Work Text:
1
The summer before the start of elementary school was the earliest Martin could date back the first time that feeling welled in his chest. He’d been sitting on the edge of the playground, arranging rocks in little circles and listening to the other kids play tag.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to play with them, he just couldn’t be bothered to ask if he could, too absorbed in his own world. That was when you appeared.
He’d been hovering another rock at the edge of another pattern that was supposed to become a flower shape. Just as he’d found the perfect spot for the striped stone a small pair of shoes came into his line of vision, toeing just at the edge of his creation.
You’d stood so carefully on the outside of his art pieces, staring in wonderment at the swirls and patterns of small stones that made shapes laid out on the ground.
Martin looked up, surprised to see that another kid had come over, let alone that they’d be careful enough not to wreck his rock art. You grinned, showcasing a gap between your teeth and the brightest eyes that sparkled with life.
“Do you like flowers too?” You asked, glancing back down at the rocks. Martin blinked, caught off guard by the question. “Um… I guess so?” He wasn’t sure how to answer the question, unused to other kids approaching him first. Though—unknown to Martin—that would eventually change, the only thing he knew in that moment was how excited you’d suddenly looked.
“Do you know how to make flower crowns?” When Martin shook his head, you bounced on your heels and reached down to grab his hand. “I can teach you! Come on!”
The next thing Martin knew, he was seated next to you under the big oak tree across from the playground, twisting little white and pink flowers into a ring. “These ones are daisies, they’re one of my favorites.” You explained amongst other rambling while showing Martin how to connect the two ends of flower rope together.
“My mom said they’re supposed to mean friendship and love or something like that. Do you have a favorite flower?” You looked up from your work, waiting patiently for his answer. Martin blinked dumbly, having caught himself staring at your wide smile as you talked.
“Mine are… daisies too.” That was a lie, Martin had never given flowers more of a thought than how nice they looked on the kitchen table when his mother set them out, or how they smelled in early spring. But in that moment, Martin decided that anything you liked was obviously good enough to be his favorite too.
The feeling appeared then, nestling into the bottom of his chest like a small seed, your smile the sunshine that breathed life into it. He didn’t have a name for it yet, all he knew was that he kinda liked how warm it made him feel. It was almost like when his mom tucked him into bed for the night, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. Or when his dad told him stories of knights and castles and valiant battles.
Maybe you were a princess. That would explain why the sunshine seemed to bend just right to sparkle off your eyes. Or how the breeze picked up then, swishing the grass in a soft sigh just for you.
Did that make Martin your knight? He kinda liked that thought. Maybe you could go on adventures together, he could fight off anything that ever tried to dim your light, and you could teach him more new things.
He liked sitting in the grass, he liked twisting flowers together, he liked your company. Martin liked you.
2
Elementary school graduation was supposed to be exciting, and it had been, at least… in the weeks leading up to it. About two days before the graduation Martin found out that after the ceremony and everything was wrapped up, you’d be moving away.
Martin’s ice cream froze partway to his mouth, dripping onto the sidewalk you were sitting on outside the convenience store. The news was a shock to say the least. You’d been friends ever since that day in the park, and by coincidence had found yourselves in the same class once you started school.
“I’m sorry Martin…” you sighed, leaning into his shoulder, “I wish I could’ve told you sooner, but I only just found out yesterday. My dad ended up getting a job in Busan so now I’ve gotta move. It’s so far! You’ll call every day right?”
Martin could only nod, still absorbing this information. Finding out your best friend of six years was moving to the other side of the country was difficult to comprehend. From as far back as the age of five you’d been just a block away. All he’d ever had to do was show up on your doorstep with a ball or book in his hand. The door would open to reveal your bright smile and he could spend the day basking in your company. But now?
“…I’ll miss you.” He finally spoke, eyes earnest. “Stop that! Gah! You’re gonna make me cry or whatever.” You lightly shoved his shoulder, smile a little watery. It reminded Martin of those sun showers that happened sometimes in the spring. When the rain fell from invisible clouds and the sun reflected off each individual droplet as if it were raining gold. Just as beautiful as any gorgeous sunny day but also kind of… melancholy in a way.
“I’ll miss you too, you know.” You said softly, leaning back against him and resting your head on his shoulder. The contact caused that feeling to flare in his chest again, this time twisting with a feeling of longing, as if he already did miss you.
That same afternoon, after you’d parted ways, Martin found himself walking quietly up the stairs toward his room when he heard his sister’s voice from behind her closed door. He paused, surprised to find her home so soon on a weekday. Normally she’d be hanging out with her friends after school.
Upon stopping, Martin caught the middle of a conversation she was obviously having over the phone with a friend. “-it was so cute too! I wish we had traditions like that here too. Could you imagine? You’re about to graduate from school, and your crush stops you and rips the button off his uniform and hands it to you! That’s soo romantic.”
