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Being married to the crown prince who happens also to be hand of the king and protector of the realm is a true honor, especially when that man is Baelor ‘Breakspear’ Targaryen. He is a kind and honorable man who many respect, and your marriage had been arranged when you were just 16 years old and he 17 years old, it was a political move as your house is old and wealthy, having been in westeros since before the conqueror.
You and your Prince husband are now 27 and 28, and only married for 2 years, you are only now getting time to spend with your husband truly as your first year of marriage had been interrupted by the Blackfrye rebellion, a time which caused much stress and ultimately triumph for the crown.
You were sitting in the vast library of the red keep, staring out the window at birds, your ladies in waiting were sitting at your feet talking about knights or the kingsguard and who they would rather be with, you were disinterested in this topic because one, your husband is perfect even in the little time you two have had together, but secondly you can’t help but want to be those knights, strong and noble men who all praise and see as a man and question nothing about what they are. This has been a common thought for sometime, even when you were young, the desire to be a man and not questioned if you are one or not, you have never discussed this to anyone of course, you know it’s not right and you would be called mad and sent away, but still the desire to be seen as who you desire to be, the man you are inside.
Abruptly you’re shaken out of your thoughts when your ladies in waiting stand up and curtsy to the man that has just entered, your husband, the prince, Baelor, he smiles and looks at you with a softness, you smile back and with a wave of your hand dismiss your ladies who quickly scurry away and giggle, closing the library door behind them.
“They seem giddy today” Baelor says as he crosses to you and kisses your check, you near melt because how lucky are you to have gotten such a handsome and sweet husband.
“They are always giddy when seeing a future king appear” You whisper as you pull him into your chair, he laughs loudly.
“I see that i am the one in your lap today, my love?” Baelor teases as you smirk and nod, even if your legs are begging for freedom from his weight, Baelor is not fat of course but his muscle makes him quite heavy. The moment is sweet and you love these moments, because for one second he lets go the seriousness of being a future king and hand of the king.
Later on in the day, at a feast for Baelor’s youngest brother Maeker visit home with his lady wife Dyanna Dayne, their two young sons with them Young Daeron named after the King and Aerion who unlike his brown haired brother had the same silver hair as his hair, with them was also the young babe Aemon, who many were cooing over as he sat in his mothers arms, while Maeker tried to keep Daeron and Aerion under control.
You sat beside Dyanna, listening to all the ladies of the court talk about Aemon, the young babe soaking in the attention, while Dyanna smiles and tries not to look tired, you under the table squeeze her leg hoping to offer some comfort, Dyanna looks at you and smiles but softly this time.
Baelor meanwhile is playing with Daeron and Aerion who are running circles around the crown prince, Maeker is sitting on the other side of Dyanna slightly asleep, its clear that the young couple were very worn out from their children, after this observation is when you hear the comments
“I wonder when the crown prince will finally start to have children”
“It will need to be soon, a lady isn’t able to get pregnant forever”
“It is such a pity that lady D/N hasn’t yet produced an heir”
The final comment makes you tense and excuse yourself as Dyanna gives you a sad look, you leave the grand hall and walk through the corridors, trying to calm yourself and push away the comments from your brain, it’s not like its the first comment of that nature, after all you knew your duty as wife of the crown prince, but it doesn’t make the fear or horror at the idea of pregnancy and the cemented position as a woman, a lady, nothing more than a broodmare in the eyes of high society.
You eventually make your way to you and Baelors chambers, you shut the door behind you and immediately strip yourself of your dress, until you are in your underclothes. You sit down in a chair by the fireplace and stare into it, the ashes of a long dead fire are all you can see.
After a few minutes of staring in silence you gain a small courage and stand, then open Baelors closet, you run your hands over the fabric of his clothes, then you daringly take out a set of his clothes and begin to dress yourself, once dressed you find a ribbon and tie your hair back to make it look short, and with a small voice echoing from your chest you look into the mirror.
