Archive of Our Own

Most people probably felt a certain level of… excitement when it came to the holidays. They probably counted down the days until a Christmas break came along and then spent the entire time feeling relaxed and enjoying the time away from work. An understandable feeling but not one Shane Hollander really understood. That wasn’t to say he didn’t enjoy spending time with his family and friends, he loved it in fact, it was just that he also loved his work. 

Shane was a few months into his sixth season of playing in the NHL and he still loved playing hockey just as much as he had when he first started. He was on an even bigger high since, much to his pride, the last two years he won the infamous Stanley Cup alongside his team and Shane was hoping to go for a consecutive third year to start a dynasty for the Montreal Voyageurs. He was happy with the team he got drafted to, the second pick in his year's draft, and he felt he had a decent chemistry with most.

He was not the most social of people so he didn’t have too big a circle of friends but Shane was happy to say he did have two close friends on the team. Hayden Pike and J.J Boiziau. The two also played for Montreal and had since before Shane joined the team. They were two outgoing guys who thankfully overlooked Shane’s at times awkward personality and welcomed him into the fold and declared themselves his friends. 

The only other close friend he had was not a hockey player and was in fact an actress named Rose Landry. He and Rose had tried, and failed, to have a relationship the year before before having an amicable breakup. Shane was happy they managed to maintain a close friendship and Rose was the only person who knew Shane’s most closely kept secret.

The fact that he wasn’t interested in girls.

It was a fact that Shane had no intention to acknowledge or act on in a public sense, despite Rose’s enthusiastic encouragements, and Shane couldn’t even bring himself to tell his parents or other friends about it. He didn’t really see a point in doing so since he never planned on going anywhere with it. He was busy with hockey for now and that was enough for him. Most days.

Hockey wasn’t exactly a welcoming circle for such things. Predominantly a sport riddled with toxic masculinity and filled with prejudiced people; both players and coaches. The kind of stuff Shane heard some of his own teammates throw around made his stomach twist with anxiety. It was something he didn’t see changing any time soon either since there was only one player who was known to be interested in the same gender and he had a different set of circumstances than Shane himself would have if he came out.

“Excuse me,” a young voice interrupted Shane’s thoughts and he glanced around until he found a boy around nine years old standing in front of him. “Are you Shane Hollander?”

With a polite but awkward smile Shane nodded his head. “Yes, I am.”

The kid’s eyes went as wide as saucers and he glanced over his shoulder quickly at who Shane assumed to be his mom before looking back at him. “Can I get a picture?”

“Of course,” Shane said at once as the boy’s mother stepped forward with a fond and happy smile aimed at her son.

Shane was at the mall in Ottawa. He had started the holidays off in Montreal, hanging out with Hayden and his family for a bit and spending some time decorating his home. Then he came to Ottawa, his home city and where his parents lived, so he could spend the rest of his days off with his family. He was staying in a hotel though because his parents talked about having a small gathering with some of their friends and Shane wanted the option to opt out if needed. He probably would need it.

After the photos Shane continued on with the reason he came to the mall in the first place. He had to stop and grab a few last minute things. He got everything he needed to get when it came to gifts but Shane wanted to grab some stocking stuffers for his parents. To his relief the mall wasn’t terribly busy today, despite Christmas only a few days away, and Shane continued mostly unnoticed as he wandered through stores looking for some things for his parents. 

He was browsing through a small puzzle store, looking for something new for his dad that Shane thought his mom would like enough to be convinced to help him build it. His mom wasn’t really the puzzling type, at least not like his dad was, but she could be convinced if she liked the picture enough. Shane was just turning the corner to head down another aisle when he bumped into someone.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said instinctively before looking towards the person and finding—

Ilya Rozanov.

Of course Shane knew who he was immediately. Ilya Rozanov was Shane’s top rival in hockey and had been since the start of their careers. The MLH liked to milk their rivalry for all it was worth but truth be told Shane didn’t hate him nearly as much as people seemed to think. Not nearly as much as his own teammates did. But the fact didn’t impact him enough to feel the need to go out of his way to say otherwise and Rozanov clearly felt the same. Despite how close their names were linked though Shane didn’t really know much of Rozanov. Their conversation over the years— starting back when they first met when they were just seventeen— were few and far between and mostly consisted of chirps that were spoken by Rozanov on the ice during games.

There was one encounter they had in a gym of some hotel the night of the draft that Shane didn’t let himself linger on too long. Didn’t let himself linger on the conversation they had or that strange tension that accompanied it or what he did later on that night back in his room.

Shane first heard of Ilya Rozanov during the World Juniors. The Russian prodigy of hockey to Shane’s Canadian prodigy of hockey. They were pit against each other before ever even knowing one another. It was a situation that was intriguing enough that Shane put aside his normally anti-social tendencies to introduce himself to Rozanov. The boy had been a bit of a dick from Shane’s perspective but he later decided to give the encounter the benefit of the doubt when considering the language barrier. It was something that only occurred to him a few years later after seeing a few of Rozanov’s first few interviews outside of Russia and hearing the stilted way he spoke. 

He knew Rozanov enough to know he didn’t put too much weight in their rivalry either though. At least not in a hateful way the utmost people expected. He was competitive as hell, no doubt about it, just like Shane himself, and he worked hard to beat Shane time and time again, but he didn’t act like he despised Shane’s existence the way he openly did with some other players in the league. 

