Archive of Our Own

“Alright, it’s about time you learn your lesson, PAL!”

“What lesson?! The only lesson I’m learning here is more ways to make you lose your marbles!”

“We should be saying that to you, considering marbles aren’t even a part of the tools’ inner arsenal, MISTER!”

“Ugh, you guys are the most literal tools ever!”

“How ironic, considering you throw your head around so much that you claim to be losing your mind OOH OOH OOH AH AH AH!”

“YOOOOOOOW!”

“COUGH COUGH that’s not my problem COUGH COUGH!”

“DOUBLE YOOOOOOOW!!!”

Needless to say, I think today has already been solidified as a chaotic day as soon as the Ghoul Tools woke up Beetlejuice in the Roadhouse (first thing in the morning, no less!) and dragged him over all the way to the Neitherworld Hardware Store.

Yup, that’s right, these haunted tools just couldn’t wait to get back to their old home and visit their old haunted tool comrades…and of course, being vitriolic towards Beetlejuice happens to be their other motive. What can I say? These are literally THE Ghoul Tools we’re talking about here.

Anyways, they managed to drag Beetlejuice into the Neitherworld Hardware Store with barely any issues, which is impressive, considering half of these tools in the group don’t even have limbs.

“Hey, quit struggling, PAL! This is the lesson that you desperately need to learn, since you’re THE fraud handyman and all, PAL!” Jack Hammer yelled with much indignation, which seems to happen every time he complained about fraud handymen, ESPECIALLY when it comes to Beetlejuice.

“What lesson are you tools trying to teach me anyways?! Not like I’ll ever try to learn it anyways! Learning is for absolute squares, know what I mean?!” Beetlejuice whined as he then stomped around on the floor of the ghastly hardware store like a child…or rather, a ghostly manchild.

“Hey, it’s not nice to call someone a square now, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?!”

“YOOOOOOOOW–” Beetlejuice was about to do his signature frustrated screaming until he felt a sudden whiplash from that sudden response…perhaps quite literally, as his neck suddenly snapped back like a slingshot, before snapping over, not recognizing that voice before. “Wait, which square said that?”

It certainly can’t be the Ghoul Tools because of the aforementioned unrecognizable voice. I mean, have you seen that verbal tic? It certainly isn’t of the PAL variety, that’s for sure.

“I’m talking to you, PAL!”

And just like that, Beetlejuice’s eyes immediately snapped over to Jack Hammer like a rubber band, almost literally. “AHA! I knew you’re that square who said that! I recognize that verbal tic anywhere, including my nightmares!”

Jack Hammer gasped dramatically, his eyes peering over his sunglasses with great offense. “Hey, that wasn’t me this time, PAL! I may call everyone a pal, PAL, but I don’t do it in every sentence, PAL!” He responded with more indignation.

“You’re not helping your case, MISTER!” Drill Sergeant piped up.

“Erm, actually, that would be me, MISTER!”

Beetlejuice then carefully looked down at one of the store shelves, trying to detect this wannabe copycat of a tool… Seriously though, what kind of tool copies others?

“I SAID LOOK DOWN HERE, PAL!”

Not gonna lie, that definitely startled Beetlejuice off his feet…as evidenced by the entire upper half of his body literally jumping off the lower half, leaving his legs standing there. Yup, he LITERALLY LEAPT off his feet. What a literal-minded goober.

“YOOOOOW! WHO IS THAT?!” Beetlejuice shrieked before scowling towards the tool that suddenly yelled at him. Indeed, he managed to catch the glimpse of that vitriolic tool…and it sure wasn’t like any other haunted tool he has seen before.

You see, there is a tool that looks to be a rather interesting mix of a measuring tape and a tape recorder, judging by how there’s a measuring tape sticking out of its side. This green-colored measuring tape recorder hybrid also seems to have some sort of a permanent grin on his face, judging by the buttons below his face.

“Are you seriously asking me who I am? My name is literally Tape Recorder, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?!” The measuring tape recorder hybrid said, all with a perpetual vitriolic grin on his face.

Of course, we can only imagine how Beetlejuice feels about finding YET ANOTHER vitriolic haunted tool in his eternal life.

“YOOOOOOW!!! NOT AGAIN!!!” Beetlejuice screeched, his upper half of the body rejoining with the lower half shortly before CRASHING OUT via flying all over the place. “YOOOOOOOW!!!”

Of course, Tape Recorder, along with the Ghoul Tools themselves, laughed at this display of frustration, especially Monkey Wrench, who seems to take utter delight in Beetlejuice’s suffering. No surprises there, considering he’s a ragebaiting monkey wrench and all…

“Yeah, take that, you fraud handyman OOH OOH OOH AH AH AH!” Monkey Wrench hooted and hollered.

“Now that’s how a real soldier does things around here, MISTER!” Drill Sergeant nodded with approval.

“Wow, and here I thought my pranks were the only legendary ones around here, PAL! Way to show me up, PAL!” Jack Hammer mildly complained.

“COUGH COUGH yep, your copying pranks are legendary as always, Tape Recorder COUGH COUGH!” Hacksaw coughed out a compliment.

Geez, what is up with these guys confirming everything I’m narrating? Seriously, how far are they willing to go for their vitriolic bits, even against me, the narrator? I wish they can just stop being so indirectly spiteful towards me already! UGH…

…ANYWAYS, after Beetlejuice is done crashing out (via crashing onto the floor in the form of a mini airplane shortly before turning back into normal), he then glares at Tape Recorder with much vitriol of his own. “You know what?! I’m not even gonna ask what you want from me! In fact, I’m just gonna go ahead and make sure you ALL go to scrap, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?!”

Tape Recorder simply glanced up at Beetlejuice, as if unfazed, and then he chuckled. “All I’m hearing is a bunch of yapping, PAL!”

Beetlejuice growled angrily, his head suddenly turning into a train whistle, which was blowing a whole lot of steam. Oh shoot, you know he’s getting real livid now…

“THAT’S IT, TIME FOR THE SCRAP HEAP, YOU LITTLE CHOO CHOO-”

“HEY, remember the magical contract, PAL?!” Jack Hammer finally piped up, stomping over towards Beetlejuice with a somewhat malicious sneer. “Remember one of the rules?! Never try to hurt us again, PAL!”

“CHOO CHOO YOOOOOOOOOW!!” Beetlejuice screeched out of frustration, letting out a screaming train whistle noise shortly before his head turned back to normal. “I can never escape these irritating tools in my everlasting life!”

“That’s what you get for being a dishonorable soldier, MISTER!” Drill Sergeant barked.

“Yeah, plus, it’s always fun to see a fraud like you get your well-deserved comeuppance OOH OOH OOH HA HA HA!” Monkey Wrench jeered while hooting and hollering YET AGAIN.