Romantic? Buttons? Martin didn’t really understand, but something about the scenario sounded appealing. He ran the rest of the way up the stairs to his room, slamming open his laptop and immediately inputting what information he knew.
A bunch of results popped up and he clicked on the first one. In Japanese culture, it’s a common tradition for boys to give the second button of their uniform (traditionally a gakuran) to ‘their most treasured person’ as a confession of love. The second button is closest to their heart, meaning the button is used as a symbol of giving that person their heart. The tradition is believed to have originated during…
Well, this wasn’t Japan, but Martin couldn’t help but consider the gesture as a possibility. He’d figured out the meaning behind his feelings around fourth grade, so why not use graduation as an excuse to confess? Nervousness balled in his stomach at the same time his heart gave a flutter.
Without another thought, he pulled his uniform from the closet and laid it out on his bed. The fabric had been pressed free of wrinkles, crisp and fresh from the laundry for the graduation ceremony. Grabbing the scissors from his desk, he pulled the button away from the fabric of his blazer and snipped. Sighing in relief when he didn’t cut a hole into his uniform, he tucked the button into the breast pocket and hung the uniform back up.
Two days later Martin found himself sitting next to you as the principal droned on about how exciting middle school would be, and how all of the students should prepare themselves for the new school year. The whole time Martin could feel the button burning a hole through his pocket and straight into his chest.
He was so absorbed in the thought of it that he nearly jumped out of his skin when you suddenly spoke in a hushed whisper from next to him. “This is so boring, Mr. Kim will be lucky if any of us even make it out of here alive so we can get to middle school.” You grinned that beautiful sunshine smile and Martin’s heart caught in his throat.
“Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask, what happened to your blazer? Where did the button go?” You questioned, sincerely curious. Martin’s voice got stuck behind his heart. “Ah… I think it came off in the wash or something. I didn’t get a chance to fix it…” the button seemed to burn even more defiantly in his pocket, but he continued to ignore it.
The ceremony finally came to an end and everyone started packing up to go, a few families taking pictures on the lawn together. “So…” you sidled up next to Martin once you were done getting your picture taken, “I guess this is it huh?”
“Guess so.” Martin nodded, doing his best not to look like a kicked puppy. I know we already said this, but I will miss you, you know.” You sighed, wrapping your arms around him and tucking your head under his chin. This only reminded Martin of how long you’d known each other, when you’d met you were around the same height, now he was much taller.
He hugged you back, doing his best to ignore how close you were to the button in his pocket. Everything in him screamed to step back and pull it out. Offer his heart to you even if you didn’t know that’s what it was. But… he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
A few more goodbyes later and he watched you crawl into the back of your family car, a few things already packed into it. He waved, you waved back, and that was the last time he saw you.
Martin arrived back home that evening with a heavy pocket and an even heavier heart. He sat on his bed, staring at the ceiling for a minute before rolling onto the floor with a thud. He lay there, feeling everything and nothing at once before pulling the little grey button out of his pocket and staring at it.
He reached blindly under his bed, fumbling around a little until his hand made contact with a little wooden box. He pulled it out, opening the top to reveal all his little treasures. A shiny rock, notes you’d passed in class, a friendship bracelet you made him, a popsicle stick from when you’d both won a figurine in a draw, and most importantly, a ring of pressed dried flowers. The colors were faded, but familiar.
Martin ran his fingers over the delicate petals and gently set the button in the middle of the circlet of daisies. Maybe next time.
3
Middle school was going by in a blur and Martin suddenly found himself very popular among his classmates. Whether it be his height or that he was finally starting to grow into himself. His voice was starting to get deeper, cracking occasionally, and he’d continued to grow taller and taller.
Along the way he’d managed to make a few friends. Juhoon was quiet but smart, the ‘brain of the group’ and in the same class as Martin. Keonho and Seonghyeon were a year below him, and easily the most chaotic pair he’d ever met. James had been his upperclassman when he’d first arrived at the middle school, helping himself and Juhoon settle in.
Definitely the dad of the group, and everyone had no issue with teasing him about that. Now that James was in high school, they all hung out in the afternoon in a park between their schools.
Martin’s days were a mix of homework, his new friends, his newfound passion for music, and his favorite thing: getting to talk to you.
It was late afternoon in march, Martin’s birthday to be exact, and he’d just left after hanging out with the guys. His mom had told him there was a letter on the table for him when he got home, and he’d immediately known what it was.
He picked up the orange envelope, turning it over in his hands. His name was written on the front in your messy handwriting, just another part of you that he found endearing. Martin took the envelope up to his room, quelling the giddy excitement that tried to bloom in his chest.
