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The chill of the North Ward truly is something Follo hadn’t quite remembered in a while. He’s forgotten the hazard the snow can bring upon a human, and really just had that information refreshed to his noggin from Semiu before he packed his things for a day off. Man, if it weren’t for her he would’ve probably died of pollution poisoning….
Then again, after hell of a ton of missions, He’s been given the opportunity for a day off! That’s one thing a cleaner always dreams of, so what better way to spend it than to re-visit the North Ward? On a perfectly warm day, he’d be basking in the dust and pollutants the East Ward has been kind enough to bring upon their headquarters..Luckily for him they have shut windows, he has a comfortable bed, sturdy walls and a smooth floor with a clean bathroom he is currently preparing to leave behind temporarily for his little vacation, each goodbye to his small furnitures and trinkets he’s had for a while since his early months of being with the Cleaners.
The Cleaners…Oh the Cleaners. A truly rare moment when he does think deeply about them he can’t help but feel so grateful they let him join their family. Made him feel like he was doing something with his life, filled him with determination. A stronger sense of determination at that. Unlike the one Alan sparked in him. Oh, heavens. He’s thinking too much. The thought of him is too much, but hell, does he need to know if he’s still alive.. Is that why he was visiting the North Ward? For Alan? No, no.. That’s just. That’s a far assumption, even Follo feels an underlying boiling pain rising in his chest just thinking about it. He’s going there to relish in his childhood food, the pathways he’s walked on to his old school, and to just, relax.
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The drive there was truly his idea of relaxing, no surprise, Gris is the driver. He was kind enough to drive Follo there himself. It’s reminiscent of a father taking his son to school, but that’s something Follo can keep to himself, really.
The first step out of the car was like dipping your leg into an arctic river. Follo internally cursed himself out for not wearing at least 2 layers, he took the climate way too lightly. He soon hopped out fully and made sure to securely close the door of the jeep before he went to the back trunk to get his bag. “Al’rright,” Gris manages to yawn out while giving the back of the jeep a good pat down to get rid of any dust. “Spend your money wisely, don’t get caught up in fights, and–” “Always have my hat on so that the snow doesn’t touch my skin, got it.” Follo re-iterated. Gris let out a sigh and smiled, contently. “Sorry, just about ya. It’s been a while since you’ve been to the North Ward haven’t ya?” Follo chuckles. “I’ll be fine, the memories will get to me once I step foot into that place and soon I’ll remember my way around places. They barely make any renovations here anyway, too much money would be spent.” Follo calmly said. Before he could wave a final goodbye, He felt a firm hand take off his Ushanka and ruffle his soft hair. The man standing before him let out a small laugh. “Update me and Tomme through photos okay? And send a distress signal if there’s a trash beast nearby.” Follo gently took Gris’ hand off of his head, “I can handle that trash beast myself, don’t waste your time driving here.” Follo brightly said, and Gris couldn’t have been more blinded by light.
The sound of wheels slowly drive away as Follo walks to the main entrance. And oh boy, the memories sure did get to him alright. The first step on the insidious snow, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, malignant white sand. White like his hair. White like his pearly bunny teeth. White as the day he couldn’t even face him, stuck rotten to his bed. White is bright, bright is light, light is wide, but was it wider than Follo’s eyes the moment Alan just quit? He’d like to know the answer too.
Follo shook his head hard. There were other things on his itinerary that he should focus on, but would a check-up on Alan really hurt? No, it wouldn’t. But the concept of him coming back with his hammer, named Alan for starters, and telling him that he’s a Giver? Yeah, the world would end. His thoughts engulfed his mind too much that this bewitching heap of a homeland is starting to cave in on him. Like it was a timer for his decision. Did he want to see Alan? Did Alan want to see him? Was he even alive? Follo huffed a puff of white, chilling air. He’d go anyway.
