Chapter Text
I’m in a dark, empty space. Nothing’s around. I shiver, though I don’t feel cold. I sweat, though it’s not boiling in here. Suddenly, someone grabs me by my collar and pushes me back. I bump into someone, I feel their warmth with my back and I slowly turn around to face them.
Sigh. It was just Tyler.
But this all felt strange. The way he smiled at me, the way he looked at me. The way he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer. But the moment I leaned on him – he disappeared. And I was left alone. Now it was cold.
I jumped out of bed, gasping for some breath.
I am Jack’s wrecked mind.
...
For entire night I couldn’t close my eyes even for a bit. That dream is stuck in my head and refuses to go; now I have to bear with dizzy feeling and stinging in my eyes all day, again. Kinda reminds me of the times I had insomnia. I wonder how Bob’s doing.
I was sitting at the kitchen table, the coffee already got cold. I’m staring at it blankly. I don’t like my coffee cold; I need it to be warm. Maybe I should heat it up. How though?
As I was deep in my thoughts, Marla came in, lighting a cigarette. Spent an awesome night with Tyler huh? I bet he fucked you marvelously, I wanted to say, but instead a simple and dry “Morning” came out of my mouth. She turned at me with bits of confusion in her eyes.
“Did something die in the forest?” she scoffed, “What have I done to deserve such leniency from you?”
Classy. I don’t have time for this, Marla.
I abruptly rose from the table and headed toward the front door.
“Where are you going?” Marla raised her voice.
“To get some fresh air.”
I squint at my own tone of speech. Why can’t I just manage my emotions? I know it’s not her fault. Not Tyler’s fault. My fault. I am responsible for all my feelings. I just need to clear my head from all these thoughts with some beer.
The sun goes down.
…
It’s almost past midnight, and I’m hugging every streetlight I see. My hand loses its grip and a glass bottle of beer I was holding slips out, crashing on the ground with this annoying sharp sound. I haven’t even finished it yet, and for some reason, I remember how Tyler and I were drinking under one of the street lamps.
I’m swinging, looking down on the puddle with some pieces of glass. With blurry vision like this I can’t properly catch anything around me with my eyes. But I catch the telephone booth. Wouldn’t it be nice to call someone, huh? I walk towards the booth, tripping on shoelaces. Do I even have shoelaces?
It took me a couple of tries to enter Tyler’s number correctly. I tend to forget many things, like what I had for breakfast, but his number just pops up in my head by itself. I know he won’t pick up a phone so I just wait for him to call back. I pressed my forehead on the window; cold glass brought me to my senses a bit. The phone rang.
C’mon, pick up.
Why aren’t you picking up the phone?
I cant, my hand is shaking.
Pick up the phone.
I pick up. “Tyler?” my voice trembles. Don’t know why, but I lowered my pitch. Maybe I expected him to not recognize me.
“Hello? Who’s that?” the familiar voice replied.
I hang up.
It’s always fucking Tyler when I need somebody to be around. I have no one, and I depend on a person who’s probably doesn’t even care about me that much. I tend to do that.
How I envy those who just don’t give a shit. It’s probably great to not feel anything.
I enter the house, with each step getting weaker. I trip over some rotten plank and fall with a dull thud. Apparently, Tyler wasn’t sleeping, as I hear his loud “Where have you been, Ikea-boy?” from the kitchen.
I don’t reply, of course I don’t.
I managed to climb the stairs, didn’t even trip over the steps. The bed felt like a field of silk flowers embracing you with their petals. Didn’t even take my clothes off.
…
The room was filled with heavy breathing and pants, even the rain outside became silent. Tyler’s hands were roaming over my body, from the sternum to the thighs, stroking them. I couldn’t catch my breath as Tyler was kissing me, consuming me. Not a millimeter between us. He slid his tongue into my mouth and I let out a groan. Tyler’s mouth curved into a grin, I felt it. He broke off the kiss and moved away slightly. I furrowed, feeling the cold air cover my lips. Tyler noticed the expression on my face and took my hand, pressing my palm against his cheek. Oh god.
He went down to my pants, keeping a direct eye contact with my and the smirk not leaving his face. I covered my mouth with the back of my head; my breathing is rapid and unstable as I watch Tyler unbuckling my belt. “Tyler...” I let out desperately, like I always do.
“Shush now, you don’t want to ruin this moment, don’t you?” he whispered taking my pants off.
No, this doesn’t feel right.
What happened before that?
I jumped out of bed, sweating like a marathon runner.
“Fuck” I fell back onto the bed with a grunt.