Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Jungwon is, no doubt, obsessed with Jay.

Okay, maybe ‘obsessed’ is a bit of a stretch, but how Jungwon is acting is close enough to obsession.

Jay first noticed Jungwon in his own second year (when Jungwon was just a freshman), how the younger boy would stare at him with heart-shaped eyes and a honey-sweet smile that made Jay feel more uncomfortable than flustered.

But it didn’t stop there.

By some unfortunate coincidence, Jungwon signed up as a volunteer for the same event as Jay. 

To Jungwon, it was the perfect opportunity to talk to his greatest crush.

To Jay, however, hearing Jungwon openly admit out loud to every other volunteer that he was his major crush, as well as calling him Jay-hyung as if to make him feel special, felt like all the blood in his body had been drained and discarded, never to be recovered.

At first, Jay thought he could tolerate it.

It was normal for people to have crushes and even admit them unapologetically. Not to mention that Jungwon wasn’t the first person to like him, after all. So yes, it was bearable.

Jungwon seemed like a bright kid, full of ideas and energy—the type of person Jay would avoid. 

He started trailing behind Jay everywhere, enthusiastically agreeing with everything he said, even though it was nonsensical, which, by the way, made Jay frustratedly annoyed. That was when it began to get on his nerves, somehow discarding the younger's other overflowing good qualities.

And Jungwon never, ever stopped following him around. 

He also hated the fact that people who knew them actually thought they would make a cute couple.

Jay tried being mean, of course. Making it clear that he liked girls, even though it was a lie, hoping it would push the younger away. Instead, Jungwon only grew more ambitious, more unapologetic. 

The persistence ignited something in Jay, too, but it wasn’t admiration.

It was irritation. Discomfort. 

A fire fueled by the constant presence he couldn’t shake off. From acting like one, he became an actual meanie to Jungwon.

“Why the fuck did you accept Yang Jungwon?!” Jay shouts at Heeseung, his voice nearly echoing through their cramped living room in their shared apartment. His grip tightens around the clipboard until it trembles in his hands.

Jay hadn’t seen Jungwon for almost two months, and for the first time in three years, he had felt genuinely relieved.

But seeing Jungwon’s name on the registration list of people who signed up for his one-on-one guitar classes today at 9 am in the morning brought everything rushing back. 

“And why shouldn’t we?” Heeseung replies casually, eyes never leaving his laptop screen. He throws Jay a glance before returning to his work, fingers hovering over the keyboard as a slow, knowing smirk creeps across his face.

“You know damn well, Heeseung. Damn well!” Jay shouts again, not even caring if the neighbors next door hear and file a complaint against them.

The thing is, Jay and Heeseung aren’t filthy rich kids.

Their rent is still supported by their parents, but their daily expenses have started to pile up so much that even their combined allowances can barely cover the two of them. Especially after Jay’s petty fight with his dad, who cut off his credit card and made it clear he would only pay for rent and bills, no more extra allowance beyond that to teach him a lesson or something Jay couldn’t really care about.

What’s crazier is that Heeseung’s parents don’t seem to care. Their son’s best friend, a.k.a. his roommate, is literally sharing their son’s allowance, and yet they haven’t said a word.

Jay honestly thought they would at least talk to his dad to negotiate, but no. Nothing.

So now they’ve resorted to Jay holding one-on-one guitar classes, six sessions over the span of two weeks of his spring break, just to make ends meet.

“So what? The kid had a huge crush on you. Big deal,” Heeseung says, followed by a yawn as he stretches his arms. His glasses slide down the bridge of his nose, revealing the dark circles forming under his eyes.

“He’s not going to take my classes seriously. You know that!” Jay shoots back, frustration lacing his voice, his expression still sour.

“Even so, the money you’ll earn from him is still going to pay our bills, won’t it?”

Jay exhales sharply through his nose, hating to admit that Heeseung has a point.

“This is fucking hell.”

“And stop shouting, gosh. It’s literally nine in the morning. He’ll be here any minute now, so I suggest you pull yourself together before you snap at the poor kid because of your one-sided hatred,” Heeseung adds. He stands up, turns his back on Jay behind the island counter, grabs a cup, and pours himself some water.

“Plus, it’s been months since you last saw him, hasn’t it?” Heeseung continues, taking a sip before speaking again. “Who’s to say he still likes you?”

*Ding Dong*

Heeseung and Jay look at each other. Jay with wide eyes, and Heeseung with a smirk still playing on his lips, as if silently saying, I told you so.

“Speaking of the dimpled devil,” Heeseung murmurs into his cup before taking another sip. He closes his laptop and heads for the door, since Jay looks like he’s about to spontaneously combust in the middle of their tiny living room.

“Hi!” Jungwon greets enthusiastically as soon as the door opens, and Heeseung mirrors the energy just as warmly. “Hi, Jay-hyung!”

Jay watches from the couch as Jungwon slips off his shoes, his guitar bag still properly strapped to his back. For some reason, the sight irritates him more than it should. Bent over while untying his laces, the guitar resting behind him like an amateur, and to Jay, Jungwon looks ridiculously enough like a horse.

The thought only fuels his annoyance. He groans and lets his head fall back against the sofa’s backrest with a dull thud. It doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Just ignore him,” Heeseung says, followed by a chuckle. “He woke up and fell on his bum.”

Jay doesn’t even need to look to know Heeseung is wearing a massive grin as if it's the best lie he’s ever told.

“Oh, I see,” Jungwon replies, concern immediately softening his voice. “That must’ve hurt…”

“Well, we’re glad you could make it. Thanks for signing up for the two-week class. Even though you could be doing something else for spring break. This is actually a big deal for us,” Heeseung adds, his teasing expression fading into something more sincere.

“No worries! I’ve wanted to learn how to play the guitar ever since I was a kid, anyway. Plus, it would be nice to explore other musical instruments!”

Jay tries to suppress another groan. 

