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“So, do you have an explanation? Because last I heard, you wanted us to get back together, now you and Sam?”
Blaine is lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, completely confused and not quite sure that he’s actually awake. This has to be a dream.
“What? Kurt, please slow down. You know Sam’s not even-”
“You can’t just do that! Either you want me, or you want Sam, you can’t have feelings for both of us! It doesn’t work like that! You think I don’t know that you sang to him a few weeks ago? Seriously, did you hook up after Mr. Schue’s wedding? I knew you were acting weird that night, I can’t believe I considered hooking up with you again, and I’m glad I didn’t’”
Blaine rubbed his forehead, he just woke up, but he was getting a headache.
“Kurt, what does it even matter? Two weeks ago, you were still with Adam! And even if I was seeing Sam, why do you care, as you keep telling anyone who looks in your direction, you and I are just friends!”
What is going on here? Blaine tries to pinch himself, but nothing happens, he is awake, but clearly in some bizarro dimension.
“Well, clearly we’re going to be staying that way! And trying to turn a straight guy, really smart Blaine, been there done that. When Sam finally comes out of whatever bi curious phase he’s in, don’t come crying to me.”
Blaine smacks his free hand into his mattress in frustration before sitting up.
“I won’t! Sam and I are very happy together!” What was he saying? Why did he just say that?
“We’re very much together and we were waiting until after Regionals to announce it to everyone, and I thought I’d have my best friend’s blessing, but I guess not. Bye Kurt.”
Blaine knows it’s wrong, but he can’t help but get a small amount of pleasure from Kurt’s stunned silence before he hangs up. But once he’s off the phone, he feels a sinking feeling in his stomach. What did he just do? And more importantly, what was Sam doing? Did his Facebook get hacked? Was he trying to catfish Blaine? And if so, why?
Not even 11am, and his life is suddenly a complete and utter mess. He really needs to call Sam, but first, he knows he needs to sort through his text messages.
Puck 9:15pm:
Dude! You totally turned Sam gay. Don’t try it with me.
Mercedes 9:30pm
I expect a phone call. One of you needs to tell me what the hell is going on.
Santana 11:11pm
Bravo, short stack. Lady Hummel is having a legit meltdown. And I expect details about what those lips feel like wrapped around your-
Blaine didn’t bother reading the rest, he knew where it was going.
Rachel 8:15am
As someone who’s dealt with the heartache of being someone else’s sexual experiment, I’d normally offer my shoulder to cry on when Sam realizes that he’s actually straight. Unfortunately, my loyalties lie with Kurt, so I’m just letting you know that you can’t come crying to me when Sam breaks your heart.
Well that’s rich, coming from her. Blaine rolls his eyes before moving to the next message.
Artie 9:45am
High five, man, we all know how much you like Sam.
Blaine collapses back on the bed. He should have gone back to Dalton. This would not be happening at Dalton.
No, he’d be on steroids at Dalton, and he knows his frame could not handle that kind of muscle mass and that stuff makes you impotent and he likes not being impotent. Like a lot. He’d be taking advantage of the fact that he’s not impotent right now if it weren’t for this mess he’s in now. Damn it, Sam.
Just as he’s about to finally call Sam, he gets another message.
Brittany 10:40am
My bicorn powers are spreading the love around. Please take care of Sam.
This really cannot continue. Blaine presses “3” on his speed dial and waits for Sam to pick up, he better be awake, or Blaine is going over there and waking him up himself.
“Dude, did Kurt call you?”
“Yes he did,” Blaine lies down on the bed, and pulls his pillow over his face.
“You guys back together?”
Blaine groans, “No, we had a fight. What is going on?”
Sam clears his throat, “The Blonde Chameleon is undercover. Wait, what do you mean you had a fight?”
“He’s mad because he thinks we’re dating. Like he was really unreasonable about it. And seriously, he was dating a guy TWO WEEKS AGO!”
Blaine is so frustrated, he can feel the burning in his eyes, he is not going to cry over this, no matter how frustrating this is because this is ridiculous.
“Sweet! It’s working! You know why he’s mad, right? He’s jealous and he’s freaking out. You told him the truth right? You told him we’re not together?”
“What?” Blaine didn’t even think of that, he was too caught up in being offended and confused, “Not quite.”
“Blaine. What did you tell him?”
“I um, may have let him believe that it’s true.”
“What? Dude, why?”
Blaine sits up and throws his pillow at the wall, because is Sam serious right now?
“Well, first of all, it’s not like you explained this brilliant plan to me, I thought we were partners! I woke up to like 50 text messages, all of which were offense, by the way, and second, Kurt was pissing me off!” Blaine deflates, this is so messed up, “What do I do now?”
Sam thinks, Blaine could almost imagine the cute little wrinkle he gets when he thinks really hard. And he stops himself, because Sam is not cute right now, he’s infuriating.
“Well, I’m undercover, so we should at least make it seem real. I’ll meet you at your locker in the morning with coffee. Also, we should sing to each other in Glee club, for authenticity. And we should probably kiss and hold hands in the hall.”
Blaine tries to ignore the way his heart speeds up when Sam mentions kissing him, because something is not adding up for him.
“Sam, I’m going to ask you a question. Don’t get mad, okay?”
“I’m still not gay, if that’s what you’re gonna ask.”
“No, I wasn’t going to ask that. But, is this about Brittany? About not being a boyfriend anymore? Is this because you really don’t want to go to school and not have anyone to do that stuff with, because trust me, I understand, and I want to be there for you and help you through your break up like you helped me.”
“What, dude, no! I mean, I’m bummed and everything, but this is about you and Kurt. We’re gonna be a couple at school for however long it takes him to come back to Lima to fight for you.”
Blaine smiles, he can’t help but be flattered that Sam cares that much, even if he does think this is just like the Evan situation after the shooting. But he can’t help the sinking feeling that maybe Kurt’s not going to fight for him, because if he were, wouldn’t he would have done it by now?. And like that, Blaine deflates again. So he asks Sam the question that he can’t get out of his head.
“And if he doesn’t?”
“We keep going. We graduate in a couple of months. We’ll go to prom together if we have to.”
Blaine nods, even though he knows Sam can’t see him. He knows this is a bad idea. Someone is going to get hurt and it’s most likely going to be him. He doesn’t know why he agrees to it. But it’s probably safe to say that Sam’s not the only one who misses being someone’s boyfriend.