Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Yuji is always stealing Megumi’s stuff, but it’s not exactly that he does it on purpose. Megumi thinks that he’s just forgetful like that. They’ll hang out and then Megumi will leave something behind or he lets Yuji borrow something and forgets to take it back.

It's not a problem, since their rooms are right next to each other. They often pop inside and steal whatever the other person took back, but it's almost always Yuji taking things from Megumi and not the other way around.

Right now, Megumi’s looking for one of his sweaters and he can’t seem to find it anywhere. He’s sure he left it in Yuji’s room or that Yuji actually took it himself. Megumi had let him borrow a sweater or hoodie or two once before and now it’s like Yuji’s taken this as an invitation to just wear Megumi’s clothes whenever he wants to.

There were times where Megumi had taken his sweater off and then Yuji snatched it from him immediately, putting it on himself happily, as if he had been waiting for Megumi to take it off. 

Megumi definitely doesn’t mind it, although he always complains, saying Yuji has several hoodies and sweaters of his own to wear. His own clothes look far better on Yuji than they do on himself though. 

Megumi’s not exactly in denial about his feelings for him. He’s known he’s had a crush on Yuji for years now. Although calling it a crush feels like a grave understatement. It feels like an insult almost, after everything that they’ve been through. 

Megumi sighs, looking around his room one last time before fully deciding that he did leave it in Yuji’s room. He steps out into the hallway and quickly walks over to Yuji’s door, knocking on it softly once he reaches it. 

“Itadori,” he calls for him. He knocks a few more times once there’s no answer. “Itadori.” He knocks again. He’s still met with silence. 

Megumi shrugs. Yuji enters his room all the time unannounced. Megumi shouldn’t have to knock either. He waits in front of the door for another moment though, purely out of habit, before turning the knob and walking inside. 

Yuji’s room is a little cluttered, like usual. Megumi pulls the covers back on his bed, thinking the sweater might be there. He sighs once he’s met with nothing but bedsheets. 

He pulls the covers back and moves onto Yuji’s desk. There’s a few shirts thrown over his chair and Megumi picks them up, looking underneath them for his sweater, which he doesn’t find. 

He rolls his eyes. He goes to put Yuji’s shirts back where he found them on the chair but then pauses as he glances around the room again. It’s as if it’s messier than it normally is in here. 

Megumi folds Yuji’s shirts up and places them back inside his dresser where they’re supposed to be. He shakes his head at Yuji in thought. He finds himself tidying up the rest of his room as he continues to search for his sweater. 

It isn’t in his closet. It wasn’t in his bed. It’s not in his dresser. It wasn’t hiding under any of the various pieces of clothing slung around randomly. It isn’t in the bathroom. It’s not in the hamper for dirty clothes. 

Their dorm rooms aren’t very big at all. Megumi feels a little frustrated as he tries to pinpoint where it could be. He thinks it's stupid that he hasn’t found it yet, when there aren’t many places it could be hiding in the first place. 

He hums in consideration, thinking that he hasn’t checked under the bed or any other furniture. He crouches down and looks around the bottom of the desk. There’s surprisingly nothing down there that needs to be cleaned. 

Megumi hums again as he moves over to the bed. There’s various boxes and books as well as papers cluttering the space. Megumi lays down on his stomach as he inches himself under. 

The books and papers all pertain to classes they attended years ago when they were students. The further Megumi goes under the more he finds. There’s manga that’s been collecting dust. Megumi wonders why Yuji doesn’t just sell it or donate it if he clearly doesn’t read them anymore. He pushes them to the side as he keeps looking. 

He peeks inside a box and there’s random trinkets and memorabilia inside, no doubt from conventions Yuji’s dragged Nobara and him along to. Once again, Megumi wonders why he bought this stuff if it’s just hidden under his bed now. He moves past those as well and continues on. 

He goes so far that he reaches the wall near the other side of the bed. He glances up at the crack of space between the wall and the mattress. He looks back down at the various random items around him and his eyes land on a pile of manga that’s actually clean. 

It seems out of place for some reason, as everything else down here has dust all over it and has clearly gone untouched for a while. The top of this pile is spotless. Yuji’s probably been rereading it. Maybe he feels nostalgic for the manga of his high school days. Megumi’s heard him ramble on about how they just don’t make shonen the way they used to anymore. 

He rolls his eyes again at the thought. He reaches for the book at the top and brings it closer to his face so he can read it in the dark. 

Megumi’s eyes shoot wide open. Whatever he’s holding is definitely not manga. 

Women surround the cover, all of them being dressed in lingerie and posing in an excessively lewd fashion. It doesn’t leave much to the imagination. They might as well be wearing nothing, but Megumi doesn’t even know what it would look like if they were naked. He couldn't be more inexperienced here. 

He’s never seen anything like this before. He’s never stumbled onto suspicious websites and he’s somehow never gotten strange advertisements online. Whenever he’s gone out shopping or been in certain districts around the city, of course he’s seen things, but Megumi’s never come face to face with it like this. He’s never had any hands-on experience. 

Hands-on. 

Megumi drops the magazine onto the floor and his head hits the bottom of the bedframe as he jolts back. 

He touched it. Is it weird that he touched it? This is porn. This is very clearly porn. Why does Yuji have porn? Why is Yuji hiding porn under his bed? 

Megumi’s head turns as he looks back at the pile he picked it up from. He glances around it uneasily, realizing just how much of it there is. 

Isn’t one porn magazine enough? What’s the point of having so many? Variety? Megumi wouldn't know. Why does Yuji have porn? Just how much does he have? How long has he had it for?

It’s just been under his bed this whole time— for who knows how long. Megumi has sat on his bed. He’s fallen asleep in his bed. The rest of their friends have been in here from time to time too. Yuji just has porn in his room. 

Megumi supposes that it’s not uncommon. He tries to calm himself down but his face is turning red. He knows porn is a normal thing to be into. He thinks it is anyway. He’s never watched any. He’s never read any. He’s definitely never bought any. He’s never hidden any under his bed. 

Megumi thinks that everyone he knows must indulge in porn. It’s an extremely private thing, so he’s never really considered it. He’s never thought about it too decisively, but he guesses that it makes sense. People masturbate and have sex and look at porn. It's natural. Megumi definitely doesn’t want to think about anyone in his life doing any of those things though. 

The image of Yuji flashes in his mind without warning— Yuji on his bed late at night. Yuji reaching down through the crack of space between the wall and the mattress. Yuji pulling out one of these magazines. Yuji… doing things while looking at it. 

Megumi’s head hits the bedframe again and he mumbles a small ow. His body feels a little warm. His skin is fidgety almost like he just got out of a fight or finished a sparring session. 

Megumi doesn’t really touch himself. He thinks he might be a little weird for it but then again he doesn’t think much of it. He’s tried. He’s given it a bit of thought when he was bored or tired and couldn’t sleep, but it never really feels like much when he does it. 

He thinks maybe he doesn’t know how to do it. Looking up how to masturbate is far too stupid and embarrassing though, even if no one else would know about it but him. Megumi digressed, deciding that it didn’t matter. 

Sometimes he’d find himself getting an erection suddenly. Unfortunately and terrifyingly he would sometimes wake up with the straining feeling and then his thighs would push together almost on their own. It’s only a problem because it typically tends to happen while sleeping next to Yuji. 

He’s felt Yuji’s body pressed up against him once or twice upon waking up. He’d move away quickly, thankfully not managing to wake Yuji as he'd sit up and pull away from him in bed. 

Megumi sometimes thinks that if he tried to think of Yuji while touching himself, that it would be easier. But then he thinks that the idea of touching yourself while fantasizing about someone is incredibly weird and definitely creepy, and also, in a way, disrespectful— and he doesn’t want to do that to Yuji. 

They’re friends above anything else. Their friendship comes first before any of Megumi’s other feelings. His strange, confusing, fidgety feelings. 

Megumi glances between the magazines of porn. He scratches at the back of his hand, feeling apprehensive, feeling unsure. He has to admit, he’s morbidly curious. It’s not his place to be under Yuji’s bed, snooping through his stuff. But then it’s not Yuji’s place to be stealing his clothes and then also looking so good while wearing them and then being so distracting in general and then being so full of life and then being so captivating and then being the last thing Megumi often thinks of before falling asleep at night and then—

Megumi’s head hits the bedframe again. He groans, rubbing his scalp, feeling annoyed along with a slew of other emotions. 

This is Yuji’s fault somehow. Megumi wouldn’t even be under his bed if not for him taking his sweater, which Megumi’s sure he did take it. All thoughts of finding the sweater escape him though, as he picks the magazine back up with shaky fingers.  

He doesn’t really know what he’s supposed to be thinking as he’s staring at the women on the cover again. He thinks that he should be getting a nosebleed. He should be having his overly exaggerated virgin moment of finding porn for the first time and being excited. But Megumi doesn’t feel excited. His skin feels hot but he thinks that it's more out of embarrassment than anything else. 

He flips the magazine open, not knowing at all what to expect. Each new page is pretty much the same as the last, if not more erotic somehow. 

Women in several sexual poses wearing several sexual things. In some pages the women are completely naked. In others they might as well be due to what they're wearing. 

Some parts of the magazine advertise things, like sex toys and DVDs. The women act as, in theory, great advertisements, showing off how certain products look. It’s filthy. Megumi feels himself blushing harder although frowning. 

He can respect the thought process of the producers or people behind the publishing. Surely any normal person who enjoys watching and looking at porn would be into this. It’s very well crafted for the type of audience that it’s trying to draw, but Megumi doesn't think he fits into this demographic. 

The thought scratches slowly along his mind, that this is Yuji’s porn. His fingers flex around the edges of the page slightly. Yuji has laid in bed reading this no doubt. He might have even sat in his chair or on the floor, looking it over. 

Megumi wonders if this is what Yuji likes. He’s heard him and Todo go back and forth before, not exactly debating but rather dissecting their tastes in women. Even Nobara and Yuji have talked late into the night opening up to each other about their thoughts on models and idols and actresses alike. 

Megumi was in the room both times. Everything about Todo is intimidating and overbearing but he thankfully didn’t attempt to rope Megumi into their discussion. He’s sure Yuji would have somehow taken the heat off of him and brought Todo’s attention back to himself instead anyway. Megumi isn’t so lucky with Nobara though, who’s presence is almost, in a way, more abrasive than Todo’s is. 

“You’ve got to have a type, Fushiguro,” Nobara had accused him. “I don’t want to hear any more bullshit about, ‘Oh, I just want them to be nice’ like before.” She grimaced at him. 

Megumi sulked, not wanting to have that conversation again, but then Yuji’s laughter distracted him. Whatever he was about to say to Nobara escaped him as he turned over to face him. Yuji's smile was blinding. Megumi could get lost staring at it forever. 

“Fushiguro does have a type. You just don’t like his answer so you disregard it.” He smiled brightly. 

Nobara rolled her eyes. “Body type. I want to know your body type.” She stared into Megumi expectantly, patience waning by the milliseconds. 

Megumi parted his lips, not even knowing what he was about to say, but Yuji’s laughter cut off his train of thought again. He answered for him. 

“He likes a good heart,” Yuji smiled. “A heart shaped just like this.” He cupped his hands together, making a heart. Nobara groaned with another roll of her eyes. 

“Heart type isn’t the same as body type.”

“Sure it is,” Yuji said, “It’s like the outline of your soul.”

“No it isn’t though.” She narrowed her eyes on him. 

Yuji giggled faintly and their conversation resumed. Nobara didn't try to drag Megumi back into it, which he was grateful for… 

Now, Megumi would never tell anyone this, but Yuji is his type. Exactly. Undoubtedly. Without exception. Yuji is the perfect example of a good person. 

Yuji is sweet and kind and he selflessly goes out of his way to protect people, to include people, to make them feel safe. He believes in second chances, even when the people in question definitely aren’t deserving. 

Yuji is too perfect. He’s good to a fault. It eats away at Megumi’s skin a little, thinking that Yuji could potentially get taken advantage of because of his nature— thinking that Yuji could be deceived or blindsided by entrusting someone who isn’t deserving of such a thing. 

No one feels deserving in a way. Of Yuji, of his presence, of his attention, or his time. Megumi is included in that as well of course. He’s one of Yuji’s friends. He’s bled and fought and broken bones with him. For him.

Megumi knows that he’d die for Yuji. He’d gladly go out of his way to ensure his safety, even if it meant putting himself in danger. And if anyone ever did get close to Yuji and ended up treating him poorly… Well, Megumi doesn’t like thinking of what he’d do to this hypothetical person if it came to that. 

Yuji isn’t like anyone Megumi’s ever met, and he’s incredibly out of Megumi’s league. All of his friends have their own ideas about the type of people that they’d in theory want to be with. Maki once said she’d only be interested in someone if they were stronger than her. Megumi thinks he can clearly understand what she means in her saying that. 

Yuji deserves someone strong— not just in Sorcery, but in spirit, in mind, in soul. And no one could ever be possibly good enough to be deserving of Yuji. Megumi knows he’s not excluded from this either. 

He has this hierarchy set up in mind for Yuji, but it's ultimately out of Megumi's control. He doesn’t have a say about whatever hypothetical person Yuji will end up with. It will be Yuji's decision. And Yuji likes what he likes.

Yuji likes women. He likes magazines showcasing them in lingerie and wearing and promoting sex toys. And that’s purely Yuji’s business. Megumi’s not allowed to have any sort of opinions on this. He tells himself that he’s not allowed to anyway, as he flips the magazine to a close and sets it aside.

He reaches for another one, figuring that he’s already looked through one and that another glance at a different issue can’t hurt. It’s strictly out of curiosity— out of the slight desire of wanting to know what Yuji finds appealing, and out of the slight intrigue of wondering what porn magazines really look like. 

Megumi goes through the various pages. He swiftly moves onto another issue and hums judgingly. He creates a new pile of the ones he’s gone through and it slowly starts to grow in size as opposed to the ones he hasn’t looked at yet. 

He reaches up for another one, shifting under the bed a little and making sure he doesn’t bump his head again. He pauses and turns his head, feeling confused as he notices another pile behind the one that’s been dwindling. 

More porn? Is Yuji a pervert? Who has this much porn? Is this normal? Megumi shrugs a little, deciding that it must be. He shudders again at the thought that everyone he knows has porn hidden under their beds. 

He reaches further, groaning as he grabs the magazine off the top. These don’t have any dust on them either. Yuji probably rotates through reading each one. 

Megumi thinks it’s a little strange, the idea of needing material to look at in order to… well, you know. But then he thinks that he’s been pretty unsuccessful every time he’s tried doing anything himself, and so maybe this is just the sure fire method at doing it. 

He hums in consideration, hazily thinking that looking up porn later could be an idea. But then he shakes his head, quickly disagreeing with himself. This stuff really doesn’t interest him. It never has, and he wouldn't wanna rely on it anyway.

Megumi brings the new magazine closer and once again his eyes widen. His head bumps annoyingly into the bed and he grumbles. The faint pain goes away though as he stares down at the magazine in his hands. 

It’s still porn but it’s of… men? He assumed women were the ones typically showcased in porn or sexual material. It’s almost more erotic in a way, seeing it be men— seeing so many men posing and wearing revealing pieces.

Megumi’s face burns hot like he has a fever. His fingers actually tremble as he flips the page. 

“Jesus,” he mutters. 

It only gets worse once he turns the page. Fully naked photos. Pictures of men posing together with everything on full display. Sex toys, like the previous ones— It’s just like the previous ones in theory and application but… Megumi feels so much more embarrassed for some reason. 

He continues flipping through the pages and he almost chokes as he’s met with a picture of a man with another man’s dick in his mouth. 

His head hits the bed and he doesn’t even register it. He brings the magazine closer to his face— almost not believing it— not believing what he’s seeing. 

This porn is nothing like the other ones, he’s realizing. The other issues were clearly meant for men who enjoy looking at women, but this one…

Megumi carefully sets it aside and pulls his body closer to the rest of the pile. He spreads the magazines all out, not even thinking to try and keep them in order or keep them arranged neatly anymore— and the rest of them are all like this one too. These magazines are intended for a male gaze as well, just like the ones showcasing women, but for an entirely different audience. 

Megumi feels his heart beating harshly in his chest. It suddenly dawns on him what exactly he’s doing, what exactly he’s been doing for the past… wait, how much time has even passed now?

Megumi goes to reach for his phone to check the time but finds it difficult to angle his arm right with how he’s pressed under the bed. A bead of sweat rolls down from his forehead. He thinks he’s panicking. He coughs, trying to clear his throat and focus. He grabs the magazines from his original pile and quickly places them back as they initially were. 

He goes to reach for the other pile but his hand starts shaking. The thought splinters into his mind, obviously, indecisively and without any argument— 

Itadori likes guys? 

It should have been the first thing to cross his mind once he found this, as this is all under Yuji’s bed. It’s not as if he’s holding it or hiding it for anybody else. The idea of that would just be plain stupid. 

He likes girls and guys?

Megumi feels like he could throw up for some reason. He tries his best to place the magazines full of men aside properly. He begins inching his way backwards and out from under the bed. 

His back hits the bedframe and he ignores the impact, not caring and just wanting to get out before someone— god forbid Yuji himself— finds him down here. 

Megumi glances up slightly, eyes locking with a stray magazine that he somehow overlooked and didn’t put back with the others. He thinks to push further under again and just place it back, but then his panic runs down along his neck. He feels his hairs standing up on edge. 

Megumi groans, reaching for the magazine and holding it close to his chest as he inches out from under the bed. He moves all the boxes and papers and manga back in their place once he’s out of the way and then he gasps, almost like he’s come up from a body of water— almost as if he’s nearly survived drowning, as he stands and then swiftly exits the room. 

He lingers for a moment, his hand remaining on the doorknob, his body remaining under the doorframe. He looks back over his shoulder. He glances around, wondering once again where his sweater is. The feel of the magazine under his fingers serves as a clear reminder that his sweater does not matter right now though, and his face flushes again as he closes Yuji’s door and—

“Fuck me!” Megumi falls back into the door out of surprise— or shock— or maybe horror. Standing right in the middle of the hallway, right in front of the door, is of course, Yuji. Megumi wants to die.

“Woah,” Yuji smiles, laughing a little. “Did I scare you? Sorry.”

Megumi clutches the magazine to his chest more. He can feel his heartbeat thumping against his hand violently. 

“Fuck,” Megumi sighs, catching his breath, praying his heart relaxes. 

The pages of the magazine crinkle in his hold a little. He pulls his hand away from his chest and onto his side, taking the magazine along with him, trying to hide it. 

He looks into Yuji’s gaze, feeling so apprehensive that even calling it apprehensive isn't enough. Yuji just smiles though, oblivious, as he waits for Megumi’s breathing to settle. 

He sighs out shakily, thinking maybe he’s in the clear. Yuji clearly doesn’t notice. “Don’t just pop up out of nowhere like that,” Megumi frowns. 

Yuji’s smile widens. He almost laughs again. “In front of my own room?”

Megumi’s eye twitches. He presses his arm into his side more as he attempts to hide the magazine better. 

“Yes.” His face burns. 

Yuji laughs softly, shaking his head. Megumi’s feet feel wobbly. 

“What were you doing in there?” Yuji asks, clueless. “Were you looking for me?” He smiles mischievously, but then his eyebrows raise as he snaps his fingers. “Or, wait—” Megumi grimaces. He thinks he would be fine dying right now— “What’d you leave this time?”

“I didn't leave anything,” Megumi frowns, correcting him. “You stole. You’re a kleptomaniac.”

“What?” Yuji points at himself in confusion. He laughs shortly afterwards. “Is this about your clothes again?”

“You have your own clothes,” Megumi says, walking away from him but then stopping. His eyes scan over Yuji’s body. He grumbles and narrows his eyes. 

“That’s my sweater.” 

It didn’t even occur to him because of how freaked out Yuji had him initially. He’s still freaking out, obviously— he’s holding Yuji’s porn between his arm and the side of his stomach.

Yuji glances down at himself with a soft look of surprise, like he hadn’t realized it was Megumi’s sweater either. Idiot. He smiles again as his eyes meet Megumi’s.

“Looks better on me, right?” He places a hand under his chin as he stands haughtily, almost posing. 

“No.” Yes. Yuji looks the best when he’s wearing Megumi’s clothes. He looks better than anyone else could ever dream of looking. 

“Give it back,” Megumi frowns. 

Yuji pouts playfully as he starts laughing again. Megumi’s face feels even more fidgety as he stands there listening to his laughter, as he looks into his smile. 

Yuji pulls the sweater up and off of himself. He sighs softly as he hands it to him. Megumi wraps it around his arm quickly, securing the magazine under it and putting his mind fully at ease. 

“What’re you doing right now?” Yuji asks, completely ignorant. “Did you wanna watch a movie?”

“No,” Megumi answers quickly. “Ask Kugisaki.” He turns to open his door. 

“Aww,” Yuji deflates a little. “She never wants to watch anything good.”

“Since when is Human Earth Worm considered good?” 

“It’s peak media!” Yuji defends. 

“Shut up, Itadori.” Megumi shakes his head. 

He pulls the door open and disappears inside, shutting it behind him quickly. He locks it, leaning against it and sighing out of relief. He can still hear Yuji whining from out in the hall. 

“You sure you don’t want to watch something?” he asks, his voice rising to carry through the door. “Your movie picks are better than Kugisaki’s.”

Megumi rolls his eyes. He clutches the magazine to his chest, still feeling twitchy and hot and uncertain of everything. He decides to ignore Yuji when he registers his cursed energy still waiting in the hallway. He doesn’t know how to get a good response out right now. He grimaces, cursing Gojo in his head for placing their rooms right beside each other. 

“Well just come and find me if you change your mind,” Yuji calls out. Megumi hears his door open and close back. 

He raises an eyebrow, turning to face the wall connecting their rooms as if Yuji can see him. They can see each other in theory. They can read the others’ cursed energy. 

