Chapter Text
The sun had barely risen, the cold of the night was seeping through the walls of an abandoned house, occasionally cars could be heard driving by otherwise it was eerily silent. A young boy stood frozen amongst all the dirt and debris. Alex wore a bullet proof vest under a dirty teared up shirt and held a gun in his hand. He was barely moving. It was like a picture but it felt very real. The boy — Alex was staring at the wall as if someone would come here, looking like he was ready to burst the longer he waited. His posture was that of a boy who was ready to defend himself in a matter of seconds. "Abram you need to sleep." Alex didn't react to the voice, the only sign that he heard it was the fact that his hand held the gun tighter. He also didn't listen to the suggestion, only stood at the same place when suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. He flinched and threw a punch behind him that was caught by his mother, he turned around and aimed his gun at her chest out of reflex. She guided the gun to point at the ground with her index finger and smiled in a sad way that meant she was proud of him like no parents should ever be. "Abram I told you to go to sleep." Mary said before she grabbed his arm and forcefully moved him towards the bed. Alex only moved when he almost fell due to how strongly Mary pulled him. After she let go of him Alex stood in front of the bed, suddenly he could see Mary had a gun in her hand. "I'll protect us." Alex understood that it meant she would guard them so he went on the bed, he decided not to use the blanket so it wouldn't slow him down in case he would have to leave quickly. "Tomorrow give me your bulletproof vest so I can wash it" it was the last thing Alex heard before he fell asleep. Alex woke up half an hour later in a panic, as soon as he saw Mary was standing where he was earlier with her gun he relaxed slightly. Alex got up and walked to the wall to look through a small hole that you couldn't see from outside.
A few seconds later the sun was higher in the sky. A much older and different looking boy was pushing through a crowd with his mother. It was peak time for kids leaving school and adults leaving work so it made the streets hard to see but they walked fast like they knew exactly what they were doing. The boy had a backpack on him and his mother was holding his hand tight as if he'll disappear if she doesn't. The boy, Chris this time, looked all around him like bored teenagers would, he was looking mostly at people faces but you could barely tell from the hood of his hoodie over his head. His mother bent down to talk to him "Hurry we don't have all day" she whispered-yelled to him barely loud enough to be heard over the busy crowd. Chris nodded shyly, after all he was just a kid who finished his school day and had to face hundreds of people. Obviously. Chris walked as fast as he could without running to keep up with his mum. Chris looked behind him before tugging his mother's hand once. "Can we go to the game store later?" He told her, it was a code to mean they should really hurry up. Calmly they walked faster and avoided people as best as they could. Mary didn't let go of his hand even if it would make it easier to avoid people. They had vowed to always stick together unless they didn't have a choice, none of them dared breaking the promise. Chris looked behind him to check rapidly, not seeing anyone he knew he turned back online to realise Mary had disappeared. Knowing he wasn't a place safe enough to stop and look Chris hurried past everyone, there was a huge probability that someone was close to him considering what happened to Mary so he didn't care if he looked suspicious anymore. Chris started running.
The sun started setting. An older boy was running along a beach in California. His lungs ached from the smoke he breathed in when he lit a car on fire but he couldn't stop. Not even the heavy bag he was carrying deterred him. Stefan was sweaty and hot despite the late hours, the wind messed up his hair but he didn't care enough to fix it. After what felt like a long time he stopped at a deserted beach. Stefan looked around as if admiring the beauty before crouching behind some rocks. He got a small shovel and began digging a hole in the sand. His knee ached a lot from the position he was in but he knew he wouldn't be seen that way. Once Stefan deemed the hole deep enough he threw the bag he had with him inside. He looked at it fall, it was a reminder of what could happen to him if he wasn't careful. Stefan quickly filled the hole back with sand and got up as if he hadn't just buried what was left of his mother. After he made sure the bag wouldn't be seen he ran away. Stefan didn't have a clear destination in mind but he knew somewhere far from here was a good start. Without the bag slowing him down he began running faster than ever. It felt like it was all he could do, run, run, run and never look back. Never stop. Always forward. Never get caught. He remembers everything Mary taught him and he would do his best to follow them. He would never get caught. Would he?
