Chapter Text
1.
Not to mention Michael Kaiser in front of Alexis Ness.
It had become an unspoken rule among the players of Bastard München. No one said it out loud, no one enforced it, but everyone understood.
For example, there was a moment in the locker room when a group gathered together, watching a Re Al highlight that was trending on Twitter with the volume turned up too loud.
"Hey, look at this, Kai-"
This boy had barely gotten halfway through the name before Gesner shot him a sharp look, forcing the rest back down his throat. They stole a glance toward the magenta-haired midfielder on the other side of the room.
Ness was tying his shoelaces. He didn’t looked up, only said softly: "Yeah. Their victory was very impressive."
Even so, they quickly turned off the screen and shifted to another topic.
Ness could be a reliable teammate, with a friendly smile and a sweetness that made him seem almost puppy-like as long as Kaiser wasn’t involved. His performance didn’t decline. He didn’t lose his temper. He didn’t do anything that was considered unusual. On the contrary, he practiced harder, played better, and above all, he made more effort to coordinate with the others.
It might even be a good thing, now that Kaiser was gone.
Ness noticed all of the things they had done for him, and deep down, he felt grateful.
He hadn't been in contact with Kaiser for a long time.
It all started with silence. There was no argument, nor a promise was made. But before he realized it, the gap between Kaiser and him had grown too wide. He didn’t delete Kaiser’s number, yet he never called or texted.
During the first few months after the transfer, Kaiser’s name appeared in almost every interview Ness gave.
"What do you think about Kaiser's transfer to Re Al?"
"How will you adapt without Kaiser?"
He made a professional smile and answered with perfectly stereotypical words, about tactics, the new formation, the upcoming season. Each time the name came up, he smartly redirected the conversation.
"It is the best decision for everyone."
"Bastard München is running very well."
"I focus only on my team right now."
But the fans noticed something. Ness never truly spoke about Kaiser.
He learned to stay silent. But silence never meant turning away.
He still read news about Kaiser and his matches. He remembered details that someone "no longer involved" didn’t need to remember.
Not only that, he also followed Kaiser’s personal Twitter and Instagram posts everyday. Including the posts he was tagged in, fan accounts, short clips, photos taken from afar... He knew how many goals Kaiser had scored, knew that Itoshi Sae had assisted him the most, and even knew that Itoshi Rin was his main scoring-goal rival.
That was how Michael Kaiser continued to exist in his life.
Ness never interacted, but he missed almost nothing.
As time passed, the questions about Kaiser became fewer. Their names appeared side by side less often. The media grew used to mentioning Kaiser with his new teammates. The golden duo of Bastard München was no longer spoken of with regret as before.
Kaiser and him were walking on two parallel lines. They never intersected, and there was no way to meet somewhere ahead. That realization made his heart ache in the quietest way.
Kaiser truly had his own brilliant chapter in Madrid. He didn’t hesitate to leave the past behind and chase something more glorious ahead. Including what once belonged to Kaiser and him.
That was why Ness understood he wasn’t allowed to slow down. If that day really came, the memory of his name being spoken beside Kaiser’s would no longer feel worthy, even it was in the past.
2.
Even so, the beginning was truly difficult.
On the day Kaiser left, Ness looked at the empty apartment he lived with Kaiser after moving out of Bastard München dormitory. Kaiser left behind quite a few things, taking mostly his personal belongings with him.
The porcelain cup sat on the kitchen counter, the same one Kaiser always used. A hoodie hung loosely over the back of the sofa, the faint scent of detergent lingering in the fabric. A slightly dusty pair of socks lay forgotten beneath the table. It was as if Kaiser had only just left somewhere and would return at any second.
Ness stood there for a long time. He didn’t know what to do with any of it. Each item held a memory of Kaiser, and Ness wasn't ready to decide what should stay and what should disappear.
One day, he found Kaiser’s auto-translating earbuds in a cabinet drawer. Kaiser forgot to bring such these important things when he moved to a foreign country and had to speak a language he’d never spoken before.
Ness held the earbuds in his palm. It could be his opportunity. An excuse reasonable enough to break the silence between them. He could return them to Kaiser the next season, when their teams met again.