“I don’t have to find you, you’re right next to me,” Megumi speaks a little louder so his voice travels. He knocks his fist against the wall, emphasizing his words. 

“I know that,” Yuji calls back. Megumi feels the thump of his fist against the wall as well. “You knew what I meant.” Megumi did, he does. 

“Shut up.” He hits against the wall again. 

Yuji’s quiet on the other side and Megumi holds his breath, as if waiting for Yuji to notice something is off with his room. Megumi cleaning it up for him isn’t anything out of the ordinary, so he doesn’t expect that to take Yuji off guard. But the idea somehow seeps into his brain that Yuji is going to notice his porn has been touched, like a sixth sense or something. 

Megumi stands in the middle of his room, perfectly still, waiting. He realizes he’s being ridiculous at some point once it's been silent on Yuji's end for too long. He scratches the top of his head with a deep sigh. 

He removes the magazine back from under his sweater and shudders a bit again once looking at it. He just stares at it for a while, not really knowing what to think or what he should be thinking. 

There’s too many things to unpack here. Yuji having this. Yuji having this. Megumi taking it. Accidentally, but still. He can’t explain this away. His better consciousness is looking down on himself.

He opens his top desk drawer and places it inside there. He shuts it back and inches away from it, staring nervously into the spot where it’s now resting. He tells himself not to worry about it and to go on with the rest of his day, now that he finally has his sweater. 

He pulls it on with shaky fingers. He places a hand over his chest. His heartbeat has calmed down at least. He grips the fabric tightly. Yuji does look better in it than he does. He can still feel his warmth lingering inside of it, as it settles around him. 

Megumi is completely screwed. Yuji's magazine is burning a hole into his drawer. It’s searing a hole into his room— into his life. No matter what he finds himself doing, he can’t help but passively think about it. 

Itadori likes men as well as women? 

There’s too much evidence supporting it. There’s no room for Megumi to believe that he’s being delusional here. 

Itadori has porn under his bed. Does he have any more of it? 

It’d be almost unrealistic to think there could possibly be any more, right? The stash that Megumi found was already so much on its own. 

Itadori has porn under his bed… that I accidentally stole. 

Again, Megumi tries to reassure himself by saying it was an accident. And it was. He didn’t go into Yuji’s room intending to take anything. Well not anything except for things that were already his, like his clothes. 

It’s not like Megumi knew what was down there. It’s not like he meant to take it. He was panicking. He didn’t have any time to go and put it back. He had no choice but to take it with him. Still, it doesn’t feel like a good enough excuse. 

No one knows about this, so the only person who Megumi’s trying to defend his actions to is himself. He shakes his head at his reflection in the mirror. 

Look at this guy. What the hell does he think he’s doing? He flicks his forehead on the glass and sighs. 

What Megumi should do is try to put it back. Perform a sort of hail mary stint operation in which he sneaks back into Yuji’s room and places it under his bed where it belongs. 

And it would be so easy too. Yuji’s room is right beside his and all he’d have to do is wait for him to leave and then hope he doesn’t come right back. Or he could even use his Technique, making this operation easy-easy. 

The thought crossed his mind before, to hide the magazine in his shadows and fully eliminate his worries about someone finding it in his room— especially Yuji, but that would be such a trivial waste of cursed energy. And there’s also no point in hiding it at all, when what he should be concerned with is returning it. Which would be easy. 

Megumi scratches the back of his neck as he grumbles, not wanting to accept the truth that’s painfully laying out in front of him… He doesn’t want to give it back. Not because he wants it— no, no. It’s almost like in a way, he’s stopping Yuji from looking at it by having it. 

Now with that mentality, he should go back and steal the rest of the porn and then throw it away or burn it... Yeah, he’d definitely burn all of it if given the chance. 

That idea crosses his mind too, but Yuji would obviously notice if all the magazines go missing. Megumi’s still incredibly worried that he’s going to pick up on the fact that this one in particular is gone. 

He feels more irritable than normal. Yuji still smiles at him and speaks to him as if nothing is wrong, because to him nothing is, of course. Yuji has no fucking idea what type of crisis Megumi’s gotten himself into, and that it’s his fault. Megumi is still putting all of the blame on Yuji for this.  

He feels nervous being around him and anyone else for that matter, as if they can all somehow sense what’s up. As if they can all see he’s keeping something secret. 

Megumi avoids looking people in the eye. Even passers by on the street start to seem like they’re suspicious of him. But of course, no one actually knows anything. 

Megumi’s anxiety softens a little after a week’s passed. He still can’t bring himself to enter Yuji’s room— that’d be returning to the scene of the crime. 

Nobara gives him a look one day, when he declines hanging out with them again. She looks on like she’s about to ask something, like she knows something, but then she shrugs and Yuji and her continue talking about something unimportant. 

Megumi swallows down hard on his saliva. He’s sure that if Yuji was going to notice the magazine missing, he would have already by now. He thinks that it could still be possible that he hasn’t noticed. 

Yuji does have a good amount of porn down there so maybe he just hasn’t gotten around to reading or looking at it again. Megumi thinks that Yuji must have a rotation in how he looks at it, but then again, he must have his preferred issues that he tends to look at more than others. 

He shakes his head, trying to will away the thoughts of Yuji looking at porn and whatever else that might allude to. 

Even when Yuji will eventually notice it’s missing, it’s not like Megumi’s in any danger. What’s Yuji going to do? Ask him point blank if he was in his room and under his bed and going through his porn? Yuji’s not going to ask Megumi if he stole it. He can’t possibly suspect anything. It doesn’t make any sense. 

It doesn’t make sense to think anyone would take it. The most logical thought would be that Yuji just lost it all on his own. 

Megumi breathes out slowly, nodding to himself, figuring he’s in the clear. This still only takes away about 12% of his torment though. 

Yuji likes guys. Megumi stands a chance. That’s the first thought that comes to him when vividly thinking about it. But then his gaze falls a little, his face shifts into an uncomfortable expression. 

He stands a chance? Yeah, right. Megumi? Not only is he nowhere near as deserving as anyone else but he’s also even less deserving than that. 

Yuji would be better off with someone like Yuta. Someone with that type of kindness. Yuji would be better off with someone like Tsumiki, with her type of soft disposition. He might even be good with someone like Nobara, with her fiery spirit. 

Megumi doesn’t think Yuji dating any of his friends or anyone he knows for that matter is an actual reality to be worried about. Whoever Yuji will end up with is someone far out of his radar and someone who he hopefully doesn’t have to actually meet for a while still. 

Once they retire as Sorcerers, Yuji will probably settle back down in the country. He’ll find a nice person there and start a family with them. That’s what Megumi imagines. That’s what he thinks would be best for Yuji. 

If he could pull and take and mismatch different likable traits from his friends and family and smash those all together, he can sort of see a potential outline of what Yuji’s future someone could be like. Should be like. No one is deserving of Yuji but Megumi has the perfect type of person in mind for him. 

And he’s unfortunately nothing near being that type of person. And it’s not possible for him to be. He used to think this person, whoever they’ll end up being, would have to be a woman though. Now the image has become a little skewed. It’s lopsided. 

Yuji likes men. How did Megumi not know that? What does this mean? Yuji likes their bodies if anything. He likes them so much that he’s bought several magazines showcasing them.

Megumi lays awake in bed at night, staring up into the ceiling and rubbing his fingers over his chest. The fabric of his sweater is soft and it makes him think of Yuji. He can’t help but picture Yuji wearing it, how much nicer it falls over his shoulders than it does Megumi’s. How much more suited for Yuji it seems than on him. Looks better on me, right? His voice rings in his ears. Megumi can’t push his blush down. 

Yuji’s away on a mission tonight. He’s been away from the school for a day or two now. He isn’t in his room. Now would be the perfect time to put the magazine back…

Megumi sits up from his bed. He slowly opens his drawer. He holds the magazine in his hands carefully, like it’s an important object. He handles it softly like it might bite him if he grips it too tight. 

He steps out into the hall and then enters Yuji’s room. It feels warmer than it does in his own. Megumi likes how the shadows hang over everything. It’s like he’s draped himself all across Yuji’s walls and his chair and his bookshelf and his desk and his bed. Megumi sits down on the edge of it.

He thinks he wants to permanently envelop himself in Yuji’s life. Protecting him, ensuring that he never gets hurt. Yuji doesn’t need the protection. He’s strong enough to look after himself. In body and mind and soul. 

But still, Megumi thinks he’d like to become Yuji’s shadow if he can. As long as Yuji will have him around he’ll be there… he doesn’t want to ruin that because of his weird feelings. 

He goes to move over the bed and toward the crack by the wall, so he can reach down and place the porn back. Something stops him though. 

He imagines himself putting it back where it belongs and then stepping back out of the room and into his own, but then he realizes that he’s still just sitting here and he’s actually done nothing at all. 

He almost feels accomplished, his brain managing to trick him a few times, convincing himself that he completed the task even though he’s still just sitting here, unmoving. 

Megumi’s fingers tap against the mattress lightly as his heart trembles. His leg begins bouncing at a rhythm and pace that he can’t control. He closes his eyes tight as he takes a deep breath in and out. 

Megumi pushes up off of the bed and remains standing for a moment, before heading for the door and escaping to his own room. He falls into his bed, defeated. Pathetic. 

He groans, thinking this is stupid and he’s stupid and that he took something from Yuji and that he should return it to him no matter how strange of a thing to own it is. 

He shakes his head, pulling the covers back over himself and burying his face into his pillow. He’ll just sleep this worry away. He can’t think about it if he’s unconscious.

But sleep still doesn’t come. As if his guilt is gnawing at him, as if this is a curse that he can’t shake and has no idea how to expel, he just cannot for the life of him fall asleep. 

Megumi sighs as he rolls over and onto his back. His mind goes blank as he zones out. The faint touch of the magazine becomes hazily apparent. He glances down but doesn’t see it. He pulls the covers up and somehow it’s lodged itself beside him, resting near his leg. 

He tiredly takes hold of it, bringing it up to his face and overlooking the cover. His face grows a little hot but he’s too exhausted to be embarrassed. Well, the longer he looks the more he does blush. 

There’s a strain in his underwear. There’s a tension that lingers across his spine. Megumi shifts around on the bed, trying to get more comfortable, but the feeling he has doesn’t go away. 

He sighs, hoping it will disappear on its own, but knowing that it won’t. He places a hand over himself on his pants and breathes out a little, feeling hesitant. He can’t even remember the last time he did anything or tried to do anything. 

Megumi remembers his thought from before, about considering going online and finding things to watch or look at. The magazine bleeds into his hand as he lightly grinds against himself. 

This isn’t because he’s horny or because he wants to. This is experimental, if not anything else. Megumi’s mind is too hazy with sleep deprivation to care. 

He flips the magazine open as he rubs over his pants. He moves slowly, sluggishly, almost reluctantly. The images are crude but… Megumi can’t control his reactions to them. He feels himself getting harder. He holds himself tighter. 

Itadori does this. The thought scrapes along his mind. Itadori does this, right behind me in his room. It’s all too easy to picture. 

Yuji’s laying in bed and bored out of his mind or simply just tired and unable to sleep, like how Megumi is right now. He reaches down for his porn. His body hangs over the crack between the wall and the bed as he filters through his selection, looking for whatever he wants that night. His eyes darken as he takes hold of his pick— the same issue Megumi’s holding right now. 

Megumi’s mind stifles. He short circuits. Yuji has read this exact magazine. He’s laid in bed doing things while looking at it. He’s held it… Megumi’s fingers crease the pages. 

He holds them tightly like he can still feel Yuji’s hands over it, like he can still absorb some of his warmth. He brings the pages up to his face, smelling it before he really knows what he’s doing. His lips press into it and he breathes out, shaky, as he brings his hand into his pants and rubs over his underwear. His fantasy resumes.

Yuji’s laying down on his stomach with the magazine resting open on his bed. He brings his hand down into his underwear. His fingers trail over himself. Small breaths and sighs escape his mouth beautifully. His eyes close and his face trembles as he moves his hand faster. 

Megumi presses his face into the page, eyes shut, imaging it. He moans quietly as he strokes a finger up. He places his hand inside his underwear, fully touching himself now. He wraps his fingers around tight and keeps them there. He swipes his thumb over the head, movements slow and fluid. His body shakes. His legs twitch as he spreads them wider under the covers. 

Yuji’s movements are the opposite from his. He goes faster, ever faster as his head cranes back and then falls forward again with a moan. His hair droops down along his forehead. His noises are quiet enough that no one else would hear them. It’s for that reason alone that Yuji lets himself be a little louder. 

His body begins moving along with his hand. He meets his strokes, thrusting up into his hold. He becomes even faster. It’d look like he was humping the bed almost if you were watching him. In a way, he is— humping and pushing quickly against the bed, against his hand, as he strokes around himself. 

Megumi begins stroking too. He swipes his thumb over where some wetness has barely leaked out. His hand slides down carefully. His face rubs into the cold of the magazine’s pages. 

His breathing is shallow and slow, along with everything else in this moment. The only outlier is the beating of his heart. It drums loudly and steadily inside his chest, ready to pop out, ready to bleed open for Yuji. 

Yuji… Yuji shudders into himself as he cums. His lips are parted and he doesn’t halt his movements, even as his body begins shaking violently, almost convulsively. He doesn’t settle down. He pushes himself even further, whining in all but a wonderful whisper that Megumi wishes he could actually hear and not just imagine—

His better sense returns to him then. He gasps, as if coming up for air. His eyes shoot open and his stroking stops. He pulls the magazine away from his face, throwing it towards the end of the bed. 

Megumi’s expression shifts into one of discomfort, but he has no one to stare at disapprovingly. This expression is meant to be targeted towards himself. His face falls even further. His frown deepens as his fingers twitch around his length. 

He’s hard. Painfully so. It’s warm and wet inside his underwear, but Megumi knows he hasn’t cum. There’s a lot of slick though, like he has. He can’t remember if he’s ever gotten this wet before. It makes sense that it would be because of Yuji. 

“Fuck,” he mutters. 

He can see Yuji laying back in bed now, asleep and content as he snores softly… He has no right imagining Yuji like this. He has no right looking at his porn. 

“Fuck.”

Megumi takes his hand back out of his underwear. He groans as he looks at his fingers, sticky and warm and fidgety. He swallows down harshly. He pushes out of bed and heads for the bathroom. He’ll clean up and then go to sleep. For real this time. 

Megumi feels like the most terrible person in the world. His guilt is hanging over him, so much so now that it’s seemingly become apparent. 

“Fushiguro, are you okay?” Yuji asks casually. 

Megumi’s crouched down, tying his shoelaces. Yuji stretches in front, waiting for him. They’re standing at the end of one of the many training fields in Jujutsu High. Their friends shout and groan ahead of them, sparring and fighting restlessly. 

“Sure, why?” Megumi huffs as he stands up. He rolls his shoulder before walking further into the grass, past Yuji. 

“Don’t know. You just look a little tired,” Yuji shrugs. He’s quick to follow after him. “Everyone’s been saying so. Maybe you’re working too hard.” He smiles. It’s blinding. Yuji’s smile could set the whole world on fire. 

“No. I’ve been exerting myself the normal amount.” Megumi glances away from him. 

“Okay, but all work and no play is a cause for concern.” Yuji punches his shoulder. Megumi stays looking elsewhere. 

“You could ask Ieiri for some tips to help destress,” Yuji offers. Megumi glances up at him. His smile has turned a little suspicious. “Or you could ask meee.”

“I don’t want to go see some movie with you.”

“Awww,” Yuji sulks. “But I promise you’ll like this one better than Human Earth Worm.”

“I’m sure that the movies would be the same in quality,” Megumi sighs. Yuji blinks rapidly, looking at him intently. “Meaning that it’d be bad,” he frowns. 

Yuji’s pout deepens, “But it’ll help you destress.”

“It’ll just stress me out even more.” Megumi throws his hands up and slides his feet along the grass, taking a fighting stance. “Now no more talking about movies.”
Yuji throws his hands up as well, taking a similar stance to Megumi’s. 

“But Fushiguro—”

“And no references either,” Megumi stops him, feeling like he was about to do some stupid impression from some stupid film. Something no one understands or comprehends or even finds vaguely familiar. 

“Fine,” Yuji sighs. Their conversation drifts away as they stare into each other, waiting for the other one to make a move. 

Yuji throws the first punch and Megumi blocks it. He tries to let his thoughts drift off as he focuses on their sparring, but Megumi is incredibly stressed out. He can’t tell anyone about it and a visit to Shoko definitely won’t help. 

He still hasn’t returned the porn. He’s had a million chances to do so and yet he still hasn’t. It’d be easier than breathing to just place it back under Yuji’s bed, so why doesn’t he? Megumi can’t pinpoint a clear reason. He thinks he’s entirely fucked up. 

Yuji’s magazine stares at him from inside his desk drawer. Megumi stares back at it, heart beating rapidly, a metronome showcasing his guilt. 

He takes it out of the drawer and holds it. He just sort of holds it sometimes, not really doing anything else with it. He looks at it, only the front cover, and reads the large letters splashed across it. 

The words are lewd and the name of the magazine as well as the name of the publisher are extremely unfamiliar. There are supposedly enticing tag lines. There’s the mention of actors or other celebrities, saying that they’re photographed inside the issue, most likely trying to entice people to buy. 

Megumi doesn’t recognize their names either. The magazine is clearly from America. Megumi commends himself for being able to read the English lettering so well. Some things escape him a little but he thinks he has a good enough grasp on it regardless. This isn’t a magazine focused on the words printed in it though. Clearly. 

Megumi throws it back into his drawer. He tries to go on with his day like it doesn’t exist, like it doesn’t matter, but the thought of it digs into his skin. It’s the worst at night. It calls out to him, extremely enticing then. 

He does his best to distract himself. He walks around the grounds of the school, taking in the midnight air, and attempting to clear his mind. 

He gets a drink from a vending machine. He watches the trees sway in the darkness. He listens to bugs chirping. His body doesn’t settle down though. 

Megumi remains outside to avoid his room. The magazine is in there. As long as it’s not close by he can prevent himself from doing anything stupid. But he has to return eventually. And a part of him wants to— but he tries to push that down. He naively thinks he can fall asleep without issue, but as if as punishment for being a creep, the tension along his skin stays, and sleep doesn’t come to him. 

It’s a trap. More like a test from the universe. Megumi’s never been big on religion but he’s aware of some of the basics. There are many stories throughout various forms of religion showcasing a person undergoing tremendous torment. 

They’re tested in a way. Cruelly backed into a corner with nowhere to go except down. And the test is meant to be a show of your character. If you’re a good person, you’ll stay exactly where you are. You won’t fall further into your bad decisions just because it’s what’s easiest. You’ll lay awake at night with your already muddy track record and suffer the consequences you’ve incurred upon yourself, but you won’t make matters any worse. 

These thoughts alone might have been enough, if Megumi was religious. But he’s not. He feels as if he’s already too far gone at this point anyway. He’s standing in the water with his torso already completely submerged. He might as well fall the rest of the way in, no? Terrifyingly, he wants to. The part of him that’s become too curious— too muddled with the mere thought of looking at the porn. 

He takes the magazine out of the drawer. He doesn’t do anything while looking at it. He just looks at it. He holds himself back. He somehow manages to fall asleep as his eyes trail over the pages. He feels disgusting when he wakes up and is lying against it. 

He pushes it away but then quickly runs his hand over the pages, trying to keep it from wrinkling. He has to remind himself that this does belong to Yuji. He wouldn’t want to return anyone’s things to them in a worse quality than it was when he borrowed it. 

Megumi’s convinced himself that this isn’t stealing. He’s going to return it eventually. This is just borrowing. He’s going to return it. 

He looks over the pages when there’s nothing else to do in his room. He unfortunately and without intending to, thinks about it when he’s busy, away from Tokyo on a mission. 

The thought crosses his mind on the plane ride back, that he could carry the magazine around with him. He could be looking at it right now. He doesn’t have to deny himself. He’s already sullied himself. 

But then he shakes his head quickly, not sure where these new thoughts are coming from and how and why they’re coming to him more and more often. It’s Yuji’s fault, undoubtedly. This is all his fault. 

Megumi’s hand trembles over himself in his underwear, once he’s back in his room. He’s lately found that he’s attempting to touch himself more. He almost can’t help it. He feels cursed. This isn’t him. He’s better than this. 

He doesn’t entirely know what he’s doing, as he tries to replicate the feeling from before, where he got so wet that it was all over his palm— he was so wet and he hadn’t even cum.  

He still refuses to look up any information that could in theory help. He doesn’t allow himself to look at the magazine while doing it either. If he happens to be looking at the magazine and gets the urge, he puts it away. But not looking at it almost doesn’t matter. 

The magazine has practically infested his room— his mind, in a perverse haze. Megumi can’t stop thinking about it, no matter where he is or what he’s doing. It’s awful. 

He doesn’t need the magazine in front of him. He can imagine the pages fine on his own. The one that clearly comes to mind is one of the first pages he saw… The one with a man taking another man in his mouth. 

Another that he can picture all too well… The one of a man arching back, seemingly in great pleasure, as another man holds his waist, clearly deep inside of him.

Megumi wonders if these pictures are taken during real porn shoots of some kind or if this is mostly fabricated. Now you can’t fabricate having some guy’s dick in your mouth but Megumi’s sure they can edit and tweak the pictures to make them look different from what they were originally.  

Focusing on the logistics of it kind of takes away from it all though, so Megumi doesn’t worry about it. The men in the pictures look like they’re having fun. Their expressions add onto everything else— the arousal, the perversion, the erotic nature of it all. 

Megumi doesn’t recognize himself as he continues thinking about it, as he changes his grip around himself and groans. 

He sits up from his bed and takes hold of the magazine, finding that he can imagine the pictures just fine on his own, but not seeing why it matters to not look at the real thing when he’s already got it. 