Nathaniel woke up, he felt sore and assumed it was from how much he just ran. Slowly he opened his eyes. The room was dark and cold in a way it would make anyone panic if only Nathaniel wasn't used to sleeping in places he couldn't be found which often meant bad conditions. However Nathaniel didn't remember exactly where he had run after the beach. Curious, Nathaniel looked around, he couldn't make out much yet due to the lack of light but he noticed a sink and instantly recognised the place. It was the basement he escaped from almost 10 years ago. He blinked hard to make it disappear from sight like he was in a bad dream but it didn't work. Nathaniel knew he should stay calm in situations like this. He planned on getting up and moving around to figure out why he was here but as soon as he moved his hand he felt handcuffs digging into his already broken skin. The pain distracted him from his plan, it proved to him that it definitely wasn't a dream.
That's when he remembered what happened. He had been found. The memories of the nightmare he just had left his mind to be replaced by methodical thinking. He knew the place well, he knew he couldn't escape so instead he decided he would try his hardest to not make it easy for his father. Nathaniel went back to his original plan and used his hand to help him move, it was painful and uncomfortable to do so from the position he was in but slowly he was able to sit up against the wall although he had to bite his tongue to keep quiet. He felt like he had been hit by a truck but he couldn't stop, Nathaniel made quick work of undoing the handcuffs the way Mary had taught him. He turned his wrists a few times to check his range of motion through the pain.
Not long after, Nathaniel heard footsteps coming through a tunnel, he guessed there were 2 people. Probably Lola and Nathan since Romeo had only been there the first day. He was proven correct when he saw them both entering the room. Immediately Nathaniel looked Nathan in the eyes defying him to do something as Nathan moved closer. Nathan stood tall, he wore a smirk on his face like a man who thought he won gold. That didn't stop Nathaniel who kept eye contact with him, daring him to continue, daring him to try and break him. Nathaniel would never break he was sure of it. He would do it for Mary. Nathaniel sat up straighter, wanting to show his father he was strong enough to survive. Looking Nathan up and down like he didn't care about him Nathaniel started speaking. "You're never gonna win." He said with a voice rough from all the time he had screamed from pain. That made Nathan laugh so hard he had to clutch his side. As soon as he was done laughing and was breathing again he spoke. "Junior. I take it you want to talk today, where is your mother?" Nathan almost spat on him from how close he was standing. "I told you she's dead. I buried her." Nathaniel answered him coldly. "Still don't want to answer? Fine it means I get to have fun quicker" Nathan laughed again.
"Do you want to know what a little runaway who can't run acts like? Well you're in luck you're about to find out." Nathaniel understood what was happening when Lola came closer with a knife in her hand — he instantly recognised it from the day Nathan killed a man in front of him. Nathaniel didn't wait for Nathan to grab the knife, he quickly ducked to his left. Nathaniel crawled on the floor, body burning with determination. He focused on the sound of footsteps as he moved towards the tunnel, he was slow but nothing could make him stop trying. He knew Nathan was getting closer, he heard him, for the first time in his life Nathaniel was terrified. It was that feeling that kept him going. He was almost at the other side of the tunnel when Lola pressed her foot on his back. Nathaniel barely contained a whimper from leaving his mouth. He was trapped. He tried getting himself free but it only made Lola increase the pressure on his back. He tried again but it didn't work, Nathaniel stopped trying he didn't have enough strengths left to move away and worried she would break his bones. Nathaniel thought hard about the situation he was in but there was nothing he could do.
Silently, he begged Mary for forgiveness, Nathaniel wasn't religious, he didn't believe in life after death but it was all he could think of. He had been reckless, he shouldn't have joined an Exy team. Mary forbade him from doing it but he hadn't listened. Nathaniel paused his internal begging as he heard his father coming closer, he knew he wouldn't survive unless some miracle happens. Nathaniel felt the pain before he realised what had happened, it started from his thigh and radiated in his entire leg. He couldn't focus on anything else, he couldn't feel if Lola still had her feet on his back. The only thing he was sure of was that Nathan was laughing. After what felt like forever the pressure of the knife disappeared. Nathaniel tried moving away and realised he could do it easily, or as easily as someone who just had a butcher's knife to his leg can. Nathaniel was confused, he thought it was weird so he looked behind him only to find Lola and Nathan lying dead and bloody on the ground. They had been shot. It felt like relief for Nathaniel but he couldn't rest, he could be the next target. Instinct kicked in, Nathaniel used his hands to slowly push himself up, ignoring the burning pain in his leg. At the last second Nathaniel caught himself from falling with a door handle, as soon as he felt steady enough Nathaniel opened the door and he ran.
