Chapter Text
Carol’s bedroom
Carol tugs Zosia’s shirt over her head and lets it fall carelessly to the floor. For a beat they simply look at one another, breathing heavily. Then, as if pulled by the same desire, they collide again in a deep and urgent kiss.
Soft sounds fill the room as the kiss grows more frantic. Carol’s hands trace over Zosia’s shoulders, sliding down the curve of her back, feeling the warmth of her skin. Suddenly, Carol stiffens and takes a step back, her breath catching.
“What?” Zosia asks, her voice raspy between heavy breaths.
Carol doesn’t answer. She places her hands on Zosia’s waist and gently turns her around. With careful fingers, she unclasps Zosia’s bra, letting it slip to the floor to join the scattered clothes.
Her touch lingers as her gaze falls on the deep red scar that marks Zosia’s back. Slowly, she reaches out and brushes her fingertips along it. The shift in her mood was immediate. Desire turning into something heavier- guilt.
Zosia feels the shift. She turns back to face Carol, searching her eyes. “We… I… am okay, Carol. Please don’t be upset.”
A small tear escapes before Carol can stop it. “I was a fucking ass,” she whispers. “It was my fault.”
Zosia shakes her head gently and lifts her hands to cradle Carol’s face, her thumb brushing away the tear. She pulls her close and presses a soft kiss to her lips. “Shhh, Carol. Let me make you happy” she murmurs.
Carol knows Zosia or the “others” main purpose is to make her happy.
Carol leans into the kiss, letting it pull her back to the present. The past can’t be undone, but it doesn’t have to control this moment. Whatever mistakes she had made, they were behind them. All that matters now is the warmth of Zosia’s hands and the quiet reassurance in her touch.
Carol gives into Zosia taking control, the air between them is electric as their kisses grow urgent again and Carol realizes how deeply she’s missed this kind of closeness.
Zosia guides Carol back onto the bed, tugging her sweatpants and underwear down her legs. Carol lifts herself just enough to pull her green tank and sports bra over her head in one swift motion, tossing them aside without breaking the rhythm between them.
Zosia glides over her, straddling her hips. The heat of their skin meeting sends a shudder through Carol. Her eyes flutter as a soft moan escapes her lips, she’s suddenly overwhelmed by the sensation of being pressed so intimately against someone she wants this badly.
She can feel Zosia’s gaze on her slow- almost worshipping. The look in Zosia’s eyes makes heat creep up Carol’s neck, a feeling of self-consciousness tightening in her chest.
Before she can overthink it, she slides her hand up to the back of Zosia’s neck and pulls her down into a hard kiss. At the same time, she lifts her hips to meet her, and the hungry moan Zosia lets out sends a wave of heat straight through her.
Hands start to roam urgently, grabbing and digging, nails dragging across skin as if neither of them can get close enough. Carol slips her hand between their bodies, finds Zosia’s center, and eases a finger inside her. Zosia’s mouth falls to Carol’s neck as her own hand moves lower.
The moment Zosia’s fingers find Carol’s clit, her back arches off the bed. “Zosh…” she breathes out.
Carol is usually slower. She loves the build, the teasing, the slow unraveling. But tonight the need is to strong and immediate. She doesn’t want patience; she wants sensation. She wants Zosia inside her, wants to feel her fall apart, wants to feel everything all at once.
Zosia keeps circling her clit, each touch sending electric pulses through Carol’s body. “Zosia… please,” she pleads, their eyes locking. Zosia’s lips are parted, her breath heavy.
Carol presses deeper, sliding a second finger into Zosia. Zosia’s head tips back, a raspy “Carol…” spilling from her lips. A second later, Zosia pushes two fingers inside Carol. “Yes, oh God, Zosia.”
Their hips begin to move in unison, grinding against each other’s hands- chasing the friction and the release. Zosia leans down until her forehead rests against Carol’s.
“Cum with me,” Carol exhales, the words shaky.