He stares into the man’s expression. He looks between him and the other man behind him, thrusted into him. 

Megumi doesn’t think any of the models are exactly attractive. It’s more about the idea of everything. Once again, the nature of it. Even looking at the magazines of the women had him feeling hot in a way. Not because he liked what he saw but just because it’s, well—

Megumi doesn’t have a good way of explaining it, even to himself. He feels his body shaking even as he barely moves his hand, even as he remains above his underwear. 

He thinks he’s cumming as he breathes out funny. He feels a wet spot growing through the fabric. His spine tingles in this strange way he isn’t used to. It only gets worse the more he looks at the magazine. 

Megumi doesn’t want to look anything up on the internet even though it’d be too easy and even though it might clear his conscience in a way. He’d still be looking at porn but it wouldn’t be Yuji’s porn that he’s looking at now, that he’s touching himself to. 

It keeps getting worse. The magazine isn’t like the internet. He can’t ask it any questions, but he can still figure things out from it. 

Megumi places his fingers along his ass, squeezing the skin there, spreading himself open. He rubs over his asshole and shivers, wondering how anyone actually does this. He soon figures out that it’s easier with saliva. It’s easy once you wet your fingers. 

Megumi cries out shakily in his bed. A steady stream of liquid flows out of him and runs along his thighs as he arches up. He crooks his fingers even more, not stopping even once it starts to hurt. 

He always imagines Yuji going until he can’t anymore. When he imagines Yuji reading this and when he imagines Yuji touching himself to it… he always goes on until his body seemingly can’t take it. Until his body can’t inflict that sort of pressure on itself without involuntarily pulling away. 

Megumi’s breathing is shallow as he stares up at the ceiling. His heart’s a flutter and his mind’s a mess. It only gets worse. 

Picturing himself as one of the men in the magazine becomes a racy and earth shattering thought once he has it. He questions how he hasn’t thought about it before— how such a novel idea has escaped him this whole time. 

And once the thought is there, it does not go away. Instead of pictures of the models popping up in his head, unwanted and distracting throughout his every day, the images he sees are now him. Himself. Fully naked and fully vulnerable and fully taken advantage of. 

Now he can’t take advantage of himself, but Megumi runs with the idea. If he was starring as one of the men in the magazine, people would jerk off to him all the time. Unbeknownst to him. Completely unknowingly. 

It’s not exactly the same as being taken advantage of, but it’s almost like he’d be objectified. Viewed as some type of sex object or whore. He doesn’t know why his body practically buzzes at the thought. 

He thinks of Yuji in this hypothetical scenario, buying porn with him in it— intentionally looking for issues featuring him. 

Does Yuji want to fuck the models he sees in the magazines? Does he want the models to fuck him? Is that what he touches himself to when looking at them? 

Would he want to fuck Megumi? Would he want Megumi to fuck him, if he was someone in these issues?

The orgasm Megumi has while thinking about it, is maybe the best orgasm he’s ever had. Then another brilliant idea shoots rapidly into his mind— Yuji and him being showcased in the issue together. 

Megumi didn’t know it was possible to get so hard again so quickly after just having cum already. He shamelessly touches himself to the thought, his mind feeling too far away and too gooey to care. Several of the pictures throughout the magazine flash in his mind, but instead of the models, it’s Yuji and him. 

Yuji on top of him. Yuji holding his neck, gripping him tightly. Yuji licking along his ear. Yuji trailing his fingers through his slit. Yuji’s hand on his erection. Yuji stroking him. Yuji taking Megumi in his mouth. Yuji inside of him. Inside of him. 

“Fuck.” Megumi shakes so badly once he cums that he thinks his body is spasming out. “Shit.” He can’t stop himself from trembling. 

The guilt hits him like a freight train though, as his body starts settling down. He can’t be imaging Yuji like this. He can’t keep looking at this magazine. He has to stop. 

And even though the idea of that sounds and is entirely possible, Megumi finds that it actually isn’t. If it seemed possible before, that was a long time ago. That was too many fantasies ago. 

Every night, sometimes just randomly throughout the day, he’s touching himself. It’s never been this good before. He’s never been able to make himself cum really. The amount that comes out now as opposed to before is a clear testament to that. 

Megumi’s definitely found the cheat codes when it comes to masturbation, but it’s incredibly disrespectful. It’s unfair and wrong and dirty and he knows better. He should know better. 

He’s becoming so perverse. The darkest parts of him likes it. He gets off to the fact that he shouldn’t be doing this— doing any of this. His perversion and his better judgment are in a constant fight of wills. It’s clear who’s winning.

Megumi tries to hold a sort of intervention for himself. He sits down in the middle of his room and takes a heavy breath as he clasps his hands together. 

You need to stop. He tells himself. You have to stop. He sits crisscrossed with the magazine resting in front of him. You can touch yourself without thinking about Itadori. He’s lying to himself. You can touch yourself without thinking about him or anything else. 

Megumi glares at the magazine, as if it’s sentient in a way and has actually enticed him, invited him, offered him it’s help. He shakes his head. He doesn’t need it. 

You don’t need it. Imagine how you would feel if Itadori was doing this same stuff to you...

The thought is supposed to be one of self reflection. It’s meant to make Megumi realize the error of his ways by means of comparison. But such a thought only makes his face flush incredibly red. 

The thought of Yuji jerking off to the thought of him, let alone while holding onto one of his things— in theory if Megumi had porn of his own— the thought of Yuji jerking off while looking through Megumi’s porn… and while imagining himself in the issue… and while imagining Megumi along with himself—

“No, no.” Megumi shakes his head, feeling dizzy. “Fuck, what’s wrong with you?” He clasps his hand over his forehead. He’s already getting hard. “Fucking idiot.” 

This is Yuji’s fault entirely. Megumi can not be blamed here. He was just trying to find his sweater. That was all. How was he supposed to know what he was about to get himself into?

“Jesus Christ,” he sighs. 

The intervention is ultimately a bust. Things continue to go on as they have been for the past week now. Megumi imagines multiple things while touching himself. Sometimes he doesn’t have to imagine, he just looks at the magazine. 

He’s gone from picturing Yuji and him in the pages to just fully imaging them having sex at this point. He deludes himself by saying it isn’t Yuji. It’s just someone who looks similar to him. 

It’s just a nondescript person with pink hair and brown eyes and a sunny smile and deep abs and a muscular build and who is taller than him. He doesn’t even sound like Yuji. He just… sounds like someone who sounds like Yuji— that’s not the same thing. 

Although there’s no talking in the fantasies, just grunts and curses amongst anything else. Adding dialogue is a whole other step that Megumi isn’t prepared for. He wouldn’t know anything about it anyway. He doesn’t know what people say to each other while having sex. 

He goes to think about it. He readies his brain in almost hesitation before fully deciding to take the plunge and imagine it— But then he stops himself, as if his feet stumbled and he almost fell off the precipice. His better judgment holds him back. 

The better version of Megumi, the Megumi before all of this started, stares at him sternly in the face. He grips his shoulder and pulls him away from his doom. 

Don’t do this. He warns himself. It’s only going to get worse if you do this. The better version of him frowns. Megumi imagines it. He can see a past him looking down on himself, shaking his head, giving a disapproving glare. He knows he shouldn’t keep thinking about Yuji but it’s impossible to stop. 

I know, he thinks to himself. Knowing that he shouldn’t isn’t enough now…

Megumi. 

He can hear Yuji saying it. 

Megumi. 

He doesn’t think he’s ever heard Yuji call him by his first name. 

Megumi. 

Once he hears it, it doesn’t stop. 

Megumi. 

Yuji saying his name is more than enough. He imagines it in a dark, hushed tone, like he wants him. Like Yuji thinks about Megumi in the same way Megumi is always, always thinking about him. 

He cums in his hand, guilty and way too far gone to stop. His own name echoes in his mind. He imagines Yuji’s voice, full of desire as he says it.  

Megumi thinks that if they were actually having sex, he would be saying Yuji’s name back to him. Not Itadori, but Yuji. His lips part as he breathes out. Megumi doesn’t think he’s ever said Yuji’s name all on its own before. 

“... Yuji,” he whispers. It feels like a curse on his tongue— Unwanted— Not right. But then it can’t be a curse. 

“Yuji…” It can’t be a curse when Yuji’s name feels so light, so airy to say. 

“Yuji.” It is a curse, spewing out of Megumi’s mouth and not coming from someone deserving instead. 

“Yuji.”

But that doesn’t stop him. Not now. 

“Yuji,” he whines, over and over again. 

Megumi finds his fingers moving on their own, as he says Yuji’s name to himself, repeating it for what feels like eternity. The syllables slur together on his tongue. He pictures the kanji and the spacing and the lettering— and he wants to eat the characters— bite into them with his teeth. 

Megumi. 

Yuji saying his name back at him pierces through his mind. He imagines their names slotting together, being whispered from each other’s mouths, and filtering between their lips until there’s nothing else left. 

Yuji, Megumi, Megumi, Yuji, Yuji, Yuji, Megumi, Megumi, Yuji, Yuji, Megumi, Yuji—

Over and over and over until Megumi can’t form a single thought.

He thinks he cums so hard that he passes out. Once he wakes up in the morning, he doesn’t even remember falling asleep. 

Not looking at porn is a lot more challenging than Megumi thought it was. He supposes that he never went through this phase as a teenager and so this has just been a long time coming. He tries to make himself feel normal about it but there’s nothing normal about the series of events that have led him to where he is now. 

There’s nothing normal about picturing you and your friend having sex together, and there’s nothing normal about touching yourself to the idea. Yuji deserves better than this. 

Megumi tries to distract himself with other things, but it’s hopeless. No matter what he does, he ends up touching himself again, and the thought of Yuji, in any way shape or form, doesn’t escape him while doing so. He’s worried it never will. 

Yuji’s always resided in his brain— in his heart— but now he’s lodged himself into Megumi’s psyche in a perverted haze that feels too good to stop.  

Megumi tries to stop it. He pauses his stroking one day when fantasizing about him. He bites his lip and draws his hand back, not allowing himself to cum. 

This almost works. Instead of fully denying himself, he enters this game of give and take with himself, seeing just how far he can almost push himself over the edge before stopping altogether. 

It’s agonizing. He’s unsuccessful at stopping himself completely but the practice of pausing and resuming and pausing has him dizzy. He thinks it feels better too, once he finally does cum, which should make this a pointless form or self torture. He’s supposed to be punishing himself. And he is punishing himself still, although some methods work better than others. 

He’s punishing himself by not seeing his friends. He wants to. He feels anxious about it, about simply leaving his room. He’s worried that somehow someone will notice, that they'll take one look at him and know what he’s been doing— know everything. That’s not actually possible, but it’s concerning. 

And besides feeling weary around his friends, it’s ten times worse with just Yuji on his own. It doesn’t matter if it’s just the two of them alone or not, although Megumi’s escaped any scenario that has arisen lately where he is almost left alone with him. 

He ducks into another room. He throws out a quick excuse. It’s not always possible. Yuji’s a pillar in Megumi’s life. He can’t fully avoid him. And when he is around, when Megumi is forced to be in close proximity with him, he feels like his heart is going to burst out of his chest. His skin feels like it’s vibrating. 

He likes Yuji. Megumi’s known how he feels about him for a while now, but with this slew of new feelings— with this sudden perversion of himself— it’s like he’s fallen for Yuji all over again, in the worst way possible. 

He’s so distracting. Even just the rise and fall of his voice is something Megumi blushes from. Even just the way he tilts his head, or the way his smile spreads across his face— the way his lips part when he’s eating. The way he blinks, how his eyelashes flutter. 

His muscles. The way his muscles tense when he’s training. The way he stretches. The softness of his hair, the way it frames his face. The warmth of his eyes. The sharpness of his teeth. The veins in his hands. His smell— his everything. 

Megumi’s hyper aware of Yuji. He always is and always has been, but never before like this— not exactly at least. So many thoughts trail around about Yuji in his mind. They all circle, a railroad of thoughts each connecting to the same basic thing, that more than anything, Megumi wants—

No. He stops the thoughts before they go any further. He shuts the trains down. He snaps the tracks in half. He pushes the carts onto their sides so that they can’t move anymore.

Megumi doesn’t want anything from Yuji. He doesn’t. It’s a lie, clearly. Megumi can’t make himself go crazy with imagining anything more with Yuji than he already has been as of late. 

The fantasies have gotten worse. They’ve gotten so much worse since Megumi’s invited dialogue into the scenarios. Although, the dialogue only consists of their names being sewn together. 

It’s something so simple that Megumi thinks it’s even more perverted that it gets him off so well. The thought of his name leaving Yuji’s lips… The thought of hearing Yuji say Megumi in that dark and desperate tone that he imagines… destroys him completely. 

He doesn’t let himself linger on the reality of it too much. Megumi doesn’t want anything, after all. If he did, he would maybe want Yuji and him to be intimate. All of his imaginations are, but they’re smothered too much in the lust of it all. 

It’s not romantic. It’s not sweet. If such a thing were real— Yuji and him being together— then Megumi would want them to be different from what they are now in his head. 

That’s why he leans into the arousal of it, into the idea that if Yuji did want him, it’d be in this objectifying, lustful way, and nothing more. That Megumi would almost be exactly like the magazine. Just a tool for Yuji to use to get off. 

When Megumi imagines his name leaving Yuji’s mouth, it’s like that. When Yuji says it, it’s like Megumi’s his. Like Yuji owns him. Like he’s nothing if not only a thing, a toy for Yuji to do whatever he wants with. 

Megumi tries to play the victim, when he feels guiltier about it all. He tells himself this is Yuji’s fault, but any truth that was originally behind that statement has long since dissipated. Megumi knows he’s the only one there is to blame here. 

He blames himself over and over again as he rubs his fingers along his rim and as he slowly strokes around his length. He squeezes right under the head once he feels that he’s close. He cries out quietly into the dark of his room, and feels so good yet so horrible, that he has no idea what to even do with himself anymore. 

Megumi thinks he’s dying. He thinks this might actually be some type of curse chipping away at his sanity. 

He makes a bigger effort to distract himself throughout the day. He picks up a few new books and tries and fails at retaining the information. His soul twitches. His body begs for him to be doing something else instead. He denies himself. He tries to ignore it. 

He stupidly thinks drinking more coffee will help the problem. It doesn’t. It just makes him more fidgety. More irritable. He listens to new music and finds that this is the best distraction of them all, but still not good enough. 

Even if Megumi can manage going through a whole day without touching himself, he can’t resist it at night. He lays awake, finding that he’s become an insomniac, maybe another curse, or one sewn into this one. 

It’s too quiet at night. It's so deathly quiet that it's annoying. His thoughts are a strict contrast to his surroundings. They couldn’t be louder or needier. 

He touches himself and feels as guilty as he thinks someone could ever possibly feel guilty about something. His cum leaks out across his fingers as his body trembles and he feels so good that he can hardly breathe. 

There’s a strong duality of emotions here. This give and take— this self judgement pressing against this disgusting want. Megumi feels like a terrible person. Sleep always comes easy to him, once he’s done being a pervert. 

In the morning he sits in his bed, his back leaning against his pillows. He’s continuing in his quest of distraction, although it feels pointless. He’s been finding new bands that he likes as well as albums and EPs. He tries to space out and not think about anything at all. 

It can only last for so long though. He feels someone’s bright energy bouncing down the hall with a hint of mischief. Megumi’s life was already chaotic enough before, without the added addition of porn and masturbation and fantasizing. He groans before Yuji even pushes the door open. 

“Yo, Fushiguro!” Yuji waves, smiling widely, clearly in a good mood, as per usual.

Megumi pulls his headphones down and rests them around his neck. The sound of the instrumentals are still distinct in his ears.  

“Itadori,” he sighs. 

Yuji bursting into his room randomly isn’t anything out of the ordinary. Megumi hadn’t locked his door so it’s fine. He supposes it’s fine, or that it normally would be. 

He can’t remember the last time Yuji has been in his room lately as opposed to before… well, before everything started. 

Megumi feels a little on edge, having him standing inside here right now. Lately, if they’ve been alone in a room together, Megumi would just leave, but that won’t work right now. 

Yuji glances around like he’s looking for something. He walks over to Megumi’s bookshelf and holds his chin. 

“Did you need something?” Megumi tilts his head.

“Yeah,” Yuji nods. “I can’t find a pen. All mine are dried out and all of Kugisaki’s are glittery.” 

Megumi hums as he stares across his face. Looking into Yuji’s eyes, along with his smile, is too much even with the space between them in the room. Megumi sighs to himself, looking back down at his phone, thinking that it’s best not to look at him.

“I swear you have a whole bunch of pens somewhere,” Yuji muses. 

“Try the desk,” Megumi says. 

His mind screeches to a halt. 

Fuck! 

Why did he say that? The magazine is in the desk! His brain had defaulted. He wasn’t thinking about it. Normally there’s nothing in there that would raise any eyebrows. He’s never had to hide anything in his room before. 

“Ah thanks,” Yuji smiles. 

He steps over to the desk and pulls the bottom drawer open. Megumi sighs out faintly, thinking maybe he’s in the clear. Maybe the pens are in there and Yuji won’t look any further. 

Yuji hums as he closes the drawer back though. He reaches up for the top one and— Oh fuck, Megumi’s doomed for sure. 

“Itadori—” Megumi holds his hand out, trying to stop him. 

Yuji pulls the drawer open. It’s like time freezes as his eyes widen. Megumi’s whole face goes blank. He thinks he could fade away into the shadows and never be seen again. 

He can’t face Yuji about this. His heart is pounding. There’s nothing he can do. He’s been caught.

“Oh, hey,” Yuji smiles, the soft surprise on his face the only change to his expression. “No way, Fushiguro, you read this?” He looks over at him. 

Megumi’s cheeks are burning. His mouth is agape, not knowing what to say, not knowing what’s happening. 

“U—Um.”

“I have the same one,” Yuji laughs. 

“I,” Megumi tries to speak. “Uh.” He stammers. Nothing substantial is coming out. “Y—You don’t—”

Yuji’s laugh brightens the room. Megumi has no idea what’s happening. 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to be embarrassed,” Yuji says, although he’s blushing a little. “I had no idea you’d be into this type of stuff.” He looks into the drawer, clearly scanning his eyes over the cover. 

Megumi’s hand hasn’t moved from where it’s stuck out in the air. He’s petrified. No words are coming out. He doesn’t know how to explain.

But Yuji doesn’t know. He doesn’t know this is his porn. He thinks that Megumi just happens to have the exact same one. 

Megumi’s skin vibrates under his clothes. He’s shaking, bad. Yuji can not know about this. Yuji was never supposed to find this out. 

“You need to do a better job of hiding it though,” Yuji notes, still looking down at it. He reaches his hand over and closes the bedroom door. Megumi feels his unease growing as Yuji fully takes the magazine out of the desk and holds it in his hands. 

What the fuck. 

Yuji’s quiet as he flips it open. He does so like it’s manga or a newspaper or, well— Not porn! But it is, and he thinks it’s Megumi’s. How can Yuji be so casual about this?

“Um,” Megumi falters on his words again. 

He scratches the back of his neck, finally being able to move his hand back down. He feels twitchy in the worst way as Yuji stands there looking it over. 

“You know, I’ve actually misplaced mine,” Yuji says, oblivious. “I’ve been looking for it.” He flips another page. 

Megumi’s heart is beating so loud now that he’s worried Yuji can hear it. His body won’t settle. It feels like his skeleton is going to jump out of his skin. 

“I,” Megumi tries to speak. He holds his hand up again. 

“Wait,” Yuji says. His eyebrow crooks slightly. 

No. Please. 

“This is mine!” Yuji looks up at him. 

Megumi’s mouth is agape. He doesn’t have anything to say. He’d love to just die. 

Yuji bursts out laughing again. Megumi's brow furrows, confused— panicked. All his negative emotions are meddling together.

“I can explain,” he tries— even though he has no idea how to explain. Yuji waves him off though as his giggles subside. 

“No, no, it’s okay. I don’t mind,” Yuji says, tone warm and reassuring. “We steal each other’s stuff all the time, right?” 

Megumi’s brain stifles. He doesn’t know what he would imagine Yuji’s reaction to him finding him out would be like but… Megumi should have known better than to doubt Yuji’s kindness and understanding. Yuji is the best person he knows after all. 

That doesn’t change the fact though, that he doesn’t know the full story. Yuji would be completely horrified, surely, if he knew everything. But there’s no way of him finding out the rest, right?

“Uh— I,” Megumi stutters. 

“Hey, I mean it. It’s okay,” Yuji grins. “I really don’t mind.” He glances down at the magazine shortly. “How’d you find it though? I thought I kept all my stuff pretty well hidden.”

Any words that Megumi tries to form in his mind and push out of his mouth don’t come to him. It’s like trying to turn on a lightswitch when the power’s out. It’s like a string of incorrect formulas put into a calculator. A big error sign is all that you get. Megumi can’t think of anything at all. 

“Wait, were you under my bed?” Yuji tilts his head at him. His eyes gleam with curiosity but also a hint of mischief, like this is entertaining or fun for him. Whereas Megumi would like to be dead. He’d be fine dying right now. 

Yuji’s stupid grin only grows the longer Megumi’s quiet— the longer he tries to formulate some sort of explanation or reply. 

“Oh my god, you were. You little creep,” Yuji teases. 

Megumi can feel his blush spreading over his cheeks as he tries to stammer out a response. He pulls on the collar of his shirt and shoves it over his nose. He turns his face away. 

“It’s not what it seems like,” he mumbles. His embarrassment is chewing away at him, but anything is better than Yuji knowing the whole truth. 

“It seems like you were snooping through my room and found my porn,” Yuji smiles slyly, his voice gradually becoming a whisper. 

He steps over to the bed and Megumi buries his face in his sweater more, trying to block Yuji out from looking at him. 

“I thought maybe you had seen it somewhere else but…” Yuji’s words pause. Megumi takes a deep breath, not wanting to pop his head back out to look. “But no, you saw all of it, huh?” Yuji asks, not a hint of shame. 