He doesn’t know why that sentence alone irritates him more than it reasonably should—probably the undertone that Jungwon comes from a filthy rich family that can afford to waste time learning multiple musical instruments. Unlike him, who has to worry about whether he should skip dinner altogether or come up with a pathetic excuse of a meal out of instant ramen.

“Are you two going to keep chatting there or what?” Jay’s sudden, sharp tone startles Jungwon, his shoulders visibly flinch at the subtle but unmistakable edge in his voice.

“Uh—haha. Ahem. Forgive him,” Heeseung says quickly, offering Jungwon a small, apologetic smile which Jungwon responds with a tight-lipped one of his own. 

“It’s fine, Hee-hyung. No biggie. I’m already used to it.”

The way Jungwon says it, still smiling, makes Heeseung want to smack his friend upside the head for being unnecessarily hostile to someone as sweet and bright as Jungwon.

“Oh. That’s… concerning but beneficial,” Heeseung mutters dryly.

He really couldn’t blame Jay. At the same time, though, Jay wouldn’t be suffering like this if he had just rejected Jungwon. He doesn’t understand why his friend still hasn’t, honestly.

The next two hours were practically hell for both of them.

For Jay, it was torture in the form of restraint. He was seconds away from ripping his hair out with the way Jungwon kept staring at his face instead of listening to basic guitar terms or watching his finger placement on the fretboard. They spent at least ten minutes longer than necessary on the G chord, which, by the way, was one of the easiest chords for Jay to teach. And still, Jungwon kept getting distracted.

For Jungwon, on the other hand, it was a different kind of hell. The room felt unbearably hot, and Jay kept looking at him as if he were the most impossible person in the world. But none of that truly mattered to him. Being this close to Jay was enough… despite the cold treatment he was receiving from his own mentor.

Meanwhile, Heeseung sat comfortably by the island counter, occasionally glancing at them under the pretense of working on his laptop, when in reality, he was just binge-watching his favorite show.

As if it were the greatest reward imaginable, the first session finally came to an end. The two-hour alarm went off, prompting Jay to exhale sharply in relief. Across from him, Jungwon slowly pouted at the sound, disappointed that it was over, that he would no longer have an excuse to stare at Jay so unapologetically.

“Great job today, Jungwon!” Heeseung said, breaking the heavy atmosphere that had settled over the living room. He clapped his hands and patted Jungwon’s shoulder before taking the space beside him on the sofa.

“Thank you, hyung,” Jungwon replied with a sheepish smile. “Though I know I really sucked. My fingers started hurting easily from pressing the strings too hard…”

“Tell me about it,” Jay scoffed under his breath, though still loud enough for the other two to hear.

“Hey, take it easy on him,” Heeseung said, tossing a throw pillow at his friend. Jay shot him a glare before throwing the pillow right back at him.

“Just continue practicing the chords we covered at home,” Jay says, followed by a sigh. “I’ll send you a link via email with the song we’ll work on next session. For now, we’re done.”

“Right! Just remember, the next session is on Wednesday, same time,” Heeseung adds. Jungwon responds with a nod as he slings his guitar bag over his shoulder.

“Alright, thank you again, hyung!” Jungwon says a little too brightly, his enthusiasm grating on Jay’s nerves once again.

“Well, uh, I’ll just use the bathroom for a bit,” Heeseung mutters, rising from the sofa. He steps close to Jay and leans in to whisper, “Don’t be too hard on the kid, okay?”

Jay rolls his eyes for what feels like the hundredth time that morning. He ignores Heeseung entirely and focuses on placing his guitar onto the stand beside the couch. Another sharp breath escapes through his nose, prompting Heeseung to let out a low whistle before heading toward their shared bathroom.

“You were really amazing earlier, Jay-hyung. W-with the demonstration and… everything…” Jungwon says, offering a soft smile that only manages to irritate Jay further.

“Don’t assume I like you just because Heeseung treats you nicely,” Jay shoots back. “It’s not like you’re actually welcome here.”

Jay watches Jungwon’s brows knit together. “I wasn’t even thinking that…”

“Oh, really? Then tell me. Did you come here to actually learn, or just to stare at me?”

“Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? I’m supposed to watch—”

“Even when I’m not demonstrating anymore?”

Jungwon falls silent, his words seemingly lodged in his throat. He watched Jay stand, towering over him as his hands found their way into his sweatpants’ pockets. “If you aren’t going to take this seriously, then just quit.” 

“I am taking this seriously…”

“Then act like it,” Jay says with an edge that made Jungwon flinch. The reaction tugs at Jay’s heart—just slightly—but his indifference remains firmly in place.

“We’re done here.”

Jungwon immediately stands as Jay turns and walks toward the hallway leading to his room. Jungwon’s mind races, scrambling for something or anything to say.

“I can be serious! I’ll prove it to you!” he calls out.

Jay scoffs, not slowing his pace the way Jungwon had hoped.

“As if,” Jay mutters under his breath. At the same moment, Heeseung steps out of the bathroom, confusion written all over his face.

“Hey, what’s with the long fa—”

“Heeseung will see you out.”

Jay’s bedroom door slams shut louder than intended, making both Jungwon and Heeseung flinch. Heeseung immediately shouts a string of curses at his friend, while Jungwon remains frozen in place, his eyes glistening as tears threaten to spill. A small pout forms on his lips.

Eventually, Jungwon leaves the apartment with a heavy heart.

He has always known Jay was never fond of him. But just because he’s grown used to Jay’s condescending tone doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. And even though he knows Jay can be a bit mean, he also knows he still has goodness inside him. Plus, the older one hasn’t rejected him yet, and as pathetic as it is, he still won’t stop openly admiring him.

That’s just how Jungwon shows his love.

Heeseung had told him before he left their apartment to toughen up and talk back whenever Jay gave him attitude, but his grandmother hadn’t raised him that way.

As he steps out of the apartment building, Jungwon makes a quiet promise to himself: he will prove to Jay that he is serious. 

That his attitude won’t shake Jungwon’s resolve. And that his feelings for Jay are far from shallow. 

No matter what Jay believes.

