Chapter Text
one day, a completely fucking random winter day.
you have so much work, finals are approaching and you still have to catch up on an essay because you joined in on sparring yesterday. but whatever.
youre sitting with the people who you. know. you guess. they could call themselves your friends without being yelled at on a good day, but youre not gonna call them that if you dont have to.
anyway, one day youre walking with them, having been dragged to a park by mina, jirou, denki, kiri, and sero
you want to go home So Fucking Bad but it has been a while since you did anything with them and its Important for you to get used to being outside in the cold as often as possible, so your quirk stays strong in it when it needs to be and the essay honestly Can wait until tomorrow.
so fucking. whatever
youre walking in the group, in between denki and kiri.
its cold as shit and the cold makes your skin crawl and denki keeps bumping into you and the sweater hes wearing is that weird plastic texture and when it bumps into your fleece it makes a horrible sound and you hate these stupid fucking scent patches and youre about to fucking pop with how much you hate all of this when
"hey, man- switch me?" kiri asks, soft and steady the way he asks everything and then when you look over at him you-
you can just Tell. that he sees you. he sees how upset you are with all of whats going on, he sees whats immediately affecting you. and, importantly, he wants to make it better, hes giving you a small out. because he knows that you cannot just accept a huge out.
if he turned and said 'lets go back to the dorm' you wouldve clammed up, refused to 'fail' and just stuck it out through this while hating it and probably ruined the day for everyone and-
you literally physically stop, staring at him. he stops at the same time, looking at you expectantly but also his eyebrows are raised, a little surprised that youve just stopped in your tracks
denki and the others all stop a few steps ahead, looking back at you and saying something, probably asking what the fuck
youre too busy staring at kirishima, wading through your own emotions. he is smiling a soft smile at you
his eyes are a little crinkled because of it and oh. your heart. youre suddenly aware of how your heart is beating
and listen. feelings? not your fucking forte. but you can recognize just as well as anyone that they fucking happen and youre going to be damned if you cant get a grip on your own to become number one
so youre working on it, with the help of a talk therapist and an anger management/quirk specialist.
nothing in any fucking appointment, with any fucking professional, has prepared you for the feelings that are flooding your nervous system
where does the feeling manifest? you cant think past the way the speed the rhythm of your heart as it beats for this stupid fucking alpha.
you look down, glancing at your chest and then away from the group, frustrated and cringing internally and having no extra space to do anything but have this feeling
you hear the rest of the group walking away, sero seemingly moving them back into action. kiri stays right where he is
you glance back up at him, and find him still just staring at you. your heart wont stop making itself known, the pulse within your ribcage being so prominent you think if you focused enough you can feel the blood coursing through your whole body.
"you wanna go?" he asks, still soft and pulls you out of your small mental spiral
you meet his eyes again and he is looking at you so. fondly it makes your blood boil.
but, instead of wanting to punch him. you feel your face heat up and you have to look away again or you might just start smiling back at him
your body is moving faster than your brain, thank god. because youve somehow gotten yourself into a gay ass bluescreen mentally
physically, however, you turn on your heel away from the group
kiri just snorts a little and follows after you
if he sees the fact that the back of your neck and ears are red as his hair, he doesnt say anything
you walk in silence all the way to the dorms, and all the way up the stairs. however, he breaks the streak right as you get up to your own doors
"let me know if you need anything, baku-bro!" he smiles at you, and its not the same as before. its wide and sincere and it makes you feel like youre flying and like youre held down all at the same time and the only thing you can do is rush into your room and frantically lock the door behind you
like a fucking coward
you rip off your horrible required scent patches and the stupid ass fucking layers that are suddenly stuck to your skin and you throw yourself into your nest
closing your eyes and forcing your breathing to calm the fuck down
okay. what the fuck.
you start replaying every second of that whole interaction trying to figure out why it was different
its not like no ones ever fucking smiled at you. its not like no ones ever wanted to help you, youve had more than enough of that from fucking deku.
so what. the fuck. is different about kirishima
deku is. stupid is the first word to come to mind but honestly kiri fits that word way more than deku
deku is very smart, but he doesnt often see past his own fucking nose about it. unless he was looking at you.
ugh okay nevermind you dont wanna get into that right now. fuck.