“Hollander,” Rozanov said in greeting, his accent thick around Shane’s name. 

Shane nodded at him. “Rozanov,” he said in turn.

He took in the casual outfit Rozanov was dressed in and the box of some kind of puzzle he was holding wrapped in one arm. His hair was combed back a bit but the curls he’s had since Shane first met him were distinct and neat. Rozanov’s blue eyes tracked Shane carefully and Shane realised that the only time they have ever really been this close was on the ice, barring a few sparring exceptions where the league put them together for something. 

Rozanov had started out with the Boston Raiders— Montreal's rival team— and he was the first pick in his and Shane’s draft year. Much to Shane’s irritation back then. He also won a Cup for Boston back in 2014. An extra triumphant moment for him surely, considering what happened at the start of that very season.

In late 2013 Ilya Rozanov had been unceremoniously outed when some guy came forward about sleeping with him and had the pictures to prove it. It was something that shocked many and Rozanov had been immediately pulled from Russia’s Olympic hockey team which was due to play in only three months and Shane heard the country also requested Rozanov’s extradition back to his home country. 

Because apparently such things were full-on illegal over there. 

Of course the request had been denied and then Rozanov had been offered asylum in America. After some time had passed and the whole scandal had blown over, Rozanov continued on as he normally did. He openly never shied away from the fact that he slept with men, alongside women, and had officially come out as bisexual in his very cocky self-assured way.

“I am very good looking man. Why deny anyone chance to sleep with me.”

Rozanov had confidently answered the question about his sexuality after a game one day and even accompanied the words with a wink at the nearest camera. Shane had watched that interview more times than he cared to admit and couldn't help but envy Rozanov’s lack of fear about the whole thing.

“You are holiday shopping,” Rozanov assumed curiously, his eyes trailing over Shane in a way that made him shift awkwardly, wishing he dressed a bit nicer in general.

“Yeah,” he said in reply, adjusting the sleeve of his jacket while he spoke. “I’m visiting my parents.”

With a slow nod Rozanov told Shane. “I am buying something for my best friend. We don’t celebrate Christmas in Russia until January but she never misses chance to get presents.”

The comment had Shane laughing quietly and he couldn’t help but wonder if Rozanov felt any longing or anger towards his home country. The country that threw him out for something he had no control over. 

Shane pointed to the puzzle in Rozanov’s hand and instead asked. “She likes puzzles?”

Rozanov laughed quietly and shook his head earnestly. “Not at all. This is for me. Svetlana is more about jewelry and fashion.”

With a small smile at the comment Shane spared the thought that he wouldn't have considered Rozanov of all people to be interested in puzzles. It was something he wanted to poke fun at, considering how many times Rozanov had called him boring over the years, but he wasn’t sure if the comment would be well received or if it would come off antagonistic. Shane didn't think he could pull off playful-teasing quite like Rozanov.

“What are your family plans for the holidays?” Rozanov asked curiously, looking genuinely interested in hearing the answer. “Are you traditional kind of family with everything planned or do you just have general planned ideas?”

With a considering noise, Shane said. “A bit of both. We don’t plan every second but we usually have some things we like to check off during the holidays. Though I do plan on avoiding my parents house tomorrow night since they’re having a party with a bunch of their friends,” Shane admitted somewhat guiltily. “I just need to come up with a good excuse.”

“Why do you want to avoid it? Not one for parties?"

Shane made a face. “Not really,” he said and then added. “My parents’ friends usually bring their single daughters or nieces and try to set me up too. So… I want to avoid that.”

It happened every time and Shane was just glad his parents slowly eased up in scheming alongside their friends. They still urged him to date people and to find someone but they haven’t been as insistent about it in the last year or so which Shane was beyond relieved for. Not that they were overbearing, it was just lying to them about why he hadn’t found some pretty girl to marry and have kids with always left him feeling a little sick.

His reveal made Rozanov laugh louder but it didn’t feel insulting or belittling much to Shane’s quiet relief. He was helpless against noticing Rozanov’s smile then and there, not the cocky smirk or teasing lilt of lips Shane so often sees, but a more honest expression that lit up his face. It made him look attractive in a way that had Shane flushing and glancing away as he pointedly pushed the thought away.

“Well I have no holiday plans if you are desperate enough,” Rozanov offered with a crooked grin. “You can show me some local spots you know about. Be the helpful Canadian we both know you are.”

The latter comment had Shane’s cheeks growing warm again but he couldn't deny the surprise he felt at Rozanov’s offer.

Rozanov had been living in Ottawa since last summer, since 2015, having moved to Ottawa’s team last year much to the confusion of many. Despite the rough first year he was clearly shaping the team up into something good as many thought they had a chance at making the playoffs this year. Something they haven’t done in over a decade. There were plenty of commenters who were watching Rozanov closely, waiting to see if this was a make or break choice for him in terms of his career.

The one comment Shane agreed with most was one he heard a few weeks back. It takes great players to make a great team but it takes a great player to make a team great. It was something that Ilya Rozanov was emulating for the world to see as he slowly but surely shaped Ottawa into a team who could win. Not too surprising, Boston themselves had been a team that struggled to make the Playoffs for years before he joined, much like Montreal before Shane joined.

“Okay,” Shane said to Rozanov after staring at him for a few seconds too long, blinking stupidly in the face of the offer. 