ꕥ

Today is Wednesday, marking their second guitar session, and Jay is confident in saying he’s not looking forward to it.

He glances at his watch. The hands read 9:10 a.m., which means Jungwon is ten minutes late.

“It’s already been ten minutes. If he’s not here in two more, I’m done.”

“Cut the kid some slack, Jay,” Heeseung says from behind the island counter. This time, he’s making himself coffee and toast. With his back turned, Jay can’t read his expression.

“Why do you keep calling him a kid?” Jay asks, irritation lacing his voice as one brow arches. “He’s literally only two years younger than us.”

“Exactly.” Heeseung finally turns to look at him, gesturing with the edge of his toast before taking a bite. “He's years younger than us, so cut him some slack and try to be nice, alright?”

Jay shakes his head and buries his face in his hands, as if that alone might calm him down.

*Ding dong*

Jay shoots Heeseung a look, silently asking if he plans to get the door for the dimpled devil. But Heeseung has already turned the sink on, washing the dishes he used, indicating that he’s clearly not opening the door anytime soon. Jay lets out yet another exhausted sigh, even though he’s barely been awake for an hour.

“Hi! I’m so sorry I’m late. The traffic was really bad,” Jungwon says as soon as Jay opens the door, slightly out of breath.

Jay raises a brow at the sight of sweat beading along Jungwon’s forehead, though it shouldn’t matter to him.

“Just take your guitar out and sit.” 

They don’t waste any time and immediately review what they covered in the previous session, along with the material Jay sent through email. Jungwon made sure to practice it beforehand, hoping to impress Jay, hoping to prove that he’s truly serious about this.

Thankfully, his efforts begin to pay off. For the first time, Jay gives him a small nod of approval.

Jungwon feels warm and fuzzy inside at the simple gesture. The indifference is still there, of course, but at least Jay nodded. Even if it was only once.

See? He knew there was a tad bit of patience for him within Jay.

“Alright, watch carefully, okay? I’m not repeating this.”

“Got it,” Jungwon replies, biting his lip to suppress a smile at the subtle shift in Jay’s tone. It sounds slightly softer than usual—at least to him.

“Try it.”

“C-can you, uh… repeat that?” Jungwon asks with a sheepish grin. His heart pounds loudly in his chest as he braces himself for Jay to snap at him.

Instead, Jay only sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose before exhaling slowly. He scoots closer to Jungwon, whose cheeks begin to turn into the same shade as his lips.

“Give me your hand.”

Jungwon nearly forgets how to breathe. His pulse quickens as Jay takes his hand and adjusts his fingers into position, forming an F barre chord. To Jay, it’s a simple, innocent correction. To Jungwon, it’s enough to send all his senses into chaos.

“Great job, Jungwon! You’re getting the hang of it!”

Jungwon turns his head when Heeseung suddenly approaches and plops down beside him on the sofa. For a second, Jungwon feels a sense of déjà vu, but the thought is immediately buried when the compliment registers in his mind.

“I’m getting the hang of it?” he repeats. “I am getting the hang of it!”

“Stay focused.”

“Yes, sorry.” Jungwon bites his lip to suppress a smile before glancing at Jay, who proceeds to demonstrate a B minor chord, oblivious to the chaos and burst of positivity on the sofa next to him. Jungwon then shares a bright-eyed look with Heeseung, lips still pressed together to hold back his grin, while Heeseung simply raises his brows and returns the same smile.

—

Jungwon swears time flies too quickly. 

Their second session ends ten minutes earlier than expected, and Jay still doesn’t verbally acknowledge his improvement, aside from that single nod earlier, which makes Jungwon pout unconsciously.

Jay, on the other hand, did notice the improvement. Jungwon is still not as good as him, but not nearly as bad as during the first session. Still, Jay would rather hug a cat, trigger his allergies, and never recover than admit that to Jungwon’s face—or to Heeseung.

“You’re really amazing, you know that?”

Jungwon breaks the silence. His guitar, now tucked inside its case, leans against the couch where Heeseung had been sitting before leaving to shower, something that made Jay roll his eyes.

“So?” Jay responds flatly.

Jungwon pouts. “Tch. Meanie.”

“I heard that.”

Jungwon watches Jay stretch his arms upward and then to the side. 

A string of curses he wants to say to Jay pops into his head, but then it’s as if his grandmother’s voice echoes in his mind: “Talk to him. Say what you feel. But always remember to do it out of love.”

“You know, I don’t really get why you hate me so much,” Jungwon begins. His eyes remain fixed on Jay, who visibly pauses mid-stretch, prompting him to continue.

“I know I followed you around like crazy since my freshman year, and I knew it annoyed you. So I stopped. I hoped you wouldn’t keep looking at me the way you still do now…”

Jay is, in fact, still staring at him with that familiar indifference. But Jungwon swears and wants to believe that his gaze softened just a little, even for a fleeting moment.

“And I really do have my reasons for wanting to learn guitar. I’m serious about this, okay? No matter how distracted I seemed,” he adds, this time staring down at his fidgeting fingers because Jay’s expression remains unreadable. “It’s just… It’s been months since I saw you up close. I couldn’t function properly, you know?”

Seeing that Jay remained blank and unfazed, he let out a small breath. 

“Anyway… yeah. I’d appreciate it if you could at least tell me why you hate me so much. So I can fix whatever it is. As long as you still let me admire you from afar, of course…” His voice grows softer with each word. “It’ll make the classes easier for both of us, don’t you think?”

Jay has to admit, he didn’t expect this. He knows Jungwon is outspoken and talkative, but he didn’t think he’d do this.

And honestly, he doesn’t know how to feel about it.

“Just stay focused and show me you’re actually serious about learning. Then I’ll think about it,” Jay says, picking up his guitar from the couch and placing it back onto the stand where it belongs, deliberately ignoring the blinding grin and wide-eyed excitement that returned to Jungwon’s face.

“Y-yes! Of course! I’ll show you! I can be serious!” Jungwon exclaims, even clenching his fists like he just watched his favorite soccer team score a winning goal.

