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Being immortal really fucking sucked when the only thing you really want is to die.
On most days, Osamu Dazai didn’t mind being a vampire. When he was still in the Port Mafia, he had much fun pretending to die. Dazai would stab himself and lay in Chuuya's shitty apartment, a little surprise for the redhead for whenever he decided to come home.
It hurt, of course, and it felt oh so real. So real, in fact, that Dazai had almost believed it worked one time.
But it didn’t.
It never did, and it was never going to.
Dazai had spent days—weeks, even—coming up with this plan. He had done so much research on how to kill vampires. Reading article after article instead of doing his detective work. It wasn’t hard to find a blog someone posted going into very in depth detail on how to rid of a vampire.
Killing vampires is more shamed upon now than it was then, and it is against the law… but of course, there are still people who view vampires as monsters.
I wouldn’t mind being gutted by one of those cruel men. Maybe that’ll kill and rid the world of me.
Really, Dazai was putting a bad name on other vampires. Tarnishing their reputation, if you will.
The idea first came to Dazai when he was reading some random article. It was about old stories, telling about vampires who were too shameful of what they did killing themselves.
…?
Dazai wondered how they did that. How could they be so lucky? To be able to die.
He kept reading.
The story told of a vampire who had recently married a handsome man. Her husband was truly so good to her, and he didn’t care about the fact that she was a vampire one bit. She thought must’ve been the luckiest girl in the world, having a husband who was uncaring of her vampirism.
The vampire had became restless one night. She was hungry. Her thirst for blood couldn’t be controlled. When she felt like this, the vampire went to the cemetery and feasted on already deceased villagers’ blood.
It wasn’t the best, at all, but it was better than harming an innocent person. The blood typically wasn’t warm anymore, and it tasted horrible. It was clotted and just unpleasant to drink. It never left her full, instead leaving her with a hunger that couldn’t be properly satiated.
There were no fresh bodies for her to drink from that night. The vampire’s body twisted, restless, next to her husband in bed. She thought the best thing she could do is try to ignore the hunger deep in her stomach and sleep.
She dreamt, that night, about drinking from an alive human. She had dug her sharp teeth into the person's wrist. She punctured the skin and immediately licked the wound clean of the delicious blood, lapping the two little holes left behind from her teeth over and over. The warm blood hit her tastebuds, and it was wonderful.
Next, she had attacked the person's neck. The side, specifically, because it bled more. The person she was stealing blood from didn’t seem to mind. They didn’t try to stop the vampire at all. She would’ve taken a good look at their face, but she was busy enjoying her meal.
She had sucked the human completely dry.
The skin was pale, and the human was no longer alive. No blood meant the heart stopped beating. The vampire felt remorse, but it was worth it. She wouldn’t have to feast like this for a very long time.
She finally looked up to take a glance at the face.
It was her husband.
The vampire woke in a cold sweat, immediately tasting copper on her tongue. She was almost afraid to look beside her.
She was correct to be scared.
What she saw was her husband's pale face. Completely sucked dry of everything he had. Feeling so incredibly shameful, the vampire got up and went to her husband's shed. Her husband had been a wood carver, and had carved a beautiful stake with intricate designs. Swirls that wrapped around the long wood, flowers, wheat, fruit. The design was truly beautiful.
It was freshly finished. The end was still sharp.
The vampire dragged it all the way back to her husband's house, her cheeks dripping with tears. The sound of her tears hitting the wooden floors could not be heard over her sobs. She lay next to her deceased husband, holding the stake to the skin protecting her heart.
The vampire could feel the sharp edge poking her skin.
She choked on a sob and closed her eyes. She lifted the stake up and up and up, oh so slowly, until…
She slammed it down.
Directly into her heart.
She let out a scream, tears falling from her eyes.
With a shaky arm, she pulled out the stake, earning another scream to tear from her throat. The daggers engraved designs were stained with her blood—her husband's blood, that's where she stole from, after all.
She reached into her chest and pulled out her heart.
Her throat was dry and irritated from screaming and sobbing. Her screams were silent as she choked down her own heart, her sharp teeth biting into the flesh and devouring.
If some random vampire lady could do it, so could Dazai! Though the idea of eating his own heart was very appealing, he’d thought he should give the honours to Chuuya.
Getting Chuuya to agree would be the hard bit, Dazai thought, but it was so much easier than he expected. He had decided to do it one night while it was in Chuuya’s very lovely penthouse. He’d broken in, of course.
”Ne, Chuuya,” Dazai had said, patting the space next to him on the couch. Chuuya didn’t even look his way from his seat at the kitchen table. Once Dazai realized that this wasn’t working, he called out to him. ”Chuuya! Good doggies listen to their owners! I’m telling you to get over here, so get over here!”
He knew that would get a reaction out of Chuuya.
”What do you want, shitty Dazai. You’re really lucky I haven’t kicked you out yet.” Chuuya had scoffed, but walked over and sat next to Dazai no less.
”I just had the greatest idea, ne Chuuya!”
”And that would be?”
“I’m going to kill myself!”
Chuuya had paused, then laughed.
“Kill yourself? Don’t be an idiot, you can’t die. If anyone should know that, it would be you.”
“No, I figured out how! Really, do you not believe me!? When have I lied to you?”
…
Many times, but Chuuya didn’t say that. Dazai continued on.
