Chapter Text
A pinwheeled curtain of bleach white snow gathered high in the azure skyline above the carriage as the final train for the evening rapidly approached its destination.
Paradise Frost.
The words were scrawled across the paper guide I had picked up from the stand before I climbed aboard, the folded pages crumpled slightly from my perusal over the past hour.
The humble serenade of the train tracks was soothing to my aching back as the vehicle rattled onward. Apparently the transportation method was some trillionaire snowflake’s passion project a few years ago. I supposed if you could afford to live near the poles another billion on an electromagnetic monorail themed to a 19th century steamer was a drop in the bucket.
I’d never been the kind to stay in one place for very long, at first just because I wanted to see more of the world I had glimpsed on the screens of my devices, but then as everything got more expensive priorities changed and it just became a necessity to stay… well, alive.
So one could imagine spending the entire last brick of my savings on a fucking train to probably the biggest scam in human history would be a pretty shocking move for a frugal doofus like me.
But at a certain point it was just like, fuck it, you know?!
An advertisement at just the right place, on just the worst fuckin’ day of my life, a grand winter resort that sounded right out of a fairy tale story that was free to come to? Insane.
It was on one of the busiest rushes of the year, the holiday one. Anti-Compact folks were willing to shell out more and more money for Terran-grown goods every day, and around this time of year? We were swamped at work.
Maybe it was just how my manager talked to me that day.
Maybe it was how snappy one of the regulars was who was usually so nice to me.
But I just couldn’t take it anymore.
It had felt so good to shove that apron in his stupid face, even though a part of me knew how bad it fucked him over. I just didn’t care anymore.
Money ran out fast, the areas I grew up in got more and more dangerous as a group that called themselves Plantfuckers rallied in protest to bring the Affini to terra faster.
That was a month ago, and now they were here.
I was about to walk to their front door! I mean if I knew I was gonna be maybe seein’ snow again? I–
“Do you need a tissue?” I heard from behind me.
I realized my cheeks were streaked with wetness as I touched ‘em with my fingers, and I took the sheet. “Thanks, um. I’m all good, promise. Appreciate you, though.”
Fuck, fucking fuck I was not doing myself any favors. I was about to meet the giant alien shapeshifting plants for the first time without a penny to my name and I was already–
Right. Their whole thing was unconditional love. Gotta, gotta remember that. It was going to be okay.
Lock ‘er in the ol’ long term vault.
I composed myself, and took another few glances at my guide. It almost seemed too good to be true, a winter wonderland built from the ashes of a place once only available for the super elite, now accessible to anyone who wanted to experience a break from it all.
After a while, the train hummed downwards until it came to a stop. The two other passengers nearby were up and had their bags in hand before I had a chance to even realize we had… stopped.
That train was smooth.
It was a little hard to get out of the historically accurate and obviously accord-designed seating, given my size, but I tried not to let it get to me. I was here to have fun, whatever that meant afterwards.
I closed my eyes as my weight shifted past the seats, adjusting my backpack–
Oh fuck.
The grey slate stone of the Rocky Mountain ski hills were just barely visible through the frozen tundra mist, fuzzy balls of golden yellow lamppost lights dotting into the distance. Big snow-caked fir trees provided shelter from equally large pine shaped Affini. A fire pit, one of several, was surrounded by snow gear that had been shed as all kinds of sophonts huddled around the flames.
Excited groups left the train behind, heading for the slopes and the bonfires, the bbq stalls and the adventure games, the bobsledding rides and the hiking trails. But most of all, the lodge.
It was truly massive, with titanic glass windows, all of it made from impossibly large logs and implausibly crafted glass. Chainsaw carvers outside were actively adding new details to the exterior while Affini came in behind them with varnishing saps.
The place was many stories tall with assorted additions and various wings off to private sections probably warranting stories of their own. Other smaller buildings ran around the back portion, creating an inviting courtyard.
“Xe’s real pretty aren’t xey?”
Oh fuck!