The Champions League was the first time Ness saw Kaiser face to face again.
On an afternoon before the match, he went to Re Al’s training ground and stood hidden behind a wall, watching in silence with his heart pounding against his ribs.
He saw Kaiser.
Kaiser stood with his back turned to him, dressed in Re Al’s white jersey, talking to a few teammates Ness had never met.
But what truly caught him off guard was the language. Kaiser was speaking Spanish, the way too fluently and effortlessly. He laughed and added something else, perhaps a casual joke.
Ness had always known Kaiser was brilliant. But reaching that level in such a short time was beyond anything he’d imagined.
He lingered there a little longer, just to look at him. Kaiser seemed taller somehow, his shoulders were also broader. His hair had grown out, and the blue Ness dyed for him had long since faded back to its natural blond.
It was still Kaiser, but why did everything feel so unfamiliar now?
Ness bitterly realized that this Kaiser was no longer his Kaiser anymore.
He tightened his grip on the earbuds box inside his jacket pocket. Perhaps Kaiser didn’t need them anymore.
After that, every time Ness encountered Kaiser in the following seasons, they acted like strangers. They were just two out of eleven players, like anyone else on the field.
It was hard to believe that they had once shared a past that so close to each other.
3.
But no one knew that quietly keeping track of Kaiser had remained Ness’s daily habit.
He worried whether Itoshi Sae, Itoshi Rin, or anyone else would be the one to drink milk for Kaiser every morning. Whether anyone would woke him up for training. Whether anyone would help him comb his messy hair after sleep. Whether Kaiser still remembered to wear his glasses when he read or studied match footage.
Some nights, Ness lay awake for hours, unable to silence the endless questions in his head.
He also wondered if there was anyone by Kaiser's side on his birthday.
Kaiser didn’t like celebrating birthdays. Unlike Ness, who grew excited over every occasion, Kaiser was always indifferent. Whether it was his own birthday or Christmas, he considered them as unnecessary days.
"You just like doing pointless things." Kaiser once said in a flat voice. It was the first birthday Ness had organized for him.
"But I don’t think so, Kaiser." Ness said, shaking his head. "Today is the day you were born, hat really means a lot to me."
Kaiser didn’t reply after that. He simply picked up his spoon and took the first bite of cake.
Last year, Kaiser didn’t post anything on his birthday. There were only the huge number of congratulatory posts from his club, his teammates and his fans.
Ness found out that the Itoshi brothers had returned to Japan together. The others on the team gradually went home to celebrate Christmas with their families. After many years, Ness himself went back to Hamburg to spend the holidays with his own family.
None of information about Kaiser returning to Germany, which meant he stayed in Madrid alone during the holidays.
Even though Ness knew Kaiser was good at managing his own loneliness, he still didn’t want to miss this special day.
So Ness posted a photo on social media. It was a simple frame of him sitting beside a fireplace and a brightly decorated Christmas tree, the first one his family had ever put up. A thick woolen scarf wrapped around his neck. The golden light softened his features, making him look more peaceful and warm.
@AlexisNess: Die schönste Zeit des Jahres für die wundervollsten Menschen 🎄❄️🥰
(The most beautiful time of the year for the most wonderful people.)
And then below the photo, countless comments poured in with wishes, compliments, and emojis from thousands of other people. Notifications kept popping up, filling up his phone screen.
Of course, Kaiser wasn’t among them. But Ness still hoped that somehow, Kaiser could saw this post and understood the meaning hidden.
It wasn't meant for anyone else, but only for him.
4.
Since Kaiser left, Ness has more opened up to his teammates, so his account is constantly tagged in posts, from training photos and casual gatherings on days off to other simple daily moments.
On Ness’s birthday this year, his timeline was almost overflowing with birthday wishes. They even overshadowed Kaiser's posts that he followed everyday.
The corner of Ness’s lips lifted as he replied with short words of thanks here and there. But there was no possible way he could answer the mountain of messages piling up by the second.
And of course, Kaiser wasn't one of them.