He’s teasing Megumi about him finding it. Megumi should be teasing him about having it in the first place. 

“How am I—” He sticks his head back up and Yuji’s face is far too close to his. He pulls back on the bed. Yuji is standing over it, smiling down at him. Megumi inches away further, putting some space between them. 

“How…” Megumi tries to speak, not remembering exactly what he was going to say. Yuji’s amusement only seems to be growing. Megumi has to look away from him. He pulls on his collar again, covering his face. 

“... Why do you even have so much of it?” His voice is a bit muffled. He hopes it masks his embarrassment. 

“It’s not that much,” Yuji shrugs. Yes it is. “What were you doing going through it?” He teases again as he nudges Megumi's shoulder. He jolts away from him. Yuji laughs shortly in response. 

“Fushiguro, I’m messing with you.” He nudges him again. Megumi’s eyes squeeze shut, like if he can’t see anything then this isn’t actually happening. 

He feels Yuji’s body sit down onto the bed though, and then he has to open his eyes. Yuji’s sat himself beside him and Megumi could inch away from him more but he’d just end up hitting the wall. And he’s sure Yuji would follow him all the way and then he’d almost be pinned between Yuji and his pillows and— that’s— no, no, no, none of this is right. 

“It’s alright,” Yuji reassures him again. “I’m not mad or anything.” The playfulness in his expression softens. Their shoulders bump as Yuji holds the magazine down in his lap. “I had no idea you were so nosy though,” he teases again, smirking. 

“Can you shut up?” Megumi feels himself shaking. 

Yuji giggles. He flips open the magazine. Megumi glances down at it but then quickly looks away. Yuji bumps his shoulder on purpose this time. Megumi slightly turns his face over to look at him. 

“Which page is your favorite?” Yuji asks, too casual. 

“Uh.” Megumi doesn’t know what to think or say. 

“You know, the page you look at the most?” Yuji asks, way too fucking casual. Too curious. Megumi doesn’t have any room to feel like Yuji’s being invasive though. Not after everything. 

Yuji tilts his head at him once he remains silent. His smile is soft, “Relax.” He bumps him again and Megumi twitches. Yuji laughs. “You’re so jumpy.” He shakes his head as he looks back down at the pages. 

Yuji lingers for a moment on each one before turning it. Megumi’s looking anywhere but down. He doesn’t think he can face this reality. He was half expecting himself to wake up in the doctor’s office already. Clearly he’s hit his head and has suffered some severe head trauma and now he’s unconscious— dreaming, hallucinating even. 

He swallows down roughly as he turns his gaze down a little. He steals a glance at Yuji and his expression is neutral, calm, as he looks over the pages. He does have a slight blush coloring his cheeks though.

Megumi thinks it looks pretty. Yuji might look his prettiest when he’s blushing, which he doesn’t blush too often. Megumi’s sure he hasn’t noticed it anyway. 

For him to be blushing right now… Yuji can’t be turned on, can he? He can’t be, because Megumi’s sitting here with him and that’s weird. But the porn is laid out in front of them. Yuji’s just having them both look at it, like it’s not weird for two friends to be doing this. 

Maybe the rule is it’s only weird if you’re touching yourself while doing it? Megumi shakes his head. What the fuck is he thinking?

His own face is burning red for a plethora of reasons that not even a Special Grade could torture out of him. He feels a bead of sweat trailing down his arm inside of his sweater. Yuji flips to a certain page and against Megumi’s better judgment, he speaks up.  

“... That one,” he mumbles. 

“Huh?” Yuji glances at him. 

Fuck. They are too close together right now. Why is this happening?

“That one,” Megumi repeats. Quieter. He’d still much rather prefer to die. 

“Ohhh,” Yuji says with a bit of a laugh. Megumi’s eyes strain from the sound. They twitch from looking at his blushing face this close up. 

Yuji’s gaze returns back to the page, so Megumi doesn’t feel the need to look away from him. He watches Yuji’s thumb swipe over the edge. He picks at it slightly. Megumi feels apprehensive, on top of everything else. He doesn’t want Yuji to give himself a paper cut. 

“Yeah, I like this one,” Yuji says. Everything about his demeanor and reactions are all too easy. Too simple.

He should be mad at him. He should fly off the handle like Nobara. Megumi thinks dealing with a response like that would be easier than… than doing whatever this is. 

But that's just not the type of person Yuji is. He's never gotten mad at him about anything. Every person has their breaking point though, no? Shouldn't this be too much?

Yuji flips through the pages of the magazine. They sit in silence. Megumi doesn’t so much as utter a sound. He almost holds his breath at one point. If he could, he would stop his heart from beating altogether. It’s still pounding against his ribcage tentatively. 

He feels that unrelenting tension in his underwear. Of course. Undoubtedly. But he doesn’t dare move a muscle as Yuji turns the pages. 

He tries to stay completely still, even as his legs almost shake and press together. He becomes a statue. He is motionless and mute. He’s a shadow. He doesn’t exist at all. In fact, he’s not even here. 

But every time that Yuji bumps his shoulder or, god forbid, smiles at him, then Megumi can’t delude himself. He has to accept that yes, this is his reality. He doesn’t even know what to label it. This is nothing short of straight terror. 

Yuji looks over at him every now and then, as if checking that he’s alright or seeing if he’s still looking at the magazine. It gets to the point where Megumi is counting the seconds, waiting for it. 

Yuji glances at him and all his thoughts halt in place. Yuji smiles softly as he returns his gaze to the magazine. Megumi begins counting again, seeing if there’s a pace or rhythm along to Yuji’s glances at him. 

And no, it’s mostly random. Megumi thinks so anyways. He kind of forgets to count or lingers too long on one number and then the whole point of counting gets ruined. Yuji looks at him again and Megumi can’t handle it. 

“Would you stop looking at me?” he mumbles out quickly. 

“What?” Yuji’s brow raises slightly, like Megumi’s words are surprising to him. None of this is normal. 

“Why do you keep looking at me?” Megumi asks, his voice raising.  

Yuji tilts his head at him with a soft frown. “Do you not, want me to?” The words come out a bit hesitant, like Yuji’s confused. 

“What do you mean?” Megumi’s brows furrow. They’re not both allowed to be confused. This is all Yuji’s fault. 

“We’re looking at it together, right?” Yuji asks, building up to some sort of clarification. Megumi still has no idea. 

“Huh?”

“It’s like, getting feedback,” Yuji smiles. “Although, you’re so quiet, so I’m more so just reading your thoughts.”

If Yuji could actually read his thoughts, Megumi would have killed himself by now. 

“Don’t read my thoughts,” he frowns. 

“Why not?” Yuji’s playfulness is returning. “What’re you hiding in there?” He knocks his knuckles against the side of his head and Megumi stammers out a small sound. 

Yuji knocks some more and turns his face with a hum and a look, like he’s actually trying to hear what’s going on inside in his brain. Megumi pushes his hand away with a short grumble. 

“Stop that.” 

Yuji laughs, his shoulders bounce slightly. “You don’t have to feel weird about it,” he tells him. “Friends look at porn together all the time.”

…?

No they do not. 

“They don’t,” Megumi shakes his head. 

“Sure they do,” Yuji doubles down. 

“So you’ve looked at porn with Kugisaki?”

“Ew, no.” Yuji’s face shifts into that of clear discomfort as he solemnly shakes his head. 

“Then what about Todo?”

“Fuck no,” Yuji laughs, his expression softening again. “Hell no.”

“What about—”

“Nobody, okay? Damn.” Yuji bumps his shoulder as he laughs. His blush is growing a little. “This is the first time.”

“First time?” Megumi doesn’t mean to question him out loud. The way Yuji words it makes his skin buzz. 

“Yeah,” he says with a shaky grin. “Friends do look at porn together. I’ve just never felt close enough to do it with anyone before, that’s all.” Yuji’s words come out a bit hesitant again. Nervous, maybe? It’s about time. Yuji’s being way too casual about all of this. The thought of him getting nervous though, makes Megumi feel even more embarrassed. 

“Uh.” Megumi’s mind spasms. “Huh?”

“Yeah.” Yuji smiles. It all feels too simple. “And I trust you more than anyone, you know?” He nudges his shoulder. It feels softer than the previous times. “I don’t care if you go through my room. I don’t mind that you found this.” He tilts his head down at the magazine, gesturing to it. “It’s even okay that you took it, you know? I’m happy you did.”

“Wh—What?” 

“Yeah, because now we’re looking at it together. I’ve never been able to do that with someone before.” Yuji glances away for a moment. 

Megumi’s heartbeat finally starts to settle somehow, as he stares into Yuji’s soft expression, as his words wrap around him like a warm embrace. 

“... You’re just full of surprises, Fushiguro.”

“What does that mean?” Megumi grimaces a little. 

“I just mean, you know,” Yuji shrugs. His gaze returns to him. He’s cute when he’s blushing. “I never thought you’d be into this kind of thing, so yeah. It’s just surprising— uh— a nice surprise though.”

Yuji’s words are somewhat reassuring… Megumi looks away from him, feeling a bit feeble. Yuji has no idea how far gone he really is. He’s sure the truth of everything wouldn’t be a nice surprise for him. 

“... I’m not into it, really,” Megumi admits. “I’ve never… I’ve never even looked at porn before, well… before finding it under your bed.”

Yuji laughs. Not at him but perhaps at the situation. 

“Ah, no way, really? Sorry.” He scratches the back of his neck. “Am I corrupting you?” His voice drops a little. Smooth like velvet. Megumi feels the blush spreading across his face. 

“No.” He shakes his head. “Well—” He hesitates. “S—Sort of.”

Yuji’s blush is distracting. He laughs gently, “Sorry.” He doesn’t exactly sound sorry.

“It’s fine.” Megumi glances away from him. “I’m the one who took it in the first place.”

“True, but it sounds almost like it was an accident." He gazes into him warmly.

Megumi doesn’t know how Yuji is so hyper aware of everything, yet also so stupidly blind to everything. His tone and words make Megumi feel slightly better though, nonetheless. 

“Why do you have them anyway?” he asks.

“Huh?” Yuji tilts his head. 

“Like, wouldn’t just looking at porn online be easier? And cheaper?” 

Megumi’s been trying to wrack his brain around this. He never thought he’d actually be able to ask Yuji about it. 

“Maybe,” Yuji laughs, “but, magazines are just what I’ve always used.” He shrugs and his gaze becomes a little faraway, almost retrospective. It’s a fond look though, as if thinking back on the first magazines he had is nostalgic. 

Megumi hums as his eyes travel over his face, “When did you first buy one?”

“Uhh,” Yuji laughs again, blushing harder. He’s too pretty. “Well I first bought one when I was eighteen, but when I was a kid,” he pauses, maybe finally feeling embarrassed to some degree. 

“I just sort of stumbled upon one in an abandoned house in my neighborhood. It was just lying there along with random other stuff the people had left behind.” Yuji fans his hand passively. 

“Or maybe some guy was squatting there and that was his porn that you took.” Megumi frowns at him. 

“Heh, maybe, although I doubt it. It didn’t look like anyone had holed up there. The place was deserted.”

Megumi hums again, almost a grumble as he tries to picture it. “And you just took the magazine?”

“Yeah,” Yuji answers, like it’s simple. 

“How old were you?”

“Uh.” Yuji looks away, laughing a bit nervously. “I’m not gonna tell you that,” he smirks. 

Megumi’s eyebrow creases lower. “Okay. Then don’t.”

Yuji sighs, fanning his hand again, “Fine, I’ll tell you.” Megumi rolls his eyes. “I was in junior high at the time so that’s not too young.”

“No, that’s pretty young.”

Yuji sighs, “This is why I didn’t wanna tell you.” He laughs again as he scratches the top of his hair. He looks like he’s thinking back on it all again. His expression is far too cute.

If Yuji’s had magazines like this one since way back then, that could explain a few things. Megumi smiles slightly at figuring this out about him. 

“... I don’t know, I didn’t really have access to the internet like that back in Sendai. Even though that hasn’t been the case now for years, I’ve still just never looked at porn online.”

Megumi hums, understanding to a degree. He still can’t believe this conversation is actually happening. 

“That’s still a little surprising though, considering…” Megumi lets his words trail off. 

“Considering?” Yuji’s eyebrow raises. 

Megumi glances away, not wanting to elaborate. He doesn’t exactly feel like he needs to. The massive amount of porn under Yuji’s bed should be answer enough.   

Yuji’s eyes light up suddenly as he holds a finger up, “Ooh! Since neither of us has ever seen any porn online, we should totally look at it for the first time together!”

“What.” Megumi short circuits.

“Yeah,” Yuji smiles, enthusiastic. “If you're ever about to look something up, call me first and I’ll come over.”

Megumi’s brain lags behind as he tries to comprehend what Yuji’s telling him. Just them sitting in silence looking at the magazine was bad enough, but now Yuji wants the both of them to look at videos together? Megumi can only imagine how terrible that would be. He’s already hard in his underwear just from this. Yuji cannot be serious. 

Megumi’s brow furrows at the thought of calling him too, when his room is two steps away from his own. That part just further adds onto the stupidity of this situation. 

“I wouldn’t have to call you, I could just bang on the wall.”

“Well what if I’m not in my room?” Yuji looks into him like he’s being silly. 

“Seriously?” Megumi raises an eyebrow. Yuji’s the silly one. “You’d want me to call you even if you were out?”

“Yeah,” Yuji smiles. “Or you could text me.”

“Itadori.” Megumi stares into him, dumbfounded. Yuji has a perfectly neutral expression, like everything about this is normal. “You’d really want me to text you ‘hey I’m watching porn, come over’, and then you would?”

“Yeah,” he nods. 

Megumi parts his lips to say something but then his eyes shut closed as he bursts out laughing, purely from the absurdity of it. It feels nice. His laughter spills out uncontrollably. His heart somehow feels lighter. The lingering guilt doesn't sting so bad. 

He brings his hand to his mouth. He hasn’t laughed like this in a while. It feels like a good outlet for all the negativity he’s been shouldering. Just being around Yuji is a good outlet for relieving stress in general. But Yuji was also the one inadvertently causing the stress. That’s why Megumi’s been avoiding him. He feels incredibly stupid for it now. 

When he opens his eyes, Yuji's calm expression still hasn’t changed. Megumi can’t help but laugh some more. 

“Oh my god, you’re serious.” 

“As serious as a heart attack,” Yuji beams. 

“Don’t say that,” Megumi shakes his head with a sigh. 

“You promise you won’t watch anything without me first?” Yuji asks, body turning towards him a little.  

“You want me to promise you?” Megumi smiles at Yuji’s silliness. 

“Yeah,” he nods. “I mean it. We’re doing this together.”

Yuji’s acting as if they’re making normal plans to hang out later. Megumi can clearly tell this is exciting for him though. If porn is something that Yuji really is into then Megumi supposes it’d make sense that he’d want to share it with someone. 

People want to share their interests no matter how strange they are. And Megumi can’t help but feel smug that out of all people, he’s the one that Yuji wants to do this with. 

He sighs solemnly, “Okay. Sure.”

“Cool,” Yuji grins. “I’ll call you too, if I’m, you know.”

“Sure,” Megumi nods, looking away. “Whatever.”

The two of them sit there. The silence finally returns. It feels like a springtrap though, like something is still lingering between them that’s gone unmentioned, just waiting to pop up. 

“... Sooooo,” Yuji says. “Can I have this back or?”

Megumi’s mouth goes agape for a second, trying to get out some sort of response but only laughing shortly instead. It feels a little awkward this time. He just gestures for Yuji to take it when he gives up on trying to speak. 

“Thanks,” Yuji smiles. He folds it up in his hands. 

“It’s yours. Don’t thank me.” Megumi glances away. His fingers twitch impulsively to pull his shirt over his face and hide but he fights it. “I took it.”

Yuji laughs, truly not minding somehow. “If you ever wanna borrow anything then go for it. You don’t even have to ask me. Just tell me which one so I don’t go thinking it’s missing.”

“Right,” Megumi says, even though he knows he won’t be borrowing any more. 

Yuji stands up from the bed and turns towards the door, but then he stops. His feet remain in place as he looks back at Megumi. 

“Hold on.” Yuji’s eyes widen. “I’ve felt like you’ve been avoiding me lately, and it’s not because of this stuff, is it?” His eyes twinge, like he’s a little hurt. 

Megumi’s heart clenches. He doesn’t like the look on Yuji’s face— he doesn’t want him to ever look like that, especially because of him. He gazes up at Yuji, eyes widening, feeling stifled, not knowing what to say. 

Yuji gasps, playfully offended. His smile returns. “Fushiguro.” He punches him in his arm. “You bastard.” He pulls on his sleeve for him to get off the bed. “Come on. Let’s go do something. Right now.”

Megumi sighs as he lets Yuji pull him along to his feet. He tosses his headphones off from around his neck and into his pillow. 

Yuji fully grips his arm as he goes to open the door, but Megumi tugs back a little. Yuji glances over his shoulder at him, stopping. 

“Wait, we’re not watching porn are we?”

“Why? Do you want to?” Yuji asks, tone purely curious. 

“Shut the fuck up. No.” Megumi frowns. 

Yuji chuckles as he pulls the door open, “Just asking.”

Megumi closes his eyes as he sighs deeply. How much further is his torment gonna go?

Despite the fact that Megumi still has to live with his thoughts about Yuji and what he’s done to himself while thinking about Yuji, being around him now after their talk has proven significantly easier. 

At first his guilt was only about the fact that he’d taken his porn, and then that guilt spiraled until it snowballed all the way into the concerning avalanche that it is now. 

Megumi had not only taken it but then touched himself while looking at it and then he let himself think of Yuji doing the same thing but to himself. His imagination worsened until he was picturing himself as the men in the magazine and then Yuji right alongside him, and that includes everything the men were engaging in on the pages. 

And the pages soon came to life. Megumi doesn’t think he’s ever had a wet dream before, perhaps another punishment from the universe of some kind, but he thinks he’s content with his conscious imagination. 

He was soon able to clearly see Yuji and him having sex. The darkest parts of him, that he doesn’t let himself fully acknowledge as a means of protecting himself, knows that he would rather imagine it as them making love. 

Megumi never lets a fantasy like that unfold though. Making love implies something sweet and wholesome and pure. Such an idea involving Yuji and him just isn’t possible. Megumi deludes himself by thinking that his current fantasies could somehow take place though. They feel more rooted in reality than anything else at least. They’re very real in his head. 

Yuji fucks him in his daydreams. Rough and fast and violent and without control or remorse or any care for Megumi at all. Yuji uses him. Megumi imagines himself as a toy, something that Yuji would find arousing and tempting and want to break. 

Even if he’s not touching himself, the thought of them plays over and over again in his mind, nonstop. It’s almost not even Megumi or Yuji in the fantasies though. He doesn’t give them any dialogue. He tries to blur out their faces. The way he pictures it is vague and mostly an outline— but this is done by design. 

Megumi doesn’t want to think he’s a bad friend. A good friend wouldn’t be dealing with a problem like this. The constant fucking appearing in his mind is more so dolls of Yuji and himself rather than it actually being them. Vessels or archetypes meant to represent them. 

Megumi tries to think of it this way instead so that he can go on with his day. So that he can spend time with Yuji and for it to feel mostly normal. So that they can just share a meal together. 

“Hey, Fushiguro, you’ve got something,” Yuji says as he reaches his hand out to him. His thumb brushes near the corner of his lip, just almost touching. He swipes across his cheek and Megumi’s senses fall flat. 

He swats Yuji’s hand away once he comes back to himself. He rubs over his cheek and Yuji resumes on eating naturally. Megumi thinks that the both of them have grown accustomed to the other’s nature after all this time. 

Things are a little different now though. It’s almost as if they’re more comfortable after their talk, which is hilarious. Megumi supposes that this is a juxtaposition to how he was feeling last week. 

He was a little terrified of even bumping into Yuji at all. It used to be like that when he first realized he had a crush on him. But then the feeling settled. It softened. Megumi knows he’d never stand a chance at being anything more with Yuji than he already is and he’s perfectly fine with that. 

He doesn’t want anything from Yuji. Nothing selfish anyway. He only wants to be there as long as Yuji wants him to be there. His paranoia and unease from his high school days had come back to him for a moment, but now it’s gone. It’s waning at least. 

The two of them go to an arcade and Yuji gripes about how Megumi must be cheating somehow since he keeps beating him at all the games they play. Megumi shrugs and doesn’t have any comment. 

Megumi sits on the counter in their communal kitchen in the mornings and watches as Yuji makes breakfast. He tiredly sips his coffee, listening to one of Yuji’s many rants about something. 

They text each other throughout the day when they’re away with work and they meet up by the vending machines along with some of their other friends once they finally get back to the school. Things thankfully go back to the way they previously were, but then they’re also a little different now, of course. 

Megumi sits on the floor of Yuji’s room, reading a new book he’s picked up. Yuji lays stretched along his bed on his stomach with his feet kicked up, doing the same. Well, he’s reading manga. Not exactly the same. 

“How come I didn’t know you liked guys?” Megumi asks him. The words feel easy escaping his mouth. 

Now that he’s returned the porn the only guilt that remains is due to his imagination. He’s steadily and painfully becoming better at holding back his orgasms, which he should feel accomplished about in a way, but the loudest, most neediest parts of him are crying out in extreme aggravation. 

Not cumming at all is nearly unbearable— only nearly though. Holding himself back but not fully denying himself is, intense, to say the least. The entire point of this is to try and alleviate some more guilt. This is all in the hopes that he can eventually stop masturbating altogether, which should in theory make him feel lighter and less like a total creep. 

And Megumi does feel significantly more relaxed. He thinks that spending time with everyone again like normal, and especially Yuji, is a big testament to this as well though. 

Yuji hums as he seemingly thinks out his answer. More silence ebbs by and Megumi takes this as an invitation to continue inquiring. 