Standing in front of me now was a beautifully bashful blue blizzard of a plant, snow dripping from bright white shards that almost appeared snow-flake like, spurred into a staircase of foliage like a sagging branch too dense with snow to stay up. The white powder hugged their mass, accompanying a mane white frozen looking leaves that hugged ‘hair’ and neck. A carrot was pushing out of the center of their face, and a facsimile of a smile half-formed on them with two eyes that reminded me of a busted open geode that’d been folded outwards.
“Uh, sorry? I’m not super good with neopronouns yet, I’m still getting used to it, who?”
The plant-person, the plerson if you will, gestured again to the building. “The handbook says it is customary sometimes that terrans gender their objects, one in particular example is, this ‘ol girl in reference to a boat or some such things! We are looking at a beautiful lodge building and it needs a pronoun. I wished to get ahead of the square in that regard.”
Oh boy.
“Ahead of the curve.” I gently corrected, grinning as they pulled out a tiny little handbook with a picture of a happy terran on the front, flipping through it with smaller vines that momentarily stuck to the pages before they shrugged and tucked it back inside their body.
“Alacrity Amaryllis, First Bloom, good to bleat you.”
I blinked.
“MEET. MEET, I MEANT MEET.” They corrected very loudly, shooting a vine outwards to wrap around my wrist. “Um. Tour! You want a tour, probably, yes! Yes! It would be my honor to provide you with a tour of this wonderful resort” Alacrity tottered, tugging me along the snow-tread path.
I had been here for five seconds and already I was more confused than ever, but this dork was more harmless than any landlord I had ever had to hide from.
“Um! I go by the she and the her pronouns on account of your species motherly bonding instincts, which do you use?” Alacrity asked, releasing her featherlight grasp on my wrist.
“She and her also!” I replied with a light chuckle.
“That is going to get confusing! I suppose we can share,” She offered.
I wondered if all Affini were this unaware, or if she was exceptionally naive. It was a far cry from the kinds of impressions left by the propaganda from either side of the conflict we had both emerged from as species. We stepped into the lodge, and I was immediately struck by the grand innards of the establishment.
A massive fireplace spread a gooey warmth across the lobby like melted butter, illuminating a -floret, I recalled them being named- a floret in a bellhop costume with a faded orange varnish. The bellhop pet looked us up and down, checked her datapad, and gave a placid smile. “One room for… what were your names, sorry?”
“Oh I’m not- I mean we’re not- I mean she’s not. This isn’t my floret. It’s just my new independent friend who is independent and capable of independent-ing on their own. TERRA FOREVER I mean oh roots in relinquished relish I didn’t mean that sorry.” Alacrity clearly didn’t need to breathe from the way she was rambling at the speed of light.
“Uh. Huh, so one room?”
Alacrity nervously stimmed her vines around my wrist, as if she was trying to form a bracelet over and over and over, gesturing for me to speak for myself.
“Uh, yeah. One room. For an independent.”
“Just one room?” The bellhop pried deeper with a raised eyebrow.
“Uh, yes?” Alacrity interjected, “Did she say the word one wrong? Won, one, won, one… I don’t think, it’s not two is it?!”
The bellhop’s eyebrows raised very high, as if implying something.
“O-Okay one, yes, one! One of the space-rooms that contain the terrans.” The awkward Affini let out a sigh of anxious relief.
The bellhop clearly was trying not to crack up, so she just handed the keys to Alacrity, and not me strangely. The affini quickly guided me away. “Strange floret that one, very very cute and pet-brained I think, maybe has the Y strain or something, anyways let’s continue the tour, that’s the JANITORS CLOSET that sounds fun!”
As she kept walking and talking, I noticed many of her leaves seemed… wilted, was that the right word? Weird.
“Yes there is the ski lift entrance, which if I’m not mistaken should be near some sort of ski equipping apparatus, yes, yes I…”
She looked around for a few minutes, before spotting something, dragging me along to a window on the second floor, where a frost-tipped vine pointed at a small shed-like building.
“So if you need to get any skiing gear you just need to go in here and buy it from the rental office...” Her fascinators squinted as she took in the sign on the pre-compact shed looking building out the window, where an affini with a bush beard was compiling a snowboard “…that can’t be right.” Alacrity muttered. “I’m pretty sure we already made everything free here.”