After that it had been a quick exchange as Rozanov asked Shane where he was staying and Shane gave him his hotel in what he hoped was a cool and calm manner. They made plans to meet the next day at noon before splitting off and Shane proceeded to spend the rest of the day, and that night, thinking over every second of their encounter. 

“So, why Ottawa?” Shane asked curiously. “Were things not good with Boston?”

The next day they had met up and went to lunch before heading to various places each of them thought up since they last saw one another. Shane knew a few of the ones Rozanov took them too and Rozanov knew a few of the ones Shane thought up but they also managed to surprise each other with some new spots too. Shane was unreasonably happy to show Rozanov some of his favourite places growing up and he was proud of his choices when Rozanov appeared to like the places.

Despite their rivalry and their lack of familiarity with each other outside of that Shane found himself enjoying his time with Rozanov. He was both the same and very different from what Shane knew. Confident and cocky most of the time but genuine in a way that just wasn’t seen on the ice or in after-game interviews.

Their last spot to check out was Rozanov’s own home and Shane couldn’t deny he was curious about it. It was in a nice neighbourhood and the house itself was rather grand with an architecture that had Shane wanting to ask who built it but he managed to hold himself back. The inside was just as nice and Shane was given the tour of the place that Rozanov called home and he thought it suited him well. After he had seen it all the two of them plopped down on the couch in the den, Rozanov getting them both drinks, and a hockey game played silently on the big tv mounted above a fireplace but they were more focused on each other.

At his question Rozanov shook his head, his body turned towards Shane as they spoke and Shane unconsciously matched him. “No, no no,” he said at once and he waved the glass of vodka in his hand around, Shane’s own drink curled in both his hands as he slowly nursed it. “It was for more than one reason. I was looking for… challenge,” Rozanov offered first, his brow furrowed a bit as he considered his words, and he met Shane’s patient stare. “I won the Cup with Boston, I know I want more, but I… did everything I could do with the team. 

“Ottawa was low ranked team but had potential,” Rozanov said and it was a fact Shane was well aware of already. “The idea of coming here and helping build it to great team was… something I was interested in.”

“It was appealing to you,” Shane offered when he could see Rozanov wasn’t all that happy with his word choice at the end.

He got a more confident nod at that. “Yes. Appealing,” Rozanov repeated, his mouth moving to repeat the word silently a couple of times. “I also wanted to get citizenship which is easier to get in Canada. Plus America was starting to become a place not good for Russians."

As Rozanov’s face grew serious he looked Shane directly in the eye and told him surely. “The Raiders were very good to me. After everything came out. They supported me, my team and coach, and I will always be grateful for that.”

That was good to hear. Even with their rivalry back when Rozanov got outed, Shane stayed up late at night wondering what would happen to him. If he’d be swept out of the NHL or if his team would treat him terribly. It was hard not to empathize with Rozanov considering the secret Shane was holding close to his heart and he was happy to learn that Rozanov did get support in what had to be one of the more difficult times in his life.

“Was it difficult with the league in general?” Shane asked quietly, unsure if he was asking to get to know Rozanov better or if it was for his own reassurance. 

Titling his head briefly, Rozanov made a face and said. “I think league was a bit… not happy exactly but not as mad about situation as could be?”

“Mollified?”

“Hmm, yes, mollified,” Rozanov agreed slowly. “They were mollified because I am bisexual so they could at least pretend I am not interested in men.”

Shane couldn't help but agree with his words, it was something Shane himself had thought of before. He thought that Rozanov’s bisexuality likely helped him a lot, alongside that he mostly was seen with women. It was probably the only reason— plus the already very famous reputation he had at that point— that Rozanov wasn’t quietly swept away like most queer players were rumoured to be within the league. Since Rozanov still had a heavy interest in women the league could let those kinds of entanglements be more obviously known while swiftly hiding any men Rozanov chose to spend his nights with. 

It sucked that the fact that Rozanov was also still interested in women was the only reason there weren't harsher reactions to him back then. It was a good thing of course but it also sucked that the way the league chose to face the whole thing was by denying a whole half of who Rozanov was.

“You were brave,” Shane couldn't help but say. “For being so open about it.” Because even though the league chose to ignore this half of Rozanov for their own judgemental reasons Rozanov still let that other half of himself be known. He never shied away from the word bisexual or his interest in men.

Rozanov smiled a bit but said. “I wasn’t brave. I was outed.”

Shane shook his head instantly. “You stood by it. You didn’t take the easy out the league had to have offered you.” He was pleased when Rozanov conceded to that, not downplaying what he did anymore. 

Being the only out and queer player in the entire NHL was no small feat and could not be all that easy but Rozanov stuck true to himself regardless. 

“I know there are others like me in the league but it is still a little… lonely,” Rozanov murmured quietly. “Being the only one out.”

The words made Shane’s chest pang but a question bubbled out of him before he could offer some kind of comfort. “Others have come out to you?” 

Rozanov shook his head. “No, but I know there are more. Is… how you say… odds?”

“Statistics,” Shane said quietly as he nodded his own agreement. Of course given the size of the league it would be naive to think there was only Rozanov who was queer. There had to be a lot more people, just none that were out. 

