Chapter Text
He was sitting at his desk. The clock read 2 a.m. Give or take. He couldn’t really focus on the numbers on the analogue clock anyway. Pen in one hand, the other supporting his head to prevent it from falling onto his desk. A Friday night he hadn‘t quite imagined to plan out like this. How long has he been sitting here? Five, six hours? He remembers going straight into his room after eating dinner, pulling out his Laptop to do his homework and then wanting to relax. Now he‘s still on his desk, exhausted, the need for finally writing his essay assignment too big, he couldn‘t sleep with it undone.
But was he really going to get it done? Ivan was smart, maybe even considered a prodigy in all of his classes. Except for literature. All of his other subjects were easy, they were based on logic. Logic was something Ivan liked. If there‘s a way on how to get something done, he could do it. But literature? He lacked emotional depth. He lacked the literacy for essays. Especially if the assignment was personalized. Ivan‘s already getting tutored for his small problem (even if he failed literature, he‘d still hold an almost perfect GPA). But his next session wasn‘t until next Monday. He had procrastinated this assignment for too long, now only having about 24 hours left until he had to turn it in.
He stared at his paper, then at his pen. And at his paper again. Not a single thing has been written down. Who is he kidding? There‘s no way he‘s finishing this.
Ivan put his pen down, finally standing up from his desk; just to walk around in circles in his room. A few circles later and he got dizzy. He stared at his phone on the night stand. He should ask him. And without realizing, his phone is in his hand, messages open, his finger pressing on „Till“. Could he really text his tutor at 2 in the morning to ask if he could maybe meet him tomorrow? He‘s probably asleep. Or maybe busy?
Till was a bit older than Ivan, 22 to be exact. He was in college, majoring in Literature in his third year. Not that he really liked that major. He just wanted to make his folks happy by saying he‘s going to university. An Ivy League College too. He wasn‘t stupid or anything, he could‘ve easily gotten into law, or computer science if he wanted. He just doesn‘t see the appeal in going to college. So he picked the easiest major.
He‘s been Ivan's tutor for a couple of weeks, on Ivan's Parents‘ wish. They wanted their son to score a perfect mark on every subject, no matter how hard it may seem for Ivan (though not many academic matters seem hard for Ivan in the first place). Till had agreed, seeing how much they were willing to pay for him to just show up at Ivan's place 3 times a week. And he wasn‘t exactly busy either. If he wasn‘t at college, he was out drinking with his friends. And if he wasn‘t doing that, he‘d hang at home, making some music. Or getting high. Or both. So he could really use the extra money to buy materials for his Instruments. Or substances. The latter usually.
Ivan still wasn‘t sure of himself but he‘d sent the text anyway, out of desperation.
-I‘m sorry for the late text, but would you happen to have time tomorrow? I really need help with this essay, I can‘t seem to get it done. Don‘t worry if you can‘t! -Ivan.
He always sent that little “-Ivan“ when texting Till. Till had his contact saved for sure, but in his mind Ivan thinks it‘s better to tell someone who‘s on the other end texting (doesn‘t really make sense does it? Downside of not having any friends actually).
But he really never texted anybody, so someone having his number doesn't feel like something he can get used to. Of course beside his parents, but that‘s totally different.
He looked at his text. Delivered…then read…that‘s it.
Was that a yes? A no? He took a second glance. No, it definitely said “read“. So he‘s awake but decides to ignore him? Or maybe he‘s busy.
Definitely must be busy. Shouldn‘t have bothered him so late, ugh
Maybe he‘ll answer tomorrow morning. Hopefully. Without Till, Ivan is practically done for. So he tried to tell himself that Till‘ll answer tomorrow morning, but for now he had to go to bed. It was too late to be worrying about literature anyway.
He didn‘t bother getting ready for bed. He turned off his desk-lamp and practically threw himself under his covers, hoping he could get some decent sleep tonight.
Five minutes later…ten…twenty…thirty…His eyes didn‘t close. He couldn‘t. Somewhere in his brain he was convinced Till would answer. But would he really? This late?
ding
Oh, yeah maybe he actually would.