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It was chilly in Follo’s rented room. He’d been curled up in layered blankets like a burrito for approximately 2 hours now. He’s hungry, but at the same time he wants to visit Alan, check up with his parents. God, what the hell does he want? He grips his hammer, laid next to him on the bed sheet, and takes one good look at it. It doesn’t matter if Alan hated him for this. It wouldn’t matter if Alan was dead. Well, maybe that matters. Does it? Does he even care? Shit, what is he thinking? Of course he cares! What matters is that he just gives Alan an update, then everything will be over. That includes future meet-ups too. He swings his lower body as a way to sit up on his bed, and eyes hit Ushanka and Coat on the hanger beside the wooden door. He gets moving.
The path to Alan’s home never changed at all. The same walls, the same stones, the same smokey scent, the same secluded cold atmosphere, and soon a door would show up in front of him, that he is destined to knock on. So he did, and he was answered. The door creaked open, two familiar faces looked at him skeptically. Alan’s parents. “Good afternoon young man, what brings you here?” Follo inhaled sharply, but quietly. “I’d….I’d like to check up on Alan. I’m Follo, Follo Tunito. I’ve come back for a visit, as this is my day off.” The two elders immediately put on shocked faces. “Follo!? My, my…You’ve grown up quite a lot! We haven’t seen you in forever, what a pleasant surprise!” The mother exclaimed. “I sure hope ye got a damn good occupation son’, what took you away for so long?” Follo felt a sense of pride shine upon him. “I’m a part of The Cleaners. A giver, sir.” …….. Annnnd silence! What the hell do I say now? He thought in the midst of the awkwardness, but ultimately decided to get straight to the point. “Ah...Uh…It’s very pleasant to see you too Mr. and Mrs., may I ask if Alan is busy?” The two parents seemed to shake out of their shocked demeanor at that, “Ah, of course! Well, he’s been fine, we just..Don’t see him come out of his room that much these days. We assume he’s tired but, you’re free to check in on him yourself, maybe that’ll get him out of his shell.”
Follo didn’t like that. He wasn’t pleased to hear that. “Well, he’s been fine, we just..Don’t see him come out of his room that much these days.” That sounds exactly like how Alan was the last time they met. But, he won’t jump to conclusions. Not this time, not when he’s changed. He’s stronger, more understanding, and he has courage. A lot of courage. Knock knock. …
Follo didn’t hear anything, so he tried once more. He lifted his fist to the hard surface– “Mom, I’m not hungry right now, but take what you need.” Follo almost vomited. Alan was still here, and he was echoing. Like ripples of water in his nerves.
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“Mom, I’m not hungry right now, but take what you need.”
“I’m not hungry right now, but take what you need.”
I’m not hungry right now,
but take what you need.
take what you need.
what you need.
you need.
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Last exhale of breath, eyes squinted, right fist curled, left fist pushing the door slowly open.
The figure in front of him was…It was a sight. Fluffy light hair, unkept. Loose plain t-shirt and comfy sweat pants. His back turned to Follo, just like the last time he saw him. Except he was standing, and drawing something on the wall next to his bed, and he looked just as tall as him. Was he decorating his room? His very lovely room, in fact. Follo looked around him, dark painted walls, shelves filled with trinkets like his own room at Cleaner’s HQ, and white stars stuck to the ceiling. How whimsy, Follo let out a huff of amazement. At that point, he didn’t realize that the huff he let out was a little too loud, and as he removed his eyes from the ceiling to look at Alan again, there he was. Staring at him with his big glassy, tired and spooked eyes, jaw dropped, drawing pen on the floor, shoulders sagged. That was quite literally the first time he saw Alan’s face in what he thinks is a decade, and he looks so exhausted.
Follo let out a shaky breath, but he didn’t want to show he was nervous, anything but that.
“Alan.” He manages to breathe out. “I– cough I’ve– come t-to visit ... .cough” Follo had to hold his stomach, his body bent while a series of really dry coughs escaped out of his throat. Next thing he knew he completely lost grip on the door as his knees buckled and hit the cold hard floor, head falling down on the hard surface and his vision blurring out. His ears were working fine enough for him to have heard; “Oh shit, Follo!” As feet hurriedly skipped through the floor to reach him. Follo tiredly smiled. So he remembers me… He passed out with arms just grabbing his shoulders.
