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In the first few months of living in the cabin with Hopper, she eats everything she can find. So much so, that Hopper sits her down and explains to her the importance of portion control, a balanced diet, and setting limits. She’s frustrated at first, as food was always highly regulated in the lab, her meals delivered to her on metal trays. She never had the opportunity to choose what she ate or when she ate it.
Hopper teases her about her affinity for triple decker Eggo extravaganzas, marveling in her ability to eat the entire plateful and still asking him for something else afterwards.
“You are insatiable,” he tells her one day, teaching her that this word means a hunger that cannot be fulfilled, no matter how much she eats.
She learns over time, as her access to food transfers from insecure to secure, that she doesn’t need to gorge herself to feel full or safe, that she can take her time and figure out what she enjoys and what energizes her. And even though she never feels entirely at ease, with the Mind Flayer, Vecna, and the Upside Down looming and ever-present, having her basic needs finally met allows her to open herself up to other thoughts and feelings, the most pressing one being the dark haired boy she met in the woods the night she escaped from the lab.
Mike.
At first, it’s only his time that she craves. Quiet moments carved out of chaos, the two of them sitting together on her bed, kissing, talking, and just being together. She hates it when he leaves her to go home or to attend school. She misses the sound of his voice, his laugh, and the way his face always lights up when he sees her. She wants nothing more than to stay in his orbit, his presence a balm to her battered soul.
If only the universe didn’t feel the need to repeatedly tear them apart.
It’s in the time period between returning from Lenora and the final battle with Vecna that she begins to feel a shift within herself. A feeling born despite separation and trauma, heightening all of her senses when it comes to Mike. Their kisses grow deeper, their touches more intense. She never feels like she can get close enough to him. There isn’t enough time or space to be with him, their overriding concern always their survival and the unanswerable question of what happens next.
She and Mike isolate tiny moments of time to be together. Sneaking out through the tunnels to hidden spots throughout town. Waiting for Hopper to leave for work. Finding the nights when the rest of their friends are too busy to notice them moving together on the couch in the basement of the Squawk.
And still, it is never enough.
Their friends tease them about being horny teenagers, attributing their behavior to surging hormones and curiosity, but El knows it goes way deeper than that. She thinks maybe it’s because she and Mike have never been able to just be together, without obstacles, fear of separation, or even death.
And then the worst moment of her life happens.
Hers and Kali’s plan moves forward, the next years of her life spent running, rebuilding, and slowly learning how to exist without fear. Her ever-present feelings for Mike are strong and steady in the foundations of her sense of self. She never stops hoping that one day they’ll be able to be together again.
Seven years later, it happens.
From the second she sees him again, those feelings return full force like an avalanche, stronger and sharper than ever before. She needs him in her sight at all times, needs his skin against hers, needs to breathe the same air as him. Their first weeks reunited are full of highs and lows as they reacquaint these newer, older versions of themselves to each other. They fight, and make love, and argue again. Pushing, and pulling, and tugging until the only thing left is just him and her.
She thinks this feeling she can’t shake will abate, will lessen over time, but it only grows stronger.
He visits her at work most days, sitting at a table in the small coffee shop area of the bookstore where she works, typing on his laptop or scribbling in one of his many notebooks, his brow furrowed in concentration while he writes. She has a view of his table from the checkout counter where she spends most of her shifts. And today, like most days, she can’t seem to take her eyes off him.
His brown eyes are focused on his laptop screen, pupils tracking back and forth as he proofreads, one hand operating the mouse, the other lifting a chocolate croissant to his mouth to take a bite. A bit of chocolate melts on his lower lip, and she watches intently as his tongue peeks out, swiping it in a way that appears overly sensual for such a public place, at least to her.
Her heart begins pounding, her body flushing with heat. Her hands twitch at her sides, her need for him palpable. As if sensing her distress, he looks up at her, his handsome face splitting into a smile when he sees she’s already fully attuned to his presence, and mouths, “I love you,” to her. He winks, then turns his attention back to his work.
Holy shit.
She gathers her long hair off the back of her neck, winding it into a makeshift ponytail, the room suddenly overwhelming hot. She fans herself with her free hand, her friend Anna shooting her a puzzled look as she approaches.
“Doing ok there, Ella?” she asks.
“It’s just,” El pauses, her eyes darting inconspicuously to Mike for a beat, “Really hot in here.”
“Is it?” Anna asks, giving her a knowing smile before elbowing her playfully in the side and giggling before returning to her work.
What is happening to her?
She looks back over at Mike, who decides in this exact moment to run his free hand through his hair in an attempt to brush it out of his face.
Fuck.
She presses her hands on either side of her face, trying to will the thoughts away, but nothing works. She wants to rush to him, push the table out of the way, and straddle him in a way that would certainly get her fired from her job. Pure, unadulterated lust courses through her, her chest heaving with unsteady breaths.
Mike looks up at her again, this time standing up from his chair and walking over to her. He keeps his expression and tone neutral as he lowers his lips to her ear and whispers, “Hey, you want to get out of here?”