Jay watches him for a brief second before quickly turning his head away and clearing his throat. 

He stands up and heads to the kitchen to grab himself a glass of water, pretending not to notice how his heart is beating faster than usual, how his ears feel warm, and how Jungwon’s words make him wonder, just for a fleeting moment, why anyone would endure so much hostility just to like someone like him.

As if he’s someone worth it.

ꕥ

It was a boring Friday for Jay. Well, supposedly. 

He squints as the sun’s rays attempt to blind him while he stares at the massive building in front of him, his university’s public library, standing tall and almost intimidating. 

From where he stands, he swears he can already smell the aged pages, old books, paper, and dust, judging by how ancient the exterior looks.

Jay has never set foot in the public library before. 

There’s a smaller one inside their department building, so he’s never really had a reason to come here. That explains why he’s still lingering outside, taking his time examining the structure, a booth for whatever the library needs funds for, just near the stairs, and occasionally, the students walking in and out.

It’s been two days since his last session with Jungwon, and he’s done nothing but draft a portion of his ongoing thesis, play his guitar, and rot in bed—activities that usually end with him drifting off to sleep.

He doesn’t even know why he agreed to do Heeseung a favor and pick up a book on ethics for his thesis. At the time, it seemed like a good way to cure his boredom. Now, standing frozen at the entrance like an idiot, he wishes he hadn’t agreed at all.

If the exterior looked huge, the interior is even worse.

He gulps dramatically as he scans the area, hoping to spot a librarian or some sort of reception desk so he won’t get lost in this ridiculous maze of bookshelves—and worse, earn judgmental stares from the students occupying the long tables.

Thankfully, near the entrance, he notices a counter with a boy standing behind it, back turned toward him.

Jay taps lightly on the counter to get his attention—only to let out a quiet, startled sound when the boy turns around.

“Welcome—Oh, hey, Jay!”

“Jungwon? What are you— Of course. You work here.”

“Yep! Well, I’m actually a volunteer here every Friday," Jungwon replies, a curious and innocent expression on his face. “I didn’t expect to see you here, hyung. Don’t you usually use the business building’s library instead?”

Jay is slightly taken aback that Jungwon knows that. But then again, this is the same guy who practically trailed him around since Jungwon’s freshman year. He really shouldn’t be surprised. 

Jay exhales through his nose, tapping the counter impatiently as he pulls his phone from the pocket of his varsity jacket.

“I’ll make this quick. Do you have a copy of… this ethics book?” He tilts his screen toward Jungwon, showing a photo of the book Heeseung needs. 

As he leans closer, he catches a subtle powdery scent mixed with laundry detergent, and his senses instinctively sharpen, before he quickly pulls himself together, pretending it didn’t affect him at all—that Yang Jungwon affected him for the slightest bit.

Weird.

“Let me check the catalog real quick.”

After a few seconds of loud typing, Jungwon’s face lights up with a satisfied smile. “Yep! We have it. I’ll walk you to the section.”

“No thanks. Just tell me which aisle.”

“I doubt you’ll find it. This library is pretty massive, as you can see.”

Jay hates that Jungwon is right. He will get lost. He knows it.

“…Fine.”

Jungwon flashes him a bright grin before turning to his co-worker, whom Jay hadn’t even noticed, given how hunched over he was behind the counter, and asks him to cover the desk while he assists Jay.

Eventually, Jay follows behind Jungwon. Instead of focusing on the shelves or helping search for the book, however, Jay finds himself watching the guy in front of him.

And he hates it.

He hates noticing the small things. Like how Jungwon’s soft-looking hair bounces slightly with every step, how he’s wearing the same slightly oversized pants from their last session paired with worn-out sneakers and a white polo shirt that makes him look clean and effortless, how his brows scrunch together while scanning the labels on the shelves, or how he taps his chin thoughtfully as he examines each title.

“There it is!”

Jungwon’s voice snaps Jay out of his trance as the younger rises onto his tiptoes, trying to reach the book placed on a shelf just slightly higher than he is. Jay immediately shakes his head, as if that might erase the fact that he was just observing Jungwon—the same guy he swears is irritating and annoying.

He wants to bury himself in the bushes outside the library from sheer embarrassment.

Jay clears his throat and easily reaches for the book, grabbing it while Jungwon is still tiptoeing to reach the same shelf. “I’ve got it. Thanks.”

Jay checked the book and flipped through its pages. He pulled out his phone to compare the picture of the cover with the copy in his hands. After confirming it was the correct one, he looked up, only to find Jungwon watching him with a soft gaze and a small, warm smile—just how he always does.

“...Quit staring.”

“Sorry,” Jungwon replies, though the word comes out a little softer, almost sheepish.

“Ahem. Is it always this dusty in here? How can you even work with such dust?” Jay asks, trying to redirect Jungwon’s attention to the thin layer of dust lining the top of the shelf, which Jungwon didn’t bother looking at.

“Well, it’s a huge library, and unfortunately, this particular section doesn’t get many visitors, so… yeah,” Jungwon answers casually. His dimple appears as he purses his lips and tiptoes to check the dust himself, something Jay mentally curses himself for noticing.

Jay turns on his heel, that familiar burning sensation creeping up his chest and ears, the same one he felt during their last conversation.

“Okay, you can leave now.”

“Right,” Jungwon says, crossing his arms and leaning against the bookshelf with a smug look. “I don’t think so.”

“Excuse me?”

“The chances of you getting lost are higher than the chances of you being fond of me. So no—I’m staying with you, just to make sure you don’t get lost.”

“Psh, yeah, whatever.”

Jungwon giggles at Jay’s eye roll, having learned that it usually means Jay has been proven wrong aside from simply being annoyed.

On their way back to the counter, Jay makes a silent promise not to look at Jungwon, not to notice anything else about him as he did earlier.

Back at the desk, Jungwon checks out the book and explains the borrowing rules Jay needs to remember if Heeseung wants to keep his allowance intact and avoid penalties, along with the due date for returning it.