I was left speechless, but one thing was certain, I was enjoying the tour.
“In any case, they compile all the chilly-brr-brr stuff out in that shed over there.” She finished, with a confident nod.
Another turn, and we exited out onto a wooden bridge overtop a grand hall with a giant familial dining table, with a bunch of other seating arrangements along the walls like shelving.
“This is the um. The dining hall.” It was clear that she was just riffing on the sight of several people eating from the buffet inside. “You can get all of the dining done that you need here, or you can compile stuff too I think. Yes, Terrans are allowed to do that with supervision. I’m very good at remembering things. So yes, this is where you can come to have your nutrition fulfilled as many times a day as you want.”
“Wait like, as in you can eat here more than that? You mentioned money, is there or is there not a cost?” I asked, and she looked puzzled at the question.
“The only Cost here is Sunk Cost and the whys of why it is a fallacy about you not compiling yourself enough food! Usually three is more than plenty. Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner, but some of you little adorable little balls of sweat and bonding chemicals need more! They call that snacking. I love that word, snacking, it sounds like the noise you make when you do it. Snacknacknack.”
“Is every Affini like this, or is it just you?” I asked, baffled by the frost creature standing in the middle of the ski resort hallway rambling at me in a state of manic giddiness.
“In some senses, I suppose, but we are all unique are we not? What about terrans, are they all such kind, sensitive, inquisitive creatures?”
Oh. I realized in that exact moment what it meant for her to be a first bloom. She might be the first Affini I had ever met. But the opposite was also clearly true.
“So anyway, I learned all about brunch, also you can’t miss out on that one. And Linner, which I’m sure must be a real combination of lunch and dinner that they simply forget to tell me about. So maybe it’s five? I need clarification on that, hold on, the MANUAL reveals all!”
She pulled her book back out and started rummaging through it.
I was laughing harder than I had in a long while, her infectiously hilarious lack of terran-knowledge bumping toe to toe with the sternness and seriousness of how intensive life could be sometimes, had been for me for many years now. Always trying to find where my next meal was coming from, trying to think about where to sleep, how to sleep, what medications I needed, pharmacies, just—
Right now, it was just me, and this goofball.
“Okay okay, the house-room-condo-complex-appartment-space-area-location is somewhere in this vicinity! But the teller did not tell us how to locate the room, however will we? A mystery this is!! Why I’ll go down right now and–”
A quick glance at the keyring hanging from one of her vines revealed that the room key belonged to door 331.
I walked over to the elevator, got inside, and got off on the third floor. All the while, Alacrity followed along. I let her realize I had found my way there as I slipped the key off her vine and into the door. Of course, it unlocked without a problem.
Inside the room was a luxurious sprawled out bed that looked like it was stuffed with the clouds themselves, pillows that looked squishy and filled with cream! The rug was entirely made of very nice-looking moss, but as I stepped inside my shoe got stuck in the shag plant carpet that almost appeared marsh-y now.
“Oh! You!!! They told me about this, your shoes sink like this to automatically remove them from your feet,” Alacrity mused, using a vine to uproot my foot from the moss. I was expecting a sensory nightmare, but weirdly putting my foot back down resulted in the carpet becoming regular moss.
I tried putting weight on it in different areas, but it was the exact same squishy-vibe I was expecting. “Did you just decide to pick a random room in the end? I can still go ask the teller if it’s actually empty!” She helpfully suggested.
“This is my room.” I said, standing in the doorway, awkwardly looking up at the anxious ball of plant matter that had accompanied me on her tour. She stood right outside, rocking back and forth.
“Oh! Yes, right. Well…” Alacrity trailed off. “…very smart of you… I suppose I will see you around then!”
I chucked, almost disappointed that it was over so soon. “I look forward to it.”
I closed the door and collapsed into a puddle, taking off my other shoe and backpack, slinging the latter onto the bed that was far too high up for me to reach without finding the portable stairs. It was depressingly quiet after spending all that time with such refreshingly enthusiastic company.