He ran as fast as he could, he ran without looking back. He recognised the street from his childhood and from Mary teaching him how to survive around here that he knew where he was going. He went trough the streets he knew would be empty in the morning. Nathaniel looked to make sure he was alone before ducking in a small street barely big enough for one person. Nathaniel walked to the end, he felt safe enough to sit down behind some crates. He knew he wouldn't be seen from the streets. Nathaniel tore a piece of shirt and tied it around his leg to stop the bleeding. He use another part of his shirt to soak up the blood. Suddenly he felt exhausted, all adrenaline left his body and the only thing he could remember before he blacked out was how much pain he was in.
The first thing Nathaniel noticed was how loud his environment was, he was used to assessing everything. Beeping sounds came from his left, talking was heard from a distance and what he assumed was a heater could also be heard. Harsh light blinded him as soon as he opened his eyes. He blinked to focus his eyes and soon he noticed white walls, there was two door on his left and he quickly figured out which one led outside. He checked the window on his left and guessed he was on the second floor, the window had a lock onto it but he knew how to disable it in seconds. He would be able to jump out if the situation required it. The room otherwise was bare, from the bed he couldn't see anything else other than a bedside table and an IV pole. He didn't have a TV or other decorations. As Nathaniel's mind came more into focus he realised his hands were bound to the bed with handcuffs. He tried moving them but his range of movement was greatly limited.
After he checked his hand his eyes wandered to his legs were he was hit but it was hidden by a small blanket. He tensed up when the door creaked and immediately moved his gaze to it. A girl with blond hair wearing a white blouse along a pinned name-tag that read "Ms. Beng, Nurse" with a happy smile drawn next to it — entered the room slowly. She wasn't holding anything but it served nothing to calm Nathaniel. The air was tense, Nathaniel was staring coldly at the nurse. He wanted to run but he couldn't. "Hello Nathaniel, how are you doing today? Any pain?" She said sweetly but Nathaniel wasn't fooled, he knew he couldn't trust her. "Let me go." He answered moving his handcuffed hands but the nurse shook her head "I'm sorry but I am not able to, it's for your safety. You were violent every-time you woke up and we didn't want you to injure yourself further" Nathaniel heard what was unsaid, he was someone to be feared. Similar to how his father was feared except Nathaniel didn't remember waking up, didn't remember attacking anyone. More importantly he had a rule to only hurt his fathers men so he wouldn't become like him.
Nathaniel racked his brain to remember anything after he passed out but it was blank. If he really did wake up he hoped he didn't say anything to the nurse. He knew too much and saying even one little seemingly innocent thing could put anyone in danger. His father was dead but that didn't mean he was totally free, who knows what the remaining men would do to him?
The nurse was quiet, as if she was letting Nathaniel have some times to himself. Nathaniel knew silence was futile, they would have to talk about it. By it he meant the extent to what Nathan did to him. Nathaniel took a deep breath before talking "so.." was all that he said. He gave the opportunity for the nurse to say anything important she felt like fitted in the conversation. "I'm sorry to have to inform you that you might not be able to walk properly, you will need a cane but you will also be offered PT here that will hopefully enable you to walk without it most of the time". In a matter of seconds Nathaniel's world was crushed. He assumed that since he had been able to run afterwards he would be fine. Adrenaline was a funny thing. Nathaniel laughed for a few seconds, he couldn't stop himself. He had dreamed of joining an Exy team again, his mum had taken that away from him when she made him run away. He understood later it was for his own good but as a kid he held hope that he would be able to join one once the threat of Nathan would be over. Hope was a dangerous thing, he had given that up in his teens. Now he had to hope he would walk again without help. He didn't believe in hope, however, he was determined to get better and show that stupid nurse how wrong she was.
"I know it is hard to accept but-" Nathaniel cut the nurse off. "go away." Nathaniel looked the nurse in the eye, challenging her to stay. She didn't look terrified, Nathaniel had to give her that at least, still she highly bothered him. After a minute she smiled sadly before exiting the room. Nathaniel was still watching as blond hair disappeared behind the closed door. He sighed and slightly relaxed, now that he was alone he worked to undo the handcuffs. It took him 10 minutes as he was careful but after that his hands were free with minimal added pain. He turned his wrists back and forth to get used to not being cuffed anymore.