Once the door was closed he sat on his bed and carefully peeled open the seal. Upon removing the card, a few things fell out, a piece of paper and a keychain with what looked like a miniature dj set. He placed those things to the side and opened the card.
Happy birthday Martin!
Hope you have a good day! Eat lots of cake for me okay? Don’t forget to make a wish when you blow out the candles and tell me what it is! I wished to be able to hang out again on my last birthday.
I know what you’re thinking. But birthday wish rules don’t apply to us because we’re best friends, I don’t make the rules. Anyway, have fun! And tell me more about your hangouts with the guys! It makes me feel like I’m there with you. :)
Martin sighed, reading over the card a second time before setting it aside and picking up the keychain next. He was correct in his assumption of it being a dj set… with googly eyes. It was kinda corny, but cute, and from you, that meant everything. He swung the keychain on his finger and picked up the last piece of paper.
For Martin
I seen this keychain in a gacha machine and immediately thought of you so I absolutely had to get it. It took me… way too many tries. His name is DJ (creative I know) and he’s our son now, so take care of him until I can be there too, okay?
Love, dj’s other parent
Martin snorted, bringing the keychain up to eye level and swinging it on his finger before getting up and clipping it onto his school bag. Next, the birthday card went into his top dresser drawer with all the others you’d sent for every holiday, and the note went into the box under his bed, right next to the button and flower crown.
He smiled and picked up his phone, opening his chat history with you.
Martin
Thanks for the card and stuff
The keychain is cute
I’ll make sure to take care of him ;)
You
No need to thank me :)
And dj is our son remember?
Better take care of him or he’ll tell on you
Martin
Oh will he?
And I thought my secret was safe
You
…?
Wait Martin what secret (ㅎㅁㅎ)
Martiiiiiinnnn
You’re supposed to tell me things (-_-)ㅗ
Martin
It’s nothing lmao
….
Do you really wanna know?
You
Uh, duh?!
Of course I do 🙄
I’m still probably one of the nosiest people you’ve ever met
Martin paused for a second, back reading your messages and considering his options before beginning to type.
Martin
I think I lo-
Delete delete DELETE
Martin
I like y-
Deleted
Martin
I think I fell in love with you the moment our eyes met-
Ew. Cringe. Delete!
Martin
I wanted to tell you-
Delete. Delete. Deleted.
Sighing deeply, he gave up, typing something much simpler and not friendship ruining.
Martin
I wished for the same thing you did
I wanna hang out again :3
You
Awww
Tintin 💕
Why was this your big secret 😭
Anyway
I miss you lots
My moms calling tho
So I gotta go :\
Martin
Ok
Talk to you later (o3o)
Martin groaned, shoving his face into a pillow in hopes of suffocating the embarrassment that was most likely causing his face to glow. After a few moments of brief consideration, he lifted his face from his pillow and switched to the group chat.
Martin
Guys
Help
I did it again
It only took a minute or two before his phone went off with the replies.
Keonho
Ha
Loser
Juhoon
Again?
Seonghyeon
How can one person be so dense
And yet you still haven’t told them
Juhoon
I dunno
You tell me
Seonghyeon
…
🖕
Keonho
??
James
Seonghyeon is right tho
We’ve never actually met this person and yet…
Actually nevermind
This is pretty entertaining
Martin
You guys are absolutely no help at all
You suck
Keonho
That’s homophobic
Martin
I can’t be homophobic
I’m bi 🙄
Seonghyeon
Bi yourself maybe
Juhoon
Thats not-
James
Lmfao 💀
Martin
I hate it here
Why do I even hang out with you guys
ㅎ_ㅎ
James
Okay okay
In all seriousness
I’m sure if you just told them it’ll work out
The worst they could say is no
Juhoon
Famous last words
Martin
There is no way you just said that to me
Seonghyeon
ThE wOrSt ThEy CaN sAy Is No
Martin
At least one other person here understands my worries 😔
Keonho
Who? 🤨
Seonghyeon
…
Juhoon
👁️👄👁️
James
👀
Martin
Anyway
They got me a keychain for my birthday 😭
And now it’s our son 😭😭
We’re co-parents and I still can’t do anything 😭😭😭
James
That’s…
Seonghyeon
Kinda sweet?
Keonho
Kinda sad 💀
Juhoon
Are you the mom or the dad?
James
Good question
Do tell
Martin
I can’t trust you guys to be serious for five seconds can I -_-
4
The high school entrance ceremony was long and boring, but that somehow didn’t seem to squash the excitement in Martin’s chest. Excitement created not by the start of a new chapter in life—though that did play a part—but by you.
In Martin’s opinion the ceremony had lasted way too long and as soon as it concluded he’d stood from his seat so quickly it nearly flew into the person sitting behind him. Sending a quick apology in their direction, he pushed his way through the crowd and out the doors.
