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Some insight on this au !! So Xander doesn’t kill his dad and he is present, but ends up dying when Alex is like 18-19. Ethan and Xander do meet way before they are adults .
Also important part of this univers - homophobia is RAMPANT in this univers , like 1970-80 type , people can talk about it but the moment your in an actual relationship you’ll be absolutely destroyed by your community.
So this is like a doomed relationship trope
they were eachothers first love , and first times, so that’s why I seem to over exaggerate emotions despite there not a lot of romance or tension,
Some insight on Alexander’s pov , he’s claimed he’s straight like all his life despite all the obvious signs, and refuses to accept any attraction he feels for men , but he does acknowledge it though. It doesn’t disgust him but he couldn’t accept himself being with a man .
Uh so yeah if I missed anything you’ll find out while reading . And yes this is a childhood-friend type romance.Oh yeah and Christian is here but isn’t relevant .
(So no this isn’t our univers it’s similar- the tech and culture is similar to the 2000 but the beliefs are as I mentioned 80s style )
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A small white haired boy that seemed about Ethan’s age sat there on the concrete ledge of the sidewalk, he had tears drying on his face , and a trail of blood flowing on his shirt from his nose.
Ethan looked out , he hesitated a little , wasn’t sure if he should approach him or not , he’s a pretty shy kid…but also that poor boy , all alone .
So he stepped away from the car and walked up to him trying to muster all his courage . In a situation like this he probably shouldn’t be doing other things but children find ways to distract themselves.
Then he was now stood right above him , the boy turning his head up to acknowledge him .
…” are you okay?”
“…I - .. yes I am just um - my cousin got a little mad at me …”
“He must be a horrible cousin then..”
“No - no , he’s nice he just has .. moments ..”
..
“What’s your name ?”
Ethan leans down to hear him better
“Alexander …yours? “
“Well Alexander , I’m Ethan”
“You seem nice Ethan -“
Ethan looks back , his older brother finally exiting the building he was in
“Ethan , come back already, we’re going to be late - don’t make me -“Mason impatiently screams after him
Seven year old Ethan turns back to Alex
“I’m leaving now -sorry “
“Ok - to where ?”
“Um…- my parents funeral? ,,, Goodbye Alex! “
And just like that he hopped back in the car and took off .
That’s definitely a first … though not like Xander had many friends? Maybe this was a chance.
——————————————-
And indeed they did meet a couple times after that - though not a lot since they couldn’t really see eachother.
Ethan intrigued Alex , the boy had been through so much , but unlike Alex , he wasn’t always on high alert or drained of all energy.
The two ended playing in the park and Ethan even got invited in Alexander’s house but had to stop because his father pushed him out and started yelling at Xander then shut the door in his face . Apparently he didn’t want visitors.
Ethan pitied Xander , he never said it since Alex insisted on being all though and powerful, but Ethan wished that he’d be able to help children in situations like this .
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After that for years they’d see each other occasionally , and they’d chat , or just smile and wave .
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——-
“Cmon Ethan let’s just go already, what’s taking so long ?” Andrew looked back from the staircase- to see that Ethan was standing there seemingly staring at something
When he tilted his head to see , Ethan was looking at - Xander ?
“What’s with the hold up ?-“
Alexander was on the couch- probably there at Andrews house with his mom but she wasn’t there , most likely somewhere in another room
He had grown his hair out - and looked pretty different. I mean yeah it had been a while but they had seen eachother here and there , but he was so pretty- though he did have a couple scars and bruises .
“Uh - can I stop for a second “ Ethan took a second to decide if he’d actually go back up to him , it had been a while ..but from what he remembers, Alex was a pretty sweet boy once you get to know him .
“What ? That - that’s just my cousin - Xander “
“Yeah uh I know - Alex , it’s just we were friends in our childhood ..well kind off”
Then Ethan ignored Andrew that had started blabbering about how much of a loser Xander was , because he had walked off to re-introduce himself .