“Yeah. Got it.”

“Alrighty!” Jay takes the book from Jungwon and turns to leave, only to hear a soft call from behind him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow!” Jay responds with a noncommittal hum.

Later, when he returns to the apartment, he tosses the book onto Heeseung’s back while the older is lying on his stomach, earning a pained groan from the older, and Jay thinks it’s well deserved.

Because if he hadn’t agreed to Heeseung’s favor, he wouldn’t have gone to the library.

He wouldn’t have run into Jungwon.

And he definitely wouldn’t have noticed all those unnecessary and unwanted little details about him.

ꕥ

“Hi!” 

“Just come on in.” 

Jungwon smiles at the fact that Jay opened the door for him for the second time.

After their interaction yesterday at the library, Jungwon felt like their relationship was slightly improving.

Sure, Jay is still the same cold, quick-reply guy, but he isn’t super impatient with him like he used to be. 

Before, Jay would just go home rather than stay in the same proximity as him. 

The fact that Jay hadn’t dismissed him yesterday kept him up all night, even waking up his older sister to help him bake three batches of chocolate chip cookies just to get himself tired, which still resulted in him getting only two hours of sleep. 

This led him to drink coffee from a local café on the way to Jay and Heeseung’s place, also explaining why he’s way more hyper and excited than usual.

Jungwon steps into the familiar apartment, a faint scent of musky men’s perfume catching his nose, which he doesn’t really pay attention to before walking toward Heeseung, who is settled on the sofa, with Jay following him toward the sofa after locking the door.

“I brought cookies for you guys!”

“Wow, thanks, Jungwon!” Heeseung grabs the jar of cookies, examining it with genuine interest and a smile. “Did you make these?”

“Yep!” he says. He was contemplating whether he should mention that his sister helped him with it, but he decided it wasn’t that important.

“Alright, alright, just sit and quit chatting,” Jay says, his grumpy expression that Jungwon is already so used to returning to his face, which makes Jungwon giggle rather than feel intimidated.

“Geez, will you always be this grumpy before you start your sessions with Jungwon?” Heeseung teases, receiving a balled-up sock to the face from Jay.

As Jungwon takes his designated spot next to Heeseung on the sofa, he pulls his guitar out of its case, which reminds Heeseung of something.

“Oh, right! Jungwon, you said you had reasons for wanting to learn how to play the guitar…”

“I do,” Jungwon replies, glancing at Heeseung before gently placing the case on the floor.

“Mind telling us why? I mean, I’m just curious,” Heeseung says, rubbing the back of his neck as he realizes he sounds oddly defensive. 

“Uh… it’s a secret,” Jungwon answers with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Jay notices it (hates that he notices it) and catches the brief flicker of sadness before Jungwon returns to his usual self, suggesting it might be a sensitive topic for him.

“Alright, alright.”

Jungwon hums in reply, and for a moment, nothing follows. Then, as if to shift the mood, his face brightens as though a light bulb has appeared above his head before picking up his bag, reaching for something inside.

“Oh, right! If you guys can, the library committee is partnering with the government for a 3-day fundraising event to donate books to other libraries in the city. One of the events is a recital performance, and I’ll be performing there! It would be really nice if you guys could come,” Jungwon says, handing out two tickets for Heeseung and Jay. Heeseung takes both, since Jay doesn’t seem like he’s going to grab his anytime soon.

That explains the posters and the booth he saw near the library entrance yesterday, Jay thinks.

“Is that why you’re learning—”

“No, that’s not the reason,” Jungwon cuts Heeseung off, giggling, as if already anticipating the question. “Anyway, it’ll be held tomorrow evening! It would be great if you guys could come…”

“Of course we will! Right, Jay?”

Jay suddenly feels like an invisible spotlight has been turned on him.

His supposed hatred tells him to say no and dismiss Jungwon’s request entirely. But the hope in the younger’s eyes makes him hesitate for the first time.

“…I’ll think about it.”

“Yay!” Jungwon exclaims. Heeseung shoots Jay a raised brow and a smirk, clearly not expecting that answer. 

“By the way, thank you so much,” Jungwon adds, facing Jay with a sincere, warm smile. “I’m already learning a lot, and I think I’ve improved since the first session.”

“You sure did, Jungwon,” Heeseung replies, patting his shoulder.

“Uh, is it okay if I use the bathroom real quick before we start?”

“Yeah, it’s just the first door on the left.”

Once the bathroom door clicks shut, Heeseung wastes no time giving Jay a teasing look, which Jay mentally rolls his eyes at.

“What now?”

“Wow. Seems like Jungwon isn’t the only one who’s improved.”

“The fuck do you mean?”

“You didn’t reply rudely to him—for once,” Heeseung points out, causing Jay’s strumming to halt.

Jay’s brows furrow as the realization sinks in. He didn’t even notice he was being decent to Jungwon. He also doesn’t see why it’s such a big deal, despite the way Heeseung is making it out to be.

“Whatever. Even if I keep being rude, it seems like he won’t stop anyway,” he mutters, strumming his guitar again. “Might as well save my energy.”

“Mhm,” Heeseung hums, unconvinced but choosing not to push further. Still, Jay’s subtle shift in how he treats Jungwon is enough for him to think that Jay might actually be trying to give Jungwon a chance and see him as a person without a trace of hatred, unaware of the brewing storm of confusion rising within Jay.

—

Jay steps out of the shower with steam still clinging to his skin, towel dragged lazily through his damp hair. He scrubs harder than necessary, as if friction alone can erase a name, specifically a name like Yang Jungwon. (It doesn’t.)

He clicks his tongue, annoyed at himself. He doesn’t even know why the dimpled devil keeps slipping into his thoughts like he pays rent there.

When Jungwon asked if he was going to the recital, Jay shrugged and said he’d think about it. Casual. Noncommittal. A perfect lie. 

The plan had been simple. Ghost him the day of, blame it on something vague like “sorry, something came up,” and then move on with his Yang Jungwon-free life.