Before, it was always Ness insisting Kaiser spend his birthday with him, drag him to the restaurant he had reserved a month in advance, made him try the Sachertorte cake that he'd waited a year to enjoy, then wander into that little magic shop he loved so much.
Every single plan was Kaiser going along with him. Never something Kaiser wanted on his own.
Smiling sadly, he shook his head to dismiss the old memories, Ness decided to post a thank-you post to to everyone who had wished him a happy birthday instead. In every photos, he was smiling brightly, holding the cake Gesner and Grim had prepared. A single candle burned steadily at its center. His hands were clasped together, eyes closed in silent wish.
@AlexisNess: Vielen Dank an alle für die lieben Glückwünsche 🎂🎉😭
(Thank you, everyone, for all the lovely birthday wishes.)
The comments flooded in almost immediately.
⤷ @IsagiYoichi: Happy birthday Ness, the best midfielder in BM 🎉💞
⤷ @ErikGesner: Du wirst alt, aber immerhin mit Kuchen 😉
(You’re getting old, but at least there’s cake.)
⤷ @BenedictGrim: 🎉🎉🎉🎉
Maybe this year, that was enough.
But, just minutes before the day ended, his heart jolted violently at a notification from Kaiser’s official account. He had made a new post.
In the photo, Kaiser wore a perfectly tailored black suit that accentuated his tall figure, a blue rose pinned neatly to his chest. He holds a glass of red wine, leaning against the railing of a high-rise rooftop terrace. Behind him, the night sky stretched endlessly, below him was the dazzling lights of the city.
@MichaelKaiser: For the best, tonight 🍷
Ness's breath hitched for a second at how breathtaking this man was. Immediately, he downloaded the photo.
It hadn’t even been a whole minute, but the comments were already exploding.
⤷ @blueroseKai: This man is so unreal.
⤷ @for_kaiser: He looks like he walked out of a movie 😍
⤷ @Imkainessing: MICHAEL KAISER, THE MAN THAT YOU ARE!!
The numbers climbed rapidly. Then, amidst the endless scrolling, a short small talk caught his eyes.
⤷ @strawberrygood: is he wishing Ness a happy birthday?? 🥺
⤷ @matchdayangel: girl, he's clearly celebrating Re Al's title this season.
⤷ @strawberrygood: i know, but there's something off about that caption...
⤷ @matchdayangel: i get you babe but honestly you need to tone down the delulu a bit. not everything is about shipping.
Ness’s heartbeat faltered. He stared at @strawberrygood’s comment.
At first glance, it seemed like this girl was simply trying to add meaning to a caption that was probably nothing more than Kaiser celebrating Re Al’s championship a few days ago.
But Ness couldn't take his eyes off the screen. If he thought about it carefully, something did feel... off. He didn’t get through if it was the way Kaiser choose the words or the timing of his post.
Realizing his own foolishness, Ness let out a breath, short and almost bitter, laughing at how ridiculous he was. Maybe he was just as delusional as the girl had said.
Why would Kaiser remember him? He had already become nothing more than his past.
5.
Time went on. August arrived with the pale heat of late summer and the packed schedule leading up to the Bundesliga.
One afternoon, after finishing practice for the upcoming matchday, the Bastard München players left the pitch full of laughter and chatter. A group of fans had been waiting for them outside the training ground, not too crowded, but many enough to fill the space with excitement.
The players gladly stayed a bit to sign autographs, take photos and answer a few brief questions from those who had waited so patiently.
Ness stopped as well. He took a pen and signed his name "Alexis" on the number 8 jerseys that the girls had brought, giggling as they teased him, calling him by his nickname "puppy."
Amidst the cheerful noise, there stood a little girl. She looked about ten, wearing an worn out Bastard München jersey with Ness’s number on it.
Ness noticed her a moment later than he should have. When it was her turn, she handed him a ball and looked up at him with her big, sparkling eyes.
"I’ve admired you for a long time." She said shyly. "I was little back then."
"Thank you, little girl. What’s your name?" Ness smiled gently, crouching down to meet her gaze.
"My name is Rosa."