“COUGH COUGH I just wanted to add something vitriolic to the conversation, dummy COUGH COUGH!” Hacksaw coughed out an excuse.

“UGH, you haunted tools are the worst! I can’t even smash you guys into pieces without some darn magical contract getting in the way, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?!” Beetlejuice complained with gritted teeth, much to the haunted tools’ entertainment.

“Well, I would appreciate it if you didn’t, BUDDY. These haunted tools are quite high-priced, you know?”

Once again, in a literal fashion, Beetlejuice’s eyes snapped over towards a new voice within the store. His eyes then (not-so-literally) landed on what seems to be a mysterious figure. On closer inspection, that mysterious figure looks more like a shady figure that resembles a grim reaper…and Beetlejuice wasn’t sure if it’s just him, but the shadiness of that figure seems quite literal, considering that figure is a literal shadow grim reaper…

“…Who are you exactly? I don’t talk to noBODIES, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?” Beetlejuice replied to the figure, crossing his arms as if he’s all that.

Yeah, you’re not all that, Mr. Fraud Handyman.

Regardless, the shadow grim reaper shrugged. “I’m just the storekeeper for the Neitherworld Hardware Store, BUDDY. What else is there to say, other than the fact that you should NOT mess with the high-priced haunted tools here?” He bluntly answered.

Beetlejuice’s eyes bulged out of its sockets after hearing that little bombshell. “WHAT?! So you’re saying that you’re the one who’s been running this unruly household full of vitriolic haunted tools?!” He shouted.

“ERM, ACTUALLY, this is a haunted hardware store, not a household. GET IT RIGHT, BUDDY.” The shady storekeeper said.

“HEEEEY, it’s that shady storekeeper guy! Now that’s a real pal, PAL!” Jack Hammer claimed with a super confident smile.

“Yeah! We could prank him as many times as we wanted and he would never complain OOH OOH OOH AH AH AH!” Monkey Wrench cheered with utter joy.

“Yup! Now that’s a soldier who knows his place, MISTER!” Drill Sergeant nodded as if that’s the most honorable thing to do.

“COUGH COUGH he’s certainly not a TOOL, unlike a certain fraud handyman COUGH COUGH!” Hacksaw threw out a hasty coughing insult.

Of course, the shady storekeeper lightly laughs at their usual vitriolic display, knowing full well what’s up. “Nice to see you four again, BUDDY. If I remember correctly, you four were one of the most vitriolic haunted tools I ever had the pleasure of taking care of back then, BUDDY.” He commented.

After witnessing the blatant vitriolic haunted tools glazing, more steam blew out of Beetlejuice’s ears, not standing for any of this.

“Okay, that’s it, the show’s over!” Beetlejuice declared, about to walk out of the haunted hardware store door…until a blue ghostly door suddenly appeared in place of the normal doors, pretty much acting as a supernatural blockade for even The Ghost with the Most himself. “GRRR, okay, what gives?!”

Of course, the Ghoul Tools are chuckling like a bunch of trickster tools they are, with Jack Hammer laughing the loudest in this instance. “Oh, did I forget to mention the magical contract dictates that you’ll also have to follow our every whim until this job’s over, PAL?!” He boasted with a devious grin on his metallic face.

“YOOOOOOW! THAT’S HORSERADISH! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT’S AN ACTUAL RULE IN THAT CURSED CONTRACT!” Beetlejuice bellowed.

Just then, a magical contract suddenly popped up in front of his face, as if to pull the ultimate “ERM ACTUALLY” move and show him that the proof is definitely in its nonexistent pudding:

“Beetlejuice will have to follow the Ghoul Tools’ every whim until this job is over, PAL.”

No guesses on what Beetlejuice’s next reaction turns out to be.

“YOOOOOOOW!!!” He screamed out of frustration, turning into an angry elephant before stomping on the checkered floors of the Neitherworld Hardware Store like an angry ghost manchild with the power to be extra as HECK.

“Hey, don’t stomp on those floors, those are high-priced too, BUDDY.” The Shady Storekeeper complained while crossing his shadowy arms.

“PHOOEY!” Beetlejuice yelled out before turning back into normal, mostly bummed out from the fact that he didn’t get to perform an elephant trumpet noise before being forced to turn back. Welp, today sure is gonna be a long day in the Neitherworld Hardware Store then…

“FINE! What do you all want me to do then, stand around and endure vitriolic nonsense?!” Beetlejuice claimed with annoyance.

“As fun as that sounds, no, we’re not exactly here to do that, PAL!” Jack Hammer explained while hopping around the hardware store. “Like I said, we’re here to teach you a lesson, PAL. Don’t you know that we haunted tools have feelings too, PAL?!”

“More like lacking in feelings! You guys are nothing but TOOLS!” Beetlejuice complained once more.

“HEY, more like VITRIOLIC TOOLS, PAL!” Jack Hammer replied with indignation.

“HEY, MORE LIKE SCRAP HEAP–”

Just then, the shady storekeeper suddenly got in between the feud, getting a little tired of hearing this fight. “Okay, enough of this, BUDDY. I will not have some customer like you threaten my high-priced haunted tools, BUDDY. Just for that, I now sentence you to help out a bit around the majestic Neitherworld Hardware Store! Hope you enjoy it while it lasts, BUDDY.” He declared this ultimatum, all with a blank look on his face. Wow, even when he’s being passive-aggressive, he’s still putting on the front of a chill shady storekeeper, huh?

Of course, Beetlejuice is less than pleased to hear that, judging by the dumbfounded look on his ghastly face. “It’s not my fault, it’s these faulty second-rate tools of mine!” He complained while pointing at the Ghoul Tools.

“What was that, MISTER?!” Drill Sergeant growled with much offense.

“That’s it, I’ve got an extra vitriolic prank in store for him in the near future OOH OOH OOH AH AH AH!” Monkey Wrench claimed while sticking out his tongue.

“COUGH COUGH let’s get him COUGH COUGH!” Hacksaw coughed out a not-so-subtle threat.

“Wow, you sure have learned nothing, PAL! Why am I not surprised, PAL?!” Jack Hammer yelled with much vitriol.

“YOOOOOOW!!!” Beetlejuice screamed with frustration YET AGAIN. The Ghost with the Most sure likes to do that a lot, huh?

“Don’t care, BUDDY. Now get to work now, BUDDY. I don’t have all eternal life to wait for you to stop being lazy, BUDDY.” The Shady Storekeeper said right before shadily floating away, probably off to make sure that the other haunted tools aren’t going around causing property damage.

“GRRR, FINE! I’ll take care of that stupid store for you! Grrr, I’m gonna lose my MIND doing this…” He said right before his ghostly brain suddenly popped out of his head, plopping onto the front desk. After scowling at the irony for a bit, he then quickly puts his brain back inside his head.

