture her about how to work out her problems. She moved around the world to run away from her problems. She didn’t return when Jean was having a crisis, she didn’t return when Eve had left her, she didn’t return when they adopted the kids. And she has the gall to tell Suki how to take care of her wife.
Suki had been there for Eve when her mother had torn her down, when they got her prison record (a mile long) and had to explain each incident. The mandatory therapy they were required to attend. She had held Eve those nights when they had to talk about Erica and Eve’s parents. She had been there when Caz had set Eve off after Stacey had kicked her out. Suki had been there (when she could) for Eve.
And she would be here now.
She always knew what Eve needed to keep moving forward and she was there to deliver it.
“You know Stacey, there is always someone or something trying to tear us apart and I’m really tired of it. She is my wife. Eve deserves happiness. She deserves to feel love and secure and I’m going to give that. Stay out of it.” Suki turned on her heels without letting Stacey respond.
She had enough on her mind without Stacey Slater.