The sun was bright, nearly blinding Martin as he found a spot to sit on the lawn to wait for Juhoon. He dug around in his pocket for his phone, pulling it out and opening his messaging app to reread your last conversation.
You
Happy first day of school 🥳
Actually I’m lying
Booooo
School sucks ㅜ_ㅜ
Martin
Boooo
👎
Anyway you wanted to tell me something yesterday?
You
Oh right!
I have a surprise for you (•w•ㅅ)
Martin
An exciting surprise
Or an “I should be really scared” surprise?
You
I’m offended you’d even consider that second one an option 😒
An exciting one obviously 🙄
Martin
Well then :3
What is it?
You
I can’t tell you or it won’t be a surprise
Martin
Booo 👎
Tomato tomato 🍅
You
I’ll tell you after your entrance ceremony later okay?🙂↔️
Martin
…
I suppose that’s fine 😒
You
Good :3
Talk to you later Tintin 💕
Ok, maybe he’d read it more than twice while sitting there, but who was going to know? During his third or fourth read (he’d lost count) he heard Juhoon’s voice suddenly speak up next to him, “Whipped.”
Martin’s head snapped up, he’d nearly jumped out his skin when Juhoon had spoken. It took him ten seconds and a whole system reboot to process what the other boy had said.
“Am not!” He exclaimed, voice cracking and face feeling suspiciously warm. Juhoon said nothing, his only response was a sidelong glance to Martin’s phone that now lay face up on the ground. Martin gasped, snatching it up and turning the screen away from his friend.
“So, what’s the surprise?” Juhoon asked a moment later, clearly suppressing a smirk. Martin let out a strangled noise, realizing he hadn’t been able to hide the screen fast enough. “I don’t… I don’t know! Why are you asking?”
Juhoon snorted, stretching his legs out in front of him and lazily watching people walk by, “Why don’t you ask? The ceremony is over.” Martin groaned, realizing Juhoon had probably read the whole conversation over his shoulder before he’d noticed his presence.
His own curiousity won out in the end though, so he turned his phone back on and tried to ignore the way Juhoon was obviously staring at it.
Martin
Ceremony is finally over
That took way too long
“Okay nonchalant final boss.” Juhoon piped up again. Martin turned the screen away and pretended Juhoon wasn’t still watching.
You
Lmao
I can practically feel you breathing down my neck
You’re still not good with surprises are you 😭
Martin
I’m…
Not going to deny that
Do I get my surprise now? :3
You
I don’t see why not
Look up 😗
Martin’s brows furrowed in confusion as he looked up from his screen, scanning the students milling about. Suddenly his eyes locked onto a figure that seemed to be running in his direction. His eyes widened with recognition mere moments later, “Holy shit!”
He leapt up from the ground so quickly that Juhoon nearly toppled backwards, and broke into a sprint. The resulting hug when you finally collided felt like being reborn and coming home at the same time. Your laugh reigniting something in his chest that he hadn’t even realized had gone out.
After literal years of long distance calls and schedules that never seemed to align enough to meet up, you were finally back. Your tangible figure was finally close enough for Martin to crush your warm body against his chest, breath in your scent and never let go.
“Martin…! Crushing me!” You wheezed, tapping his back frantically. He immediately released you, but only just enough for you to return your breathing to normal. He laughed in disbelief, using the newly gained—albeit small—amount of distance to study your face.
Nothing had changed from the last time you’d video called, but now you were real. So it was different. He didn’t have to pretend not to stare at your face through a grainy screen. Every subtle change that had happened over the years was finally finally close enough for him to appreciate and he could even blame the staring on disbelief.
Martin could’ve died right then and he wouldn’t even care.
“I can’t believe you’re here! Are you… are you going to school here? How?” He couldn’t keep the barrage of questions at bay as he led you back to his sitting spot where Juhoon had been watching the whole exchange from afar.
“Slow down!” You laughed, nudging his shoulder. “Yes, I go to school here now, my parents decided to rent a small apartment for me because they decided this school was better or whatever.” Martin beamed, soaking in every word yet hearing nothing at all.
You set your things on the ground once you’d finally reached your destination, sitting across from Juhoon. “Oh, you must be Juhoon, it’s nice to finally meet you.” You greeted Juhoon with a shy smile, which was returned in kind.
Martin had nearly forgotten you were much quieter around new people, having grown more introverted as the years flew by. He had so much to catch up on.
Suddenly, you gasped from your seat next to him on the grass and reached for the charm on Martin’s bag, lifting it slightly and turning it over. “You still have DJ!” You looked back up at Martin and his heart stuttered at the sheer amount of joy there.