“Yes,” Rozanov said, his hand lifting to rest on the back of the couch as he faced Shane fully. “And even though no one has told me as such I can tell. It’s like sixth sense,” he added playfully, absently leaning forward to slip his glass onto the coffee table in front of them after draining the last of it then doing the same for Shane’s mostly untouched drink. “I am not right all the time but a good amount of time I can tell. There is something in how people speak to me. How they look at me. Where they chose to look and how long they look.”

The explanation had Shane tearing his eyes away from where he knew they had been glued to Rozanov’s mouth and he hoped the heat he felt in his face wasn’t painfully obvious. He swallowed back a nervous feeling and tried to think about what to say next. Unsure if he wanted to change the subject or keep pursuing the topic.

In the end Rozanov made the decision for him, leaning closer to Shane. The two of them had started about a cushion apart when they sat down but throughout their conversation they both apparently migrated to the middle of the couch until their knees were pressed together. As Rozanov drew near he murmured. “I have always been curious about you.”

“... you have?” Shane asked quietly, something rushing through him that wasn’t fear but more… heated.

Rozanov hummed in confirmation, his eyes half-lidded as he watched Shane with a stare that had a weight to it. “Da. Back before we entered league I was very curious about you. We had separate commercials to shoot with CMM before our rookie season and I had tried to get them to do a joint commercial with us both but it did not work out.”

That surprised Shane and he knew what commercial he was talking about, he just hadn’t realised Rozanov had wanted to do the commercial together. He couldn't help but wonder what might have happened if they had. All at once that night in the gym the night of the draft came rushing to the front of Shane’s mind, the tension that had seemed so thick then that Shane thought he could cut through it with a knife.

Leaning even closer, Rozanov told Shane again. “I was always curious about you.” 

By now Shane was leaning in closer too, so close he could see all the blues swirling in Rozanov’s eyes. He could see the curve of his mouth and the faint peek of Rozanov’s tongue sweeping across his bottom lip and Shane mimicked the action without thought. The arm Rozanov had along the back of the couch moved and Shane felt a hand curl around the back of his head as he both moved and was pulled forward. 

The second their mouths connected Shane’s heartbeat skyrocketed. He hoped he didn’t seem too eager but he knew the way he twisted his hands in Rozanov’s shirt to drag him closer probably made that impossible. Rozanov didn’t seem to mind though, quite the opposite actually, as he fisted one hand in Shane’s hair while his other hand landed on Shane’s thigh, sliding upward smoothly and making Shane’s dick twitch in his pants. 

A swipe of tongue along his bottom lip had Shane’s mouth opening and he couldn't stop the moan that left him as Rozanov’s tongue slid into his mouth, the kiss deepening. Shane slid his hands up Rozanov’s chest until he was clutching his face and the sound of their kissing was almost obscene in the otherwise silent room. Shane couldn't stop the whine that left him as Rozanov suddenly pulled away, though the two of them remained a breath away from one another.

“Have you done this before?” Rozanov asked in a quiet pant that made Shane’s head swim. “With a man?”

Nodding, Shane breathlessly said. “Yes. I hooked up with two different guys, both just the one time. I was nervous the whole time. Before and after.”

He had been able to enjoy the moments once he was far enough into things but Shane had been plagued with anxiety leading up to the hookup and for weeks following the encounters. He had googled his own name endlessly, scared that either guy would go to the press with the story. By the time Shane hooked up with them Rozanov had already been outed and… well, he imagined any players who relied on secret hookups were extra paranoid after that.

“Nervous that they would tell,” Rozanov murmured in understanding, and of course he would understand, he had been in the exact same situation Shane was in and it went south for him.

Shane gave a half aborted nod before he was no longer able to hold back and he pressed forward to capture Rozanov’s mouth in another eager kiss. Rozanov met his eagerness in turn as he tightened his grip on Shane’s thigh and pulled at him until Shane was straddling Rozanov’s lap, the two of them sharing increasingly filthy kisses all the while. 

A loud moan left Shane as Rozanov used the grip he had on his waist to urge his hips forward into an intoxicating roll that brought their dicks flush together. He felt more than heard Rozanov’s answering groan and the grip he had on Shane was so tight that Shane was sure he’d have bruises. He hoped he would. 

Again Rozanov pulled back, his eyes taking in Shane’s expression while he licked at his lips in a way that had Shane pressing even closer. “Does anyone know about you?” Rozanov asked him with heavy breaths.

“My friend. Rose.”

“Ah, you’re ex-girlfriend,” Rozanov said and Shane was vaguely surprised Rozanov knew that much. Sure Shane had been on magazine covers with Rose during their relationship but he didn’t think Rozanov would care enough to take note.

With a huff Shane only said. “Yeah. Kind of how I confirmed girls weren’t it for me.” He made a face before he reluctantly added. “Actually, Rose had to walk me to that realization since I wasn’t able to really admit it to myself…”

Rozanov’s mouth curled into a faint smile but it looked more understanding than anything. “It’s a big thing to admit,” he offered in a quiet rumble, his thumbs dipping beneath Shane’s shirt and rubbing almost comfortingly at the skin there.

Shane was done with the talking for now and only kissed Rozanov again instead of answering. He slid his hands into Rozanov’s hair, fingers twisting into his curls, and moaned as he rolled his hips forward eagerly. 