“Haha, looks like that’s karma for you, buddy OOH OOH OOH HA HA HA!” Monkey Wrench hooted with laughter.

“Now you see what we mean?! Taking care of us haunted tools will benefit you more in the long run than being a fraud, PAL! Yep, that’s the lesson, PAL!” Jack Hammer claimed with a cocky smile.

“Nope, I refuse to learn that lesson! I’ll do that just to spite you all, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?!” Beetlejuice said while ferociously shaking his head so much that one can hear faint rattling in his head. According to that, it seems like he doesn’t want to store much lessons in his head…

“GRR, just what I expected from a dishonorable fraud, MISTER!” Drill Sergeant complained while shaking his head with disapproval.

“That’s it! Magical contract or not, you’ve got to go!” Beetlejuice growled as he took out a broom and chased Drill Sergeant with it, who immediately dashed off with a serious look on his face, just like a true soldier. When is this guy NOT serious?

“You can’t shake meeeeee!” Beetlejuice lets out his own special brand of battle cry, intending to smack Drill Sergeant down with a broom right then and there…

…Until a huge bright yellow drill suddenly erupted from the floor in front of Beetlejuice, having dug up from underneath the checkered floor.

“YOOOOOOOW!!!” Beetlejuice screamed, immediately caught off guard by that sudden entrance so badly he dropped the broom, much to the Ghoul Tools’ relief and satisfaction.

“How dare you try to chase after my comrade, MONSTER?!” The bright yellow drill accused Beetlejuice with a clear scowl on his face, much to the prankster ghost’s displeasure.

“COME ON, YET ANOTHER VITRIOLIC HAUNTED TOOL TO DEAL WITH?! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!!” Beetlejuice screeched with pure rage already, his head now erupting like a volcano.

“That’s just karma for a monster like you, MONSTER!” The bright yellow drill accused with a cathartic smile on his face.

“Well, it’s a given that I’m a monster, I am The GHOST with the Most after all, and you’ll do well to remember that, know what I mean?!” Beetlejuice said, as if he’s trying to give out some subtle threat to the drill. News flash, you’re not being subtle, BUDDY.

“Hmph! I’m way more honorable than you, you ghostly scammer! After all, I will become the most honest drill in my entire haunted life, or my name isn’t Drillby!” The drill proclaimed, making the ground rumble while moving across the floor.

“Yep, I remember those words as clear as day! That’s definitely the honorable drill I remember quite fondly from a while ago! How are you doing, MISTER?!” Drill Sergeant barked out in a somewhat friendlier way.

“Oh, I have been doing quite good, COMRADE!” Drillby replied gleefully while drilling across the floor, making Beetlejuice slip down onto the floor from all the rumbling the drilling has been causing. “You see, I just managed to outsmart a scammer a second ago, COMRADE!”

“Now that’s what we like to hear, MISTER!” Drill Sergeant nodded with approval towards the news. “After all, dishonorable people like him should always be taught a lesson, MISTER!”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself, PAL! ESPECIALLY since I can’t even stand fraudster handymen, PAL!” Jack Hammer replied with much vitriolic joy in his voice.

“Yeah, count me in! I wanna be part of the ‘Fraudster Handymen Haters’ club too OOH OOH OOH AH AH AH!” Monkey Wrench suggested while jumping with joy.

“COUGH COUGH I am moreso the president of the ‘I’m SICK of Mr. Beetleman’ club COUGH COUGH!” Hacksaw HACKED out a complaint, befitting of the supposed president of the ‘I’m SICK of Mr. Beetleman’ club.

“Eh, that’s fine with me! Any haunted tool that likes to be vitriolic towards that fraud will always be a pal of mine, PAL!” Jack Hammer boasted while hopping around.

“Hehe, I can definitely share that sentiment, especially when it comes to MONSTERS like him, COMRADE!” Drillby agreed with a nod.

“Hah, imagine trying to be a fraud handyman that loves to steal credit from hard-working tools! Couldn’t be us OOH OOH OOH AH AH AH!” Monkey Wrench taunted.

At this point, Beetlejuice decided that he would no longer take this roasting session lying down. He figured it’s time to take action now, starting with the haunted tool that just insulted him.

“THAT’S IT, IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO GO EXTINCT, YOU IRRITATING PIECE OF WORK!!!” Beetlejuice screamed out of his nonexistent lungs as he made a floating lunge towards Monkey Wrench.

“Haha, I would like to see you try, you skill issue of a fraud OOH OOH OOH AH AH AH YAAAAAAAH!!!” Monkey Wrench let out a hooting screech of surprise as he narrowly jumped out of the way, causing Beetlejuice to crash into the shelves instead. Welp, that definitely woke up a few sleeping tools, that is, if all that commotion hasn’t done that already…

After recovering from that little crash, Beetlejuice then angrily looked up at Monkey Wrench as the ragebaiting tool managed to climb up through the shelves now, using the nearby ledges in the store to swing around like an actual monkey would, complete with the hooting and the hollering. He really is dedicated to this whole “ragebaiting monkey” bit, huh?

Beetlejuice sure wasn’t having any of that nonsense, as evidenced by him turning into an angry jaguar before climbing up the store shelves as well, believing that turning into one of the monkey’s many natural predators would intimidate Monkey Wrench into backing down from all of his irritating bits he loves to do. Sure, Beetlejuice is being quite literal-minded for using that approach, but I suppose I’ll have to begrudgingly give him props for creativity here…

“YAAAAAGH! You have no chance in the Sandworm Realm if you think that form will ever catch up to me OOH OOH OOH AH AH AH!” Monkey Wrench, despite being surprised by that development, has insisted on continuing to be such a ragebaiting troll of a tool, perfectly demonstrating why old habits die hard…

The Beetlejuice jaguar then ferociously climbed up the store shelves towards Monkey Wrench with much vengeance, intending to end this irritating tool, no matter what, and no, he does not give a SINGLE hoot about what the magical contract says, he’s gonna do it anyways!

So he climbed closer and closer to Monkey Wrench, about to make a lunge towards him…only for Monkey Wrench to swing away from him via a rope hanging from another store shelf, which greatly helped on his escape…and incidentally, this has also led to Beetlejuice crashing into the shelves once more, this time in jaguar form. He then slowly recovers, still hanging on to that shelf while glaring towards Monkey Wrench, who has been yukking it up the whole time.

“HAHAHAHA, at this rate, you will never EARN your STRIPES as a true handyman…not like you ever will, you fraudster of a handyman OOH OOH OOH HA HA HA!” Monkey Wrench taunted with his signature hooting laughter.

Beetlejuice growled, not amused in the slightest. “Jaguars have spots, not stripes, YOU FAULTY TOOL!” He shot back with a correction.