Nathaniel knew what he had to do now. He used his hand to help him sit up, it made him dizzy but he ignored it as he felt otherwise fine. Once he stopped being dizzy Nathaniel put his hands on top of the thin blanket trying to will himself to go further. A minute later he tightened his hold on the blanket looking at it creasing before, all at once, throwing it at the front side of the bed. The sight that greeted him wasn't pretty, scars littered his legs, thankfully the bandages hid the worst of it. Nathaniel looked more closely, he could recognise a few scars from when he jumped out of a car or from when he fell on some tree roots and other small accidents from his time on the run but most of them were new. He stared at everything in disgust before daring to check the part that he knew would be the worst. A huge bandage ran from the back of his leg to the middle of his thigh. He ran his hand along it, feeling the stitches poke out of his skin. He was relieved for the bandage, he didn't want to imagine what this scar would look like. Nathaniel was sure it wouldn't be pretty considering Nathan's weapon of choice.
Nathaniel flinched at hearing a notification, he looked at where the noise came from to see a phone. He knew he didn't own one, it was too dangerous. He briefly wondered if someone might've forgotten it there but he deemed it not likely. Nathaniel reached for the phone with shaky hands. He felt along the side to find the button that helps open the phone, when the screen lit up it displayed a text notification that Nathaniel quickly figured out how to open. The contact name was called "Stuart", Nathaniel recognised the name from the rare occasion where Mary had talked about him. However it confused him why he suddenly had a phone and why Stuart was reaching out to him. He quickly read the text to figure it out "I heard you're awake. Don't try to run away this time. Please. Be nice to the staff." Nathaniel scoffed, who was Stuart to tell him what to do? He didn't even bother replying. Immediately after setting throwing the phone on the bedside table Nathaniel used his hands to help him stand up. He let go of the bed and his right leg, the one Nathan hit with his cleaver, gave out. He had enough time to catch himself on the bed, still determined Nathaniel tried again but the same results happened every-time. Defeated he lied on the bed again.
A few days after, Nathaniel was taping his finger on the small hospital table placed over his legs. On its side sat a forgotten plate of sweets along with a crossword book a nurse had given him next to an uncharged flip phone. The play book looked brand new and untouched, Nathaniel didn't need distractions, he was used to waiting and not doing anything for a while. This time however, he wasn't waiting to avoid danger, he didn't have a choice. And once again Nathaniel was feeling restless, maybe the feeling had never stopped? He was after all a runner.
Nathaniel closed his hand to stop himself from fidgeting. He looked at the small clock next to his bed and sighed, someone had told him a physical therapist would visit but he wasn't told when, perhaps he also hadn't fully listened. He knew he would walk again and it was all that mattered.
Outside the rain was pounding against the window, a mirror of how Nathaniel felt. It felt like the sun itself hid to remind him he couldn't go outside yet. Nathaniel stared at the raindrops falling on the window, seeing them disappear under it while he imagined what it would be like to be out. What it would be like to be in a place nobody knew about him or his story. Daydreaming never helped him, Mary tried to beat it out of him but she wasn't there to stop him this time. So here, on that rainy Tuesday, he imagined a different life for himself. One that seemed too amazing but also unobtainable. It was his only way to stay sane in the place.
A knock echoed in the room right before a tall man entered. He had a smile on his face that looked fake with bags under his eyes like he hadn't slept in days. Compared to the nurses he didn't have a badge, "Good afternoon Nathaniel, you can call me Benjamin or Russel, how are you today?" Surprisingly Benjamin sounded cheerful. Still Nathaniel didn't answer, he didn't want small talks. It felt pointless when he could already be walking. Benjamin coughed awkwardly "okay… Well let's get you moving a'right?" He moved towards Nathaniel's bed and pushed the bedside table away. He then reached to remove the blanket but Nathaniel swatted his hand away and did it himself. Giving a look to Benjamin that said I'm not a retard I can do it myself. Slowly, Nathaniel moved his leg out of the bed, Benjamin went to the remote to lower the bed but Nathaniel didn't wait. Despite his legs not touching the ground he stood up, he kept his hand on the bed for a few seconds before he let go completely. Nathaniel legs were shaky and he had to focus on not falling. He couldn't fail this. He wouldn't let it happen. He wasn't weak. However his body had other plans, Benjamin caught him right before he fell. "You have to go slow" Nathaniel sighed, he didn't want to. He had to get better so he could leave this dreadful place.