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It was 4:23 pm, the sky was a dark orange-red, and Follo had slowly just woken up. On Alan’s bed. He grumbled. Really loudly. Maybe it was on purpose, to get the attention of the young man uncomfortably sitting next to him on a wooden chair, asleep. He was holding a glass of warm water, which he assumed was initially for his throat. Medicinal pills were placed on the shelf beside Alan, and Follo’s bag was neatly hung on the edge of the bed frame.
The pointless sound he made obviously didn’t wake him up. So he aimed for physical contact. He reached out his hand to gently touch Alan’s and smoothly took the glass of water out of his hand to reach behind his back and place it on the shelf. It seemed to have been a success, as Alan had slowly twitched his eyes open and slowly looked at Follo, who was still laying down on his bed.
He could hear Alan’s breathing. It was fast. Heavy. Unsure. Guilty. Regretful. Follo wanted it out of the moment, now. “Like I said, I was visiting today. It’s my day off.” Follo smiled, hoping really hard that it would break the tension. He heard Alan gulp, “Y-yeah, yeah. I heard…” Follo knew he wanted to say more, so he just didn’t say anything. “Uh.. Uhm…God, Follo. Where do I start. You– You passed out in my fucking room because you basically just got more prone to the toxicity of the snow here from how long you’ve been away, you–you didn’t even wear a mask, you’re a part of the cleaners, you’re a giver, you’re– you came to visit me. I don’t know what your motive is, I have so much to ask you, so much to tell you, so much to apologize for, so much to make up for– I…Sorry. You can just leave when you want. It’s painful to talk to me these days.”
Follo huffed, “I didn’t think you would be the type to point out my lack of safety gear.” aiming to humour up the moment. … Alan looked at him, really looked at him. “Follo.” “Alan.” he retorted. “Do you not– hate me right now?” Alan asked, honestly. “Do you think I’d visit you if I hated you right now?” Follo questioned, “I too, Alan, have a lot to tell you.” Alan’s expression turned into a more guilt-filled one. “Follo– just let me be sorry.”
“I’m not stopping you.”
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You stopped me.
But I vowed that I would never be like you.
So I won’t stop you.
Simple.
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Alan inhaled, “I was wrong to say all those words to you. I gave up and– I just tried making you give up too. But I knew you wouldn’t quit, my words would affect you but they wouldn’t make you do it. I ignited a spark too bright in you, so I told you to achieve your dream without me. And after that– I just went back to living, but everyday something in me felt different. Changed. In a negative way. Like a piece was carved out of me and it was never glued back into place, hell, I never saw it again. I never cared about being a Giver anymore. I think that was my spark, but I shoved it away.” Alan stood up, shifted, and kneeled to look at Follo eye to eye. Arms crossed on top of the bed sheets, head resting, tilted. Follo looked so pretty like this, dark hair splayed out on his pillow and drooping over his face, all open and attentive to him.
Follo looked at him with a small smile. “I did achieve my dream, thanks to you, but in my heart I did it with you.” Alan blinked at him, confused. “My vital instrument…The hammer..I carried a part of you with me until I cracked. You wouldn’t believe this, but I even named it Alan. It’s stupid but I’m just trying to say I never hated you after the incident. I just cared too much that I was afraid. I was afraid of a person I set as my inspiration in a tough spot, but I never changed the way I did things. I always pushed harder to reach your level.” Follo shifted his position on the bed to properly look at Alan. Alan let out a chuckle. “That’s– That’s interesting.” Follo let out a grumble. “Just say It’s weird man.” Alan’s chuckles soon turned into consistent giggling, “No– no, no, no! I– I’m honored that you thought of me in such a way, really.” Follo sighed gladly. “I’m glad you kept going, Follo. Even if I definitely didn’t deserve to be your catalyst of motivation.” Alan gently massaged Follo’s shoulder for a bit.
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“It’s getting late, Alan. I should probably go.” “You can sleep here,” Alan said. “This…Might be the last we’ll see each other in a while.” Follo blatantly gave him a surprised expression, but he didn’t deny anything.