“Oh, is that so? Then I guess you could say your attempts to catch us are rather SPOTTY OOH OOH OOH HA HA HA!” Monkey Wrench yukked it up with THE most mischievous smile on his face, complete with him sticking his tongue out at the prankster ghost jaguar.

“ROOOOOOOAR!” Beetlejuice ends up letting out a real jaguar-style roar in response to this, no longer seeing it fit to indulge in this PUNny PUNk’s PUNS for a second longer. His ghostly hind legs scrape against the shelves, getting ready to pounce at Monkey Wrench again…

“SKREEEEEEE!!!”

…Well, that is until this sudden jumpscare of a noise popped up out of nowhere.

Before he knew it, a shelf suddenly fell down from below Beetlejuice, as if it got sawed away…

…Not like it matters anyways because Beetlejuice already fell off from the shelf before then, all thanks to that jumpscare-like screeching noise that startled him greatly. If Beetlejuice had a heart, he swore he would have had a heart attack right then and there!

As soon as he splatted onto the floor after that disgraceful fall, he glared up from the floor in splat form, just in time to catch a saw landing onto the floor right in front of him…

“BANG!”

…Which, of course, caused another jumpscare noise in the process. Geez, what’s up with this saw and his love for jumpscare noises? Not to mention that the design on this tool looks creepy as heck… White paint with a black handle? Painted-on red spirals on the saw itself? Monstrous-looking eyes? Something tells me this saw is obsessed with spooky stuff…

“…What are you supposed to be?” Beetlejuice questioned the spooky saw as he turned back to normal.

“…I wanna play a–BOO!” The spooky saw started, not wasting any time to immediately make a jumpscare noise right after.

“YOOOOOOOOW!!!” Beetlejuice screamed with a mix of terror and frustration, with the jumpscare being so startling to the point that it made his head roll off in shock. Of course, Beetlejuice immediately chased after his head before catching it and screwing it back on. “Geez, that almost made me have a few SCREWS loose… What’s up with that, you SHARP psychopath?!” He immediately proceeded to yell at the spooky saw.

Just then, Monkey Wrench landed down next to the saw, all with a confident sneer on his face. “Oh, that’s just good ol’ Jig Saw! He loves to spook others with his scary pranks OOH OOH OOH AH AH AH!” He explained.

“Of course he does.” Beetlejuice replied in a complete deadpan and unamused tone.

“Ah, I remember Jig Saw! His type of pranks may be a little out of my depth personally, but I always loved how his pranks always seem to spook someone, no matter what, PAL!” Jack Hammer commented with glee.

“Yes, I may not be too big on pranks in general, but Jig Saw is STILL an honorable soldier in my humble opinion, MISTER!” Drill Sergeant piped up.

“COUGH COUGH I’m just too much of a HACK to do spooky pranks COUGH COUGH!” Hacksaw stated with a cough, of course.

“ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! ENOUGH WITH THE COMPLIMENTS ALREADY!! I’M GETTING TIRED OF TOOLS LIKE YOU!!!” Beetlejuice yelled out of pure frustration, his voice only increasing in volume the further this goes on…

“How about no–OOGA BOOGA!” Jig Saw shouted, causing Beetlejuice to stumble back.

“Okay, I can tell talking with you is gonna get OLD real fast, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?!” Beetlejuice replied with annoyance, his hair suddenly turning gray, as if proving a point.

“Okay, boomer, you don’t know real comedy when you see it OOH OOH OOH AH AH AH!” Monkey Wrench hooted with much trolling intent.

“I know, right? That’s one of the many reasons why he’s THE fraud, PAL!” Jack Hammer piped up, never resisting the chance to slander Beetlejuice’s handyman expertise, as evidenced by him stomping on the ground after every word he said in that sentence.

Beetlejuice, of course, immediately singled out another tool to crash out on. “That’s rich, coming from a tool that demands respect so much! You might as well be the most insecure tool EVER!” He yelled out while pointing at Jack Hammer.

Needless to say, Jack Hammer is NOT gonna take that one lying down.

“You wanna take this outside, PAL?!” Jack Hammer shot back, his usual cocky grin becoming more strained than usual…

“I literally cannot go outside because of YOUR stupid magical contract, but whatever! I won’t be beaten by the likes of YOU!” Beetlejuice retorted, his voice equally full of VENOM… Oh wait, of course he meant that literally, because he immediately changed into a ghastly rattlesnake for the bit. Why am I not surprised?

Whatever, that’s not enough to faze Jack Hammer, judging by him hopping and stomping towards Beetlejuice with much malicious intent, judging by his sneer. The other Ghoul Tools, as well as the newcomer tools, proceed to egg on the fight.

“BUILD! BUILD! BUILD! BUILD! BUILD!”

Welp, seems like these tools have never seen a real fight before, so this is the best fighting chant they can come up with at the moment.

Anyways, that sure doesn’t stop Beetlejuice (after turning back to normal) and Jack Hammer from approaching each other in menacing fashion. They both seem primed to knock each other out in their own ways, with Beetlejuice planning to do so via literal monstrous punches (AKA hitting Jack Hammer with his BEAR hands), while Jack Hammer plans to literally NAIL him to the floor. Sure, there are no nails nearby, but Jack Hammer will find a way somehow…

Just then, as if by miracle, nails suddenly rained down from the ceiling, hitting Beetlejuice at first before these nails managed to NAIL him down to the floor, quite literally.

“WHAT THE?!” Beetlejuice screeched out as he tried to move.

Jack Hammer then grinned with great satisfaction. “Ah, I recognize that nail rain anywhere! Whoa, I think we’re about to meet up with a tool that’s arguably just as plain awesome as I am, PAL!” He claimed while looking up at the ceiling.

And right on cue, a certain nail gun jumped down from the highest shelves, smoothly landing next to Jack Hammer with a grin full of attitude. Yup, this particular nail gun seems to have a cyan shade of paint on his design. He also seems to have some razor-sharp teeth, judging by his smile, as if driving the whole ‘nail gun with an attitude’ point home. “That’s what you get for oppressing tools like us, DUDE!” He spat out his complaint with much VENOM in his voice…and then proceeded to NOT turn into a rattlesnake. I mean, no duh, of course this haunted nail gun isn’t able to turn into a rattlesnake, he’s only a haunted nail gun compared to the super extra ghost that is Beetlejuice himself.

After glancing over at Jack Hammer and the haunted nail gun, Beetlejuice groaned with much annoyance. “Oh no, not another irritating haunted tool! Why do you all exist?! Is there a surprise sale for haunted tools or something?!” He complained.

The nail gun gazed over at Beetlejuice with an unamused scowl. “For your information, my name is Nails, DUDE! And you will do well to respect me, DUDE!” He demanded.