..
“Alex? Long time no see” Ethan waved pulling some of his hair from his face
“Ethan “ Xander looked at Ethan who now had a pretty alternative look completed by smoky eyeliner and side bangs
“…wow …you look like different- “ He was a little taken aback by the new look , Ethan was so shy when they were younger not one to stand out , but he had to admit it suited him really well .
“Yeah- from last time you saw me “
Then Xander realized how that first remark sounded so he reiterated
“No- no , I meant you look like really cool - it suits you “
“Are you in the band Andrew mentioned?”
“Yeah I -“
Then before Ethan could finish his sentence, a livid - fuming Andrew yelled after him -pure rage in his tone
“Ethan - come back you fucking idiot - or do you just want to spend the whole night talking to my idiot cousin-
why don’t you make out while your at it , you’re gay -anyway ?”
Ethan psychically winced at the cringe comment at the end , was Andrew actually annoyed or jealous at a five minute conversation?
It was humiliating- though Xander looked even more embarrassed. The reaction definitely wasn’t warranted but now he regrets even coming there at Andrew’s house .
Xander took a second and fidgeted a bit - as Ethan walked away
“…- See you later ! “
Ethan simply gave him a smile and waved , then Andrew pulled him up the stairs to his room.
This wasn’t the first time something like this happened- there had been an incident with Jo too , not nearly as mean or intrusive as he allowed himself to be with Xander .
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————
Ethan walked through the sketchy alleyway , it was dimly lit ,damp and smelled like cigarette blunts , but he did eventually reach the martial arts location he was looking for.
It was pretty weird of him to ask someone else where Xander spent his time but it seemed like he just always disappeared at school- so attempting to talk to him there wasn’t such a bad idea .
He walked in and it was cheap looking, it seemed like almost anyone could just come in , but nonetheless he looked around and Alex was there -training.
He definitely had to muster up some confidence to talk to him , he could do it though right ?
Well he didn’t have to because Xander stopped what he was doing and came up to him .
“Ethan ?”
“I’m suprised you knew where to look for me “
“Yeah I had to ask around…, I’m not a weirdo I promise “
“Never thought you were”
“I wanted to see if you would like to catch up and maybe hang out sometime, or you know hang out in school’ or something”
“ That sounds great - anyway I was just finishing up practice .. maybe we could catch up on your walk home ?”
—————-___________
That’s when they first rekindled their friendship, long story short they started hanging out whenever they could , and whenever Andrew wasn’t around so that he wouldn’t have his toddler level mental breakdowns .
They’d go to Ethan’s house and listen to music together, sometimes drink a little, even did a school project together.
And Jo seemed to get along with Alex too …. Andrew on the other hand was a different story, he seemed to hate both Jo and Alex .
And if he ever found out that Ethan and Xander were hanging out he’d probably be LIVID .
Though he didn’t get a chance.
————-/—————————-
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The rain poured on him - soaking him in wet water, causing all the blood he was letting out to drip all over him .
Who should he even call ? He only had three best friends…well in reality two .
Did Andrew do this? - fuck him, god Ethan despised him now.
And Jo ? Jo hasn’t talked to him and he isn’t sure how much he knows of this …so
…
Ethan’s phone slipped through his hands as he did his best to dial Alexander’s number .
“Shitty Nokia “ Ethan mumbled through his breath
ᴿᶦⁿᵍ ʳᶦⁿᵍ ʳᶦⁿᵍ
nothing
ᴿᶦⁿᵍ ʳᶦⁿᵍ ʳᶦⁿᵍ
“Cmon pick up - pick up “
“Ethan ?” Alexes voice calmed him a bit , finally.
“Yeah Alex . …I’m kind off homeless now ., so do you want to drink with me?id really help right now , also bring bandages if you have any .” He was practically crying even though what he was saying was so nonchalant - god why was his voice all shaky ?