Ivan‘s basically closed eyes snapped open at the notification sound. As mentioned, he didn‘t have any friends so this must be Till. He sat up and hurriedly picked up the phone.
2 Notifications from “Till“
-hey, yeah sure no worries
-when do you want me to be there?
A sigh of relief. He thanked whatever gods were up there, only half heartedly expecting Till to say yes. But now he had to answer his texts... Usually Till was the one planning their tutoring times, since it mostly revolved around his oh-so-busy college schedule.
Thinking for too long than he should have, worrying that whatever time he‘ll say may inconvenience Till. So he thought hard. Really hard, until he finally made up his mind and texted back.
-6PM? My Parents are out of town right now, but I‘ll tell them to pay you on Monday all-together! -Ivan
He quickly put his phone down, not wanting to see Till‘s text in case he‘d answer right now.
He laid back down in his bed, pulling up the covers over his head, hoping the darkness would help him finally fall asleep. And he did…
The next day came. Sun shining through his half closed blinds, the faint sound of birds chirping entering his room from the slightly open window and Ivan finally opened his eyes. He looked at his clock. He missed most of the morning.
Slowly getting up, he scrambled for some clothes that were previously kicked under the bed last night when he got too hot falling asleep with his school fit still on.
Now in the bathroom, brushing his teeth he looks at his reflection, thinking. Thinking really hard…He feels like he’s forgotten something…
“Right. Fuck”
Till’s coming later and his house looked like a mess. Whenever his parents are on a work-trip he knows he’ll be home alone for at least a week or two. And keeping a space tidy was never really his thing.
He splashes some water on his face to properly wake up and rushes out the bathroom, getting on with cleaning.
God was this exhausting but he didn’t want Till to think less of him. Like he’s dirty or something.
Not like Till would mind. For all that matters he didn’t care actually. He wasn’t messy, really. But his room was plastered in compositions scribbled down on paper, instruments laying left and right and clothes never in the closet. Not that Ivan would know that, but he still wants to leave a good impression on Till. Maybe Till’s the type of person to notice things like that. And he wanted him to like Ivan.
For no reason other than to make the Tutoring less awkward than it already was, of course.
So he spent nearly five hours cleaning the entire house. And it was already 5pm.
He finally sat down on the couch, wiping sweat off of his forehead, hearing his stomach growling.
He didn’t get any food and going out to grab something wouldn't leave him any time.
Sighing, he decided to just suffer through it.
And then the door rang.
Was it six already? He knew Till was on time almost always but it couldn't be time for him to arrive just yet. He checked his watch and right he was. It wasn’t six. It was just a little past quarter past five. He stood up, walked to the door and looked through the spyhole, hoping it was one of his neighbors or the Mailman.
It was Till.
He cursed a few times before slowly opening the door with shaking hands. He wasn't really nervous. He had no reason to be. Till came over a dozen times. Yet he couldn't shake this ominous feeling creeping up on him, like the air had suddenly turned heavy the moment the doorbell rang.
There was Till, backpack over his shoulder and a white bag in his hand.
“Sorry for being so early. I was in the area and figured I could just come by”,
Till spoke up and finally brought Ivan back to reality. The younger one stared at the hand holding the white bag which looked suspiciously like take out.
“Uh…Yeah I got you some food. Thought maybe you didn’t have dinner yet.“
As if he read his mind. Or stomach. Ivan chuckled nervously trying to overplay the extreme awkwardness lingering above. He still stood behind the door, hand holding the doorframe, his upper-body peeking out.
Silence.
“Can I…come in?“
“What?“, he shook his head a little, blinking like he wasn‘t really understanding what Till was saying.
“Right, yeah sure, apologies.“
He opened the door and stepped aside, letting Till step in. His tutor threw the bag over to one of the couches and made his way into the kitchen, as if he owned the place. Ivan was still out of it but followed him slowly, not really knowing what he‘s supposed to do. Maybe he shouldn‘t have impulsively texted him last night, but now it‘s too late to regret another life decision this week.
“So, why‘d you want more tutoring? Thought you didn‘t have any upcoming exams in Literature.“
“I don‘t, but I have to turn in an essay by tomorrow night and I just can‘t write anything down…I hoped maybe you could…you know, write it with me?“
“You mean, for you.“ His lips curled into a slightly sneering smile.