“I’ve just always heard you talk about girls so much, so I assumed,” he says, gaze focused on his book. 

“... Well, I guess it’s been a while since I’ve realized now,” Yuji says, voice a little faint. Such an unsure tone doesn’t suit him. “I’m not like, keeping it a secret or anything, but… Kugisaki and I talk about women because that’s what she’s into. I am too, but, I wouldn’t talk with her about men because— well, I don’t know, it’d feel strange.”

Megumi hums. He doesn’t mean to pry if that’s what he’s doing. 

“We don’t have to talk about it,” he says softly. 

“No, no, I’d love to talk about it,” Yuji beams. “Especially with you, Fushiguro.” 

Megumi blushes as he glances up from his book. Yuji’s already looking at him too. He crosses his arms over each other and rests his chin on his wrist. 

“To be honest…” Yuji pauses, like he doesn’t want to say the wrong thing. “I used to think you were asexual for a while.”

“I maybe am,” Megumi says, sort of a joke. He knows he isn’t. He’s had his own concerns regarding this topic before but ultimately decided it wasn’t too important to him.

“I didn’t find a porn magazine in junior high,” Megumi takes a small jab at him. “I’ve never seen porn in my life. Never wanted to.”

“You just didn’t know where to find it,” Yuji smiles. “And not looking at porn doesn’t make you asexual.”

“If that were true then that would make you hypersexual.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Yuji laughs a little, oblivious. Megumi shakes his head at him. 

“What made you realize I wasn’t asexual though?” he asks, definitely curious. 

“I figured you weren't after we all went out drinking one night.”

Megumi's relaxation teeters slightly. “Which night? What do you mean?”

Yuji laughs a little. He looks off fondly as he seemingly starts recalling it.

“We had been playing smash or pass all night, but you had been completely silent until Kugisaki brought up some idol— I don't remember his name, but,” Yuji pauses. He looks into Megumi's eyes and then glances away, blushing. “But you had said smash and then you like,” Yuji pauses again, making a face and shrugging almost. “... You don't remember?”

Fuck no he doesn't remember. Megumi's face is on fire. What the hell type of reaction did he have after Nobara brought that idol up for Yuji to know he's not asexual?

“N—No.”

Yuji laughs a little, “Yeah, well,” he pauses. He turns his cheek into his wrist more. “I realized then. That was the only time though, that something like that happened.”

“It’s probably because it was that idol,” Megumi says, not wanting to elaborate further. “I don’t just find people attractive like you and Kugisaki do. I’m like, wired wrong.”

“Hey, don’t say that,” Yuji’s tone is warm. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Megumi shakes his head, dismissing him. A beat of silence goes on and Yuji grumbles a little in thought. 

“Did you actually like, jerk off while looking at the magazine?”

“Itadori!” Megumi looks back up at him. His face is getting exceedingly redder.

“What?” Yuji’s head springs up from his wrist as his own face flushes slightly. “I can’t ask?”

“N—No, you can’t ask me that!” Megumi holds the book over his face, blocking Yuji from seeing him. 

“Well I mean,” Yuji pauses. “I thought it was kind of a given but,” he pauses again. “You said you had a favorite page.”

“That doesn’t mean that I—” Megumi stops himself from saying it, hesitating. “... It doesn’t mean that I jerked off to it.”

“Well that’s what I thought it meant,” Yuji mumbles. 

Megumi grips his book tighter as he holds it closely to his face. Yuji’s silent again and a strange quiet fills the air. Megumi’s body is shaking a little bit from the embarrassment— from the thought of Yuji somehow finding out the truth— that he has jerked off to it. Technically not exactly to it, but— well, the real truth is much worse. 

He hears movements from Yuji over on the bed and then a bit of rustling. He doesn’t pull his book down to see what he's doing. He remains hidden, hoping his blush calms down. 

“Come here,” Yuji says. 

Megumi hesitates. He lifts the book lower and peeks past the top of it. Yuji’s looking over at him with the gentlest expression in the world. Megumi couldn’t possibly feel more comfortable with him. 

He sets his book aside as he stands. He takes a step over to the bed but then Yuji nods his head behind him. 

“Lock the door, maybe?”

“Lock the door?” Megumi’s shakiness isn’t going away. 

“Just in case,” Yuji shrugs, blushing a little. 

Megumi sighs as he turns back and locks it. He swiftly makes his way to the bed and sits on the edge of it. Yuji’s eyes are on him as he does so. Megumi sighs deeper as he flips onto his stomach and moves over to him. Yuji inches closer as well and their elbows touch. 

“Okay, so,” Yuji begins, holding one of his various magazines in front of them. “The girl on this cover doesn’t do anything for you?”

“Not really,” Megumi says, glancing away. 

“You’re not even looking at it,” Yuji frowns. 

“I looked through all of them. They’re all the same.” Megumi tugs on his sleeve, needing to fidget with something. They’re laying too close together. 

“You looked through all of them?” Yuji raises an eyebrow. 

“Shut up.” Megumi glances at him. “You’re the one who has so many.” He stares into Yuji and can’t hold back what he’s been wanting to call him now for weeks. “Perv.”

Yuji’s mouth hangs open like he’s offended. “I am not a perv. I am an enthusiast.”

“Of naked women?”

“There are worse things to be enthusiasts of.”

Megumi frowns, “Yeah? Like what?”

“Like…” Yuji glances around the room, like somehow he’ll find the answer amongst his own things. His gaze stops on the floor and he looks back at Megumi with a glint in his eye. “Like whatever boring book you’re reading’s about.”

Megumi’s shoulders hang lower, “It’s not boring. It’s informative.”

“Uh huh,” Yuji rolls his eyes. 

“I’m not gonna argue with the guy who owns over twenty volumes of porn.”

“You make it sound like it’s a bad thing,” Yuji pouts. 

“It’s definitely a thing.” Megumi leans his chin into the palm of his hand. He glances around the room. “Since you’re such a movie geek as well as a pervert, I bet you’ve got some DVDs lying around here somewhere too, don’t you?”

“Hey, don’t just assume that because I like movies and porn that I watch adult films. I told you, I'm strictly a magazine guy. That’s a logical fallacy.”

“Fallacy?” Megumi questions. 

“What?” Yuji tilts his head. 

“Who taught you that word?”

“No one,” he sulks.

“Define fallacy.” Megumi stares into him. 

Yuji is silent. His blush grows as his pout deepens. “... Okay fine. I’ve heard Maki say it.”

“Thought so,” Megumi nods. 

“But assuming I wouldn’t know that word on my own is another fallacy!” Yuji points at him. 

“Shut up, Itadori.” Megumi shakes his head. 

“You shut up!” Yuji’s cute when he’s pouty. “Now you’ve distracted me!” He holds his head up as he huffs. He taps against the magazine laid out in front of them. “The models— any of the models— nothing?”

“Nothing,” Megumi says, actually looking down at it now. “... I think it takes me a while to find someone attractive,” he admits, hesitant. 

Yuji hums brightly like he very much understands. Such a reaction makes Megumi’s heart clench and feel squishy. 

Megumi’s always felt weird about not finding people initially attractive. But that’s the thing, he thinks it just takes some getting used to them, some familiarity of sorts. 

Unfortunately, Megumi does find some idols or actors to be attractive now, after seeing so much coverage of them and even seeing them in person a few times. 

All his sisters are fan girls, so they've roped him along in the past to concerts and what not, and their dads always paid for the best seats. They've even met certain groups a few times. The excited screams from Megumi’s sisters burned his ears, but after seeing so much of the idols, Megumi couldn't deny that he understood.

The men in the boy groups are viewed as otherworldly gorgeous, which, even if Megumi does find them more appealing now as opposed to before, they still aren’t anything amazing. People are very dramatic. 

He can acknowledge that many different people are attractive, but he’s never wanted to marry them or make out with them like so many other people seem to want to. 

It takes Megumi a while to get used to people in general, so of course the same would be true here. On average, people are hard to deal with. Throughout his life there’s been a slowly growing number of people who are exceptions to this rule, but even then, his family and friends still drain his social battery. 

No matter how attracted Megumi’s been to people in the past, he’s never really found himself wanting to do anything with them… but Yuji is an exception to this rule unlike any other.

Somehow, despite everything, Megumi feels like he can tolerate Yuji pretty well. Maybe tolerate isn’t even the right word. Megumi likes putting up with Yuji, and it’s always been this way, even back when they first met. He doesn’t drain him in the way most people do. Yuji’s the least draining person of all, actually. 

And looking at him has never been bad either. Not at all. Megumi could write an entire novel about just how attractive Yuji is. It definitely wouldn’t be dramatic to call him otherworldly levels of gorgeous. Yuji is fucking enchanting. 

There are things that Megumi’s never thought about doing with people that he’s thought about doing with Yuji. He’s fallen so far off the deep end of that now, that he truly doesn’t even recognize himself… but he doesn’t want anything. He shouldn’t anyway. 

“So you’re, demisexual then?” Yuji asks. 

“I don’t like labeling it,” Megumi mutters. 

“That’s cool, me either,” Yuji smiles, ever blinding. “I just know that I like women as well as men.”

“Do you have a preference?” Megumi asks. It makes him feel a little twitchy to say. In the deepest parts of him, he hopes that Yuji says men, just because, well, he’s not a girl. 

“Uhhh…” Yuji tilts his head, holding his chin. He giggles. “I don’t know. I just usually tell myself I’m bisexual. To keep it simple.” 

“It’s okay if it isn’t simple,” Megumi tells him. The words tumble out on their own, without him really thinking. “You don’t have to keep it simple with me.” You never have to. 

Yuji’s gaze softens on him somehow as his blush pools prettily around his cheeks. His eyes close for a short moment as he breathes out through his nose. He looks back down at the magazine and he slides it aside. There’s another one under it, of course, that Megumi hadn’t noticed. It’s one of the ones with men instead of women. 

“You’re sweet, Fushiguro.” Yuji’s voice is faint. Megumi’s heart flutters. “What about these ones? Do these do anything for you, or does it just not work like that?”

Megumi scans his eyes over them. It’s true that these ones do make him feel a bit hotter, but in a way, he thinks that’s somehow got something to do with Yuji. 

He may have subconsciously been linking Yuji’s appearance to the men in the magazine way before he intentionally started imagining Yuji and himself as models in it— or imaging them together as anything at all. 

Megumi would like to tell Yuji about that— to be completely honest and say that, yes, he’s jerked off while looking over these. Not because of the men in it though, or because he thinks they themselves look appealing or enticing, but because it makes him think of Yuji. 

No matter what it is, even if he’s not thinking about Yuji, he’s thinking about Yuji. Every single thought traces back to him. The horny ones are especially filled with him. Without exception. They’re always filled with him. The two of them, anyway. 

“... It just doesn’t work like that.” It feels like a type of lie. An omission of the truth. 

Yuji hums, oblivious, an angel that Megumi will always be undeserving of, just like everyone else. Megumi feels content in a way. He’s not special. No one should be with Yuji. The only reason why anyone should be allowed to, is because Yuji deserves happiness. 

Megumi’s seen how happy people can be in a relationship. He grew up with a great example, having Gojo and Geto around to smother their love in everyone's faces at all times. 

Megumi knows that what his parents have, a domestic life, a married life, isn't exactly something that everyone wants— but Megumi also thinks that he knows Yuji pretty well. He can see it in his future. 

Yuji deserves to be happily married or at least committed with someone. And it’s only okay that this someone is with Yuji because Yuji picked them himself. Still not deserving, but at least chosen. Megumi’s not greedy enough to imagine the person as himself. He doesn’t… he doesn’t want Yuji… he doesn’t want anything from him.

Yuji scratches the top of his head, “... Have you, ever, jerked off before?” The question on its own should be invasive, but this is just normal for them now. 

“No,” Megumi smiles. 

A real lie. He can maybe dance around the others, but not this. Megumi doesn’t know why he lies about it. He thinks in a way, he wants to keep up this image. Him being the innocent one and Yuji being the, well— he has so much porn under his bed it’s not even funny. Megumi has to hold himself back from laughing. It is kind of funny. 

“What did you do with the magazine you took?” Yuji asks gently. Not accusing or angry, just curious. 

“Just looked at it,” Megumi lies some more. “I think if I had it for longer I could maybe feel something while looking at it.”

“Well you were blushing like crazy,” Yuji teases. “It was cute though.” Megumi's brain stifles. “Have you ever— like— tried, you know?” Yuji’s words tumble out a bit nervously. Megumi wonders what could suddenly be causing that. He thinks he likes how Yuji gets when he’s nervous. 

He considers his answer before giving it. It’s going to be another lie no matter what he decides on. “... Hell no,” he scoffs, trying to play it up a little. 

Yuji hums, his smile goes a little lopsided. Megumi can’t make out what the look means. He heavily wonders what Yuji is thinking. 

“... Well, how about you hold onto this one, or take whichever you want, and then later just, you know…” Yuji glances away from him shortly. He’s really fucking cute when he’s blushing. “... If it feels right then go for it.”

“Then go for it?” Megumi tilts his head, finding it easier to play innocent than he thought. 

“Yeah,” Yuji nods a little. “Use the magazine when you do. It helps.”

“It helps you?” Megumi’s skin burns after he asks it. Fuck, he can feel himself twitching in his underwear. 

Yuji’s laughter is light. He’s looking down at the magazine again. “I don’t really need help.” He giggles. “You do though,” he teases, his casual mischief glimmering in his eyes. “Virgin.”

“Are you a virgin?” Megumi asks, feeling a bit defensive. He doesn’t realize the impact of his question until after he’s said it though. 

Yuji looks into him with clear surprise, being caught off guard. Megumi’s sure that he’s shooting a similar look right back at him, as he feels his eyebrows rising. He’s surprised himself that he asked that. 

Yuji glances away from him again as his lips crook back into a smile, “You’re so nosy, Fushiguro.” Megumi feels his heartbeat steadily increasing. “When’d you get so nosy?”

“When’d you get so perverted?” Megumi blushes. Yuji has no idea how much of a hypocrite he is. 

“I’m not—” Yuji raises his voice but then stops, pouting as he narrows his eyes on him. He sits up on the bed, crossing his arms. “Take this.” 

He tosses the magazine at him. Megumi flinches a little as it falls onto his head, the pages draping over him almost like a hat. 

“And put it somewhere that isn’t your top desk drawer. Like, did you want me to find it?” Yuji shrugs. 

“Shut up.” Megumi sits up as well, pulling the magazine down. 

Yuji lays down onto his back as he holds one of the magazines up above him. Megumi watches his eyes for a little bit, wondering what it must be like in Yuji’s brain. Wondering what it’s like, to look at this stuff normally. Wondering how it must feel for him. 

It must be good. He owns so much of it that it has to be. Yuji said that he doesn’t need help as far as touching himself goes, so what’s the exact point? 

Does it just work as a boost? Megumi shakes his head at himself. He can’t lie or play pretend in his own headspace. He did masturbate while looking at the magazine. An embarrassing amount of times. It doesn’t matter if he was imagining Yuji while he was doing it. Facts are facts. Megumi supposes it is helpful even if you claim you don’t need it.

But still, he feels like he isn’t normal, like the way he did it isn’t the normal way to do it. He does at least think he has a better grasp on how to go about touching himself now because of it. 

Wait… isn’t Yuji giving him one of the magazines and telling him to hold onto it, him indirectly telling Megumi to touch himself? Megumi’s face grows hot again at the thought. 

It’s not like Yuji explicitly said that, and that’s probably not at all what Yuji exactly intended or meant but… it kind of is, no? He’s telling Megumi to try it out later— if he’s up for it, but still— he told him to try. He suggested it. It was a heavy suggestion. 

Megumi’s never added any real dialogue before but… 

You should touch yourself for me, Fushiguro. 

Fuck. 

You should touch yourself for me, Megumi. 

Megumi coughs then as he chokes on his terrible thoughts. He steals a glance at Yuji as his paranoia gets the better of him. He worries that he can read his mind.

Yuji is still silently just looking at his magazine though. Megumi hits his fist against his chest as he continues coughing. It feels like his body is turning on him— spasming out and he can’t stop. His nose itches and then he sneezes roughly. 

“Bless you,” Yuji says. 

Megumi lets out a shaky breath. The coughing somehow miraculously stops after that. 

“Okay, Fushiguro, I know what you said, but,” Yuji says, tilting the magazine towards him, trying to show him something. “You’re telling me this gives you nothing?”

Megumi leans his head over. It’s a woman in a set of lingerie posing unremarkably yet incredibly lewdly, of course. 

“Nothing at all.” Megumi’s eyes meet Yuji’s as he blushes. 

“Huh,” Yuji shrugs. 

He taps Megumi’s shoulder and is far too curious as he asks his opinion on another picture. Megumi stares up at it and has the same unmoving expression. 

Yuji hums as he flips a page again. Megumi finds himself laying down beside him like before, as he continuously urges him to give him his reactions. 

The two of them lay on Yuji’s bed, talking and looking at porn. It’s normal. Friends look at porn together all the time. Megumi definitely doesn’t feel any sort of type of way about it. 

It’s concerningly quiet in the dark of Megumi’s room at night. It’s always concerning, because of how loudly his thoughts begin to swarm. Undoubtedly perverted thoughts, yet strikingly different ones from that of which he’s grown accustomed to. So so so many new thoughts, and all of them being so incredibly unwarranted. 

Yuji bending him over along the top of his desk, already being pressed deep inside of him, holding his face roughly in his hand and whispering in his ear, “Touch yourself for me.”

The scene plays out all too naturally— Megumi shuddering in his hold, not being able to shift away— not ever wanting to. Craning his head back to look at Yuji more, to see his face. 

“You’re so hot when you’re touching yourself, Megumi,” he’d tell him. 

Megumi would prefer to switch the word hot out for pretty but this isn’t supposed to be romantic. This is supposed to be perverse. That’s the whole point. And it feels more perverse that way, given its connotation. 

Megumi’s been replaying his conversation with Yuji from before. Thinking about it in a strictly non delusional sense, Yuji is just being a good friend. He’s trying to help him, give him advice. 

Yuji doesn’t have to tell Megumi how good or nice touching yourself can feel. Such a statement would probably be crossing over more weird boundary lines. But generally speaking, touching yourself is of course obviously supposed to be enjoyable. 

Megumi lied, saying he’s never done stuff like that before, so Yuji’s just trying to open his eyes a bit. He’s being considerate in that irritatingly sweet and infuriatingly compassionate Yuji way of his. 

Megumi isn’t deserving of it. He wants to protect Yuji from anyone who would ever try to take advantage of him or his nature, but he feels like a hypocrite all the way down to his bones. 

He should be protecting Yuji from himself, but Yuji says that he trusts him more than anyone. This has become an inside job. Megumi’s a double agent now. He’s gone too far. 

He rolls his hand over his underwear, being delusional again, figuring that Yuji gave him permission to do this— told him to do this— made him do this, like he’s forcing him, like he doesn’t have a choice. 

Megumi likes thinking of it that way, like Yuji’s controlling him, like he’s helpless against him. Fuck, he’d love to be helpless. He wants Yuji to take advantage of him. 

He told him to use the magazine, but it’s not even on his bed. Megumi’s a liar. He knows how to touch himself and he knows exactly what helps him get there. 

The scene in his fantasy starts off fast, no gradual build or setup. His own hand moves slowly though. He always goes slow, as if going too fast will prove that he’s too eager and then that fact will make him feel even worse about himself.

Megumi lets himself go “faster” once he’s close, but even then it’s still such a long and dragged out thing. His mind teeters with whether or not he should cum. He’s getting good at this, at gripping tightly around the head and further delaying his progress. With teasing himself with his pace, and then stopping altogether. Sometimes rubbing along his thighs, or all across his body. Reaching back towards his ass and massaging the skin. Pressing his fingers over his rim and fingering himself lightly, not going very deep.

He’s gotten better at denying himself, but it hurts so much. He bites into his lip harshly. Even if he doesn’t cum at all, it feels terrifyingly good. Terrifying and agonizing. There’s a thrill in the torture, and he doesn’t deserve to cum anyway. He imagines Yuji telling him that— accidentally adding more dialogue. 

“You’re fucking disgusting, Megumi.” 

He leaks all over his fingers as his legs shake. He wants to go faster but he doesn’t. 

“Do you really think you should be allowed to cum?”

Megumi hums a no as he shakes his head. He slows down even further. His skin is burning. He’s so hard it hurts. 

His phone chimes as his legs tremble some more. The scene in his mind softens, almost fully ebbing away, but Megumi keeps his eyes closed as he tries to resume it. His phone goes off again however. 

Megumi sighs, thinking that it could be something important. He reluctantly pulls his hand away from himself and wipes the slick off his hand and onto his thigh. A small sound of surprise escapes him upon seeing that its texts from Yuji. He blushes terribly.   

[itadori]

hey

are you up?

Megumi stares at the screen for a moment. It’s not uncommon for the two of them to randomly text each other during the night. It usually leads to a random slew of conversations until one or both of them get too sleepy to reply. Sometimes they end up just coming over because it’s so easy to do so. Megumi considers if he wants to text him back at all though right now, as he twitches in his underwear. 

[fushiguro]

no im asleep

[itadori]

ah okay

when you wake up do you wanna watch something?

Megumi rolls his eyes. 

[fushiguro]

some new terrible movie come out?

[itadori]

noooo

Megumi tilts his head at first before then quickly understanding. His blush spreads that much more across his face, leaving him with this fuzzy feeling that climbs all the way up to his ears. His phone chimes again in his hand and he glances down at the screen once more.

[itadori]

come over

A shaky breath escapes him. A murmur of some unintelligible sounds spew out of him. He hits his cheeks softly, as he clears his throat, trying to calm his nerves. This was bound to happen sooner or later. He should have been prepared for it. 