“Of course!” He choked out past the expanding feelings in his chest. “He’s our son remember? I couldn’t have him tell on me do not doing something right.”
You beamed, reverently setting the keychain back down and reaching for your own bag to show him your own charm, a matching set. “DJ has a sister too! I meant to tell you the other day because I ended up finding her in another gacha machine, but I was so excited that I didn’t want to accidentally spoil the surprise today. Her name is CJ!”
Martin’s eyes widened a fraction, “I have a two kids?!?” His loud tone may or may not have attracted the attention of a few people, gaining him a few weird looks, but it was all worth it to hear you laugh like that. “Guess so.”
Juhoon, who’d been awfully quiet for someone so nosy, finally spoke up from his spot on the grass. “Very important question, we’ve been curious for a long time, is Martin the mom or the dad?”
Martin’s smile dropped and he sent a murderous look in Juhoon’s direction. He was going to kill him. Who even asks that kind of question? It’s not like either of you had given birth to a plastic dj set with googly eyes.
The question caused a surprised but amused laugh to erupt from your chest, “He’s obviously the mom. He’s bigger so it’s easier that way you know?”
You were totally right, that was the most obvious course of action. Martin was bigger, so he could obviously carry kids much easier. It was the chivalrous thing to do.
Juhoon snorted, having seen the switch up on Martin’s face, “Makes sense I guess.” You burst into a fit of giggles and Martin decided then that he could endure any amount of teasing his friends sent his way would be worth it.
Later that day, Martin walked you to your apartment, dropping you off by the door, Juhoon having split off a few blocks ago to walk to his own house. “Thanks for walking me home Tintin, it was really nice to hang out again.” Martin felt that familiar emotion bubble up in his chest and threaten to spill over, but he squashed it down. There was no way he was going to ruin your reunion.
“Yeah, it’s been so long. It’s almost weird seeing you in person again.” He laughed instead, soaking in the warmth of your smile. Both of you stood awkwardly at the door for a moment, silence stretching nearly uncomfortably before you finally broke it by clearing your throat.
“Thanks again Martin, see you tomorrow!” You squeezed him into another bone crushing hug, “Here, for luck on our first day of high school!” You pressed something into his hand and disappeared into your apartment, door shut before Martin could even register that your warmth had pulled away.
“Yeah… see you tomorrow.” He turned slowly on his heel and walked a few steps before letting out a frustrated groan and lifting the hand you had pressed something into up to eye level. He opened his palm up to find a slightly wilted four leaf clover.
As soon as he got home, it joined everything else in the box, pressed between the pages of a small notebook so it didn’t curl up when it dried. Maybe he’d get it laminated later so it wouldn’t ever get damaged.
Once the clover had been deposited safely into its new home, Martin’s attention was pulled to his phone which had been buzzing nonstop for the past twenty minutes. He opened it up to find that Juhoon had somehow taken a picture while he wasn’t paying attention. He was met with the image of his own face, staring at you with the most lovestruck expression he’d ever seen, your head tipped back with laughter.
Juhoon
I’m physically ill looking at this
Seonghyeon
I now know the meaning of looking at someone like they hung the moon
Keonho
Whipped
Absolutely, undeniably, whipped
James
I didn’t know that expression was physically possible
Juhoon
He made that face the whole time
And I don’t think they even noticed 🥀
Keonho
Gross
Seonghyeon
Yeah gross
Martin
You’re gross 😒
James
Pot
Meet kettle
Keonho
Look who it is
Lover boy has decided to join us
Martin
🖕
Juhoon
Bro I think you forgot I was there 😭
Martin
Nuh uh!
I was very aware 😒
I just don’t talk to assholes
Juhoon
…
Martin’s the mom
James
I fucking knew it
Keonho
I owe Seonghyeon thirty bucks 😭
Seonghyeon
Pay up 💵
Martin
How could you 😭
Juhoon
And he has a second kid he didn’t tell us about
Keonho
😧
Seonghyeon
A second one???
James
???
You didn’t not tell us because you cheated on the love of your life and this is some illegitimate affair child right?
Martin
NO????
Wtf???
I would never 😤
My daughter is a product of love and devotion thank you very much 😒
Keonho
He’s so far gone I can’t even see him anymore
Seonghyeon
His daughter 😭😭
Juhoon
He didn’t even fight back when they said he was the mom either
Never seen a man switch up so fast
James
Anyone remember when their parents would ask you if your friends told you to jump off a bridge, would you?
I think… he just might if they told him to 💀
Martin
I hate all of you
5
High school graduation seemed to sneak up out of nowhere. One second Martin was spending his afternoons studying at your apartment, mutually hating the Pythagorean theory with you, and the next, he was watching you accept your diploma.
If anyone asked, he absolutely did not cry, just because Juhoon had been sitting next to him didn’t mean he couldn’t lie. And Juhoon was the biggest liar Martin knew.
