Chapter Text
Eddie always knew that Buck was attractive. He was charming, lovable, and effortlessly the center of every party. Easygoing and kind, Buck was like the sun—the one and only—warming everyone around him and making them feel alive.
The problem was that for all these years, Eddie’s eyes had only looked at Buck. He had been so focused that he forgot Buck was not HIS. When he finally looked at the crowd, he realized he wasn't alone; many others had their eyes on Buck, too.
Everyone wanted him in the same way that Eddie Diaz wanted Evan "Buck" Buckley.
Even though no one knew him the way Eddie did.
Even though no one loved him the way Eddie did.
—-
“Someone spent 8,000 dollars to go on a date with you?”
The thing is, yes, Eddie Diaz always knew that his best friend was hot—like, so damn hot. Admittedly, in terms of looks alone, he and him were quite evenly matched. Is Eddie tall? Buck is also tall; he is tall like a model, 70% of his body is legs. Eddie is built? Buck is big; his biceps are bigger than his own head. Eddie was pretty sure they were in the same rank, just with slightly different scores. However, one thing Eddie knew was that he could not be like Buck. Not because he was a single father who sucked at dating women, but because he wasn’t charming like Buck.
Buck knew how to act confident. He had the most beautiful eyes Eddie had ever seen in his life. They were not just blue; the more you looked into them, the more you noticed the sparkle inside. Because Buck felt he was never loved and his parents never gave him attention, he knew wholeheartedly what people needed to feel—to feel loved and fulfilled. He was a great performer; like, he was even able to do a backflip on the stage! And made someone spend 8,001 dollars on him just to go on one date?
“It’s for charity,” Buck said. “It’s not that big a deal, Eds.”
Someone was willing to spend four times my monthly mortgage on you, Buck.
That is a big deal.
Something shifted inside his head after learnt this information. He always knew about "Buck 1.0", he knew that this tall man used to be a menace. (Well, like some people, he never liked Abby that much, but he thanked her for installing "Buck 2.0".) But he had never considered before that the Buck he never met had so much potential to belong to someone else before him. In fact, he still saw that frat boy in him. Yes, they were not young anymore, but every time they went to a bar to get a beer, a lot of women (and now men too) hit on him.
Women gave Eddie attention, too, but they lost interest in him very fast, and he liked it that way. But not for Buck; when he wanted to be, he was so good at socializing. If he wanted to get them, he got them. He knew how to flirt so naturally. For Eddie, it never felt that way; he always felt like he needed to perform all the time. He thought it might be because he was a man of commitment. He grew up so fast; he had been the man of the house since he was twelve. He had to be a father at eighteen, and he had lived under a chain of command with a bunch of dudes since then, too. He had never experienced life in the way that Buck did.
He couldn't help the fact that he did not know how to act like a man his own age when he was in his 20s. Eddie always thought like that, and he kept telling himself that this was the reason why he was so suck at dating. He wished that one day he would find a woman who could make him feel like he could just be himself—someone who made him feel comfortable and warm, like he felt when he was with Buck.
Having Buck as a best friend was such a blessing. Do you feel sad? Call Buck; he will be there for you. Have an emergency? Need a babysitter? Christopher saw a random cookie on TikTok and wanted to try one? Panic attack? PTSD? Just call him. He would be there for you, no matter what or why. Eddie trusted him with his life. If soulmates were real, he wanted his soulmate to be someone like him.
Sometimes, he thought back to when his best friend came out to him and told him he had tried to get attention from Tommy. Eddie was so shocked. Buck needed someone's attention that much? If Buck just told him, Eddie would drop everything and go with him. Why him, and not me? He thought over and over in his head. This was the first time in his life that he felt so unfortunate to be straight. If he were just gay, Buck would be an option for him too, and he would be happily married by now. But sadly, Buck was still not his. And then the world turned upside down so fast; the day Buck broke up with Tommy was the day he stopped being friends with that pilot too. He saw the way that older man changed him, and he felt sad but could not do anything about it. Then, when Buck asked him if he had texted or called Tommy or not, he wanted to yell at him;
No, if you want, just call me, just talk to me.
At that time, he was so envious and angry about something he could not explain—especially after he had fucked up every relationship in his life: his family, his son, his girlfriend, and his wife's ghost. The only thing he had left was Buck. Buck was there for him; he even made his (ex)boyfriend be there for him when he tried to call Christopher. When he decided to move back to Texas, they had a fight about whether he had to leave LA for his son. He was so sad, so afraid that he would lose him too but then they reconciled. Buck always stayed even after the argument, and Eddie loved his best friend for that.
And then Bobby died… He did not want to talk much about this, but grief changed people. And it changed Buck a lot. Time passed so quickly, a lot of things happened and a lot of things changed. Buck and he lost a real man who took them under his wings, gave them advice, and made them see the world in a view that only if you had been that age, you would understand. But after a year passed, he knew now that for Buck it was different from him. Bobby was the first family he found and he was the closest he ever had to a dad. If for Eddie, he had to grow up too fast, for Buck, he found the reason to grow up so late. And losing Bobby made Buck try to step up like Eddie used to do when he became a father; things were sudden and a little bit jerky at first. But he made it and he was sure that Bobby would be so proud.
He saw the way Buck treated the Grant siblings as a big brother and he took care of his niece and nephew; he was so ready to settle down and have a family of his own if he wanted to. And . He watched him so closely and his eyes were on him; he couldn't go on a date because no one made him feel the way he felt about him. On the other hand, he saw Buck go on dates frequently, not as much as when they were younger but enough to tell that he was looking for someone special. Every time he saw him with another man, he wished that he were gay, so he could date him and every time he saw him go out with women, he wished Buck was gay, so he did not have to date women at all. His eyes were on him and him only. And it was so frustrating.