Of course, Jack Hammer can’t help but laugh with amusement at this situation. “Haha, no wonder I think of Nails as my pal, PAL! We both think of the more important things in the haunted tools’ lives: Respect and recognition, PAL!” He claimed with much pride.

“Ah yes, another honorable soldier! His attitude isn’t exactly my cup of tea, but he’s on our side and that’s what matters, MISTER!” Drill Sergeant barked out his comment.

“Yeah! I think I lowkey vibe with this rad tool just as much as I vibe with Jig Saw OOH OOH OOH AH AH AH!” Monkey Wrench PIPED up– Oh wait, there are no pipes nearby for him to either screw tightly or unscrew loosely. I can’t believe I’m just now realizing this pun for this ragebaiting monkey wrench of a troll, and it’s at the worst time, all because there are no pipes nearby! What a tragedy!

Oh well, anyways, let’s check out Hacksaw’s reaction now.

“COUGH COUGH Nails seems cool, I guess COUGH COUGH!”

Yup, that’s the reaction I would have expected from the haunted tool that’s just here for the ride.

However, Beetlejuice could not care any less when it comes to the haunted tools glazing, but what else is new?

“GRAGH, I CANNOT STAND TO HEAR ANY MORE UNDESERVED COMPLIMENTS FOR YOU HAUNTED TOOLS! YOU’RE ALL JUST A BUNCH OF SCRAP HEAP FODDER TO ME, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?!” Beetlejuice screamed out, being defiant to the end.

Nails and Jack Hammer (along with every other haunted tool in the vicinity) look over at Beetlejuice with a somewhat offended scowl, pretty much taking that personally.

“So you want to be renovated that badly? Alright, be my guest, DUDE!” Nails threatened with a toothy grin.

“YEAH! LET’S RENOVATE HIM, MISTER!” Drill Sergeant, of course, spouted off this iconic threat.

“Yeah, let’s turn him from a condo to a doghouse, PAL!” Jack Hammer made an iconic Mad Libs-like threat of his own.

“YOOOOOOW!!!” Beetlejuice screamed out of frustration, desperately trying to move around as the haunted tools start to close in on him.

And then, before they can even do anything…

…Beetlejuice suddenly popped out of the Neitherworld Hardware Store for a little bit.

All of a sudden, Beetlejuice suddenly finds himself in a familiar mirror…and upon closer inspection, yep, this mirror is indeed in Lydia’s room.

“Beetlejuice, I just called you over because I haven’t seen the Ghoul Tools in a little while… Do you have any idea what they might be up to lately?” Lydia questioned as she approached the mirror.

“No time to explain! Come with me, Lyds! You’ll get your answer soon enough!” Beetlejuice replied while holding out his hand.

“Okay then…” Lydia said while taking his hand.

And just like that, they immediately made their way over to the Neitherworld Hardware Store in an instant.

Lydia immediately glanced around her surroundings, already starting to get the gist of what’s going on. “Ah, I see… In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t be so surprised.” She replied in her usual blunt tone.

Beetlejuice joined in with Lydia on looking around their surroundings, although he did do this with a much grumpier attitude, of course. “It’s these FAULTY TOOLS’ fault that I’m stuck in this dopey hardware store right now! The STUPID magical contract is not letting me leave until I do hard work around here or something like that, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?!” He complained.

“Hey, for your information, this magical contract states that you will have to follow the Ghoul Tools’ every whim until this job is over, PAL. Get the wording right, PAL!” Jack Hammer corrected with a sneer.

“Haha, I can always count on my pal to come up with such a deviously clever plan like that, DUDE!” Nails commented with a confident smile.

“See, this pal definitely gets me, PAL! KNOW WHAT I MEAN, PAL?!” Jack Hammer boasted, really drinking up all the catharsis he can get here apparently, complete with a rather vindictive smile as he approached Beetlejuice.

However, Lydia decided to step up for this confrontation.

“Hey guys, wouldn’t it be better if we could work through all that together? You know, instead of being at each other’s nonexistent throats all the time?” She suggested to both Beetlejuice and the Ghoul Tools while crossing her arms.

However, neither party wants to hear about resolving their conflict. They want to vent, not to hear about solutions, darn it!

“Hey, stay out of this one, PAL!” Jack Hammer retorted, pretty much speaking for the Ghoul Tools here.

“Yeah, I wanna get revenge on these stupid tools just for existing, thank you very much!” Beetlejuice added with much vitriolic venom towards the haunted tools.

“Well then, at least I tried.” Lydia replied with a shrug before stepping back, preparing to receive a front-row seat to the chaos that’s about to unfold.

“Now then, where were we…?” Jack Hammer seemingly mused in thought before glaring back at Beetlejuice. “Oh yeah, that’s right! YOU’RE A FRAUD, PAL!!!”

“AND YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF SCRAP HEAP THAT SHOULD BE RECYCLED INTO HAVING BETTER PERSONALITIES!!!” Beetlejuice screeched back, turning into a trash can in order to prove a vitriolic point.

Of course, these Ghoul Tools aren’t going to take that, as evidenced by their many scowls.

“Look who’s talking! You’re the one who always pranks others for no reason, MISTER!” Drill Sergeant gave out this rebuttal.

“Well, at least I don’t constantly go around bragging about how I have the most construction integrity or whatever, unlike you, you foolish tools!” Beetlejuice spouted off his retort.

“Well, at least we actually have some integrity to brag about, unlike you, you fraud OOH OOH OOH AH AH AH!” Monkey Wrench cheered while hopping up and down.

“ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, FINE! I’LL PROVE THAT I HAVE MUCH MORE INTEGRITY THAN YOU ALL BY HELPING OUT AROUND THE STORE!” Beetlejuice yelled before producing a broom in place of his hand, getting himself ready to follow through on his own word.

Tape Recorder, of course, noticed this with a snicker, knowing full well what’s about to go down. “Oh, this is gonna be real good, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?!” He spouted off another borrowed catchphrase with a laugh.

“COUGH COUGH you can say that again, LITERALLY COUGH COUGH!” Hacksaw coughed out with anticipation for the upcoming events…

And it seems the Ghoul Tools share the same thought, because they are starting to approach Beetlejuice with vitriolic intent while the ghost prankster himself tried to sweep around the floors…

“Ugh, why is there so much dust everywhere in this store?! If I didn’t know any better, this store has as much life as a funeral!” Beetlejuice commented as he struggled to sweep all the dust away from the checkered floor.

Just then, Drill Sergeant and Drillby hopped over towards Beetlejuice, both tools having a clear plan in their mechanical minds as they both gaze at each other with an anticipating smile. Oh boy, they’re definitely planning to mess some stuff up, aren’t they?

“Alright, soldier, time to show that dishonorable prankster what you’re truly made of, MISTER!” Drill Sergeant stated while standing near Beetlejuice.