You posed for a few pictures before finally making your way off the stage and back to your seat on Martin’s other side. Martin scrambled to wipe his tears, pretending to be totally unaffected. The gentle smile on your face both told Martin you’d seen, and absolutely melted his heart in equal measure.
“I can’t believe that just happened.” You sighed, leaning into Martin’s side. He nodded in agreement, fearing that if he actually replied he’d start crying again. You watched a few more people go on stage in a comfortable silence, soaking in each other’s presence.
A few names later, it was Martin’s turn to go up and accept the proof of years of hard work. A small lump formed in his throat and he swallowed it back down. He cast a backwards glance in your direction to find you nearly bouncing in your seat, mouthing him a good luck.
He smiled, lump gone and chest filling with a familiar warmth instead. His confidence grew tenfold and he marched onto the stage with sure, steady footsteps. As soon as he’d turned around to face the crowd, smiling and posing for pictures as his parents excitedly held their phones up, his eyes met yours once again.
His stomach flipped, his heart stuttered, and suddenly the air smelled like daisies and playground equipment and sunlight. He swallowed hard, barely keeping his emotions down. If Martin was a braver man maybe he’d shout it from the rooftops or graffiti it on every street corner.
But he’s not. Any illusion of knights and princesses had dissipated long, long ago. A knight could’ve told his princess he loved them, then they could escape in the middle of the night and live happily ever after. Martin was no knight, so he smiled wider, squared his shoulders, and walked off the stage like he hadn’t just chickened out go what felt like the millionth time.
You squeezed him into a hug when he sat back down, quietly but excitedly chattering about what you were going to do now that you’d graduated. Martin was half listening, nodding when necessary, when all of a sudden you went quiet.
“Martin… I have something to tell you.” At your suddenly nervous tone, Martin mentally snapped to attention, he didn’t have a very good feeling about this for some reason.
You paused, seemingly collecting your thoughts, and sighed deeply before speaking. “I got accepted into my dream university…” your brows pinched as if that were a bad thing. Martin said as such.
“What are you talking about? That’s great!” His shoulders loosened. That was it? What were you so nervous about? “No, Martin. You don’t understand. Yes that’s great but, it’s a seven year overseas program.” Your voice was quiet, barely audible.
Martin’s world came crashing down around him. Seven years? Overseas? That was… so far though? You’d already moved away once and that was just across the country. What would happen if you moved a whole ocean away? For seven years? What if… what if you decided not to come back in the end. “…oh.” Was all he could dumbly bring himself to say. “Oh.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I just got the acceptance letter last night. You’re not… you’re not mad, are you?” Martin had never heard you sound so small.
“Mad? Why would I be mad?” He forced his smile back onto his face to hide the fact that the entire vision he’d had for his future had just crumbled before his very eyes. Even if he’d never confessed his feelings and never ended up in one of the futures he’d secretly thought about, you were always there no matter what. Even just as his best friend.
“That’s great news! You should be excited! When do you leave?” He wasn’t going to let his feelings get in the way of your dreams. You seemingly froze, obviously not having expected this reaction. How else was Martin supposed to react though? He was happy for you, even if he kind of felt like his chest had collapsed.
“I leave next week.” You studied his face, seemingly waiting for his joy to fade and reveal the anguish underneath. Martin felt the air vanish from his lungs, the words a sucker punch to the gut that knocked the wind out of him. “That’s… that’s pretty soon. They’re really not giving you a lot of time to prepare.”
You laughed humourlessly, though relaxed a bit when it really didn’t seem like Martin was upset. “Yeah, no, they’re really not.”
Martin spent the rest of the graduation in a daze, barely remembering the day in snapshots from any point after that moment. You were leaving. Maybe for good.
At some point the graduation ceremony had ended and people were leaving. Somehow, though he couldn’t for the life of him remember how, Martin ended up at home. When he seemingly regained consciousness, he was sitting on the edge of his bed, holding a torn corner of paper with the little box of things sitting next to him.
It had been your idea, he recalls vaguely. Just before you’d both gone home for the night, you’d come up to him with your diploma in hand, a small smile pushing at your cheeks in the way he adored.
“Let’s do an exchange.” You’d held out the paper then, eyeing his own diploma eagerly. “You know we can just trade diplomas right? It doesn’t work like that idiot.” Martin had playfully teased. You pouted at that, still staring at his paper.
“Just a piece then, something to remember each other by when I’m gone.” You’d simply torn a small corner off of your paper without another thought. Martin’s eyes had widened, but he barely hesitated to do the same to his own, handing the piece promptly over to you.
