Chapter Text
CHAPTER 1
Lucy woke up with a pain in her chest. The same pain that had been frustratingly present since her and Keira had called it quits 4 months ago. It was like her body betrayed her every morning, waking up still groggy and sleep stricken, swinging her arm to the other side of the bed to find it empty. No warmth of another body waiting to be snuggled into.
Every morning
It hit her in the chest like a ton of bricks, the reminder that she was alone, that they had failed. She pulled her hand across her face trying to rub away the memories, the sting of the final morning still ever present
---
Keira’s clothed back was turned away from Lucy, unusually tense and rigid, that's how Lucy could tell she was awake, was waiting. Lucy couldn't help herself, she let her hand reach over and stroke across Keiras shoulder blades down to the small of her back and began to rub soothing circles. The fabric bunched around her hand, this was new, Keira wearing PJs to bed, the whole 7 years of their relationship she had complained about how uncomfortable they were, how she couldn't sleep if she was restricted by clothes. And yet here she was fully clothed, Lucy couldn't help bit feel like it was just another way of shutting her out, the thought mad her want to cry.
Slowly she slipped her hand under the fabric and wound her arm around Keiras waist, shuffling forward so her front was flush against her back. She couldn't stop herself, this need to be close, to feel her partner there. Lucy used to believe that if she had Keira next to her she could tackle any difficult thing in her life, she never suspected that one day Keira would be the problem.
Lucy snugged closer letting her face press into the curve of Keira neck, inhaling deeply, that soft vanilla smell that was so fucking familiar. For the past 3 weeks they had agreed that Lucy would sleep in the spare room until it was time for her to move out, they agreed it would make everything easier. But last night, Lucy final night in their shared house, sleep evaded her and she found herself padding along the corridor and slipping into bed with Keira. Keira had sighed and then cried and Lucy had fallen asleep cradling her, strong arms protecting her one final time.
“Lucy” Keira whispered
Lucy knew she shouldn't be doing this, that it was only going to make the morning harder but she couldn't stop, so instead of letting go she pressed against her harder.
“Lucy, please” Keira said, this time with more force and Lucy could feel her own tears start to escape her eyes. Keira turned in her arms so they were face to face and regarded her carefully, Lucy could only imagine what a state she looked, tear stained and grief stricken. Slowly Kiera brought her hands up to wipe at the fallen tears. The moment was so gentle, was so perfect it almost made Lucy want to start begging. To try and fix this, to go back to what they were. But deep down she knew there was nothing to fix, they simply weren't happy anymore, they were different people who needed different things.
Lucy used to think people were lying when they said love isn't always enough. But she understood now, crying in arms of the woman she loved, knowing she would willingly rip out her own heart for Keira, would do anything for her. But still she also knew she would get up at some point, would pack her bags and would leave. What cruelty that is, to love someone so much you know you have to leave.
“Lucy” Keira tried again and all Lucy could do was sniffle in response. It broke Keiras heart to see Lucy like this, her strong Lucy who she had only seen cry a handful of times, usually on a football pitch. Her Lucy who was always so composed, so put together crying softy against her palms.
“Oh my girl” Keira sighed and Lucy swore you could hear her heart break.
“M’sorry” Lucy managed to hiccup out “It just all feels very real now, doesn't it”
“yeah” Keira breathed, still running her fingers lightly along Lucy cheeks
They looked at each other for a while, silence broken only by the occasionally sniffle. Lucy tried to dedicate each part of her face to memory, the crinkle in her brow, the small freckles that adorned her cheeks from the summer just passed. The way her bottom lip trembled slightly as she attempted to blink the tears out of her own eyes. She was perfect. She was perfect and no longer Lucys
Lucy knew she had to say something, anything to let Keira know how much she meant to her. The past few weeks had been tense, they had slipped past each other sharing minimal words, disagreements that would usually end at bickering had turned to full on fights and Lucy can't think of a time she's ever felt so alone. She knew it wasn't their fault, living with your ex for 3 weeks and seeing them at training everyday was never going to be easy, but Lucy hated how they'd fallen into nastiness. She knew why they done it, because it was easier to be angry than to admit how sad the situation was.
“I love you” Lucy choked out and she watched as tears immediately sprung to Keiras eyes.
“I know” Keira whispered “I love you too. So much”
Lucy turned her head into Keiras hand and kissed her palm softly. She took a deep breath trying to find the words, but Keira beat her to it.
“You’re my family, you always will be”
All Lucy could do was nod in agreement. It was true. Lucy could feel sob rising in her throat and she managed to squeak out “This hurts so fucking much.”
Keira looked broken and Lucy felt broken and the worst part was they knew they didn't get to put each other back together. Lucy peered into those grey eyes and brought her hands up to cup Keiras face, softly stroking her wet cheeks.
They held each other until Lucy shifted forward and kissed her.
It was soft and warm and salty with their tears and when Keira sighed against her lips it felt like coming home. They hadn't kissed in 3 weeks and Lucy knew that this was probably the last one they would ever share. That was the thought that ended the kiss as the sob finally bubbled out of Lucy throat forcing her to pull her lips away and she collapsed into Keira neck.
Lucy didn't know how long they held each other, but finally the crying eased and their breathing returned to normal and weight of the day found home again in their chests. She shifted out of the embrace and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Keiras ear.
“I need to get going” Lucy sighed and Keira simply nodded. She leant forward and pressed a final kiss to Keiras head, trying to convey as much emotion as she could, before pulling back and leaving the room as if shed never been there in the first place
4 hours later Lucy was on a flight to Barcelona, with stinging cheeks, waiting on a ‘fly safe’ text that never came.