Megumi sits up from his bed with a groan. He’s still hard. He hadn’t let himself cum yet— maybe he wasn’t going to. He shuffles his erection around in his underwear as he puts his pants on. He grumbles as the feeling doesn’t go away at all. 

He washes his hands quickly before leaving his room to enter Yuji’s. It’s dark except for the faint light coming off of Yuji’s phone screen, illuminating his face. He’s laying on his stomach in one of his many hoodies that Megumi would like to steal. He glances up when Megumi enters the room and smiles. 

“Lock the door,” he says, excited. 

“You’re weird.” Megumi sighs as he locks it. 

“It’s not weird. It's what you said earlier.” Yuji pauses as he looks off in thought. His smile widens as he returns his gaze to him. “Informative.” He snaps his fingers. “This is strictly for science.”

“It’s more just like for the love of the game, for you,” Megumi grumbles. He slides down onto the bed and inches over to him, making sure to leave a good amount of space between them. 

Yuji’s oblivious as he scooches closer, closing the intentional gap Megumi left. Their bodies are barely just touching. If one of them were to move or shift around it’d become more apparent. Megumi tries his best to stay still. He already has an erection— he doesn’t want it to get any worse. 

“Okay,” Yuji says as he props his phone up in the middle of them. He leans it against his pillows so that neither of them needs to hold it. They can equally see this way, but it’s still just on Yuji’s homescreen.

“Okay,” Megumi says, echoing him. He has no idea what to do. 

“So, how do we do this?” Yuji asks, turning to face him. 

“What?” Megumi shifts a little. Their elbows brush and he twitches— he throbs in his underwear. Fuck, he’s sensitive. He hopes Yuji doesn’t notice the way he’s shaking. 

“You’re the one who wanted to do this.”

“I thought we both wanted to do this,” Yuji pouts, a vaguely sad expression. 

“Jesus,” Megumi sighs. “It’s porn. It’s not hard to find.”

“Says the guy who’s never looked at any,” Yuji narrows his eyes. 

Megumi sighs deeper, “Shut up.” He takes hold of the phone. “Fine.” 

He lifts up on his elbows a bit— his erection pushes into the mattress. He hisses. He opens the search bar and quickly types into it. There’s hardly any load time as several websites pop up. 

“Oooohh, Fushiguro, look at you go,” Yuji teases. “Already a pro.”

“I’m going to punch you.” He closes his eyes as he breathes out through his nose. 

He taps on the first link, not caring if Yuji wanted to scroll further before plunging in. It immediately asks if the person coming onto the site is at least eighteen. Megumi rolls his eyes with a scoff as he hits yes and then their eyes are spoiled with a visceral amount of— wow. 

“Oh,” Yuji notes. Neutral. Megumi can’t gauge what that means. 

“Okay.” Megumi shoves the phone towards him. “Pick something.” He blushes. 

Yuji hums as he purses his lips together. He holds the phone more towards himself as he looks over the screen. He scrolls a little on the original page, seemingly curious. This is “for science” after all. The whole point is just to see what’s out there. 

Megumi grumbles a bit though when a minute or so has passed and Yuji still hasn’t picked or said anything. He shifts again and their shoulders bump accidentally. The tension in his underwear isn’t calming down. Yuji looks up at him and his skin feels so warm that he’s afraid he might cum just like this. 

“Um— are you gonna pick something?” Megumi gripes. 

“I’m looking.” Yuji has a small frown.  

“There’s a search bar, you know.”

“I wouldn’t know what to search,” Yuji laughs. Megumi can sense that he’s nervous, but it kind of pisses him off a little. 

Yuji needs to stop acting like he doesn’t have a secret stash of porn under his bed. He’s not allowed to feel awkward right now, that's supposed to be Megumi's job.

“There’s nothing you’d like, want to watch?” The words come out a bit messy. 

“No,” Yuji almost laughs again. 

“Idiot.” Megumi hangs his head. “Then just pick anything. It doesn’t matter.”

Yuji hums as he looks back at the phone and Megumi groans because he can already tell that he’s going to be the one taking the reins here. Somehow. None of this should be happening. This all started because Yuji took his sweater. Megumi’s kind of pissed off at him for that too still. 

He flicks the side of his head as he takes the phone back. Yuji makes a small sound from the impact and frowns at him. 

Megumi clicks at a tag saying categories and then clicks on the tag saying straight, figuring that they should start there, as it’s the first one. All the thumbnails for the videos are disgusting. All the titles are even worse. 

All extremely taboo topics that Megumi assumes are just normal for porn. He’s still never actually come into contact with it before, so he feels a bit shocked by most of it. 

He can’t help his eyebrows from raising, and his blush won’t settle down, and his erection isn’t going away. It’s making his head a little fuzzy. This is a bad idea. He should have ignored Yuji’s text— feigned being asleep.

Having Yuji laying beside him should make this all the more uncomfortable than it already is, but somehow his presence actually makes things feel less daunting. 

Megumi trusts him the most out of anyone too. Yuji hasn’t made him feel weird or judged for anything somehow, even though such a reaction would definitely be warranted. 

The only problem is that he was so close to cumming when Yuji texted him, and now he’s just stuck in this state. He was already pent up before, teasing himself. Being this close to Yuji is bad. His body surely can’t relax this way. 

Megumi taps on a video that seems the least strange out of all the ones he’s scrolled through thus far. An ad plays as he props it back up on the pillow. Loud moaning from a camgirl flows into the room. 

They both glance at each other, blushing, and then look away again. Yuji skips it and the actual video loads. Megumi wills himself to not look over at Yuji. He tells himself to avoid his eyes no matter what. He can’t stop himself though and their bodies are so unfortunately close that Megumi can see him in his peripheral vision anyway. Yuji’s eyes don’t meet his own, thankfully. 

The video is unsurprisingly weird. There’s a concept of a plot but it’s incredibly unimportant and the acting is so bad it’s laughable. None of that exactly matters though, once the two people start having sex. 

It’s a man and a woman. The woman sucks the man’s dick at first and the camera is angled in a way that, in theory, is like a POV shot. Like you’re supposed to imagine yourself as the man. Like the woman is sucking you off specifically. 

The thought of that makes Megumi shiver. Unwanted. He doesn’t find the idea of that appealing. The perverse image of Yuji being in the woman’s position instead flashes over his retinas and then he closes his eyes, trying to shut the video and the thought out of his mind. 

His dick jerks in his underwear. The sounds the woman makes are crude and overexaggerated. The camera eventually changes and now the both of them are in the frame. It’s less of a POV and Megumi finds that to be less uncomfortable. 

Similar to the magazines, Megumi doesn’t think he’s turned on by what’s happening exactly. But the nature of it is something. The idea or act of the sex— just how erotic it is, is something. Megumi doesn’t think that this alone is what’s making him so twitchy though. Yuji is right next to him. He’s so hard he’s actually getting dizzy. 

Megumi glances at him again and Yuji’s blushing cutely. His lips are pressed together in a way that Megumi can’t decipher the meaning of. He thinks it’s definitely possible that Yuji is turned on right now and that thought could unravel him completely. 

He feels like he’s gotten too close to Yuji. Being closer to Yuji is all that Megumi could ever ask for, but this feels intrusive. Too intimate. And it feels like Megumi’s taking advantage of him somehow. 

That’s not what he wants. In his fantasies, Yuji’s the one taking advantage of him— preying on him. Is that what Megumi’s doing? Is he doing that to Yuji?

Yuji wouldn’t do this with Nobara. He said he wouldn’t feel comfortable doing this with anyone else. Why is Megumi the exception? His heart beats unsteadily. He’s scared of whatever this could all mean. 

“What’re you thinking?” Yuji asks, gaze remaining on the screen. 

“Uh.” Megumi’s skin burns that much more. He feels so hot that he wants to take his shirt off, but fuck no. That’d be weird. His mind races in uncoordinated circles as he tries to answer the question. 

“Uh, it’s…” The woman’s practically screaming at this point, as the man thrusts into her from behind. “... It’s dramatic.”

“Right?” Yuji’s laughter is soft. “Let’s find another one.” He reaches up and clicks out of the video. 

Megumi sighs out deeply. They return to the previous page and Yuji scrolls. Megumi tries to control his breathing as his heartbeat drums distinctly in his ears.

They watch a few more from the straight category and they all feel the same. Megumi still can’t fully gauge what Yuji’s thinking, but he gets the sense that Yuji isn’t entirely into it. This makes him smile a little for reasons he can’t let himself linger on. 

They go back to the main page and Yuji’s finger wobbles a bit as he taps on the gay category. These videos are different. The way they’re framed is different. The things the people say in them are different. Everything still feels exaggerated to a certain extent, but Megumi feels his legs shifting around a little more.   

His fantasies are only going to get sicker, he knows. He can easily picture the two men in the video being Yuji and him instead— or, no, not them, but rather dolls or vessels meant to represent them. And the dialogue is strange but blush inducing nonetheless. 

Such a pretty whore. 

Slut. 

You’re taking it so well. 

It’s eyebrow raising and Megumi thinks to look away but then he’d only end up looking at Yuji, so he doesn’t.

Yes. 

Please. 

Right there. 

I’m gonna cum!

Filthy. Disgusting. Not just the words but the way they say them. Megumi’s scared that he could be leaking a little. He doesn’t think the dialogue fits Yuji and him exactly. It isn’t Yuji and him in his fantasies though, he deludes himself, so that’s not important. 

Megumi can picture Yuji saying some of the things from the videos or calling him some of the names that the actors say, and he has to bite his lip to suppress any shaky breathing. 

He almost holds his breath completely and doesn’t notice until his dizziness worsens, and then he becomes lightheaded. He breathes out weird, hoping Yuji doesn’t notice or make any comments. 

Their legs brush together a bit as well as their shoulders. Megumi steals a risky glance at him, and something in Yuji’s eyes isn’t the same. He’s holding his hands together, rubbing his thumb repeatedly over his palm in a quick motion. Megumi worries that he’s breathing too heavy again as he stares at him. 

In his wildest dreams he could be with Yuji. But he doesn’t want that. Megumi doesn’t want anything from him. 

His eyes strain from staring at him. Something feels as if it’s washing over his body, glazing through his skin and caressing him. A chill pierces his spine. He’s cold all of a sudden. He’s trying so hard not to move against the bed but his body is shifting on its own a little. His thoughts are getting muddled. 

Megumi would like to kiss Yuji— No, he wouldn’t— Yes, he would. More than anything— No. He can’t. He doesn’t want anything— That’s such a terrible fucking lie. 

He’s trembling. He stares into Yuji’s darkening expression. He watches his fingers rub over the back of his hand. He feels apprehensive. 

He feels alert and ready— ready to do something— and that something is something that he should not be thinking— should not actually, realistically be thinking of doing. 

Megumi wants to— No, he doesn’t— Yes, he does. He wants— He doesn’t— He—

“Fushiguro?” Yuji’s voice is faint. His eyes are on the screen. 

Megumi wishes he felt more grounded. It’s almost like he’s floating. He can’t bring himself back down onto earth. He’d love to return to the ground and stay there. He’d stay there forever and never leave. Yuji’s his friend and he can’t ruin that. 

“Yeah?” Megumi breathes. 

Yuji’s gaze on the phone remains. His lips part barely and then they close. Megumi drags his eyes away from his face. He looks over his body and wonders if he’s truly delusional or if Yuji’s shaking too. 

“Thoughts?” he asks, softer than a whisper. 

I want you. 

That’s Megumi’s thought. Soft and meek. That might be the only thought that matters. His face scrunches in discomfort. Yuji doesn’t notice it. 

I want you!

It’s a loud and greedy scream in his mind. It’s not the only thought that matters. It’s just the thought that plagues him more than anything else. 

“I—” Megumi bites his tongue, almost saying it, almost thinking he was going to say it. 

He turns his face away as he looks off into the dark of Yuji’s room. So many shadows. So much empty space. He wants to hang over Yuji like a curse. He wants to become Yuji’s shadow and never leave his side. Not even for a second. 

Megumi grumbles as he sits up. This was a bad idea. He moves away from Yuji, missing his warmth immediately, just now realizing how cold it is without their bodies close. 

He flips around and sits at the edge of the bed. His legs hang off the side. His feet are planted onto the floor. Megumi tries to lean into it. He needs to anchor himself to the earth— telling himself to never dream of floating again. 

He can feel Yuji’s eyes on him. He’s still waiting for an answer, and Megumi just got up so suddenly. His confusion is evident even without Megumi having to look at him. 

“... I feel weird.” Not exactly a lie. Another omission of the truth in a sense. 

“Woah, really?” Yuji asks. Enthused. Megumi’s brain screeches to a halt. 

“Not in that way!” He looks over his shoulder at him. 

“It’s okay!” Yuji throws his hands up. “That’s the whole point of the experiment! To see if you like it,” he grins. Too casual. 

“I— Wha—” Megumi tries to speak but can’t. More unintelligible stammers fall out. 

Yuji laughs softly, “You’re hilarious, Fushiguro.” He shakes his head. “We can stop here then.” He picks up his phone and pauses the video. 

Megumi had somehow blocked out the sounds coming from it. His face flushes at the reality that he’s become trapped in. He can’t meet Yuji’s gaze. He feels almost numb in his underwear.  

“I’m going to sleep,” he mumbles. His legs wobble as he heads for the door. 

“Oh, goodnight then,” Yuji says, tone too carefree. 

Megumi shuts the door behind himself and falls into it. He drags his hands over his face as he just stands there for a moment, trying to gain his bearings. 

His heartbeat won’t relax and his shakiness is only worsening. He stumbles into his room and locks the door, almost instinctively at this point, and jumps into bed. 

He screams into his pillows, trying his best not to be too loud, but figuring that the sound will still be muffled anyway. He thrashes around a little, hitting his fists into the mattress. 

Megumi has no good outlet for all of the things that he’s feeling. For all of the emotions that Yuji causes him to cycle through. The feelings he’s been getting lately, are going to kill him. Yuji has no idea that he’s squeezing Megumi’s heart in his hands. 

Megumi simmers down eventually. His face remains pressed in his pillow. His throat feels a little hoarse. His skin is on fire— buzzing. He needs to cum so bad. He doesn’t want to— it doesn’t feel right— but he’s going to die. Yuji’s going to fucking kill him. 

Megumi flips over in bed. He drags his hand across his forehead and through his hair, grimacing. He grumbles as he stares up at nothing in particular. He pushes his pants off and then his underwear. There’s a wet spot from where some pre cum has leaked out. He shakes his head at himself, embarrassed. He can picture Yuji all too easily now, telling him,

“You’re such a whore, Megumi.” 

Megumi stifles. He parts his lips like he’s going to refute it, like Yuji is actually here and talking to him. 

“Don’t you feel embarrassed? Acting so slutty?”

Megumi whines as he wraps his fingers around himself. Soft sounds leave his mouth as he strokes, going fast for once. He hunches into himself as his body aches. He starts cumming in practically a few seconds— it should be humiliating. 

“Pathetic.” Megumi shudders. “You shouldn’t be allowed to cum.” Megumi nods, agreeing, but he’s still moving his hand. 

“But you’re still gonna keep going anyway.” 

He nods again. Even as his orgasm rolls through him, he still feels so needy. He knows he isn’t stopping here for the night. 

“You’re awful,” Imaginary Yuji tells him, voice sweet yet dark. Alluring. “And you’re gonna cum thinking of me, yeah?”

Megumi nods, “Always you.”

“Don’t you feel bad? Taking advantage of me?”

The thought of that splinters into his mind again. Megumi moans. He places his hand over his mouth, muffling his sounds. He should feel bad. He should feel terrible, and he does— to a certain extent. No matter how guilty he feels in the moment or afterwards though, he still can’t stop himself from doing it. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. 

“Perv.”

Megumi’s cum smears around in his palm. His skin sizzles as he starts stroking slow again, as his orgasm settles. His fingers are all sticky and the slight sound from the slick is making him feel ever hotter. He pushes along a vein and cranes his head back with a whine. 

His phone chimes irritatingly beside him. He breathes out through his teeth as his hand stutters. He takes his hand away from his mouth as he reaches out to see what it is. 

[itadori] 

yo 

you still up?

Yuji. It’s always fucking Yuji. Megumi feels prickly. 

[fushiguro]

no

[itadori]

haha

yeah i can’t sleep either

Megumi rolls his eyes. Yuji’s as infuriating as he is adorable. Megumi wants to strangle him but then he also wants… fuck. He keeps one hand on his length as he holds his phone with his other. 

[itadori] 

soooo you never said what you thought of that last video

you left kind of suddenly

Why can’t Yuji be oblivious when Megumi needs him to be?

[fushiguro]

i felt weird

thats all

[itadori]

weird how?

[fushiguro]

can you go to sleep

[itadori]

im just askinggg

i can’t aasssskkk?

[fushiguro] 

no

[itadori]

have you looked at the magazine yet?

[fushiguro]

no

[itadori]

you should

it helps you sleep sometimes too yk

Does it help you sleep? Megumi almost types out. Are you gonna do that right now? He almost types it. Are you doing that right now? Megumi technically is. His fingers flex around himself. 

Yuji is an idiot and has no idea what’s going on, and Megumi’s terrible and he likes him way too much— in the most perverse way possible it feels like.

[fushiguro]

okay

goodnight

[itadori]

night fushiguro

Megumi turns his phone off but holds it in his hand. He stares at the black screen for a while. He can’t see his reflection in it. It’s too dark in the room for that. It feels like something vile is staring back at him though. 

He doesn’t want to keep touching himself. 

I want to hear Yuji tell me to do it. 

He doesn’t want to only imagine it.  

Megumi knows he hasn’t been very honest with himself lately. He thinks it’s easy to lie to Yuji, but not so much himself. And he wants. He wants so many things. The slowly adding dialogue in his fantasies is a clear testament to that. 

I want Yuji. 

The thought sears across his veins. 

I want him to touch me. 

The truth pours out of him, as if he’s been cut or stricken with something, and now his wants are all pooling out of him, trailing down his skin like blood. 

I want Yuji to touch me. I want him to kiss me. I want him to tell me… to tell me to do it. 

Megumi cups himself in his pants as he breathes out shakily. 

I want him to tell me how to touch myself. I want him to make me. I want him to take advantage. 

Megumi knows how. His hand feels shaky though, like he doesn’t, like his fingers are useless without Yuji’s commands. He remembers his lies about how he hasn’t— how he’s never even tried. 

I want… I want…

Megumi’s turning his phone back on and staring at Yuji’s contact before he knows what he’s doing. Yuji’s picture is cute and the thought slices into him, obvious and lethal, that he should touch himself while looking at it. 

He’s been imaging everything for so long. Actually looking at Yuji would be too far, as if he hasn’t already dirtied himself enough. But with that logic, how much worse can it get? He’s already made it to this point, hasn’t he? 

Megumi stares into Yuji’s smile, warm and kind and unknowing of the terrible thing he’s about to do. Unknowing of everything. 

Megumi can’t help it. He tells himself repeatedly to stop but his hand is only stroking lower along his length. His fingers glide slowly and he whines. 

He brings the phone closer to his face. He thinks to press his lips to Yuji’s on the screen but he doesn’t. He feels his pre cum streaming out of him as he twitches. He’s still so hard somehow, even after just cumming. His fingers slide along the tip. He moans as he curls further into himself. 

“Yuji,” he doesn’t mean to say. “Yuji.” 

His eyes close as he slows his pace. It’s tortuous. That’s the point. A sort of punishment against himself for being this way. He’d like to go faster. He’d only do so if Yuji told him to. If that was possible. 

“Go slow, Megumi,” Imaginary Yuji tells him. “You don’t deserve to go fast.”

His cheek brushes against the screen, his eyes shut tight. His grip changes around the phone as he holds it. A small sound escapes him and then he hears a low ringing. 

His eyes open half way. He feels hazy, still moving his hand as he looks on. His eyes widen once he realizes what’s happening. 

His phone’s calling Yuji! He must have pressed something by accident. The phone slips out of his hand. 

Idiot! he tells himself. He scrambles to pick the phone up and hit cancel— but it’s too late. 

“Fushiguro?” He barely makes Yuji’s voice out since his phone isn’t by his ear. “Hello?”

Megumi panics. He thinks to just hang up but knowing Yuji, he’ll just call him right back. He glances down at himself. Jesus, his cum is everywhere. All over his hand and spread around his erection and dripping onto his thighs. He goes to pull his fingers away but then stops. An unfortunate sound escapes him. He wants to die.

“Helloooo?” 

Megumi trembles. He slowly brings the phone up to his ear. 

“... Itadori.”

“Fushiguro,” Yuji says fondly. “What’s up? Still can’t sleep?” Megumi can make out the sleepiness in his voice but his tone remains as warm and soft as ever. 

“Y—Yeah. I didn’t mean to call you. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He can imagine Yuji’s smile. “You want me to come over?”

“No!” His voice raises. “No, that’s okay.” He softens it again. 

Yuji laughs, “Alright.” 

It’s silent between them as Megumi swallows nervously. His hand remains on his erection. He twitches against his fingers. He should just quickly say goodnight again and then hang up— 

“You know, you blush a lot,” Yuji says. 

“What?” Megumi’s fingers flex. He almost moves them instinctively but holds himself back. 

“Yeah. I—I think I’ve only noticed it recently,” Yuji continues. His voice is a little uneven. “… Your face was so red before. It was cute.”

Megumi never knows how to react when Yuji calls him cute. 

“Um… you were blushing too.” His skin feels hot. 

“Well,” Yuji pauses, “Yeah.” His soft laughter caresses Megumi’s ear through the phone. “... Did you look at the magazine?”

“No.” I already told you that. “It’s not like I—” Megumi stops himself, not knowing even what he’s trying to say. 

He feels defensive almost and put on the stop. Trapped, yet somehow exhilarated. High off of this lie, this scenario he’s set up. Like one of his fantasies, but staggeringly real. 

Megumi used to be better than this. He wishes things could go back to the way they were before he got himself into this mess… but they just can’t though.