kiri is smart in the way that he can look past himself, to the people hes around at all times.
he sees everyone and he loves everything so deeply and he cares hes the type of person to be a hero even if he didnt have a quirk.
and then, his quirk
hes so strong, he can take you with Ease. youre honestly not sure who would win if it really, really came down to it.
if he got within range with you, which is hard to do when you can explode away, youre fucked, and theres pretty much no way to land a hit when he can just. become immune to it.
its infuriating and also… oddly hot? if not just endearing.
you can count the amount of people who fit that bill on one hand, really.
he is so so strong and also so. soft. he doesnt need to fight hard to get ahead, hes already there.
he doesnt need to be mean, or rash, or loud or any of the things you are to show hes strong. you look at him. the stupid fucking alpha who can become unbreakable, and you cant think anything but
it should make you hate him, its not fucking fair you have EXPLOSIONS from your HANDS! and he turns into a ROCK!
and yet youre compensating and hes comfortable. whats worse is you dont hate him, not at all. no one does. itd be impossible to, you think. to really, truly, get close to this man and then hate him
hes easy to be around, hes the one who you would be the least begrudging about admitting he is your friend. which is maybe a low bar. but its really really hard for you to meet
Ugh.
hes so sure of himself that you cant help but be more comfortable around him, you cant help but to be sure of yourself, too.
and he looks at you like. like youre something to be adored. like he sees you and knows you and wants to be around you anyway. and what the fuck else can you ask for?
okay. youre done doing this on your own
you stand up and before you can lose your nerve youre going out your door and taking the two steps to his door, knocking loudly
"shit-!" you hear, muffled on the other side of the door and then theres a bang
"one second!" he yells a little bit and
what in the fuck is he possibly doing? you got home like five minutes ago. but, whatever, you wait patiently.
a few seconds later he opens the door just a crack, filling it with his body so you cant look inside
"uh, hey" he says, though he is standing there, shirtless, scent bare to the world you squint your eyes at him
"what the fuck?" you ask, because. what the fuck?
he smiles a little, amused "you knocked on my door, bro"
"ugh- yeah! but now youre being all weird. i wanted to- talk. i fucking guess" you get out
he bites the corner of his lip, clearly waring with himself over something
"yeah, man, totally down to talk. but, can we go to your dorm?" he asks after a few seconds
"okay, no. seriously what the fuck are you hiding in your room. youre being crazy" you are trying to look around him into his room but unfortunately he is a brick fucking wall
"nothing! nothing! i swear its my normal room" he says, squeezing the door tighter on himself to give you less room to look
you go to just wrench the door open yourself, or just use his shoulders to pull yourself up over your head to look into his room when you catch his scent.
that hazelnut and charred earth just a Little bit different, a little bit deeper. toasted, smoking.
you lean back a little and look over his body up and down. shirtless. which is weird. as you look he starts blushing, staring white eyed at you
"oh my god!" you exclaim as it clicks- he was jerking off!
thats why hes being shifty! his room smells like hes turned on! because while you were spiralling about your feelings he was Exactly One Wall Away jerking off.
he blushes harder, "sorry, man" he says and brings his hand up to rub the back of his neck. he doesnt really sound sorry
"we got home minutes ago! you fucking knothead!" you say, though you both can see through your tone to the amusement youre feeling
he just shrugs a little, smiling
"okay well- fucking. whatever." you say, though you can physically feel yourself clamming up thinking about what you want to talk about. you cant do this. you cant talk to him about these feelings. not until you sort them out yourself
and what the fuck are you even thinking? no matter what youre feeling. you need to focus back up, now is not the time to fuck around with absolutely anything related to alphas or anything else
"no, im good. lets talk" his smile softens, and hes starting to leave his room
"wait" you say, taking a half step away and he, like the best fucking alpha ever jesus kiri can you make this any fucking harder? stops dead in his track
you both look at each other for a second, you not sure what you want to do
"aw, man. im sorry. i didnt mean to make you uncomfortable! you can come back later or- we could be on the phone in our own rooms!" he tries to reason, to help
"you didnt make me fucking anything, shitty hair." you snap a little before softening "just changed my mind. im good. do you want to watch something?" you ask, because its movie night anyway and that seems like a good compromise
he is so expressive. his face tells you how he feels 100% of the time which might be a weakness if he wasnt just so extremely genuine All The Fucking Time.
he frowns and then brightens and then softens as he nods, like a puppy
"hell yeah- oh! theres a new john wick!" he exclaims. ughhh. you absolutely hate those movies.