Drillby nodded with a mix of mischief and enthusiasm. “Yeah! I’m ready to give this dishonest joker a taste of his own medicine! Just say when, COMRADE!” He yelled out with joy, revving the drill part of him with much excitement.

Drill Sergeant nodded. “Alright, Drillby… CHAAAAAARGE!!!” He commanded with all of his might.

Welp, that certainly got Beetlejuice’s attention because he turned around to see what’s going on here. Oh, you poor not-so-innocent ghost… You have no idea what you’re in for…

“What the?! Don’t tell me you tools have another devious plan cooked up for me already?!” He complained, wielding his broom-hand as a weapon.

“TOO LATE, MONSTER!!!” Drillby screamed out with much anger as he drilled right through the floor of the hardware store like it’s nothing…kicking up all the dust around the store, undoing Beetlejuice’s progress in the process. …Oh, and also greatly damaging the store floors too. Yup, there’s also that huge mess to consider. Beetlejuice, you got a long and hard road ahead of you, BUDDY…

…And no, this was not written by that shady storekeeper. That’s still me, the good ol’ narrator who’s REALLY good at doing character impersonations.

Anyways, with all the dust (along with a super huge hole) on the floor now, Beetlejuice jumped around with much anger, much like a child throwing a temper tantrum. “OH COME ON, I WANTED TO BE THE ONE TO LEAVE A HUGE HOLE ON THE NEITHERWORLD HARDWARE STORE! HOW DARE YOU TAKE THAT OPPORTUNITY AWAY FROM ME!!” He screeched out while glaring at Drill Sergeant and Drillby (who left the huge hole just now).

Welp, there he goes again, being angry and sad for the wrong reasons. Never change, Beetlejuice…

Drill Sergeant shook his head as he walked away from the ghost, along with Drillby. “That’s your ghostly funeral, not ours, MISTER!” The former barked out.

“Yeah! That’ll teach you to be a monster, MONSTER!” Drillby added with a jolly laugh, as if he didn’t just mess up the whole hardware store floor.

“GRRRR…” Beetlejuice coped, malded, and seethed all in a single growling sentence. How impressive.

Anyways, he then floated away from the dusty floor, deciding to focus on a different task for the hardware store: Scrubbing the storefront desk clean! Surely nothing can go wrong there, right?

Oh wait, what am I talking about, these are the Ghoul Tools, of course something will go wrong, I’m just only further tempting fate by saying that.

Anyways, Beetlejuice just took out a clean rag from one of his pockets and proceeded to scrub off all the dirt from the storefront desk, doing his best to concentrate through it all…

…In fact, he’s SO concentrated on this task that he didn’t even notice Jack Hammer and Nails hopping onto the counter nearby, both flashing a devious smirk on their faces.

“Heh, you know what to do, right, PAL?” Jack Hammer whispered almost conspiratorially.

“Yeah, I know what to do, DUDE! Time to show him what I’m made of: By being an annoyance, DUDE!” Nails claimed with pride, as if that’s something to be proud of. These haunted tools sure are a unique breed of vitriol and chaos, huh?

After reaching that little agreement, the troublesome duo then hopped over towards the storefront desk and…

“WHAT THE?!” Beetlejuice screeched out upon witnessing the chaos that just happened.

Indeed, Jack Hammer has pretty much activated jackhammer mode, relentlessly stomping on the storefront desk in such quick succession that the storefront desk is already looking pretty bumpy a few seconds in. As for Nails, he shot so many nails onto the desk that it pretty much ruined any sort of organizational vibes for the desk. At the end of that little destruction montage, the storefront desk ended up looking more like a coffin rip-off.

“OH COME ON!” Beetlejuice yelled with frustration, transforming into a small hammer and pounding against the now messed up desk. Wow, that sure will provide a solution to that problem, BUDDY.

“You’re just further demonstrating how much of a fraud you are, PAL!” Jack Hammer claimed while hopping away with Nails.

“Yeah, I’ll believe that pigs will fly sooner than you becoming a real handyman, DUDE!” Nails added on to the claim while laughing with great vitriolic joy.

“GRRRR…” He growled yet again, trying so hard to ignore these troublesome tools around him. Just focus on getting the job done and you’ll get out of here real soon…or at least, that’s pretty much how he reasoned with himself in order to not go super ballistic already.

Oh well, time for the third task: Managing inventory by making sure all the haunted tools are here in the Neitherworld Hardware Store! Oh boy, this is definitely gonna go well, knowing how vitriolic these haunted tools are…

As Beetlejuice climbed up the store shelves in order to check on the haunted tools, his eyes suddenly landed on a certain protein-filled hammer, which is lying down on one of the nearby store shelves, acting as some sort of a twisted spectator, having witnessed all of the chaos unfolding within this hardware store…

…Of course, this HAMmer still isn’t moving a single inch, nor does it have a single word to say, not even to comment on how entertaining this whole chaotic mess of a hardware store is…

…Alright, enough focusing on this lifeless ham of a tool. It’s still a prop in Beetlejuice’s ghastly eyes, so he’s not gonna worry too much about that tool. At least it won’t be able to bother Beetlejuice greatly through this task… Speaking of which, time to focus back on that inventory task…

…Anyways, Beetlejuice climbed further up the shelves, trying to get to the section where (apparently) the most popular haunted tools reside. Once he got there, he saw that most haunted tools happen to reside there, seemingly resting at the moment… Welp, at least they won’t be bothering him too much for now…

Before Beetlejuice can even get started with the organizing process though…

“SKREEEEEEE!!!”

Of course, that sudden jumpscare noise caught Beetlejuice so off guard that he fell off from the shelves and splatted onto the ground, turning into the splat form yet again. As he gazed over to the culprit of that jarring noise, his eyes immediately narrowed with unamusement upon seeing that it was Jig Saw (who scraped against the ground in order to make that noise) and Monkey Wrench.

“Hahaha, nothing beats watching you get jumpscared by Jig Saw every time OOH OOH OOH AH AH AH!” Monkey Wrench hooted and hollered with joy while hopping away.

“Yeah, I think I have something snarky to say, but I forgot– REEEEEEAHHHHH!!!” Jig Saw immediately SCREAMED out his jumpscare noise before skidding away with a scary growl.

“GRRRR…” Beetlejuice growled even more before transforming into a medium-sized hammer, hammering the ground with frustration now. “WHY DO THESE TOOLS EXIST…?! I SWEAR, IF I GET PRANKED BY THEM ONE MORE TIME…!”

Just then, Hacksaw and Tape Recorder hopped towards Beetlejuice, apparently having something to say to him. What could they possibly want…?

“COUGH COUGH hey fraudster, we have something to say to you COUGH COUGH!” Hacksaw coughed out the beginning of this little conversation.