What was I doing? It wouldn’t cause any harm to invite her in. I wandered back over to the door, and using the Terran door handle I opened it up. There was a scrambling noise from around the hallway, so naturally I left my room and went over to see what was up.
I couldn’t see my new friend, but a small rustling caught my attention instantly. Between two resort room doors, a very large… carrot tree, with a single carrot sticking out the top of the otherwise quite floral blue foliage.
“Uh- Alacrity?”
The foliage squeaked, tightening up, before sagging back into her usual shape, but with a plant pot and a few crushed daffodils stuck like a shoe on one of her legs. “Aaaaa sorry petal! I just realized I didn’t actually have a room yet and I wanted to make sure you weren’t having any trouble in your space and then you came out and I was scared you might think I was playing easy to get or something… I’m not the greatest at body shapes, especially not disguises. This was the best I could do.”
I laughed as she started to walk, the plant pot clattering. “It’s okay, I forgive you. Do you wanna come into my room? I really don’t mind. We can figure things out from there.”
“Phew. Yes. That would be a preference I would have. Yes.”
We walked back to my room, past the upper lobby area.
“Show off,” Alacrity quietly said to the ornamental flower bouquet near the elevators.
“Youngbloom.” The bouquet replied.
We both settled down in my room, Alacrity helping me onto the bed. It was incredibly soft and high quality, squishy and inviting.
“So, little terran. We found your room and you’ve put down your bag. What next?”
“Did you have anything you wanted to store in here?” I replied. “You don’t really have a backpack or anything.”
“Nope! I keep it all in here!” Alacrity unwove her chest, and I saw a stack of items backlit by a blue glow. Books and papers, a datapad covered in stickers, a plushie doll that looked like a generic Terran, a guidebook, and a toboggan to name a few.
“Okay… that’s weird but in an average Affini way.”
A live cat slinked out from the gap, its orange fur and well fed body slinking over to a pillow to sleep.
“Is that a…”
“Do not worry about it, I accidentally befriended it a few months back, it’s called ginger and I can’t seem to get rid of it, it’s not important.”
I could feel the day of travel catching up to me, so I took a spot next to ginger and plumped up a pillow of my own.
“Ha, well I wouldn’t worry about it Alacrity, that happens to humans too. I’m getting pretty tired, mind if I have a quick nap?”
Her frosty face tilted into a grin.
“Go for it! Hey, if you like I could help out with that. Give you something to relax?” She began to reveal an assortment of flowers with thin needle-like stamens dripping sap or little petal masks, each of them shining in a different color and shape. She began to sort through them like a gambler rummaging through a hand of cards.
“Woah there, what are those?”
“Oh! These are my xenodrug grafts! I got them after I passed my appropriate administration of classed drugs in Terran space course! Pretty cool eh? Third times the charm as they say!”
She withdrew the plushie of a Terran and mimed how the grafts could be used to administer drugs, complete with an enactment of the pretend human wiggled about before falling asleep, and then her vines wiggling in an equally intense fashion at how adorable the doll was.
“There’s A’s which make touch feel good with a capital A, B’s for Blue, that’s what color I am! Though I am multiple blues, C’s, like See you later! But I’m not actually going to be– as in– not later, anywho! D’s make you talk a lot, that is my favorite one because it lets me speak to you about things you like so so much! Then E’s! Those make the anxieties go byeeebyeee. I would give you a touch of that one, and then some of this one, a Z. It makes you sleepy and cozy.”
She waggled a bud with a floral mask attachment around. “Yup! It’s this one here!”
I sighed and yawned, leaning back on the bed. One of her vines was aggressively petting Ginger, another one petting me, and a third was stashing the plushie back in her body, while another double checked a reference in her book.
“Ah, why not. It’s a vacation after all, a super relaxing sleep sounds really nice.”
I settled into the blankets as she readied the graft, lights dimmed, and I smiled. Things hadn’t gone how I expected them to at all, but one thing was certain. I was going to enjoy my time at Paradise Frost.