Easy.

Except for the moment Jungwon walked out of the apartment, the idea registered itself in Jay’s head and refused to be forgotten. It followed him everywhere.

After lunch, he drove to his parents’ house to walk his cousin’s dog, Layla, since said cousin was out of state for the weekend and had entrusted him with his “very special baby.” Layla trotted happily beside him while Jay replayed the same question over and over: go or don’t go?

He was so deep in thought that he didn’t even notice Layla lifting her leg. It wasn’t until he felt something warm seep into his shoe that he blinked back into reality.

“Unbelievable,” he muttered—to the dog, to himself, to Jungwon. It was unclear.

Back at the house, his father was talking—no, scolding—about something. Jay nodded at times to appear like he was listening, but the words slid past him. He caught none of it. There was only one thing echoing in his head.

The recital.

By the time he returned to the apartment he shared with Heeseung, his brain felt wrung dry. A shower, he thought, would fix it. Showers fix everything.

But it didn’t.

Now, standing in front of the mirror, water still dripping from the ends of his hair, he stares at his own reflection. His brows are furrowed, lips pressed into a thin line. The answer should be obvious—clear as the annoyed expression staring back at him.

No.

He shouldn’t go.

He doesn’t want to go.

So why is there a small, irritatingly persistent part of him that’s curious? That wants to see how Jungwon would look on stage? That wants to know what he’d perform? What was his hidden talent?

With a heavy sigh, he lets himself fall backward onto the bed. The mattress dips and bounces beneath him as he stares up at the ceiling like it might crack open and deliver divine intervention.

Silence.

*Buzz*

His phone lights up beside him, dragging his gaze from the blank ceiling to the glowing screen. Of course. As if the universe decided his life wasn’t complicated enough already.

XXXX XXX-XX09

Hi, Jay-hyung! 

This is Jungwon :D

I’m not sure if you had my number saved already

Uh, I hope you don’t mind me asking Heeseung hyung for your number

You have set the nickname to Dimpled Devil

Jay

What do you want

Dimpled Devil

Hi hyung! 

I was just curious if you’ve made up your mind already

If, you know, you’ll go tomorrow?

Not like you’re required to, it’s just, it would be great if you could be there!

I was also too curious to wait for your answer so I asked you tonight

I’m sorry if it irritates you 😅

Jay stared at the screen, his arms stretched toward the ceiling, his phone in both hands as he read the message.

He didn’t know how long he had been reading Jungwon’s message because he himself still hadn’t reached an answer. Before he could even think, his fingers moved across the keyboard, typing a response on his behalf as if it had a mind of its own.

Jay

I can’t

My grandma got sick

And I needed to go back to my hometown for tomorrow

Sorry.

Dimpled Devil

Oh

It’s okay, hyung! 

I hope your grandma’s doing okay :<

I know how it feels like :> 

Uhm, if you need someone to talk to who’s practically a stranger

I’m always available :) 

Jay

Thanks

For the first time in his life, Jay felt horrible for lying to Jungwon. He thinks he’s a total douchebag now if not before. 

But the damage has been done. 

And it turns out, he won’t be going to Jungwon’s recital after all.

ꕥ

Jay wakes up the next morning, the day he deeply dreads. 

Jay wants to punch himself. 

He already said he wouldn’t go. 

His thinking about Jungwon should’ve stopped right then and there when he sent him that message, but his thinking of that as soon as he wakes up makes him frustrated as hell, urging him to scream into his pillow.

After pulling himself together, Jay rose from his bed like a ghost separated from its body and stepped out of his room. In the kitchen, Heeseung was preparing coffee and arranging a few slightly revived-looking biscuits on a plate. As usual, he spared Jay a glance, smirked, and poured the coffee into cups lined up on the island.

“Somebody had a rough morning.”

“Shut up.”

Heeseung chuckled, not looking at Jay as he sat at the counter. Jay accepted the cup pushed toward him but only held it between his hands, letting the warmth seep into his palms.

“What time do you think we should leave later? Parking will be hell if we get there too late.”

Jay pursed his lips, reluctant to break the news.

“Hey, uh… I’m not going.”

He watched Heeseung turn from the stove, his face scrunched in confusion.

“What? Why not?”

“I accidentally told him I couldn’t go. That I’d be out of town... or something.”

Jay expected Heeseung to scold him, to insist that he should go, to say anything that might make him change his mind. As much as it hurt his pride to admit it, he wanted to go with him. Maybe if Heeseung insisted, it would be the sign he needed to take back what he’d said and go after all.

But Heeseung just stared at him, really stared, before sighing and turning back to the stove. “Alright.”

“I—what?” Jay instinctively opened his mouth to defend himself, expecting a different answer, but stopped at the response.

“I said alright, shitface.”

Jay blinked and tugged lightly at his earlobe as if he had misheard.

“That’s… you do realize how unusual you’re being right now,” he said, earning a scoff from the older.

“Speak for yourself,” Heeseung replied with a smirk.

“What do you mean?”

“You said you accidentally told him you wouldn’t go. Keyword: accidentally. That means you didn’t intend to say it. Which means some part of you wanted to go.” Heeseung turned off the stove and set the pot of boiled eggs on the counter beside Jay, who stared at him, jaw slightly slack. Heeseung laughed at the sight. 

“But knowing you and whatever this is between you and Jungwon, you didn’t want him to think you were interested. So you said no and made up some ridiculous lie. And now you’re standing here telling me you can’t go. Am I wrong?”

Jay blinked again as Heeseung whistled, definitely confident he was right, and transferred the eggs into an ice bath. His brows furrowed. How did Heeseung know him that well?

“Look,” Heeseung sighed, peeling an egg, “if you want him to stop, then reject him. And don’t give me that excuse that 'he wouldn’t leave you alone no matter what.' I’ve never seen you actually reject him.”

“I did!”

“Yeah? From what I remember, you just told him to—”

Heeseung’s voice faded as Jay drifted into his thoughts.

‘Don’t you have better things to do?’
‘Are you a fucking leech?’
‘Just go somewhere else.’