“I’ll be there in a second “
And that he did - unluckily they couldn’t go back to Alexes house quite yet due to his father so .. they Alex stayed to drink with him …probably not the best decision but there weren’t many better options.
Practically stayed in an abandoned store drinking- Ethan smoked like one pack and half of cigarettes while just sobbing and Alex tried to soothe him .
And eventually slowly slipped the pack out his hand , Ethan wasn’t one to show emotion, but Alex couldn’t blame him for being like this ..he didn’t really have any other way to cope .
So Alex sat there while he cried his eyes out and ranted about everything until he fell asleep on Alexes shoulder, tears still running down his cheeks
“ᴾˢˢᵗ .. ᴱᵗʰᵃⁿ , ʷᵃᵏᵉ ᵘᵖ “
He nudged his head lightly as ever - brushing some hair from Ethan’s face .
“Mhm?”
“You can crash at my place let’s go “
“Your dad will kill you “ Ethan drunkly mumbled
“I’ll be fine . Let’s worry about you now for the moment ,”
“He will .”
“I’m not leaving you here“
…
Then a small pause as he got up
“You’ree my best frienddd Alex ,thank you , I love yiyy”
“You’re drunk “
“A little “
“A lot , let’s go home “
“finee- …
…I’m gonna puke “
Then Ethan tripped ,hunched over and threw up in a bush - twice
And due to the fact that he could barely walk Xander resorted to picking him up bridal style
“Putt mee down “
“You’ll fall “
…
“..do you hate me ?”
“no”
“Not even a little ?”
“Why ask ?”
“So …you do hate me ?”
——
That’s approximately how the rest of the conversations went - all the way home .
Xander plopped Ethan on a couch in his room - and he looked exhausted honestly. Alex wanted to cry for him , his eyes were so heavy-lidded and hollow , smudged eyeliner running down his face .
“thank you “ Ethan gave him one last little smile before practically passing out .
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So yes for a couple months then years they stayed pretty close friends , they even kissed once or twice while playing spin the bottle and maybe a couple times while drinking, though neither of them ever talked about it after ever again.
They kept hanging out until Neil and Ethan met. Alex even got a few girlfriends throughout the whole years , nothing serious … I’d did seem like his mental health did start declining , due to his father’s behavior and his depression .
That’s when Ethan just kind of left to go to police academy (though Xander didn’t know that- Ethan hasn’t specified which academy), and Alex didn’t hear from him for a one year , maybe even more .
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ᵏⁿᵒᶜᵏ ᵏⁿᵒᶜᵏ
It was pretty late , Xander lived alone now. He wasn’t even really expecting to hear from anyone right now .
So he hesitatingly got up and opened his front door.
…
…..”Ethan?”
Ethan seemed to have just got off of his shift because he was still wearing his police officer uniform .
“Yeah”
“I haven’t seen you in like ages “ Alexes eyes flickered ,a bit uncertain
“Only a year and half “ Ethan said in a quiet tone
..
“I wanted to see how you were doing -“
“You’re a cop now ?” Alexes tone sounded a little surprised
“Yeah , officially a police captain” Ethan glanced down at his uniform
“So that’s were you disappeared to ? Huh “
“sorry about that .” Ethan sheepishly let his head down a bit
Then in a low tone asked “May I come in ?”
“Yeah - yeah , not like anyone really visits me anyway.”
Ethan looked around Alexes hallway - there were plenty of pictures on the walls , some even with him
Then a lot with his mom , ….and some with Andrew, his father was seemingly covered in most photographs.
..
They reached the living room and sat down .
“It doesn’t suit you “
…
Ethan stopped looking around and spacing up for a second
..” what ?”
“The job , I didn’t think you’d be a cop ..like ever .” And Alex wasn’t expecting it , Ethan was a pretty rebel teen , though he guesses people change
“well Neil kind of inspired me , it didn’t seem like an option before ..”
…
“Why’d you leave so suddenly- or like didn’t try to talk to me after that and tell me where you went ?.”