And that made him feel frustrated even more when he knew that someone wanted to spend more than his entire monthly salary just to go on a date with him. His first thought was how much money he could spend if he wanted to bid on him too? Maybe not for a date but for a road trip or something. Then he realized that sounded so ridiculous; he could just ask, and no matter what, Buck would go with him anyway. He just did not want him to go with someone else.
‘I don’t want to do it, Eddie. I am not that kind of man anymore,’ Buck said to him after Chimney insisted that he had to participate, ‘For the orphans, Buck. I know you love being objectified.’ The captain said. He is not, Eddie yelled in his head; he knew now who Buck had become today. He changed; he just wanted to love in the way that only Eddie would understand. Because he was his best friend.
He had planned to tell Buck that it was okay to not want to go on a date. Me too, Buck. I don’t want to go on a date with women either. But he did not say anything because life always put him in the hardest situations. Abigail, her father, Alex, and everything made him want to just escape reality, and he knew that if he just told him that oh, I was just too traumatized to do this, Chimney would let him go. (Well, he might not, but he knew he could try.) But something in him told him that he needed to go. He was not gonna lie, he wanted to see Buck on the stage too.
‘I am not young anymore, I am not HOT or confident like I used to be when I was a probie,’ Buck told him the real reason why he did not want to be at the auction after they left the hospital. (And he was still not sure how to feel about his best friend calling him sexy, but he was so appreciative that he came. He did not even tell him yet, but when he knew, he showed up anyway.) Eddie was so shocked—like, this was ‘the reason’?? How did he not know that being in his mid-30s, having a stable job, knowing how to bake, how to cook, being good with children and good-looking, he was SO DAMN HOT? Buckley was hot enough to make him not want to go on a date because he couldn't find someone like him. ‘Buck, you don’t really know how… like- how hot are you right now? Don’t make me say that man.’ Eddie tried to find the word but couldn't find one that gave the same feeling of
you don’t even know what you do to me.
Well, the auction was as uncomfortable as he imagined. But it surprised him in a lot of ways.
First, Maddie agreed to help him so easily. He chose her because he knew that she was kind and empathetic. She would not ask a lot of questions (he would know that he was wrong about this later; how could he forget that she was the one who raised Evan Buckley? Of course, she was nosy too) and she would not think that he was too pathetic to auction on himself, so he didn't have to go on dates with women. She just said, ‘Okay, I will charge you the fee later,’ and she smirked. This was the first time that Eddie noticed that they had the same mischievous smile. And things actually went well, like Athena bidding on her own son. (Eddie understood her a lot; if he could afford it, he would bid on Buck too) And then, what do you mean that May bid on Ravi?? When? What? How? And why? Is it that easy? Like bid on someone that you actually know and go on a date? Oh, god. I wish I were gay. He wanted to do that too! Could he do that? Does Christopher need to go to college? Oh, he does need to, never mind then.
And then the music changed; it was time for Evan Buck Buckley.
He wished he had 8,000 Dollars– he understood immediately why someone was willing to spend that much money just to go on a date with him. He was so confident, he was such a menace, he got everyone's attention the minute he walked inside on the floor. And Evan Buckley, Eddie screamed silently, You don’t need to do all of that. PUT THE SHIRT BACK ON!
His eyes were locked on him; he couldn't take his eyes off him. His heartbeat changed a lot; it became faster than when he woke up on that stage himself. He looked at him so deeply and dearly; he loved his confidence, his cheerfulness, his smile, his body, and the attitude he put on that walk. And then he saw the presentation. This was so shameless. How could you make everyone fall in love with you but only one person could own you for a day? He wanted him too.
I want him to be mine.
Eddie finally told himself loudly. Is it even possible?
He wanted to live in the house that Buck did the cooking. He would do the dishes or he would clean whatever he wanted him to clean. Chris would be thrilled if he knew that he could have Buck's food for dinner forever. He wanted to be the first person who got to try every cookie that that avid baker baked. He wanted to raise children with him too; having him to help with Chris made everything so much easier and stable. If he could, maybe it was just a daughter that they adopted together; Buck would be the best girl dad in the world, or maybe they fostered together to give those children the best childhood both of them never had.
Can a best friend do all of that?
If a best friend can’t, can he be more than that? What if in the world that is possible? Can he be that special someone that Buck is looking for?
Did he like men enough to be gay?
That's ridiculous, he could like men, of course…
He was already in love with a man.
The cheering sound made him look around; a lot of women and some of the men raised their hands. They all wanted him to be theirs like he wanted Buck to be his.
Everyone wanted him in the same way that Eddie Diaz wanted Evan "Buck" Buckley.
Even though no one knew him the way Eddie did.
Even though no one loved him the way Eddie did.
‘I love him,’ he whispered. He finally understood why he couldn't go on a date. It was all because he was looking for love in the wrong place for years. His heart had been loyal and devoted to the man he called his 'best friend' for a very long time. He had given himself to that man from the very beginning, since he told him that he would drive him to his kid.
But because Buck was always looking at him, and he was always looking at Buck—never taking his eyes off, never having lost him because he knew he would be there no matter what—he didn't realize that his love had been overflowing for ages. It was only when he looked away because it was too bright that he finally saw it: so many others were staring at him with those same eyes. He tried to stop looking at him; he did not want to know who was the one that got him.
And then his eyes stopped at Maddie, and she smiled at him, and yes, he knew that smile.
She knew that he loved her brother.