He nodded and added a small line beneath his signature: "For little girl, Rosa".
But then Rosa spoke again, her voice still soft and polite: "Do you still talk to Kaiser? I haven’t seen you two together in a long time. I really loved it when you played on the same team. Back then, you always looked so happy, big brother Alexis."
Ness froze. The smile on his lips stiffened. It felt as if someone had sucked all the air from around him in an instant.
Rosa didn’t seem to notice, she continued innocently: "It’s not like you’re not happy now, but you were a lot brighter evertytime with Kaiser!"
Ness opened his mouth, tried to speak any harmless lie, any answer that would help right now. But the harder he tried, the more his throat tightened. A feeling he'd suppressed for so long suddenly surged up without warning.
He lowered his head. His shoulders trembled. His breath broke apart into uneven fragments. The tears fell before he could even comprehend what was happening.
Gesner stepped forward, placing a hand on his shoulder and murmuring something, but not a single word registered with him at that moment. Now it was too late.
Ness returned the ball and the pen to Rosa, whispering a quiet apology. But before the little girl could even react, he turned and walked away.
A sob tore free from his throat despite everything he did to suppress it. He covered his mouth as he stumbled forward, no longer aware of the stares around him, nor the phone cameras pointed in his direction.
So this was how much he still missed Kaiser.
All this time, he had thought he was fine. If no one mentioned it, if he didn’t look back with, if he just kept walking forward like the way Kaiser always did. The feelings would eventually fade.
But it turned out, it never was.
And so, after hearing Kaiser's name for the first time in two years, Ness bursted into tears.
6.
The clip went viral on Twitter only a few hours later. Barely fifteen seconds long, but it was more than enough to say everything.
@whenalexismile: Ness broke down and ran away after being asked about Kaiser...
⤷ @strawberrygood: he didn't even answer, that pause said everything. poor my little baby 😭🥺
⤷ @BastardMunchencore: I don't think I've ever seen Ness like this before... this hurts to watch.
⤷ @nostalgia11: they never really moved on.
Ness lay on his bed, staring blankly at the dark ceiling above him. He didn’t know how long he’d been crying. His whole body ached, his head felt dizzy and his eyes were burning.
He should have just laughed it off, brushed it aside with a practiced smile, said something harmless like he had done so many times before.
Instead, he ruined everything.
Ness's phone kept ringing. Messages of concern from Gesner and others were there. But even typing a few words in reply was exhausting to him, hours of crying had drained his energy.
Ness flipped the phone face down on the mattress, thinking about the clip was still being retweeted.
Kaiser might see it.
His fingers tightened unconsciously in the bedsheet. If Kaiser saw it, what would he feel?
Or... he wouldn't feel anything at all.
Wasn’t it just another fleeting piece of news buried between hundreds of other posts on his timeline?
Ness pulled the blanket over his face by the thought.
7.
After a long while, his phone vibrated again.
Ness frowned slightly, exhaustion washing over him almost immediately. It was probably someone else asking something like “are you okay, Ness?” that right now, he didn’t have the strength to answer.
But it only buzzed once, then went quiet. His room returned to its previous state of silence.
For some reason, his heart began to beat faster. A vague feeling crept into his chest, as if something was urging him to look at it.
Ness took a breath and reached for his phone.
And he immediately froze.
Kaiser.
"Are you still awake, Ness?"
Just a short and single message, but it was enough to make everything around him seem to stop. All sound vanished, he could even hear his own pounding heartbeat in his ears.
It was Kaiser! It was really Kaiser!
His fingers trembled. For a moment, his mind went completely blank, as if he had forgotten how to type.
Why Kaiser? Why was Kaiser suddenly texting him? Had he seen the clip and decided to message him because of that? How was he supposed to reply? Why wasn’t Kaiser asleep yet? Ness stared at the screen as questions piled up in his head. He typed a few words, then deleted them, over and over again.
In the end, he could only send a short reply: "Yes, I’m still awake."
Kaiser saw it immediately. Ness held his breath as he watched him typing. Only a few seconds later, another message came through.
"You took quite a while to reply, Ness."
"If so, may I call you?"