”But I don’t want to die alone. Chuuya should die with me! C’mon, it’ll be so romantic—a lover’s double suicide. Truly, what a way to go out…”
“...Hell,” Chuuya had said. He was deep in thought. After a minute or 2, he said: “Yeah sure, fuck it.”
Well, that was easier than Dazai expected!
“Woah, really!? Chibi is so nice to me! So, here’s how we do it…”
Today was the day! Osamu clocked out of another day of his boring job at the detective agency. Surprisingly, he felt pure calmness the whole day. So maybe it wasn’t that boring. When he left, he didn’t bother to say bye to anyone. They didn’t deserve a final goodbye from such a filthy man.
Dazai hummed as he practically skipped to Chuuya’s penthouse. He had spent the last few days carving a breathtaking stake. It would be used on himself, and then Chuuya. That was the plan!
Upon digging deeper, Dazai found out that you don’t actually have to eat the heart of a vampire for it to die; you only need to stab it. Dazai couldn’t believe how stupid he was for not realizing this earlier. He could’ve died years ago.
Sighing, he finally arrives at Chuuya's penthouse. The door was unlocked, how considerate of the mafioso.
“Chibi! I’m home,” Dazai cheerfully called out. Chuuya was mindlessly pacing around the room. “Chuuya! I said I’m home. Good dogs rush to their owners' feet and greet them at the door!”
…
Chuuya was either ignoring him, or so completely engrossed in whatever the hell he was thinking about. No, Chuuya could never not react to being called a dog! “...Chuuya?” Dazai stepped inside the door and shut it behind himself.
Chuuya finally looked up when he heard the door click softly. “Oh. Osamu,” Chuuya said, staring at Dazai. “Hi, um. Do you still want to do that thing?”
Oh, that’s what he was thinking about! Poor chibi… Does he not want to die with a disgusting man like myself?
“...Yeah. Why, something wrong? D’ you don't wanna die with someone like me? Is that what you’re saying?”
“I never said that!”
“So then let’s get on with it! C’ mon! I’ve been waiting my whole life.” Dazai groans, not even taking off his coat before laying on Chuuya’s carpeted flooring in the middle of the living room. He had chosen this spot because any blood that spilled from Chuuya (and himself) would stain the carpets forever.
He wouldn’t want Chuuya to be forgotten, after all!
Dazai didn’t care as much for himself.
“Go on! I made the stake only about 9 inches so that your tiny hands could hold it, Chibi!” Dazai giggled. Chuuya left the room to get the wooden stick, and Dazai lay on the floor on his back. He was oh so calm.
No drug could replicate this. So glad I didn’t decide to overdose, this is so much better.
…Overdosing just wouldn’t work on Dazai, but no matter. Chuuya soon returned holding the pretty stake. “Are you sure about this, Osamu?”
“Mmh, very. I want to die with you. Maybe if I decided to die alone, I would hesitate, but with you… I feel like everything's going to be okay.” Dazai looked into Chuuya’s eyes lovingly. Chuuya thought it was the most honest Dazai had been in years.
“...I love you, Osamu.” Chuuya left a kiss on Dazai’s chapped lips. It was gentle and so loving. Dazai thought he didn’t deserve it.
“I love you too, Chuuya. More than anything.”
“You can close your eyes if you want, love.”
“Why would I do that? I want to look at my beautiful husband's face—I want you to be the last thing I see.”
“Of course, Osamu.”
And with that, Chuuya positioned the stake above Dazai’s heart. He let it poke through the layers of Dazai’s clothing, let the very very tip press against Dazai’s skin. Then, with two hands on the stake, Chuuya raised his arms and slammed down.
Dazai groaned in pain, his body twitching.
…
Dazai was smiling.
Chuuya smiled back, even though Dazai’s eyes had forced themselves shut. He twisted the stake, earning a whimper of pain and a choked sob from the man below. Tears fled from Dazai’s eyes.
Chuuya thought he looked beautiful.
The redhead tore the stake out, causing a huge gush of blood to spurt from the fresh wound and a pained groan from Dazai.
Chuuya dug two fingers in the wound, searching for the brunette's heart. Once he found it, he reached his whole hand and tugged harshly.
Dazai let out a pained scream, and Chuuya patted his head and rubbed his cheek with his free hand. His other hand was busy bringing up Dazai’s heart to his mouth and biting down as hard as he could.
Chuuya thought he would throw up, but he didn’t. Being a vampire himself, he had eaten people’s organs all the time. But never someone's heart.
The taste wasn’t anything special, but still, his heart swelled. Dazai wanted Chuuya to eat his heart. He’d wanted Chuuya to die with him.
He placed a kiss on Dazai’s cheek, leaving a blood red stain.
Osamu Dazai was dead.
And Chuuya was the one who got to give this gift to Osamu.
It was even better knowing they wouldn’t be separated for much longer.
Chuuya, with bloodied hands, grabbed the stake and laid beside Dazai’s body. He took hold of Dazai’s hand, holding it with his mostly clean left hand. The other hand had a death grip on the stake Dazai had spent so much time engraving. Chuuya thought he should admire it once more.
When looking closer, Chuuya had noticed tiny words he had not seen before on the stake:
Nakahara Chuuya and Osamu Dazai - together even in death
Chuuya smiled.
He raised the stake right above his heart.
For Dazai, Chuuya hadn’t used his ability. He wanted to cause Osamu the least amount of pain possible. But for himself…
He didn’t care.
Chuuya slammed the stake down as hard as he could into his heart.
Chuuya and Dazai would be together again, at last, this time free of suffering.