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For a large part of his life, Dean had felt that 'love' was not in his vocabulary. It was not something that had ever been given to him, instead, he had been taught to fight for it. He had been taught violence like it was breathing, how to torture and defend and fight and kill and never let something get the best of you.
Love was no exception. He was simply not worthy. Too bloody, too bruised, too ugly and raw and wrong. So when Dean meets an angel, his feelings are made concrete. The very thing he could never be - perfect - stood right in front of his face. Angels, for one thing, were beautiful, in every sense of the word. They seemed to be made flawlessly, the perfect soldiers.
Over time, Castiel introduces a new idea to Dean, consisting of contradictories. He learns that angels are not at all perfect, that they are not all mighty beings and that they too, can be like Dean. He sees this in Castiel the most.
"It is almost as if you are made for love," Castiel shares with him one night. Dean disagrees, of course, because he thinks that Castiel sees in humans what nobody can see. He does not know of a single person who could have shown him the kind of love Castiel is speaking of. Something stops him from voicing this though, and instead he tries to enjoy the short lived company of the angel by his side. Castiel has something Dean does not (many things, really). He has an appreciation for humans. What Dean has only ever seen as dull and messy Castiel sees as colorful and complex.
He likes to imagine it, finding solace in a cup of coffee or going to the grocery store. He fantasizes about holding hands and beach dates and stupid inside jokes. He does not think he was born for love, that he was only bred to fight.
Castiel makes him think differently. It starts small, a comment here about how determined Dean is and a comment there about how Dean was strong. This goes on for a while, where Castiel rips him open with a simple comment and moves on like Dean is not bleeding in front of him. His fantasies of love start to evolve. The hand he holds is large and steady, the eyes he looks into are bright and blue, the joke he tells gets a head tilt and he hears his own laugh fill the empty space.
He thinks that maybe the very thing he had always felt like he was missing was simply just love and now that he was desperate for it he would take anyone. It's almost a whole year later when Dean realizes that that night, Castiel had not been talking about humans, he had been talking about Dean. It hits him like a bullet to the heart and has him choking on his own blood. Castiel had always thought he was made for love.
So, mistakenly, he thinks he can see himself love as well.
He lets himself slip into a potential future with Cas. Something warm and content and intimate and so full of love he feels as though it was never missing. Like staring at the sun shining on your face, it was almost hard to see, but easy to feel. Dean let's Cas stand a little too close, he lets him rummage through his bag when he's bored or ask him a million questions about a movie they are watching. Maybe that missing part was always just Castiel and Dean realizes that he was not born without love, just born to miss what he could only have later in life.
Time goes on and his love for the angel grows. It sets his body on fire and fills him with what can only be described as pure desire. He waits and wants and waits and wants until he feels as though he cannot take any more, and then he waits and wants some more. The urge to reach out becomes stronger as Castiel shows him what unconditional love means. And when Dean chooses to show Castiel the ugliness, chooses to show him how fucked up and ugly he really is, Castiel does nothing but watch.
Then he looks at Dean's mess and tells him he is beautiful. To be open and raw and bleeding and for Castiel to still think of him as beautiful, he is sure that love exists.
Dean Winchester loves Castiel. He wants to tell him, to whisper it in the dead of night when it's just the two of them. To watch as Castiel's eyes widen at his confession and that stupid smile to cross his face. He wants to lean in and see what it feels like to kiss an angel, if it's really as magical as his brain has led him to believe.
Dean wants to love him, but beings with wings were never meant to be caged, and that's all Dean's heart was. A giant, iron cage meant to trap those gullible enough to believe it could be anything more than. Cas was an angel, a being meant to fly and soar and rise above sky's he could only dream of reaching for.
But, he lets himself bask in the warmth of his thoughts. Those little 'what ifs' giving him more than he believes he is worthy of. He lets himself believe that one day, he will be able to reach out and hold on without being forced to let go.