“WHAT IS IT?!” Beetlejuice screamed out with pure rage, quickly turning back to normal before steam quickly rose out of his ears…

Hacksaw and Tape Recorder looked at each other for a brief moment, as if deciding to do something, before quickly looking back at Beetlejuice, with the latter about to drop this bombshell…

“KNOW WHAT I MEAN?! KNOW WHAT I MEAN?! KNOW WHAT I MEAN?! KNOW WHAT I MEAN–”

“OKAY, THAT IS IT! I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU BLASTED TOOLS!!!” Beetlejuice screeched as loudly as he could, screeching so loudly that he even turned into a ghastly hawk and flew around the store with pure rage for a few seconds…before turning into a super huge hammer. “NOW IT’S TIME FOR YOU TOOLS TO MEET YOUR MAKER!!!”

And with that, the Beetlejuice Hammer has officially been thrown down…and by “thrown down”, I mean “SLAMMING ON THAT FLOOR LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW”, because really, that’s a whole lot more of an accurate description for the chaotic situation at hand.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

Throughout all the banging, every vitriolic haunted tool within vicinity dodged every strike, skidding and hopping across the floor like it’s nothing, all while the Beetlejuice Hammer keeps getting met with near misses while trying to slam these haunted tools into next week…or towards the scrap heap, as he would vastly prefer. I mean, have you seen that crazed look in his eyes during that mega hammer form of his? Yeah, he’s OUT for mechanical parts right now.

Whatever, he doesn’t even care anymore! He doesn’t care if he ends up breaking the floor of the Neitherworld Hardware Store even further than it already was. He doesn’t care if he ends up getting in trouble with the Shady Storekeeper. Heck, he doesn’t even care if any more haunted tools woke up from all the commotion he’s causing just now.

…Wait, now that he thought about it, Beetlejuice has been noticing more and more haunted tools moving around the shelves on their own, as if stirring from their rest. Some of them have even opened their eyes as they try to figure out what ruckus has been happening around here. Wait, then that would mean…

“Wait, who dares to wake me up from my POWER NAP?!”

“Somebody better CUT that racket out already!”

“Whoever woke me up will definitely NEVER MEASURE up to a true handyman!”

Oh no.

“You gotta be kidding me…!” Beetlejuice groaned, turning back to normal as more haunted tools hopped down towards the floor. “There’s even MORE of these ghastly tools?! YOOOOOOOOOW!!!”

However, Jack Hammer, along with the rest of the Ghoul Tools, gave off a playful sneer towards Beetlejuice while more haunted tools started to gather around them. “Hey, that’s just what happens when you mess with the Ghoul Tools, PAL!”

“Just know that you did that to yourself, MISTER!” Drill Sergeant piped up while shaking his head with disapproval.

“I just wanna say that you screwed up yet again, you big goofball of a fraud OOH OOH OOH AH AH AH!” Monkey Wrench hooted with triumph, as if they’ve already won.

“COUGH COUGH you have no one to blame but yourself, you big HACK COUGH COUGH!” Hacksaw totally did not just hack out a sneaky insult just now.

Of course, the primary haunted hardware store tools aren’t far behind on the dissing as well.

“You seem like the most dishonest handyman ever, and for that, I’m just gonna hate everything about you from now on, YOU MONSTER!” Drillby started off the roasting.

“I know, right? This handyman isn’t worth any salt, DUDE!” Nails piped up with an angry smile.

“SKREEEEEEE!!!” Jig Saw only elected to use a jumpscare noise for his rebuttal. How typical.

“Yeah, you’re the worst handyman ever, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?! KNOW WHAT I MEAN?! KNOW WHAT I MEAN?!” Tape Recorder repeated ad nauseam.

At this point, Beetlejuice has had enough of the constant roasting, as evidenced by his usual scream of frustration.

“YOOOOOOOW!!!”

Yup, right on cue too.

Lydia gazes back and forth between Beetlejuice and the growing Haunted Tools group with concern, noticing how that particular group is growing more and more as more haunted tools join the fray, ready to throw some more strays towards Beetlejuice’s way. At this point, all these ghoulish tools have a clear intent to revolt, judging by their angry grins on their faces as they slowly approach the duo. Seems like Lydia needs to do something real soon…!

“Alright, it’s time for the handyman to start using his feet…again!” Lydia unintentionally quipped, quickly grabbing onto Beetlejuice’s hand before leading him away from the pursuing Ghoul Tools and towards the door leading to the back room of the Neitherworld Hardware Store.

As soon as they managed to make it to said back room, the pair immediately closed the door and pressed their backs against it, making sure the door doesn’t get broken down from the haunted tools’ incessant pounding against the door. Talk about a real close shave…and thankfully, not the literal kind.

“We’re really CUTTING it close this time, Beetlejuice!” Lydia said to her bestie, apparently content to keep up with the cutting puns that did make the CUT. …Oh wow, she already got me doing it too.

“It’s not my fault! It’s these faulty tools’ fault! Their screws are literally loose this time! I wasn’t even doing anything to them except doing some tasks, all until they decided to become vitriolic jerks! That’s why I believe they all should have been sent to the scrap heap, no matter what!” Beetlejuice claimed with much anger, still holding that door back.

“That’s some poor words for a man who wishes death on his tools, MISTER!” Drill Sergeant called out, still trying to pound that door down with the other haunted tools.

Lydia sighed after hearing all that. “Oh, what are we gonna do now…?” She wondered, looking around the back room for anything that could help…

…And just then, her eyes landed on the Shady Storekeeper, who’s simply lounging on a chair while enjoying black coffee…and I do mean it in a literal sense, because that black coffee is made out of shadow! Yup, it’s all shadowy and that’s how the Shady Storekeeper likes his coffee!

“Huh? Aren’t you the storekeeper of this very store?” Lydia asked the Shady Storekeeper, grabbing his attention.

“Oh? Well, yes, I am, BUDDY. What’s the problem, BUDDY?” Shady Storekeeper asked before casually throwing the shadowy black coffee through the shadow dimension portal, which is casually floating there the whole time for all we know.

“Well, the problem is that these haunted tools seem to be revolting against us right now… What do we do?” Lydia questioned while looking around for any possible solutions.

“I STILL THINK THEY SHOULD BE SENT TO THE SCRAP HEAP, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?!” Beetlejuice shouted out with as much venom in his voice as he could muster, causing Lydia and even the Shady Storekeeper to give him the most unsurprised side-eye ever.

“Anyways, you say that the haunted tools are revolting? I think I may have the solution in mind, BUDDY.” The Shady Storekeeper said before casually opening the door and letting the haunted tools in, as if this is just a normal Tuesday for him…and with the fact that he knows what makes these haunted tools tick, this occurrence probably IS a normal Tuesday to him.