Now he was sitting in his room all alone, feeling sorry for himself. How funny life is to be throwing curveballs like that out of nowhere all the time. Martin huffed dejectedly in the quiet of his room. His phone lit up with a notification and he drug his head up to look at it to find a message from you.
Martin honestly didn’t think he had to energy to respond right now, so he shut his phone off and tossed it across the room where it miraculously landed safely in a pile of laundry.
That went on for the next week.
Missed calls, ignored messages, his mother’s worried voice through his closed bedroom door. Martin closed off from it all. He knew it was immature, he knew it was irresponsible, he knew he should get over it and get over himself because he was being stupid. But he just couldn’t, and he didn’t know why.
It was the night before your plane left, he knew because he’d been keeping track of the days at least, when he heard a knock at his bedroom door. It couldn’t be his mother, she’d given up a while ago, his dad wasn’t home, and neither was his sister.
“Martin,” a voice called from the other side, “Open the door.” Juhoon? Why was Juhoon here? “You can’t do this man, open the door before we bust it down.” Oh. And Keonho. A few voices later and it turned out the whole group was there. All except for you.
Martin rubbed a hand down his face, hoping he didn’t look as bad as he felt, and got up to open the door. As soon as the lock was turned, the door burst open with enough force it nearly sent him stumbling. “This is an intervention!” James called, whipping Martin’s curtains open to let the light from the street lamps in.
“Why are you guys here?” Martin sighed, slumping back onto his bed. “Didn’t you hear James? It’s an intervention. We’re here to kick you in your sorry ass and toss you out the door before you ruin your life.” Seonghyeon stated, opening Martin’s closet to pull out a few clothing items.
“…why?” He blinked, still at a loss.
“Because we care, dumbass. Now get dressed.” That was a bit of a surprise coming from Keonho, he didn’t usually verbalize things like that. Now Martin was being manhandled into a pair of jeans a shirt being shoved over his head at the same time.
“Okay, okay! Fine! Let me dress myself!” He squirmed out of their hold and finished pulling the clothes on. He was a grown man, he could do so just fine. Once he was properly clothed, Juhoon walked over and handed him his favorite jacket, resting his hands on Martin’s shoulders.
“You’re being an idiot. The literal love of your life is about to leave the country and you’re holed up in your room like a depressed gopher. Do you have any idea how they feel right now? You’ve been ignoring everything for the past week because you can’t man up enough to spill your guts. Get out there, and fix this.” Martin thinks this might be the most Juhoon has said to him at once in their entire friendship.
Suddenly realizing his mistake, Martin’s eyes widened almost comically. “I’m… I’m an idiot! I need to go!” Without another word, Martin ran down the stairs. He could vaguely hear his friends cheering him on from the top of the stairs before he slammed the front door shut and took off running down the street.
+1
The cool night air sawed in and out of Martin’s lungs as he sprinted down the street, cussing himself out for being a stupid dumbass the whole time. How could he do this? You probably hated him by now, and he wouldn’t even blame you for it.
He slid around a corner, shoes skidding on the sidewalk as he nearly lost traction. Martin regained his footing without losing speed, panting heavily by the time your apartment complex came into view. He was never more glad that it was an old building than in that moment. If you would’ve had to buzz him in, he’s sure that he wouldn’t be standing in front of your door now, knocking frantically.
Martin was sure he’d probably woken your neighbors on both sides with how loud he was being, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. The moment the door swung open to reveal your face he nearly collapsed at your feet.
“Martin…? What are you doing here?” The surprise in your voice was evident but what broke Martin’s heart was how tired you looked. The bags under your eyes were prominent from lack of sleep, tear tracks on your cheeks from crying.
“I’m an idiot.” Was the first thing he managed, feeling tears well up in his eyes. “You can hate me for it, you can never talk to me again. You could decide that you never wanna hear my name again but please, just let me explain.”
Your eyes widened, and you looked around outside your door before ushering him inside and sitting him at the kitchen table. “Alright fine, talk.” You sounded so utterly defeated, Martin never wanted to see you like this ever again. That is… if you ever wanted to see him again.
“I…” he started, searching your exhausted but expectant face. “Fuck it. This is all my fault.” He inhaled deeply, willing the tears to wait until he was done.
“I love you, and not just, friend love you. I love you in the way that your smile warms my entire chest like the sun during summer. Your laugh feels like a drug, and I’m addicted. It kills me to be without it for more than a day. You feel like home and comfort, but also freedom and life all at the same time and it’s so… confusing.”
“My room is a mess of memories with you, pictures and keepsakes and every little thing you’ve ever forgotten there. I kept them so you could take them back the next time you came over. You’re all I think about every waking and unconscious second of my life, capitalizing on every thought to the point where I’ve answered your name to a question more than a few times.”