Ivan scoffed and let his head hang. “Yeah, maybe that.“
“How about you eat something first. Got you some chinese takeout. Doesn‘t look like you‘ve eaten anything by the looks of the kitchen.“ He sat down at the small table in the corner of the room and started unpacking whatever it is he got.
“Yeah…I haven‘t.“ But the kitchen surely wasn‘t this clean because he hadn't eaten, Ivan thought to himself. But he sat down next to him, looking at the food for a moment too long before he started to eat.
They sat in silence. Ivan eating, Till looking out of the kitchen window.
And occasionally at Ivan.
After Ivan was finished eating, Till stood up and tidied up the table. Weird, but not something he‘d never done when he was with Ivan. After every tutoring Ivan noticed that Till always cleaned up after them, whether it being tossed notes or pens that were scattered around. He didn‘t have to but it saved Ivan a nerve, at least.
“What‘s the topic?“
“Huh?“
“Your Essay. What do you have to write about?“
“Something about ethics. Morality I think.“
Till walked out of the kitchen and Ivan followed him. They made it into Ivan‘s room and Till sat down at his desk. Ivan didn‘t like when people sat in his chair, but he‘d make an exception if it meant that Till would get this done for him even if Ivan‘s not doing any of the writing…or thinking.
“You want me to write about something without having the ability to peek into your head? Knowing what you actually believe?
Ivan sat at the edge of his bed and stared at Till.
“What do you mean?“
“You have to write something about morality. Last I checked, morality is a subjective matter. I can‘t just pretend I‘m you and write like you without having any idea when it comes to your moral perception.“
“Why not? My morality doesn‘t differ that much from everybody else's. From that of normal people I mean.“
Till turned to the desk and grabbed a pen. “You‘d be surprised how ethics differ in the mind of each individual.“
Ivan couldn‘t quite wrap his head around that last statement. Surely nobody that‘s not a sociopath or psychopath at last, would have similar ideas on what‘s right and wrong, right?
But then again, thinking too hard about whatever Till says, isn‘t worth the energy. He‘s intellectual for sure, but one can never know when he‘s actually saying something smart or if he‘s just out of his mind. So he let it rest. He watched Till starting to write anyway so he must have figured it out by himself.
And Ivan had no idea what to do, seeing the other hunched over the papers, so concentrated even his breathing seemed to slow down almost unnoticeable.
He was way too tensed up, still unsure why Till‘s presence today made him so uneasy. Laying down seemed like a good idea. So he did exactly that.
Headphones on, he laid there, eyes half closed and waiting for Till to finally finish. Since he started he hasn‘t said a single word, seemingly into this essay as if it was his own.
“Done.“
Quick.
He almost fell asleep. He jolted upwards, his head spinning a little. But nonetheless he looked over Till‘s shoulder to see 6 papers full of text.
“It‘s not too much, can‘t have your teacher think you magically gained the ability to write a perfect paper, but it's good enough for a 90. 92 if he likes you. But nothing below 89 for sure.“
“You‘re a life saver. I needed a 70 or over anyway. Thank you Till.“
And for the first time today, he felt relaxed. He smiled.
———
But that was over as quick as it came. They stood in front of the entrance door. Till gathering his bag and Ivan fidgeting.
“Thank you again, you helped me tons.“
“Can you call it help if I taught you nothing?“
Till cracked a smile and opened the front door.
“I guess I‘ll get going now.“
“Yeah…Get home safe.“
He looked almost…sad? Not only was he totally regretting calling Till over but also feeling extremely guilty for making him do his work (though “making“ is a strong word, considering Till seemed fine). But now he didn‘t really want him to leave. It got lonely, all alone when his parents were gone. He had nobody to talk to. So seeing Till a few times a week at least kept him somewhat social.
“Uh, you know…“, Till started before walking off, “I got something goin‘ on later. A few of my friends and I. I noticed you‘re not out often. Figured you‘d want to get out once in a while, y‘know. With your parents not tellin‘ you when to get home and all.“
——
And without waiting for an answer he walked off and shut the door behind him.