Work Text:
Love is a loop, and he knows he’s stuck.
Lee Jihoon had thought that Kim Mingyu was the right one for him. Their dates with piggyback rides and lollipops had seemed so right. Everything had been right for him.
But Jeon Wonwoo had been not right. Jihoon had known something had been not right when Mingyu had a colleague as his phone wallpaper. And then as his most contacted number. And then as the one he had kissed that night on the couch where he had held Jihoon all the nights before.
Jihoon had not been mad. He had been sad, of course he had, but he had not been mad, for he had figured Mingyu had been just another part of the loop he had gone through countless times before. And so, he had hoped that, if the loop were real, another would come.
Kwon Soonyoung came.
Soonyoung was a professional choreographer, renowned and successful at the age of 25. In a way, Soonyoung was so much like him – a young but well-known producer. And yet they were so different in many other ways. At first, Jihoon was surprised by how much they clicked, and then, he would laugh bitterly because Soonyoung was just another part of the loop. Nonetheless, a beautiful part.
Kwon Soonyoung was nothing like Lee Jihoon, from the way he could casually make jokes no one would ever understand, to how he was always so loud and active, how he seemed to live without a care. Jihoon never liked the choreographer from all the impressions that he had got, but Soonyoung came into his life like a gentle breeze in a stifling summer day, fresh and soothing, brief, and leaves one wanting for more. They first met through a mutual client, and Jihoon never expected himself to love the way Soonyoung would always work with a positive, if not too cheerful, attitude, despite all the hardship they underwent. Kwon Soonyoung was different from all his workers, and he was envious of the older. He would find himself staring at the choreographer in much question, wondering how such a person could exist in the turbulence called life. Curiosity and envy got Jihoon craving for Soonyoung’s presence.
Jihoon had quickly moved on from Mingyu, and was not afraid to fall in love again. ‘After all, it’s just a loop, so why not?’ – he had thought. ‘You love, you get hurt, you need healing. Then it’s love again’. So he had given himself to a number of men: fellow co-workers, strangers that he had met in clubs, old friends that he had happened to run into after years; he had lost count. Soonyoung was one of them. They were staying behind to work extra hours, Soonyoung was in his sweatpants, shirtless and sweaty after a dancing session, and he was with Jihoon in a small studio, completing the beat they’d been working on. Jihoon found it inevitable, and expected Soonyoung to have left, to never see the taller again, to brush him off as one of his casual flings. But when he woke up the morning after to find himself pressed up against a broad chest with an arm hugging him close, his heart skipped a beat. And when that arm tightened around his waist as he tried to get up, he knew he was screwed. He fell.
Soonyoung became his favourite partner, the one whose steps he thought were perfect for his beats, the one whose optimism would cancel out all his pessimism, the one he had learned to appreciate more than anyone else, the one he was in love with.
Jihoon confessed during one of their nights. It was the common ‘I’m tired of this’ and ‘I love you’, and Soonyoung’s small kisses in between, and a quick ‘Yes’ breathed out before lips were connected again. He thought the confession was silly and the timing was wrong, but it was a happy ending that night for Jihoon. All was well.
Soonyoung asked Jihoon after that, if he only fell because of, as the taller liked to claim, the ‘amazing’ sex they had had that night in the studio. Jihoon would smack the older’s head with a scoff, and without an answer. They both knew it was not that bland. Jihoon loved Soonyoung with all that his heart could offer, and he got back no less. They were the ultimate duo, the producer and his choreographer. They were each others’ perfect halves.
Soonyoung’s piggyback rides were Jihoon’s favourite. The lollipops they shared were the sweetest. They moved in together, and waking up with Soonyoung’s kisses had become a routine for Jihoon.
There were fights in between. There were moments when they could have broken. Jihoon would cry a few times and Soonyoung’s knuckles would hurt from punching the wall – it was unavoidable as they were entirely different. But the fights were all because they were so deep in love.
Jihoon felt the safest in Soonyoung’s arms. Soonyoung felt the warmest in Jihoon’s hugs. They were there for each other, it had been years, and it felt like nothing could go wrong. For a while, Jihoon forgot about the loop.
But Soonyoung was just another part of the loop called love, Jihoon soon realised. Fate took Kwon Soonyoung away from Lee Jihoon on a rainy day. Soonyoung was driving them both home, and the last thing Jihoon could remember was a flash of light, before he woke up in a hospital room. And when he came back home a few days after, their room was empty. Of course it would be.
‘Lee Jihoon, will you be mine?’
Lee Jihoon is now 32, and he has missed Kwon Soonyoung’s presence for two years. He’s decided that he should move on, because a loop is a loop, and it won’t stop until you stop – or die. Choi Seungcheol has been his consolation, his brother, his best friend. He thinks of Soonyoung, of the choreographer’s smile, of the hugs and kisses they shared. He nods, because.
Love is a loop, and he cannot escape.