“My favorite color is orange because of the sweater you wore on my birthday in third grade. My favorite season spring because that’s the season it was the first time you called me your best friend. My favorite food is literally anything you’ve ever made me. My favorite flowers are… are daisies. Because the first time I ever felt alive was when you appeared that random day thirteen years ago an you showed me how to make flower crowns.”
“I still have it, the flower crown I mean. It’s in a box under my bed alongside every other small thing I had on hand when I felt these feelings try to boil over but I chickened out, every time. When I first met you I had decided that I was a knight and you were my princess, I wanted to go on adventures with you. It’s so stupid but it’s true. I’m probably the stupidest most cowardly knight you’ve ever met, but I’m still going to ask if you’ll run away from your tower with me.”
Martin pauses, finally taking a breath and a moment to study your face, “Because… because I love you.” Both of your cheeks are shiny and wet with tears, expressions flitting between shocked and something Martin couldn’t name.
“Martin you… you’re such an idiot.” You sobbed, crashing into his chest so hard the chair nearly toppled over. “You’re so stupid! I hate you!” You sobbed harder, crushing his ribs in a clinging hug. “I hate you because I love you too, and I thought you hated me because you stopped responding to my messages after I told you I was leaving! God I’m stupid too.”
A disbelieving laugh rushed from Martin’s chest as he returned your hug. “Do you hate me, or do you love me?” He couldn’t help but tease. You sobbed again and punched him in the ribs, knocking the wind from his lungs. “Okay yeah, I deserved that.”
A few minutes that felt like millennia and seconds passed before you finally pulled away with a sniffle. “I’m still mad at you.”
“Okay.” He returned, cupping your cheek and wiping the tears with his thumb.
“But I’m not gonna hate you forever, and I’m not definitely not gonna try to forget your name.” You leaned forward, resting your forehead against his.
“Okay,” Martin sniffled, pulling you into his lap. “Can I… can I kiss you?” You paused, searching his eyes before nodding, “But only if you promise to never do anything like this ever again.”
“Okay,” Martin chuckled, “whatever you want, it’s yours. I love you.” He leaned in, lips tentatively brushing against yours. The contact was barely there, but it set off fireworks behind Martin’s eyes. When he deepened the kiss, just barely, a seed he’d planted years ago and all but forgotten about suddenly blossomed, unfolding to reveal the delicate petals of a daisy.
Epilogue
“…and after that, they got into the big plane and flew all the way to the other side of the world! It was really hard, but we managed, because love is funny like that.” Martin finished his story, bouncing his two year old son on his hip. The boy merely giggled as Martin spun him around as if he were flying.
“Martin!” He heard your voice call from the other room, instantly perking up at the sound of his name. “Yes, love?” He won’t admit it, but he still feels giddy whenever he gets to call you that.
“Can you set Daejoon down for a second and help me find the nice dinnerware? Everyone is gonna be here soon and I can’t find it.” You came around the corner, drying your hands on a dish towel. “Yes love, one second.” Martin smiled, setting your son back into his playpen with a kiss to the forehead.
He walked into the kitchen to find dinner nearly finished and the table nearly set. You huffed, brushing past him to look in the cupboard next to the fridge. “I told you to check on him, not tell him out whole story again.” You clicked your tongue, but Martin could hear the smile in your voice.
Martin grinned, walking over to hug you from behind and place a kiss below your ear. “I know, but you know I can’t help it.” He released your waist and reached into the next cupboard over, pulling out the nicer plates. “Why didn’t you just tell me they were in there?” You huffed.
“Because I wanted an excuse to kiss you.” He set the plates on the counter to pull you in and capture your lips. You sighed into it, resting a hand on his jaw before pulling away. “I’ve got to finish getting ready, Juhoon said he’s almost here and he owes me money. I told him Seonghyeon would finally confess before Keonho figured him out. I’m still surprised he didn’t agree. Oh! Speaking of which, they’re bringing dessert, so make sure to leave a space on the table for that.”
Martin laughed, a content smile on his face as he moved to set the table and watch you bustle around the kitchen.
A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door before Juhoon came in and toed his shoes off. “Happy anniversary.” He called while walking into the kitchen and handing you a bouquet of flowers. “Oh! How did you know these are my favorite Jju? Thank you.” You smiled pleasantly and turned to find a vase.
He made his way over to Martin at the table and leaned against a chair, both of them watching in silence as you filled the vase with water. “Still daisies, huh?” Juhoon grinned, nudging Martin with his shoulder. Martin sighed, near dreamily, “Yeah, still daisies.”
“…do you think they’ll let me off the hook for that bet money since I got them flowers?” Juhoon questioned after a few moments, mildly hopeful. “Hah, not a chance.” Martin responded, still smiling as the door opened and the rest of his friends came in to celebrate the anniversary of the best day of his life.