Benjamin grabbed a pair of black crutches that were set against the wall and handed them to Nathaniel. It wasn't the normal crutches that goes under your shoulders, no, it looked like the one you get when you need to use them long term. "okay, when you walk put the crutches down at the same time as your right leg" Benjamin demonstrated it before handing the crutches, Nathaniel frowned at them before reluctantly grabbing them. Nathaniel gripped the handle with his hands and started walking "Slowly" Benjamin reminded him. Nathaniel almost stuck his tongue at him but it felt childish. Instead he listened and slightly slowed down. His leg still shook when he walked and occasionally gave up but he was able to cross the room. When he reached the door Benjamin called him back. Nathaniel debated going outside and running away but he wouldn't be able to get far. Finally Nathaniel went back to his bed, his walk was slow and he had to be careful with the crutches but at least he wasn't stuck in bed anymore. "That's good for today, I'll be back around the same time tomorrow" Nathaniel nodded, he still didn't want to speak to Benjamin.
Nathaniel got on his bed with minimum help from Benjamin, he felt tired now even if he hadn't been doing much for days. As soon as Benjamin left the room Nathaniel closed his hand tightly into a fist, nails digging into his palm. He wanted to scream. Where had the fast and agile Nathaniel went? The Nathaniel who would stand for hours in uncomfortable positions? The Nathaniel who would do anything to survive? The Nathaniel who had joined an exy team again? Now he could barely stand without falling. He had lost everything. He and his mother running was just a distant memory that felt like it didn't belong to him anymore. Suddenly Nathaniel took the play book from his table and threw it at the wall in frustration. He watched it rebound and fall to the ground in a low thud. It didn't feel like enough. Nathaniel was breaking inside and he had no idea how to deal with it. He didn't think anyone could help him, it was something he had to do alone. Nathaniel didn't think he could face anyone when he felt like this. When all the life he had planned with Mary had disappeared in a heartbeat, in a gunshot in his case.
Nathaniel fell asleep not long after, walking and feeling had exhausted him. That night he dreamt of running, of not having any limits. In his dream he was no one, a ghost of a person. Someone who didn't exist other than to survive. He didn't have to talk to anyone, he didn't have to do anything. No one knew he existed and that knowledge comforted him even if a part of his brain knew he was dreaming. He ignored it to instead focus on how nice it was to be forgotten. To live without worry of being seen even if it was just for a couple of hours until he inevitably wake up.
Nathaniel flip phone had died a few days ago, right before he received a text saying “I will arrive on Thursday -S.H.” without much more explanation. Nathaniel tried not to overthink but it was hard when the only distractions he had were medical appointments. According to the nurse he was healing quite well but it didn't matter. Nathaniel used to run when he was injured, he would do his own stitches, he had never been hurt to the point he couldn't move. He was used to pain, he usually would be able to ignore it but not this time.
It was now Thursday and Nathaniel has been staring at the door waiting for it to move for a while. He wasn't thinking. Nathaniel was focused, body tense and hands tight in a way that if needed he could quickly protect himself or fight back. He did his best to ignore the incessant beeping of the machines, the noise of people talking outsides, the wheels of IV poles. Nathaniel had gotten used to the hospital smell but the noise was still bothering him, it made him more paranoid than usual. You never knew what it could be hiding. All of the sudden Nathaniel was proven right when he heard a knock on the door. He tensed up, his hands tightened in a painful way that put pressure on the scabs he wore all over them in a way that helped him stay focused. The door opened to reveal a tall man, he wore clothes that made him blend in with the crowd of hospital visitors and carried a paper bag in his hands. “Ah hello nephew” Stuart said enthusiastically.
Stuart looked like he had seen too much in life, but he didn’t look hostile. However Nathaniel didn't trust him, he knew how easy it was to hide your intentions. Stuart approached the bed which made Nathaniel move back so he wouldn’t be so close to Stuart. Stuart carefully placed the paper bag he was carrying next to the still uneaten plate of the sweets he had sent before. From here Nathaniel could see the resemblance between him and Mary, they had the same nose and his smile was the same one Mary wore, small and barely visible unless you knew how to look. Although the situation felt awkward Stuart looked completely at ease. “How are you doing?” Stuart said as he grabbed a chair to sit next to the bed. Nathaniel didn’t know this man well but he already annoyed him completely. Nathaniel hate small talks, even more since he knew it wasn't why Stuart was here. “I’m fine” He answered without thinking. Stuart snorted “you really are Mary’s son” Nathaniel was going to talk back to him but was cut off by Stuart saying he wanted to talk business. Business. That’s a funny word that didn’t explain anything.