Ness tightened his grip on the phone. His throat felt dry, his heart pounding so hard it felt like it might leap out of his chest. Before he could think, his fingers had already typed “yes”.
The call came almost instantly, from an account that hadn't been touched in for a very long time.
He closed his eyes for a brief second, then pressed accept.
"Ness."
Kaiser’s voice came through the speaker, low and strangely familiar. It felt like being pulled back to two years ago.
Ness couldn’t say anything.
And before he realized it, he was crying again.
Kaiser fell silent in the following seconds. In that moment, there was nothing between them but the sound of Ness’s quiet sobbing. He had no idea what Kaiser was thinking on the other end of the phone, but he couldn’t stop himself from breaking down under the weight of longing.
It turned out that he not only longed to call Kaiser by his name, he also remembered the way his own name was spoken from Kaiser's lips.
"Still a crybaby, huh?" Kaiser finally broke the silence. "You know I can’t comfort you right now."
"I-I’m sorry, Kaiser… It’s just…" Ness struggled between uneven breaths. "Did you see that clip?"
Kaiser didn’t answer, but the silence from the other side was more than enough.
"I’m really sorry, Kaiser. I've caused you trouble again. I didn’t even know what to do, I just couldn’t control my emotions at that time-"
"Ness, Ness, Ness, Ness, Alexis Ness…" He cut him off by calling his name repeatedly. "Alright. That’s enough."
Ness was slightly taken aback, he sensed the displeasure in Kaiser's voice. He wiped away a tear that had rolled down his cheek, leaving a deep red mark on his skin.
"Yes, Kaiser."
Silence settled between them again. A heavy one, filled with everything left unsaid for two years.
Then Kaiser spoke first: "It looks like you’re living a very happy life."
Ness shook his head slightly, even though he knew Kaiser couldn’t see it. "I’m sorry, Kaiser. Actually, I’ve hesitated a lot about contacting you. Because you told me to forget you, that's why-"
"Promise me. That will be the last apology you make in this conversation, Ness."
"Y-Yes." He bit his lip before another habitual apology could slip out.
"I did abandon you. But I’m also the one who can't forget you. How pathetic, isn’t it, Ness?"
His tone carried a trace of self-mockery. At that moment, Kaiser’s image appeared vividly in Ness’s mind. His hand brushing stray strands of hair from his forehead, the corner of his lips lifting into a faint smile. It felt so real, and unbearably beautiful.
"You know, Kaiser," Ness said, still trembling but braver now. "I still follow your news every day."
"I’ve even been learning Spanish! Just in case we meet again someday! My team often come to Spain too. I’ve only been learning for half a year though, so I’m not very good yet. Let me try a sentence for you."
As Ness excitedly thought of a Spanish sentence, Kaiser’s voice suddenly cut in.
"Don’t, Ness."
Ness froze immediately. Kaiser had stopped him, his voice lowering.
"It’s been a long time since anyone has spoken German to me. I kinda miss my mother tongue."
"K-Kaiser…"
"Yes, I got it, Kaiser." Ness sounded a little flustered, but then firmly added. "Whenever you feel homesick, you can call me. I can listen or talk to you all day."
Kaiser chuckled. "I guess you’ll have to save your lesson for another time."
An idea flashed through Ness’s mind, making him nearly stand up out of the bed.
"Then can I come to Madrid this Christmas to celebrate your birthday? It’s been a long time since I’ve done that and I really want to celebrate it with you!"
There was a brief silence on the other end.
"Hmm, I’m sorry, Ness. But you can’t come to Madrid during the holiday this year." Kaiser said, his voice tinged with regret.
"Oh…" Ness couldn’t hide his disappointment. The excitement that had just flared up was extinguished instantly, making his invisible dog ears drooping.
"Because I won’t be here." Kaiser quickly added, his tone lifting slightly. "This Christmas, I plan to go back to Germany."
"W-What?" Ness’s big eyes even openned wider, his heart thudding hard.
"So I’d like to invite you to Madrid after this season ends. Then you can help me dye my hair. I’m starting to get bored of having only one color. Would that be alright, Ness?"