Ethan honestly wasn’t sure , he left practically everything and everyone in the past - including poor Maddie and Michael back then .
But god did he realize how shitty he felt for how he left
“I’m not sure ,I just - knew I had a job to do ..” Ethan wasn’t sure if there was a worse answer than what he gave - he just put his head down in shame
…
“How’s it been with your father?”
“He’s dead.” Alexes response was way to nonchalant for the circumstances
Ethan really wasn’t expecting that and it felt like he was just digging himself deeper in shit
“I’m sorry “
“Don’t be , you know how he was”
Ethan did indeed know how his father was , in fact sometimes he’d be the one to help clean Alexander’s wounds, back when they were close friends he was one of the only people Xander trusted like that .
And god did it hurt seeing Alex in such a situation, the way he’d wince in pain but try to hide it just made Ethan awfully pitiful
“I know but … losing someone like that must hurt ,at least a little?”
“Not really ..
… do you want a drink ?”
“ . Um , sure “
Xander went to kitchen and poured Ethan and himself a drink .
As Ethan fidgeted back in the living room , maybe it was a horrible idea that he came back anyway, but recently he’s been having trouble focusing without thinking about his life back at home while at work.
Then Xander stood back down .
“So Ethan , got any friends ? Girlfriend?”
“Not really , I get along and go out with people from work uh - Nina and Aaron . I don’t see anyone else though.”
“I see , you don’t have to be so stressed you know ? I’m not upset or anything.”
“You aren’t ?” Well it sure didn’t seem like it , Alex was giving him a horribly scary glare
“… How about you Alex ,any new friends ?”
“Not new … still training Christian, met this kid Blake and I’m thinking about helping him . , I still spend time with Andrew from time to time ever since you left …”
Ethan squinted his eyes hearing that , well yeah Andrew was Alex’s cousin but just hearing his name left a disgusting aftertaste in his mouth
“Oh .. any new news then?” Ethan slightly lifted an eyebrow , hoping to get some good answers
“I got diagnosed with clinical depression “
Of course he just had to ask the questions with the worst answers…
Though that one he was expecting, Ethan had noticed Alexes behavior ,how he felt and acted even though he refrained from saying anything.
“Well Alex it’s getting pretty late … do you mind if I swing by tomorrow? I don’t have work “
Alex looked at the time stood in silence for a bit before responding
“Sure , swing by anytime “
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“You still smoke … right ?”
Alex said pulling something out his pocket , I’d didn’t sound like he was being judgmental just wondering.
“Uh yeah , why ?” Ethan looked up , curious on why he’d ask that
“Because I bought some and I wanted to ask if you wanted one .” Alex added
“Do YOU smoke now ? “ Ethan was caught of guard, his tone of voice pretty worried .
“No , .. rarely only sometimes.”
“I thought you didn’t like the aftertaste” Ethan wasn’t one to question him considering he’s been a smoker since like fifteen, but he has a tendency for being more concerned for others than himself.
“Yeah but then I tried some with Andrew-“ then Xander shut his mouth and almost instantly regretted saying that , he knew how they both felt about that man
“Why do you even care that much ,
what , are you concerned for me or something? “ Xander sounded almost a bit upset that Ethan even cared, like it was simply another obstacle
“Yes ? You are- were one of my closest friends “ How could he even ask that ? Of course he was concerned, especially since last time he saw him , Alex wasn’t in the best place .
“Well don’t worry ,I barely smoke … “
“Ok , good.”
“ᴴʸᵖᵒᶜʳᶦᵗᵉ” Alex quietly said under his breath , just loud enough that Ethan would hear
“What ? “ Ethan’s tone was almost ironic
“Idiot”
“Not what you said”
“Dumbass”
“That’s not what you said either ,your just saying more insults “ Ethan scoffed smiling
..