Zosia nods, breath hitching. Carol cups her face, guiding her back just enough so she can see her. There’s something different in her expression. It’s raw, open, almost vulnerable and it makes Carol’s stomach tighten.
They move together, moans mixing in the space between them, bodies straining in perfect sync until the tension is too much. The release hits hard and fast, pulling them both over the edge at the same time, their foreheads pressed together as they unravel in each other’s hands.
They lie still, trying to catch their breath. Carol’s arm rests across Zosia’s stomach, rising and falling in quick, uneven rhythm. The room is quiet. Carol’s mind is anything but—thoughts racing, and swirling around. For once, she imagines Zosia’s might be the same.
But then again, Zosia’s mind is never just her own.
After a few long minutes, Carol clears her throat and leans close, her lips brushing Zosia’s ear. “Are they… did that… upset them? What we just did?”
Zosia smiles and rolls onto her side to face her. “No. We—” She stops herself, shakes her head lightly. “No. I’m not upset, Carol. That was…” Her warm voice trails off. Carol nods softly. “Yeah… it was.”
Zosia’s hand drifts slowly up and down Carol’s arm, absentmindedly. They hold each other’s gaze. Carol leans in and presses a gentle kiss to her lips. Soft and unhurried, nothing like the urgent and needy heat from before. She exhales and rests her forehead against Zosia’s.
It’s as if Zosia can feel a question still lingering within Carol.“Talk to us…” she begins, then winces slightly. “No. I’m sorry. Talk to me.” Their eyes meet again.
Carol closes her eyes for a moment, steadying herself, then shifts to sit up, her back against the headboard. She pulls the sheet up around her chest, feeling vulnerable in this moment.
“How do you do that?” she asks quietly. “Can you block them out? Just now, when we were… that felt different. You were you, Right? Just Zosia… not the others?”
Zosia sits up beside her, with a furrowed brow and pauses to think. The pause stretches a little too long for Carol’s liking.
“Zosia… it was just you, right? It wasn’t like there were millions of people in this room with us? In this bed…feeling this… ” Carol motions between them with her hands. There’s a crack in Carol’s voice now and it frustrates her that she is coming across so fragile in this moment.
Zosia blinks a few times, then nods. “Yes. Yes. Just me.” She swallows. “I’ve never experienced it before. I can’t really explain it. It was like… my mind went quiet. I couldn’t feel or hear anything except my own thoughts. I felt only you.” she says with a surprise in her voice.
Relief floods Carol’s face. She reaches for Zosia’s hand and holds it tightly as she lets out a breath she had been holding.
“So… you liked it?” The question feels embarrassingly vulnerable. After a decade with the same woman, she suddenly feels uncertain, out of practice, like she’s learning something new.
Zosia turns toward her fully, her expression soft but certain. “I. Loved. It.”
She draws out the pronoun deliberately, and Carol catches it. Zosia is trying—really trying.
Carol’s heart swells as she pulls Zosia closer, guiding them both back against the pillows. They settle beneath the sheets skin to skin.
“Carol, I require sleep now,” Zosia murmurs drowsily.
A soft smile plays on Carol’s lips. She kisses the crown of Zosia’s head and tightens her arms around her. “Goodnight, Zosh.”
Within minutes, Zosia’s breathing deepens and evens out, her body grows heavy with sleep. Carol stays awake, holding her, listening to the quiet rhythm of each breath. The room is still, but her thoughts are not.
A sharp ache hits her chest at an old memory. The last time she had laid like this with someone else. Helen.
Carol squeezes her eyes shut, willing the image away. Helen is gone, she reminds herself. Gone.
Her mind wonders more. Was this another manipulation tactic by the collective?
If so, how was it possible that Zosia was just herself? She had felt it. She looked into her eyes and knew it was different. She stares into the darkness, unsure of what this is between her and Zosia, unsure where it will lead or what either of them expects. Everything feels undefined.
But for the first time in a long while, she doesn’t feel empty. With Zosia’s steady breathing against her and the warmth of her body close, Carol feels something she hasn't in a several months.
Alive.