Those were the things he usually said whenever Jungwon trailed behind him.

As if a bucket of cold water had been dumped over his head, Jay groaned. He sounded cruel. Intimidating. And still, Jungwon stayed, openly admiring him.

He wasn’t proud of how he had treated him. Jungwon was a person, after all. But what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t control his irritation. Still, he couldn’t understand why he had never simply rejected him outright, and he realizes that he, indeed, is a douche.

“I take it you’re reflecting,” Heeseung’s voice cut through his thoughts, snapping him back into his usual scowl.

“Fuck off. I don’t care about Yang Jungwon. He can cry for all I care. He’s the one who likes me,” Jay shot back, his voice rising as he transferred and dropped onto the sofa, ignoring the coffee Heeseung had made. Heeseung noted how defensive he sounded.

Jay leaned his head against the backrest, massaging the space between his brows.

It was barely morning, and he was already exhausted.

Before he could spiral again, his phone vibrated in his pocket. The ringtone echoed through the apartment.

“Jake?”

“Yo, is Heeseung using his car? If not, can you pick me up at the bus terminal? Everyone else is busy, and I’m too lazy to walk with this heavy duffel bag.”

Jay scoffed, glancing at Heeseung, who was already taking a bite of his egg. “Wow. Good morning to you, too.”

Jake snickered. “Since when did you care about good mornings?”

“I—”

“I don’t care what you’re about to say. Just pick me up in thirty. Thanks, man!”

And before Jay could even speak, the call ended.

Jay felt like tearing his hair out and throwing himself into a furnace, and Heeseung watched him let out the deepest sigh he had ever heard. Jay then turned to him with a blank expression that slowly shifted into a sweet smile, the kind that always meant trouble.

“Seung-hyung… can I borrow your car?”

—

Jay doesn’t know why he’s standing here. 

He’s in the city plaza, where the local theater is located—the same theater where Jungwon will be performing in thirty minutes.

When Jay picked Jake up a few hours ago, Jake mentioned he had plans for the evening and told Jay to come along and dress nicely. Oblivious to his cousin’s intentions, Jay agreed. 

What he didn’t expect was that those plans involved attending Jake’s boyfriend’s recital, which, unfortunately, happened to be the same one Jungwon was performing in.

The moment he saw the venue, Jay grabbed Jake’s worn-out university cap from the back seat and took a black face mask from the glove compartment, pairing them with the glasses he rarely wore.

If he was going to watch Jungwon after lying about not coming, he might as well wear a disguise so he wouldn’t look like the liar he was.

And that’s how he ended up here. Earning odd stares and whispers from passing teenagers because of how poorly his accessories matched his sleek white polo and black slacks.

“Dude, what the hell is wrong with him?” Heeseung asks, looking unusually decent, and his dark undereyes somehow disappear as he arrives with a small bouquet in hand, making Jay frown behind his mask.

“Tell me about it,” Jake says, scoffing and shaking his head at his cousin’s ridiculous behavior.

“Yo, Ja—”

“Shhh! Don’t speak of my name!”

Heeseung bursts into laughter as Jay yelps because Heeseung had bitten the finger Jay used to shush him. Jake doubles over laughing at Jay’s misfortune.

“What’s wrong with your name? What? Are you a secret agent or something?” Heeseung asks, wiping a tear from his eye as he tries to calm himself down.

“Just—just don’t call me Jay for now.”

Heeseung grins. “Alright then… Jerome.”

“Fuck off!”

Another round of laughter from Heeseung and Jake draws the attention of nearby people, making Jay wish he could disappear on the spot.

“Seriously, what’s with you? You’re acting so weird,” Jake says, clearly confused about why Jay feels the need to disguise himself like some low-budget undercover detective.

“You don’t want to ask, believe me,” Heeseung answers for him. Jay stares blankly into space while Jake responds with a hesitant, “Oookay?”

After settling down, Heeseung checks his watch, clicking his tongue as he adjusts his grip on the bouquet. “Should we head inside? People are already going in.”

“Yeah! I want to sit near the front—”

“Hell no.”

Jake groans while Heeseung snickers at Jay, who looks like he’s about to be dragged to his execution.

“As if,” Jake shoots back. “Then sit at the back if you want. I’m not ruining my relationship with Hoonie because of you.”

Jay groans as Jake walks ahead and shows his ticket at the registration booth. Heeseung follows, patting Jay on the shoulder before trailing after Jake like the traitor he is.

With no other choice, Jay sighs heavily.

“I did not sign up for this.”

—

Jungwon was good—like really good.

The entire time Jungwon performed his violin rendition, dressed in a tailored beige suit with his hair styled neatly away from his face, his features sharply accentuated under the stage lights, Jay couldn’t look away. He looked nothing like the Jungwon who showed up to their guitar sessions in sweats and a hoodie, bangs falling over his forehead. This version of him felt refined, almost untouchable, and it made Jay see him in a completely different light.

To Jay and pretty sure to everyone else in the venue, Jungwon seemed unreachable on that stage.

The way he stayed focused yet completely surrendered to the rhythm of his performance revealed how deeply he loved this. How much he loved playing before an audience. How serious he was about the violin. And how effortlessly graceful he looked while doing it.

If Jay hadn’t known him, he would’ve thought Jungwon was one of the most sophisticated men he’d ever seen—a complete contrast from the bright, overly friendly Jungwon who followed him since his second year and overshared pieces of his life with people he had just met.

Jay almost wanted to laugh.

If someone had told his past self that he’d one day be mesmerized by Jungwon playing the violin, he was certain his old self would’ve worked overtime just to afford an illegal one-way ticket to Antarctica, drown himself beneath the Antarctic Ocean, and never be seen or heard from again.

He hadn’t even realized that the one accompanying Jungwon on the piano was Jake’s boyfriend.

Jay now waits outside the plaza, leaning against his cousin’s car, letting himself drift into his thoughts. 