Hands slid fully under his shirt now and Rozanov tugged at Shane’s shirt until it was halfway up his chest and Shane briefly released his hold on Rozanov to remove it entirely. Rozanov leaned forward to press heated kisses to his bare chest, lingering over Shane’s nipples as Shane clutched at his hair again. Using his grip on his curls, Shane lifted Rozanov’s face and kissed him firmly, eagerly diving into his mouth until Rozanov was moaning and clinging to his back. 

Once again Rozanov pulled away but this time he didn’t try to talk, only kissing up the length of Shane’s jaw and down to his throat. Shane’s breath hitched when he reached a spot below his ear and Rozanov clearly heard it as he produced to suck at the skin there, dragging his teeth over the spot.

“Rozanov,” Shane panted out desperately. 

Rozanov only murmured his reply into Shane’s throat. “Ilya.”

“Ilya,” Shane repeated desperately as his hands dropped to the hem of Ilya’s shirt to tug the piece of clothing off. “Ilya, Ilya,” Shane whispered heatedly and yet again Ilya groaned. 

“We go upstairs?” Rozanov questioned as he lifted his mouth up to Shane’s ear, catching the lobe between his teeth after he spoke.

A spark rushed up Shane’s spine and his erection pressed so firmly against the front of his jeans that he thought he might burst. “Please,” he begged.

Rozanov needed no more words and Shane felt the hands on his waist drop to his thighs. Without warning Rozanov lurched to a stand and Shane was quick to wrap his legs around his waist, locking his ankles as his hands tightened around Rozanov’s shoulders. The easy way he was lifted had him moaning loudly and he ducked his head to press eager kisses to Rozanov’s throat, only vaguely aware of Rozanov leading them out of the living room and up the stairs.

Shane slid his arms through the sleeves of his jacket before he reached down to make sure his shoes were on comfortably. When he stood back up it was to the view of Ilya watching him with a faint smile on his face but not interrupting Shane’s careful ministrations. 

It was early in the morning and the two of them just finished eating a quick breakfast together and Shane felt like his stomach was filled with butterflies. He didn’t want this to end, the idea of going back home to Montreal and never meeting up with Ilya again sat heavy in his stomach, but thankfully Ilya was on the same page as him.

Reaching out Ilya tugged Shane closer by the lapels of his jacket and he leaned down to press a kiss to Shane’s mouth that was quickly returned. When he pulled back he studied Shane’s face, his half lidded eyes and red lips, and he said. “Give me your phone.”

Shane, after taking a second to register the words, quickly dug into his pocket and handed it over. He watched as Ilya turned it long enough for Shane to put in his code before opening the contacts. Then, with a move far too smooth for so early in the morning, he slid the phone into Shane’s back pocket, not even removing his hand as he pulled Shane closer to him again, capturing his mouth in a more heated kiss. 

“Call me if you want to do this again,” Ilya said when he finally let go of Shane, giving him a quick wink that made Shane’s face flush as he attempted to hide his pleased smile. 

He felt a lot better about leaving after that, a lot more secure in the fact that he would see Ilya again, and Shane spent the rest of the holidays in an even better mood than he started. He and his parents continued on with their plans and when the holiday’s were over Shane made his way back to Montreal to get ready for the rest of the season.

His first day back to work, the first day back to practice, was probably something that Shane should have expected. He moved with routine, years of habit shaping his days into familiar movements, and Shane barely glanced at anyone as he stopped by Hayden to get ready. He was quick to change in his usual order and he stopped to lace up his skates, his brow furrowed as he made sure they were exactly as tight as he liked them to be.

“Yo, Hollander, what’s this about you hanging out with Rozanov?” Someone called out to him.

Shane glanced up to see a few eyes on him and J.J wiggled the screen of his phone in his direction where a picture could be seen. It was one of Shane and Ilya with a fan beaming between them. Shane knew the picture would go viral of course, knew the second the fan asked for a photo with both of them, but he had been hoping he wouldn’t have to answer any questions about it. 

“I ran into him while visiting my parents,” Shane said with what he hoped was a casual shrug. 

There were a few snorts and mildly derisive noises and it was Drapeau who asked. “And it didn’t end with you two swinging at each other?” There were loud laughs at the comment and Shane resisted the urge to sigh.

To be honest this team really did care about the Hollander-Rozanov rivalry a lot more than Shane did. Shane felt it was more of a Montreal-Rozanov rivalry than anything at this point. They had so much hatred for a guy who more than likely didn’t give the vast majority of them a second thought. But it was Boston and Montreal, and Shane and Ilya’s contrived feud only seemed to add fuel to that fire.

Shane couldn't help but try smooth things over a bit. “He’s not so bad off the ice,” he told them, his words aimed more toward Hayden and J.J who were standing near him as they got ready. “We chatted about hockey mostly. And Ottawa in general.”

“Seriously?” one of the guys asked incredulously, like Shane had just called his mother a dirty word. 

He could only shrug in reply, knowing these guys well enough to know that saying anything more would only end with Shane feeling frustrated or annoyed; neither feeling how he wanted to start his first practice back.

Comeau spoke up then, his tone jeering. “Well, you better watch your ass with Rozanov.” 

There were a few snorts and outright guffaws at the comment and Shane’s hands clenched into fists. It could have been taken as a simple ‘watch your back’ kind of comment but the tone and reaction alone made it clear it was a literal comment that was in reference to Ilya’s sexuality. He was just relieved to see neither Hayden nor J.J gave the words any kind of reaction, more focused on getting ready. 