“... I wouldn’t know what to do anyway,” Megumi nearly smiles. He’s awful. His hand slides down along himself slightly, a direct contrast to his words. 

“It’s super simple,” Yuji’s tone is light. “Simpler than simple…” His words trail off. Megumi should stop moving his hand but he doesn't. ”Do you… want me to tell you how?” Yuji asks, voice quiet.

“Huh.” Megumi lags behind. His grip changes. He breathes out through his nose, trying his hardest to suppress any sounds that want to come out.

“Like, like how to do it,” Yuji's voice shakes slightly. “I—If you want. Again, it’s simple.”

Megumi doesn’t need Yuji to tell him how to do anything. He's doing it right now. His grip around himself is light but it's steadily getting tighter the more Yuji talks to him, the more Megumi hears his voice— actually his voice and not just his imagination. The brush of his breathing inside Megumi’s ear… the fact that Yuji is right behind him on the other side of the wall…

Clueless. Yuji is unaware of everything. He is ignorantly in the dark about almost everything, and he's kind to a fucking fault, and he's Megumi's favorite person in the whole world.

“... I—” Megumi stops himself before answering. He purses his lips. He tries to make his breathing come out normal. 

Yuji doesn’t have to tell him how to do anything. But he doesn't know that. Fuck. What would be the right thing? 

Megumi’s hand stutters around his length. He trembles as he curls into himself. His fingers press firmly along the shaft.

“... Okay.”

Megumi is clearly far past caring about the right thing. He's needy. This feels impulsive. He didn't mean to call Yuji. The fact that this was an accident is the only saving grace he can find. 

“Okay.” Yuji breathes. It's silent for a split second. Megumi clenches his teeth. “So… Well, first off, it’s generally better if it’s wet. I’m assuming you don’t have lube.”

“Obviously not,” Megumi rasps. He hopes that his voice comes off as normal.

“Right,” Yuji laughs. “Sorry, so, yeah—”

“Of course you’d have it,” Megumi jabs, trying to add a bit of normalcy to all of this. He leaks across his knuckles. His back jerks against his pillows. “Perv.”

“Hey, no interrupting the lesson,” Yuji says, voice a little strained, probably due to sleepiness. 

“Sorry, Sensei,” he says sarcastically. 

A thought pickles in his mind then— The various weird categories and fetishes of porn there are. A teacher student situation seems to be a popular one, based on the website they saw. Megumi doesn't know why his dick jerks at the idea. 

Yuji teaching him, taking advantage of him in that way. Megumi going along with it, him acting as the oblivious student, although he likes it, he wants it— needs it. 

He doesn’t know why this type of idea interests him so much. He grips around himself a little tighter. He slows his pace even further. More pre cum oozes out of him… Yuji’s not taking advantage of him right now, but couldn’t he be? Megumi’s delusional enough to imagine it. 

“Soooo, wet is better and saliva works just fine so…” Yuji's words trail off. His voice is so fucking pretty. Even just his breathing alone is something Megumi could get off to. 

“... Yeah. And then, well, it’s generally easier if you’re not wearing anything…” His words come out slowly, like he's being careful of what he's saying. Like he's being considerate and taking his time. 

There's a care in the slowness but also a hesitation that Megumi thinks sounds deathly on his tongue. He pierces his eyes shut and bites into his lip, finding it harder to be quiet.

“... Are you still in your underwear, Fushiguro?”

Megumi stifles, not expecting that. He gasps out without meaning to.

“Ah— D—Don’t ask me that,” he blushes. His hand trembles around his length.

“Okay,” Yuji laughs gently. “Well once your hand is wet you just,” he pauses. Megumi holds his breath. “touch yourself. Like, wrap your fingers around, you know? And then—” Yuji’s breath hitches. It makes Megumi shiver. “—yeah. I guess the rest is pretty self explanatory.”

“I—I—” Megumi breathes out, helpless. He shakes his head slightly, not wanting this to stop right here. “I—It’s not,” he sputters. A lie. 

Yuji's quiet for a moment. Even his breathing stutters— stopping, before picking back up again. A bit faster, Megumi thinks. Yuji’s breathing in general sounds funny.

“Well… are you following along, Fushiguro?” His tone dips even lower. Like a whisper but not quite. It's something different. Something more personal.

Does Yuji mean following along with his words, or, with him? Like Yuji’s doing this same stuff too. The thought pinches at Megumi’s brain, how Yuji’s voice sounds too smooth, feels too breathy. 

He couldn’t be, actually touching himself too right now, could he? Megumi doesn’t think he can handle that. His erection throbs in his hold. He can barely imagine even just the mere idea of that. 

Yuji's light breathing flows enticingly into his ear, and Megumi has to question if it's his own delusion— if it's his aroused haze.

“I—Itadori.” He doesn't know what to say.

“Well?” Yuji asks, raspy. From his tiredness or, maybe, something else? Please, let it be something else. Megumi lets himself pretend, as his mind tracks away fully. He can’t even think. 

“I… I—I still don’t know what I’m doing.” Megumi flicks his wrist gently, going so slow now that he's barely moving. 

“Move your hand up and down.” Yuji says. Too easy. “I usually start at the top—” A low hum cuts himself off— “Sometimes there’s, there’s already some—” he pauses— “It's already wet there, so I like, spread that down as I, you know.”

Oh. My. God. 

“Yeah?” Megumi doesn’t know why he says that. 

“Yeah,” Yuji breathes, too fucking pretty. 

He's right on the other side of the wall. Megumi wants to phase through and hear him clearer. To see him. Megumi does want— he wants badly.

“So I, I go down and then up. And I, swipe my thumb through the— through the slit a lot.” Jesus Christ. “I circle around there kind of and…” Yuji’s words trail off beautifully.

Megumi allows himself to stroke faster, although still denying himself any actual speed. 

“Fushiguro?” Yuji’s voice melts against Megumi's ear like honey. Sticky and sweet and— Yuji sounds different— unlike Megumi's ever heard him sound before. He can't be simply imagining it.

“Y—Yes?” He's leaked so much at this point. He's dying to cum again. 

“... Does it feel good?”

Megumi can't help the gasps that come out of him. His legs shake as he steadies his hand and softens his pace. 

“I— Uh—”

“It’s okay,” Yuji’s voice is shaky. “If it feels good, then lean into that feeling,” his voice pauses but his shallow breaths stay apparent. “If you’re laughing really hard, you wouldn’t want to stop, right?” Yuji gasps out. Megumi's whole body trembles. “If you feel a sneeze coming, holding it in sucks.” He pauses again. “If it feels good, then that’s good.”

“Itadori,” he sighs. 

“Fushiguro,” Yuji moans. 

“I—I—” There’s no sense of judgement trailing in his mind. “… I—It’s warm.”

“That’s good,” Yuji breathes. Another sound like a moan escapes into Megumi's ear. His eyes roll back. He’ll be playing all of Yuji’s sounds on repeat in his mind forever.  

“Is it supposed to feel so warm?” Playing innocent is too easy. Megumi's eyes flutter close as his head cranes back. 

“Mhm.” Yuji draws a sharp breath in. Megumi wants to cum so bad he could cry. His eyes are growing teary. 

“Wh—What, what do I do?” he asks, needy, too far gone. His fingers slide around himself, feeling useless without Yuji. He wants his instructions. He wants Yuji to directly tell him how. Tell him what. 

“I… Y—You…” Yuji seems to have a hard time finding his words. Soft murmurs escape him instead. Megumi doesn’t know which is better, Yuji's words or his noises. 

“You can go faster,” he tells him. “That’s what I do.”

“You do?”

It's not a direct order or instruction but Megumi takes it as a heavy suggestion. His dick throbs, sensitive as he quickens his pace. The slight sound from his slick melds with Yuji's breathing— his faint sighs. Megumi feels his orgasm steadily approaching, building up all the way from his toes. 

“I like to go fast,” Yuji whines— You couldn’t call the sound anything other than a whine. Megumi’s eyes roll back again. He always imagined that Yuji went fast. His lips almost crook into a smile as he does his best not to moan. 

“I like to go slow.” 

He regrets saying it right after the last word leaves his mouth. It implies that he’s lying, that he’s done this before. But Yuji just laughs softly, not picking up on that. He must think Megumi’s speaking of right now and not any previous time. Yuji believes him after all. Megumi should feel terrible. He feels depraved instead. He leans into it, like Yuji told him. 

“Are we a bad match?” Yuji asks, along with a moan. He laughs again, the softness of it mixing into the darkness of his tone. 

“N—No,” Megumi strongly wants to deny that. “I, I don’t think so.” He strokes himself even faster. His legs tremble as he feels his release swelling up in his gut. 

“I think we’d make a great match,” Yuji slurs. The world splinters in two. “If we, if we were…”

“Y—Yeah?” Megumi's so hard it hurts. 

“Definitely.” 

Definitely? He tightens his grip near the head. He's gotten too good at denying himself. 

“I—I—” He has to hold himself back from saying Yuji. 

“Fushiguro,” Yuji whines. 

Megumi can hardly control his voice as he cums. It gushes out of him, getting all over his fingers and reaching below him onto the mattress. It drops along his length as he feels his heartbeat settling. It slides around his thighs and makes him shiver.

Yuji's heavy breathing is ever present in his ear, coaxing the rest of his orgasm out of him. He murmurs softly and Megumi doesn't know any better than to imagine. He can picture Yuji's lips and how pretty they must hang open, how cutely they’d tremble. 

Their sighs almost become in sync as they both seemingly simmer down. Megumi's hand slows and finally comes to a complete stop. His skin is still a flutter though. His bones feel like they're vibrating. In the post orgasmic haze, the thought lays out neatly in front of him.

Did we just jerk off together?

No. Absolutely not. Impossible.

Yuji breathes out, sounding satisfied if Megumi had to call it something— and he has no idea what to think.

“Fushiguro?” His voice is faint, returning back into that of his normal tone. “... How do you feel?”

Megumi doesn't even know where to begin on the scale of how he's feeling— of what he's feeling.

“... Weird,” he settles. Although confused is more of a correct answer. 

“In a good or bad way?” Yuji's voice slips back into something darker— unlike how Megumi’s ever heard him sound before. 

His lips part to say something but nothing good comes to him. He glances down at himself and feels the cum seeping slightly into his sheets. It's getting cold now around his skin.

“... Go to sleep, Itadori.” He blushes profusely. 

Yuji laughs, almost shifting back into something normal again, but the intonation’s still not right. “You're funny, Fushiguro.” 

Whatever that means. Megumi twitches uneasily. 

“... Goodnight.” 

“N—Night.” 

“Sweet dreams,” Yuji breathes, something sweet and tempting lacing his tone. 

Megumi pulls the phone away from himself and hangs up. Finally. Like he should have done the moment he called him. 

An accident, he tells himself. Just like with finding the magazines, this was all an accident. But that thought doesn't help. 

Megumi stares down at his lap, taking in his shame. His want for Yuji burns brighter than any other emotion though. It feels like he sits there forever before he finally goes to the bathroom to clean up. 

Whatever the fuck happened last night feels like a dream. Megumi isn't too sure that it wasn't a dream. He'd been praying for a wet dream of Yuji for a while now, but all his prayers keep seemingly going unanswered.

Last night was real and so was the moment before that, when they were watching porn. That much becomes apparent to Megumi when he checks the call logs on his phone. 

He can't explain this away. Last night happened and the thought of seeing Yuji again face to face is—

Just no. How can Megumi ever think of facing him again? This isn't like any other time before. This is serious. Everything has suddenly become all too real.

Megumi waits— hides in his room until he doesn't sense Yuji's cursed energy anymore. He's aware of it leaving the dorms and he keeps his focus on it until it's long gone and out of sight. Until he himself is out of danger. 

Yuji is dangerous. The cadence of his voice last night was poisonous— Sweet and distracting and— fuck. It could kill Megumi. He might just die if he keeps replaying it. 

You can go faster. That's what I do. 

Jesus. The way he said it. 

I like to go fast. I think we'd make a great match. If we, if we were…

Megumi's actually going to die. He can't be around Yuji. This isn't something that will last forever. Just like how his feelings have softened and mellowed out before, these too will go away. 

But it can’t happen overnight. Megumi's going to be plagued with it along with everything else. His fantasies are going to get a major upgrade. He might masturbate so much that his dick will get sore. 

He'll have to stay in his room and avoid Yuji as much as possible. Although he can't hide forever. And he'll gradually have to confront him as he spends time around his friends and everyone else at the school. But he just can't do it right now. Not in the wake of last night— whatever last night was.

Megumi hesitantly approaches his door and turns the knob. He peeks his head outside, just in case. Yuji's nowhere to be found. He sighs as he lets the door swing open fully. He turns to the left as he steps out into the hall and then he looks to his right and—

“Jesus!” Megumi stumbles back.

“Sorry,” Yuji laughs. He stands in the hallway— appearing completely out of nowhere.

“I thought you had left,” Megumi sighs. He clutches his chest. His heartbeat is thumping at an annoying pace.

“I know,” Yuji smiles. “I figured you'd try avoiding me.” He glances away for a second as he scratches the back of his neck.

Megumi stares on, feeling see through. Yuji must have left the dorms and then intentionally dimmed his cursed energy so that Megumi wouldn't notice him coming back. 

He avoids Yuji's eyes. He wants things between them to be good and normal and how they should be. Yuji stands there as if it is, as if nothing is different or changing even after last night. Maybe Megumi is delusional and it was all in his head. 

“Throw some clothes on. I'm taking you out today,” Yuji says, simple. 

Megumi glances up at him shortly before looking away again. He wants to bring it up but, he probably shouldn't. He doesn't want to if Yuji won't do it first.

“Wh—What?” 

“Fushiguro,” Yuji’s laughter is soft. Megumi doesn't understand what's funny. He can't bring himself to look at him.

Yuji's silent once his laughter subsides and Megumi feels unbalanced on his feet. The floor boards creak slightly and Megumi registers the sound as Yuji stepping closer to him. 

He holds his shirt collar up to his face as he feels his cheeks burning. He turns away from him even more but then steals a glance as Yuji gets closer. He flicks his forehead and Megumi lets out a small sound as he jerks back. He holds his head immediately, skin stinging subtly from the pain.

“Ow!” He glares at him.

“Fushiguro, you don't have to be embarrassed,” Yuji shakes his head. Megumi feels his eyebrows relaxing. “It's okay,” Yuji smiles. Too pretty. Too lenient of everything. “You can be embarrassed but… just don't avoid me.” It almost sounds like a question with the uncertainty in his tone. His smile waivers a little.

It dawns on Megumi then, that he’s maybe made Yuji feel nervous, or self conscious even. Yuji’s always the reassuring one. Megumi's always doing stupid things even though he's supposed to be the smart one, the sensible one. Megumi has to give Yuji some credit for how observant he can be, even though he's mostly oblivious. 

Megumi knows that he's got to be important to Yuji. Just not in the way that he wants to be. He doesn't ever want to make Yuji feel bad, to make Yuji feel like he doesn't want to be around him.

“... I'm sorry,” Megumi mutters. 

Yuji's smile returns. It's simple. Megumi acts like an idiot, overreacts, and Yuji grounds him, makes him feel normal. Except that he can't. Megumi can only feel some small amount of normal right now. 

But Yuji’s his friend. Yuji is Yuji. That should come before anything else. Megumi wants to believe that no matter what happens between them, Yuji will always want him around too. No matter what happens.

“For what?” Yuji laughs. So easygoing. “Get dressed. We don't wanna miss the train.”

Megumi sighs as he stands up straighter. Yuji can't possibly be this understanding. Maybe they're just pretending like last night didn't happen. Maybe it didn’t happen the way he thinks it did. If so, Megumi can live with that. It makes it easier than the alternative. He doesn't want to avoid Yuji, not ever. He wants to become his shadow, to live inside him forever.

“Where are we going?” Megumi tilts his head.

Akihabara is always bustling with life. The scenes of people blend in together, with most of them being tourists or foreigners clearly trying to take all of Tokyo in. Scrambling to find manga and anything relating to their favorite anime. Wanting to visit themed cafes and take pictures in places showcased in popular TV. 

It can be annoying seeing so many excitable people milling about, but being next to Yuji makes it easier. If Yuji is involved, everything is easier. It’s also difficult, though.

Megumi finds it a little daunting to speak to him or look into the golden brown of his eyes. Severely perverse images flash over and over across his vision. Yuji's breathy voice hitching and sputtering and hesitating and whispering and possibly whining replays in his ears.  

Megumi had to have imagined it. He must have exaggerated how Yuji sounded. But that doesn't stop his thoughts. That doesn't help. 

Yuji said it's okay. It's okay, as in, maybe everything. Him stealing the porn is okay. Him not being experienced with that sort of stuff is okay. Him not finding the models attractive is okay. Him being embarrassed is okay. It's just not okay if Megumi avoids him. 

He wants to believe that no matter what terrible thing he could do, Yuji will still like him. To whatever extent that is that he already does like him. And Megumi is fine with things staying the way they've always been. 

Whatever has been starting recently isn't usual. Whatever this is will hopefully drift away soon into a hazy memory. Maybe it'll soften and harden and become the new normal? Megumi doesn't think he can breathe if that happens.

“Itadori.” Megumi gazes up at the line of books arranged along a shelf inside one of the many bookstores littered down this street.

“What is this?” Megumi's eye twitches.

Organized in front of them, tucked away at the back of the store, is porn. Not magazines, but erotic manga. Megumi glances around, not quite believing it.

Other people are passing by. Some are browsing through the different sections. Some are giggling with their friends as they flip through pages. 

It's just here, out in the open. People are reaching up and scanning over the covers without shame. They place them back and pick up other ones. Some people carry them over to the checkout. Megumi's mind stifles as he tries to make sense of it.

“See, people buy porn all the time,” Yuji says. “So I'm not a pervert.”

“You're still a pervert.” Although Megumi is too. “I thought you preferred magazines.”

“I do. I'm just proving a point.” Yuji taps his shoulder, stepping away from the row of erotica and walking back the way they came. “So nice of you to remember though,” he teases.

Megumi rolls his eyes. “How could I forget?” he deadpans. He remembers everything there is to know about Yuji. He could create a dossier on him if he had to. 

The two of them walk throughout Akihabara. Every destination Yuji leads them to seems to have a clear agenda. There's stores Megumi's never been inside of, stores that Megumi's sure he's passed by at some point in his life but never paid any mind to.

There are vendors and shops that distinctly sell pornographic material. It lays out plainly for everyone to see. It should be a stark contrast to the world around it but it somehow doesn't feel out of the ordinary.

Megumi's the thing that feels misplaced. He flips his hood over his head as he zips his jacket up more. God forbid someone they know is around shopping and sees them coming or going into one of these shops. 

“We were never here,” Megumi mutters to himself. 

“Don’t be like that, Fushiguro,” Yuji smiles. He places a hand on his shoulder and Megumi jolts slightly. This just seems to amuse Yuji even more. “So are you really not gonna buy anything? It’ll be my treat.”

Oh yippie, I’ve always wanted porn of my own, Megumi thinks to yell at him. He just glares at him instead. He tries to zip his jacket up even more to block his face but the zipper is as high as it can go. 

Yuji giggles, clearly finding this all very funny. Megumi’s frown softens as he thinks about it. 

Yuji’s so relaxed as opposed to himself. These past few days, he’s been nothing but overbearingly reassuring. Megumi thinks to tell him thank you but he holds the words back on his tongue. 

Their descent into perversion continues as they explore more shops. Megumi starts to feel fidgety in his pants— unwanted— horrible timing. 

He thinks it’s just due to being around so much erotic material. It’s like he’s been conditioned to get an erection at this point. He doesn’t even see anything that essentially turns him on. Having Yuji so close to him definitely doesn’t help it. 

Yuji marvels at the various sex toys they stumble across. Megumi has to turn his face away after curiously staring. Yuji laughs as he picks one up and dangles it towards him. Megumi smacks it away and drags him by his wrist for them to leave. 

They find adult films, more erotica, the magazines that Yuji likes so much, and weird, really weird sex toys. Yuji flips a magazine over in his hand, almost like he’s inspecting it. Megumi glares at him. 

“Do you really need another one?”

“All the ones I have are old now,” Yuji notes, like that means something. 

“I remember the latest one coming out just last year.”

“Pfft— Why do you know that?” Yuji laughs. He places the magazine back on its stand. 

“I just have a good memory,” Megumi mutters, blushing. He wants to die. 

The sunset creeps up on them as they explore the several shops in the area. Megumi loses count of just how many they’ve stepped into, once they exit another one. 

Yuji sighs and it melds into a yawn as he stretches his arms up. Something about his demeanor just tells Megumi that they’re done for the day, which he couldn’t be happier about. 

They stop by a vending machine and get two sodas. Megumi isn’t even really thirsty, but he’ll take the distraction of having something to do with his hands. They lean up against the side of a building and look out into the street.

“Well, what’d ya think?” Yuji asks. 

It’s gotten a bit dark at this point. The sun’s fully disappeared now. Megumi can’t make out any stars but he’s sure he’ll be able to soon. The city’s being swallowed by shadows. So many shadows. So much empty space. 

“I think that you’re weird.” 

Megumi’s life used to feel like empty space, when it was just him and Tsumiki. As more and more people dropped into his world and roped him into theirs, life started to gain some color. 

No one’s ever felt as bright as Yuji though. Whatever color his soul is, is something that humans can’t even comprehend. And Yuji can never know about this.  

Yuji laughs as he nudges Megumi in the shoulder, “What do you really think?”

I want you. 

That’s what Megumi’s always thinking. He’d been trying to hold it back or deny it, but Yuji is making that increasingly harder nowadays. 

“... That you’re even weirder than I thought,” Megumi glances at him with a frown. 

“Fushiguroo.” Yuji gives him a half smile. He nudges him again and Megumi doesn’t push back or fight it. He takes the impact and just drinks the last of his soda. 