Nathaniel didn’t have a choice than to listen despite wishing Stuart would shut up. Stuart sat up straighter, a sign Nathaniel had always related to power and began talking. “As of now your father’s empire is completely destroyed, it won’t be able to get back up anymore. After you have recovered here I suggest you come live with me, I own a mansion and have enough money to be able to pay for people to help you” Nathaniel scoffed, he didn’t need help. He would get better and do everything on his own. That's how it works. Stuart seemed to notice what Nathaniel was thinking about. "It's the least I can do, Mary didn't want my help and look where it got you. I promise I'll keep out of your way when we live together if that's what you need but please consider my offer." Nathaniel didn't say anything, the tone Stuart used left no room for arguments, he planned on having Nathaniel live with him and wouldn't leave him a choice. Nathaniel hadn't planned what he would do next but it sure as hell wouldn't include Stuart in it. He didn't want to trade a bad family for another. "What do I get for it?" Even if Nathaniel's first instinct was to refuse he was gonna think of every possibility.
Stuart's smile seemed to get bigger even though it didn't change. "You will get the safety that you need and that will allow you to heal at your own pace. You will also never have to worry about food, clothes, hygiene product as I will provide everything to you." Nathaniel waited for the trap but Stuart didn't say anything else. Nathaniel tried reading Stuart's body language but unfortunately it didn't give much more clues.
Stuart looked guilty about what happened except Nathaniel knew Stuart had never done anything for them. One day Mary had given him a sheet with Stuart's number and had said to call only at last resort. Nathaniel promised to her he'd never call unless he was close to dying, and when that had happened he hadn't been able to call anyway. The air was thick with tension, Nathaniel wanted Stuart to go away but as much as the other man seemed intelligent he wasn't moving. "I heard you're getting better?" Stuart said hesitantly as he looked at Nathaniel's crutches, Nathaniel didn't answer so Stuart added something else. "I'm happy you're cooperating with the nurses, I know it isn't easy" Nathaniel sighed, he didn't want to talk about feeling with anyone and even less with Stuart. Stuart didn't deserve to be in his life as he had never tried helping him. He didn't even remember a single time he had seen Stuart and Nathaniel was very good at remembering people's faces. "Visiting hours are over" Nathaniel declared, he knew Stuart was aware it wasn't for another couple of hours but Stuart was clever for once in his life and got up. "As soon as you can leave the hospital I'll take you to my house" He said right before exiting the room. Nathaniel was left to wonder what kind of man Stuart was and how bad it could be to accept and leave with him.
Nathaniel shook his head, he wouldn't go with a man that was never a part of his life. He didn't know him that well and everything he said could be to trick him. Nathaniel knew Stuart was right: Mary hadn't tried reaching out for help but that was because Stuart never did anything. Even when Stuart had hints about what kind of man Nathan could be he didn't try getting them out of here. Didn't try reaching out to them. At least that's what Nathaniel had understood when Mary finally told him about Stuart. Earlier Nathaniel had gotten more proof. Stuart had looked too guilty for someone who claimed he hadn't been allowed to help them. Mary had a distrust in everyone who wasn't Nathaniel that was true but it didn't mean she wouldn't use everything she had to survive. She had used a lot of her contact to create all of their identities, to get them all the way to Europe and to avoid getting found by Nathaniel. If she knew Stuart could've helped even just temporary she would've used his help. It left Nathaniel to wonder why Stuart suddenly wanted to get to know him better.
Nathaniel stepped on and off a small step under the watchful eyes of his physical therapist. It had been months since the dreadful day he was told he couldn't walk anymore. He couldn't remember how long it had been but he remembered clearly when he was told he'd never be able to run anymore, he hated it. Running was all he knew, running was safe. Running was how he survived all of the time after all. Everything seemed blurry, days blended together. Nurses, physical therapy, staying in his room, sleeping. It was always the same. Nathaniel couldn't remember how often he said he was "fine".
At first it took Nathaniel a week to feel really stable on his legs, even longer to be able to walk on his legs without feeling like he would fall at every step. He now knew running would sadly not be possible anymore. That means Nathaniel didn't have a choice than to get used to a routine here which is why he looked slightly less annoyed during physical therapy. "good job Nathaniel" Benjamin told him with a smile. At least Benjamin looked less exhausted now, not that Nathaniel cared. "Ok-ay now we'll do the same but without holding onto anything for 5 steps. If you can do it we'll try increasing the amount next time" Nathaniel scoffed, he knew he could do it.
However this didn't mean he would do it fast. Nathaniel quickly put his good leg on the step before slowly and shakily raising his bad one. He felt unsteady and almost grabbed the bar in front of him but he didn't. Afterwards Nathaniel lowered his bad leg to the ground, careful to not make his pain worse before following with the other one. He repeated that 4 more times before Benjamin made him sit down.