She shivers in response, shouting to Anna that she’s taking her break, before taking Mike’s hand and nearly dragging him to the store’s exit. They’re barely out the door before she’s pressing him against the exterior brick wall, standing on her toes, and kissing him senseless.
“Oh, thank God,” he breathes into her mouth, as if he were just as starved for her as she is for him. He groans as her kisses grow desperate, pulling away reluctantly and leaning his forehead against hers as they try to catch their breaths. She can see the wheels turning in his head as he contemplates his next move, her thoughts centered only on him.
“Come with me,” he finally says between clenched teeth, taking her by the hand and running in the direction of home. He doesn’t stop to look at her, his eyes fixed only on their destination. The locked door swings open at their approach, and they move swiftly inside as it slams behind them. His body collides with hers and she nearly climbs him in an effort to get closer to him, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. He carries her to the bed, their hands eagerly removing items of clothing in their haste.
“Fuck, El, I can’t--,” he’s cut off by her lips on his. They tumble onto the mattress together, unbridled passion and need coursing through them as he enters her without preamble or hesitation. She’s clutching at him desperately, nails clawing at his skin, trying to pull him even closer.
He grunts in response as she flips them over, freeing their hands to explore and caress every inch of skin within their reach. It isn’t long before they’re both shaking, reaching their peaks, too keyed up to last very long. She collapses on top of him, breathing hard, her racing heartrate matching his.
“What was that?” he finally asks, still out of breath. “Not that I’m complaining. Because I’m really, really not.”
She rolls off him onto her side, propping herself up with her elbow to look at him, her free hand tracing over the flat plane of his chest and stomach. “I needed you,” she replies simply, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“I always need you, too,” he clarifies, “But I could feel you from across the room. God, El. I couldn’t even think straight.”
“Me neither,” she responds. She lays her head on his chest. “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”
"What do you mean?” he asks.
“I feel like,” she pauses, struggling to find the words, “Like it’s never enough. The way I feel about you. I just want you, all the time.”
She feels him release a deep breath, licking his lips before he says, “I want you all the time, too. God, you have no idea. It’s all I think about.”
“It is?” she leans up, surprise.
“Yes, of course,” he returns. “How could I not?”
Her eyes study his, a look of confusion on her face until he continues. “When we were younger, I thought it was because we were teenagers and that’s how teenagers are, and I was so in love with you. And now, it’s like everything is infinitely magnified, because we missed years together. I never want to miss another second with you, El.”
He pulls her in for a kiss and she can already feel heat pooling low in her abdomen. She grips the back of his head, pulling his mouth to hers in a searing kiss.
“I may be an idiot for saying this,” he murmurs into her lips, “But don’t you need to go back to work?”
“Yes,” she mumbles, “But I need you more.”
And because he’s a brilliant man, he doesn’t protest again.
She returns to her shift a minute late, leaving Mike behind at the house, too ravished and tangled in the sheets to follow her immediately. She smiles knowingly to herself as she leans against the checkout counter, unable to stop the blush on her cheeks.
“Did you enjoy your break?” Anna asks, raising an eyebrow at her and smirking.
“I really did!” El replies brightly. Anna just shakes her head at her and keeps working, moving behind the counter to collect the stack of returned items for reshelving. El turns to her. “Anna? Can I ask you something?” she asks shyly.
“Of course,” Anna replies.
“When you had a boyfriend did you feel,” she hesitates, “Like you couldn’t get enough of him. Like it will never be enough?”
Anna looks at her friend seriously, all teasing gone from her expression. “Yes and no,” she answers. “At first when it’s new and exciting, yes. But after we’d been together for a while, it sort of balanced itself out. Like, you learn how to manage those feelings better.”
“Mike and I have been together since we were twelve,” El says. “And even when we were apart, he was still with me.”
“Are you asking me if your relationship is normal?” Anna wonders, and El nods. “No, it isn’t, in the best way possible.”
“What do you mean? Is there something wrong with wanting Mike like this?” El asks.
Anna laughs, “Not at all! In fact, I think everyone is jealous of what you two have together, I know I am.”
Mike chooses this exact moment to return to the store, giving El a quick kiss on her forehead as he passes. She feels it again, the heart rate increasing, skin flushing, surge of awareness at his presence, the connection between them tangible.
Electricity crackles between them, her stomach swooping when he turns and gives her his trademark lopsided smile, as if he can read her mind.
Her stomach rumbles, a reminder that she never actually ate lunch on her break. She rushes to her locker, grabbing a granola bar out of her lunchbox before quickly returning to the counter. She devours it, feeling it settle in her stomach and temporarily satisfy her disgruntled stomach.
She glances back over at Mike, her eyes tracing over the way his shoulders fill out his deep blue sweater, his kissable lips pouting at whatever sentence he’s just typed, his long fingers tapping the keys impatiently, and she knows her hunger for him will never be sated.
She is insatiable.