“You’ve got to stop trying to act all innocent,” Yuji shakes his head. “You have skeletons in the closet now too.”

“Is that what today was about? Giving me skeletons?” Megumi crushes the empty can. 

“No.” Yuji shakes his head more dramatically. “You already had skeletons.” 

Megumi grimaces. Yuji thinks he knows about his skeletons. He knows nothing.  

“Because of you.”

“Hey, you can’t just blame me for everything,” Yuji laughs a little. 

Megumi rolls his eyes. Blaming Yuji should in theory be too easy, but after everything he’s done of his own accord now, it’s basically impossible to say Yuji’s at fault here.  

“What’d I ask you before?” Yuji scratches the top of his head. “If I was corrupting you?”

“You definitely are,” he mumbles. 

Yuji laughs, “Sorry.” He doesn’t look or seem very sorry about anything. “... Fushiguro.” His voice drops to that of almost a whisper. 

Megumi glances back at him. The few inches Yuji has on him are more apparent as they stand close together along the side of the building. 

He stares into him with this soft focused expression. Megumi feels his blush creeping onto his face as he tries not to read too deeply into what the glint in Yuji’s eyes could mean. 

“... Would you mind if I corrupt you a little more?”

What the hell could that mean? 

Megumi’s heart is beating too fast. Every time he’s around Yuji, it’s like he’s about to go into cardiac arrest. 

“Oh great,” he sighs. He looks away from him. “What now?”

Yuji laughs as he places a hand on his shoulder, “No, no, you’ll like it. I promise.” His tone is deceivingly innocent. Megumi knows better.  

He turns his face back to Yuji. His smile goes on for miles. It could light the whole city back up. 

Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter if Megumi will or won’t like it. He would do anything for Yuji. He’d follow him all the way down to hell, although Megumi doesn’t think Yuji would take him there. 

His new reality though, is in a way, some sort of twisted sick version of hell. Something about lustful temptation eating away at you and draining your every moment. That does feel hellish. 

Megumi wants Yuji so intensely, a feeling so intense that it’s got to be bad. He wouldn’t shy away from calling it straight up satanic. A curse unlike any other, personally made for Megumi. 

Yuji takes his hand as he leads them to wherever it is now that they’re going. Megumi’s palm fits nicely into his. He tells himself to feel normal about it. He can’t. 

The two of them stand in the park. The stars are out now. Not many people are wandering around, which makes it feel pretty secluded. Megumi likes it. 

Yuji flicks his lighter open and closed. He spins it around his fingers and Megumi watches, totally not at all wondering what else Yuji’s fingers are capable of doing. 

He holds some type of rolled joint in his mouth and then lights it. Megumi tilts his head, plainly observing. The first question that comes to mind is where Yuji got this from— Who gave it to him? Where did he learn this?

But then Megumi thinks about how Yuji just stumbled upon that porn all on his own. There wasn’t anyone who put him onto that, so… Yuji inhales deeply and then breathes the smoke out.

“Have you ever smoked before?” Yuji asks him. He lights the end again slightly before returning it to his lips. 

“Not weed.” Megumi tries not to stare. 

“How’d you know it was weed?” 

“I know what weed looks like,” Megumi frowns. Idiot. 

Yuji laughs. The sound loops around Megumi, almost tugging him closer. 

“Right, right.” He holds the joint out. “Here. Don’t be embarrassed.”

You said it’s okay if I’m embarrassed. Just not okay if I avoid you. 

Megumi grimaces. He must already be blushing for Yuji to have to tell him that. He snatches it from his hand as he looks away from him. 

“Be quiet.” He takes a small drag. The taste is weird. The texture of the paper feels strange. He breathes out shortly.  

Yuji’s lips were just on this. 

The thought digs into him and then he takes another drag, this time more drawn out. And the taste is perfect. The paper is smooth and cold. Megumi could hold it in his mouth forever. 

“Well don’t hog it,” Yuji makes a face. 

He swipes it from his lips. Megumi tries to breathe out, suddenly realizing just how long he had held it for. He coughs as the smoke escapes his mouth. Yuji smiles as he watches him. Megumi clutches his chest. 

“It hits quick,” Yuji tells him. “I’m really excited to see what you’re liked stoned, Fushiguro.” His tone drops a little in that way that Megumi can’t ignore.  

“Shut up,” he coughs. He clears his throat and Yuji’s smile only widens as he takes another drag. 

They walk around the park, talking and passing the joint between them. Yuji recounts the first time that he actually saw porn. He says that he was watching TV late one night in the living room, and then suddenly the program switched to something else. 

He didn’t know what it was when he saw it, and his grandfather was either asleep or out of the house— Yuji can’t quite remember. But he does remember what was playing specifically. The sounds were loud and the women were “attractive” and at the time his brain had no idea how to react. 

“But, you know I made sure to stay up the next night and catch it again,” he smiles. 

“Perv.” 

“Creep,” Yuji shoots back. “You trespassed." He points his finger, sticking it into Megumi’s chest. “Trespasser. How dare you go through my stuff,” he jokes. The range of his voice goes a little funny as he wiggles his finger against Megumi’s jacket. 

He pushes Yuji’s hand away and takes another hit. He rolls his eyes as he breathes the smoke out. He doesn’t really feel anything yet. It’s abundant that Yuji does though. 

He jumps up onto a random bench and balances on the top of it. He lands a little clumsily and then does a cartwheel. Megumi stops walking as he just watches him. 

Yuji begins parkouring off of practically anything in sight. Which includes Megumi. He twirls around a lamppost and then hurls himself toward him. 

Megumi pulls back but Yuji crashes into him. He groans as little as Yuji laughs. He grips his shoulders firmly and pushes him off. Yuji’s smile is loopy. His eyes seem warmer. He looks really pretty like this. Megumi feels a little delirious, staring at him. 

“Fushiguurooo,” Yuji draws his name out. He giggles and Megumi has to hold his smile back. His cheeks feel hot. “Are you feeling anything yet?" 

Yuji drapes his arms across his shoulders. Their faces are too close. Yuji can’t be hanging off of him this way, since he’s the taller one. His legs are drooping behind him. 

“Shut up.” 

“I’m just asking.” Yuji’s words slur prettily.  

“Shut. Up.”

He laughs. “You never let me ask anything,” his tone dips lower as his eyes hang half open. 

“Shut up.”

“Can you say anything other than ‘shut up’?” Yuji tilts his head. 

“Shut—” Megumi stifles as he stops himself. 

Yuji laughs out into his face. His weight is pushing down on him more and more. Megumi grips his shoulders tighter and tries to push him up. He tries to steady the both of them on their feet. Yuji can’t seem to stop laughing. 

“Shut up—” Megumi stops himself again with a grumble. 

Yuji points at him as his eyes open slightly. He taps his finger against his nose, and Megumi goes a little crosseyed trying to follow it. He shakes his head and sighs. 

“Fuck off.” 

He swats Yuji’s finger away and pushes him back. He briskly walks onward. Yuji stumbles and leans forward until he falls into Megumi’s back. Megumi halts in his steps as he feels Yuji’s arms draping over him again. His chest presses into him.

“You’re so cute, Fushiguro,” Yuji murmurs into the back of his neck. Megumi feels the words vibrate throughout his entire body. “We should hop on a train. There’s somewhere else I wanted to take you.”

“Oh god,” he sighs. Yuji rubs into his neck. Megumi doesn’t feel like he’s going to survive the night. 

Yuji’s hand rests in his as they board the train again. Only because Yuji is high and keeps looking around at anything and everything and not paying attention to his surroundings. That’s what Megumi tells himself anyway, and it’s once again, not a full lie. He thinks omissions of the truth are becoming his new favorite thing. 

The train drums loudly under them. Megumi’s eyelids hang, almost closing for a second. He straightens his posture though. He sits back up and leans into the seat of the train. 

Yuji squeezes his hand. He starts talking about something in an incomprehensible jumble. Megumi makes out a few key words and can tell that he’s talking about some movie. 

Yuji could go on about movie lore until the end of time, and so he rasps off in Megumi’s ear as the train takes them closer to home. It’d be annoying if it was anyone else. Megumi does his best to quiet his mind and listen. 

Yuji points up excitedly once he says this is their stop. Megumi helps him stand. They stumble through downtown in a district that Megumi knows is familiar. He can’t seem to wrap his brain around where they're going though as Yuji leads them through the streets. They turn a corner to a louder strip and then Megumi’s eyebrow twitches. 

“Seriously?”

“What?” Yuji smiles. “You’ve got your ID on you, no?”

Megumi lets out an exasperated sigh. This is the clubbing district. He’s been here before, unfortunately, with Nobara and Yuji once or twice. Their other friends tagged along too maybe. Megumi doesn’t think back on it that much. 

The atmosphere is unpleasant and too loud and Megumi doesn’t see the great appeal in getting drunk and dancing. And Nobara, being as brazen as she is, had once pushed Megumi into taking one too many shots with her, and he was sick and throwing up by the end of the night. 

The only silver lining to it all, the only good thing that came out of it, was that Yuji stayed with him the entire time until he felt better. He sat on the bathroom floor with him and patted his back as he threw up into the toilet. 

He got him water and crackers and tucked his hair out of his face. He laid in bed with him and fell asleep worrying about him. In the morning too, it was much of the same. Yuji brought him some type of hangover cure and then promised that the cup wasn't actually filled with drain cleaner instead. Whatever that means. Undoubtedly a movie reference. Yuji was sweet, sweeter than normal. He gets like that when he’s worried. 

Megumi would say he doesn’t like having people coddle him, but of course there has to be an exception when it comes to Yuji. There always is. There aren’t really any great memories from the few nights they’ve gone out except for that one. 

Megumi feels incredibly unenthused as they make their way inside. He feels wobbly on his feet already from the weed. He doesn’t see how adding alcohol to the equation is exactly a good idea. 

“Why’re we here, Itadori?” 

They sit on the bar together. The stools feel too small. Megumi’s scared one or both of them will fall over. 

“I’m corrupting you, remember?” Yuji says loudly over the music and talking. 

“You’ve done enough of that already,” Megumi mumbles. 

“What?” Yuji turns his head, clearly not hearing him.  

A server appears in front of them on the other side of the bar. Yuji quickly orders something and then glances at Megumi, awaiting his order as well. Megumi parts his lips to say something but then Yuji cuts him off and orders the same thing he did for himself. The server nods and walks off again. 

Megumi rolls his eyes. Yuji smiles at him with a giggle. He takes Megumi’s hand and he has to try his best to not fall off of the stool. Yuji holds their palms together and purses his lips like he’s deep in thought about something. 

Megumi tries to form an idea as to what Yuji could be thinking but then he finds that his brain is almost not formulating anything. His mind feels like a slushie, goopy and wet and not currently helpful. But then he thinks about slushies in general, and finds that he’s craving one now. 

Yuji slides their fingers along each other. His hand is warm, so very warm. Megumi’s own hand feels ice cold in comparison. 

“My hands are bigger than yours,” Yuji says matter-of-factly. 

“Nice observation.”

“Your fingers are longer though.” 

“Very astute of you.” Megumi feels himself smiling. 

“You know…” Yuji laughs a little. His words trail off. His eyelids close slightly as he stares at their hands together. He slides his fingers through Megumi’s and Megumi doesn’t dare move to stop him. 

“... You’ve never once called me by my first name, even after all this time,” Yuji says softly. “Not even once.” His light tone drops as he frowns a little.  

His fingers curl deeper. It brings Megumi’s palm closer to his own. Megumi doesn’t bring his own fingers down. He tries to stay perfectly still. 

“Itadori—”

Yuji cuts him off with a groan and a roll of his eyes, “I hate it when you say my name.” He sounds bitter almost. Megumi’s eyes widen in surprise. “... My last name, anyway…”

Megumi stares into him. Yuji’s gaze is downcast and on the floor now instead of their hands. Their drinks are set down for them but Yuji has no reaction, like he doesn’t even notice it. Megumi stares into him, not knowing what to feel or say. 

He made Yuji feel bad by avoiding him. He almost did it again and Yuji saw it coming, he anticipated it. He’s made Yuji feel some form of bitter now and he’s been ignorant about it too. This has seemingly been bothering Yuji for who knows how long. 

Megumi is Yuji’s friend and he knows that he’s not deserving of anything else but… even friends have their own expectations that are laid out for them. He needs to do better.

“... Yuji.”

Yuji’s expression changes drastically as he gazes up at him. Megumi takes in a shallow breath and tries to steal his mind. 

“Yuji.” 

Megumi brings his fingers down and pulls on his hand. Their palms are pressed together, touching. Their fingers are intertwined. 

“Yuji,” he repeats. 

Yuji’s eyes are big and taken aback as he stares at him. 

“Yuji…” 

It’s strange, saying his name like this, all on its own, and especially to him. Megumi feels like now that he’s said it finally, he’ll never stop saying it though. 

Yuji laughs, seemingly nervous as he looks away from him. He takes a hold of his drink and shakily brings it up to his lips. 

“Yep. That’s my name,” he mumbles. He takes a sip.  

“You’re so…” Megumi’s words trail off. He shakes his head with a grumble. His skin feels like it’s buzzing. “Do you want me to keep calling you Itadori or—”

“Ew, no, stop,” Yuji grimaces slightly. Megumi notices a soft red coating his cheeks. “... Uh, yeah. Yuji… that’s, fine.” His gaze remains elsewhere. 

Just fine? Megumi would like to press for more. As cute as Yuji does get when he’s nervous, Megumi can’t tell if this is crossing the line of nervousness into uncomfortability. So he won’t tease him about this. 

“Okay then,” Megumi says. Their hands feel nice together. “Yuji,” he can’t help but say it again. 

Yuji grumbles slightly, more out of embarrassment than annoyance, Megumi thinks. 

“Fushiguro, you’re so mean to me,” he pouts. 

Call me Megumi, he wants to tell him. He doesn’t know how. 

“... That’s not my first name,” he mumbles. 

Yuji looks up at him finally then. Both of their eyes widen and then they’re looking away again. Yuji’s hand shakes a little in Megumi’s like he wants to pull away, but Megumi hesitates. He almost grips him tighter before letting go. Yuji’s hand quickly draws back and rests atop the bar.  

They sit in a strange, hazy silence for— well Megumi has no idea how long. He takes a gulp of his drink, desperate for something to do. He steals a glance at Yuji and he’s already looking at him. Their heads turn away from each other again. Yuji breathes out through his nose. 

“We can’t both be embarrassed. That’s your thing.”

“Well that’s— what’s— well— fuck.” Megumi tries to speak but almost malfunctions. 

Yuji bursts out laughing and turns his body towards him. Megumi grumbles as he stops attempting to speak altogether. He turns towards Yuji as well and glares at him. Yuji blocks his mouth, giggling. 

“Fuck you,” Megumi frowns. Yuji’s still laughing. “If I’m the embarrassed one, then what’s that make you? The pervert one?”

Yuji clears his throat as he finally stops himself. “Hey, lay off about my hobby, okay?”

“Really? Your hobby?” He raises an eyebrow at him. 

“Yeah, like I told you—”

“‘I’m an enthusiast,’” Megumi joins in with him to say it. “You’re not an enthusiast, you’re just weird.” He shakes his head. He takes another sip of his drink. He ignores the slight burn and the unpleasant taste. 

“I’m not the weird one either. That’s you too.”

“How many tag lines have you given me?” Megumi glares at him. 

Yuji clears his throat again. He holds his hand out as he begins counting on his fingers all the things that Megumi is. Some of them are things that Megumi can tell Yuji and Nobara have talked about before and agreed on, and some are things that Megumi knows Yuji just appointed himself. 

“The embarrassed one, the weird one, the know-it-all one, the spikey haired one, the ¥8000 lash routine one—”

“I don’t do anything to my eyelashes!”

“Oh you so do though,” Yuji narrows his eyes. “The lying one, the secretive one, the mysterious one.” He wiggles his fingers. “You’re always hiding something.”

“No.” Megumi’s sweating. 

“Oh my god, you’re hiding something right now, aren’t you?” Yuji’s smile turns mischievous as he leans his face closer to him. “What is it? A secret girlfriend? You’re a time traveler?” Yuji gasps. “You’re not really Japanese?”

“If I wasn’t Japanese, why would I be hiding that?” His voice raises.  

“I don’t know, Megumi. Why would you be?” Yuji asks him. He hums suspiciously as he rubs his chin. 

“Shut the hell up.” Megumi finishes the last of his drink. 

Yuji laughs as he throws out more nonsensical possibilities about what his secret could be. Megumi thinks to himself that he doesn’t have any secrets but then he figures that he obviously does and it’s the fact that he likes Yuji. 

All the other secrets he holds are wrapped deeply in that one. They all stem from the same place. Yuji is his only secret. How ironic that he’s the one trying to guess it. 

Any awkwardness of nervousness that was between the two of them swiftly ebbs away. Megumi can’t even pinpoint how they go from not looking at each other in one moment, to screaming at each other in the next. 

Yuji and him just have that type of relationship. No matter what happens they always bounce back. Things fall into place and everything is fine again. That’s what Megumi desperately wants to believe. 

He knows that he would do anything for Yuji. Even if Yuji decides he hates him some day and that he can’t stand to be around him. Even if so uncharacteristically of him, Yuji hurts him or intentionally disregards his feelings… Megumi’s mind wouldn’t change. 

He’d still be there if Yuji ever needed anything. And if something happened and then Yuji went on as if it hadn’t, then Megumi would react the same too. He’d disregard it. He’d continue on without needing an explanation or an apology. 

He’d come back without needing anything. Megumi is going to be there for Yuji— with Yuji, for as long as Yuji wants him to be. Like a dog. If Yuji says go away, then he’ll scurry off somewhere. And if Yuji says, come here, then you know where he’s going. 

Yuji laughs and it’s the best sound in the fucking world. Megumi’s going to make sure that he’s around to hear it for as long as possible. 

They order more drinks and Yuji takes a shot of something. The twinge from the alcohol mixes into the already sluggish haze of the weed. Megumi almost starts to feel sleepy, in a way, relaxed and warm and happy and with Yuji. 

The thoughts muddling his brain have become a constant and he thinks being crossfaded helps to not feel weird about the whole thing. 

Did Yuji and him jerk off together last night? Does it matter? Megumi laughs and feels the knot of guilt in his chest loosening. Maybe he should get high and drunk more often. 

“Do you wanna dance?” Yuji asks him. 

“Not really,” Megumi shakes his head with a laugh. He doesn’t even remember what Yuji said to make him laugh now. 

“Nooo, come on.” Yuji slides down from the stool and pulls Megumi along by his arms. “Dance with meee. Just one song.”

Megumi sighs with a laugh, “Okay.”

Dancing for just one song is an easy lie. But it’s not a lie or a bother because it’s Yuji. Megumi doesn’t exactly dance. He’s never liked to. He more so just nods his head along to the rhythm. But Yuji dances. He holds Megumi’s hands in his and twirls as he jumps around. 

Having to keep up with Yuji’s movements almost forces Megumi to dance in a way. He surprisingly doesn’t mind it. He smiles, feeling a little stupid but somehow not in a bad way. He doesn’t remember going out like this the last time to be so freeing. It was claustrophobic and uncomfortable and embarrassing. 

But now, Megumi was to wonder if it’s because of the added element of weed or the fact that Yuji and him are alone. He immensely enjoys spending time with his friends, but… no one is anything like Yuji. There’s nothing like spending one on one time with him. 

Yuji wraps his arm around Megumi’s shoulder once they wobble out of the club. He’s doing some impression from some movie that Megumi supposes somehow fits the scenario they’re in. 

They walk around the district, window shopping aimlessly. Yuji clings to him whenever they separate. Megumi wonders if he’s using him as an anchor because even he knows that he’s prone to wander off and that he’s not being observant of where they’re going. 

Megumi grips his hand. Yuji will let go and get a closer look at something. He’ll then skip back over to him and place his arm along his shoulder. Megumi wraps his arm over Yuji’s waist, only to steady him more, he assures himself. 

He feels like he’s once again taking advantage. Having Yuji’s body so close is exhilarating. Megumi’s skin might buzz off with how he’s trembling. He’s practically vibrating. He hopes Yuji doesn’t feel it too. 

They get back on the train eventually. It’s dripping past midnight now. Megumi doesn’t have any work in the morning and Yuji shouldn’t either, so he doesn’t worry about the time. 

Yuji’s head leans into the crook of his neck once they’ve sat down. Megumi tells himself not to feel guilty. It’s a bit difficult though. He can already feel himself coming out of the haze that was this strange and, surprisingly, enjoyable night. 

“Ita—” Megumi stops himself. “Yuji.” 

Yuji’s head nuzzles into him slightly. His hair is soft. Fuck. 

“... Today actually didn’t suck.”

He feels the faint breath leave Yuji’s mouth as he gasps, “Really?” His voice is dripping with alcohol and Megumi wants to lick the remnants of tonight off his tongue. 

“Yeah.” He doesn’t let himself say anymore. Yuji hums happily. His nose presses into his collarbone. 

“I’d told you you’d like it.” Yuji’s voice is almost hoarse. 

He talked Megumi’s ear off all night. And despite getting something to lubricate his throat with, alcohol is not hydrating. That along with the probable exhaustion of being out all day though, has morphed Yuji’s voice into something that Megumi knows he’ll be fantasizing about later.  

It’s similar to his tone from the night before but less breathy. Deeper and not as light. Megumi loves the fluctuations of Yuji’s voice. He doesn’t know exactly when Yuji sounds the prettiest, but this is at least top three. 

Megumi tries not to get lost in replaying what he’s said just now. He hopes that Yuji talks again, right into his ear, but he doesn’t. Just a low hum, a murmur or two, as the train thumps under them. 

Megumi’s okay with that. He doesn’t actually want for anything. He shouldn’t anyway. He’s forgetting his place. He thinks he’s getting confused. Yuji is confusing him with the way things have been between them lately.