"So, how was it?" Benjamin asked, Nathaniel stared at him for a bit before shrugging. Benjamin answered with a smile like he was used to being met with silence. "We're all done for today, like always if your leg starts bothering you too much just tell me and we'll reassess what we do here" With that Benjamin handed Nathaniel the cane he had started using recently and opened the door for him. "see you tomorrow!" Benjamin happily said. How he could put up with Nathaniel enough to keep being friendly, Nathaniel didn't know and didn't think it mattered enough to ask. Even when Nathaniel felt like he couldn't put up with himself most days.
Nathaniel didn't look back as he left the room. Rather than turning right towards the rooms like usual Nathaniel decided to continue forwards until he reached the door that let to the small courtyard in front of the hospital. Outside you could see different patients sporting various medical equipment enjoying the sun together or with other people. Probably their families since some looked alike. Nathaniel didn't paid them any mind anymore as he walked to a bench that had been left alone.
Nathaniel started kicking some rocks, moving his feet back and forth as he drummed his fingers against his legs. The feeling of restlessness was worsening now that he was seeing the outside world. Nathaniel wanted nothing more than to be able to walk for longer. He never thought he would be stupid enough to get caught except now he had to deal with the consequences. His memory of the encounter with his dad where blurry at most but he remembered clearly when he realised Nathan was dead.
There's still a part of him that can't believe it, that doesn't understand how it happened but he knew it was true. His father hadn't been moving, his face stuck in a scowl with blood falling all over it as it left a small puddle on the ground. He hadn't waited to double check and now he wondered if it had been the right option, since he couldn't run anymore maybe he should've stayed in that room to ease his mind by making sure he was dead and wait for help. Nathaniel knew he couldn't change the past but now that he was forced to stay in one place it was like his brain decided to remind of everything that happened and how it could've gone. On the run you only have time to think of the present and future, never what happened. All that matter was surviving and Nathaniel wondered if maybe there had been an easier way to escape Nathan, though he knew it didn't exist. Nathan was too powerful and he would have found him quicker if he hadn't gone to all of those places.
Someone sat next to Nathaniel. How dare they disturb him when he is spiralling mentally? Nathaniel didn't even look at them, he didn't want to socialise. He also knew it was just a nurse from the white coat he had seen a glimpse of. "Nathaniel you have therapy now, I know you don't like the idea of it but it will help" she sounded kind but Nathaniel still had an uneasy feeling at being close to medical personnel. She seemed to notice something as she moved away from him and stared ahead "I'm really sorry but you can't keep missing therapy Nathaniel" The nurse sighed. "Even if you don't talk just go, I promise the therapist will know how to help you."
"Yeah. As if seeing a shrink will fix me." Nathaniel spat out. He kicked one last rock before getting up and walking away. He didn't look back to see the probable look of pity the nurse was giving him. He didn't care anymore. It wasn't the first time they tried forcing him in therapy and Nathaniel would make sure it was the last. Nathaniel was walking as fast as he could with a cane without having a destination in mind. His only thought was to avoid people and not be asked about therapy anymore. Soon, Nathaniel ended up in front of a bus station and a new thought formed in his head.
He had briefly wondered what it would be like to be somewhere away from here a few times. Stuart had told him to stay in the hospital until he was well enough to go live with him but does Nathaniel really wanted to go back to living with a bad family? Obviously Stuart was much better than Nathan but he was part of the British mob. Nathaniel made up his mind. He didn't need much convincing. Nathaniel walked closer to the bus stop so he could look at the time sheet. He looked for one that would bring him to a train station and quickly memorised all of its schedule. Nathaniel was only staying at the hospital for rehab anyway and he now had enough knowledge to it alone.
Nathaniel had waited for the nurse to come take his vitals before putting on a brand new hoodie and quietly slipping out of his room. Before going outside Nathaniel broke in Benjamin's office to place the sweets Stuart keeps sending him on Benjamin's desk. He didn't leave a note with it, no trace to who it could be from and made sure to re-lock the door so no one would suspect anything. Nathaniel had kept his cane in his bag until he was out of sight of the hospital. Even then he looked around and after noticing only one other person who was a stranger did he retrieve his cane.
Now he was waiting in a queue at the train station, people were talking, train breaks were screeching, it smelled of sweat and heat. Nathaniel was able to see and feel everyone around him. He purposely chose one the busiest time so that it would be easier to stay unnoticed even though it made walking harder. It was impossible for Nathaniel to ignore everything Mary had taught him, it was ingrained in him like how kids learn to say "please" and "thank you" for requests. A gift from his childhood.