He shakes his head, trying to rid himself of thoughts about Jungwon, something that has become increasingly difficult lately, whether he wants to admit it or not.

Now he leans against Jake’s car parked near the entrance of the plaza, far enough to avoid the attention of casual passersby, especially at night, which Jay finds slightly concerning but chooses not to comment on since it currently works in his favor.

He forces his attention onto the people emerging from the venue. They approach Jungwon, who stands near the entrance with his usual bright smile, this time offering endless thank-yous. People shake his hand, pat his shoulders, even his head, and some let their stares linger a little longer than necessary, while Jungwon, well, acts like how he usually does.

Jay rolls his eyes. Again.

As if that wasn’t enough, Heeseung and Jake took their time before finally leaving Jungwon.

Jay watched as Jungwon grew shy when Heeseung handed him the small bouquet he’d been cradling all evening. The moment the flowers were placed in his hands, Jungwon’s cheeks flushed pink.

He had received numerous bouquets that night, yet he hadn’t blushed like this for any of the others. So what was so special about Heeseung’s supermarket flowers?

Jay didn’t know why, but he rolled his eyes again, a familiar irritation slowly creeping along his nerves once more.

ꕥ

“Good morning, Jay-hyung! Good morning, Heeseung-hyung!”

“Good morning, Yang Jungwon-ssi.”

“Tsk.” Jay scoffs, unable to stop himself from reacting to the way Heeseung’s voice suddenly shifts softer, more polite, almost adoring. “That tone doesn’t suit you.”

“What’s with him?” Heeseung mutters under his breath, brows furrowing in confusion.

This isn’t the first time Jay has been moody. In fact, Heeseung has had to deal with his moody ass almost every day since Jay’s father cut his allowance. But openly criticizing Heeseung’s tone? That’s new.

Jungwon and Heeseung exchange a look, silently searching each other for answers. They find none. Both end up shrugging.

Jungwon walks ahead and settles into his usual spot on the sofa, a place that’s starting to feel far too familiar. From there, he watches Jay attentively. Jay’s brows remain tightly drawn together as he tunes his guitar, the sharp twang of each string echoing his irritation while he prepares for today’s session.

“Hyung, how’s your grandma?”

Jay’s hand stills mid-strum.

The abrupt silence makes both Jungwon and Heeseung look at him. Jay swallows, suddenly aware of how his throat feels tight.

“She’s… doing better.”

“That’s a relief.” Jungwon exhales softly, a small smile spreading across his face. But there’s something in his eyes, a faint glint Jay can’t quite read, something deeper than simple concern. It unsettles him more than he’d like to admit.

“Yeah,” Jay replies shortly, refocusing on tuning his guitar.

The silence stretches until Heeseung clears his throat and tells them he’ll be in his room if they need anything. Jungwon responds with a warm smile, one that sets something off inside Jay.

“Are you okay, hyung? You seem… out of it,” Jungwon asks gently, noticing the subtle shift in Jay’s mood.

“I’m not.”

Jay hopes the blunt answer is enough to shut the conversation down. Jungwon only gives him a tight-lipped nod before positioning his guitar on his lap.

Truthfully, Jay isn’t convinced he’s okay either.

Like, seriously—what is going on with him?

An hour passes. Jungwon has improved drastically since their last session. He’s still a little shaky with his barre chords, his fingers struggling to press firmly enough, but the tune is finally recognizable—far better than the mess he was from the first time he tried. 

The look on Jungwon’s face, however, betrays the discomfort. His brows pinch together ever so slightly, and his lips press into a thin line each time he shifts his grip, as if he’s determined not to let the sting show.

“Do your fingers hurt?” Jay asks.

Jungwon hesitates before nodding, offering a sheepish smile.

Jay sighs and stands, walking over to the small box near his guitar stand where he keeps his ointments. He places his guitar carefully on the stand before returning to Jungwon’s side. Without much thought, he gently takes Jungwon’s hand and rests it on his own lap, applying the ointment with careful fingers.

“We can stop here for today.”

“Sorry, hyung.”

“You shouldn’t be.” Jay’s voice softens. “This is something you should be proud of. It means you’re actually serious about learning. And you’ve proven me wrong—you are taking this seriously.”

Jungwon looks at him quietly.

“Look,” Jay exhales, jaw tightening. “I know I wasn’t the best to you. And, believe me, most of the things I did were intentional. Not that I’m proud of it, but—God. This is hard.”

“Hyung, you don’t have to explain,” Jungwon says gently. “I’m sorry for annoying you. For acting like a total lovesick fool who just got struck by cupid’s arrow...”

“No, no. I should be the one apologizing.”

Jay’s hands pause slightly around Jungwon’s fingers.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t go yesterday.”

“It’s okay, hyung."

They fall into silence as Jay continues applying the ointment to his calloused fingertips, his touch gentle, so different from the indifferent, rude, and condescending persona he had worn ever since Jungwon entered his life.

And that subtle change alone makes Jungwon feel the shift in the air, pushing him to do something he already knows he’s going to regret.

“Hyung,”

“What?”

“...I like you.”

—

“Well, you look like shit.” 

Heeseung points it out teasingly as he steps out of his room, blissfully unaware of what went down in the living room while he enjoyed the best nap he’s had in months. But his smirk falters when Jay doesn’t react.

Jay remains sprawled on the sofa, the ointment still sitting uncapped on the coffee table, one leg hanging off the edge. His forearm is draped over his eyes—unusual for Jay, who would normally snap back with a sarcastic remark or an annoyed expression.

“He confessed to me,” Jay mutters, his posture unmoving.

“Really?” Heeseung asks, almost uninterested. It’s not exactly shocking that Jungwon likes the older, really. “That’s unexpected,” he adds, and this time he actually means it. “What did you say?”

Heeseung steps closer, crouching when Jay whispers something too quiet to catch, urging him to step closer and feel the difference in his friend’s demeanor—like he’s… devastatedly confused. His eyes widen, his hands lie still on his knees as the words finally leave Jay in a tired, defeated voice.

“I rejected him, hyung.”