They would more than likely press for more details later, knowing Shane wouldn't want to waste practice time talking about non-hockey related things.

Everything else in Shane’s life resumed as normal with the added benefit of Ilya in his life. The two of them texted each other frequently at first and then that developed into phone calls. Shane would take trips to Ottawa and the two of them would meet up, spending time together both out in public and at Ilya’s home. Each visit, call and interaction left Shane’s stomach swirling with butterflies while his chest would grow warm with feelings he couldn't possibly put a name to.

He slowly started to learn more about Ilya Rozanov, learning about the man behind the image that Shane had known since they were teenagers. He learned Ilya lost his mother when he was twelve and that his father passed away in 2015 due to dementia. His brother was still in Russia but refused to acknowledge Ilya’s existence in the wake of his sexuality reveal.

“My best friend, Svetlana, she is Russian too and all I really have from my home country,” Ilya told him during one call late at night, his accented voice a low timber. He was lounging in bed and Shane was a direct mirror of him in his own bed. “She already knew I was interested in men but it was never something we put words to. Felt safer that way. After I was outed she was very supportive. Promised me I would always have her.”

Shane had since met Svetlana and she was every bit as amazing as Ilya always said she was. A very no nonsense kind of woman but clearly warm and kind-hearted with the people she cared about. She was one of the few people to know about their relationship and when she first met Shane Svetlana had given him a smooth wink as she said.

“Good, Ilyusha needs more than just me to keep him out of trouble.”

While Ilya made a protesting noise to that Shane couldn't help but laugh outright. That had been that, the two of them had gotten along great. It helped that Svetlana was about as hockey obsessed as Shane himself was— a tough thing to manage if you ask anyone who knew him— and it was something that always had Ilya confident that they would get along great.

Rose knew about Ilya too, she was Shane’s own ‘Svetlana’ and as the only person besides Ilya who knew he was gay she felt like the most sensible one to tell about them. She had been suspecting he was seeing someone for sometime but Shane had always brushed off the proclamations of his secrecy with… not ease. With painful awkwardness and quickly ended phone calls. It was after meeting Svetlana, near the end of February, that Shane gained the confidence to tell Rose, and a good thing too since she clearly decided enough was enough. 

“Alright, Hollander, as your ex-girlfriend I demand to know about your mystery romance,” she ordered in a tone that she clearly thought was stern. 

Shane couldn't help but snort as he crossed from his kitchen to his living room, dropping down onto his couch. “I think most ex-girlfriends wouldn't want to know about the people their exes are seeing.”

With an endearing smile Rose promptly told him. “I’m not most ex-girlfriends."

And wasn’t that the truth. With a fond smile Shane came clean then and there and he found being able to talk openly Ilya with someone was an uplifting experience. So uplifting in fact that he decided to come out to his parents. He thought it was the right time, it had been four months since he met Ilya— well, not met but since he started this relationship— and the two of them had silently transitioned into simply meeting up with one another to be exclusive. 

It was a conversation that Shane surprisingly enough initiated after he noticed that he no longer saw any headlines of Ilya with random men or women. Ilya had smoothly slid them into an agreement of being exclusive and Shane hadn’t been able to keep the smile off his face for hours afterwards. Which is another reason he felt it was time to tell his parents.

“I think we thought… maybe, you might be gay,” his mother offered with a kind smile after he stuttered his way through coming out. 

Shane’s brows lifted. “You did?” he questioned slowly, a part of his mind panicking at the thought of other people figuring it out too.

His dad smiled next as he reminded Shane. “We know you pretty well, son,” he assured him and it was a comment that had the tension in Shane’s shoulders relaxing. Of course his parents would see that, they knew him better than almost anyone.

“It’s not just that,” Shane said after a beat, his eyes darting between his parents, the two of them sitting on one of the couches in their living room while Shane sat on the other one. “I’m seeing someone.”

Predictably his mother looked excited. She had long since been trying to set him up, so worried about him being lonely, and he imagined if he hadn’t brought up the fact that he was seeing someone she probably would have started up on setting him up with men she thought he would like.

His father was a lot more calm with his reaction, nodding slowly with a faint smile as he asked. “Who is he?”

“Uhm,” Shane started slowly, twisting his fingers together. “Ilya. Rozanov.”

They both looked mildly surprised but they didn’t look protesting or angry which had Shane feeling relieved. 

He knew the rivalry between him and Ilya took on a life of its own long before they really entered the NHL and as his family Shane’s parents had always been firmly on his side. Shane also knew his parents’ intensity about the rivalry definitely softened following Ilya’s outing and essential exile from Russia— and then again with Ilya joining the Ottawa Centaurs— which meant their reactions weren’t nearly as shocked as they could have been. 

“Well, I suppose we should have expected that,” his mom said faintly, a small smile on her face. “Your visits to Ottawa these days certainly aren’t for us,” she added teasingly.

Shane’s face immediately flushed, even the tips of his ears growing warm, and when he tried to stutter out half-hearted denials his parents chuckled fondly. It brought forth a sense of normalcy that had the last of Shane’s anxiety melting away and he sent them both a happy smile, glad to finally reach a point of genuine honesty with two of the people he loved most in life.