“FINALLY! IT’S TIME TO MAKE YOU PAY, PAL!” Jack Hammer shouted out, ready to unleash his vitriol at the maximum level.

Before these angry haunted tools even get a chance to do anything though, the Shady Storekeeper simply walked in front of these haunted tools and produced a shadowy anvil from his hands.

“Ooh, is he finally going to smash up these faulty tools for good?! Finally, my dream is coming true!” Beetlejuice eagerly whispered to Lydia.

However, instead of using that shadowy anvil to supposedly smash up these haunted tools, the Shady Storekeeper instead used that shadowy anvil to smash himself up into a shadowy goop, only leaving a shadowy trail behind after all is said and done.

And what are the haunted tools’ reaction to the entire display of shadowy slapstick?

Well, they laugh about it, of course! After all, what better joy do these haunted tools get than seeing someone else suffer some form of comical shenanigans?

“HAHAHA, even an honorable soldier needs a good laugh, MISTER!” Drill Sergeant guffawed.

“HAHAHA, that shadowy shop owner sure knows how to provide a good laugh, DUDE!” Nails chuckled with vitriolic joy.

“HAHAHA, I KNOW, RIGHT?! NOW THAT’S COMEDY, PAL!” Jack Hammer gave out a hearty laugh.

Of course, Beetlejuice can only stare with a completely dumbfounded expression on his ghastly face, not believing what he just saw. No way these ghoulish tools find this display of slapstick THAT funny, do they? No, they totally deserve the scrap heap treatment for their trash taste in humor alone! …Yeah, Beetlejuice totally didn’t narrate for me just now, why do you ask?

“Wha– How are they THIS vitriolic?! I swear, they’re giving ME a run for my money on the vitriol department! ME, of all people! Are you guys even hearing yourselves right now?!” Beetlejuice loudly complained to anyone who would care to hear said complaints.

“I mean, to be fair, we both know very well how these haunted vitriolic tools operate… I should know, I once did a little interview with them… These guys are vitriolic to their very mechanical cores…” Lydia replied matter-of-factly.

“UGH, of course they are…” Beetlejuice groaned while facepalming.

“Hey, you should be thankful, PAL!” Jack Hammer piped up, with the haunted tool group now focusing on Beetlejuice. “Thanks to the funniest shadow slapstick I have ever seen in my haunted life, I no longer feel the need to vent out my frustrations via a haunted tool revolt, PAL!”

“Yeah, do you understand the lesson now, MISTER?!” Drill Sergeant questioned.

“Lesson?! About what?!” Beetlejuice yelled.

“About how we haunted tools truly operate, you dum-dum OOH OOH OOH AH AH AH!” Monkey Wrench hooted out while sticking his tongue out as always.

“COUGH COUGH you better remember the lesson well or else COUGH COUGH!” Hacksaw coughed out a thinly-veiled threat.

“Okay, okay!” Beetlejuice yelled once more before looking around in thought. “Well, as far as I know, you haunted tools are the most vitriolic tools in existence, and therefore, I should never mess with you all by being a handyman or something! Is that the kind of dumb lesson I’m supposed to take away from this whole experience?!”

The entire haunted tool group looked at each other, as if trying to decide the results of how Beetlejuice learned that whole lesson. The Ghost with the Most can’t help but feel judged right about now, as if he’s standing before the council of haunted tools or something like that…

…And before he knew it, the haunted tools erupted with cheer, confusing Beetlejuice even further.

“Huh?! What’s going on here?!” Beetlejuice asked out of frustration.

“You passed the test! Maybe there’s some hope for you yet, MONSTER!” Drillby said, still calling Beetlejuice a monster on instinct, because after all, the Ghost with the Most still doesn’t meet this drill’s values and ideals when it comes to being a literal honest soul. Not like Beetlejuice can help it though, since he was literally born to be a ghostly being with vitriolic values, as well as a love for pranks.

“I guess that means I’ll have to chill a bit now with my copying pranks, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?!” Tape Recorder replied, providing an amusing juxtaposition of a response.

“Alright, I guess I won’t hit you with a jumpscare noise now– SKREEEEEEE!!!” Jig Saw screeched out, already breaking his promise frame one.

“And I guess that means I won’t be vitriolic to you anymore– NAH, JUST KIDDING, YOU’RE STILL A STUPID FRAUD, DUDE!” Nails yelled, apparently never resisting an opportunity to be vitriolic to Beetlejuice.

“What?!” Beetlejuice yelled out, having already caught on to their contradictory sentences and verbal tics. “What even is the point of all this if you’re all still vitriolic haunted tools?!”

“Well, the point of all this is that, now you know what we haunted tools are truly capable of, that should lessen the chance of you messing with us Ghoul Tools now! And for that, I consider that a job well done, PAL!” Jack Hammer claimed. “And I’m sure you know very well what that means, right, PAL?!”

“Huh?! Wait a minute…”

Before Beetlejuice has a chance to fully process what’s about to happen, the blue ghostly door that was blocking the entrance to the Neitherworld Hardware Store finally disappeared, leaving behind the normal store entrance in its place.

“WHOA! YES, FINALLY, I’M FREE!” Beetlejuice screeched out with joy, hammering that point home by briefly transforming into a frog that’s literally HOPPING with joy.

“Yeah, that’s the predictable reaction I expected out of you, PAL!” Jack Hammer said with his usual sneer.

“Oh yeah?! Then I think you Ghoul Tools know very well what’s about to happen next, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?!” Beetlejuice said with an angry smile.

“What exactly are you getting at, PAL– Oh no, don’t tell me you’re thinking of doing another tiresome chase scene, PAL!” Jack Hammer said, apparently already getting into this routine of running away.

“YEP, TIME TO GO TO THE SCRAP HEAP, PAL!!!” Beetlejuice screeched out right before chasing Jack Hammer and the rest of the main four Ghoul Tools group out of the Neitherworld Hardware Store.

“HEY, DO NOT SULLY MY ICONIC VERBAL TIC, PAL!!!” Jack Hammer screeched out in the angriest tone possible while he and the rest of his haunted tool comrades hopped and skidded away from the angry pursuing ghost, more concerned about his verbal tic getting used by someone else than the fact he’s getting chased.

Lydia, having watched all this go down from the store entrance, can’t help but giggle from the hilarious sight. She only has four iconic words to describe this whole situation:

“Here we go again!”

And just like that, the vitriolic routine between an angry ghost that likes to act extra and a haunted tool group that likes to throw out “fraud handyman” allegations continues… No hardware store lesson is ever going to change that, not even by the might of the magical contract… Looks like they’re in for some more of that vitriolic rollercoaster ride that is life…

House of the Annoying Apparatuses

THE END