8:53 pm
The bed was a little cramped, but it’s okay, body heat is a good source for warming up on cold winter nights. Follo and Alan were both laying on their side, facing each other, sharing the same pillow. “You know, Alan. Sometimes I think that I really just tagged along with you cuz I had a lil’ crush on you.” ………… Follo immediately wanted to jump out the window. “N–Not to be weird or anything! Obviously you inspired me to achieve to be a great giver, that's mainly why. That was– that was long ago you know..Just, a fun fact is all..hah…Since we were so set on talking about the past.” Alan just blankly looked at him, curiosity? Disgust? Oh what the hell is he looking at him like that for. “So, when I told you that we should give up on that day, did it feel like your first heart break?” Alan asked, genuinely. Follo felt his face heat up, he couldn’t tell if it was from the statement or if they were just so close to each other. “Yeah. Yeah it did.” Follo tried answering in a cool tone. Alan smugly smiled. “Past this, past that, you really suck at lying.” Follo opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He gulped. “Maybe I should’ve just gone home two hours ago.” “Maybe you should’ve.” Alan retorted. “Maybe I should’ve given you something before you left, but since it’s too late, I’ll just give it right now. Better late than ever.”
Alan gently grabbed Follo’s flushed face into both of his hands and moved his face closer to his, waiting for an approval. He didn’t need one. Follo was the one who closed the gap, their lips slotted together, deep. Their breaths were against the other, and getting themselves all over each other is all they can think of in this random, unplanned, snowy but oddly warm and intimate night. Follo rubs his forehead against his as he pulls away for breath, only for a short period of time as Alan leans forward to kiss him again, thumbing his bottom lip open for better access. He thumbs it, Follo bites on it, he soothes it. Their legs intertwine under fluffy blankets, thin waists both held by the other.
Whines came out from both men. Moans on each bite, short of breath on each lick, they were not holding back.
Follo at this moment has rolled on top of him, teething and kissing at Alan’s chin and neck, left hand stretched out to lift Alan’s head up to give access, right elbow planted on the bed for leverage, legs straddled on his waist. He sucked hickeys into him, purple and red roses.
Follo breathed. "Mmm.. Missedt'cha.... So bad.." He lifted his head up to look at Alan.
Alan was– a breathing mess. No– a crying mess beneath him. That alarmed Follo a little. Perhaps this was a first for both of them. “Alan? Alan, are you okay? Did I cross a line? Should we stop?” Follo is quite literally panicking mid straddle. “Follo– Follo, fuck, I’m so sorry. We shouldn’t do this, I shouldn’t give you this–” Ah, Follo knew what was going on. He covered Alan's mouth with his hand, with the utmost care in the world. “Alan. I want this so– so, so , so badly… Okay? I’ll stay in the morning– I’ll exchange blood with you for contact between our chokers– I don’t care if my choker is for work-purposes, I want to reach you–” Follo kissed Alan’s face, on his nose, his forehead, his lips, so soft, his cheeks, and thumbed his tears away as they kept on coming slowly.
Alan had his arms around Follo’s neck. “I’ll savour this, Alan. Before I leave tomorrow.” His fingers travel under Alan’s shirt to touch his stomach, and start gripping at the sides. Alan silently nods as his fingers move to Follo’s disheveled hair and he starts gripping the fluffy strands like he never wants to push Follo away ever again. Follo’s hand is on his cheek with their mouths back together. Alan feels their tongues mixing, he feels the gropes on his bare waist, thumb gnawing on the center just below his chest on the dip of his ribcage. He's being devoured on the outside, but It’s a slower movement, more careful, more mindful, but more careless of the time they have. Follo’s hair works as a curtain that encapsulates Alan’s face perfectly, it feels like he’s in their own world, just the two of them. The light of the moon, strong enough to bring the tear-made shine on Alan’s face, Follo’s two fingers trailing down to rest at his collar bones, his right hand neatly pushing the strands of light colored bangs away from his forehead. God, he’s already died, hasn’t he.
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They end up hugging each other to sleep. The cold wind will determine their plans for tomorrow. But for now, It’s just silent apologies and tender kisses.
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