So entering the playoffs Shane was feeling very content— actually no, he’s feeling very happy with his life. He’s extra proud as, for the first time in over a decade, Ottawa had made it into the playoffs. Something everyone was talking about. Clearly Ilya’s hard work, along with the rest of his team, had worked and they were building themselves to be a team very likely to win the cup. They managed to make it to the second round before getting knocked out while Montreal made it to the third round before being eliminated. 

He was not too disappointed— well, he was disappointed because there was always disappointment with losing— but his team gave it their all and they put up a hell of a fight. 

Ilya was more annoyed than anything and that was largely because of who was currently close to winning the cup.

“Must you make me watch ancient dinosaur win cup?” Ilya bemoaned to him, face smudged against Shane’s shoulder. 

Shane laughed. “Scott Hunter is not old,” he countered, his eyes darting to the game where the Admirals were winning. He was in Ottawa, having come to stay with Ilya following his elimination from the playoffs, and the two of them were curled up on the couch in Ilya’s living room. There were only seconds on the clock and it felt like a done deal, Scott Hunter would finally get his cup. 

Sure enough the seconds ticked down and then it was official. Shane grinned as he watched the team celebrating, remembering his own two experiences just over the last two years. It would have been incredible to get a third in a row and the dynasty title but he couldn't deny that Scott Hunter worked hard for this win. He felt a sympathetic pang in his chest as the families came out and Scott was left standing on his own. It was no secret that Scott lost both his parents, had no family outside of the Admirals. 

“What is he doing?” Ilya suddenly asked and Shane’s trialing thoughts vanished as he glanced at the tv again. Scott was skating over towards one end of the rink, waving at… the crowd?

Shaking his head, Shane murmured. “I don’t know.” He watched as someone started moving in the crowd to what Shane now knew was Scott’s beckoning hand. 

It was a man, that was clear enough to see, and once he got close enough Scott was quick to urge him onto the ice. Shane watched as the stranger’s arm was gently taken by Scott and he was carefully dragged further away from the boards. Shane could see the man say something but Scott shook his head and then—

Scott Hunter kissed the man.

Shane gasped and he felt Ilya sit straighter at his side as they watched. They watched as Scott continued to share a passionate kiss with the man, his boyfriend?, and the announcers voiced their shock. Scott Hunter was officially the second ‘out’ player in the league.

With a glance to his right Shane couldn't help but ask. “Did you know about him?” His mind was going to their first conversation on this couch, where Ilya had said he knew there were others like him in the league even if they weren’t out.

“I suspected,” Ilya quietly said back as he watched the tv and Shane wondered how he felt knowing he was no longer the only one out. “He never said it outright, of course, but he once asked about reactions to me. He was very… intense about it.” He finally looked away from the tv and glanced back at Shane with a single shoulder shrug. “I told him that I eventually realised that people who would stand by me would always stand by me. And people who would turn their back on me would always turn their back on me. I made my peace with that.” He leaned forward and brushed a soft kiss against Shane’s mouth that was instantly returned and when Ilya pulled back he smiled softly at Shane. “The only people I want in my life are ones who would stand by me always.”

Shane seized his mouth in a more firm kiss, pouring his emotions— his love— for Ilya into that single kiss. 

Scott Hunter, to no one's surprise, wound up winning the MVP award that year. He gave a beautiful speech in which he briefly acknowledged Ilya. Not by name of course but rather by saying he was grateful for the people who took this step into the open before him and going on to say it was a stepping stone that helped him feel more ready to be honest about who he was. Even Ilya couldn't make any playfully mocking comments when he heard that part.

All in all the whole thing was an experience that left Shane wanting to take the next step in his life too. During that summer he came out to Hayden and Jackie and then immediately told them about Ilya. Hayden was shocked of course, and a bit disbelieving, but he made sure Shane knew he would always support him. Jackie was quick to tell Shane to bring Ilya by so they could officially meet him.

Shane didn’t necessarily feel the need to come out anytime soon but he knew he wanted to do it eventually. There was a lot of anxiety in him about the idea but between his relationship with Ilya and the positive reactions of those closest to him it didn’t feel too scary. Sure he and Ilya did have their rivalry but with Ilya moving teams years ago and then them being spotted hanging out over the last few months it wasn’t as impossible to imagine as it would have been earlier on in their careers. 

He did have one hard truth to face though. 

While he knew his teammates wouldn’t outwardly say anything against him being gay, though he knew some would get tense or awkward considering some of the comments they’ve made in the past, Shane did know they would take issue with who he was dating. It was like Shane thought before, the Hollander-Rozanov rivalry was more of a Montreal-Rozanov rivalry. Add into the fact that they played in the same conference… Well, he wouldn’t put it past a lot of guys to take a loss out on Shane and claim cheating of some kind.

He, Hayden and J.J talked about it a lot. There were initial reactions for all of the people Shane came out to that ran in hockey circles— his parents, Hayden, J.J— where they first asked if Shane ever let Ilya win. It was insulting beyond belief but Shane knew how competitive the game could make people and those who questioned that were immediately contrite about asking in the first place.

The rest of the team would not be contrite though. Their couch would not be contrite. 

Shane would be willing to bet that it was a reveal that would result in him being traded under some guise about Montreal ‘needing to grow’. The fact that Hayden and J.J agreed only made his chest heavier but Shane felt a bit better coming to grips with this beforehand than if he had been blind sided by the reactions in the aftermath. 

This sense of forethought was what led Shane to the decision to leave Montreal.