Once the last person in front of Nathaniel left he stepped in front of the ticket booth. "Welcome, where would you like to go?" Nathaniel held onto his bag tighter, a way to protect everything he owned in this very crowded train station. "Bus A2 to Arizona, name Paul Gillont spelt with double L and a T at the end" Nathaniel had rehearsed this to sound believable. He didn't usually need to rehearse but this time he didn't have an id to show. Nathaniel was watching the man in front of him intensely, hoping he would not be asked for any kind of identification. He started switching his weight from one foot to another as if to appear short on time. The train station worker didn't react to this, didn't change his pace. The man printed a ticked and showed it to Nathaniel. "That's how you spell the name?" He said in a tone that feigned annoyance. Nathaniel nodded, he placed a few bills down on the counter before grabbing his ticket. He didn't wait for change and quickly made his way to the bus lane outside, squeezing past the crowd that seemed bigger than when he went in.
Nathaniel sat in the middle of the Bus next to the window, his hood down to hide most of his scars and a bag next to him to dissuade others from sitting here. Nathaniel had chosen to go to a place he new he had contacts that could do what he wanted. He was gonna be someone else, away from anything he once knew. Wesninski would only be a bad memory. Nathaniel watched outside the window, landscape blurring together due to the speed of the bus on the high way. An important question came to his mind. Who is he? He is not Paul that's for sure, it was just a name he used so he couldn't be tracked. Nathaniel knew he couldn't and wouldn't chose a name tied to someone from his past. However he couldn't think of a name for himself, all the one he thought of like Dylan, Jhon, Randy felt weird. Annoyed, Nathaniel rested his head against the window, he focused on the cold feeling on his forehead for a bit in case it would help him think of a name. Unfortunately it only served to make Nathaniel feel even more annoyed.
Nathaniel turned his head to the side so he could at least observe and analyse the other passengers to pass time. That's when he noticed a newspaper tucked in the back pocket of the seat in front of him. "How to decorate your bedroom, Neil will-" Nathaniel didn't care about the article, it wasn't gonna add anything of value to his life but weirdly enough, he felt something. He picked up the newspaper and looked at it more closely. He was right it was boring and useless , but, something caught his eyes. The name of the guy. Neil? Neil it instantly felt like him. He was Neil. For the first time in his life Nath Neil was excited. Soon Neil found his last name, Josten. He is Neil Josten. A name he chose himself. A name no one could take away, the first name that felt right. Neil put his jacket on the window in some kind of makeshift pillow, he put his head on it. He could rest now that he had figured out his identity, he knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep but he had learnt with time how to be alert enough while still getting a little bit of energy back. After all he was still in a bus full of strangers and he just had the exciting discovery of a name that fits.
A few months after that Neil had all his paperwork done. He had thanked his contact and gave her a big sum of money before leaving the city. He had made a plan, he would go to a small town. It was the worst thing to do according to Marie but he knew that was the only way he would be able to exist the way he wants. Neil opted to not disguise himself, he had already been seen like this by multiple people so it didn't matter anymore. It wouldn't change anything about himself, he would still be Neil even if he looked similar to Nathaniel. The biggest difference being that he looked content. Neil hadn't thought of what he would do once he gets a place in the town but he had time. He wasn't on the run anymore. He didn't have to hurry to survive.
Neil was now taking a bus again. This time it was to go to the place he chose to live in. They were driving in the middle of nowhere, field could be seen from every side in a way that it made it seem infinite. Neil was gazing longingly outside, watching the few farmers that were working there in various vehicles. Neil wasn't wearing his jacket as he had decided not to hide anymore, he could feel other staring at him because of his visible scars. It made him feel uneasy to be the centre of attention. Neil tried to brush their concerns off with a smile but he must've not been convincing enough because people started whispering. Neil sighed and turned his gaze back outside, he noticed the roads had gotten slightly smaller, as if the crops were somehow more important than the people in the bus. Neil noticed when they passed a farm and it told him that they would be there soon. It didn't matter that others had started judging him anymore. He stared ahead until he could see buildings appearing in front of the bus. Neil slowly put his jacket on again and moved the bag hidden behind his back to his lap. Holding the strap tightly. Neil stretched a bit before the bus came to a stop. "Anyone stopping at Palmetto?" He was the only one to exit the bus.