“You grew your hair out a lot “ Ethan remarked, admiring from the side
“Yeah”
“It’s pretty” He leaned to see Alexes face better
Alex’s face heated up a bit , almost a little caught of guard
“Can I braid it ?” It sounded dumb when he said it , but not like they didn’t do it all the time as teens .
“What am I? a child ?” Xander sounded almost slightly offended
The next thirty minutes were spent with Ethan braiding Alexes hair while they talked
Ethan’s fingers brushed against Xanders neck and he noticed some scars that seem newer
“You still getting into fights?” He brushed some strands out the way, his voice unsure
“Sometimes “
“You never learned how to stop getting hurt did you ?” his tone wasn’t condescending, just slightly concerned
“And you never learned how to stop worrying and how to mind your own business.”
“That’s just how I am , plus someone has too”
———————————
And slowly their relationship was returning to a little of what it was… though with a different tension than before ..
It wasn’t like they were 100% platonic in the past , they always had a more psychically affectionate type friendship - and as I mentioned they’d kissed in the past , but they seemed to be catching some sort of feelings .
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“What’s that?” Alex puts his head on Ethan’s shoulder from behind looking at what he has in his hand
“A new case I’ve been assigned” Ethans breath hitched a bit at the proximity , freezing up a bit at first
“Hm , have you solved a lot of cases?”it felt like Alexes eyes were digging in the side of his head as he asked
“Well , not a lot since I’m still new and pretty young but a decent amount.”
“Are you good at it ?”
“I’d hope so “
“What’s your worst case you’ve been to so far ?”
“Probably murder , where the murderer was still at the scene”
“Did they have a weapon?”
“Uh - not really , technically just brass knuckles but still dangerous “
“Were you scared ?”
“A little, I do have a gun though “
“Is that the only thing you count on?”Alex had an almost mocking , lighthearted tone
“Oh shut up , not everyone’s a 6,4 , buff ass man that’s been training for years.”
“I didn’t even say anything “ Alex smiled
“You were implying it.”
“Yeah I was “ Alex laughed a bit twirling a strand of Ethan’s hair
“Oh Ethan , by the way do you have work tomorrow?”
“No , why ?”
“You could crash in my guest room since it’s late , and we could play cards or something “
“Play cards ? I’ve never seen you play cards”
“You know what I meant “ Alex rolled his eyes
“Sure , I’ll stay ,, thanks “
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Ethan ran a hand through Alexes white slightly shiny clean hair .
“You cut it a bit “ Ethan remarked
“Yeah I did , is it bad ?”
“No it’s barely noticeable, plus any hairstyle would look good on you”
“Shut up , you have women practically crawling all over you “
“Yes but I don’t want a women “
“Men find you attractive too “
“Really, like who ?”
“Well I do “
“That’s different you’re my friend”
“I guess so , I’m sure there are plenty “
“Really cause I haven’t even kissed anyone in like ages ?”
“You never offered? “ Alex put his hand under Ethan’s chin teasingly lifting it up a little
Ethan made a fake upset expression a bit to ease the slight redness that was creeping up his face .
———————————
Well actually turns out that Alex wasn’t kidding after all
/////————————————
Alex was slightly tipsy and not exactly sure how , but he ended up making out with Ethan , well actually he WAS sure because it was kind of his fault . He was the one that pulled Ethan close and practically put himself hovering the point of their noses touching , and then Ethan kissed him but was also the one that leaned in .
Though this didn’t change anything right ? Girls kiss their straight girl friends and it’s all platonic …. Well Ethan and Alex weren’t exactly straight , or platonic , but maybe it didn’t mean anything.
Nothing seemed to change - they were still comfortable around each other , maybe even more comfortable…that wasn’t necessarily a good thing though.
So that isn’t too bad , till it happened again - this time Alex kissed first , and neither the first or second were anything near platonic … more like compulsive ,and even worse ,for Alex every time it happened he felt warm and fuzzy. Which in his opinion was the worst outcome.
This happened a couple more times , that turned into of months of it , neither seemed to address the not so little situation ship that was forming .