"yeah, whatever. i have to shower so ill be back." you turn on your heel, going into your room
as you close the door you whip your head back, snapping "and air out your room!"
he chuckles and then youre once again, both slinking into your own rooms
- - - - - - - - - -
you two watch that movie, sitting as you would. on his bed crowded around his laptop
its the same as always, and also infinitely different
you can feel your heart beating
every time your knees bump, every time he huffs a laugh or gets too locked in to the action going on, when you react and he looks over at you, softly smiling
your heart just beats and beats and beats and what the fuck are you supposed to do with any of that? you dont know
so you dont do anything. you sit there with it, and with him. and you watch what is perhaps the worst fucking movie in the world
youre right at the end of the movie when denki shoots kiri a text saying theyre on the way home and god youre glad you got out of there when you did.
if you were still cold and overstimulated by now you mightve blown up a building
kiri just lets you know and you grunt, noncommittal
once the end credits are running on the screen he turns to you a little
"so.. i know you said you changed your mind but." he starts, looking a little sheepish "if you want to talk still, im here" he grins at you, that steady grin he gives when he knows you just need that little bit of silent support
your face heats up a little, you hate that you can do nothing to stop it as your heart makes itself known once again
"whatever" is all you can mutter in response
he takes that as a sign to keep going
"and- also. im sorry if i made you uncomfortable" he pouts a little, clearly beating himself up a bit
you cant have that
"no. really, you didnt. i dont care what you do, its normal. or whatever." you explain, he nods a little but it doesnt seem to land
"its fucking funny though. we were literally here for ten minutes maybe before i came over. what the hell were you planning on doing at the park?" you tease, letting your face show how amused you are
hes smiling a little during the first part of your sentence, then at the end whips his head over to you, scared
you raise your eyebrows and he just keeps looking at you, like if he stays still you wont comment on whatever the fuck that was.
fat fucking chance.
"what the hell?" you ask, incredulous but also genuine
"i- i wasnt! i wasnt planning anything!" he exclaims, shaking his head putting his hands up like hes guilty
"okay, i was joking. but clearly you were planning! what the fuck!" you laugh a little, trying to bring the tension down
"no! i wasnt!" his voice is five octaves too high at this point
you laugh at him openly, "youre being weird!" you get out, still clearly teasing
his face drops a little, and oh shit. aint nothing funny anymore
before anyone can say anything else there is a loud knock on the door, you both look to hear
"kiriiiiii" a loud whine comes from mina, though you can hear the rest of the group out there too, clearly a few steps behind
you look back at kiri, who is once again frozen wide eyed
"hey" you say, quiet
the knocking continues but he looks at you
"whatever you were or were not planning, its fine. im just fucking with you" you say, trying to be reassuring but you think it probably comes out more curt then you meant
he looks somewhat mollified, nodding a little at you. he does look less scared, so youll take it.
the knocking gets more incessant as clearly denki has taken over being the one right at the door
"want me to shoo them away?" you ask, sitting up and stretching
"nah," he says, quietly to you "come in!" he then shouts
you shoot him a look that could kill before hopping up off the bed right as four people flood in, bringing light and noise and Ugh with them
yep. time to go.
"blasty!" denki exclaims "i didnt know you were in here" he says, smiling
"how the fuck would you know that." you respond, flat
then you try your best to filter your way out of the room
on a glance back kiri is smiling softly, watching as you leave
your heart b-b-beats in your chest
you give up on being nice and shove your way into your own room before they can notice the flush on your face
as you lay face down in your nest for the second time in one afternoon. you decide you are going to ignore it all. if its still there when youre number 1 then, and only then, will it be worth it to try again.
you wont think about your heart beating, or your face flushing. or how good your scents smell together. or how powerful your kids would be-
you think of none of that!
you need to focus. you pull your laptop out from where it hides in your nest and decide you need to get that essay done sooner than later.