It wasn’t something that would happen until the end of the 2017-2018 season, when Shane’ contract would be up, and it was a choice he would keep a lid on until much later in the season.

He talked about it with his parents and Ilya of course. The four of them had sat at his parents' kitchen table and talked about Shane’s options— which would be vast with his reputation but whether that would still be the case after he came out remained to be seen. They were pointedly keeping an eye only on the teams that were accepting and thankfully Ilya had a world of knowledge on the matter, crossing out teams that he knew were bigoted, putting question marks on teams that were half-and-half, while circling the teams he knew were accepting. 

There was one option Shane wanted, and he knew Ilya desperately wanted it too, but he didn’t want to voice it until after talking with his agent. Until he had a more positive answer to that want. So it wasn’t until the start of his playoffs that his agent reached out to him.

“Ottawa is of course very interested,” she told Shane early one morning. “Of course they are keeping this quiet but they assured me they would make it work. We don’t want you taking a pay cut so they’ll need to do some shuffling but it sounds like a done deal.”

Shane let out a breath of relief, and a disbelieving smile was on his face as he listened to Farah. “You’re sure?” 

With a soft laugh Farah said. “Very sure. We need to plan your next move though. Do you want to come out first or do you want to tell Montreal you will be leaving?”

Pacing the length of his apartment in Montreal Shane thought the question over. He wasn’t sure which one to do first. Even though he felt Montreal would want him, he felt he owed it to them to give them a heads up. “... what do you think?”

Farah made a considering noise and Shane was glad she didn’t answer straight away, clearly thinking the options over. “I think you wait until after the first rounds, Montreal will play Ottawa then, and then you can come out no matter the outcome there. People will have their reactions but they’ll be less understanding with a direct competition happening alongside the reveal.” Shane nodded in agreement, unseen as it was to Farah, and he couldn't deny that waiting until after he wasn’t in direct competition with Ilya would be best. “You feel confident that Montreal wouldn't react well to the relationship?”

“Yeah,” Shane answered as he paused in place, his eyes flickering around his apartment absently. “I talked with some teammates and they agree it probably wouldn't go smoothly.”

“Well then we’ll wait until after the second rounds, a decent enough of time to wait after you come out, and we'll approach them about you leaving. Ff they do react the way you expect then they shouldn't pitch a fit about you going. If anything they’ll be relieved it was your choice.”

It sounded perfectly logical in a way that had Shane breathing a bit easier but he still couldn't help but ask. “What if I’m wrong? About how they’ll react? What if they don’t care?” There was a very small chance of that happening but it still was a chance.

“Then you will tell them that you are making the best choice for you and the man you love,” Farah told him calmly. “You will say you are grateful for all the years they gave you but that you are ready to start a new chapter in your life. One that will have you closer to the people you love.”

She said it in such a way that left Shane thinking nothing could go wrong and it was one of the reasons he liked having her as his agent. She was an open minded person, didn’t even blink when Shane came out to her, and she had a way of navigating chaos in a way that reminded Shane of a ship captain in a storm. One who stood at the wheel while wind and rain raged around them, not even buckling for a second as they steered on ahead. 

“Okay,” Shane breathed out quietly. 

“Try not worry too much,” Farah told him kindly. “We have our next steps and if anything else comes up we’ll deal with it until then. For now just continue on as you have been.”

Again Shane nodded before he and Farah ended the call. He let out another breath, feeling a mixture of anxiety and excitement brewing in his chest as he thought over the plan. Farah was right, there wasn’t much they could do until they made their next steps so Shane would do his best to put those unknown variables out of his mind for now.

He jumped when arms wrapped around his waist from behind before immediately relaxing into the hold. He felt a nose nuzzle at his neck and Shane smiled as he tilted his head to the side, offering more access without a word. 

“You have plan ready?” Ilya asked quietly into his skin, his thumbs brushing soothing circles into Shane’s skin. 

Shane nodded. “Yeah. Everything seems airtight for now.”

“... airtight?” Ilya repeated slowly.

“Flawless. Secure. No surprises expected,” Shane offered in explanation and he turned around until he was facing Ilya. He reached up to brush a hand through Ilya’s curls and smiled as Ilya leaned into the caress while his eyes fluttered shut.

Maybe it was a bit much to be doing all this for a relationship that was only a little over a year long but Shane felt it was the best thing for him. He was an overly cautious person at heart so if every bit of him was screaming to be with Ilya and to commit to this then he knew it just had to be the best choice. Despite the little time they’ve had together Shane felt sure their love would last a lifetime. No one had ever made him feel the way Ilya did. He challenged and encouraged Shane in equal measures.

There was something about Ilya that had always drawn Shane to him, starting way back when he was seventeen and he was scouring the internet for any games Ilya had played before they versed one another at the World Juniors. The night of the first draft only increased that feeling and through the years Shane’s mind often strayed to Ilya in ways he tried to force himself not to. 

Now though, now he felt good. He felt deep in his soul that he and Ilya were just meant to do this. That if Ilya had managed to get that CMM commercial to feature both of them and something sparked between them then and there then they would still reach this point. That they would still both wind up in Ottawa and would be ridiculously in love all the same.

“I love you,” Shane whispered to Ilya quietly, leaving forward to capture his mouth in a kiss. 

He felt more than saw Ilya’s answering smile and when they pulled apart Ilya murmured. “Ya tebya lyublyu.”