————
Well neither addressed it until …they woke up next to each other ….naked .
Alex rolled over to see Ethan’s uniform on the ground- I’d say he was surprised but you can’t be surprised when you already knew exactly what happened.
You could blame the alcohol though neither were really drunk , maybe even slightly more sober than usual.And it was definitely a conscious decision, an impulsive one and that he’d probably regret, but nonetheless definitely no accident.
And in fact , Alex wasn’t feeling regret- but fear , because he liked it , he liked this , he liked being with Ethan .
It scared him that he didn’t regret it when he knew deep down he should.
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——
“So ..what is this ?” Ethan sat across from him at the table
“..?” Alex arched an eyebrow
“Our relationship I mean”
“Friends ..” Alex winced mentally while saying that , he didn’t even sound convinced with his own response
“….we’ve been making out for three months and half , we just slept together and you woke me up with breakfast ?”
“So?”
“You said you were only interested in dating women ?” Ethan remarked
“I am “
“But you’re attracted to men ?” Ethan reiterated asking again
“ ….yes ..”
“So this wasn’t anything?” Ethan asked hesitantly
“We are platonic..”
“Alex … we both know that’s a lie “
“Whatever it just .. won’t happen again..like ever “
Ethan tried to talk to him after that but nothing seemed to come out of it .
But it did happen again , twice
“So you don’t like me ? “
“I never said that ..”
“Then why won’t you help me decide what this is ?”
“Because it isn’t anything- ok ? “ Alex sounded defensive, brushing Ethan off
The stubbornness definitely didn’t help
Though after that it did stop - though they still hung out a bunch , and cuddled, and Alex almost kissed him again .
—————————
“I got a girlfriend Ethan “ Alex forced the words out his mouth , even though he should technically be happy about this , he was also into women after all
“..a girlfriend? “ Ethan didn’t seem surprised, didn’t even lift his head from where he was looking .
“Yes…”
“Good for you .” Ethan sounded genuine
“Totally “ Alex gave a forced smile
“Why that tone ? “
“Nothing .. nothing “
“What is something ..wrong ?”
Something was indeed killing Alex inside - he felt awful, he didn’t like this girl (not like she really liked him very much either her mother convinced her to find someone early to settle down )
He liked Ethan , and it felt like he was cheating, he stopped being so close with Ethan before he dated her , but still , he yearned for someone else .
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(Okay beware this is based off of that one trend where it’s a partener about to get married and being congratulated , and then the next slide is the other partner saying “but it’s not her/him” , but I had NO idea how to interpret this into a fic so here it is sorry 😕)
So the months passed , and Ethan and Alex got more distanced .
Then Alex was the one who showed up at Ethan’s doorstep
“I’m getting married.” Alex looked more horrified than happy
“Oh .”
“I like her - not love , she’s nice , I don’t think she even loves me , it’s more of a family agreement, and that’s what I want - and she’s kind and pretty and it isn’t like I wouldn’t be able to love her but it’s just -
“It’s not you ” Alexes eyes flutter a bit , tears in them .
“Then why are you marrying her ? Why did you come here “ Ethan knew why, and the circumstances, but he almost instinctively needed to get proper reassurance
“I don’t know … I’m sorry I’ve got to go “
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——————-___________________
You wouldn’t expect Ethan to come to Alexes wedding but he did , he was there .
Almost front row , It felt awfully painful walking down the aisle .
Ethan had to admit , Alex looked beautiful, the bride was nice too .
But the way Alexes eyes would flutter in his direction haunted him .Alex was with someone else … and Ethan wanted to be happy for him , but even Alex wasn’t
————————————————
So as years passed Ethan would turn his head whenever he heard his name or saw anything that resembled white hair .
He thought he’d forget his face, but he didn’t , in fact it felt like it was burned into his memory, just another old friend ..
——————————
He didn’t hear much from Alex after that , they’d send eachother letters occasionally but other than that , they were just two strangers,
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