The reflection looking back at you in the mirror makes you gasp then smile, Baelors clothes are baggy on you but Gods above old and new do you want to cry from happiness, you look so much more like how you feel inside.
That happiness quickly turns into fear when you hear the door open, you quickly turn around and see Baelor standing in the doorway looking confused and slightly shocked, he steps into the room and closes the door behind him, meanwhile you are trying to take off the clothes and undo the ribbon holding back your hair.
“My love, may i ask why you are in my clothes?” Baelor asks softly like he is talking to a scared animal.
“I am sorry, i don’t know what i was doing, please don’t hurt me” You beg, remembering when your lord father found you dressed up as a boy and hurt you till you passed out.
“Love, i would never hurt you, i am just curious” There is no judgment in the soft voice of your husband and it causes your tears that had been building to fall, this makes Baelor cross the room and take you into his arms, rubbing your back as your cries fill the cold room.
It feels like hours past before your tears dry, gently Baelor pushes you away from his chest to take your face in his hands, wiping away the wetness of your cheeks, his eyes are full of curiosity and sadness.
“Please, talk to me, you do not need to be afraid of me or to talk to me, let me know you wholly so i can love every part of you” Baelor whispers as he kisses your cheek, the softness and care of the situation makes you melt, and you do want him to love you wholly, you are desperate for it, but you do not know if you can tell him the whole truth incase he is disgusted by you, or worse sends you away calling you mad.
Baelor leads you to the bed and you both sit down, side by side, his hands caressing your face. You look into his eyes and search for any hint of disgust at your appearance currently, your hair is down again but you are still partially in his clothes. You after a long silence decide that you shall tell him, because he has to be different from your father and how he reacted, you hope he will understand.
“Baelor, since i was young, i have struggled.. With my appearance, not in the normal way where i think myself ugly. I struggle in a more complicated way, i have inside always seen myself as a man.” You utter the last word in such a shaky way that you think you shall cry again. Your eyes look away from Baelor, terrified of what you will see. Baelor is quiet as he lets the word you just said set in.
“Is this why you are wearing my clothes” His voice is quiet but free of judgment and disgust, you take a big breath and nod your head.
“I guess i understand why you slightly tense anytime i or someone calls you a lady or a wife” Baelor mumbles, this makes you look up at him and gasp quietly at the fact there is such understanding in his eyes, no disgust, no hate, no judgment. He looks at you and smiles softly
“You are still the person i fell inlove with when we met, i don’t love you for your body, i love you for your personality and your talents”
“You don’t think me insane?”
Baelor laughs at that quietly and shakes his hand as he grabs the ribbon you discarded when he came in, he gently ties your hair back again and smiles.
“I doubt you are the only one in the world who feels this way, i can bet you across the sea there is plenty of people like you who had the luxury to be who they are.” Baelor replies as he kisses you, its soft and feels so full of love, immediately you return the kiss and put your arms around his shoulders, leaning into him more.
When Baelor pulls away you huff slightly having enjoyed the kiss which makes him laugh loudly this time.
“I am glad you opened up to me, my love. I hope you know that i will always love you, and support you”
“Baelor, in private can you call me Y/N, please, that’s the name i always called myself inside, and i know i can’t be wholly myself in public because of our position, but i want to be myself when its just us two” You near start to ramble to justify your request, but Baelor quickly shuts down the ramble with a quick kiss and nods.
“Of course, you can even dress however you wish when it’s just us, infact, i have an idea if your hair being so distresses you” Baelor whispers with a slight grin. You tilt your head and look curious but with a nod confirm that your hair being so long causes some distress about how you feel about your appearance.
“We can have it cut short, as short as you want it and give the excuse it’s to make your duties easier since you spend so much time around the small folk” Baelor explains and you look at him with wide eye before laughing and thinking about how scared you had been earlier.
“Who knew my husband was such a schemer”
“Anything to make my husband comfortable in his own body.”